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Old 02-19-2012, 01:27 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default 5 year old Superman.

The reason I am sharing this is because I feel like over the next few years SM and all it's members are going to become like my family.

You are all going to go through the journey of Charm with me. From her at the breeder, to coming home, to her first poop on my floor. You all are going to be there through it all. So why not this too?

I need to get it off my chest or I think I'm going to cry - yet again.

In 9 days my nearly 5 year old son is going into hospital for a MRI of his brain and spine and a Lumber Punture (LP).
It will be his 4th LP and approx his 30th MRI.

I'm starting to get nervous.
Because he is so young, he has to go under a general anasthetic (GA). He has to fast from 7am until his appointment at anywhere between 2.30-4pm depending if there are any emergencies requiring the MRI machine. He isnt aloud fluids from 11am.
It's a long tiring day for us both but it's not the procedures that I'm terrified of. It's the results.

On the 7th March (A day after his 5th birthday) we go in to see his oncologist to get the results of the MRI and LP and have a review (check to see he is growing and developing according to what is 'normal' for his age make sure he isnt going into early puberty, have a neuro exam, discuss blood results of blood that will be taken while he is under GA.)

These results will define the rest of our life. They tell me whether in the next few years I am still going to have 2 sons or only one.

My son is in remission from an agressive Stage 3 (the worst) Atypical Anaplastic Ependymoma brain tumor. He has been in remission for nearly a whole year which is fantastic. But is not considered cured until 2025 - He will be 18 years old. My son has a 30% chance of making it till then.

With each MRI he has, I feel like I die a little bit inside. I worry myself sick, I break out in coldsores because of stress, I make myself sick thinking about the prospect of losing my child.

I hear songs on the television or radio and think 'That would be nice at his funeral.' Then kick myself and feel so guilty of even thinking them thoughts. But it's the reality I face every day. That I may have to put baby boy into a coffin and say goodbye to him. I may be raising an only child (as in my youngest son) and not even know it.

Every 4 months we go through this. And Every 4 months I think the same depresing thoughts, cry the same bucket loads of tears, lay in bed and endure the same sleepless nights.

I guess I better get used it it, I have 14 more years of it!!

Since he has been diagnosed I've kind of lost faith. I believe in the power of modern medacine and thats about it now.

But I've got to try anything I can, and if prayers work, then I'd really appreciate if you all could prey for my son. Prey that he will live to be an old man with kids and grand kids. Prey that he will have a very long, happy healthy life. That he will never have to worry about his health again.

My son has gone through too much for his young age, and I need to know it's going to be okay.

I dont know how much it will work, if it will at all. But I'd appreciate all the prayers you can manage.

Thanks so much.

Francine & Blake (5 year old Superman).
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Old 02-19-2012, 05:07 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Oh Francine, I am so sorry that you all (and especially your son) are having to endure this long journey. I will join you in prayer for his restoration of health. I will also pray for your restoration of faith. May you always know through the ups and downs of life in this world, that there are indeed greater rewards awaiting us. May He bless you and keep you in his care always ♥.
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Old 02-19-2012, 05:25 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Thank you Bridget,
I appreciate it till no end.

Before Blake was diagnosed, I was doing a bible study every week nad going to the kingdom hall when I could.
I had PND after the birth of my youngest son but was trying to fight my way through it.
I fell into a bad patch and decided to stop the study to try and sort through some stuff. I still prayed every night and before meals etc
I just wasnt active in my study or going to the Kingdom Hall.
It was only 2 months after I stopped studying that Blake was diagnosed.

I really felt like He was punishing me for stopping my study and attendance.
I know that God doesnt work that way, it was just the way that I felt.

Thank you again, it means so much to us to have your support.
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Old 02-19-2012, 06:04 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Francine, I know what you mean. It is so easy fall into the belief that we are being punished for this or that. As believers we know that this way of thinking is not in His will. Hold firm to the word and not the world. Everything else will fall into place my friend. Hugs.
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Old 02-19-2012, 07:01 AM   #5 (permalink)
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My prayers are with you and your family.
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Old 02-19-2012, 07:20 AM   #6 (permalink)
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My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.. I know its hard but please try and stay strong -
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Old 02-19-2012, 07:46 AM   #7 (permalink)
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If we don't faith what do we have??? God is able! My son is 33 years old and since the age of 13 he has battled major depression. There have been so many times that I thought sure , that I would lose my son. He has been doing great now and I give the glory to God!!! We don't know why we have to go through the things that we do, but I know that if it wasn't for My God I could not go through it. My prayers are for your son, that God puts his healing arms around him, and that your faith in God is restored. God made your beautiful son and he can certainly fix him.
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Old 02-19-2012, 08:30 AM   #8 (permalink)
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We're all here for you and keeping your son in our hearts. Don't feel like you're being punished for lack of faith,it doesn't work that way... things just happen...no rhyme or reason...
I lost a dear friend last week, she committed suicide in a church parking lot...

Just keep positive and keep yourself healthy so you can be there for your loved ones... and never feel like you can't ask for help or prayers...you'll find both and more here.
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Old 02-19-2012, 08:54 AM   #9 (permalink)
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@Michelle....I am SO sorry for the loss of your friend. Lifting up prayers. ♥
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Old 02-19-2012, 09:05 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Awwh I am sorry to read about Blake and wish him all the good health to come forward sending prayers your way.
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