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Old 01-22-2013, 03:21 PM   #51 (permalink)
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If he doesn't feel he can live with your dog and he isn't even living with you yet...not a good start...
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Old 01-22-2013, 03:23 PM   #52 (permalink)
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This is just an observation on my part. How men treat dogs is how they will treat kids. If they are loving and patient vs. standoffish or mean pay attention. In all honesty, people do take a high road to animals. And I love my dogs. My husband is not jealous of my attention to the dogs, as he wasn't jealous of my attention to our children. He isn't as "into" the dogs as I am, although I know he is fond of them. And this is how he was as a father as well. He was loving, but not as involved in rearing duties as was I. He was a good father and he is a good dog daddy. If you are planning on wanting children with this man, pay attention to how he is with dogs.
My DH sounds exactly like your husband Pam. However the older be gets, the more he enjoys our dogs. I could not spend my life with someone who resented my dogs. They don't have to be as crazy about them, as I am, but they can!t expect me to give them away. I don't have an issue with sports on the TV every weekend, and DH has no issue with 2 or 3 dogs in his lap during a game!!!
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Old 01-22-2013, 03:42 PM   #53 (permalink)
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My Al called on his break, he said same thing... talk first, if it can't work,walk away, don't be angry and dump, but walk away in a calm and mature manner so you won't feel like you haven't done your part...

He even commented on you calling your dog "beloved", but not the boyfriend...

Al wasn't a huge dog person, they had dogs as kids, hunting dogs and he liked them. He got Max a week before we got married... and I would come over and take care of him while he was at work, until we got married. We didn't live together first but I was pretty sure he was going to be a great doggie daddy...

Al eventually went from liking dogs to absolutely loving them. You gotta like them first though...

Al's folks liked dogs and loved playing with ours but weren't dog in the bed people...now they are.

My folks got a dog when they first got married, since they couldn't have kids,but not real attached to them, it was one of those things, everyone else has one, so that's what we're supposed to do... .They adopted kids and we had a few more dogs over the years but sadly the folks really treated us with the same arms distance they did the dogs...same thing, everyone has kids, so we're supposed to...

Come to find out my dad tolerated a dog for my mom and tolerated dogs and kids for my mom... found that out when he tried to kick my dogs for barking...

No set formula on what to do or not.

So what I'm saying is, if they have to tolerate something they don't like, not good either...

If you're not feeling happy about it now, will it change? Do you want to feel this way for 30 years...
I watched my parents miserable marriage of tolerance and unhappiness and unfulfilled dreams... I learned life is short and to make sure I'm doing what makes me happy and hopefully someone else will love me and we'll build our happiness together on love, respect... not tolerating because you think you have to..

Sounds pretty heavy ..dating and a dog, but life is that way...each little decision effects the next and exponentially the next.
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Old 01-22-2013, 03:45 PM   #54 (permalink)
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Oh, yes!!! Excellent advice!!!

My other thought is how your boyfriend might treat your dog when you are not there. My ex ... of many, many years ago, was so abusive. He was jealous of our dog, Jecky. Jecky would listen to me ... but, not to my ex. So, then my ex would take a shoe or something else and hit the poor dog. He couldn't understand why Jecky would come to me ... but, not to him. Duh.

The ultimate meaness my ex did to me and Jecky was come home one day ... and, he took Jecky away. I will never to this day remember the look in that sweet doggies eyes ... he knew he was being taken away from me. This was over forty five years ago ... and, I still feel the sadness of what this mean person did. I can't even call him a man ... he was an abusive bully. He was so abusive ... not only to Jecky, but, to me, too.

So, I totally agree with Pam. How a person treats a dog is how one will usually treat a human, too.

Reading this totally broke my heart! I am so sorry that you went through this. I can't even image how horrible it must have been to have someone take away your dog.
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Old 01-22-2013, 03:50 PM   #55 (permalink)
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Reading this totally broke my heart! I am so sorry that you went through this. I can't even image how horrible it must have been to have someone take away your dog.
I would of probably gone crazy!! I'm sorry Marie.
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Old 01-22-2013, 04:00 PM   #56 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by pammy4501 View Post
This is just an observation on my part. How men treat dogs is how they will treat kids. If they are loving and patient vs. standoffish or mean pay attention. In all honesty, people do take a high road to animals. And I love my dogs. My husband is not jealous of my attention to the dogs, as he wasn't jealous of my attention to our children. He isn't as "into" the dogs as I am, although I know he is fond of them. And this is how he was as a father as well. He was loving, but not as involved in rearing duties as was I. He was a good father and he is a good dog daddy. If you are planning on wanting children with this man, pay attention to how he is with dogs.
I agree. There is a saying : people who don't love animals, don't love people. He says now that he wants children. He cannot stand the barking of a dog, how on earth is he going to stand the crying and whining of a child ?? Compared to children, dogs are easy. He says you cannot compare a child to a dog. In a way he is right but not in his way of thinking. Children are way worse than a dog and you even cannot get rid of them.
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Old 01-22-2013, 04:36 PM   #57 (permalink)
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I am one of the 'old-gals' here and married for over 37 years. My husband loves animals of all kinds and especially dogs and cats...but wildlife etc as well. When I met him, I found this common trait we had ( amongst others of course) was something very important to me and felt it also reflected other 'basic' traits about him that I was seeking in a lifetime partner.

That was not always so the case with boyfriends I "adored' when I was young. One guy was so good in so many ways but he truly didn't like animals. Not always 'dislike'... maybe disinterest a better word. An example.. we saw a turtle crossing in the middle of a road. I wanted him to stop so I could scoot it off to the side for it's safety. He wouldn't, saying that's part of nature etc) and it really was the 'wake-up' call for me. We broke up shortly after. He was handsome, ambitious ( in a good way) fun, etc but I KNEW his attitude toward animals would always be a conflict between us.
On the other side of the 'page... I think it was last year, my hubby and I were headed home...once again involving a turtle near a farm with a pond.. there he was on the side of the road but ready to cross. It's a secondary road but heavily trafficked at 'commuter time' which was near. I didn't even have to 'ask" I just said oh dear that turtle is headed to cross the road... it's going to get hit! Hubby immediately pulled off to the side of the road and we got the turtle way back toward the pond out of harms way.

There was another relationship where "I" was the issue. This guy was also handsome and probably my first 'true-love".. I was head over heels!!..BUT he was soooo much into sports!! He played on a couple baseball teams.. and loved to watch every thing 'sporty' going! I was not at all 'into' sports and did resent that every bit of free time he had ...if sports were involved... that was a priority! Oh he wanted to include me, but many times I wasn't interested. 'Loving sports' was a good part of who he was...I KNEW in the big picture this was going to be a problem to me. I don't think I'm a bad person because I couldn't get into what he loved...
Though yes, successful relationships require some compromise...but there are some things so instilled in people it's what makes them..."them". My love of animals ..and ALL that goes with that is a good part of what makes me..."ME". Someone who didn't have that same interest doesn't necessarily make them a bad person... just a constant source of conflict of what's so very important to make 'us'..."US". To expect drastic change on either persons part is in my opinion...asking for at the very least disappointment... and possibly 'disaster".
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Old 01-22-2013, 04:45 PM   #58 (permalink)
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I agree. There is a saying : people who don't love animals, don't love people. He says now that he wants children. He cannot stand the barking of a dog, how on earth is he going to stand the crying and whining of a child ?? Compared to children, dogs are easy. He says you cannot compare a child to a dog. In a way he is right but not in his way of thinking. Children are way worse than a dog and you even cannot get rid of them.
I had to laugh.. Children are way worse and you can't get rid of them!!!There were times as teenagers ,that I wish that I could of sent them somewhere until they were over the teen age years!!! Never felt that way about my dogs!!
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Old 01-22-2013, 04:48 PM   #59 (permalink)
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That would be my hubby too, to the rescue of anything on the road that might get hit.
Sounds like the right choice...
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Old 01-22-2013, 07:05 PM   #60 (permalink)
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[QUOTE=maltese manica;2158737]I almost threw up reading this!!!!! was this looser abusing you to??? I am so sorry but I feel so sad about Jecky......................... I could never have dealt with that!!!! Oh gosh I am sorry........... [

Yes, he abused me, too. I ended up in the hospital for almost two months because of his abuse (you don't want to know what he and his mistress were a part of doing to me ... except to say I almost lost my eyesight, in fact did, off and on for almost a year and a half). After that, and with the help of a priest, I had no choice but to divorce him. My ex had no conscience ... he did his best to try and ruin my life even after the divorce.

Unfortunately, I was too young and naive to realize who I had married at the time. I was eighteen going on nineteen ... and, he was almost fourteen years older.

Ten years after my divorce to him, I remarried to someone who is entirely different from my ex. My husband Felix and I have been married for going on thirty-two years now. And, Felix adores Snowball and would never abuse me or him.

I didn't mean to hi-jack this thread, but, I do feel it's best to walk away from any man when we have any doubts about them. I just didn't learn that lesson earlier on in my life.
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