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Old 01-22-2013, 07:31 PM   #61 (permalink)
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[quote=Snowball Pie's Mommi;2159801]
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I almost threw up reading this!!!!! was this looser abusing you to??? I am so sorry but I feel so sad about Jecky......................... I could never have dealt with that!!!! Oh gosh I am sorry........... [

Yes, he abused me, too. I ended up in the hospital for almost two months because of his abuse (you don't want to know what he and his mistress were a part of doing to me ... except to say I almost lost my eyesight, in fact did, off and on for almost a year and a half). After that, and with the help of a priest, I had no choice but to divorce him. My ex had no conscience ... he did his best to try and ruin my life even after the divorce.

Unfortunately, I was too young and naive to realize who I had married at the time. I was eighteen going on nineteen ... and, he was almost fourteen years older.

Ten years after my divorce to him, I remarried to someone who is entirely different from my ex. My husband Felix and I have been married for going on thirty-two years now. And, Felix adores Snowball and would never abuse me or him.

I didn't mean to hi-jack this thread, but, I do feel it's best to walk away from any man when we have any doubts about them. I just didn't learn that lesson earlier on in my life.
Marie.............. I'm speechless but proud of you! I just want to hug you! I hope people can learn from you and the others on this post. I wish I could go back in time and rescued you and jeckie. I would've clobbered that looser with a cast iron frying pan. I'm soooo sorry that you had to go through that.
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Old 01-22-2013, 08:18 PM   #62 (permalink)
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[quote=Snowball Pie's Mommi;2159801]
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I almost threw up reading this!!!!! was this looser abusing you to??? I am so sorry but I feel so sad about Jecky......................... I could never have dealt with that!!!! Oh gosh I am sorry........... [

Yes, he abused me, too. I ended up in the hospital for almost two months because of his abuse (you don't want to know what he and his mistress were a part of doing to me ... except to say I almost lost my eyesight, in fact did, off and on for almost a year and a half). After that, and with the help of a priest, I had no choice but to divorce him. My ex had no conscience ... he did his best to try and ruin my life even after the divorce.

Unfortunately, I was too young and naive to realize who I had married at the time. I was eighteen going on nineteen ... and, he was almost fourteen years older.

Ten years after my divorce to him, I remarried to someone who is entirely different from my ex. My husband Felix and I have been married for going on thirty-two years now. And, Felix adores Snowball and would never abuse me or him.

I didn't mean to hi-jack this thread, but, I do feel it's best to walk away from any man when we have any doubts about them. I just didn't learn that lesson earlier on in my life.

I had a very bad first marriage too. Now, I have to say that nobody really gave me any advice. No body warned me. No body encouraged me to leave. I stayed with him for years, because I didn't want to fail. I didn't want family to...I don't even know, be embarrassed, disappointed??? Only when I told them I was leaving him did they cheer and express that they were concerned for my safety all those years.

Somehow, they had the idea that they shouldn't tell me what to do. That they shouldn't interfere. But, I think that if we see a young woman about to walk onto the train tracks and know the train is coming....we should pull her off.

I'm not talking about OP, although I do feel that this man might not be a happy match for her.
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Old 01-22-2013, 10:16 PM   #63 (permalink)
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I agree! Also, another thing I wanted to point out beyond the day-to-day whether he can live in a home or not with your dog issue is....money! If you decide to continue with the relationship and you end up living together, how is he going to feel about the cost, both fixed and unexpected, that being a responsible pet owner brings?? I know personally some people that I talk to are SHOCKED when they realize how much money I spend on Bella...high quality dog food, grooming,vet care and of course, all the little fun stuff that just gives me pleasure to provide for her. Some of people have told me flat out that I am stupid or crazy for spending that much on a dog. How is your boyfriend going to feel and god forbid, what if there is a MAJOR expense related to your fluff's health? You need to make sure you both are on the same page about how much and what you are willing to sacrifice to ensure the health and well-being of your dog. If not, the money part of pet ownership could potentially cause huge issues in your relationship. You need to consider all of it, including the money part, very seriously.
Hope is offering great points to think about ... especially in regard to major expense issues in regard to our fluff babies.

A couple of weeks ago my sweet hubby called his golf buddies to tell them he couldn't play because we had to take Snowball back in to the vet for another check-up. One of the guys said ... "It's time to get rid of the dog!" I was so angry! I was livid. How dare him?! Here we were worried about Snowball and then to hear such an insensitive remark like that. Well, I said something to my husband that some might think was very unlady like. I said ... " I know he is one of the guys you play golf with ... But, I must share with you that I think his name fits him perfectly ... because after what he said about Snowball ... in my eyes, he truly is a d...!"
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Old 01-22-2013, 10:29 PM   #64 (permalink)
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So this is getting to be a popular thread fast....

And I don't want to throw your boyfriend under the bus.... I know how hard that can be.

I will say this:

I had a friend come to me awhile back, she was wondering if she and her husband were ready to have children. I told her to get a dog. That they should go pick a dog out together as a couple and then if they could successfully raise a dog, they would be ready for a kid.

Raising a creature together takes compromise and patience. It takes a lot of give and take and learning to let go of control all the time. It's very similar to raising a child, but I will say raising a dog is easier. If you mess up a dog, well you live with it... but only you live with the dog. If you mess up a kid the kid eventually goes out into the world and then the world has to live with what you created LOL

Well, it's been 4 years and my friend and her DH now have 2 dogs, and they are now finally ready to start having kids. But she told me it took a good 18 months for them to find their "groove" it was quite a challenge for them. She saw his "parenting" style, and she saw her own. There were moments when things did not go so well and they both got very upset with the other for how they did something. There was actually a mini separation of a few weeks - because it is hard to learn to take care of something else besides yourself with another person. But they are stronger now and it taught them to communicate and where they needed to work together, etc.

I do agree that how people treat animals speaks greatly about the person they are. Even if they choose not to have an animal themselves, they should be a person who treats animals with respect and kindness.

An animal *is* like a child - in the way of being helpless and dependent on the people around them to keep them safe and provide them with all of their basic and not so basic needs.

If a person cannot do that or is not willing to do that - they are not ready to embark on a path with another person let alone even talk about having children.

Someone in my life called it their "selfish" phase. They only wanted time for themselves and didn't want to have to care for anything else or make any other compromises. Which is fine... Glad that person was able to label and see they were in that phase.

Some move out of it sooner than others, some go deeper into it than others.... But I think your boyfriend is not at the same level you are at right now.

You are wanting to nurture and create relationships with other people and animals. He seems not to be.... At least from the little I read about him. That doesn't make him a bad person. It just makes him in a different space in life right now.

Moving in probably won't be a good idea. But that is a decision you have to make. If you move in with him, though, right now in the space he is in and the space you are in.... I have a feeling you will be on constant alert... making sure your "baby" isn't feeling shunned or unloved. That he isn't mean or uncaring to her.

Because it's like a child... dogs know when someone isn't friendly or doesn't like them. And so your dog will bark at him and continue with unwanted behaviors because she will feel threatened. Then you will feel like you need to defend her... and it just won't be good.

I'd think about where you two are.

7 years is a long time, but it sounds like you both were very young when you started seeing each other. People grow, people change. ESPECIALLY at the age you are right now. This is the time people begin to figure out who they are.... maybe you two are going in different directions....

Therapy might be a good option.... Even if just to talk about where you are now and where you both want to go...

Sorry for the ramble
I really like you, Tori. You have given such great feedback and advice. A lot to think about. Thank you for sharing the story and experience about your friend and husband.
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Old 01-22-2013, 10:32 PM   #65 (permalink)
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My father is that way too,in fact he told us if we died and no one took the dogs..he'd have them put to sleep...Needless to say they will go to rescue if no one can take them...I know they will make sure they're safe and cared for...It's spelled out in our wills...

My Al gets teased at work because he doesn't have "manly dogs".Al even tells them he "loves his babies"...
Al tells them he's man enough he doesn't need an "extention"... Funny when the guys at work brag about manly cars or manly sports jackets,they ask what he thinks, he says "nice extention"! Took them a while but they got it eventually...

It takes a real man to walk a dog in a dress...and many times Al has been seen by his work buddies with me at the nursing home doing just that...

If guys at work would say "get rid of the dog" he'd tell them off...
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Old 01-22-2013, 10:34 PM   #66 (permalink)
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My DH sounds exactly like your husband Pam. However the older be gets, the more he enjoys our dogs. I could not spend my life with someone who resented my dogs. They don't have to be as crazy about them, as I am, but they can!t expect me to give them away. I don't have an issue with sports on the TV every weekend, and DH has no issue with 2 or 3 dogs in his lap during a game!!!
I love it!!! 2 or 3 dogs on his lap during the game! Everybody wins!!!
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Old 01-22-2013, 10:48 PM   #67 (permalink)
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Can't enjoy a movie or game with out fluffs all over you,Al says...it's about sharing with the family...
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Old 01-22-2013, 10:50 PM   #68 (permalink)
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Reading this totally broke my heart! I am so sorry that you went through this. I can't even image how horrible it must have been to have someone take away your dog.
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I would of probably gone crazy!! I'm sorry Marie.
Thank you Hope and Deb.

I just thank God I was strong enough not to have a nervous breakdown after all he put me through. When I divorced him he threatened that he would make sure I ended up in a mental institution. I never did. He continued to do things to try and completely ruin my life. He even threatened Felix before we married ... but, Felix stood up to him. Some of my dearest and closest friends think I should write a book about my life. I feel blessed and count my blessings despite the sad times from my past.
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Old 01-22-2013, 10:59 PM   #69 (permalink)
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I am one of the 'old-gals' here and married for over 37 years. My husband loves animals of all kinds and especially dogs and cats...but wildlife etc as well. When I met him, I found this common trait we had ( amongst others of course) was something very important to me and felt it also reflected other 'basic' traits about him that I was seeking in a lifetime partner.

That was not always so the case with boyfriends I "adored' when I was young. One guy was so good in so many ways but he truly didn't like animals. Not always 'dislike'... maybe disinterest a better word. An example.. we saw a turtle crossing in the middle of a road. I wanted him to stop so I could scoot it off to the side for it's safety. He wouldn't, saying that's part of nature etc) and it really was the 'wake-up' call for me. We broke up shortly after. He was handsome, ambitious ( in a good way) fun, etc but I KNEW his attitude toward animals would always be a conflict between us.
On the other side of the 'page... I think it was last year, my hubby and I were headed home...once again involving a turtle near a farm with a pond.. there he was on the side of the road but ready to cross. It's a secondary road but heavily trafficked at 'commuter time' which was near. I didn't even have to 'ask" I just said oh dear that turtle is headed to cross the road... it's going to get hit! Hubby immediately pulled off to the side of the road and we got the turtle way back toward the pond out of harms way.

There was another relationship where "I" was the issue. This guy was also handsome and probably my first 'true-love".. I was head over heels!!..BUT he was soooo much into sports!! He played on a couple baseball teams.. and loved to watch every thing 'sporty' going! I was not at all 'into' sports and did resent that every bit of free time he had ...if sports were involved... that was a priority! Oh he wanted to include me, but many times I wasn't interested. 'Loving sports' was a good part of who he was...I KNEW in the big picture this was going to be a problem to me. I don't think I'm a bad person because I couldn't get into what he loved...
Though yes, successful relationships require some compromise...but there are some things so instilled in people it's what makes them..."them". My love of animals ..and ALL that goes with that is a good part of what makes me..."ME". Someone who didn't have that same interest doesn't necessarily make them a bad person... just a constant source of conflict of what's so very important to make 'us'..."US". To expect drastic change on either persons part is in my opinion...asking for at the very least disappointment... and possibly 'disaster".
Terry, I loved reading your story and thoughts. I love this thread. There are so many life experiences to share here. I hope this helps Madeleine's mommy ... because we all care so much.
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Old 01-22-2013, 11:05 PM   #70 (permalink)
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I had to laugh.. Children are way worse and you can't get rid of them!!!There were times as teenagers ,that I wish that I could of sent them somewhere until they were over the teen age years!!! Never felt that way about my dogs!!
A long time ago a friend of mine, who is a psychologist, told me that is why God made babies ... because we fall in love with them before they become teenagers!
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