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Old 01-22-2013, 11:13 PM   #71 (permalink)
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[quote=maltese manica;2159865]
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Originally Posted by Snowball Pie's Mommi View Post

Marie.............. I'm speechless but proud of you! I just want to hug you! I hope people can learn from you and the others on this post. I wish I could go back in time and rescued you and jeckie. I would've clobbered that looser with a cast iron frying pan. I'm soooo sorry that you had to go through that.
Awwww ... Thank you, Janene.
[quote=Sylie;2160010]
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I had a very bad first marriage too. Now, I have to say that nobody really gave me any advice. No body warned me. No body encouraged me to leave. I stayed with him for years, because I didn't want to fail. I didn't want family to...I don't even know, be embarrassed, disappointed??? Only when I told them I was leaving him did they cheer and express that they were concerned for my safety all those years.

Somehow, they had the idea that they shouldn't tell me what to do. That they shouldn't interfere. But, I think that if we see a young woman about to walk onto the train tracks and know the train is coming....we should pull her off.

I'm not talking about OP, although I do feel that this man might not be a happy match for her.
Wow, Sylvia. That was me, too.

Oh, and my ex came across as such a charmer to the rest of the world. It's amazing what can happen behind closed doors.
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Old 01-22-2013, 11:30 PM   #72 (permalink)
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A part of me wonders if it's not really the dog, but it's an easy excuse so he doesn't have to discuss a bigger issue? Like maybe he is afraid of moving in together, but he's using the dog as a convenient excuse? Just another possibility.

Anyway, my last ex hated Tiff. It wasn't the reason we broke up, but it did contribute. Tiffany is my baby, and dogs are such a big part of my life in general (I volunteer at the animal shelter, and...don't laugh...I do a lot of dog-inspired art and design projects). I've pretty much decided that any future relationships need to be with guys who love animals.
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Old 01-23-2013, 12:15 AM   #73 (permalink)
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[quote=Sylie;2160010]
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Originally Posted by Snowball Pie's Mommi View Post


I had a very bad first marriage too. Now, I have to say that nobody really gave me any advice. No body warned me. No body encouraged me to leave. I stayed with him for years, because I didn't want to fail. I didn't want family to...I don't even know, be embarrassed, disappointed??? Only when I told them I was leaving him did they cheer and express that they were concerned for my safety all those years.

Somehow, they had the idea that they shouldn't tell me what to do. That they shouldn't interfere. But, I think that if we see a young woman about to walk onto the train tracks and know the train is coming....we should pull her off.

I'm not talking about OP, although I do feel that this man might not be a happy match for her.

Wow thread is evolving, hope we didn't scare her off...

My childhood friend had two bad marriages, both times I told her they were bums, while family told her to stick it out... One marriage ended with the soon to be ex putting a gun to his baby girl's head, somehow she got him to hand over the baby and she got away..

Next one she picked up at the Moose club (should been a good indicator) don't pick up guys at bars and bring them home,no matter how cute their eyes are...
He molested her youngest daughter..
Before they broke up, he got drunk and called her an "f-ing retard" right in front of Al and me. We were visiting ,so I told Al not to punch him as we didn't know what he'd do to her after we left. I told her there are worse things than being alone and he was "it". She got mad and didn't talk to me for a month...

Later she told me he had drown their kittens the year before...and him being arrested...
She did eventually divorce him after he got arrested for child molestation... She said she stayed and put up with verbal abuse, he never hit her,but I felt it was coming...because her church and family told her it was a sin to leave,I was the only one who told her to leave... Believe it or not her church told her to stay after her husband was arrested for child molestation,telling her it was her duty to stay...to forgive...

Forget that!

Even though I hate divorce, child of divorce, I wouldn't tell someone to stay in a bad relationship... takes two "rights" to begin with...it's not a pass/fail on you if you try....

There's not just one person out there in our lives, people come and go, but gotta have high standards, not snooty ones but what you want in life and love. Hard to put into words,but never "settle" for " good enough for now".

Go for the whole package..I got lucky my first real love ,not first boyfriend but it turned out, he was my Mr.Right. when I met him he was divorced and single and goal oriented...

Al was shacked up, then married ,then divorced,then a couple more live ins thinking he'd get to know them better first, well he did....but it wasn't the same commitment as marriage, more like playing house together. So he decided to go a traditional route.

I met Al he had long hair, smoked, drank a bit and was trying to quit drugs,oooh baby what a catch! It was a fix up date... But he was trying to be a professional bowler and he practiced almost every day, had goals and something about him,you just knew he was evolving in his life.
Plus he had that sweet farmboy still inside him...and he was good to his folks...
Now he's clean shaven short hair, non smoking and very seldom drinks and he's no dream squasher... We talked about our plans , the future. then dated, got married and we've been inseperable for almost 30 years.

I gotta get him cloned,I need some spares, just in case...

I might not have known for sure what I wanted, but I knew what I didn't want....grew up with it,saw it first hand and didn't want it...

I don't know how I got lucky, believe me a couple of my ex boyfriends would have been ex husbands since they turned out to be real jerks,but didn't find that our until someone else married them...
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Old 01-23-2013, 12:26 AM   #74 (permalink)
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[quote=michellerobison;2161122]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sylie View Post


Wow thread is evolving, hope we didn't scare her off...

My childhood friend had two bad marriages, both times I told her they were bums, while family told her to stick it out... One marriage ended with the soon to be ex putting a gun to his baby girl's head, somehow she got him to hand over the baby and she got away..

Next one she picked up at the Moose club (should been a good indicator) don't pick up guys at bars and bring them home,no matter how cute their eyes are...
He molested her youngest daughter..
Before they broke up, he got drunk and called her an "f-ing retard" right in front of Al and me. We were visiting ,so I told Al not to punch him as we didn't know what he'd do to her after we left. I told her there are worse things than being alone and he was "it". She got mad and didn't talk to me for a month...

Later she told me he had drown their kittens the year before...and him being arrested...
She did eventually divorce him after he got arrested for child molestation... She said she stayed and put up with verbal abuse, he never hit her,but I felt it was coming...because her church and family told her it was a sin to leave,I was the only one who told her to leave... Believe it or not her church told her to stay after her husband was arrested for child molestation,telling her it was her duty to stay...to forgive...

Forget that!

Even though I hate divorce, child of divorce, I wouldn't tell someone to stay in a bad relationship... takes two "rights" to begin with...it's not a pass/fail on you if you try....

There's not just one person out there in our lives, people come and go, but gotta have high standards, not snooty ones but what you want in life and love. Hard to put into words,but never "settle" for " good enough for now".

Go for the whole package..I got lucky my first real love ,not first boyfriend but it turned out, he was my Mr.Right. when I met him he was divorced and single and goal oriented...

Al was shacked up, then married ,then divorced,then a couple more live ins thinking he'd get to know them better first, well he did....but it wasn't the same commitment as marriage, more like playing house together. So he decided to go a traditional route.

I met Al he had long hair, smoked, drank a bit and was trying to quit drugs,oooh baby what a catch! It was a fix up date... But he was trying to be a professional bowler and he practiced almost every day, had goals and something about him,you just knew he was evolving in his life.
Plus he had that sweet farmboy still inside him...and he was good to his folks...
Now he's clean shaven short hair, non smoking and very seldom drinks and he's no dream squasher... We talked about our plans , the future. then dated, got married and we've been inseperable for almost 30 years.

I gotta get him cloned,I need some spares, just in case...

I might not have known for sure what I wanted, but I knew what I didn't want....grew up with it,saw it first hand and didn't want it...

I don't know how I got lucky, believe me a couple of my ex boyfriends would have been ex husbands since they turned out to be real jerks,but didn't find that our until someone else married them...
Michelle, thank you for sharing your stories. I love reading them. You share so much wisdom, too. And, reading about you and Al is a true love story. I am happy for you!
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Old 01-23-2013, 10:50 AM   #75 (permalink)
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Hope is offering great points to think about ... especially in regard to major expense issues in regard to our fluff babies.

A couple of weeks ago my sweet hubby called his golf buddies to tell them he couldn't play because we had to take Snowball back in to the vet for another check-up. One of the guys said ... "It's time to get rid of the dog!" I was so angry! I was livid. How dare him?! Here we were worried about Snowball and then to hear such an insensitive remark like that. Well, I said something to my husband that some might think was very unlady like. I said ... " I know he is one of the guys you play golf with ... But, I must share with you that I think his name fits him perfectly ... because after what he said about Snowball ... in my eyes, he truly is a d...!"
Oh Marie, I would be livid too! how awful. I hope Felix told him what you said.
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Old 01-23-2013, 12:31 PM   #76 (permalink)
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Not a hard decision at all, DUMP HIM!
I agree with you, I think it's jealousy as well. If this is the case it's never going to change. He will always be jealous of her. I'm sorry to say this but I feel it's the truth.

I was so lucky when my husband decided after 15yrs together to let me get my Bella. He was frantic about everything when it came to a dog being in the house. Not because he didn't like them. He is very OCD about the carpet and etc and is a very emotional person and thought to much about how much it would hurt if something were to happen to our dog (even 15 yrs down the road, when we hadn't even gotten her yet)
Now after having her for almost a year I can say this, she is his baby girl and he is so (over) protective of her his friends think he need therapy LOL!!!

I wish you the best of luck, I'm not sure an ultimadem (sp) is even the answer. I'd be afraid that would make him even worse
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Old 01-23-2013, 01:04 PM   #77 (permalink)
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Default My boyfriend hates my dog

I'm not a cat person, and I think I may even be allergic, but if my bf had a cat and we wanted to move in together, I would at least TRY because I loved him enough... just something to keep in mind... someone who isn't willing to compromise on something this important, well that's not a good sign I also agree that this is an indicator of what having a child is like (ESP regarding the mess...) and I think we cn ALL attest that Maltese especially as a breed are clean as long as you keep them clean and most definitely do not smell!! plus they don't even shed, come on now! I think he's being unreasonable... it would be really hard fo rme to be with someone who didn't like dogs...


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Old 01-25-2013, 01:13 PM   #78 (permalink)
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I really like you, Tori. You have given such great feedback and advice. A lot to think about. Thank you for sharing the story and experience about your friend and husband.
Marie: great advice!!!!!!!! I agree with everything you said!!!!!
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Old 01-25-2013, 01:15 PM   #79 (permalink)
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I don't think I could marry someone that doesn't love me and my dog! You are very young. My advice would be to get a place of your own.
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Old 01-25-2013, 05:11 PM   #80 (permalink)
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I'm not going to say your bf is a bad guy. When I first started dating my DH, I lived with my Mom. We had 2 pekingnese. My DH (bf at the time), didn't like them. He wasn't mean to them, but didn't give them any attention. I knew that he didn't like dogs in the house, he grew up with the rule that animals were nasty and belonged outside, and small dogs were useless, it didn't matter to me at the time. We married, had 2 kids, he's a great dad. 15 yrs into the marriage and I decided that I couldn't live without a dog. I wanted my sons ( ages were now 11 and 15) to experience a dog. I told my DH I wanted a Maltese, he said no. So, I didn't speak to him for 2 wks. He finally said "go get the d@&! dog. Well, the next day I brought Lily home. He called her a rat. He then saw how much our boys adored her and what a sweetheart she is, he accepted her after about a year. It was when we got Luci that he fell in love. He and Luci bonded from the minute we got her. When she got sick he never questioned how much it was costing(it was thousands). The day we lost her was the second time in 24 yrs that I'd seen him cry, he was so brokenhearted. I told him we still have Lily, his reply was "but she doesn't love me like Luci did". He takes the pups for car rides, he will hand fed them when needed, he helps bathe them, they sleep on his pillow, etc. I don't know what I would have done if he had ended up hating the dogs. My situation truly was that he didn't know what he was missing. You need to have a serious conversation with your bf. Good luck.
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