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Old 01-22-2013, 10:50 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default My boyfriend hates my dog

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place right now. I really need some advice or insight on this situation.

I've been dating my boyfriend for 7 years. We both still live at home with our parents because we are both in college. My mom finally let me get a dog when I was 20 after a lifetime of begging for one. I had been with my boyfriend for 3 years at that point. My boyfriend told me that he didn't like dogs but I never really took it seriously because he's never spent more than a short period of time around a dog.

I ended up getting Madeleine my beloved baby girl. At first he did good with her because she was so tiny and she was really playful. So he'd play with her at first. After she starting growing and began housebreaking and began her barking he no longer wanted to be around her. Within the next 1.5 years we got 2 more dogs a eskimo/poodle and a maltipoo because my family wanted to add more dogs so they could be playmates.

All 3 dogs are super friendly and fun to be around. They are all well-behaved except for their yappy barking and hyperness. We've never had any issues with their personalities and they are welcoming of strangers.

Anyways as graduation is getting closer and closer my boyfriend and I have talked about moving together after I graduate because he is continuing his education and wants to get his Ph.D. Now hear comes the tricky part he doesn't know if he could handle living with Madeleine. He's undecided.

I've already told him that leaving her with my family is not going to happen. There is NO WAY in this entire world that I am giving her up. I'd rather him leave me than lose her. I understand he doesn't like dogs but I think it's awful that he thinks that I can just leave her. I've had her since she was 8 weeks old and she really is the light of my life. I can't even put into words how much I love her.

I don't know what to do. Is there some way for me to get them to bond? Or is this a lost cause?

His major issues with the whole living with her thing is..
1. Her barking
2. He thinks that dogs will smell the apartment up even though I keep her well groomed and clean.
3. He is worried that she'll ruin things even though she has done anything destructive since she was teething like almost 4 years ago.

So it's not about her personality.

Also I have reservations because there is no way that I could tolerate him being mean to her or giving a negative energy that he dislikes her. He has never done anything mean to her but he doe give a vibe out and I'm sure she picks up on it. I can't have her move and lose her doggy brother and sister to a place where she doesn't feel welcome.
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Old 01-22-2013, 10:55 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I dont know what to say for you to do............................. but if it was me in your shoes I would dump him so fast I dont think he would know what hit him. You cant force someone to love an animal if they dont like them they dont like them. Have you given him an ultimatium??????? Has he tried to spend time with her one on one???? Does he know how you feel??? what has he suggested????
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Old 01-22-2013, 11:00 AM   #3 (permalink)
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As someone who is living with a husband that really does not like my parrot I can tell you it is NOT easy or pleasant. You need to decide now if you can go the rest of your life with this person and not have any dogs. If the answer is no, then you know what you need to do. Do not put a pet in a situation where your other half can't stand them, it is completely not fair to the pet. For me, I couldn't be without a dog.
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Old 01-22-2013, 11:01 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Wow...that's really a difficult situation to be in. Thankfully, my husband loves animals so I can't imagine living with someone who doesnt like animals, especially dogs. I think that its like anything else in a long term realtionship...kids, how you will raise them, religious and cultural differences, money, etc...if you are not on the same page, its not going to work. If you love your dog and he does not, if you can't imagine living your life without a pet in it and he is not interested in having a pet, in the big picture, its going to cause tension and stress in your relationship that will create problems. My advice is to know what you want from life and how you want to live your life and then find the right partner that works with what you want and what your goals are. Don't change what you want to make someone else happy. But that's just my two cents...

Good luck!
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Old 01-22-2013, 11:14 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Look at the pros & cons of each.... man - oh my! what a long list that can be. Dog... Yelp, dog wins.
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Old 01-22-2013, 11:21 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Really Hard for you i see that. All the above advice is something for you to think about. Iam sorry this is about a maltese and Thank God NOT A CHILD!!!
God Bless You--Nickee In Pa*
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Old 01-22-2013, 11:21 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Thank you all for your advice.

He's so wishy-washy with his feelings about it. Sometimes he's okay with it and sometimes he's not. He already knows my position on it. Sometimes he'll play with her or when we take her to the park he'll walk her around.

I don't know if it's a fear thing with him of what living with her could be like or if it's dislike or if it's jealousy. I think he gets jealous of her which is really strange.
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Old 01-22-2013, 11:39 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I think it would be hard to find anyone on here that will say to give up your dog or to somehow have your dog not part of your family time with him.

I think you can learn a lot about someone with how they treat animals. It gives you an idea of how he'll treat kids too. and kids are messier, dirtier, and louder.

Good luck in your decision. 7 years is hard, but i've heard of longer relationships going down for less serious things. but if you wanted to hear someone say that you're not crazy for choosing your dog over your boyfriend---well, you'll have lots of people here saying that youre not crazy.
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Old 01-22-2013, 11:41 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Some may think I'm overreacting, but I would actually suggest couples conseling. Sometimes differences like this can be indicators of difficulties in a relationship as a whole. The thing that really is an alert, in my opinion, is that he really isn't taking your feelings about it into account. I mean, he needs to understand that you LOVE your dog. Some people just can't "get" that concept. Without coming to some understanding, no matter which way you go (take the dog or not) there's going to be resentment. I think it's a big enough issue that some couples counseling about it would be in order before you move in together. I can just close my eyes and imagine the arguments that will be caused by this. I think you want to avoid that.
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Old 01-22-2013, 11:42 AM   #10 (permalink)
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None of us want to tell you what to do , we're just offering opinions, only you can decide what you want to put up with for the next 30 years....but you're young, just starting out in life. Sounds like you haven't dated much or been with one guy a long time,need to get out and meet people before you fixate on just one to settle down with...Sounds like a guy who cares more about his wants and needs over others...Sounds like he cares more about possessions more than others too...


Sorry but I'd say dump him, too controlling already.

Gotta worry about someone who doesn't like dogs.. how will he feel about a baby in a couple years...they cry , they stink up the house and ruin things?
Not to mention they tie you down, can't go out and leave a baby asleep in the bed like you can the dog...

One thing I know is a dog loves you no matter the choices...

Men come and go, there's Mr. Right and Mr. Right Now... sounds like you're with Mr. Right Now...

Take it from a lady who didn't date much either, but instead saw the world, experienced different cultures, traveled and then waited until Mr. Right came along... and he did ,30 years and counting now...and he loves dogs actually all animals..dogs are just his favourite...

Good thing I traveled overseas before we married, my husband is afraid of foreign travel...so you don't have to agree on everything but certain things are biggies....and pets are biggies, they're a living being... Once you plan to live together, your dog will feel unloved and unwanted and that's not fair to the dog, you or even the boyfriend...

I noticed you call her your "beloved" not calling the boyfriend that... maybe you have your answer... What do your folks think?
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