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Old 11-22-2012, 10:43 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Name: Abby Harvey
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I think that today has been the hardest day I have had since I lost my Mother 3.5 years ago. I started crying as soon as I got up today and I have cried all day. Just when I think that I can't cry any more, the tears just start again. My poor little fluff babies have licked my tears away all day. I think by now, they think that they have a crazy Mommie. My Mom always made the holidays special in a way that I can't even explain. Since she has been gone, Dad won't have anything to do with any of the holiday festivities--no Thanksgiving, no Christmas, no gifts, cards--nothing. I don't know why it hit me so hard this year but it feels like that I lost her last week. .Am I crazy or have others had this happen to them?
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Old 11-23-2012, 12:15 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Dearest Abby ...

My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry it has been such a sad day for you. And, I am sorry your Mom can't be there with you.

It sounds as though your father is heartbroken over the loss of your Mom, too ... and, especially with not wanting to celebrate any of the holidays. If I were you, that alone, would have me in tears. Bless your heart.

Abby, maybe you can have a heart to heart talk with your Dad ... and share with him how sad you have been feeling. Maybe you could help him see that your Mom would want you both to be happy ... and, that she would also want both of you to celebrate the holidays with happy memories. You could carry on the traditions that you had enjoyed with your Mom ... it would be a wonderful way to honor her memory.

I am sure your Mom's loving spirit is right there with you. I hope you can find peace and comfort in knowing her love will always be there with you.

Warm hugs for you, Abby.
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Old 11-23-2012, 05:15 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Oh that's a shame Abby .. I lost my mum 5 years ago in June to cancer .. Every year it hurts esp at Xmas time .. I find lighting a wee candle and keeping it lit over the holidays helps , and a photo by it .. Your dad my heart goes out tog. Too xx stay strong
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Old 11-23-2012, 06:42 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Abby, you are not crazy, but very, very human! It is in the season's passings & holidays especially that we are again confronted w/our deep losses. It is as though the sleeping pain in the heart is stirred on a deep level to surface again the pain & grief we try & keep buried. Holidays are, indeed, celebrated in families---and that is the reason the pain is intensified at this time.
In a real way your grief is doubled, as though losing one parent isn't enough---you have in a practical way lost both. When you could be gathering together to recall memories and comfort one another, you are left alone to grieve your mom and the loss of your dad's presence. I would be crying too!
If your dad isn't able to come away from his own grief long enough to celebrate your mom's life w/you then it is reasonable for you to think of some way that an investment of your time would benefit others---maybe caring for the homeless or some other needs where other people feel alone & need comfort. It is sometimes out of our own losses that we can meet other's needs because we have experienced deep grief---just a thought.
My heart goes out to you and I wish I could give you a real hug! Please express your grief to someone near you who is trustworthy. Maybe together solutions can be found. Sending love.
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Old 11-23-2012, 09:10 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I agree with the others, your not crazy. Hugs!
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Old 11-23-2012, 11:19 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Abby, the more you loved your mother the longer you will cry. I rarely cry when I think of her now. Now, it's just happy memories. But for the first 15 years I cried a lot.
It is a good thing to cry...to feel. It is good to have a soft, sweet baby to lick your tears away.
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Old 11-23-2012, 11:26 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Abby, I'm so sorry you had a hard day yesterday People handle grief in different ways, but your feelings and your dad's are very normal. I love Sandi's idea of you and your dad doing some reaching out work. When I've been at my most sad and depressed, helping others is one of the only things that helps.

Big hugs,
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Old 11-23-2012, 12:39 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Holidays can be very difficult. I agree getting out of the house, or starting a new tradition helping out or being with friends can be helpful. I sorry that you are feeling such pain. take care
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Old 11-23-2012, 01:06 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I'm so sorry and I understand. We lost my youngest brother and my father-in-law (who was like a daddy to me) within a week of each other right before the holidays started 6 years ago and the holidays haven't been the same since. I don't have them as often as I did at first anymore, but I do still have some really sad times. I've got tears in my eyes now as I type this. I loved those two men so much!! My brother was my baby, even at 34 years old. There were 9 years between us and I always felt like a mama to him. My FIL was my "daddy" for about 25 years and even though he had 4 kids, he always treated me like one of them. My mother's health is not good now and I don't know if we will have her around for any more holidays after this year. So no, I don't think you're crazy one bit! I wish I could give you a big hug and we could cry our eyes out together!


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Old 11-23-2012, 04:33 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Thank you, my friends, for the very sweet words. I really did feel like there was something wrong with me yesterday because the tears would just not stop. I cried myself to sleep last night. You are right in saying that I should spend time that day outside the home doing for others. There are a large number of soup kitchens that I should be helping out at. There's always someone in need if we just open out hearts and our eyes. Please pray for my Dad. He and my Mother were together almost 60 years and he acts like that part of his life died with her. He does, however, have a little fluff--a Pom, that keeps him hopping. Little Bit is very demanding and when he wants something, he wants it NOW!! Daddy takes him for a ride EVERY day-thus getting out and around. He comes by my office daily for a little while until Little Bit says it is time to go..
I have decided that I am going to talk to him about Christmas and tell him how I feel. Hopefully he will listen with his heart instead of his hurt.
Thank you again for being there..it's amazing how good it felt just to put into words how I felt yesterday and know that I wasn't going to be judged or put down. Friends are life's greatest blessing--after out fluff babies. Love and hugs to all..Abby
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