# Maybe it's time.



## TB.TL (Oct 13, 2010)

delete


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## heartmadeforyou (May 16, 2009)

Oh, Rebecca, I'm sorry you feel this way. But, I do understand in light of some of the discussions going on right now. I hope you can stop in and say, "Hi" and tell us how you and your babies are doing. Hugs!


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## Tina (Aug 6, 2006)

Don't give up yet. Honesty is a breathe of fresh air. People are who they are and you aren't going to change them. You have contributions yet to be made. Don't get chased off.


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## nekkidfish (Aug 25, 2009)

Tina said:


> Don't give up yet. Honesty is a breathe of fresh air. People are who they are and you aren't going to change them. You have contributions yet to be made. Don't get chased off.


:goodpost::goodpost:


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## malteseboy22 (May 25, 2010)

Listen up hear, why do you want to give in to the meanies. :brownbag: Why don't they just keep a bag over your head and say nothing. What and give them what they want......NO:hysteric:

Your fluffs are so darn cute I will miss there cute faces.:tender:

Give it time I am new too, but everyone is allowed an opinion its not always right or wrong. I believe there is always two answers to one question. Is it heads or tails??

Please don't go, I would love you to stay but I will not be happy that you left just because of a chosen few that ruin it for others.:crying 2:

Take care Lynda and the Max


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## malteseboy22 (May 25, 2010)

nekkidfish said:


> :goodpost::goodpost:


 
YES VERY GOOD POST:aktion033:


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## Cosy (Feb 9, 2006)

Please don't go. Our differences sometimes get the better of us but overall it's a good group. Give it a go a bit longer.


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## missiek (Jan 2, 2010)

Rebecca! Don't go girl! I ahve had a hard road here too and quit coming on here for awhile, but I came back and I am telling you I had a lot of friends that I didn't know I had before.

There are a lot more good people on this board than negative ones! 

Besides, I wanted to see that crazy Christmas pic your Mom wants to do!!!


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## Orla (Jul 5, 2009)

Don't leave!

My first post here back in mid 2009 - I was judged - I was hurt by it but hey, look at me now! I post a lot!


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## Hunter's Mom (Dec 8, 2008)

Differences between friends can happen bot in person and in forums. That being said, the best thing to do is not to jump into controversial topics if you are not comfortable doing so and if you are then be prepared for what may come. I have been here for 3 years and still consider myself a newbie but I have made some good friends here and have found a lot of support and encouragement from all. Leaving is your choice but I would encourage you to stay.


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## The A Team (Dec 1, 2005)

This forum can be a lot of fun. But then sometimes it goes off the deep end, in my opinion. Personally, I'm just here for fun and friendship. A few months ago it was horrible around here:angry:, then it came back strong.....back and forth....because I feel we're slipping again into butting heads here and there .

When too many personalities get together, there's bound to be disagreements. For me there's a breaking point and if I'm offended I want to leave here for good, but there are too many friends here to leave.:w00t:

I'm thinking I'll just stick to the fun threads and skip the controversial ones.

You really should stick around, it's not always as bad as you think it is right now. Or at least come back periodically and join in the "fun" stuff.


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## heartmadeforyou (May 16, 2009)

Hunter's Mom said:


> Differences between friends can happen bot in person and in forums. That being said, the best thing to do is not to jump into controversial topics if you are not comfortable doing so and if you are then be prepared for what may come. I have been here for 3 years and still consider myself a newbie but I have made some good friends here and have found a lot of support and encouragement from all. Leaving is your choice but I would encourage you to stay.


Very sound advice. This is the first forum I have stayed with and its all because of Bogie. I do really hope you stay, but I wanted to make sure you understand that I can see why you want to leave.

That being said, it can be hard to avoid the controversial topics when you don't even know what they are yet. It never hurts to search the forum and read prior posts to get a feel for it especially before starting a thread. This is one reason why I don't like posts to be deleted. Life isn't like that. You can't really unsay something once it is said. If we all remember that, we might do a better job of editing ourselves before hitting the Submit Reply button. It's too easy to get sloppy in our treatment of each other if we know we can just erase our written words. There is nothing wrong with writing a retraction or further explaining our view instead of deleting.

I sincerely believe that the people on this forum are here because they love their dogs and want to share knowledge. We don't always agree. But... we need to be extra careful to keep each other's feelings in mind. A real person with real feelings is at the other end. This is exactly why I traveled to Nationals last year. To make sure I could make that connection rock solid in my mind. 

Being respectful to each other doesn't mean that we can't have these tough discussions, just that we need to keep the Golden Rule in mind while we do. Ladies, please, please, please, before posting, just ask yourself, "What Would Malts Do?"


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## lori (Jul 8, 2008)

I know how you feel Rebecca. Believe me, I do. One thing is for sure. You really need to have a thick skin around here. Please don't let a few people ruin it for you. Treat SM like a cafeteria. Take what's good for YOU and leave the rest alone. I sincerely hope you stay.


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## jpupart (Jul 19, 2010)

Please reconsider and do not leave. I don't like conflict or sniping behavior,either. But, there are a lot of very good people on this forum,too. Just try to ignore the offensive comments- or just read the fun threads!! People say things in the heat of the moment that I'm sure they later regret. I wish some members were not so quick to "jump" on others. We've had a few threads like this on the Havanese Forum which have caused hurt feelings and has caused members to resign.Some come back- some do not. Why don't you stay a little longer and see what happens?


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## TB.TL (Oct 13, 2010)

delete


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## beckinwolf (Sep 2, 2008)

What I've learned in the past few years, is that to belong to a forum, you have to have a thick skin. There are people on this board from all over the world. We are like a big huge family. Sometimes we fight, and then later, we make up. In the process, people get hurt, but some other times, people grow closer together because of it. Stick around and see what happens now and then. Sometimes we all pull together to support each other. When people jump down your throat, its not personal. A lot of times, they forget about the people behind the pups, and only have the pups in mind. It's like this on any forum. Newbies always have a hard time of it, escpecially if they are defensive or especially sensitive. Please stick around. Post lots of cute pictures of your puppies. People are probably less likely to criticize if they can relate to your pups by seeing them a lot. That's just my forum advice


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

Hunter's Mom said:


> Differences between friends can happen both in person and in forums. That being said, the best thing to do is not to jump into controversial topics if you are not comfortable doing so and if you are then be prepared for what may come. I have been here for 3 years and still consider myself a newbie but I have made some good friends here and have found a lot of support and encouragement from all. Leaving is your choice but I would encourage you to stay.


Well said Erin. Rebecca - I hope that you don't decide to leave. I sometimes think of SM as a family. A big, dysfunctional family, just like most families are. Like a family, there's a vast array of people and opinions, a vast degree of knowledge and a lot of personalities who express themselves in different ways. I know people who have families like this and say, "I haven't spoken to so and so in years" and never talk to that family member again. I try to figure out the best way to keep my family together and know whom I listen to, whom I shouldn't and whom I would trust my life to. I try not to let the other stuff get to me. It just isn't worth getting into an argument with the cousin who always thinks she's right...too much energy wasted. So that's SM to me. One big, happy, dysfunctional family that I love and know I can come to for help.

I'm a new Maltese owner, only a year, and I do listen to the opinions here. I listen to them and then decide what's right for me. You said how much you trust your vet who has been doing it for 20 years. Then my feeling is why ask vaccine questions here? You answered this yourself -- you are listening to her and have utmost faith in her. That's terrific. I trust my vet, but know that sometimes vets mainly treat bigger dogs and Maltese have certain issues. So I look for more input here. For vaccines she splits the time between every vaccine by a few weeks for me (her idea as well as here) and only charges for the shot not office time.So it was advice I got her agreeing with her. That's what guides me. And here's part of why I do that. When my DS was diagnosed with a life threatening ailment, his pediatricians who had been in practice for 20 years, prescribed an adult dose of medication and didn't inform me of when to use it correctly. He had another episode two weeks later and almost died again. I found a specialist, then joined a non-profit informational group and a support group. Those moms and dads knew SO MUCH MORE than the medical community it could make your head spin. So I blend the two. We still go to doctors but I've also learned many great tips from parents that have helped my DS thrive.

I've made good friends here on SM (as you can tell by my lunch with Tammy)and I treasure their support, friendship, laughter and advice. We don't live in an ideal world, especially one in which everyone agrees or is even nice about it. I think we all need to learn how to navigate the best road for ourselves. I agree that there have been times when people jump down people's throats and that isn't the way to educate anyone but I think most people do that out of passion for dogs and hatred of puppy mills more than to make someone feel bad. I often don't like the tone of things and say so, other times I just don't get involved.

We all have to make our own choices in life and a forum in one. I hope you, your wife and two little ones will stay with us but if you choose not to do so, I wish you nothing but health and happiness.


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## The A Team (Dec 1, 2005)

Thanks, Sue...I needed that pep talk too..... 



Snowbody said:


> Well said Erin. Rebecca - I hope that you don't decide to leave. I sometimes think of SM as a family. A big, dysfunctional family, just like most families are. Like a family, there's a vast array of people and opinions, a vast degree of knowledge and a lot of personalities who express themselves in different ways. I know people who have families like this and say, "I haven't spoken to so and so in years" and never talk to that family member again. I try to figure out the best way to keep my family together and know whom I listen to, whom I shouldn't and whom I would trust my life to. I try not to let the other stuff get to me. It just isn't worth getting into an argument with the cousin who always thinks she's right...too much energy wasted. So that's SM to me. One big, happy, dysfunctional family that I love and know I can come to for help.
> 
> I'm a new Maltese owner, only a year, and I do listen to the opinions here. I listen to them and then decide what's right for me. You said how much you trust your vet who has been doing it for 20 years. Then my feeling is why ask vaccine questions here? You answered this yourself -- you are listening to her and have utmost faith in her. That's terrific. I trust my vet, but know that sometimes vets mainly treat bigger dogs and Maltese have certain issues. So I look for more input here. For vaccines she splits the time between every vaccine by a few weeks for me (her idea as well as here) and only charges for the shot not office time.So it was advice I got her agreeing with her. That's what guides me. And here's part of why I do that. When my DS was diagnosed with a life threatening ailment, his pediatricians who had been in practice for 20 years, prescribed an adult dose of medication and didn't inform me of when to use it correctly. He had another episode two weeks later and almost died again. I found a specialist, then joined a non-profit informational group and a support group. Those moms and dads knew SO MUCH MORE than the medical community it could make your head spin. So I blend the two. We still go to doctors but I've also learned many great tips from parents that have helped my DS thrive.
> 
> ...


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

When I first joined I described my last two as rescues. I felt they were rescues since I rescued them from a date w/ the needle. The latest owner was going to have them euthanized since she didn't want them any more and they had bad teeth...her fault,never took them to the vet...

I said my one male wasn't neutered and I got jumped on for having an intact male,they asked how could I get a male from rescue and it not be neutered. Plus I got the breeding lecture,when I had no intention of studding him.

I should have called them adoptees...did I know that ...no. Was I upset at such a reaction,being new....yes... I was.
Every forum I've ever been on,or discussion group is the same, you have people who forget to look at the newbie destinction and temper their responses w/ a little kindness.

I stayed because more wonderful people than nasty ones made me feel like it was worth it to stay.
I learn something new all the time and find new products and once in a while to my surprise I actually have something to share that benefits someone else.

Sometimes I think of forums,like an army unit,even if you're new,seems like you gotta hit the ground running,not much of a learning curve. But when you join ,you soon find out why, people on this board,love fluffs and see the pain,devistastation of irrisponsible breeding and forget, they too were in the same spot we were at one time too.


Abused,neglected,abandonned ,injured dogs all bring out a passion in folks..sometimes they forget ,in their zeal about fluffs,they forget about compassion for others...

Kinda like a church,you're all there for one purpose,but not everyone will like each other,but if you get sick, people tend to put that aside when your name ends up on a prayer chain.

We've had people sign up on the forum under 2 or 3 different identities and make up wild stories for attention,get folks upset worrying about some nonexistant fluff and find out it was just that person's weird fantasy,so people do get a little synical and wrongly assume some odd looking post could be another "troll".

As for the rabies at 4 months ,that discussion has come up before,strong opinions abide still. If it's the law and your vet recommends it,it's a tough call. But no one has the right to criticize you on it.

A vet can make mistakes,they can miss things and some,a very few,can just be money grubbing scum bags. 
But I think most are pretty honest and compassionate. That's hard for me to say since I lost my Buffy to a money grubbing vet.

Hugs


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## maltlovereileen (Jan 19, 2009)

??? This over the vaccinations thread?

One thing you will discover is that in the world of passionate dog lovers there are a few topics that will generate definite discussion *sometimes even heated* ... vaccinations may be one of these areas, backyard breeding another, even the kind of FOOD you feed your dog, etc etc

The best thing to do is not take comments personally - realize that people who bother to post on forums such as these are very dog loving and very passionate about their little 'furkids' - and then read, read, read and google, google, google and ask your vet. Then make up your own mind.

I don't think telling people they are judgmental because they have a very strong opinion on a certain topic is going to change things around here... and please also remember that you lose tone and other things in the written word...what may sound judgmental is probably just someone who is trying to tell you they feel very strongly about something and want you to think strongly about their words. Of course, you don't have to agree, but they just want to underscore their thoughts and maybe aren't as graceful with their typed words as would be ideal. I know it's happened to me online and I'm a very happy nonjudgmental person in real life.

My advice, stay if you think it's best, leave if you think it's best but whatever you do take life a bit more lightly...especially online...it's a lot more enjoyable that way


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

True things sometime look really callous and cold in type,since you can't see the face and emotions behind it.
10 people can read one thing and interpret it in totally different ways...


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## MaryH (Mar 7, 2006)

TB.TL said:


> I'm going to use the last vaccination post as an example. My pups are nearly 16 weeks and it has been three weeks since their second vaccination. The county I live in requires dogs have their rabies vaccination by 4 months for their license, which is required by law. I innocently post the my pups are getting their last vaccination and rabies today and instead of offering me a different perspective and trying to guide me, people were criticizing and acting like it was simply unheard of. You know what? This is what MY vet recommended. She's owned this clinic for over twenty years, she is incredibly smart and gifted with animals, and as far as I know, this is what she wants to happen today. People say, well, so and so is a vet tech, you should value her opinion for free, cancel your appointment and just do what so and so poster is telling you, without asking questions. OK, well is nice and good but my vet is a VET. She owns her own clinic and has for years and I know for a fact graduated from the best vet program in the state. So I should just disregard her opinion because some person on a board tells me their own opinion is better??


I read through your post and don't have time to respond other than to say I've been on this board for a while and, because of time constraints, I really do pick and choose what I read and respond to. I generally don't post in welcome threads, don't comment on photos, don't read the jokes, etc. It's nothing personal, just all about time. Heck, I haven't even said "nice pics" personally or privately to Carina (CloudClan) about the pics she recently posted and she and I have been friends for years, way long before there even was an SM.

About vaccinations - Yes, many of us have opinions, mild to strong. In the end, you are the one who has to weigh all the info you've received and make a decision. I live in MA and we have until 6 mos. of age to get a rabies vaccination. I do not combine any two treatments (DHPP vaccination, Rabies vaccination, flea/tick treatment, heartworm treatment) on my puppies ever. But that's me. Does my vet agree with me? No. And he, too, has owned his own practice for years AND is a breeder of another toy breed. Do I trust him? Of course I do. But in the end I have done my research, given consideration to all the info I've gathered, and made my decision. What's right for me may not be right for you or for someone else, including my or your vet.

And now here's what I would do if I were in your situation ... I'd give the rabies vaccination today if I really felt that the authorities were going to be knocking at my door, wait a week and then give the last puppy shot. My research tells me that the last puppy shot should be given at or after 16 wks. If I felt that the authorities were not going to be knocking on my door, I would give the last puppy shot today and wait a week, preferably two and then give the Rabies vaccination. This is what I would do. I am not telling you or anyone else that this is what you should do. I'm offering this as food for thought.


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## Dogwriter (Jul 3, 2010)

Exactly, Michelle....

And Miki said: _You can't really unsay something once it is said.

_Amen to that! Not toward the OP, but I think we all could use a dose of that advice.

Rebecca, sometimes people get on forums, stay a short while, then complain that they've been criticized to get attention...everyone begs them to stay, and they do....until the next time, when they need attention again. I hope you're not one of those, because I like you and I like your posts. Hopefully, you'll decide to stay.

I'm new here too. At first I felt like nobody liked me, because it seemed they ignored everything I said. I'm opinionated, so I say a lot. B) I also have a lot of knowledge, as I have written for a major player in the pet industry...plus I've worked in rescue for years and years. People bring me the "hopeless, unrehabilatable" cases (sorry I know I spelled that wrong)....and I rehabilitate them. But no one here knows that; here I'm just a new malt owner with a bunch of mundane stupid questions. So I have to accept that.

In a sense, we have to earn our place here....but unless you lay open your entire life on the board, nobody here knows you. So the criticism should not hurt. It's just one person's opinion, and they only know a tiny slice of your life, _if they've bothered to learn anything at all about you_. Sometimes it's better to ignore it and move on.


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## Starsmom (Jan 31, 2009)

So I guess I'm one of the meanies...so be it. When a question is asked and answered, asked again, answered again, and asked AGAIN one wonders what is being missed. 

I'm not judgemental, I am a no frills, don't sugar coat there you are person. For some it's rude, opinionated, or any other adjective one cares to pin on it. Frankly I don't care! I came here to learn and contribute to the Maltese world. Period. If anyone doesn't want to take any advice given that's OK. I really hate to read fluffs are sick. I've been there with two and it sucks! So if I can facilitate someone from making a mistake I will. 

Since I've been here at SM I've had some lovely PM's, been ignored on the board, and verbally spanked, but I'm still here. I've PM'd others who have disappeared and quietly asked them to come back. Some have, some not. This is a forum - a place for people to gather and exchange ideas, and opinions. It's give and take.


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## suzimalteselover (Mar 27, 2006)

michellerobison said:


> True things sometime look really callous and cold in type,since you can't see the face and emotions behind it.
> 10 people can read one thing and interpret it in totally different ways...


This is so true. 

Recently, a new member THOUGHT that I was attacking her, when I was actually AGREEING with her post. So, I apologized on open forum to her to set things straight. It was also the right thing to do, since, I had hurt her feelings.....even though I did not mean to whatsoever in my original post to her. It was a little frustrating to me. Unfortunately, now, I no longer want to give advice or help a new member. Because, now, I'm worried my words will be twisted around.  So, it does work both ways. 


MaryH said:


> I read through your post and don't have time to respond other than to say I've been on this board for a while and, because of time constraints, I really do pick and choose what I read and respond to. I generally don't post in welcome threads, don't comment on photos, don't read the jokes, etc. It's nothing personal, just all about time. Heck, I haven't even said "nice pics" personally or privately to Carina (CloudClan) about the pics she recently posted and she and I have been friends for years, way long before there even was an SM.
> 
> About vaccinations - Yes, many of us have opinions, mild to strong. In the end, you are the one who has to weigh all the info you've received and make a decision. I live in MA and we have until 6 mos. of age to get a rabies vaccination. I do not combine any two treatments (DHPP vaccination, Rabies vaccination, flea/tick treatment, heartworm treatment) on my puppies ever. But that's me. Does my vet agree with me? No. And he, too, has owned his own practice for years AND is a breeder of another toy breed. Do I trust him? Of course I do. But in the end I have done my research, given consideration to all the info I've gathered, and made my decision. What's right for me may not be right for you or for someone else, including my or your vet.
> 
> And now here's what I would do if I were in your situation ... I'd give the rabies vaccination today if I really felt that the authorities were going to be knocking at my door, wait a week and then give the last puppy shot. My research tells me that the last puppy shot should be given at or after 16 wks. If I felt that the authorities were not be knocking on my door, I would give the last puppy shot today and wait a week, preferably two and then give the Rabies vaccination. This is what I would do. I am not telling you or anyone else that this is what you should do. I'm offering this as food for thought.


This is an excellent post! :aktion033: This is the protocol my vet follows with all toy breeds. Josey's breeder gave me this advice. So, I explained to my vet what I wanted to do as far as splitting up the vaccines. He agreed. He graduated from Cornell University. I love him, and we've been on the same page about everything. Josey's breeder also told me not to do the lepto, lymes, nor bordatella vaccine. Again, my vet agreed. I took Josey to a puppy class, so, the bordatella was required. She had a bad reaction from the bordatella and got sick. I encourage everyone to research and do the titer testing for their adult dogs, after one years of age. In the end, the decision is yours about the vaccines. You have to be the one that is happy with your decision at the end of the day, not us.


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## silverhaven (Sep 6, 2009)

I agree it can be hard on here at times. It can be wonderful too. You will make your own decision to leave or stay, and I understand how you feel. People can be pretty passionate about our Malts and our people. 

As far a Malt health and training issues are concerned. I do listen a lot of what people have said on here. I have used that info. given then gone ahead and done some of my own research on top of that. There really is a wealth of information on here pertaining to the maltese. I really liked my Vet in Ottawa and have used her for years, she was happy to hear some of the suggestions I have learned on here. Or been pointed to from here. She totally agreed with the vaccination protocol. So that wasn't an issue. Diet was a little bit more of a discussion


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## allheart (Oct 3, 2008)

Oh please don't feel that way at all. Oh I've seen hard days here and wonderful days here, some people are just express them more passionate when writing then others.

I stay here for my babies, to lean and gain knowledge and never dreaming that I would be so blessed to make such wonderful connections as I have.

Please stay, it's so worth it.

What many of you don't know, is Marsha (StarsMom) has been a godsend to me as it realtes to my MIL. Sorry Marsha, hope I am not embarssing you. By the way, my MIL LOVES her new shoes. I got her to different types, the ones with velcor and ones without. She loves them and is so much safer for her walking around the house

So, see, they may be some really hard days here, but more than not, there are incredible days here and a owe a great deal to SM.

So please, hang in there.

Marsha: Thank you so much for everything you have privately willing helped with me my MIL, your a softee you .

We are a family here. Just like in any family that truly cares for each other you will have differences of opinion, but there is always that same bottom commen denomator, the deep love we have for our fluffs.

Love to all,
Christine


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## CloudClan (Jan 31, 2007)

TB.TL said:


> But... it's getting so that it is giving me a headache. Although others have backed this sentiment up in different ways, *I do feel like I am one of the few that is constantly bringing it up*; seeing as how I am still fairly new here, I am thinking that maybe I should just pack up and head on out instead of trying to change how things may have always been done. I am talking, of course, about how judgmental and critical people tend to be and very quickly at that. While many people have been wonderful and welcoming, there have plenty who are not quite as welcoming and it's getting old. *When I found this website, I thought it would be many people like me but it is not.* I don't remember who said it but someone was saying how we aren't all professional pup moms who know about breeders and showing and standards and rescues. Some of us are just starting out. *And it's a shame that instead of educating and encouraging us, people are just being very judgmental and critical and condescending, constantly*.


I have noticed your posts referring to this often and I have to admit it has bothered me. Yes, sometimes someone does go over the top with an opinion. Sometimes we have arguments. Sometimes people sound rude or harsh without meaning to (and sometimes they even mean to). But it does seem to me that you have focused heavily on a dark side and while you talk about the wonderful people here, I do think that you seem to view this forum and the people here as mean and judgemental and I see some hypocracy in that, because it is a fairly "judgemental" view of things here. 

To mirror your statement above, I do feel that the people on this forum, as a whole, are people like me. They have many facets. They have good days and they have bad. Most importantly what we share in common is that they are passionate lovers of Maltese dogs. They want to share the knowledge they have because they love their dogs and they care about mine and yours as well. 

I personally do not spend a lot of time focusing on the negative here. If I did, I would not enjoy it much either. I come here because the vast majority of the people here are WONDERFUL. I have dear friends here some of whom I have now known for over a decade (from this forum and others) others who are newer in my life but not less valued for the friendship that they have shown me. 

I am sure I do not say often enough how much I appreciate them and what they give to me and to my dogs. :Flowers 2:

I know everyone is trying to talk you into staying. I am not going to do that. I figure that you have to make your own "judgement" and decide for yourself if we are worthy of your company. 



lori said:


> Treat SM like a cafeteria. Take what's good for YOU and leave the rest alone.


Lori, yes that à la carte approach works well most days, doesn't it? :innocent:


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## TB.TL (Oct 13, 2010)

delete


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## TB.TL (Oct 13, 2010)

delete


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## bellaratamaltese (May 24, 2006)

I'm sorry if you were made to feel like you were being attacked when you posted about a vaccination protocol the majority of us avoid like the plague. I saw it as people trying to help you. Did you ask for help? No but how would we all feel if you got back and had had vaccinations and rabies done in the same day and your babies were suffering a major reaction and we had said NOTHING? How would we have felt? Guilty, is what, for not sharing our knowledge.

Do do what you feel you need to do. I'm sure not going to beg you to stay.


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## TB.TL (Oct 13, 2010)

delete


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## maltlovereileen (Jan 19, 2009)

... deleted


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## Nikki's Mom (Feb 13, 2008)

There are some very nasty and judgmental people here who feel they have to control this forum via belittling others. Then there are those many sweet folks who are a joy to be around. I understand your frustration. I hope that you and others like you don't leave. We need to keep the balance here on the side of kindness.


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## aprilb (Jul 9, 2010)

The A Team said:


> This forum can be a lot of fun. But then sometimes it goes off the deep end, in my opinion. Personally, I'm just here for fun and friendship. A few months ago it was horrible around here:angry:, then it came back strong.....back and forth....because I feel we're slipping again into butting heads here and there .
> 
> When too many personalities get together, there's bound to be disagreements. For me there's a breaking point and if I'm offended I want to leave here for good, but there are too many friends here to leave.:w00t:
> 
> ...


:goodpost:


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## Nikki's Mom (Feb 13, 2008)

I don't think that people should avoid controversial topics, but I am old enough to remember how people used to act, and I think that our culture has lost the art of true conversation. I think the problem is the same as it is in real life. Somehow, we've been misguided into thinking that if a person disagrees with another, then there either must be something wrong with that person, or they are lying, instead of looking at the ISSUE. Just look at TV talk shows. Instead of a calm, interesting discussion, people YELL at each other and attack each others character instead of actually discussing the ISSUES in a calm, respectful manner. 

If someone disagrees, why not ask "Why do you think that? How did you come to those conclusions?" instead of attacking _them_ for what they _think, or attacking the information they provide - _instead of discussing it? Discuss to either a mutual agreement, or a respectful "agree to disagree._" _Forums are often used as places to debate instead of discuss, and "lord it over others." How do we learn if we surround ourselves with people who all agree with us? Members are sometimes personally attacked for having a difference of opinion, or the information they post is ridiculed without any discussion at all. If you feel strongly against an issue, why not respectfully disagree without personal attacks?

Some folks just have to be right all the time, and demand that what they say/think/post is the only way to do things, and anyone who doesn't agree is ridiculed. So very sad. I've seen it happen too many times on forums, and the fear factor grows very strong. The nice folks, one by one, drop away, while the bullies stick around. Don't let that happen here.


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

Nikki's Mom said:


> I don't think that people should avoid controversial topics, but I am old enough to remember how people used to act, and I think that our culture has lost the art of true conversation. I think the problem is the same as it is in real life. Somehow, we've been misguided into thinking that if a person disagrees with another, then there either must be something wrong with that person, or they are lying, instead of looking at the ISSUE. Just look at TV talk shows. Instead of a calm, interesting discussion, people YELL at each other and attack each others character instead of actually discussing the ISSUES in a calm, respectful manner.
> 
> If someone disagrees, why not ask "Why do you think that? How did you come to those conclusions?" instead of attacking _them_ for what they _think, or attacking the information they provide - _instead of discussing it? Discuss to either a mutual agreement, or a respectful "agree to disagree._" _Forums are often used as places to debate instead of discuss, and "lord it over others." How do we learn if we surround ourselves with people who all agree with us? Members are sometimes personally attacked for having a difference of opinion, or the information they post is ridiculed without any discussion at all. If you feel strongly against an issue, why not respectfully disagree without personal attacks?
> 
> Some folks just have to be right all the time, and demand that what they say/think/post is the only way to do things, and anyone who doesn't agree is ridiculed. So very sad. I've seen it happen too many times on forums, and the fear factor grows very strong. The nice folks, one by one, drop away, while the bullies stick around. Don't let that happen here.


:goodpost:


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## k/c mom (Oct 9, 2004)

bellaratamaltese said:


> I'm sorry if you were made to feel like you were being attacked when you posted about a vaccination protocol the majority of us avoid like the plague. I saw it as people trying to help you. Did you ask for help? No but how would we all feel if you got back and had had vaccinations and rabies done in the same day and your babies were suffering a major reaction and we had said NOTHING? How would we have felt? Guilty, is what, for not sharing our knowledge.
> 
> Do do what you feel you need to do. I'm sure not going to beg you to stay.


 
:goodpost:


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## mom2bijou (Oct 19, 2006)

I'm sorry your experience on SM hasn't been a positive one. I generally don't speak up many topics other than posting pictures of Benny and Emma. Do I read most of the topics good and bad posted on SM? Yes for the most part. But I don't always express my opinion b/c I just don't don't feel the need to. Is everyone entitled to post their opinion. Absolutely. But my personality type has always been to stay in the background, not to take sides and just enjoy my surroundings. But that's just me. A forum brings together all kinds of personality types and that's what makes it unique. I love SM. I LOVE the friends I have made. The information I have learned regarding nutrition, training, grooming, health etc would never have happened if I didn't stay an active member of SM. So for what it's worth stay for those reasons. Despite all the disagreements people have, and those happen in every aspect of life whether at home, work, or social clubs, there's always so much to learn.


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

I thought I had posted this but it didn't come up, so will try again.
There is nothing I can add to what has already been said.
I think it was Will Rogers or Mark Twain that said "I have never learned anything while I was talking." So maybe being a lurker isn't all bad.:HistericalSmiley::HistericalSmiley:


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## godiva goddess (Nov 19, 2007)

To the OP: sometimes forums become overwhelming. it happens everywhere. take a break if need be, but it would be a shame to leave SM! hope you stay 



edelweiss said:


> I think it was Will Rogers or Mark Twain that said "I have never learned anything while I was talking." So maybe being a lurker isn't all bad.:HistericalSmiley::HistericalSmiley:


gosh, LOL!!!!!! :HistericalSmiley::HistericalSmiley::thumbsup::thumbsup::HistericalSmiley::HistericalSmiley:


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## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

Nikki's Mom said:


> I don't think that people should avoid controversial topics, but I am old enough to remember how people used to act, and I think that our culture has lost the art of true conversation. I think the problem is the same as it is in real life. Somehow, we've been misguided into thinking that if a person disagrees with another, then there either must be something wrong with that person, or they are lying, instead of looking at the ISSUE. Just look at TV talk shows. Instead of a calm, interesting discussion, people YELL at each other and attack each others character instead of actually discussing the ISSUES in a calm, respectful manner.
> 
> If someone disagrees, why not ask "Why do you think that? How did you come to those conclusions?" instead of attacking _them_ for what they _think, or attacking the information they provide - _instead of discussing it? Discuss to either a mutual agreement, or a respectful "agree to disagree._" _Forums are often used as places to debate instead of discuss, and "lord it over others." How do we learn if we surround ourselves with people who all agree with us? Members are sometimes personally attacked for having a difference of opinion, or the information they post is ridiculed without any discussion at all. If you feel strongly against an issue, why not respectfully disagree without personal attacks?
> 
> Some folks just have to be right all the time, and demand that what they say/think/post is the only way to do things, and anyone who doesn't agree is ridiculed. So very sad. I've seen it happen too many times on forums, and the fear factor grows very strong. The nice folks, one by one, drop away, while the bullies stick around. Don't let that happen here.


:goodpost:



mom2bijou said:


> I'm sorry your experience on SM hasn't been a positive one. I generally don't speak up many topics other than posting pictures of Benny and Emma. Do I read most of the topics good and bad posted on SM? Yes for the most part. But I don't always express my opinion b/c I just don't don't feel the need to. Is everyone entitled to post their opinion. Absolutely. But my personality type has always been to stay in the background, not to take sides and just enjoy my surroundings. But that's just me. A forum brings together all kinds of personality types and that's what makes it unique. I love SM. I LOVE the friends I have made. The information I have learned regarding nutrition, training, grooming, health etc would never have happened if I didn't stay an active member of SM. So for what it's worth stay for those reasons. Despite all the disagreements people have, and those happen in every aspect of life whether at home, work, or social clubs, there's always so much to learn.


:goodpost:


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## maltlovereileen (Jan 19, 2009)

I edited my comment out and now am putting something like it back in because these threads...well...

Nothing in this life is black and white all the time... but for the most part, IMHO, a person will get out of life what they put into life. I'll leave it at that.


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## mfa (Oct 5, 2009)

thank you for sharing your thoughts. 
:grouphug:


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## TB.TL (Oct 13, 2010)

delete


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## godiva goddess (Nov 19, 2007)

TB.TL said:


> The posts are getting muddled... I cannot tell when people are referring to me or to others and exactly what posts are being referred to but I am picking up some passive-aggressive comments on certain things and want to formally introduce who I am.
> 
> I believe in being nice. That's the biggest thing. I don't believe in being rude or harsh or critical. I believe in sharing information and educating. I also believe in certain things I believe in (wow, that made no sense!) and I will stand up for those things, although it makes me nervous to do so because I am very non-confrontational. I believe in being kind, I have a soft heart, I give people the benefit of a doubt. It makes me sad and mad when people do not treat other's that way. I am all for varying opinions, I am 100% for debate and discussion and hot conversation. I am incredibly open-minded and liberal. I am sensitive. I am not stupid. I am in a medical field on a scholarship and made the President's List last semester (4.0 GPA). I love to research and learn. I am very laid back and I have a happy and fulfilling life. I stay away from drama at all costs, I dislike immaturity and unnecessarily stressful things. I am a rule-follower, almost to a fault. Ask my mom because I've always, always been that way.
> 
> ...


Please stay on SM if you enjoy it here. As much as we would like- we can not make others behave or "be nice" to us. People will always do what they want to do....Being on an internet forum is not easy- I have been flamed here a couple of times! (LOL!) But I still feel the love :blush:

You just have to grow a thicker skin and let things roll of your shoulders! Stick to those on here with whom you relate and like..and ignore the rest :thumbsup: ((HUGS))

see ya around


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## maltlovereileen (Jan 19, 2009)

Suggestion : why not leave all this analyizing and whatever behind and just start fresh and happy if you are going to stay...it's a nice play to stay, so I recommend it!  IMHO, the best thing to do when interacting on an online forum that you have no control over who is posting is just *ignore* those posts/posters you don't like and respond to the ones you do. Otherwise, you just become part of the problem


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