# Have to Vent - I am so Frustrated!!!



## dntdelay (May 27, 2011)

Many of you are Facebook friends with me so you have probably read my problem, but for those of you who are not. Let me tell you what happened. 

My sister Donna and her boyfriend Reini came from Texas for Christmas and we had a great time, except the 2 times my sister stated something about killing my dog Jasmine. Even though it may have been said as a joke from my sister it really ticked me off and it made me sad. The first time they just got here and she asked Siri "How do you kill a Dog?" I didn't get mad, but I did ask Siri "How do you kill a sister?" The funny thing is that my sister got mad at me!!! :angry: The second time was when they were about to leave and I jokingly said "Would you want to take Jasmine for a while?" And my sister said "Yes I will take her and throw her in the Mississippi River. :angry: 

Well that really ticked me off and I told her that was rude and she said something like Jasmine is a dog and you should treat her like a dog. I said something like how would you treat her? Donna said that if she would have a dog she would feed it, and take care of it, but she wouldn't carry it, buy a stroller or play pen, and she wouldn't baby it. :angry::angry::angry:

That really ticked me off, but I did not say anything to her, because my sister does not like anybody else's opinion but her own and if you disagree with her there is not stopping her from trying to change your mind. I wrote on Facebook how I loved that she was here, but if she can't say anything nice about Jasmine then don't say anything nice at all, and well some interesting things were said.

The funny thing is I think a dog is the first step in thinking of having a child. Why? Well with Dogs you have to: Feed, play, train, and keep it healthy.
With children you have to do the same thing, plus a lot more. If my sister cannot stand a dog (who likes to Bark a lot) how can she stand a child?


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

Time to ask her to go home! Sorry but what she said wasn't funny... Not in the least, considering how much you love your fluff...
Seriously, it's exactly why I don't invite my father over for any holidays, he tried to hit my dogs last time. Every joke has a grain of truth to it.. my father used to joke about it,then one day he tried to hit them and he kicked at them...
Just because you're related doesn't mean you tolerate bad behaviour... holiday or not.

hugs to you!


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## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

This is why I'm so glad that I have SM. I know that the my friends on the forum truly understand my obsession with my fluffs.


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## maltese#1fan (Feb 20, 2012)

I'm just sitting here shaking my head. That was a horrible thing for your sister to say. How can anyone make a joke about hurting anything? Especially when it is something she knows that you love dearly. You have every right to be ticked off at her.


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## dntdelay (May 27, 2011)

I cannot talk to my sister because she does not like anybody's opinion except hers so I didn't say anything until they left today, but then I went on Facebook and posted this: 

My sister Donna DeLay Foley and her boyfriend Reini van Dyk drove from Texas to stay with us for the Holidays. It was awesome having them here; however, when she says mean things about my Dog Jasmine it pisses me off!!!! I LOVE YOU DONNA, but if you can't say anything nice about Jasmine then don't say anything at all.

And the first thing that she said was this: There simply is a difference between a dog and a child. Very mature of you to post this. 

I love my sister but she can't understand other people's opinion and the reason I went on Facebook is that I really wanted to know what other people thought of this situation and for Donna to see how frustrated she made me.


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## hoaloha (Jan 27, 2012)

Audrey, that really sucks  I understand that some people just aren't "dog people" but those people should keep it to themselves. It's about mutual respect. I don't get at people for not loving dogs, but they should be more understanding to those who do--- ESPECIALLY in your OWN home. I get defensive about my pups too because, although they aren't human, they are still FAMILY. ::hugs:: sorry you had to deal with this


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## dntdelay (May 27, 2011)

My sister just texted me and said I was embarrassing myself and her and that this Facebook post is ridiculous and I need to stop it. I told her I am not embarrassing myself and the only person who should be embarrasses is her because of her comments and attitude while she was staying here. I told her that Jasmine is my dog = my kid and if she can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all. She replied and said "in that case I have nothing at all to say". She just doesn't understand how a dog can be like a kid to someone. 

I honestly wonder if she would be a good mom herself. She can't handle a barking dog, and being nice to Jasmine how can she handle a kid? 


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## samanthas004 (Sep 23, 2013)

I can relate to this story as I was once your sister. When my husband and I first got married he owned an American Bulldog. He loved his dog like a child. I could not understand this and said very mean things about about wanting to get rid of his dog (primarily because I looked at him as an inconvenience). I'd never owned a dog myself and could not understand why he was so attached to his. He later had to put his dog down and was all alone when it happened because he didn't feel that anyone cared. I feel horrible about the situation and hate myself for being as insensitive as I was at the time. It makes me cry every time I think about him holding his dog as they he was being out to sleep and not having anyone there for him. 

Being as though I love my Maltese as much as I do my human children, I sincerely regret how I treated my husband and his dog at that time. I've apologized to my husband and wish I could go back and change the way I behaved. It's a horrible feeling to love your animal the way we do and have people attack you because of it. Just the other day one of my sisters asked me if I 'MUST' bring my fluff to every family event. My answer? YES, she's family and she goes where I go! My sister has children and is a great mom but doesn't relate that to the love of a dog. I don't take offense because I was once one of those people. So if you can, let it go. Just realize that some people just won't get it until they experience this love first hand. 


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## eiksaa (Jun 8, 2012)

Your sister was out of line. Dog person or not, she should respect your choices. It's completely disrespectful to joke about something you clearly care a lot about. 

Sorry you had to deal with this, Audrey. So unnecessary and totally avoidable.


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## CloudClan (Jan 31, 2007)

samanthas004 said:


> I can relate to this story as I was once your sister. When my husband and I first got married he owned an American Bulldog. He loved his dog like a child. I could not understand this and said very mean things about about wanting to get rid of his dog (primarily because I looked at him as an inconvenience). I'd never owned a dog myself and could not understand why he was so attached to his. He later had to put his dog down and was all alone when it happened because he didn't feel that anyone cared. I feel horrible about the situation and hate myself for being as insensitive as I was at the time. It makes me cry every time I think about him holding his dog as they he was being out to sleep and not having anyone there for him.
> 
> Being as though I love my Maltese as much as I do my human children, I sincerely regret how I treated my husband and his dog at that time. I've apologized to my husband and wish I could go back and change the way I behaved. It's a horrible feeling to love your animal the way we do and have people attack you because of it. Just the other day one of my sisters asked me if I 'MUST' bring my fluff to every family event. My answer? YES, she's family and she goes where I go! My sister has children and is a great mom but doesn't relate that to the love of a dog. I don't take offense because I was once one of those people. So if you can, let it go. Just realize that some people just won't get it until they experience this love first hand.
> 
> ...


:goodpost:

For me it is my SIL, but also my brother who doesn't get it. My SIL once told my mother and I that we love the dogs more than my brother because we would not kennel them at the last minute when they asked us to (we had not made arrangements ahead of time for a pet sitter because we had not realized it would be necessary and only the night before a visit we were told to leave the dogs at home in a kennel situation) and so we said we would either cancel the visit or have to work around the requirements my SIL was demanding. 

In the end though, I think you have to recognize that while your relationship with your dog is very important to you and there may be some jealousy, it is not necessary to fight about it. Your relationship with your family is also important. You are not going to give up on either. Just set your ground rules and avoid having to get into a confrontation that forces a choice wherever possible.


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## dntdelay (May 27, 2011)

Due to UPS my sister did not get some presents so I have decided to put a letter with the package stating how hurt I was, etc.... And I am going to state that the next time she visits please do not say anything negative about Jasmine. Why? Because from now on I am not going to keep quiet about what she says and then post it on FB and SM when she leaves instead I will say how rude she is and then we will probably have an argument about my opinion.

It is best if she doesn't say anything mean about Jasmine. That way none of this can happen again. 


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## Leila'sMommy (Oct 20, 2012)

I agree that was very rude of your sister to say that, especially in YOUR house. It is very hurtful to say it anywhere, but coming into someone's home and saying it there is even worse. I have been to people's homes where they had a dog that I wasn't particularly fond of. But I kept my opinions to myself. I didn't have to live with the dog and if the owner loved it and was fine living with it, that is their business. However, please don't get upset with me for saying this, I don't think facebook is the place to try to settle family disagreements by calling out their name. Maybe asking for others' opinions in a generic way is fine. But giving their name could "add fuel to the fire" and cause scars to your relationship with family (sister). Maybe one day your sister will have a dog that she will fall in love with and will then understand how you feel. I wasn't always a dog person myself and wouldn't have understood either. But something changed me ten years ago when I got Cayce, my Yorkie, who died last year. We'd had dogs all my life, but my feelings weren't quite the same as they are now. So, there's still hope for her too. 


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## wkomorow (Aug 26, 2011)

Audrey,

I am so sorry.


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## jane and addison (Nov 1, 2012)

Our grown children do not like our dogs. Our grandson is allergic so we do not take the dogs to their house. They do not have to like or love the dogs but they must treat them with kindness or there will be "**** to pay". Forget it and move on there is no changing some people.


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## CrystalAndZoe (Jul 11, 2006)

Audrey you know I support you and totally understand what this is doing to you. I have a bit of it myself with my siblings. It's taken me awhile to get to this place but I've come to understand that beneath their feelings about my dogs is a place where a bit of jealousy and resentment lie. My siblings feel that my parents love my dogs more than they did their grandchildren. Well the truth is, my parents dote on and spend more time with my dogs then their grandchildren because my siblings said and did some things that restricted how much freedom my parents felt they had when it came to my nieces and nephews. And I know there's a bit of resentment and jealousy about the relationship I have with my mom and had with my dad when he was still with us. But the truth is, I worked hard to maintain a good relationship with them through some pretty difficult times when they chose to put some distance and boundaries between them. Perhaps there is something like this going on in your situation.

We've come to a 'silent' understanding. Pretty much all family get togethers happen at my house now so of course all my fluffs are there. And I don't get emotional when something is said about my dogs anymore. In my mind I quickly go over how to present it in a quick way that tells them it's not so much how they feel about my dogs, but that they need to respect my choices in how I treat them. It has helped quite a bit doing it that way. There was some hurt feelings that even effected how we were with each other for awhile and I don't wish that on anyone. Family is forever and to have a broken relationship with family is just the worst. And it also helps me to realize they are truly missing out on something wonderful if they don't understand because that means they've never had the kind of relationship with a fluff like we do. It's really sad for them. Just remember, you cannot change how someone is or feels but you can change how you let it affect you. Hugs to you my friend. :grouphug:


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## Summergirl73 (Sep 18, 2011)

I saw your post on FB and couldn't decide what I wanted to write...so I hadn't written anything yet. When it comes to our pups we take it personally because we love them and we respect the bond that we have with them. Some people just don't get it and that's okay! My response to her would be something polite but firm, "I'm sorry you don't care for my dogs. It's a good thing you don't have to. I love them and that's all that matters." It's mature, clip and doesn't leave room for negotiations. You don't have the power to change her feelings (or her behavior) but you do have the power to rise above how those words from her impact you  .


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## chicklet and simba (Mar 19, 2013)

I know a lot of people think I go overboard with Simba because I know I do. Sometimes I think I forget he is not human. But he is my baby and he is family and there is no changing that. I have come across people who just aren't dog people and I get it, they don't get the baby-ing we do to our spoiled Maltese, but they don't say anything (or at least not to my face-LOL). Let your sister know how you feel and tell her not to say that anymore, at the very least in your home where she is theoretically Jasmine's guest. And the thing about how to kill a dog, not funny at all. After that I suppose you'll just have to let it go. No use getting upset over something you can't change. Just talk to us about you baby, you know we love to hear about her!😜


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## mfa (Oct 5, 2009)

I think your sister sounds mean and immature. She just does not get it and maybe never will. Try to not let it bother you, Jasmine is your baby and those that really love you will respect that.
I am sorry you even had to deal with something like that.


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## mdbflorida (Feb 28, 2013)

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. It is she who is embarrassing herself. If she does not have compassion for anything living regardless of skin or fur it says a lot about herself. Personally, I think she is jealous you have Jasmine who loves you in return. The important thing is you have something to love. She apparently does not and it comes across in her bitterness. Hang in there.


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

Crystal&Zoe said:


> Audrey you know I support you and totally understand what this is doing to you. I have a bit of it myself with my siblings. It's taken me awhile to get to this place but I've come to understand that beneath their feelings about my dogs is a place where a bit of jealousy and resentment lie. My siblings feel that my parents love my dogs more than they did their grandchildren. Well the truth is, my parents dote on and spend more time with my dogs then their grandchildren because my siblings said and did some things that restricted how much freedom my parents felt they had when it came to my nieces and nephews. And I know there's a bit of resentment and jealousy about the relationship I have with my mom and had with my dad when he was still with us. But the truth is, I worked hard to maintain a good relationship with them through some pretty difficult times when they chose to put some distance and boundaries between them. Perhaps there is something like this going on in your situation.
> 
> We've come to a 'silent' understanding. Pretty much all family get togethers happen at my house now so of course all my fluffs are there. And I don't get emotional when something is said about my dogs anymore. In my mind I quickly go over how to present it in a quick way that tells them it's not so much how they feel about my dogs, but that they need to respect my choices in how I treat them. It has helped quite a bit doing it that way. There was some hurt feelings that even effected how we were with each other for awhile and I don't wish that on anyone. Family is forever and to have a broken relationship with family is just the worst. And it also helps me to realize they are truly missing out on something wonderful if they don't understand because that means they've never had the kind of relationship with a fluff like we do. It's really sad for them. Just remember, you cannot change how someone is or feels but you can change how you let it affect you. Hugs to you my friend. :grouphug:


:goodpost::goodpost:


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

We have a sign in our little WC that says "Guests welcome, relatives by appointment." :HistericalSmiley::HistericalSmiley:
We had a close colleague in Greece who was always extremely rude to our last rescue dog (who admittedly liked to lick the salt off his legs)---our Bo was totally deaf, but our colleague was totally "dumb" in terms of how to treat a small, deaf dog. We got into so many fights over this. Finally I told the colleague that this is "Bo's house." It made no difference to our colleague---he continued to be rude. Finally I began to "not include" the colleague in a number of important things. After this he seemed to realize more that he was expected to be at least "mature" in his responses to Bo. He never really changed though, and it was always a source of contention between us. :smilie_tischkante:


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## *Tessa* (Nov 23, 2013)

Wow. I agree that what she did was rude and immature of her, especially since you made it pretty clear that you didn't like what she was saying. I guess it's just hard for her to understand why people baby their dogs. I found it a little odd until I got my first dog and started buying stuff for her. But to make those comments is crossing a line.


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## MalteseJane (Nov 21, 2004)

All of what's left of my family have no problems with dogs. On the contrary, they would spoil Charlie like I do. But I have a friend who came to visit when Alex was still alive. She is not particularly fond of animals but never was rude to Alex, she just did not know how to handle him. She would laugh at the way we treated Alex like a child but in a good way. When she writes she always asks what Charlie is doing even tho she does not know Charlie.


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## Maglily (Feb 3, 2009)

I think that others don't need to understand how much a fluff can mean to someone but they should love their loved one enough to be respectful to them and to their fluff. 

They don't need to talk to it like a baby but they do need to know that it is something of value.
People also just like to make fun of others to make themselves feel better. 

I am visiting my parents and Earlier to day I had to tell my sister to "do something about this" situation so that her son would stop chasing my cat and scaring her. She doesn't want to play or be caught by him. He was doing this the night before too. I said "I'm NOT having it!" She's timid and has been in the basement since they've arrived. I'm staying in a basement bedroom so that works out well and I can try to keep him out of the basement. I feel like I am guarding the fluffs. I went out today but only while he was also out. This has been the only down side of the visit home but it sours things.

I would like to add that I said something a couple of years ago that caused hurtful feelings, and like Crystal said ( I think it was her) that those hurt feelings can last a long time and cause damage. 

I might suggest that you could also call her to chat and just explain how all of this made you feel, that you don't have the same feelings towards pets and that is OK, but when she makes fun of you that's not acceptable. A letter may be OK but it is easy to misinterpret words and meaning sometimes and more direct to chat and explain anything right away, it could all be cleared up in a few minutes.


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## .13124 (Jun 1, 2012)

So sorry you had to go through that, I know it is not a good feeling at all to not have the support of a loved one when it comes to something positive like loving a dog. Like, what's it to them? Shouldn't they be happy for the person that has a deep love for a dog and they are mutually kind to each other? It's not like its offensive. But some people just don't get it, and its ok, but its not ok IMO when they are purposely rude. 

She will probably never understand why you do so much for your dog, and you shouldn't try to make her understand. Just hopefully she will understand that that behavior is not acceptable on her part especially not in your home. Just let her know that you doing something she wouldn't do does not ever justify her having a rude attitude. 


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## luvmydoggie (Dec 15, 2013)

Of course this is just my opinion but if ANYONE, relative or not said something like that I would be handing them their coat and opening the door. I have a brother that we have not talked in almost 4 years. I have tried calling him on holidays, his birthday and it always goes to voice mail and he never calls back. I have no idea why because we were always very close all our lives and even the last time I saw him we were laughing and joking around and everything was fine. Then all of a sudden he just started acting like I didn't even exist any more. I have no idea why since we have never had a harsh word between us. We were best friends growing up and spoke at least a couple times a week all our lives and then all of a sudden he just stopped talking to me and no one knows why.


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## shellbeme (Mar 1, 2011)

I would have been so very upset if one of my family members said something like this, and I likely wouldn't speak to them again. Just because they are family, doesn't mean you HAVE to like them, if they are mean to you and a negative influence, bring you down, they don't have to be a part of your life. Took me a long time to learn that.


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## luvmydoggie (Dec 15, 2013)

In my experience I don't trust anyone that doesn't like animals. Everyone I have ever met that wasn't a "pet person" always seemed to be self centered and much less caring than people that not only enjoyed their pets but also treated them very well.


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## dntdelay (May 27, 2011)

Thank You all for your replies. A couple of days ago I talked to Janene (The Fab Three) and we talked for a good long time. She helped me quite a bit to realize that I am a pushover and it needs to stop!!! :blush:

2014 is MY YEAR!!! I am not going to take any more [email protected]#$ from anybody, especially people who come to my house, and then say mean things!!!

I have not talked to my sister about this incident, because I am saying it's in the past, but when and if she says something negative I will tell her something.


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