# Opinion Needed



## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

To many of you this may be a strange question, but it's about my husband's funeral, and I really need opinions because I'm not at my best right now.

I do not attend furnerals and my mother and father and myself specifically asked that no funeral be held for us. Since being 7, I have only attended 1 funeral to provide support for my BFF. My feeling is that the person's spirit has moved on and is with God and that I showed my love and respect for their earthly presence when they were alive.

On the other hand, my dear Jerry did believe in funerals and attended several for relatives he was not close to as well as for friends that were more like acquintances. He specifically wanted to be cremated and to have his ashes placed at the AZ Veterans Memorial Cemetary and have a military funeral (21 gun salute, etc.) as he was very proud of his military service and was retired from the Navy.

His daughters have planned the funeral, written the obituary, made all the arrangements as I just wasn't up to it. The funeral is planned for next Thursday, 4/26/12 in Phoenix.

In my heart I know that I don't want to go to the funeral. It will upset me to go through a memorial service for him right now and returning to Phoenix at the moment is just devasting to me. Being back in New Mexico, doing my normal routine is helping me deal with all of this. Of course, I am still grieving, but I just don't want to go to the funeral as I know in my heart how hard it will be for me. This may be selfish as I'm only thinking of my own personal pain.

His daughters know my feelings about funerals, but they still might be upset if I don't attend. If not upset, at least they will think that it's weird as will his friends. If I do attend, my BFF has agreed to be there with me to support me.

If I don't attend the funeral, do you think it would be terrible? I just don't know if I can go through this right now. I mean, of course, I will find a way to prop myself up and get through it, but I know that it will cause me a lot of distress once I get through it.


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## mpappie (Jun 28, 2005)

I hate to tell people what to do. I will just share my feelings, I have found them to be a comfort. I also think that if you attend, in the long run you won't regret it, but you could regret not going. this is a hard one. PLEASE LISTEN TO YOUR HEART.


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## Ladysmom (Oct 19, 2004)

Lynn, have you asked yourself if not going to Jerry's funeral will be a decision you will regret in the future? Would Jerry want you there?

I know you are taking it day by day at this terrible time so maybe you could try to look at the bigger picture when making this important decision? 

Your BFF sounds wonderful. Lean on her for support and advice now.


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## Furbabies mom (Jul 25, 2011)

Lynn, I detest funerals. When my dear brother passed away I was dreading going to it. It turned out that I'm glad that I did. I knew my brother wasn't there (in body) anymore, but family and friends were. It was a comfort to hear stories and different things about my brother. Only you can decide. I actually felt better going, and knowing how many people were touched by my brother's life.


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## Maisie and Me (Mar 12, 2009)

I certainly understand your distress which has so many layers to it. I know it will be hard to go back, pack up the fluffs, make the trip etc. but I think you should go. You might regret it later on, damage your relationship with his daughters and the fact that Jerry wanted a funeral are compelling reasons to go.

I know God will give you the grace to attend and the whole process might be healing for you and bring a measure of comfort and closure. The fact that your friend will go with you is awesome, lean on her strength for now, you don't have to be strong, just BE.

I wish you peace with this decision in every way :wub:. I will pray very hard for you to decide what is best.


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

In my opinion funerals are a time for all the people who were important to the departed to be together in mind, body and spirit to pay homage to their beloved. Especially, since Jerry wanted the military salute, my opinion is that you should do it. 
When I was younger I used to think that the reception (party) after the funeral was just terrible. How could people eat, drink and laugh? But the first time I had to plan the service was for my mother when she was only 61. I had a catered sit down lunch with wine. I saw relatives and family friends I had not seen in ages. We cried, but we also laughed. My mother would have loved it.

Surely you will follow your heart in such an important matter.


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## CeeCee's Mom (Sep 14, 2006)

Lynn, I cannot offer any advice about what to do......I understand what you are saying completely. I hate it when other people put their religious beliefs on someone else. Jerry knows that you love him. Do what makes Lynn happy and at peace and if that means that you cannot face going back, then so be it. I for one will respect your wishes.........:heart:


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

Lynn - you're really in a tough bind. I wanted to share something. I used to hate funerals as well, especially the ones where there are viewings. Freaked me out for years, but it was my mom's wishes to have an open coffin. :blink: That's not even something you normally do in a Jewish ceremony. We did it just to honor her wishes, not our own. I dealt with it and then ended up writing and delivering the eulogy with my brother, because we really knew her (which a rabbi we used for the funeral didn't) and we could share her real essence so that people who hadn't ever met mom and were our friends or business associates, knew who my mom really was.:wub: An amazing woman. It was hard to do but so cathartic and ended up being a very loving, moving ceremony. 

I totally understand that you don't like attending, and wouldn't want a funeral for yourself, but in a way I feel like you need to honor Jerry's last request. It was important enough to him to know what he wanted and I'm sure he knew how you felt about funerals, so I think that just for him, it's important that you go. As everyone's said, often it is the time to see others you don't see often and it will more or less close this chapter in Phoenix. I think you should not stay in Phoenix long, go in and our within a day, definitely take your best friend for support and know that we will be there to lean on as well. It's totally your decision but you really don't want to regret it later. You can't take it back. 

Think about it and then follow your heart. We understand either way.


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## Lovkins mama (Dec 15, 2011)

Maybe instead of going to the funeral you could meet up with his daughters, family, and close friends to have a remembrance day that way you still honor him without having to go to the funeral. I can not tell you what is right or wrong only offer love and support. What ever you decide we deicde with you


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## KAG (Jun 1, 2006)

You know what, Lynn. You have been through so much. Your own health issues, Jerry's health issues. I'm sure Jerry's daughters and his friends know that, as well. 

How about going to a little church or chapel next Thursday morning and light some candles in Jerry's memory. If you don't want to, I will for you. I have to work that day, so I'll be going to St. Peter's RC Church. It's lovely.

The **** with what everyone thinks if you do not want to attend. Amen. I love you, Lynn.
xoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxooxoxooxox


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## zooeysmom (Aug 1, 2011)

Hi Lynn, 

Your feelings are completely understandable. I think you will regret it if you don't go, and I would do it to "keep the peace" with the family. Take your BFF and lean on her for support. 

Love,


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## SammieMom (Nov 13, 2010)

No one can tell someone what to do. But I will share what happened to me a few years back. I hate funerals. I have only attended 2 in my lifetime. One was my father and other was my Mother. My Mother and I were as close as you could get. I did not want to go into the room where she was. I was stressing over being able to handle it. Then my family agreed to close the casket before I entered the sanctuary, so I could go to the service. 

Once in I realized this day is not about _me_, but her final farewell to this life, me, and the rest of my family. Remember Lynn, there are no do-overs and Jerry's family will be left with what ever you decide forever.


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## bonsmom (Feb 22, 2010)

I think it would be a great comfort to his daughters for you to be there. If you feel overwhelmed, you can always step out for awhile, then return. I agree with a previous poster, there are no "do overs."
I think you would regret not attending.


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## socalyte (Nov 15, 2010)

Lynn, along with all the others here will completely support you no matter what your decision. 

I will tell you that my mom had let it be known that she did not want a funeral, and us five children respected that. However, to this day I regret that we didn't have one. It would have been tough, but there is a sense of closure I'm missing from my mom's passing that I don't have with my dad, who did have a funeral. This is just another perspective that perhaps you hadn't thought of. Big hugs.


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## CloudClan (Jan 31, 2007)

So many very eloquent folks here have given you a great deal to think about, and only you can decide, but reading all the replies here, I think the arguments do strongly favor you going. 

I have never had a distaste for funerals per say; however, a few years back I went to one for my uncle. He was a man I had a lot of mixed feelings about for a variety of reasons. His service was beautiful and helped me a great deal in putting perspective on what he had meant to those lives he had touched. I think funerals can be powerful. In the end, the ceremony of it all sometimes allows us to work out those feelings and share them in one of the only ways still open to us after the person has gone.


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## sophiesmom (Apr 21, 2006)

Oh dear Lynn, everyone has given such wonderful advice but only you can do what your heart feels. I will say that when my mom died, my daddy wanted nothing of the service. Didn't go see her and didn't attend the funeral.. I lost my daddy last year but there were many times in talking with him, that I know he regretted not attending her service. And having a military service made us so proud of him, emotional but beautiful.Since he retired from the Navy, it is a honor to Jerry for serving his country. Think if you want to miss that honor. But only your heart can truly tell you want you can do. Bless you Lynn....


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

It's so hard to give someone grieving advise on tsomething as important as this,but many times,I've stood silent and later I find that person would have done it a little different and it might have been easier if they felt it was ok to do something non traditional and regretted not doing so.


I'm not real traditional these days. As I get older,my tastes and feelings evolve... The very feelings you expressed are why people don't like to go to funerals.


I told Al I don't want a funeral, people sitting around in a funeral home and a preacher or whomever doing a eulogy when they didnt' know me.. Plus any funeral I've been to that has a preacher,they usually spend part of that sermon talking about someone they didnt' know and may not even have met until that day... then so many have used it as a time to recruit members to church.

Many of my friends arent religious, most are not christians but other beliefs or more spiritual,so I wouldn't want them to feel uncomfortable...I'd rather have a celebration of life at a park where folks can get together,cook out, pot luck and talk smack about me.

I think people can still have closure and say good bye in that setting. Maybe better than they do at a funeral..
Al's family never goes to church but they all have a preacher and follow the same senario, I don't mean to disrespect anyone's religion or beliefs,but I just hate going to those types of funerals.

Al doesn't want to do a traditional funeral either, which would upset his folks...

Maybe you can do something that celebrates his life without making you hurt too much to breathe... People don't think about their funerals,they just go with the standard canned formula,I guess that's why so many hate going to funerals but love the dinners afterwards, because they all sit , eat celebate life and talk smack ,in a good way, about the departed...

I think not going to a funeral,you would regret it,but since the funeral is about Jerry and your life together,maybe it can be tailored into something that allows people to say good bye and not get torn up inside... and Jerry can still have a 21 gun salute at graveside.

Maybe cutomize it to fit how you both lived,loved and say good bye (for now). Go with your heart and maybe you can find a way to respect the heart of Jerry's wishes and still find a way for everyone to say goodbye and still make it beable for your heart and allow you to heal too.

I hope I didn't offend anyone. For me funerals, make my heart hurt in such an unbearble way and they don't reflect how many of the deseased lived or thought either...


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## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

Thank you all for your advice and thoughts.

Kerry -- Going to a Catholic Chuch and lighting a candle for Jerry would bring me comfort. He was raised Catholic but wasn't a practicing Catholic at his passing. Still I had the Last Rites said before he passed. I love that idea and will certainly be doing it -- often -- as I also light candles for my Mom and my Dad.

I know that most people think the way I feel about furnerals and services is strange. My Mom was cremated and they mailed her ashes to me (from AZ to Southern CA). Of course I had to sign for the ashes and I did not go to pick them up. I just didn't want to, and I didn't care about having them at all. The mortuary called and told me that the ashes had been returned to them and did I want them to re-mail them. I said that I didn't and Jerry actually went and picked them up. Then they sat in our RV in Phoenix for about 2 years and then Jerry put them in the Jeep and one year when we were back in Phoenix for Christmas, I decided to scatter the ashes just so that they wouldn't be in the Jeep anymore. I picked a park across from the Mormon Temple as it was in the center of Mesa which she had once loved. As I was scattering her ashes and trying hard to care about this gesture, some drunk, homeless person walked up to me and asked what I was doing. Jerry got out of the Jeep and came over so that the guy would leave me alone. I really wasn't having a special "moment" and had to laugh as I knew that my Mom would have found it funny, especially since her thoughts on funerals, burials, etc. mirrored mine. But I truly didn't feel any connection from scattering the ashes and being closer to her spirit, or any type of closesure for that matter. I feel her spirit around me all the time. If I had never picked up or scattered her ashes, it would never have bothered me.

The handful of people that attend the services will be Jerry's children and grandchildren and a handful of his friends -- but no one that we truly shared as friends together. There will not be anyone there that I really want to see.

I will think about this, but if I go, it will because his daughters really demand that I come, and if I don't go, I know that I won't ever regret it. Yes, the services would be important to Jerry, but, he also knew that our thoughts about this differed greatly.

In fact, the cemetary wanted to know if I wanted my ashes combined with Jerry's when I passed. One of his daughters asked me about this. I said, "sure, why not, I really don't care where my ashes are." In fact, I've always planned on being an organ donor and leaving the rest of my body to a medical school for their use. So there may never be any ashes to worry about.


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## Snuggle's Mom (Jan 3, 2008)

I for one, have been to many, many funerals and have never had a problem with going to them whether be in a funeral home or in a Church or both. However, SammieMom really summed it up when she said that it is not about "us" is is about the departed. I hope that those who have posted before me have given you some idea how they would handle the situation. If you do not go, I personally think that you would end up regretting that you stayed away and you cannot go back to do it over. And, as someone also said, you can always step outside of the viewing area for a little while if you feel the need to do so.

In the meantime, I will pray for you that your decision is what you want to do and hope that the aforementioned posts will somehow guide you in your decision.


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

Quote..."I really wasn't having a special "moment" and had to laugh as I knew that my Mom would have found it funny, especially since her thoughts on funerals, burials, etc. mirrored mine. "

You did share a moment, a tue moment that you could connect with finding something your mom and you both found humourous about the homeless person.


Al's uncle passed while his folks were in Az,so they had him cremated and they delivered the ashes to teh jewellery store we owned. While talkign with the director, a lady came in browsed and saw the beautiful marble box ( uncle Paul's ashes) and looked at it and started to pick it up to ask if it was fosale. I told her no, it's been in the family for years....never told her it was uncle Paul. Paul would have laughted at that,I know it...
We took Paul home and kept him until Al's folks got home and they just had a graveside quickie ceremony and 21 gun salute,then we all met up at a local diner.

After so many funerals ,I figured,I want to make my wishes known and hopefully whoever is in charge will be creative.

It's hard since it seems there are no easy answers... and no do overs...


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## MalteseJane (Nov 21, 2004)

I don't like funerals myself but respect the desire of others to have them. If it's closure for them, so be it. When there is a dead in the family and I am close by I will attend [even a catholic one or any faith]. I will attend for friends. It is a gesture of support for those left behind. I didn't attend my own mother's funeral. The airline ticket in the middle of August was way too expensive to follow a casket. My sister made all the arrangements and she had her own children there and a close cousin to support her. We did a funeral to honor my mom's wishes not for us. My sister is not for funerals either. When the day comes for my husband or my self, there will be no funeral. We made that clear in our will. It is hard to tell you what to do especially that I think the same way you do. But it was your husband and he wanted a funeral and I think you should bite the bullet since it is the last thing you can do for him.


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## LJSquishy (Feb 27, 2008)

I feel the same way about funerals. I do not mind attending memorial services if they are done in a celebration of life manner rather than a grieve-stricken manner. The decision is solely up to you. I can only offer you my own opinion and tell you what I would do if I were in your situation. If my husband passed and wanted a service, I would honor his wishes and attend because I know he would want me there. I just can't imagine not supporting my spouse in his last desire. I would definitely regret not attending a service for my husband, I know I would. But, that is not to say you are a bad person for choosing not to attend; he knew your feelings on funerals and if you truly believe he would be okay with you not attending then you shouldn't feel obligated. They are really more for the family and friends of the deceased. I know I don't want any sort of service when I pass away (I also want to be cremated) but if my family members or friends want to put together something for themselves I wouldn't have a problem with it.

I know it must be really hard for you to have to make these big decisions, Lynn. You will do what is right for you, and only you will know if you will regret your decision either way. There is no right or wrong answer.


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## lynda (Oct 11, 2005)

I am going to go way out on a limb here and give you my honest opinion without any sugar coating. I think you should go to your husbands funeral and support him in his last wishes. Of course it is going to be extremely painful for you. It would be extremely painful for any of us but doing the right thing is to go and I think you already know that Lynn.


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## maggieh (Dec 16, 2007)

I agree with others that going would be supporting Jerry's request. The 21 gun salute was important to him and he would likely have wanted you to see it. After all, it is an honor to he men and women who served our country so honorably with their military service. I would have been proud to have a DH honored in that way. 

That said, it is your decision and the rest of his family should support it.


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## aprilb (Jul 9, 2010)

Who really enjoys funerals, anyway?:blink: IMHO, I think you should go, as painful as it is, and bring your BFF for support and maybe a tranquilizer. It is your decision, and we will support you, no matter what you decide.


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## Deborah (Jan 8, 2006)

Lynn go. Military funerals are really very comforting. It is to honor Jerry.
My sister-in-law has her husband, mom, and dad in some kind of container in her laundry room. 
My cousin had her husband cremated and she takes his ashes everywhere she goes. I think they stay home when she is in town but when out of town they are with her. 
People really grieve differently.


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## sassy's mommy (Aug 29, 2005)

I personally think funerals are not for the dead, but for the living. I too dislike funerals, but this is about Jerry and his life. You should probably attend out of respect for his children. I think in the years to come you will be happy that you did attend. Lean on your friend for strength and try to keep you mind on the positive aspects of your life with him. Hugs to you my friend.


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

Oh my, Lynn. I'm afraid you might have thought more of the ladies here would suggest that you not go to the funeral ... because that is what you wish to do.

I could share so many thoughts and stories with you about funerals within my own family.

I did not attend my step-father's funeral ... because as a young girl and even in my thirties ... he tried to sexually abuse me. He did sexually abuse and beat me severly me during my teens. So, needless to say ... I had no guilt, nor do I, to this day, have any regret about not attending his funeral. 

I attended my mother's funeral .. and, I am glad that I did. I honestly don't think she knew what her husband was doing behind her back. Maybe I am still in denial about that. What I do remember about her funeral is that the room was packed with people that she worked with before she retired ... other friends ... and, some family. Me, Felix, my daughter and her then husband, the granddaughter (Ashley) that she never got to meet or hold in person. And, several of her ex-sister-in laws (my aunts on my fathers side). I have to tell you that there were two sisters who did not attend. And, a brother who did not attend. To this day, I have not forgotten that. I was so hurt. All three of them had no excuse ... and, they had the financial means to make the trip. The one aunt, whom I had adored growing up ... broke my heart by not being there. Instead, my aunt, who was in her middle/late sixties ... chose to stay behind, because she didn't want to be away from the guy she was having an affair with ( she was married, too). It might have not been so difficult for me to accept ... but, it was my mother who worked her butt off ... while at the same time, lovingly visiting both my grandparents every day when they had to be transferred into nursing homes. She would cook their favorite meals and treats. It was at least a half hour drive each day to the nursing home ... after she had worked so hard every day. In the meantime ... the aunts and uncle who did not attend her funeral ... lived a great life travelling, going on cruises, etc. None of them were ever there to help my mother take care of my grandparents. To this day, I resent and do not respect their selfishness. But, guess what? They all attended the funeral of the man who sexually abused me ... yep, my step-father. My mother was still alive then.

Before my beloved and cherished grandmother died ... she surprised me one day while I was visiting her in the nursing home. She took my hands in hers and said ... "Honey, you have always been the favorite granddaugher (I was the first and had spent so much time with my grandparents.). She went on to tell me that she knew it was a matter of time before she would be with God in Heaven. And, that she didn't want me to feel I needed to be at her funeral ... that she knew she and I would always be together in spirit. So, because of the distance and other extenuating circumstances in my life at that time ... I did not attend the funeral. I never felt regret or sad. My grandmother and I had a very close and loving bond. And, after her funeral ... she made sure I was given what I had asked for when she asked me that day in the nursing home what I would like after she passed on. All that I wanted was the little red Bible that she read every day. It meant so much to her. I also have her family Bible from the 1890's. But, it's my Grammy's red Bible that I cherish and is priceless to mel

My brother, Joe, took his life at the age of seventeen ... he was a couple of months away from graduating from High School. I was shocked when I received the call that he was in the hospital and had been shot. I flew home from Washington, DC to be with him. But, my step-father said he could not have visitors. (later I found out that was a lie). The next day my brother died. Joe was so loved by everyone. He was an A student ... worked a paper route early before going to school. And, volunteered a a Sunday School teacher at his church. He was so loved that the high school acutally closed the school for a day ... and, a special viewing was held for the students to attend. I was overwhelmed with the hundreds of students who came to the funeral home to say good-bye to my brother. So many of his friends brought individual flower arrangements ... that we overheard the funeral director in the other room say ... "****! What are we going to do with all of these flowers!?" A dear Catholic priest was there to comfort me and my mother. Without my asking, he told me that my brother is in Heaven ... even though he took his life. He asked if there was anything else he could do. I asked him if he could visit my mother one day after the funeral. Bless his heart ... he spent one whole day with her. So, this is one funeral that I would have regretted and felt bad for not attending. I found peace and comfort from so many people who dearly loved my brother.

And, then my father. A very long story that is too long for here. The last time I had seen my father was when I was fifteen. I remember him saying ... "Oh, what a pretty girl you are. What is your name?". And, he wanted to take pictures of me. I had been visiting his parents (my grandparents) and an aunt at their house. Because of other family circumstances that were out of my control at the time ... I was never able to see him again. All that I knew was that he was a veteran of WWll and had amnesia. I could never get anyone to tell me where he was. Although his psychologist helped purchase a small home for him ... my father chose to ilve as a homeless person. When he died, I received a phone call from the Coroner's office ... he located through one of my aunt's ... in order to ask if my father had any children. I learned at that time that I had become the sole heir to the money that had been sitting in a bank for years. My father would not have anything to do with his years of veteran's checks ... so, it was under guardianship with the bank. The only people at his funeral were his sisters and their husbands, me and Felix ... and, my fathers psychologist, who befriended my father over the years. Now me and my husband are friends with my father's Earth Angel. I never dreamed that I would be at my father's funeral ... and, how it forever changed my life. My story was on the local TV channels and the front page of the Pocono newspapers. i wanted people to understand that most homeless people are not bums. My father never touched alcohol. He was a victim of a terrible war ... he couldn't handle it. If I wouldn't have gone home to his funeral ... and, instead just took the inheritence and real estate ... I would have never met his doctor ... and, learned about who my father really was. 

So, Lynn ... I do believe there are different circumstances that can affect our decisions as to why we might attend ...or, not attend ... someone's funeral.

I know you are depressed and feel as though you are falling apart. You know that I realized how depressed you were when I decided to phone you the night Jerry died. I read that last sentence you wrote on FB that night ... for everyone to read. You said you didn't think you wanted to go on with life anymore. I felt your pain enough to make sure you could make it through the night.

With your circumstances ... I think you should be brave and attend the services. Lynn, Jerry wanted the military service. Please hear me. My father was homeless. But, at his funeral ... he was honored for his service in the Army ... with that twenty-one gun salute. And, the most touching moment for me was when the soldier in the Army uniform came over to me ... and, presented me with the American flag ... in honor of my father' service in the United State's Army. Lynn ... Jerry was your beloved husband. You should be there to honor him and accept the beautiful American flag. You will make it through the day. And, then you can fly back home. Your best friend said she would be there for you. Let her take your hand into hers and attend the services.


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## Aarianne (Jul 22, 2005)

Lynn, I'm quite certain I wouldn't go if I was in your shoes. I think you should do what you feel is best for your grieving and wellbeing.


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## jenniferhope423 (Jun 25, 2007)

Pray about it...God will always lead you to do what is right


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## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

Jennifer -- I have been praying on it and know that God will show me the way and that if I'm meant to go He will be there supporting me.


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

Lacie's Mom said:


> Jennifer -- I have been praying on it and know that God will show me the way and that if I'm meant to go He will be there supporting me.


Lynn, my post was so long and drawn out. I'm sorry I wrote so much and just didn't get to the point of what I was trying to express. Whatever you decide to do ... I support you. I know you are praying for God's guidance.


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## jodublin (Sep 27, 2006)

Lynn ,your heart will tell you what to do ..may God bless you and your family .


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

Al's aunt Dixie felt the same way, she just couldn't say good bye, like going to the funeral finalized it. Al's uncle Ervin was only 55, and died suddenly from an aneurysm, so she had no idea it was coming ,so it wan't real for her until a couple weeks later...

Funerals are so hard, it's like being there tells you it's really true,they're gone and it's like it's forcing you to say goodbye when you're not ready...
I can get through a funeral until we get graveside, that's the part that's the hardest, leaving them there...

Go , bring your best friend and lean on her to get through it...


I don't know how spouses do it, Al is my only family and my true best friend...they'd have to drug me up ,for me to get through it.


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## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

michellerobison said:


> Al's aunt Dixie felt the same way, she just couldn't say good bye, like going to the funeral finalized it. Al's uncle Ervin was only 55, and died suddenly from an aneurysm, so she had no idea it was coming ,so it wan't real for her until a couple weeks later...
> 
> Funerals are so hard, it's like being there tells you it's really true,they're gone and it's like it's forcing you to say goodbye when you're not ready...
> I can get through a funeral until we get graveside, that's the part that's the hardest, leaving them there...
> ...


Michelle -- I think you really expressed what I'm feeling. Here in New Mexico, it's not so real to me because by now Jerry hadn't been here with me for 3 years -- but going back to Phoenix will make it so real all over again. And yes, Jerry was my only family and my true best friend -- and I am already on antidepressants but will need more to get through this.

I really value everyone's opinions -- that's why I asked for them. Each of you have given me something to consider. 

I do know that this was important for Jerry, so I am going to try hard to go for his sake. I am planning on flying in early Thursday morning and returning later that afternoon. 

I am strong and can do this -- I just don't WANT to, and that's selfish of me.


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

lacie's mom said:


> michelle -- i think you really expressed what i'm feeling. Here in new mexico, it's not so real to me because by now jerry hadn't been here with me for 3 years -- but going back to phoenix will make it so real all over again. And yes, jerry was my only family and my true best friend -- and i am already on antidepressants but will need more to get through this.
> 
> I really value everyone's opinions -- that's why i asked for them. Each of you have given me something to consider.
> 
> ...


You are strong and can do it ... but, you are NOT selfish. You are feeling overwhelmed and depressed with the loss of you beloved Jerry. Let's not forget that during all of your radiation and chemo treatments for cancer ... it is you who was always there for Jerry ... and, on top of that, for all of us, too. The Secret Santa, the raffles ... and, so, so much more, Lynn. You are NOT selfish.


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## aprilb (Jul 9, 2010)

Snowball Pie's Mommi said:


> [/size]
> 
> You are strong and can do it ... but, you are NOT selfish. You are feeling overwhelmed and depressed with the loss of you beloved Jerry. Let's not forget that during all of your radiation and chemo treatments for cancer ... it is you who was always there for Jerry ... and, on top of that, for all of us, too. The Secret Santa, the raffles ... and, so, so much more, Lynn. You are NOT selfish.


:goodpost:I totally agree. You have been through a lot Lynn...and like I said, you have our support no matter what you decide.:wub:


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

Lacie's Mom said:


> Michelle -- I think you really expressed what I'm feeling. Here in New Mexico, it's not so real to me because by now Jerry hadn't been here with me for 3 years -- but going back to Phoenix will make it so real all over again. And yes, Jerry was my only family and my true best friend -- and I am already on antidepressants but will need more to get through this.
> 
> I really value everyone's opinions -- that's why I asked for them. Each of you have given me something to consider.
> 
> ...


 
It's not selfish,it's very painful. You can do it and those who know you will also be propped up by your strength and it will help them too. I admire the strength you've shown,I don't know if I could do it, I don't have good friends close by so I would be alone. Guess I'd have to round up some SMers and bring my fluffs.

Al's cousin passed away last December and his wife brought their Malt, he loved that fluff. I think that was more comforting than the kids...

Holding your hand from afar..hugs! ♥♥♥


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