# While I am ...



## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

While I am waxing philosophical let me tell you what I learned from this experience. What made me love this little puppy so much that I thought I would burst with love? Oh she was beautiful, completely and utterly beautiful. When I looked at her, I was overwhelmed by her perfection. Every sensual pleasure was there: she was so soft, she was a joy to hold and cuddle. She was smart, well behaved, easy. But what really grabbed my heart, what made me feel like I was overflowing with love, was Spirit. The spirit that was so full of joy and love and happiness. 

We beings are many things, we are physical, we have personality, we have souls, but our essence is Spirit. Spirit is the energy of life. It is eternal and infinite. Spirit it shared, not individual.

When Fifi's beautiful body stopped, her spirit did not leave...her spirit is eternal and everywhere. Spirit is an energy that cannot be created or destroyed. It is eternal and infinite. It is the source of love. It is what makes our hearts swell to bursting. That spirit is Hope, and Tyler and Lucky and Denne and Snowball and Georgie and McCartney and Secret and Tilly and Eva and even that little brat Ava. It is in every one of our beloved babies. It doesn't go somewhere else....it is everywhere...always.


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## Polly's mom (Apr 29, 2013)

Oh Sylie, what a beautiful tribute to life! And of course, Hope.


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## wkomorow (Aug 26, 2011)

You know that I believe that the spirit of all living beings interconnect, and that connection remains even beyond our corporal existence. In essence that spirit is the very foundation of love, pure and unending. Love is both eternal. It remains in our hearts and our memories forever. A bit of Fifi will always be with you. When I look at the little bear you gave us, I will be reminded of Fifi's spirit, her energy, her happiness. But I will also be reminded of Hope's spirit. I see Fifiin that bear, I see her in Luck's eyes. I hear her voice in Luck's growl as we play tug. Love transcends the earth and heaven divide.

When our little ones leave us, the opens up a place in our hearts. Initially, we experience this as emptiness and sadness. But really, it is a way of making room for us to experience more love. I am so glad you found little Hope to make your heart whole again.

:grouphug: :heart:


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

Sylvia -- just beautiful and so eloquent. I wrote this in your SS reveal but thought I would put it here too...

I truly think that Fifi's spirit -- of love, adventure, curiosity, fun, beauty and sweetness-- touched us all and lives in us. And we see that spirit every day through Hope, through each other's Maltese and especially through our own babies. Sometimes we take it for granted and Fifi is just one of our beloved Maltese who remind us not to do that and to hug our little fluffs every chance we get. :smootch:


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

Snowbody said:


> Sylvia -- just beautiful and so eloquent. I wrote this in your SS reveal but thought I would put it here too...
> 
> I truly think that Fifi's spirit -- of love, adventure, curiosity, fun, beauty and sweetness-- touched us all and lives in us. And we see that spirit every day through Hope, through each other's Maltese and especially through our own babies. Sometimes we take it for granted and Fifi is just one of our beloved Maltese who remind us not to do that and to hug our little fluffs every chance we get. :smootch:


:wub::wub::wub: Idamned near smothered her. But Alan, is loving his time with Hope, he is so much more involved. Poor Alan, he hurts so bad, but has put all of his energy into taking care of me.


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

Sylie said:


> While I am waxing philosophical let me tell you what I learned from this experience. What made me love this little puppy so much that I thought I would burst with love? Oh she was beautiful, completely and utterly beautiful. When I looked at her, I was overwhelmed by her perfection. Every sensual pleasure was there: she was so soft, she was a joy to hold and cuddle. She was smart, well behaved, easy. But what really grabbed my heart, what made me feel like I was overflowing with love, was Spirit. The spirit that was so full of joy and love and happiness.
> 
> We beings are many things, we are physical, we have personality, we have souls, but our essence is Spirit. Spirit is the energy of life. It is eternal and infinite. Spirit it shared, not individual.
> 
> When Fifi's beautiful body stopped, her spirit did not leave...her spirit is eternal and everywhere. Spirit is an energy that cannot be created or destroyed. It is eternal and infinite. It is the source of love. It is what makes our hearts swell to bursting. That spirit is Hope, and Tyler and Lucky and Denne and Snowball and Georgie and McCartney and Secret and Tilly and Eva and even that little brat Ava. It is in every one of our beloved babies. It doesn't go somewhere else....it is everywhere...always.


So beautiful, Sylvia.

Spirit ... I wonder how many times I have shared that I often see my beloved grandmother's spirit through Snowball's eyes. I know it is her. 

In life ... my grandmother loved me unconditionally. I felt the greatest love, peace, and security when I was with her. And, I know she is with me now. Just this evening, I saw her eyes through Snowball's eyes. Krisi has remarked more than once that Snowball has the soul of an angel. I see it in his eyes. And, I think that is why my grandmother's spirit shines though my Snowball's eyes


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

This is why I feel that we should find it in our hearts to bring another fluff into our family when a fluff dies, their spirit lives on and the love they had goes into the next fluff as well as our hearts..If we don't get another fluff to love, that love goes somewhere else,because it can't dwell in sadness and grief..


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## sherry (Jan 4, 2013)

I agree with all of the above statements! I was in such despair when I lost my last fluff. And their was no relief until Riley came to live with us. Their Spirit is infinite! Spirit never dies.


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## maggieh (Dec 16, 2007)

So very true!


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## kd1212 (Nov 5, 2013)

Beautifully said and definitely true:wub:


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## mdbflorida (Feb 28, 2013)

Definitely true. They are forever in our hearts!


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## The A Team (Dec 1, 2005)

:smmadder::hysteric: :hysteric:Ava wants to know exactly what you meant by "brat". :w00t::w00t:

.....the love you felt for FiFi is deep and forever. Makes me shiver a bit to think of life without my little brat baby.:wub: ....or any of my "kids". 

You are blessed to have had time with sweet FiFi and now are doubly blessed with Hope.


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

Unfortunately we live in a world that is quickly fleeting and all that we possess or that possesses us will one day breathe it's last breath of farewell. I think when we lose one of any of these so very precious little babies we know in a deeper sense the sorry of the temporary. But grief is the pendulum of love----the more we love the deeper we grieve. :wub:


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## Slydersmama (Dec 9, 2015)

Interesting thread.....after losing SisseeLou I was/am just destroyed. The thought that I "killed" her because I had to make the decision to send her to the bridge has permeated my very soul. I know in my head that it was the very best thing for her...she was filled with hemangiosarcoma (Cancer).....there was no cure no matter what they would do and I just couldn't put her through that just to make myself happy that she was still here.

I still am just crying daily...it's been 3 weeks. And while my DH bought me another dog I still feel no joy that he's coming...NONE. Nothing could replace that love in my heart. I've told him over and over that I hope he likes the dog because I don't think I can ever feel for it what I felt for my girl. Several times I told him to just let it go....lose the deposit and forget it. I try, I really try to feel something for it but just cannot. Frankly, I don't want the dog....I don't want one again EVER because I just cannot go through this again.

And while I sit here I stare at her urn with her ashes and her favorite toy in there with her and sob....just.....can't.....get over this. The puppy is cute, well bred and being well bred the hope was he might be healthier. But there is no love there....none. In fact I really feel like it's going to just be a burden to have to take care of in my current state of mind. SisseeLou was SO smart, SO easy to train. She sat on my sewing table with me each day, sat outside and watched me work in my garden. DH always said if he needed to know where I was outdoors he just looked for the dog because she was peering out whichever window was closest to where I was. She knew what I was feeling and thinking...she was always there......and now she's not. I cannot look anywhere in this house and not "see" her. This is just killing me....


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

Slydersmama said:


> Interesting thread.....after losing SisseeLou I was/am just destroyed. The thought that I "killed" her because I had to make the decision to send her to the bridge has permeated my very soul. I know in my head that it was the very best thing for her...she was filled with hemangiosarcoma (Cancer).....there was no cure no matter what they would do and I just couldn't put her through that just to make myself happy that she was still here.
> 
> I still am just crying daily...it's been 3 weeks. And while my DH bought me another dog I still feel no joy that he's coming...NONE. Nothing could replace that love in my heart. I've told him over and over that I hope he likes the dog because I don't think I can ever feel for it what I felt for my girl. Several times I told him to just let it go....lose the deposit and forget it. I try, I really try to feel something for it but just cannot. Frankly, I don't want the dog....I don't want one again EVER because I just cannot go through this again.
> 
> And while I sit here I stare at her urn with her ashes and her favorite toy in there with her and sob....just.....can't.....get over this. The puppy is cute, well bred and being well bred the hope was he might be healthier. But there is no love there....none. In fact I really feel like it's going to just be a burden to have to take care of in my current state of mind. SisseeLou was SO smart, SO easy to train. She sat on my sewing table with me each day, sat outside and watched me work in my garden. DH always said if he needed to know where I was outdoors he just looked for the dog because she was peering out whichever window was closest to where I was. She knew what I was feeling and thinking...she was always there......and now she's not. I cannot look anywhere in this house and not "see" her. This is just killing me....


Dearest Mel ... My heart is breaking for you. It's almost as though I can feel your pain with the loss of your beloved SisseeLou. But, of course, only you can feel this incredilbly deep pain the most ... because she was your fluff baby.

I can tell you this ... you did not "kill" your precious SisseeLou. You did the most loving act for her ... you helped release her from the pain she had to be feeling. And, she did have a cancer that could not be cured. You put SisseeLou's well being first. You helped her find peace. 

I totally understand that you feel you are not ready for another puppy. I, too, am not sure that I would want another pup. I think it's important for you to not feel guilty for feeling the way you do ... it sounds like you are not ready to accept another fluff baby into your life right now. 

My prayer is that you will feel SisseeLou's angelic spirit surround you with love, peace, and comfort. I believe in angels ... and, she is now your angel in Heaven looking over you with all the love that you have given her.

Please continue to reach out in your time of sorrow. I can tell you are grieving with enormously heartfelt pain. If you need someone to listen ... please PM me. We can even talk on the phone.

Healing hugs for you, Mel.:heart:


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## Slydersmama (Dec 9, 2015)

Snowball Pie's Mommi said:


> Dearest Mel ... My heart is breaking for you. It's almost as though I can feel your pain with the loss of your beloved SisseeLou. But, of course, only you can feel this incredilbly deep pain the most ... because she was your fluff baby.
> 
> I can tell you this ... you did not "kill" your precious SisseeLou. You did the most loving act for her ... you helped release her from the pain she had to be feeling. And, she did have a cancer that could not be cured. You put SisseeLou's well being first. You helped her find peace.
> 
> ...


Thank you Marie, your words helped and I do feel her around me...I told her when she was going to look for my Father, he would take care of her until I join them....Dad loved dogs and he would of loved her if he had known her...everyone did. Thank you....trying to just take it one day at a time.


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

The A Team said:


> :smmadder::hysteric: :hysteric:Ava wants to know exactly what you meant by "brat". :w00t::w00t:
> 
> .....the love you felt for FiFi is deep and forever. Makes me shiver a bit to think of life without my little brat baby.:wub: ....or any of my "kids".
> 
> You are blessed to have had time with sweet FiFi and now are doubly blessed with Hope.


Tell Ava that what I meant by "brat" was a strong, self-confident lady, who knows her own mind. (on the other hand :hysteric:might be it.) At any rate, brat is a compliment.


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

Mel, three weeks is a short time. When my Lily died I thought I would never be happy again. A year and a half later, I found that I still had a big hole in my heart. I got MiMi then. She certainly did not replace Lily, but she filled my heart and stopped the bleeding. I love MiMi just as much as I love Lily, and that does in no way take away from Lily.

Ask yourself if you would give up your many years with SisseeLou to avoid the pain of loosing her. I think not. There is no joy without some pain.

I would normally say that it is a bad idea for a couple to get a puppy when they are not both in agreement. In this case, I think your husband is doing what he thinks will save you. 

I'll never forget Lily. I'll never forget Fifi. Without MiMi and Hope I would shrivel up and die.


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

Snowball Pie's Mommi said:


> Dearest Mel ... My heart is breaking for you. It's almost as though I can feel your pain with the loss of your beloved SisseeLou. But, of course, only you can feel this incredilbly deep pain the most ... because she was your fluff baby.
> 
> I can tell you this ... you did not "kill" your precious SisseeLou. You did the most loving act for her ... you helped release her from the pain she had to be feeling. And, she did have a cancer that could not be cured. You put SisseeLou's well being first. You helped her find peace.
> 
> ...


Marie eloquently wrote what I was going to say.
Don't ever think you "killed Sissee" Lou. You unselfishly put her first instead of keeping her around while she would suffer for you. I have a relative who did that when her dog had cancer and there was a terrible end and her one regret was that she didn't let him go earlier. To tell you the truth, I believe that dogs are luckier than we are. When their life becomes so diminished we can help them. I've watched humans suffer trapped in diseases where they have no mental facility or chronic pain and realize we help our pets escape that.

It really sounds like this may not be the time for you to get a new puppy. It might just be too early. Some people want to get another one right away, not that they replace the dog they loved so but that they have somewhere else for all that love to go. But for others, they aren't ready to open their hearts yet and let go. Sounds like you're there right now. 

If you are thinking the new pup may be more of a burden to you than a comfort, I would indeed not go ahead with getting it. You don't want to resent getting a new pup and also dogs pick up on our emotions and you don't want to set her up for failure. There are homes waiting for her I'm sure. Your husband was just doing what he thought would help but only you know deep down inside what you want. 

This decision doesn't have to mean forever. Down the road you may be ready to open your heart and home to another. They all leave us at some time and it's never easy, but it really sounds like this may be rubbing salt in the wound right now rather than helping. MHO
http://spoiledmaltese.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

Is it possibly a good idea to ask the breeder to apply the deposit to a pup in the future? I would think the breeder would understand & not want to give the pup to a reluctant owner. 
We all heal at different speeds & it is probable that your heart needs more time. It would be unfair to a pup to bring them into a story that is still full of gaps. I hope you can find some peace as you move forward and that in time you will open your heart again to love & be loved! Big hugs!


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## lydiatug (Feb 21, 2012)

Bless your heart Sylvia, these pups definitely bring the most joyful spirit into our homes and hearts!!!


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## Slydersmama (Dec 9, 2015)

Thank you all.....I had him read your replies...his answer is that "I know you, I know that the second you lay eyes on him it will be just like when we got Sissee and you will fall in love". Well, we'll see. He doesn't come for 6 more weeks....time will tell I guess.

I just know that if he was in front of me right now there wouldn't BE room in my broken heart for him or any other dog...just can't do it right now. 

I so appreciate all your kind words and advice. I'm just gonna take this one day at a time and hope things change. Thank you for helping me see that I did what was best for HER and her life...I would never of wanted her to suffer for one single second...thank you.


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## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

Sylvia -- you already know how much I agree with you on this. I feel Tilly's Spirit around me all the time, but as I watched her pass, I literally saw her Spirit leave her body and jump into Jerry's waiting Spirit arms. Her energy as well as all the others that have gone to the Bridge, like Fifi, is ever lasting and always around us.


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