# Manners Advice Needed! Friend Has Fleas!



## Canada

A close friend of mine added a young kitten to the family at the start of the summer.
She is real cutie, and seems healthy.
While visiting my friend a few months ago, upon looking at her kitten, I mentioned. "Oh my, she has fleas."
And mentioned three things:
1) Bring her to a Vet asap as would be needed anyways for vaccines.
The Vet could help remedy the flea situation.
2) Do NOT buy any commercial flea dips.
3) Bathe her in Dawn dish soap.


I returned to my friends house and saw the kitten still had fleas.
This was over a month ago.
She still has not brought the kitten for ANY shots or a vet visit!
*I have not returned to her house, I do not wish to put my gang at risk of fleas.*
I realize that fleas can occur outside, but to _knowingly_ expose them is another matter. Fleas can jump, and hitch hike on clothing.

Since then, I have seen little of my friend, and feel a little guilty.
I have met her at other locations only.
I am wondering, if your opinions if I should not feel guilty about this.
I do worry about her kitten, as fleas can cause anemia in small animals,
so I will continue to broach the topic with my friend, for the kitten's safety.

_*What words would you use in regards to why you were no longer visiting, if you were in my shoes?? 
*_

Eventually she will realize that I am avoiding her house.


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## dkolack

I think being direct is probably your best bet. I'm really sensitive to any sort of biting insects and would definitely expect any friend of mine to be understanding of that. Do you have any idea why she hasn't brought the kitty to the vet? Could it be a financial situation? If so, maybe you could find some low cost animal clinic information near her to make it easier...Good luck.


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## Sylie

Years and years ago my dog had fleas...lots of fleas. MiMi had one flea once. Maybe your friend doesn't know about Frontline. I think it has actually reduced the flea population, because I have never used flea meds on my little ones. Tell her how easy these new meds are...if you must, buy her a pack. Cat fleas for some reason invade the house and the humans more than dog fleas do...she will suffer herself if she doesn't do something fast. Give advice, if she doesn't take it...then just stay away...she isn't worthy of your friendship....if if if...give her a chance. Some people just aren]t savy, but they are willing to learn.


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## Snowbody

My vet said last week that there's a huge flea infestation this year (wonder if it was all the rain) and that she's seen more cases now than in the past 20 years.
Ugh!!:smilie_tischkante: I would be totally honest with why you don't visit her and that she's putting them all in peril. Maybe you can find an article on the internet about the problem of fleas to the dog and to the family, like this one: http://www.pested.msu.edu/Resources/pdf/Fleas.pdf They're really hard to get rid of once you get an infestation and they bite-- people and pets. The cat has to itch from it too. How could you do that to a pet especially since there is a way to prevent them?:smpullhair: I would just make it very clear about the perils and that you don't want to expose you, or the fluffs to it. And that she needs to see a vet.


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## Canada

Thanks, Ladies. You are all making me feel better, and reaffirming my decision not to visit. It's hard sometimes, as I know I can be a bit neurotic sometimes about my fur kids, so to have my thinking reaffirmed is reassuring. 




dkolack said:


> I think being direct is probably your best bet. I'm really sensitive to any sort of biting insects and would definitely expect any friend of mine to be understanding of that. Do you have any idea why she hasn't brought the kitty to the vet? Could it be a financial situation? If so, maybe you could find some low cost animal clinic information near her to make it easier...Good luck.


I think my friend has some pressing personal issues that have distracted her.
It is hard for me to see, that she hasn't sought any Vet treatment for the kitten, for vaccines & the flea treatment. I have mentioned Vets near her, but reading your advice, perhaps I should be more obvious. Like writing down actual contact info for her. Thank You! 



Sylie said:


> Years and years ago my dog had fleas...lots of fleas. MiMi had one flea once. Maybe your friend doesn't know about Frontline. I think it has actually reduced the flea population, because I have never used flea meds on my little ones. Tell her how easy these new meds are...if you must, buy her a pack. Cat fleas for some reason invade the house and the humans more than dog fleas do...she will suffer herself if she doesn't do something fast. Give advice, if she doesn't take it...then just stay away...she isn't worthy of your friendship....if if if...give her a chance. Some people just aren]t savy, but they are willing to learn.


See, Sylvia, there is nothing wrong with a dog getting fleas, like yours did, BUT you sought treatment and resolved the issue!  You are a wonderful dog parent. :heart: The situation with my friend & the kitten is concerning me as she hasn't done what you did, find treatment.
I do like your advice for me to buy her something for her cat.
It's frusterating for me to see, and sort of lessens my opinion of my friend, who I ordinarily think highly of. I am not used to feeling this way, it is new to me.



Snowbody said:


> My vet said last week that there's a huge flea infestation this year (wonder if it was all the rain) and that she's seen more cases now than in the past 20 years.
> Ugh!!:smilie_tischkante: I would be totally honest with why you don't visit her and that she's putting them all in peril. Maybe you can find an article on the internet about the problem of fleas to the dog and to the family, like this one: http://www.pested.msu.edu/Resources/pdf/Fleas.pdf They're really hard to get rid of once you get an infestation and they bite-- people and pets. The cat has to itch from it too. How could you do that to a pet especially since there is a way to prevent them?:smpullhair: I would just make it very clear about the perils and that you don't want to expose you, or the fluffs to it. And that she needs to see a vet.



Sigh, Sue, I agree. It's a frusterating situation. In my ten years of friendship with this pal, _nothing_ has bothered me as much as this. That she hasn't gotten ANY vaccines for the kitten, no flea treatment, and that her other cat got out when moving. And instead of staying to wait for the escaped adult cat, she just left. It's really hard for me to comprehend. :angry:
I haven't gone this long without seeing my friend in so long, but I am upset about the lack of general animal care & don't wish to put my furkids at any unessessary risk of fleas. 

Eventually I will need to word all my frusterations in a clear & respectful way, and am working on how I will word it.


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## Silkmalteselover

:w00t: WOW While working at a vet hospital I saw several kittens die from fleas...August/September/October were the months that we saw so many cases of flea problems because people did not use flea prevention early Spring and through the Summer. 1 flea lays ? I think 1000's of eggs.. and an infestation this time of year is VERY common. The pets also can get tapeworms from fleas.. Some vet hospitals have simple comic book form booklets that explain all this to educate the pet owner.. Frontline put these out years ago and perhaps they still do.


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## KAG

I would just tell her directly and beg her to do something. I remember when I was little we had our house bombed by an exterminator because of fleas. We couldn't go back for a day and a half. That's how toxic it was. Not sure what they do or use nowadays. I wish I can remember where we all went for a day and a half. LOL 
xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxo


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## Maglily

Yes be direct, even ask her why she hasn't brought the kitten to the vet. There's nothing to feel guilty about. I hate to think that the kitten is suffering. My cats had fleas twice, it is a major pain in terms of vacuuming the house, bedding etc, I bagged all the extra bedding, pillows etc so that the clean items remain clean. Plus bathing the cats, and all the combing and checking for fleas. It was alot of work. They were put on Sentinel for a period of time after the first episode and later when I moved, the fleas were likely in the new apt.


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## allheart

Yup, the best approach is direct. Bless your heart. Offer to make a vet appt and maybe offer to go with her. Tell her that is how important it is. I doubt this will harm the friendship, this has nothing to do with frienship, it's just bringing it to your friends attention very directly. Good for you. 

Whenever the need arises, whether it's a friend or not, I do speak up, I am direct, but calm, so they can hear me.

Saying prayers this will all work out as I am sure it's weighing heavy on you.


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## edelweiss

I had a similar situation last year and I dodged the issue because I knew that it would not be well received. I simply did not re-invite. I guess you really are the only one who knows your friend well enough to know how it will go. She was not a long-time friend, but someone I had recently met---so it wasn't a huge loss---only for our pups who loved playing together. 
So pray for wisdom & follow your heart.


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## socalyte

If you think it is truly that your friend is too overwhelmed, could you consider taking the kitten to a weekend clinic at Petsmart or something of that nature? I hate to see animals suffer. You may well consider this too intrusive-- you know your relationship with your friend best, so it's just another thought amongst many good suggestions. 

For those that do have cats, what is the best flea preventative/treatment nowadays?


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## pammy4501

If she is a good friend, I would buy her a gift. Wrap it up and bring it to her (without the dogs of course). The gift is a month or two of front line for cats. Tell her gently and kindly that she is putting her pet at risk of serious health issues, including anemia, parasites etc. And tell her, that because you love your dogs, they can't come and play until she has the problem under control. Then give her a big hug and show her how to apply the frontline!


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## spookiesmom

I guess cats can get tapeworms from the fleas like dogs do? I've never had a cat, but have done my share of battles with fleas and tapeworms. I'd just tell her.


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## Canada

Thank you everyone for the great advice.
I had been worrying about her kitten and I didn't know if I was being paranoid by not visiting. But it sounds like I'm not being paranoid, just concerned.
I don't visit her house with any of my dogs, as she has a young child.
I have read that fleas can catch a ride on clothing, and that you can bring fleas home that way. It is too risky in my opinion.

I had mentioned the Vet a few different times, and told her of a good one near her.

I spoke more with her late last night, online, and mentioned the threat of anemia, and the zoonotic concerns as well, as she has a young child. I was trying to make her more concerned about it & motivate her. The kitten is now 6 months and has never been to a Vet. 
I didn't mention that I wouldn't be visiting, as I'm not sure how to say that politely. 

I realize that fleas are very common, but it is her not seeking help that is alarming to me. 
I feel comfortable mentioning Vetting to her (on numerous occaissions) as I feel her kitten doesn't have a voice & animals need advocates. The part I have been unsure of is how to say I will not be visiting for awhile? I used to visit her once a week.


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## Maglily

hi again, fleas may be common but going where you know they are is another matter. I find that speaking over the phone works better than email. Whenever I've tried to discuss anything with one of my sisters by email about anything serious it is always misunderstood, we get annoyed with each other and I am back and forth trying to explain what I meant. 

did you ask her outright why she isn't bringing the cat to the vet ? I guess really that is her choice but it does affect you so all you can do is inform, offer to help if you can and not visit if that's what it means. 

I think I would use the call as an opportunity to say, it is very easy for fleas to spread from one household (they just aren't on the cat) to another so until they are under control you'll have to stay away so you don't spread them to your house. and yes anyone can pick up fleas and bring them home on their shoes etc, but the chances are so much higher from a cat that you know has them and you don't want to have that problem if you can avoid it. If you do offer to help her with the chores of cleaning the house, extra vaccuming etc, you can take some precautions to try and not bring fleas back to your home (chance of clothes etc if you think its necessary).


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## Canada

Maglily said:


> hi again, fleas may be common but going where you know they are is another matter. I find that speaking over the phone works better than email. Whenever I've tried to discuss anything with one of my sisters by email about anything serious it is always misunderstood, we get annoyed with each other and I am back and forth trying to explain what I meant.
> 
> did you ask her outright why she isn't bringing the cat to the vet ? I guess really that is her choice but it does affect you so all you can do is inform, offer to help if you can and not visit if that's what it means.
> 
> I think I would use the call as an opportunity to say, it is very easy for fleas to spread from one household (they just aren't on the cat) to another so until they are under control you'll have to stay away so you don't spread them to your house. and yes anyone can pick up fleas and bring them home on their shoes etc, but the chances are so much higher from a cat that you know has them and you don't want to have that problem if you can avoid it. If you do offer to help her with the chores of cleaning the house, extra vaccuming etc, you can take some precautions to try and not bring fleas back to your home (chance of clothes etc if you think its necessary).


Thank you Brenda! 
Your post makes me feel that I am doing the right thing.
I will continue to not visit & also keep mentioning vetting.
I love my dogs so much, they are family, and sometimes it's hard to guage weither I am being neurotic or just loving!!
And it's reassuring to check with SM members to make sure I'm not paranoid.


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## Maglily

Ps maybe I'm neurotic too : ) but having fleas in the house twice makes me want to avoid it even more. I remember now when a friend of mine who I was visiting, informed me that her cat had worms (or something) I'm can't quite remember, and the first thing I asked was can Jodi catch it ? And she did get the cat treated and said she'd ask the vet my quesiton, but thinking back, I'm sure the expression on my face didn't hide my reaction.


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## silverhaven

Hopefully you are getting things sorted with your friend. I would never take my dogs or myself to a place that I knew had fleas. Or have any visit with fleas. Yes of course you can get them, but to knowingly expose them seems nuts. Your friend might realize it needs dealing with if you are adamant about not exposing yours. I would say please please get rid of the fleas, because I am dying to visit you.... :grouphug:


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## allheart

Pam has such a nice approach. Bless her. I truly wish I could be that kind. And bless you too. If it were me, I will tell her, yes over the phone, that you consider her a dear friend, and really hurt to see her cat in that type of condition. Speak from your heart. You can never go wrong.

Today I've been told my one young gentlemen that 1) He used a shock collar on his Jack Russel and that 2) he gives both his dogs beer. One is a black lab. Lovely isn't it.

So follow your heart, don't feel bad at all. I truly would say what I said above, I consider you a dear friend, and it kills me to see your cat having to suffer that way.

Do not feel bad at all. Like you said, be the kitty's voice. Hugs.


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## Summergirl73

I am so sorry that you and your friends kitty are going through this. We have been married (and had 4 legged babies) for over 15 years. We never had a flea problem until this time last year and then they landed! Unfortunately it was as our house was on the market. Now that I think about it, I wonder if one of the prospective buyers brought them in on their clothes? Hmmmmm.. 

Anyway, if you decide to look up flea remedies for your friend, be sure to include info about salt, soapy water, white vinegar and emptying the vacuum cleaner bags away from the house and also treating their car for fleas. If you need more info on any of this, just message me  .

BTW, I don't blame you a bit for being cautious. That one round of fleas was enough to make me phobic for life  . If approached with kindness, a good friend will understand your concerns.


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi

Jill ... the first thing that stood out to me ... is that you shared this is a close friend of yours. We may have different definitions of what a close friend is ... but, to me, it means someone who is at the top of my friendship list. Perhaps even a best friend. With that ... I think real close friends are there for one another with love and support. And, I think sometimes if we see something that might do harm to our friends or loved ones ... that we need to speak up. Yes, I think it should be done in a loving way. But, sometimes it might have to be done in a loving and firm way.

Years ago, and before I was married, I lived in a big house with three other women. Unfortunately, one woman brought home a kitten and ended up neglecting the precious baby. Over night ... and, I mean overnight ... the whole house became flea infested. We didn't know what to do for the kitten because we were young and inexperienced. We tried to bathe the kitten ... over and over ... until we could get professional help, but, nothing worked. This was in the middle of the night. 

The very same night and early into the morning hours, while trying to help this flea infested kitten ... I started to get bitten all over from fleas jumping up from the carpeting. It got to the point that I started having difficulty breathing ... and, a friend took me to the ER. I was diagnosed with a severe reaction to flea bites. I was told by the doctor that I would have to be on medication and would not get better until the house was rid of the fleas.

The landlady had to have the house fumigated. The house had to be entirely covered before the fumigation bombs were set. In order to do this, we had to live in a hotel for four days ... it was that bad. And, when we were allowed back into the house ... I remember the unsettling smell from the fumigation process. And, the residue that it left on our clothes and everything else. It was terrible. Everything had to be cleaned.

So, it ended up being a serious medical issue for me, a kitten was put up for adoption because the young lady was kicked out of the house, there was a big expense for the landlady, and an inconvenience to all of us.

Needless to say, I have had personal experience with what happens when fleas get out of hand ... and, what fleas can to do humans and pets. And, so, if it were my friend, I would have to be upfront with her, in a nice, but firm way ... and, tell her the truth why I have been avoiding visiting her in her home. I know it is hard ... and, I know there will be those who probably think I am being too hard on her ... but, on the otherhand, I never want to be a part of enabling someone I hold dear ... to potentionally hurt themselves, and others, too. 

Bless you, Jill, for trying to do the best thing, in a kind way, to help your friend. I hope it works out for both of you.


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## Canada

Thank you Brenda, Maureen, & Christine for weighing in with sage advice. 
And thank you also Bridget for your tips as well.
Christine that is outrageous that the stranger you met has a shock collar on a dog, and a small JRT at that!
And poisoning the dogs in his care with beer is ridiculous!  

Marie, what an ordeal you and your roommates went through.
And the health worries with the allergic reaction.
I am grateful I have never had to go through a flea infestation.
I worry that my friend won't take all the necessary steps as you did.


I've brought it up different times with her.
When she first brought the kitten home, I made her up a gift bag with a bag of Acana for Cats, cat balls, mice toys, & booklets from the Vet on cat health issues & care.
I recommended a great Vet in her area.
I continue to ask about the kitten on a regular basis.

I may forward her some articles on the importance of vaccines, flea control, and general Vet care. And maybe I should send contact info for a few different Vets.


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