# My boyfriend hates my dog



## Madeleinesmommy (Nov 30, 2012)

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place right now. I really need some advice or insight on this situation.

I've been dating my boyfriend for 7 years. We both still live at home with our parents because we are both in college. My mom finally let me get a dog when I was 20 after a lifetime of begging for one. I had been with my boyfriend for 3 years at that point. My boyfriend told me that he didn't like dogs but I never really took it seriously because he's never spent more than a short period of time around a dog.

I ended up getting Madeleine my beloved baby girl. At first he did good with her because she was so tiny and she was really playful. So he'd play with her at first. After she starting growing and began housebreaking and began her barking he no longer wanted to be around her. Within the next 1.5 years we got 2 more dogs a eskimo/poodle and a maltipoo because my family wanted to add more dogs so they could be playmates.

All 3 dogs are super friendly and fun to be around. They are all well-behaved except for their yappy barking and hyperness. We've never had any issues with their personalities and they are welcoming of strangers.

Anyways as graduation is getting closer and closer my boyfriend and I have talked about moving together after I graduate because he is continuing his education and wants to get his Ph.D. Now hear comes the tricky part he doesn't know if he could handle living with Madeleine. He's undecided.

I've already told him that leaving her with my family is not going to happen. There is NO WAY in this entire world that I am giving her up. I'd rather him leave me than lose her. I understand he doesn't like dogs but I think it's awful that he thinks that I can just leave her. I've had her since she was 8 weeks old and she really is the light of my life. I can't even put into words how much I love her.

I don't know what to do. Is there some way for me to get them to bond? Or is this a lost cause?

His major issues with the whole living with her thing is..
1. Her barking
2. He thinks that dogs will smell the apartment up even though I keep her well groomed and clean.
3. He is worried that she'll ruin things even though she has done anything destructive since she was teething like almost 4 years ago.

So it's not about her personality.

Also I have reservations because there is no way that I could tolerate him being mean to her or giving a negative energy that he dislikes her. He has never done anything mean to her but he doe give a vibe out and I'm sure she picks up on it. I can't have her move and lose her doggy brother and sister to a place where she doesn't feel welcome.


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## maltese manica (Nov 6, 2012)

I dont know what to say for you to do............................. but if it was me in your shoes I would dump him so fast I dont think he would know what hit him. You cant force someone to love an animal if they dont like them they dont like them. Have you given him an ultimatium??????? Has he tried to spend time with her one on one???? Does he know how you feel??? what has he suggested????


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## shellbeme (Mar 1, 2011)

As someone who is living with a husband that really does not like my parrot I can tell you it is NOT easy or pleasant. You need to decide now if you can go the rest of your life with this person and not have any dogs. If the answer is no, then you know what you need to do. Do not put a pet in a situation where your other half can't stand them, it is completely not fair to the pet. For me, I couldn't be without a dog.


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## babycake7 (Jan 30, 2012)

Wow...that's really a difficult situation to be in. Thankfully, my husband loves animals so I can't imagine living with someone who doesnt like animals, especially dogs. I think that its like anything else in a long term realtionship...kids, how you will raise them, religious and cultural differences, money, etc...if you are not on the same page, its not going to work. If you love your dog and he does not, if you can't imagine living your life without a pet in it and he is not interested in having a pet, in the big picture, its going to cause tension and stress in your relationship that will create problems. My advice is to know what you want from life and how you want to live your life and then find the right partner that works with what you want and what your goals are. Don't change what you want to make someone else happy. But that's just my two cents...

Good luck!


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## angel's mom (Feb 14, 2007)

Look at the pros & cons of each.... man - oh my! what a long list that can be. Dog... Yelp, dog wins.


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## Yogi's Mom (Jan 6, 2013)

*Really Hard for you i see that. All the above advice is something for you to think about. Iam sorry this is about a maltese and Thank God NOT A CHILD!!!*
*God Bless You--Nickee In Pa**


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## Madeleinesmommy (Nov 30, 2012)

Thank you all for your advice.

He's so wishy-washy with his feelings about it. Sometimes he's okay with it and sometimes he's not. He already knows my position on it. Sometimes he'll play with her or when we take her to the park he'll walk her around.

I don't know if it's a fear thing with him of what living with her could be like or if it's dislike or if it's jealousy. I think he gets jealous of her which is really strange.


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## DoctorCathyG (Jan 16, 2013)

I think it would be hard to find anyone on here that will say to give up your dog or to somehow have your dog not part of your family time with him. 

I think you can learn a lot about someone with how they treat animals. It gives you an idea of how he'll treat kids too. and kids are messier, dirtier, and louder. 

Good luck in your decision. 7 years is hard, but i've heard of longer relationships going down for less serious things. but if you wanted to hear someone say that you're not crazy for choosing your dog over your boyfriend---well, you'll have lots of people here saying that youre not crazy.


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## LoveLucy (Mar 18, 2012)

Some may think I'm overreacting, but I would actually suggest couples conseling. Sometimes differences like this can be indicators of difficulties in a relationship as a whole. The thing that really is an alert, in my opinion, is that he really isn't taking your feelings about it into account. I mean, he needs to understand that you LOVE your dog. Some people just can't "get" that concept. Without coming to some understanding, no matter which way you go (take the dog or not) there's going to be resentment. I think it's a big enough issue that some couples counseling about it would be in order before you move in together. I can just close my eyes and imagine the arguments that will be caused by this. I think you want to avoid that.


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

None of us want to tell you what to do , we're just offering opinions, only you can decide what you want to put up with for the next 30 years....but you're young, just starting out in life. Sounds like you haven't dated much or been with one guy a long time,need to get out and meet people before you fixate on just one to settle down with...Sounds like a guy who cares more about his wants and needs over others...Sounds like he cares more about possessions more than others too... 


Sorry but I'd say dump him, too controlling already.

Gotta worry about someone who doesn't like dogs.. how will he feel about a baby in a couple years...they cry , they stink up the house and ruin things? 
Not to mention they tie you down, can't go out and leave a baby asleep in the bed like you can the dog...

One thing I know is a dog loves you no matter the choices...

Men come and go, there's Mr. Right and Mr. Right Now... sounds like you're with Mr. Right Now...

Take it from a lady who didn't date much either, but instead saw the world, experienced different cultures, traveled and then waited until Mr. Right came along... and he did ,30 years and counting now...and he loves dogs actually all animals..dogs are just his favourite... 

Good thing I traveled overseas before we married, my husband is afraid of foreign travel...so you don't have to agree on everything but certain things are biggies....and pets are biggies, they're a living being... Once you plan to live together, your dog will feel unloved and unwanted and that's not fair to the dog, you or even the boyfriend...

I noticed you call her your "beloved" not calling the boyfriend that... maybe you have your answer... What do your folks think?


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## spookiesmom (Mar 28, 2010)

I've been married 40 plus years. For all of them DH has been jealous of the attention my dogs get. It's made for a very strained life.

You know this now, ask yourself if this is the way you want your life to be? You really know the answer or you wouldn't be here asking.

Love me, love my dog truely applies here.


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## Emmayui (May 1, 2012)

How about attanding training classes together? If Madeleine can bark less, it would be much easier and smoother things will be..I think.
My husband and I are a little bit older than you, I assume. My husband is still in school too. After masters degree, we moved to NYC for his law school. He was never a dog person, and was very indifferent about these furry little creatures. Getting a dog was entirely my wish, but he fell in love with dogs a bit by bit, and now he's total maltese lover. 

He told me once that he bonded with our dog deeply, when he was in charge of everything, while I was away for 2 weeks.
I hope my story can help you a little bit.


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## pippersmom (May 21, 2012)

Madeleinesmommy said:


> Thank you all for your advice.
> 
> He's so wishy-washy with his feelings about it. Sometimes he's okay with it and sometimes he's not. He already knows my position on it. Sometimes he'll play with her or when we take her to the park he'll walk her around.
> 
> I don't know if it's a fear thing with him of what living with her could be like or if it's dislike or if it's jealousy. I think he gets jealous of her which is really strange.


If he gets jealous of your dog, thats not a good thing. If you have children with him, a baby needs your undivided attention 24/7. How would he deal with that?


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## Daisy's Mommie (Sep 24, 2012)

Relationships are not supposed to be one-sided. One person is not supposed to tell the other what they can and cannot have/do. Right now, a friend of my hubby's has started dating a lady who is making him sell his dirt racing cars and equipment. She doesn't like racing so she is telling him that if he wants to be with her, then the racing goes! This guy has raced since he was a very young man and he loved it--not to mention he has a fortune tied up in it. I predict that he will sell it all, she will be happy, he will start resenting her, he will tell her to get lost and he will be watching the racing from the spectator stands. Just like your boyfriend..I'm sure that you would never tell him that he couldn't do what he loved doing just because you didn't like it. When my husband and I married, I had 1 dog. We now have 3 dogs and 5 cats. I can't help it--I can't stand to see any furchild go hungry or not have a furever home. He's not thrilled about the cats, but he loves me and he knows how important they are to me. I think that you should tell your boyfriend--love me-love my dog. It's that simple. Besides, I think that someone who don't love furbabies has a personality glitch!!


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## Madeleinesmommy (Nov 30, 2012)

I think a major issue is that currently we have 3 dogs in the house and that is overwhelming to him. But he isn't looking at the big picture that it'll just be me,him,and Madeleine, not us plus 3 dogs.

I do like the idea of going to couple's counseling or a training classes. I'll have to bring those ideas up. I just want to make sure I've tried everything first. I think if he actually spent one on one time with her that he would feel differently or at least we'll both know he made an effort.

I've brought up the children argument as well. Kids cry, poop, pee, bring germs in the house, and cost alot more than a dog does. He says that he wants children and I can't make comparsions between having a dog and having a child because it's different. He just doesn't understand how I can compare her to child. He thinks I'm crazy. 

Besides the whole dog thing we don't really argue about much else and we are in sync about life plans and whatnot.

It just is insane that everyone else in the world loves her and wants to be around her except him.


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## eiksaa (Jun 8, 2012)

I guess I'll give you a different opinion. I know a guy who I've been friends with for about 10yrs and he doesn't like dogs. When he comes over to our place he only about tolerates Gustave, but hey, he respects that he's the guest. Now he's married to my best friend who adores dogs. She has always wanted one, but she wanted to be with him more than she wanted a dog, and she made that choice. 

I can tell you with full confidence that there's nothing wrong with the guy. He's great with kids. As much as I love dogs I don't judge people for not feeling the same. There are all kinds of people in the world. There are some people who don't love kids and don't want kids, doesn't mean there's something wrong with them. 

As for your situation, you have always known how he feels. This is no surprise. Unfortunately, you do have to make a choice now. And I really don't think it's his 'fault'. He has always told you the truth. You got the dog after 3 years of the relationship, knowing you will probably end up in this situation. Sadly, men seldom change. 

Good luck with whatever you end up doing. 


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## maltese#1fan (Feb 20, 2012)

michellerobison said:


> None of us want to tell you what to do , we're just offering opinions, only you can decide what you want to put up with for the next 30 years....but you're young, just starting out in life. Sounds like you haven't dated much or been with one guy a long time,need to get out and meet people before you fixate on just one to settle down with...Sounds like a guy who cares more about his wants and needs over others...Sounds like he cares more about possessions more than others too...
> 
> 
> Sorry but I'd say dump him, too controlling already.
> ...


:goodpost: This is an excellent post and gives you a lot to think about.


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## Fluffdoll (Aug 9, 2012)

This must be very hard for you. I agree with everyone else. If it were me and I saw there was no chance of him getting along with my dogs, I would leave him in a heart beat. I'm a dog person and I couldn't live with someone who isn't. But look, my parents were never dog people, they had dogs before mine but they lived outdoors. Somehow they accepted my first dog Dolce living inside because he is so small and well behaved, that lead to getting Kelly and they LOVE her now. Maybe he could warm up to her after spending one on one time. Also try telling him how you feel, and remember if he doesn't agree with your way of thinking now, it could lead to worse disagreements in the future. Can you really picture the rest of your life without dogs, or without your current boyfriend? This is a very personal decision that 
nobody else can take for you. Don't make it quickly either, take time to think about things. I hope this helps!


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

I don't think you should break off with your boyfriend because he doesn't like your dog, I think you should break up with him because you have a very major difference in values. It is an "irreconcilable difference." That is grounds for divorce.

In marriage the most important thing is that you have the same values and attitudes about the important things...money, housekeeping, work ethic, generosity to others, etc. His attitude towards dogs is different than yours, but I think if you really look at it, it is not only about dogs.

You said that you have _always_ wanted a dog. You are probably a warm loving person while he sounds cold, calculating, controlling and ambitious.

My DH never had a dog of his own. As a child they always had a family dog...a big dog, but as an adult he never even thought about getting a dog. He had cats with his first wife. When we met I had a cocker spaniel who had some serious behavior issues, but DH always tolerated him. After we were together I wanted another dog. We got a bichon. One day Alan said to me, "I never knew I could love a dog so much." I will never forget that. I gave my darling something wonderful that he never even knew he wanted.


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

LoveLucy said:


> Some may think I'm overreacting, but I would actually suggest couples conseling. Sometimes differences like this can be indicators of difficulties in a relationship as a whole. The thing that really is an alert, in my opinion, is that he really isn't taking your feelings about it into account. I mean, he needs to understand that you LOVE your dog. Some people just can't "get" that concept. Without coming to some understanding, no matter which way you go (take the dog or not) there's going to be resentment. I think it's a big enough issue that some couples counseling about it would be in order before you move in together. I can just close my eyes and imagine the arguments that will be caused by this. I think you want to avoid that.


:goodpost:
Lots of good advice here. I would NOT say there is something wrong w/him but he clearly doesn't like dogs. How would it be if you had to go away for a while & he had care of your baby? Would you be comfy w/that? 
Counseling from someone neutral can surface things you may not be arguing about now too. 
Personally staying in a relationship like this would be violating my own person & I could or would not do it. It is your life and you live w/your own choices---hard, but true. Good luck.


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

babycake7 said:


> Wow...that's really a difficult situation to be in. Thankfully, my husband loves animals so I can't imagine living with someone who doesnt like animals, especially dogs. I think that its like anything else in a long term realtionship...kids, how you will raise them, religious and cultural differences, money, etc...if you are not on the same page, its not going to work. If you love your dog and he does not, if you can't imagine living your life without a pet in it and he is not interested in having a pet, in the big picture, its going to cause tension and stress in your relationship that will create problems. My advice is to know what you want from life and how you want to live your life and then find the right partner that works with what you want and what your goals are. Don't change what you want to make someone else happy. But that's just my two cents...
> 
> Good luck!


I could not have said it any better than what Hope has shared with you.

And, also I would not change what you want to make someone else happy ... because you can't change the other person.


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## nwyant1946 (Jan 2, 2013)

*I met my husband almost 8 years ago (we've been married 2 years this past New Year's Day)on Match.com. He knew from the start that my three cats and I were a package deal. How did I know he was the one? I caught him out of the corner of my eye sharing ice cream off of his spoon with Winston, our little boy cat. He didn't even think twice about eating off the same spoon.*

*We have had our Maltese for almost a month now...I adopted her from my next door neighbor who couldn't care for her. Mr. "No dogs in the house", has fallen in love with her. He's a truck driver and insists that we Skype a few times a week so she can see him..LOL He got her a special pillow to sleep on the bed with us. He's turned into Doggie Daddy.*

*If your boyfriend knew from the start that you and Madeleine were a package deal, he has no right to try and change that now. My husband wouldn't have made it to the second date if I saw he didn't like the cats. *

*I can tell you love that little dog, so you need to decide if you are willing to give her to your parents or give him up. Maybe if he knows your serious he might make an effort to get to know her a bit better. Other than that, none of us on here can tell you what to do. But, I think that your relationship probably won't survive if you have to leave her with your parents because you will resent him and if she lives with you it will affect her with his negative energy. You will be miserable if he doesn't make any effort.*


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## jenna123 (Aug 13, 2012)

maltese manica said:


> I dont know what to say for you to do............................. but if it was me in your shoes I would dump him so fast I dont think he would know what hit him. You cant force someone to love an animal if they dont like them they dont like them. Have you given him an ultimatium??????? Has he tried to spend time with her one on one???? Does he know how you feel??? what has he suggested????



:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:


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## jenna123 (Aug 13, 2012)

It's not like she's barking constantly, they bark cause they want your attention or need something. It's not that bad.... It's like telling a human being to not talk or yell :HistericalSmiley:


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## IvysMom (Dec 24, 2012)

Oh my gosh, I am in such a hurry to respond to this that I didn't even finish reading everyone else's responses first.


PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE RUN, don't walk, away from this guy IMMEDIATELY!! I have two 18 year old daughters and I am going to tell you exactly what I would tell them if they were in your situation. I'm not going to try to give you any hope of encouragement. I have been there. I have done that. It was one of the most painful, difficult situations of my life and absolutely horrible.

He will NOT get better, he will only get worse. This is a personality trait that is a lot more complex than him not liking dogs. It has to do with him wanting to control what YOU want and what YOU will or won't have in your life. Counseling will NOT help and an honest counselor will tell you that. This personality characteristic is deeply engrained in men who have it.

I lived with a guy like this for 7 (coincidental - maybe that's when things start coming to a head) years (friends for 10). We did the couples counseling for a couple years. But it was only getting worse and worse. It became his sole focus, to separate me from my animals. It had nothing to do with him not liking animals (actually, he was ok with animals), it was all about controlling ME. 

Men with this personality type feel better about themselves if they can control the woman in their life. First he will want to keep you from your fluff, then your friends, then your family. Yes, he IS jealous of your dog and wants your entire world to revolve solely around him. 

RUN! End it with him now and consider it a life lesson learned. Your years with him were not wasted, it brought you to where you are today. After I ended my relationship, I vowed to never even date a man who didn't already have animals of his own who he loved. Our 20th wedding anniversary is in a couple weeks. :biggrin:

Please come back here to let us know how you are doing. I know everyone here is happy to support you however we can.


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## IvysMom (Dec 24, 2012)

spookiesmom said:


> I've been married 40 plus years. For all of them DH has been jealous of the attention my dogs get. It's made for a very strained life.
> 
> You know this now, ask yourself if this is the way you want your life to be? You really know the answer or you wouldn't be here asking.
> 
> Love me, love my dog truely applies here.


 
Barb, my sympathies to you. Hugs.


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## IvysMom (Dec 24, 2012)

michellerobison said:


> Men come and go, there's Mr. Right and Mr. Right Now... sounds like you're with Mr. Right Now...


REALLY like that. I'm going to put that in my memory banks in case I need to use it with my own daughters some day.


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## Malt Shoppe (Jul 20, 2011)

IvysMom said:


> Oh my gosh, I am in such a hurry to respond to this that I didn't even finish reading everyone else's responses first.
> 
> 
> PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE RUN, don't walk, away from this guy IMMEDIATELY!! I have two 18 year old daughters and I am going to tell you exactly what I would tell them if they were in your situation. I'm not going to try to give you any hope of encouragement. I have been there. I have done that. It was one of the most painful, difficult situations of my life and absolutely horrible.
> ...


Ivy is totally RIGHT - read her story again, pay attention. This guy is testing you to see if he can control you - if you succumb, it will only get worse.
I too was married to a controller, dislikin dogs - I am well versed in the experience.

This would only get worse after you marry; it is pretty much guaranteed, you will be miserable. Keep your precious dog - give yourself another chance at true happiness - go to training with Maddy; you just might meet Mr. Right there......dump this controller.


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## StevieB (Feb 2, 2012)

I would just say you and the dog are a package deal. If he is trying to make you let her go to be with him, well that says a lot about him. He doesn't have to love the dog, but she is part of you so part of the package. I can see how incessant barking and hyper behavior and other doggie things would bother someone who is not a dog lover, and certainly those things don't bother you as much because you are bonded with your dog. He is not, so he's only seeing the negative. But truly, if you have concerns that he will be mean to her or not care for her when you're not around, then I think you have questions about him as a person, deep down inside, that maybe you're not willing to admit on the surface. Just the fact that you're on here asking about it speaks volumes IMHO. Why do you have to live together? Just continue to date then if he really loves you, he'll marry you, dogs and all! I agree with others this seems a little controlling, to ask you to move in with him AND give up your beloved dog. What's in it for you I ask? What is he going to expect you to give up in the future? Just food for thought.


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## LJSquishy (Feb 27, 2008)

That is a really tough situation to be in. You love your boyfriend, and you love your dog. I think you have a responsibility to care for your dog -- preferably with you, but I personally do not see a problem leaving her behind with your parents if they are willing to accept responsibility. I know you said you want to take her with you if you move...but it is an option if you decide not to.

I can see where both you and your boyfriend are coming from. I desperately love my pets and would fight hard to take them with me. On the other hand, I absolutely dislike (a LOT) cats and if I were dating someone that insisted they bring their cat along, I would not move in with them. I feel like you've been together for so long that this sort of thing should have been worked out years ago. If he sometimes plays with her, etc, I bet everything will work out fine and he will accept her, but in the event he refuses, you have to decide what you will do.

I would suggest taking the dog to some form of obedience classes and have your boyfriend go with you so he can learn that bad behaviors (barking) can be stopped, and that dogs are capable of learning good behaviors. I think it will help him be more involved and understand what it's like to have a dog before actually having to commit to it 100%.


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## lmillette (Apr 23, 2012)

I'm with everyone else on here that it may be time to really evaluate your relationship. My husband and I met and bonded over our dogs and that is what aided in our relationship blossoming. I couldn't ever not have a dog, so I would personally have to tell your boy to take a hike if he was my boyfriend. Your little girl may have a really hard time leaving her buddies so I wouldn't think it's a bad idea for her to stay at your parents with her friends, but I don't think I could leave her but if you did leave her the issue still isn't solved because then it comes down to, could you remain dogless for the rest of your life because of your relationship. I know I couldn't. I think you have a pretty good idea of what you need to do in this situation, spell it out to your boyfriend that if he can’t accept your dog living with you both and treat her with respect then it is pointless to continue the relationship. Good luck!


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## pammy4501 (Aug 8, 2007)

This is just an observation on my part. How men treat dogs is how they will treat kids. If they are loving and patient vs. standoffish or mean pay attention. In all honesty, people do take a high road to animals. And I love my dogs. My husband is not jealous of my attention to the dogs, as he wasn't jealous of my attention to our children. He isn't as "into" the dogs as I am, although I know he is fond of them. And this is how he was as a father as well. He was loving, but not as involved in rearing duties as was I. He was a good father and he is a good dog daddy. If you are planning on wanting children with this man, pay attention to how he is with dogs.


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## eiksaa (Jun 8, 2012)

I feel bad for the poor guy. I don't know why we're making him into a monster for not liking dogs. 

He just doesn't like dogs. Doesn't mean he's cold or cruel or manipulative or any of those things. I don't know how this spiraled out of control so fast. 

He's not making you give up anything. You didn't have a dog when you guys started dating. It sounds like he did try to bond with your dog too. He's just not a dog person. And yes, you do need to decide if you are OK with that. 

It's not an easy decision. But I do feel we are exaggerating how evil this guy is. 


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## pammy4501 (Aug 8, 2007)

Yes, he isn't into dogs. And I am not saying he is evil. Just saying in my life, I have seen a corelation between the realtionship with animals and children. Not everyone should have a dog, and not everyone should have kids. They can still be a wonderful person in manyh other respects. But if children are part of your life plan, watch out for the guys that can't handle dogs.


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## Maglily (Feb 3, 2009)

just some suggestions.....another option is to just graduate and continue on as things are now. you might wait until after his phd or another time....until he decides whether or not he would like the arrangement of living with you and Madeliene.

I think I would let him take care of his own living arrangements while he's doing his phd at least for a while.

I think after 7 years he should be familiar with her to decide if he thinks he would like that or not.
I compared the situation to a single mother too, if someone says they don't want to be a father then I wouldn't try out a situation to see if they really meant it. What he says should tell. And that just means you are not on the same page with some of your interests and you can decide how important that is.

I have 2 people who I have as dog sitters for Jodi, one loves him and one is not a dog person at all and doesn't really get the dog thing...I really feel most comfortable leaving him with the one who "gets" him and it is very comforting knowing he's well taken care of while I'm away. With the other person I know that he is cared for but it's not the same. I want him to be loved by whoever is taking care of him, not indifferent to his feelings.

and I agree with some of the others too, just because he doesn't like dogs doesn't make him a bad person. My parent's don't want their own pets, rarely pet or pick up Jodi but they do enjoy him and his visits. They just don't want their own pets.


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

IvysMom said:


> REALLY like that. I'm going to put that in my memory banks in case I need to use it with my own daughters some day.


I've told my friends that for years, from high school to college to marriage and older...kinda fits any age.

Mr.Right Now-- is someone you're not sure of but are exploring to see if he is the guy....or you're finding out you can't see spending your life with but can't quite break it off ... or the guy you meet after a bad relationship, you need but not sure you want to jump into anything straight away...B)


Mr. Right-- is the one who makes you feel complete and together you can build a life, not you building one for him, or him building it for you...The one you can't imagine living without... the one that still gives you the "butterflies",even after 30 years with a hug.. or just a brush of his hand on yours....:wub:


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## eiksaa (Jun 8, 2012)

pammy4501 said:


> Yes, he isn't into dogs. And I am not saying he is evil. Just saying in my life, I have seen a corelation between the realtionship with animals and children. Not everyone should have a dog, and not everyone should have kids. They can still be a wonderful person in manyh other respects. But if children are part of your life plan, watch out for the guys that can't handle dogs.


I agree with you. If someone treated dogs badly, I would never trust that person around kids. This guy sounds like he actually tried but still couldn't get into it. 

Also, wasn't referencing your post. I think your POV is very reasonable. 


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

I don't think he's a bad person, we all evolve, change, grow emotionally as we get older...
Just make sure you it's what you want,divorce is hard on everyone especially kids... Don't want to find out too late...
You're not out of college yet, haven't been on your own, give it time, live on your own, do things, go places... learn things you won't learn in college... 

If he's Mr. Right ,he will be "Mr.Right There" when you're and he are ready. Sounds like both of you need to be out on your own for a while...

Not saying high school sweethearts don't work out or marrying before you leave on your own,but the world is a different place from when I was young. Most people I know married highschool sweethearts, 1/3 of them are still together..

Mr.Right Now isn't the person you end up with but the person who started you on a journey or guided you to that final place where you find yourself.


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## pammy4501 (Aug 8, 2007)

eiksaa said:


> I agree with you. If someone treated dogs badly, I would never trust that person around kids. This guy sounds like he actually tried but still couldn't get into it.
> 
> Also, wasn't referencing your post. I think your POV is very reasonable.
> 
> ...


 Oh, I didn't think you were referencing me. I just didn't want to jump on the" he's a terrible person" bandwagon. It's a tough decision for her. Just points to ponder.


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## babycake7 (Jan 30, 2012)

pammy4501 said:


> Yes, he isn't into dogs. And I am not saying he is evil. Just saying in my life, I have seen a corelation between the realtionship with animals and children. Not everyone should have a dog, and not everyone should have kids. They can still be a wonderful person in manyh other respects. But if children are part of your life plan, watch out for the guys that can't handle dogs.


 
I agree! Also, another thing I wanted to point out beyond the day-to-day whether he can live in a home or not with your dog issue is....money! If you decide to continue with the relationship and you end up living together, how is he going to feel about the cost, both fixed and unexpected, that being a responsible pet owner brings?? I know personally some people that I talk to are SHOCKED when they realize how much money I spend on Bella...high quality dog food, grooming,vet care and of course, all the little fun stuff that just gives me pleasure to provide for her. Some of people have told me flat out that I am stupid or crazy for spending that much on a dog. How is your boyfriend going to feel and god forbid, what if there is a MAJOR expense related to your fluff's health? You need to make sure you both are on the same page about how much and what you are willing to sacrifice to ensure the health and well-being of your dog. If not, the money part of pet ownership could potentially cause huge issues in your relationship. You need to consider all of it, including the money part, very seriously.


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## maltese manica (Nov 6, 2012)

Its like that movie MUST LOVE DOGS


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

Really sad, everyone in my wedding party, best man, maid of honour, bridesmaids and so on that were married just before or after us...are all divorced...

Wow,I just thought about that... they didn't like dogs either...wow


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## Belle-K (Sep 19, 2012)

All I can say is WOW!! Like honestly! I could see if it were a great dane, mastiff or a highly energetic dog such as a hunting breed. But really?! A little fluff ball?? I've had dogs all my life and Belle is the easiest dog I've ever had to care for, she's a joy to have. This will be a big decision for you! Are you sure your little fluff is the route of the problem? Sounds to me like there could be an underlying reason? Is he sure about taking the next step to move in???

P.S. My best friend and her fiance moved in together, she has a Siberian husky (that sheds like CRAZY!!!) her fiance has never owned a dog in his life & is not a huge dog fan. He was a bit unsure at first however it did not persuade him to think or ask about not having the dog...he knew she came with the dog...


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## eiksaa (Jun 8, 2012)

babycake7 said:


> I agree! Also, another thing I wanted to point out beyond the day-to-day whether he can live in a home or not with your dog issue is....money! If you decide to continue with the relationship and you end up living together, how is he going to feel about the cost, both fixed and unexpected, that being a responsible pet owner brings?? I know personally some people that I talk to are SHOCKED when they realize how much money I spend on Bella...high quality dog food, grooming,vet care and of course, all the little fun stuff that just gives me pleasure to provide for her. Some of people have told me flat out that I am stupid or crazy for spending that much on a dog. How is your boyfriend going to feel and god forbid, what if there is a MAJOR expense related to your fluff's health? You need to make sure you both are on the same page about how much and what you are willing to sacrifice to ensure the health and well-being of your dog. If not, the money part of pet ownership could potentially cause huge issues in your relationship. You need to consider all of it, including the money part, very seriously.


Great post! Money is a big one. I'm really good at spending while my husband is good at saving. He never buys anything but if I consult him before I buy anything he knocks some sense into me so I make a better decision. 

However when he comes to Gustave he knows how I feel and says, "Anything for him". I don't think we could have a harmonious life if we didn't agree on how and when to spend on him. 


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

pammy4501 said:


> This is just an observation on my part. How men treat dogs is how they will treat kids. If they are loving and patient vs. standoffish or mean pay attention. In all honesty, people do take a high road to animals. And I love my dogs. My husband is not jealous of my attention to the dogs, as he wasn't jealous of my attention to our children. He isn't as "into" the dogs as I am, although I know he is fond of them. And this is how he was as a father as well. He was loving, but not as involved in rearing duties as was I. He was a good father and he is a good dog daddy. If you are planning on wanting children with this man, pay attention to how he is with dogs.


Oh, yes!!! Excellent advice!!! 

My other thought is how your boyfriend might treat your dog when you are not there. My ex ... of many, many years ago, was so abusive. He was jealous of our dog, Jecky. Jecky would listen to me ... but, not to my ex. So, then my ex would take a shoe or something else and hit the poor dog. He couldn't understand why Jecky would come to me ... but, not to him. Duh. 

The ultimate meaness my ex did to me and Jecky was come home one day ... and, he took Jecky away. I will never to this day remember the look in that sweet doggies eyes ... he knew he was being taken away from me. This was over forty five years ago ... and, I still feel the sadness of what this mean person did. I can't even call him a man ... he was an abusive bully. He was so abusive ... not only to Jecky, but, to me, too.

So, I totally agree with Pam. How a person treats a dog is how one will usually treat a human, too.


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## maltese manica (Nov 6, 2012)

Snowball Pie's Mommi said:


> Oh, yes!!! Excellent advice!!!
> 
> My other thought is how your boyfriend might treat your dog when you are not there. My ex ... of many, many years ago, was so abusive. He was jealous of our dog, Jecky. Jecky would listen to me ... but, not to my ex. So, then my ex would take a shoe or something else and hit the poor dog. He couldn't understand why Jecky would come to me ... but, not to him. Duh.
> 
> ...


I almost threw up reading this!!!!! was this looser abusing you to??? I am so sorry but I feel so sad about Jecky......................... I could never have dealt with that!!!! Oh gosh I am sorry........... :crying:


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## maltese manica (Nov 6, 2012)

It would be great to get some of the Doggy Daddy's that are here on SM for their feedback on this!!!


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## Grace'sMom (Feb 22, 2012)

So this is getting to be a popular thread fast....

And I don't want to throw your boyfriend under the bus.... I know how hard that can be.

I will say this:

I had a friend come to me awhile back, she was wondering if she and her husband were ready to have children. I told her to get a dog. That they should go pick a dog out together as a couple and then if they could successfully raise a dog, they would be ready for a kid.

Raising a creature together takes compromise and patience. It takes a lot of give and take and learning to let go of control all the time. It's very similar to raising a child, but I will say raising a dog is easier. If you mess up a dog, well you live with it... but only you live with the dog. If you mess up a kid the kid eventually goes out into the world and then the world has to live with what you created LOL

Well, it's been 4 years and my friend and her DH now have 2 dogs, and they are now finally ready to start having kids. But she told me it took a good 18 months for them to find their "groove" it was quite a challenge for them. She saw his "parenting" style, and she saw her own. There were moments when things did not go so well and they both got very upset with the other for how they did something. There was actually a mini separation of a few weeks - because it is hard to learn to take care of something else besides yourself with another person. But they are stronger now and it taught them to communicate and where they needed to work together, etc.

I do agree that how people treat animals speaks greatly about the person they are. Even if they choose not to have an animal themselves, they should be a person who treats animals with respect and kindness.

An animal *is* like a child - in the way of being helpless and dependent on the people around them to keep them safe and provide them with all of their basic and not so basic needs.

If a person cannot do that or is not willing to do that - they are not ready to embark on a path with another person let alone even talk about having children.

Someone in my life called it their "selfish" phase. They only wanted time for themselves and didn't want to have to care for anything else or make any other compromises. Which is fine... Glad that person was able to label and see they were in that phase.

Some move out of it sooner than others, some go deeper into it than others.... But I think your boyfriend is not at the same level you are at right now.

You are wanting to nurture and create relationships with other people and animals. He seems not to be.... At least from the little I read about him. That doesn't make him a bad person. It just makes him in a different space in life right now.

Moving in probably won't be a good idea. But that is a decision you have to make. If you move in with him, though, right now in the space he is in and the space you are in.... I have a feeling you will be on constant alert... making sure your "baby" isn't feeling shunned or unloved. That he isn't mean or uncaring to her.

Because it's like a child... dogs know when someone isn't friendly or doesn't like them. And so your dog will bark at him and continue with unwanted behaviors because she will feel threatened. Then you will feel like you need to defend her... and it just won't be good.

I'd think about where you two are.

7 years is a long time, but it sounds like you both were very young when you started seeing each other. People grow, people change. ESPECIALLY at the age you are right now. This is the time people begin to figure out who they are.... maybe you two are going in different directions....

Therapy might be a good option.... Even if just to talk about where you are now and where you both want to go... 

Sorry for the ramble :blush:


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

I just told my DH your story and he said "tell her to lose this guy!":aktion033::aktion033::aktion033:


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## Madeleinesmommy (Nov 30, 2012)

I will come back on later and hopefully be able to leave a bigger response.

He knows how much money I spend on her and besides me buying yet another toy or dress he doesn't comment on it. Just that she is spoiled B). I just had to spend around $500 in the past month because of a health issue that was going on. 

I really think he has OCD or something after thinking about it because most of his concerns about her are based on cleanliness. A big thing is that I allow her on the bed and she sleeps with me. He doesn't understand why I do that and thinks it's disgusting. But before I got Maddie I never understood the whole letting a dog sleep in your bed thing.

It's actually funny when I'm telling someone like a co-worker or classmate about how my boyfriend doesn't want to live with me because of my dog, they are always expecting to tell them I have a massive dog that is agressive then I show them a picture and they laugh.

We don't really have any issues besides this. I've told him if this a dealbreak for you then it is a dealbreaker. And I think I said exactly the " we come in package deal " thing.

I'm going to have a serious conversation about this tonight because I cannot take this anymore. He needs to make some kind of effort or walk away.


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

If he doesn't feel he can live with your dog and he isn't even living with you yet...not a good start...


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## Furbabies mom (Jul 25, 2011)

pammy4501 said:


> This is just an observation on my part. How men treat dogs is how they will treat kids. If they are loving and patient vs. standoffish or mean pay attention. In all honesty, people do take a high road to animals. And I love my dogs. My husband is not jealous of my attention to the dogs, as he wasn't jealous of my attention to our children. He isn't as "into" the dogs as I am, although I know he is fond of them. And this is how he was as a father as well. He was loving, but not as involved in rearing duties as was I. He was a good father and he is a good dog daddy. If you are planning on wanting children with this man, pay attention to how he is with dogs.


My DH sounds exactly like your husband Pam. However the older be gets, the more he enjoys our dogs. I could not spend my life with someone who resented my dogs. They don't have to be as crazy about them, as I am, but they can!t expect me to give them away. I don't have an issue with sports on the TV every weekend, and DH has no issue with 2 or 3 dogs in his lap during a game!!!


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

My Al called on his break, he said same thing... talk first, if it can't work,walk away, don't be angry and dump, but walk away in a calm and mature manner so you won't feel like you haven't done your part...

He even commented on you calling your dog "beloved", but not the boyfriend...

Al wasn't a huge dog person, they had dogs as kids, hunting dogs and he liked them. He got Max a week before we got married... and I would come over and take care of him while he was at work, until we got married. We didn't live together first but I was pretty sure he was going to be a great doggie daddy...

Al eventually went from liking dogs to absolutely loving them. You gotta like them first though...

Al's folks liked dogs and loved playing with ours but weren't dog in the bed people...now they are.

My folks got a dog when they first got married, since they couldn't have kids,but not real attached to them, it was one of those things, everyone else has one, so that's what we're supposed to do... .They adopted kids and we had a few more dogs over the years but sadly the folks really treated us with the same arms distance they did the dogs...same thing, everyone has kids, so we're supposed to...

Come to find out my dad tolerated a dog for my mom and tolerated dogs and kids for my mom... found that out when he tried to kick my dogs for barking...

No set formula on what to do or not.

So what I'm saying is, if they have to tolerate something they don't like, not good either...

If you're not feeling happy about it now, will it change? Do you want to feel this way for 30 years...
I watched my parents miserable marriage of tolerance and unhappiness and unfulfilled dreams... I learned life is short and to make sure I'm doing what makes me happy and hopefully someone else will love me and we'll build our happiness together on love, respect... not tolerating because you think you have to..

Sounds pretty heavy ..dating and a dog, but life is that way...each little decision effects the next and exponentially the next.


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## babycake7 (Jan 30, 2012)

Snowball Pie's Mommi said:


> Oh, yes!!! Excellent advice!!!
> 
> My other thought is how your boyfriend might treat your dog when you are not there. My ex ... of many, many years ago, was so abusive. He was jealous of our dog, Jecky. Jecky would listen to me ... but, not to my ex. So, then my ex would take a shoe or something else and hit the poor dog. He couldn't understand why Jecky would come to me ... but, not to him. Duh.
> 
> ...


 
Reading this totally broke my heart! I am so sorry that you went through this. I can't even image how horrible it must have been to have someone take away your dog. :smcry:


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## Furbabies mom (Jul 25, 2011)

babycake7 said:


> Reading this totally broke my heart! I am so sorry that you went through this. I can't even image how horrible it must have been to have someone take away your dog. :smcry:


I would of probably gone crazy!! I'm sorry Marie.


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## MalteseJane (Nov 21, 2004)

pammy4501 said:


> This is just an observation on my part. How men treat dogs is how they will treat kids. If they are loving and patient vs. standoffish or mean pay attention. In all honesty, people do take a high road to animals. And I love my dogs. My husband is not jealous of my attention to the dogs, as he wasn't jealous of my attention to our children. He isn't as "into" the dogs as I am, although I know he is fond of them. And this is how he was as a father as well. He was loving, but not as involved in rearing duties as was I. He was a good father and he is a good dog daddy. If you are planning on wanting children with this man, pay attention to how he is with dogs.


I agree. There is a saying : people who don't love animals, don't love people. He says now that he wants children. He cannot stand the barking of a dog, how on earth is he going to stand the crying and whining of a child ?? Compared to children, dogs are easy. He says you cannot compare a child to a dog. In a way he is right but not in his way of thinking. Children are way worse than a dog and you even cannot get rid of them.


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## Maidto2Maltese (Oct 19, 2004)

I am one of the 'old-gals' here and married for over 37 years. My husband loves animals of all kinds and especially dogs and cats...but wildlife etc as well. When I met him, I found this common trait we had ( amongst others of course) was something very important to me and felt it also reflected other 'basic' traits about him that I was seeking in a lifetime partner. 

That was not always so the case with boyfriends I "adored' when I was young. One guy was so good in so many ways but he truly didn't like animals. Not always 'dislike'... maybe disinterest a better word. An example.. we saw a turtle crossing in the middle of a road. I wanted him to stop so I could scoot it off to the side for it's safety. He wouldn't, saying that's part of nature etc) and it really was the 'wake-up' call for me. We broke up shortly after. He was handsome, ambitious ( in a good way) fun, etc but I KNEW his attitude toward animals would always be a conflict between us. 
On the other side of the 'page... I think it was last year, my hubby and I were headed home...once again involving a turtle near a farm with a pond.. there he was on the side of the road but ready to cross. It's a secondary road but heavily trafficked at 'commuter time' which was near. I didn't even have to 'ask" I just said oh dear that turtle is headed to cross the road... it's going to get hit! Hubby immediately pulled off to the side of the road and we got the turtle way back toward the pond out of harms way. 

There was another relationship where "I" was the issue. This guy was also handsome and probably my first 'true-love".. I was head over heels!!..BUT he was soooo much into sports!! He played on a couple baseball teams.. and loved to watch every thing 'sporty' going! I was not at all 'into' sports and did resent that every bit of free time he had ...if sports were involved... that was a priority! Oh he wanted to include me, but many times I wasn't interested. 'Loving sports' was a good part of who he was...I KNEW in the big picture this was going to be a problem to me. I don't think I'm a bad person because I couldn't get into what he loved... 
Though yes, successful relationships require some compromise...but there are some things so instilled in people it's what makes them..."them". My love of animals ..and ALL that goes with that is a good part of what makes me..."ME". Someone who didn't have that same interest doesn't necessarily make them a bad person... just a constant source of conflict of what's so very important to make 'us'..."US". To expect drastic change on either persons part is in my opinion...asking for at the very least disappointment... and possibly 'disaster".


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## Furbabies mom (Jul 25, 2011)

MalteseJane said:


> I agree. There is a saying : people who don't love animals, don't love people. He says now that he wants children. He cannot stand the barking of a dog, how on earth is he going to stand the crying and whining of a child ?? Compared to children, dogs are easy. He says you cannot compare a child to a dog. In a way he is right but not in his way of thinking. Children are way worse than a dog and you even cannot get rid of them.


I had to laugh.. Children are way worse and you can't get rid of them!!!There were times as teenagers ,that I wish that I could of sent them somewhere until they were over the teen age years!!! Never felt that way about my dogs!!


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

That would be my hubby too, to the rescue of anything on the road that might get hit.
Sounds like the right choice...


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

maltese manica said:


> I almost threw up reading this!!!!! was this looser abusing you to??? I am so sorry but I feel so sad about Jecky......................... I could never have dealt with that!!!! Oh gosh I am sorry........... :crying:[
> 
> Yes, he abused me, too. I ended up in the hospital for almost two months because of his abuse (you don't want to know what he and his mistress were a part of doing to me ... except to say I almost lost my eyesight, in fact did, off and on for almost a year and a half). After that, and with the help of a priest, I had no choice but to divorce him. My ex had no conscience ... he did his best to try and ruin my life even after the divorce.
> 
> ...


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## maltese manica (Nov 6, 2012)

Snowball Pie's Mommi said:


> maltese manica said:
> 
> 
> > I almost threw up reading this!!!!! was this looser abusing you to??? I am so sorry but I feel so sad about Jecky......................... I could never have dealt with that!!!! Oh gosh I am sorry........... :crying:[
> ...


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

Snowball Pie's Mommi said:


> maltese manica said:
> 
> 
> > I almost threw up reading this!!!!! was this looser abusing you to??? I am so sorry but I feel so sad about Jecky......................... I could never have dealt with that!!!! Oh gosh I am sorry........... :crying:[
> ...


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

babycake7 said:


> I agree! Also, another thing I wanted to point out beyond the day-to-day whether he can live in a home or not with your dog issue is....money! If you decide to continue with the relationship and you end up living together, how is he going to feel about the cost, both fixed and unexpected, that being a responsible pet owner brings?? I know personally some people that I talk to are SHOCKED when they realize how much money I spend on Bella...high quality dog food, grooming,vet care and of course, all the little fun stuff that just gives me pleasure to provide for her. Some of people have told me flat out that I am stupid or crazy for spending that much on a dog. How is your boyfriend going to feel and god forbid, what if there is a MAJOR expense related to your fluff's health? You need to make sure you both are on the same page about how much and what you are willing to sacrifice to ensure the health and well-being of your dog. If not, the money part of pet ownership could potentially cause huge issues in your relationship. You need to consider all of it, including the money part, very seriously.


Hope is offering great points to think about ... especially in regard to major expense issues in regard to our fluff babies. 

A couple of weeks ago my sweet hubby called his golf buddies to tell them he couldn't play because we had to take Snowball back in to the vet for another check-up. One of the guys said ... "It's time to get rid of the dog!" I was so angry! I was livid. How dare him?! Here we were worried about Snowball and then to hear such an insensitive remark like that. Well, I said something to my husband that some might think was very unlady like. I said ... " I know he is one of the guys you play golf with ... But, I must share with you that I think his name fits him perfectly ... because after what he said about Snowball ... in my eyes, he truly is a d...!"


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

Grace'sMom said:


> So this is getting to be a popular thread fast....
> 
> And I don't want to throw your boyfriend under the bus.... I know how hard that can be.
> 
> ...


I really like you, Tori. You have given such great feedback and advice. A lot to think about. Thank you for sharing the story and experience about your friend and husband.


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

My father is that way too,in fact he told us if we died and no one took the dogs..he'd have them put to sleep...Needless to say they will go to rescue if no one can take them...I know they will make sure they're safe and cared for...It's spelled out in our wills...

My Al gets teased at work because he doesn't have "manly dogs".Al even tells them he "loves his babies"...:wub:
Al tells them he's man enough he doesn't need an "extention"... Funny when the guys at work brag about manly cars or manly sports jackets,they ask what he thinks, he says "nice extention"! Took them a while but they got it eventually...:HistericalSmiley:

It takes a real man to walk a dog in a dress...and many times Al has been seen by his work buddies with me at the nursing home doing just that...:wub:

If guys at work would say "get rid of the dog" he'd tell them off...


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

Furbabies mom said:


> My DH sounds exactly like your husband Pam. However the older be gets, the more he enjoys our dogs. I could not spend my life with someone who resented my dogs. They don't have to be as crazy about them, as I am, but they can!t expect me to give them away. I don't have an issue with sports on the TV every weekend, and DH has no issue with 2 or 3 dogs in his lap during a game!!!


:HistericalSmiley::HistericalSmiley: I love it!!! 2 or 3 dogs on his lap during the game! Everybody wins!!! :chili::chili:


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

Can't enjoy a movie or game with out fluffs all over you,Al says...it's about sharing with the family...


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

babycake7 said:


> Reading this totally broke my heart! I am so sorry that you went through this. I can't even image how horrible it must have been to have someone take away your dog. :smcry:





Furbabies mom said:


> I would of probably gone crazy!! I'm sorry Marie.


Thank you Hope and Deb. :wub::wub:

I just thank God I was strong enough not to have a nervous breakdown after all he put me through. When I divorced him he threatened that he would make sure I ended up in a mental institution. I never did. He continued to do things to try and completely ruin my life. He even threatened Felix before we married ... but, Felix stood up to him. Some of my dearest and closest friends think I should write a book about my life. I feel blessed and count my blessings despite the sad times from my past.


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

Maidto2Maltese said:


> I am one of the 'old-gals' here and married for over 37 years. My husband loves animals of all kinds and especially dogs and cats...but wildlife etc as well. When I met him, I found this common trait we had ( amongst others of course) was something very important to me and felt it also reflected other 'basic' traits about him that I was seeking in a lifetime partner.
> 
> That was not always so the case with boyfriends I "adored' when I was young. One guy was so good in so many ways but he truly didn't like animals. Not always 'dislike'... maybe disinterest a better word. An example.. we saw a turtle crossing in the middle of a road. I wanted him to stop so I could scoot it off to the side for it's safety. He wouldn't, saying that's part of nature etc) and it really was the 'wake-up' call for me. We broke up shortly after. He was handsome, ambitious ( in a good way) fun, etc but I KNEW his attitude toward animals would always be a conflict between us.
> On the other side of the 'page... I think it was last year, my hubby and I were headed home...once again involving a turtle near a farm with a pond.. there he was on the side of the road but ready to cross. It's a secondary road but heavily trafficked at 'commuter time' which was near. I didn't even have to 'ask" I just said oh dear that turtle is headed to cross the road... it's going to get hit! Hubby immediately pulled off to the side of the road and we got the turtle way back toward the pond out of harms way.
> ...


Terry, I loved reading your story and thoughts. I love this thread. There are so many life experiences to share here. I hope this helps Madeleine's mommy ... because we all care so much.


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

Furbabies mom said:


> I had to laugh.. Children are way worse and you can't get rid of them!!!There were times as teenagers ,that I wish that I could of sent them somewhere until they were over the teen age years!!! Never felt that way about my dogs!!


A long time ago a friend of mine, who is a psychologist, told me that is why God made babies ... because we fall in love with them before they become teenagers! :HistericalSmiley:


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

:tender:


maltese manica said:


> Snowball Pie's Mommi said:
> 
> 
> > Marie.............. I'm speechless but proud of you! I just want to hug you! I hope people can learn from you and the others on this post. I wish I could go back in time and rescued you and jeckie. I would've clobbered that looser with a cast iron frying pan. I'm soooo sorry that you had to go through that.
> ...


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## =supermanskivvies= (Aug 7, 2008)

A part of me wonders if it's not really the dog, but it's an easy excuse so he doesn't have to discuss a bigger issue? Like maybe he is afraid of moving in together, but he's using the dog as a convenient excuse? Just another possibility.

Anyway, my last ex hated Tiff. It wasn't the reason we broke up, but it did contribute. Tiffany is my baby, and dogs are such a big part of my life in general (I volunteer at the animal shelter, and...don't laugh...I do a lot of dog-inspired art and design projects). I've pretty much decided that any future relationships need to be with guys who love animals.


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

Sylie said:


> Snowball Pie's Mommi said:
> 
> 
> > I had a very bad first marriage too. Now, I have to say that nobody really gave me any advice. No body warned me. No body encouraged me to leave. I stayed with him for years, because I didn't want to fail. I didn't want family to...I don't even know, be embarrassed, disappointed??? Only when I told them I was leaving him did they cheer and express that they were concerned for my safety all those years.
> ...


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

michellerobison said:


> Sylie said:
> 
> 
> > Wow thread is evolving, hope we didn't scare her off...
> ...


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## Maglily (Feb 3, 2009)

Snowball Pie's Mommi said:


> Hope is offering great points to think about ... especially in regard to major expense issues in regard to our fluff babies.
> 
> A couple of weeks ago my sweet hubby called his golf buddies to tell them he couldn't play because we had to take Snowball back in to the vet for another check-up. One of the guys said ... "It's time to get rid of the dog!" I was so angry! I was livid. How dare him?! Here we were worried about Snowball and then to hear such an insensitive remark like that. Well, I said something to my husband that some might think was very unlady like. I said ... " I know he is one of the guys you play golf with ... But, I must share with you that I think his name fits him perfectly ... because after what he said about Snowball ... in my eyes, he truly is a d...!"


Oh Marie, I would be livid too! how awful. I hope Felix told him what you said.


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## ToniLWilson (Sep 11, 2012)

Not a hard decision at all, DUMP HIM! 
I agree with you, I think it's jealousy as well. If this is the case it's never going to change. He will always be jealous of her. I'm sorry to say this but I feel it's the truth.

I was so lucky when my husband decided after 15yrs together to let me get my Bella. He was frantic about everything when it came to a dog being in the house. Not because he didn't like them. He is very OCD about the carpet and etc and is a very emotional person and thought to much about how much it would hurt if something were to happen to our dog (even 15 yrs down the road, when we hadn't even gotten her yet) 
Now after having her for almost a year I can say this, she is his baby girl and he is so (over) protective of her his friends think he need therapy LOL!!! 

I wish you the best of luck, I'm not sure an ultimadem (sp) is even the answer. I'd be afraid that would make him even worse


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## CorkieYorkie (Apr 10, 2012)

I'm not a cat person, and I think I may even be allergic, but if my bf had a cat and we wanted to move in together, I would at least TRY because I loved him enough... just something to keep in mind... someone who isn't willing to compromise on something this important, well that's not a good sign  I also agree that this is an indicator of what having a child is like (ESP regarding the mess...) and I think we cn ALL attest that Maltese especially as a breed are clean as long as you keep them clean and most definitely do not smell!! plus they don't even shed, come on now! I think he's being unreasonable... it would be really hard fo rme to be with someone who didn't like dogs...


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## Rocky's Mom (Apr 10, 2010)

Snowball Pie's Mommi said:


> I really like you, Tori. You have given such great feedback and advice. A lot to think about. Thank you for sharing the story and experience about your friend and husband.


Marie: great advice!!!!!!!! I agree with everything you said!!!!!:aktion033:


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## Rocky's Mom (Apr 10, 2010)

I don't think I could marry someone that doesn't love me and my dog! You are very young. My advice would be to get a place of your own.


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## ladodd (Jan 8, 2012)

I'm not going to say your bf is a bad guy. When I first started dating my DH, I lived with my Mom. We had 2 pekingnese. My DH (bf at the time), didn't like them. He wasn't mean to them, but didn't give them any attention. I knew that he didn't like dogs in the house, he grew up with the rule that animals were nasty and belonged outside, and small dogs were useless, it didn't matter to me at the time. We married, had 2 kids, he's a great dad. 15 yrs into the marriage and I decided that I couldn't live without a dog. I wanted my sons ( ages were now 11 and 15) to experience a dog. I told my DH I wanted a Maltese, he said no. So, I didn't speak to him for 2 wks. He finally said "go get the [email protected]&! dog. Well, the next day I brought Lily home. He called her a rat. He then saw how much our boys adored her and what a sweetheart she is, he accepted her after about a year. It was when we got Luci that he fell in love. He and Luci bonded from the minute we got her. When she got sick he never questioned how much it was costing(it was thousands). The day we lost her was the second time in 24 yrs that I'd seen him cry, he was so brokenhearted. I told him we still have Lily, his reply was "but she doesn't love me like Luci did". He takes the pups for car rides, he will hand fed them when needed, he helps bathe them, they sleep on his pillow, etc. I don't know what I would have done if he had ended up hating the dogs. My situation truly was that he didn't know what he was missing. You need to have a serious conversation with your bf. Good luck.


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## StevieB (Feb 2, 2012)

ladodd said:


> I'm not going to say your bf is a bad guy. When I first started dating my DH, I lived with my Mom. We had 2 pekingnese. My DH (bf at the time), didn't like them. He wasn't mean to them, but didn't give them any attention. I knew that he didn't like dogs in the house, he grew up with the rule that animals were nasty and belonged outside, and small dogs were useless, it didn't matter to me at the time. We married, had 2 kids, he's a great dad. 15 yrs into the marriage and I decided that I couldn't live without a dog. I wanted my sons ( ages were now 11 and 15) to experience a dog. *I told my DH I wanted a Maltese, he said no. So, I didn't speak to him for 2 wks. He finally said "go get the [email protected]&! dog. *Well, the next day I brought Lily home. He called her a rat. He then saw how much our boys adored her and what a sweetheart she is, he accepted her after about a year. It was when we got Luci that he fell in love. He and Luci bonded from the minute we got her. When she got sick he never questioned how much it was costing(it was thousands). The day we lost her was the second time in 24 yrs that I'd seen him cry, he was so brokenhearted. I told him we still have Lily, his reply was "but she doesn't love me like Luci did". He takes the pups for car rides, he will hand fed them when needed, he helps bathe them, they sleep on his pillow, etc. I don't know what I would have done if he had ended up hating the dogs. My situation truly was that he didn't know what he was missing. You need to have a serious conversation with your bf. Good luck.


LOL Laurie! That sounds familiar!! My husband acts annoyed but he secretly loves Steve.


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## Just A Girl (Oct 13, 2012)

Snowball Pie's Mommi said:


> Oh, yes!!! Excellent advice!!!
> 
> My other thought is how your boyfriend might treat your dog when you are not there. My ex ... of many, many years ago, was so abusive. He was jealous of our dog, Jecky. Jecky would listen to me ... but, not to my ex. So, then my ex would take a shoe or something else and hit the poor dog. He couldn't understand why Jecky would come to me ... but, not to him. Duh.
> 
> ...


OMG, this is so sad! I cried. What a terrible, cruel thing to do. I read your follow up post & I'm glad you finally got away from him. He sounds like a monster who should be rotting in prison. ((((((Big hugs for you)))))


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## Madeleinesmommy (Nov 30, 2012)

*A few days after I posted this I had a serious conversation with my boyfriend about it. He has actually made some improvements recently. He has been picking her up and playing with her. He's even taking her to the potty.*

*He told that it isn't so much he has a problem with her it's just a OCD thing with him because he doesn't understand why I let her sleep with me and I let her on the bed.*

*I did tell him that I would have to make sure that he is capable to take care of her and that he builds a relationship with her or this just isn't going to work out ever.*

*So we are working on baby steps.*


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## shellbeme (Mar 1, 2011)

I'm glad to hear this  and I gotta say, some compromises can be made. Our dogs sleep in bed with us, sometimes I hate it. I don't know how a 6lb dog can take up so much space and steal so many covers.. and I find myself contorting in the most rediculous positions just to comfort the dogs-sometimes I wish I made them sleep in their crates. Sometimes I don't get a decent nights sleep because they are with us, so I totally get the not wanting dogs in bed thing!


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## hoaloha (Jan 27, 2012)

Madeleinesmommy said:


> *A few days after I posted this I had a serious conversation with my boyfriend about it. He has actually made some improvements recently. He has been picking her up and playing with her. He's even taking her to the potty.*
> 
> *He told that it isn't so much he has a problem with her it's just a OCD thing with him because he doesn't understand why I let her sleep with me and I let her on the bed.*
> 
> ...


That's great! I totally understand his viewpoint about dogs in the bed because I was the same way. I actually didn't even want a dog because I thought they would get the house dirty. nOW, I am typing this while laying on my bed with Obi curled up next to me  . He gets his feet fully washed anytime we go out and sleeps only on the covers though. 

Baby steps can make great strides in the end. Please also compromise with him. Having OCD is extremely difficult (a friend of mine has it) so if that means that your dog is in your bedroom but not in the bed, I don't think that's an unreasonable compromise on your part if you truly love him. I dont have OCD and I didnt even want dogs on the bed initially! Each person needs to be understanding of each other.


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## shellbeme (Mar 1, 2011)

hoaloha said:


> That's great! I totally understand his viewpoint about dogs in the bed because I was the same way. I actually didn't even want a dog because I thought they would get the house dirty. nOW, I am typing this while laying on my bed with Obi curled up next to me  . He gets his feet fully washed anytime we go out and sleeps only on the covers though.
> 
> Baby steps can make great strides in the end. Please also compromise with him. Having OCD is extremely difficult (a friend of mine has it) so if that means that your dog is in your bedroom but not in the bed, I don't think that's an unreasonable compromise on your part if you truly love him. I dont have OCD and I didnt even want dogs on the bed initially! Each person needs to be understanding of each other.


 
That's actually brilliant, you can do things like keep bathing wipes on hand (I usually have some made by earthbath) and spa lavish puts out a face wash that is also great for cleaning feets when needed. I am betting he'd appriciate little things like that. Wiping off paws when coming in from outdoors is also great just in case the dog or anyone inside has allergies.


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

hoaloha said:


> That's great! I totally understand his viewpoint about dogs in the bed because I was the same way. I actually didn't even want a dog because I thought they would get the house dirty. nOW, I am typing this while laying on my bed with Obi curled up next to me  . He gets his feet fully washed anytime we go out and sleeps only on the covers though.
> 
> Baby steps can make great strides in the end. Please also compromise with him. *Having OCD is extremely difficult (a friend of mine has it) so if that means that your dog is in your bedroom but not in the bed, I don't think that's an unreasonable compromise on your part if you truly love him. * I dont have OCD and I didnt even want dogs on the bed initially! Each person needs to be understanding of each other.


:goodpost: Life with a mate is all about compromise. Not giving in and giving up and being miserable...compromise so that each one gives a little for the other. Glad he's being somewhat receptive. And if I could take back having Tyler sleep on our bed, I would. It's amazing how I crunch myself up to make HIM comfortable.


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## nwyant1946 (Jan 2, 2013)

*Our bed is crowded too...3 cats and Mia...and everybody wants to be close to mom and dad...*


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## eiksaa (Jun 8, 2012)

I am so glad to hear that. Thanks for updating us.


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## IvysMom (Dec 24, 2012)

As much as I love my dogs, I've never let them sleep on the bed with us. I need my sleep too much. I buy the doggies super comfy beds of their own that are right next to our bed and everyone gets a good night's sleep.

That said, I've been down the road with boyfriends who really weren't animal people. They would try to compromise in the beginning but when the honeymoon was over, well, let's just say I vowed I would never again even date someone who wasn't already an animal person before I met them. I could write a 1000 page book on this subject. But the bottom line is that a person either IS an animal person or they AREN'T. Neither is right or wrong, it is just the way it is and who they are. Sadly, the two are often not compatible sharing a living space. My animals are part of who I am. I can't change that and I don't ask someone else to change who they are because I know they can't change who they are either. No one ever said life was going to be easy.


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## Madeleinesmommy (Nov 30, 2012)

*Before I got her I never could imagine having a dog sleep with me or even on the bed and furniture. When we got her she would cry all night in the crate and by cry I mean scream. We were all up all night with her even with putting her crate in a different room. I ended up either sleeping in the living room next to the crate which didn't work or letting her sleep on me. After a few days of her crying all night I started letting her sleep in the bed. *

*She doesn't sleep with 100% of the time. She sleeps in her crate about 50% of the time in the winter and about 80% of the time in the summer. I never put her in the crate but she waits until I fall asleep then she goes in there on her own. When she does sleep with me she will sleep next to me ( which I love and only happens when I'm sick or she's sick) or she'll sleep at the bottom of the bed on her pink blaket.*

*I can compromise with the sleeping thing since she doesn't sleep with me often. She loves her crate but I will get her an actual dog bed that is like a canopy bed so she makes a good adjustment.*

*He's more of a cat person though which actually works well because Maddie loves cats B) *

* I guess we'll see what the future holds.*


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## CorkieYorkie (Apr 10, 2012)

That makes no sense considering cats shed and malts don't !! :blink:


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## HalosMommy (Apr 8, 2012)

If I was in your shoes, I would dump him and keep your fur baby. It is rather scary that he would make you choose to give up something you love. I say take me and my dog or don't let the door hit you when you leave. 

What are his thoughts on children? If he can't handle a dog....that is something you need to think about before you invest


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