# Maltese Confessions Volume One



## Canada (Jun 4, 2009)

*The place to air your Maltese' dirtiest laundry.*
_Caution: contains scandal & intrigue._

We'll go first! 

*Coco*: "I wike watching television, when ever a Dog Food commercial comes on, I wook BEHIND the TV stand to try to find the doggy! :behindsofa: 
But the doggy is never there! :blink:

*
Tucker*: "My fav food is Romaine Lettuce. 
Not "manly" steak or lamb or chicken! :blush: 
I will always pick out the lettuce leaves first from my bowl! 
Sometimes, I can sneak some of Coco's lettuce when she's almost done." 


*Paris*: "I think the sun shines out of Tucker's tail. 
He is so amazing that I claim to have whelped him myself. 
Nevermind that I am spayed and not related to him, those are trivial details. 
From the minute I laid eyes on him I decided to Nanny him to the ends of the earth. Thanks for the puppy, Mom." 


Okay, who dares to go next? :thumbsup:
You can use aliases if need be.


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## Furbabies mom (Jul 25, 2011)

Funny!!!!

Dewey :My purpose in life is to BUG the heck out of Laurel, Violet, and Hardy, and to worry mom to death!! I also make her laugh!!!

Violet: I have the weight of the world on my shoulders, keeping Laurel, Dewey, and Hardy in line!

Hardy: I love to sneak in the living room(I'm not allowed) to have Mom chase me and pick me up and hug me! I also love it that the other three aren't brave enough to try it!

Laurel: I just want to have FUN!!! No worries, no thinking deep thoughts, JUST HAVE FUN!!!


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## Gongjoo (Dec 9, 2012)

Khloee: I like noses!!! Whenever I can, aka whenever someone isnt paying attention, I stick my tongue up people's noses. Mommy says its nasty! I say sorry...not sorry


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## Furbabies mom (Jul 25, 2011)

Gongjoo said:


> Khloee: I like noses!!! Whenever I can, aka whenever someone isnt paying attention, I stick my tongue up people's noses. Mommy says its nasty! I say sorry...not sorry


:HistericalSmiley:


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## my4jewels (Jul 8, 2013)

Cute thread!

My Tegan, although not a Maltese, would like to chime in here.

"I love to chew. I mean, I really love it. I chew with such a passion that I have destroyed 100's of dollars of toys that Mommy bought for me. When one of my toys is close to destruction, I slowly(so I don't attract attention) move behind the coffee table , and then I deliver the 'final blow'. Mom and Dad just don't understand."

"I truly believe that I am a person. I just don't see why everyone else doesn't see it."

"My final confession is that I have a serious crush on my daddy. Mom's cool and all that, and I love her because she takes such good care of me, but when Daddy comes home, I only have eyes for him. He smells so good, and I love licking his bald head. Game on!"


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## Grace'sMom (Feb 22, 2012)

Gracie: I secretly push my brother's ball under the couch whenever he's not looking so I can watch him go insane. :innocent:

Gus: I eat my sissy's food before she sees it and then tell her Mom didn't feed her because she loves me best!


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## Cyndilou (Jan 24, 2013)

My name is Ace and if I try hard enough I know I a going to make it to china in my aunties room. If they would just stop fixing where I started I oils be there by now. I too must confess that I love everyone but my daddy rocks. He lets me play with him at 5:30am before he goes to work then I get a little treat to go back to sleep. When he gets home no one else matters.


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

Tyler: I like to bury my meals. :chili: My mom puts my food on a place mat and I like to work really hard to herd it (in case she puts a few pieces near the plate) and then cover it up. After all, you never know when there could be an apocalypse and I need to get to my stash to survive. I think Mommy understands. However, daddy just shakes his head and walks away saying, "Monk, the dog." :blink:


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## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

Lacie: I really don't want to confess anything as I want everyone (especially Mom) to think that I'm PERFECT!!! It's Tilly that's the Twit.

Tilly: I'm going to tell on Lacie. She goes outside and barks at leaves that fall into the yard and it makes mom soooooooooooooo mad. Lacie also tries to blame me, but I'm not the one that drinks mom's coffee if she gets up for a minute. 

Tilly: My confession is that I will eat poop (UGH -- Mommy says Yucky) if Mom doesn't pick it up right away. And I confess that i think that all the toys in the house are MINE. 

Secret: I confess that I go up my stairs to the Ottoman backwards. It's easier in my opinion. I also want to confess that I wish I still had my teeth to chew on bully sticks, and I like to lay on top of Mom when the weather is cold. Oh yeah, I also confess a love of blueberries even if they make my face dirty.


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## jane and addison (Nov 1, 2012)

Both Belle and Penny before her thought that if it was raining out the back door that it was not raining out the front door.


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## LuvMyBoys (Jan 2, 2012)

My name is Dusty and I have a serious crack addiction. 













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## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

I love this thread. I'm sitting at the office laughing my head off. :HistericalSmiley::HistericalSmiley:


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## Maizy Moo's Mum (Jul 4, 2012)

Maizy: I just wub feet especially licking them! Mummy says I have a foot fettish, sometimes i get a wittle excited and start humping! my daddy's feet are especially tasty!!! Mummy says its gross but I don't care!!! 


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## maggieh (Dec 16, 2007)

My name is Sweetness and I like to hump er hug my sister. (Auntie Crystal calls it hugging!)


My name is Tessa and I pull the pans out of the kitchen cupboards.


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## mdbflorida (Feb 28, 2013)

This is a great thread.

Boo, I don't like hangers, i will twirl forever hoping it will fall off. Daddy would help but I can do it if I just spin really fast!

Zach, Mom can we give him back!


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## sherry (Jan 4, 2013)

I LOVE this thread!

Sissy: Moms mad again cause I peed the bed...again!:innocent: I thunk she wikes washing daw bedding!

Riley: I'm a thief and a hoarder!:innocent: I get in Dad's jean pockets and find knives and money! And silverware outa da dishwasher!:chili::chili:


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## ladodd (Jan 8, 2012)

This is Lily, I am the Queen of the House. My court, aka "the brats" think that they rule, they do not have my power. I am the most beautiful, the smartest, and the fastest. All hail Queen Lily, bow to your Queen, you dimwits.

This is Addie, my Daddy says I'm a princess, so ha-ha. I sleep on his pillow and he rocks me to sleep. I don't want to rule, just let me eat all of the treats.

This is Jack, "the man". I strut around the house like I own it, although they say I'm the smallest. I only have eyes for "the Momma",I love her, I think maybe she's really my Mom. I follow her so close that I bump her heels. The girls are not allowed to sit with "the Momma" cause she's mine. When people come over and get too close to "the Momma", I try and nip at them, it's my job to protect her.


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## maddysmom (Mar 8, 2012)

Hi...my name is Lacie and I LOVE ears with pretty earrings...mommy says I make a good pick-pocket...I say I just love DIAMONDS!

I love to chew moms shoes...the expensive ones so she has an excuse to do more shopping 

And I also like to bite other dogs tail so they pay attention to me!


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## Meilerca (Dec 16, 2012)

Hi my name is Thor! 
And sometimes when daddy is lying on the floor in the evenings I like to hump his leg! Mommy caught me one time and I got yelled at, but that is my guilty pleasure! Love my daddy

Also I love cupcakes! 









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## The A Team (Dec 1, 2005)

I am Ava, and I like to run upstairs and bark my fool head off....mom or dad will eventually come up and get me and bring me down. ...then I do it again!!!! (don't tell them that I know how to come down by myself, it's just more fun making them do it) 

Archie says, I could take a walk with my mom 10 times a day. I send telepathic messages to her and look directly into her eyes...she knows what I want. But it actually only works about once a day. :angry:


Abbey here....I am a mommy's special helper. She can't do a thing around the house without me. Whoops, gotta go....I think she needs me again...

Tinker says. don't look at me....don't anyone look at me. See if you don't look at me, then I'm invisible, and that's the way I like it. ...OMG, are you looking at me?????:w00t:


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## kilodzul (Oct 7, 2013)

Cashmere: I'm the best cleaner in the house: whatever I find on the floor, I'll eat it right away. But I don't like bees. They sting when I try to eat them. Rude.
And I don't understand why all those people I hear on corridor behind the door won't come and play with me, even though I invite them in with my best howled loved song.


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## pippersmom (May 21, 2012)

Hi I'm Pipper. Mommy doesn't want everyone to know that when I leave my ball in my crate and then I see it in there, I don't know enough to go in the doorway to get it. I stand outside the crate whining and scratching at the bars trying to get it. Shhhhh, don't tell Mommy that I told her secret. I also like to rip up toilet paper and then go lay down and look really innocent. I look so cute I bet she thinks Daddy did it.


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

Dis be Ray speekin. Firs, I confess dat I not be from Malta, I be from Mad Gas Car. I habs to be weally goot, 'cause I am scared to not be good. I steal my sister's toy an KILL dem. Once, I kilt a weal mousey. I didnt mean to an felt so sat.

MiMi: Me wubs eberybuddy. Me tinks me is smart, but me dunno what means bootifull. Mawmeme says dat all da time, but me done get no tweat for bootiful. :blink:

Ru: I do not give a flying bean about anything...cept brekfass and dinna.

Sylvia: My name is Sylvia and I am a SMaholic. Threads like this make me happy.


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

Sasha-- I love to sneak wubbies outside every time I go out... mommy has to frisk me....every time, but I do get an occasional one past her... I sass anyone who tells me "no".

Bitsy-- I hates to potty in the rain, so I pretend to pee, then I get into the house..where it's nice and dry I pee there! I'm afraid of poop, it likes to jump on you and hitchhike into the house...

Emily--Bitsy, stick with me kid...you should do what I do... when it rains...go in the carrier to pee, if the door is open...( uht ohhh, think mommy is on to that one...she closes the carrier door now,so we can't do that... Just wait long enough, she will let you in ...eventually...

Amber--- I love my dog food soooo much... I eat it twice... eeuuugghhh. I love to lick people,they taste good! I love mommy..until daddy gets home ,then it's "mommy who?"

Rylee--- I'm the littlest one, so I give mommy the " big eyes" and get anything I want... I get up on the bed with the steps... just so mommy will come get me...

Harry--- I'm really a rare canine subspecies of cat... really, no... really! Can I sleep inside now?


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## silverhaven (Sep 6, 2009)

This is Lola, I love to hide behind chairs, will stand there for ages wagging my tail, then when my sister walks by I pounce out at her. She just turns around and boxes me on my ears though. I also can't wait to steal her food, so much so Mummy has to put me away to give her some peace she says.  otherwise the second she isn't looking I get it. I want more food....always. I also follow my Mummy or Daddy everywhere, even the bathroom and pull Daddy's towel down off the rack to rub myself all over with it. When they pick me up I growl at them like crazy, but then turn around and give them kisses. I get confused sometimes. Ohhh! and I love to dry my Daddy's hair, he gets out of the bath and then I make him kneel and the floor and I rub his hair and neck all over, swirling around and around. 

Hello, Penny here. I love to stand upright and put my paws on my sisters head, I am afraid if my Mummy doesn't tell me to go pee I still feel like it should be ok to go wherever I please, it's her fault right, she forgets to tell me sometimes. I love to give Mummy and Daddy mega mouth kisses and try as hard as I can to french kiss. If any animal or cartoon character has the nerve to go on my tv I bark my head off at them, how dare they? I also like to bark at the other big dogs in the street, don't want any of those beasts coming near me. I tell them off in no uncertain terms.


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

It's me ... Snowball. 

Shhhh ... please don't tell my Mommi and Poppi my secrets.

I know how to get an extra treat. You see, my Mommi and Poppi taught me how to "sit" and "stay" on the carpet near our front door. So, sometimes I *pretend* that someone is at the front door. I bark and run in circles, and then go over by the front door where I will sit and stay without them asking me to do so! And, then I wait for that extra treat!

I also like my privacy when I do my #2's. So, I wait until I am sure Mommi and Poppi are not looking. I will sneak upstairs and do my business on the potty pads while Mommi and Poppi are downstairs in the kitchen cleaning up after our breakfast and dinner! 

I am very fussy about new foods or treats. But, I don't want to hurt my Mommi and Poppi's feelings if I am not sure I will like it. So, I take a tiny piece of the veggie or fruit off of the dish and take in into the living room where I place it on the carpet. And, then I turn my back to Mommi and Poppi while I sniff it and check it out. If I don't like it, I walk away and just pretend like I didn't leave it there.

I do not like going to see the doctor ... even though everyone there says I am so adorable and that they love me. I do not appreciate getting poked and probed. I will sit in the big waiting area or get down on the floor and sniff things out. But, when we are invited to go back into the room to see the doctor, I will not budge. Someone always has to come over and pick me up! I think the next time I will ask my Mommi to put a sign on me ... to warn everyone to stay away from me ... because I am contagious! Maybe that will scare them!


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## chicklet and simba (Mar 19, 2013)

I'm Simba, and I am a big boy, that I sleep in a co-sleeper next to Mommy's bed... but only until sometime during the wee hours of the night, cos Mommy wakes up with me curled up next to her the next day.

Add-on: She tries to discipline me and keep me in my bed, but I try to look as cute as can be, so she has no choice but to let me stay.


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## dragonsdawn (Jul 23, 2012)

Hi! I'm Zoey and I like showing my little brother Snowball... who is bigger then me... and Bentley... who is WAY bigger then me... that I am the boss. I enjoy knocking them off their feet to prove that just cause I am smaller, I won't be pushed around.


Also I like to try and French kiss people when they are talking. So what if I have had my tongue bit a time or two. I also like to like up noses.

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## SA_GC (Oct 14, 2013)

Hello. My name is Sugar and I am a toe-aholic. I looooove them so much! I think they are perfect to pounce on and nibble and nip. Oh - so many tootsies and so little time! Oh yes - I also confess to "picking" my grandpa's flowers! They hang there in fronta my face, so I just have to bite them off!


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## TLR (Nov 13, 2011)

Ben: what do you mean I'm a dog? You are wrong again mom.


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## Summergirl73 (Sep 18, 2011)

Oh I love this thread and my SM family!

This is Bella - well technically my name is Lady Bella, but shhhhh my secret is that I am no lady! I am actually a hussy! B) That's right, I'm a hussy and I'm proud of it. I love all the men in my life. I snuggle them and kiss them and yep, I'll even hump their legs.:hump: Nope I am not ashamed one little bit. :Happy_Dance:Yesterday I even went so far as to stand on the heating repair mans clipboard and kiss him. He never knew what hit him :w00t:. When Daddy comes home at night I jump into his arms lick his arms and hands clean and when Mommy gets jealous and tries to steal a kiss, I lift up my nose and snuggle into Daddy's chest. :wub: Silly Mommy, she clearly doesn't know who she's messy with here!


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## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

Just went back and read this entire thread just to get a good laugh for the day. This is so cute.


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## Kathleen (Aug 4, 2011)

Hi! My name is Daisy and I loooooove my Daddy.

Mommy is okay. She cooks me special homemade food and buys me special organic treats and sits on the floor and plays with me and picks me up at night for a cuddle when I am lonely, and spends her whole paycheck on pretty outfits and lots of toys and fancy beds for me, and talks to me in baby talk, and tells me she loves me a thousand times a day, and takes me for walks and for rides in the car in my fancy carseat, and to doggie school. She is okay.

But Daddy, he says hello to me when he gets home from work, and calls me Daisy-Doooo. He is the best! :wub:

Hi! My name is Max. I might look like a dog, but I am actually a duck. I don't bark, I quack. Especially when I am chasing Daisy.
Quack....quack....quack...quack. B)


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## Polly's mom (Apr 29, 2013)

Kathleen said:


> Hi! My name is Daisy and I loooooove my Daddy.
> 
> Mommy is okay. She cooks me special homemade food and buys me special organic treats and sits on the floor and plays with me and picks me up at night for a cuddle when I am lonely, and spends her whole paycheck on pretty outfits and lots of toys and fancy beds for me, and talks to me in baby talk, and tells me she loves me a thousand times a day, and takes me for walks and for rides in the car in my fancy carseat, and to doggie school. She is okay.
> 
> ...


Can you record the quack and post it?


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## Furbabies mom (Jul 25, 2011)

Polly's mom said:


> Can you record the quack and post it?


:HistericalSmiley::HistericalSmiley::HistericalSmiley:


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## KCY (Sep 24, 2012)

Hey, When mommy and daddy are watching tv in the living room.. I like to sneak in the bathroom and chew on the tpaper. 

also, daddy gets in trouble from mommy when he leaves his jacket in the dining room chair. I think he does it for me. this way I can go in his jacket pocket and take the receipts. I go back in the living room with paper in my mouth. daddy tells me to do this cause he dont want to watch the show mommy is watching. while mommy is trying to catch me, daddy changes the show.


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## gopotsgo (May 21, 2009)

LILY: I'm a magician. I can take food out of a backpack or briefcase, eat it all up and the backpack/briefcase still is zipped/buttoned closed. :innocent: It cracks me up to see mommy and daddy scratch their heads. NO, I can't tell you my secret, magicians never give up their secrets! OK, I'll tell you. I have retractable thumbs, mom has searched for them but I retract them so she can't see them. Heh, heh, sneaky huh.

AUDREY: I'm a super taster like mommy. Did you know that tummy rubs taste good? Oh, I love me my tummy rubs! When daddy is rubbing my tummy I lick and lick the air because tummy rub air taste good!

STORMY: My parents named me after the X-men character, Storm. But I really can't control the weather. HOWEVER, I can morph my body into a fraction of it's 3.5lb size and squeeze through the smallest holes. Like yesterday when my pet sitter came to check on us, I greeted her at the front door. I squeezed through not one but TWO gates. Pretty cool, huh?:aktion033:


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## mfa (Oct 5, 2009)

My name is Pearlan and I like to sing with my Mommy. For some reason, Mommy likes to sing opera around the house. :huh: I always join her and try to match the notes! Sometimes the notes are long and I do howls, sometimes I do tiny barks! Mommy says that I am the best singer ever. I just think it's fun! :wub:


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## Lilly_Toby (Jun 4, 2013)

Hi, I'm Toby. My mommy calls me Toby Tobs or Tobers. I'm wrapped around her little finger 'cause I'm the baby and they say I'm teeny tiny. I can get away with pretty much anything which is why I always find the neighbor's cat or dog poo in the yard and flop on it with my back and roll around in it. Mommy gets mad and gives me a 'shower' in the sink. She knows I hate those so I look at her with my big, round, innocent black eyes and win her all over again. 


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## Mallen600 (Oct 27, 2012)

My name is Henry and I hump every dog I meet and every toy that's my size, even though I was fixed a year ago. I also behave perfectly until someone shuts the door and sits down on the toilet, then I immediately go find something to tear up in the house. I stop as soon as I hear a flush.


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## LovelyLily (Mar 26, 2013)

My name is Lily and I police for any ball or squeaky toy that gets under furniture--and even though there may be several of the same toy on the floor by me will bark and bark until that one under the furniture gets removed. 

I also LOVE LOVE LOVE to get tummy rubs--and when my people come back after work the first thing I do is run to my downstairs bed and get on my back so they can rub my tummy for a few minutes. They want to coax me to go outside to go potty but all I want is that tummy rub to go on and on.


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## TobyC's Mom (Sep 26, 2013)

Hello everyone...my name is Toby! I love paper...any kind of paper...if I can see it then I surely try and get it! I mean if its on the floor its for me right?...Or if it's in the waste basket and I can reach in there and get it.. then again its fair game for me right? Ok now sometimes I will admit I have to really jump up to get it off the table...ah but then that's the fun part..as dad don't pay any attention ..but mom does and then I'm off with it. Now the fun part is when mom chases me to try and get it.. I Love it!!


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## ToniLWilson (Sep 11, 2012)

My name is Bella and I am the (fur)child my mommy and daddy never had. I love my mommy for taking such good care of me and I love my daddy because he calls me his Queen, the Queen of my own England" that is. I LOVE LOVE LOVE to run around the coffee table. When I hear mom coming in the door I run and get a toy and I greet them with it in my mouth and proceed to buzz around the coffee table. Mom always says "ok, ok let me put my purse down! She plays with me for 2 laps then outside we go to go potty. Then it's almost time for my daddy to get home. I wait and wait by the front door till I see his truck. Then it's on like donkey kong! I gotta get to him! that's my daddy!! Here I am daddy! Up here in the window, can't you hear me barking to you, can't you hear me scratching at the door to get to you!! WHEW!!! Thanks mom for letting go get my daddy!!! All is right in the world now!! 
I also sleep with my mommy and daddy, and when I'm ready to go nite-nite I'm ready for ALL of us to go nite-nite! "Hey what are you doing still watching that box thing! Can't you see I'm pacing from the hall way to the living room cause it's time to go nite-nite! Geeeeesh!
My name is Bella and I love morning breath!! My mommy and daddy just don't get it! I just love to wake them up in the morning by sticking my tongue in there mouths. What, doesn't everyone do this? LMBO!!!!


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## Kathy Tobacco (Oct 23, 2013)

Lilly_Toby said:


> Hi, I'm Toby. My mommy calls me Toby Tobs or Tobers. I'm wrapped around her little finger 'cause I'm the baby and they say I'm teeny tiny. I can get away with pretty much anything which is why I always find the neighbor's cat or dog poo in the yard and flop on it with my back and roll around in it. Mommy gets mad and gives me a 'shower' in the sink. She knows I hate those so I look at her with my big, round, innocent black eyes and win her all over again.
> 
> 
> Sent from Petguide.com Free App


It is so funny when little froo froo dogs don't know they are froo froo one little bit. Mine were both like this. They love to roll in the most disgusting stuff-dead frog is the absolute worse but they both thought it was Chanel no 5. My maltese was a mongrel trapped in a little white fluffy body. Just as you describe, I could be so angry with Paris before I caught her. But once I caught her all that would just melt away instantly. Once she got away from my daughter and when she came back she was so covered in dirt, mud, twigs and debris she didn't look like a white dog. After my daughter bathed her she ran right back to the mud and rolled in it again. She looked at my daughter and said, "Wow, I really out smarted you. All that work for nothing." My daughter gave her another bath and then when she put her in the yard(she always has to go after a bath), Paris was like, "I'm cool." and didn't run back to the mud ever again.


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## dntdelay (May 27, 2011)

Hi my name is Jasmine and I love my mommy and my grand mommy!!! I am the protector of the house. If I see a leaf, an animal, a person near my house I have to tell them "WTB (what the bark)". I do not like when visitors are in my house because I think they will hurt my mommies. I love ears!! If you give me a chance to clean your ears I will. I love treats and I will do anything for them. Even humping my mommy, but the funny thing is I don't get a treat. Weird huh :blink:


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## Maglily (Feb 3, 2009)

I'm Jodi and I'm gonna be a star. When I go on walks I practise being Superdog, I have to stop on my favourite lawns and mom has to pull me along on my belly, she says "Superdog" and I wave my paws just like I'm flying. Sometimes she's not really sure I want to practise so I have to push myself along and then she gets it and start pulling me. And then at home I stand up and wave my jazz hands because I gotta be ready for my big break on stage.

oh and I like to play with cat toys :blush:


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