# Crystal's Dad



## maggieh (Dec 16, 2007)

Some of you may have seen this on Crystal's Facebook page; her dad became ill during the night and passed away shortly before 8:00 am this morning. I spoke with Crystal a few minutes ago and obviously they are devastated by this sudden loss. 

Please keep Crystal, her mom, and the rest of their family in your prayers.


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## Furbabies mom (Jul 25, 2011)

Oh , I am so sorry to hear this. My prayers are with you Crystal and your mom.


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## wooflife (Aug 8, 2007)

Thanks Maggie!


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## munchkn8835 (May 23, 2010)

So sorry to read this. Prayers for Crystal and her mom.


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

Oh, I am so sorry to hear this very sad news.

Crystal, if you are reading this, please know that my heart is breaking for you ... and, that you and your mother and family are in my prayers. 

I wish I could hug you in person, Crystal. I'm sending you love and hugs.

Marie


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## *Missy* (Oct 7, 2011)

I'm praying for crystal and her family in the really hard time


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## bailey02 (May 1, 2009)

My thoughts and prayers for Crystal and her family.


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## gigigirlz (Jun 18, 2007)

sending prayers your way.....hugs....


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## zooeysmom (Aug 1, 2011)

Oh, what a shock :crying:I'm so sad for Crystal. Crystal, you and your family are in my prayers. 

Hugs and love,


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## allheart (Oct 3, 2008)

Oh my God no! I've been away from the computer all day. OMG. Thank you for letting us know.


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## Bailey&Me (Mar 8, 2010)

Oh no, I did not know that  I am so devestated for Crystal. I will have her and her family in my thoughts and prayers.


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## vjw (Dec 20, 2006)

So sad. My sympathies to family and friends.


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## uniquelovdolce (Mar 10, 2010)

Just read this here. I am so so sorry. Crystal my prayers are with you n your family.


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## Madison's Mom (Dec 26, 2007)

I am so sorry to hear this news. Prayers are being said for Crystal and her family.


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## MaryH (Mar 7, 2006)

Crystal, you and all who loved your Dad are in my thoughts and prayers. May the love he shared with all of you sustain you in your grief and bring you some measure of comfort in the days ahead. When you start to feel alone please try to remember that you have been blessed with a very special angel now watching over you.


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

Thanks for letting us know, Maggie.:smcry: I hadn't seen Crystal's FB page and just came on the computer. I'm so shocked. I know that he hasn't been well and they were deciding on what course of treatment he might take. 

Crystal, I'm so very sorry. I'm sending prayers to you and your mom and know that you will now have an amazing Guardian Angel watching over you and her. I know you've seen your father go through a lot lately and at least now his suffering is over. We're here for you. :smootch:


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## silverhaven (Sep 6, 2009)

That is terribly sad :crying: I am so sorry Crystal you must be devastated. My heart goes out to you at this time. Prayers and hugs for you and your Mum xoxo


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## MalteseJane (Nov 21, 2004)

View attachment 100655


:grouphug::grouphug:


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## Bonnie's Mommie (Mar 2, 2006)

Very sorry to hear this. Crystal, you and your mom are in my thoughts.


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

I'm so sorry to hear about her dad.It must be so devistating to have it happen so suddenly...

Lots of hugs!


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## Harley & Dakotas Mum (Jun 11, 2005)

I'm very saddened to learn of your enormous loss Crystal, you and your family are in my thoughts.


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

Crystal, I am not on SM on Wednesdays so just now picking this up. . .
There is NO loss like the loss of a daddy, to "daddy's little girl" and I know your heart is overwhelmed w/grief---and rightly so. We want to help you share that burden by our prayers, by our expressions of love, and by our commitment to walk with you at this time, that journey of faith we know you have.
May God hold you and your dear family in the palm of HIS hands
my love, sandi


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## CeeCee's Mom (Sep 14, 2006)

Crystal, I am just heartbroken to hear about your Dad. I sent you an email yesterday not knowing that he had passed. It is 4:00am and I am up and cannot sleep. Please know I am here for you if you need to talk. I hope your Mother is doing alright. The last thing I read was that you were at some sort of emergency care. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your Mother. I know how much you loved and cared for your Father. I will say prayers for you. Sending love, my friend.:heart:


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## TLR (Nov 13, 2011)

So sorry to hear this. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Summergirl73 (Sep 18, 2011)

Oh Crystal, I am so very sorry for the loss of your Daddy. Lifting up prayers for you and your family.rayer:


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## Maidto2Maltese (Oct 19, 2004)

Crystal.. so sorry!! Know you and your mom are in my prayers during this very difficult time .


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## LexiMom (Feb 7, 2012)

I am so sorry for your loss Crystal my thoughts and prayers are with you an your family


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## aprilb (Jul 9, 2010)

Maggie, thanks for letting us know..poor Crystal-she's been through a lot.:crying: I am praying.


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## LuvMyBoys (Jan 2, 2012)

I am so sorry to hear this sad news. My sincerest condolences to Crystal and her mom.


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## lynda (Oct 11, 2005)

Crystal my prayers are with you and your mom.rayer:


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## Maglily (Feb 3, 2009)

Oh my goodness, my heart is breaking. I am so shocked and so sad. Crystal you are close in thought and I wish I could be there with you.


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## Tanner's Mom (May 27, 2005)

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## lyndy (Jul 9, 2011)

I am so sorry for your loss crystal and will keep you in my prayers.


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## mom2bijou (Oct 19, 2006)

Crystal my friend...I'm heartbroken for you and your family. I know this tremendous pain that you all are going through. It hurts so much to know what you are feeling. I know how much your Dad meant to you and you were an amazing daughter to him. Please accept my deepest condolences to you and your entire family my friend. Much love and prayers being sent. Love you Crystal.


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## BellaEnzo (Nov 1, 2011)

Crystal, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain that you are feeling. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.


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## donnad (Aug 22, 2006)

I am so sorry for her loss. My prayers are with Crystal and her family.


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## The A Team (Dec 1, 2005)

OH NO!!!! Oh Crystal, I am heartbroken for your loss! I know how much your father meant to you, and I can't even imagine this happening....I keep thinking about my dad and how close we are....


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## Maisie and Me (Mar 12, 2009)

Dear Crystal, I can only tell you how my heart breaks for you, My Dad passed away from the same diagnosis 1 week before my first child was born. Back then it was 2 wks form dx to death. I feel your shock and pain and will keep all of your family in my prayers. I am soooo sorry for all of you.:crying::crying 2:.


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## Ladysmom (Oct 19, 2004)

Crystal, I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your mom in my prayers.


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## MoonDog (Jun 6, 2011)

(((Crystal))) I'm so very, very sorry. I'm thinking about you and praying for you and your Mom.


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## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

Crystal -- I am heartbroken for you. I know how much you loved and cared for your Dad and know how close the 2 of you were. Sending prayers and hugs for your and your family. Remember that you Dad is now at peace -- but his spirit will always be with you watching over you and guiding you. Coincidentally, this is the anniversary of my Mom's passing (7 years). Wish I could just reach through the computer, hug you and let you cry until you're completely cried out.

Maggie -- thanks so much for letting us know.


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## chichi (Apr 12, 2007)

Crystal, i am so very sorry for the loss of your dear father,I know how much he meant to you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your mom.:grouphug::grouphug:


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## Lovkins mama (Dec 15, 2011)

Peace be with you Chrystal and your family during this time.


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## Lovkins mama (Dec 15, 2011)

Peace be with you and your family


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## KAG (Jun 1, 2006)

My heart and prayers are with you and your Family, sweet girl. Love you.
xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxooxox


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## HaleysMom (Jun 4, 2009)

I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.


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## godiva goddess (Nov 19, 2007)

Sending you my prayers Crystal!


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## sassy's mommy (Aug 29, 2005)

Crystal I am so sorry to read about your father. We are keeping you and your family in our thoughts and prayers for strength in this difficult time.


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## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

I'm so sorry Crystal, it's so hard even when we know how ill they are, it's especially hard when it's a mom or a daddy. I know how close you are to your dad and mom, my heart is breaking for you, your dear mom who has lost her precious husband and to the rest of your family.
I believe with all my heart God has a time for each of us, he called your daddy home, I praise God your daddy didn't have to endure more pain, God is good even in the midst of sorrow, he holds us up and gentle wipes our tears, I have been praying for you and your dear mom, and will continue during this time of great loss. I love you

Heavenly Father, we come to you with sadness in our hearts for our dear friend Crystal and her mom, Lord many of us know the deep pain and great loss they are feeling, hold them close, may they feel your touch of love and compassion, wipe their tears, give them your sweet rest. Lord give them your peace that passes all understanding. Thank you Lord for the wonderful years they have had with their dad and husband, may they find joy in their memories. Heaven is rejoicing and welcoming home Crystal's daddy. Thank you Lord for being there for each of us. In Jesus name I pray. Amen

PSALMS 23


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## Deborah (Jan 8, 2006)

I am so very sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
With deepest sympathy,
Deborah


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## Hunter's Mom (Dec 8, 2008)

I have come back to this post several times because I haven't been able to find just the right words to tell you how deeply I feel for you and your mom (and the rest of the family). Please know we love you and are sending you our everything.


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## RudyRoo (Jun 24, 2011)

I am so saddened by this news. This is one of those moments where I wish we could all jump out of the computer and give you a big group hug Crystal. 

We are thinking of you and your family.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:


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## Malt Shoppe (Jul 20, 2011)

_Crystal, my deepest condolences to you and your family on your loss. May God help all of your dear father's loved ones and friends endure this great loss and give all of you strength._


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## revakb2 (Sep 8, 2006)

I am so sorry to hear the news. Prayers are being said for Crystal and the rest of her family.


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## =supermanskivvies= (Aug 7, 2008)

Crystal, I'm so sorry. You and your family will be in my thoughts.


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## angel's mom (Feb 14, 2007)

I'm so sorry to hear this. Crystal, you and your mom are in my prayers. It's so hard to lose a parent. Hugs


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## Katkoota (Feb 18, 2006)

I was so shocked to find out in FB 

I am so sorry for the loss Crystal :grouphug: I pray that you'll find comfort very soon and you'll be able to remember your dad with fond memories :heart:


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## cyndrae (Aug 30, 2009)

Thinking of you in this sad time, Crystal.


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## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

just thinking of you and your dear mom this evening, I know how hard this is for you, I know many of us are holding you both up in prayer
I'm sure little Zoe is wondering where grandpa is, love you


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## pammy4501 (Aug 8, 2007)

I'm so sorry Crystal. Although I know how concerned you were about your Dad's health issues, this came very suddely. My heart goes out to you and your Mom. You are both in my thoughts.


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## Cosy (Feb 9, 2006)

I saw it on FB but I will tell you again, Crystal, how very sorry I am for you and your mom. Hugs to you both.


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## CeeCee's Mom (Sep 14, 2006)

I am thinking of you and your Mom tonight. This was so sudden and I pray that you both are getting enough sleep. Please know I am praying that your heart will be healed from this heavy grief. God Bless you Crystal:heart:


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## angel's mom (Feb 14, 2007)

Hugs. May you feel the comfort and warmth of Jesus' arms surrounding you as you go through each day.


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## CrystalAndZoe (Jul 11, 2006)

Thank you everyone for all your comforting words. I'm sorry I've not been able to bring myself to respond until now. To those who have sent me private messages, I've not been up to responding to any yet, so please forgive me. I want you all to know how many times I've come here and read what was written. I truly treasure everyone's words of comfort. Thank you.

My Dad had a really good week and weekend. He had been off the Chemo drug for almost 3 weeks and we were preparing to start on an infusion Chemo in a couple of weeks. We had heard that those who did not do well on the drug did well on the infusion treatment. We were told that most likely Dad would not die of the leukemia if we could keep it in the chronic stage. I felt ok to leave last weekend for a fun trip to see Maggie, Sweetness and Tessa. I got home Sunday night and one of the first things Dad told me was, "Crystal, today was such a good day. I really enjoyed it." They went to eat dinner with some friends and he learned a new way to make shrimp. So his next project was to find a good source for fresh shrimp and try to replicate the recipe. It was so good to have my Dad back again. THIS was my Dad. On Monday I came down with a terrible cold and stayed in my part of the house all day because I didn't want Dad to catch it since his immune system was still probably compromised. I wish I had spent the day with him. On Tuesday when I got home from the store, Dad was already asleep in his recliner with Zoe on his lap. I got home later then normal that night so this was not unusual. Mom was telling me of the "fiasco" that had happened earlier that day but was chuckling as she told me. She said, mockingly, they were in just great shape that day. Mom's hip was really acting up and she was walking with a cane that evening. She even asked me to get her a walker she felt that unsteady on her feet. I knew her pain was really great for her to break down and use a walker. Thankfully her hip pain is much better and she's walking pretty much unassisted now. But then she told me how Dad was feeling so good that day and it was such a bright clear day, he wanted to get his truck out of storage and drive it to his hair appointment that afternoon. She drove down to pick him up when he was parking his truck and he was on the garage floor struggling to get up. She painted a fairly comical picture of these '2 old decrepit people' trying to help each other. He had dropped the garage door opener and lost his balance when he bent to pick it up. They had gone out to eat that evening. Everything seemed fine. It never once occurred to me to ask if Dad had hit his head. I mean....how hard of a fall could it have been if he was bending down to pick up a garage door opener? I should have realized this when Mom said his hearing aid was on the garage floor and they had to search for the battery. Why didn't I think about it? I cleaned up the kitchen for Mom since she was hurting so badly and woke Dad to see if he wanted me to save something or throw it out that he had started to eat but didn't finish. He woke up and told me to just throw it out. Nothing was unusual. I was still not feeling well from my cold so I went to my part of the house and laid down to watch TV and snuggle with the kidz. I let them out at 11:00 and went to bed. Dad had gone to bed already and Mom was still up. At midnight a get a call from my Mom to come and help her. Dad was throwing up. She was concerned perhaps he had eaten some bad peaches right before bed. I checked them and they were fine. She was concerned perhaps this was a reaction to one of his meds but I told her I found that unlikely since he's been on them this long without a reaction. She then asked if I thought he was having a stroke since he wasn't on chemo. I told her he didn't really show symptoms of a stroke. He was vomiting and complained of a headache. I thought perhaps he had gotten the flu since he was out and about so much that week. 1:00 am she called me again. He was having trouble getting up from kneeling at the toilet to vomit and was pretty shaky. She asked if we should take him to the hospital and Dad said he just wanted to go back to bed and lay down. Again all he complained of was a headache. I thought since he's 80, has artificial knees, a bad hip and the flu, it's pretty normal to be weak and shaky and I knew how mad Dad was when we took him to the ER on Jan. 2. I told Mom I really didn't think we needed to take him to the ER and that we would all get more rest if we stayed home. If continued to throw up, then we would go to the ER. At 2:00 am she called me again. Dad was sitting on the edge of the bed throwing up into a bucket but he could not sit up straight. When I reached for him to help him sit up straight I realized he was unable to help at all. We managed to get him back down on the bed and he was pretty much unresponsive at that point. We called the ambulance. The first CT scan showed a subdural hematoma. We were advised to take him to Fort Wayne to a neurosurgeon so he could relieve the pressure. Prognosis was good. We were preparing to go to Fort Wayne and we got the results of the 2nd CT scan. The bleeding was far worse then the first one revealed. The surgeon said he would still take him, but would not advise it. He felt there was very little chance Dad would survive the surgery and if he did, the best case would be paralysis on one side. We knew Dad would not want to live that way so we made the decision to remove the intubation tube. Dad was gone within an hour. I still can't quite wrap my head around this. I could have had Dad at the ER 2 hours earlier. It was my recommendation to Mom to wait. The Drs and nurses all told me 2 hours would not have made a difference. But how do we know that? Why didn't I think right away when I heard he fell to take him? I was supposed to help care for my parents and I made the decision that was the worst possible decision I could have made.

Zoe is lost. She's searching for Dad. She doesn't know where to sleep at night. She's starting to want to come to bed with me and Jett and Callie again, but Mom needs her so I'm encouraging her to go with Mom. I hope I'm not doing something that will affect Zoe badly that I will regret. Mom needs her right now.

And I need my Dad. And my world to be right again. For those who have already walked through this, some even multiple times, I'm so sorry. I had no idea how hard this is. When can you start to speak again without crying? And how will I ever live with the fact that it was my decision that my have ended his life?


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## allheart (Oct 3, 2008)

Crystal&Zoe said:


> Thank you everyone for all your comforting words. I'm sorry I've not been able to bring myself to respond until now. To those who have sent me private messages, I've not been up to responding to any yet, so please forgive me. I want you all to know how many times I've come here and read what was written. I truly treasure everyone's words of comfort. Thank you.
> 
> My Dad had a really good week and weekend. He had been off the Chemo drug for almost 3 weeks and we were preparing to start on an infusion Chemo in a couple of weeks. We had heard that those who did not do well on the drug did well on the infusion treatment. We were told that most likely Dad would not die of the leukemia if we could keep it in the chronic stage. I felt ok to leave last weekend for a fun trip to see Maggie, Sweetness and Tessa. I got home Sunday night and one of the first things Dad told me was, "Crystal, today was such a good day. I really enjoyed it." They went to eat dinner with some friends and he learned a new way to make shrimp. So his next project was to find a good source for fresh shrimp and try to replicate the recipe. It was so good to have my Dad back again. THIS was my Dad. On Monday I came down with a terrible cold and stayed in my part of the house all day because I didn't want Dad to catch it since his immune system was still probably compromised. I wish I had spent the day with him. On Tuesday when I got home from the store, Dad was already asleep in his recliner with Zoe on his lap. I got home later then normal that night so this was not unusual. Mom was telling me of the "fiasco" that had happened earlier that day but was chuckling as she told me. She said, mockingly, they were in just great shape that day. Mom's hip was really acting up and she was walking with a cane that evening. She even asked me to get her a walker she felt that unsteady on her feet. I knew her pain was really great for her to break down and use a walker. Thankfully her hip pain is much better and she's walking pretty much unassisted now. But then she told me how Dad was feeling so good that day and it was such a bright clear day, he wanted to get his truck out of storage and drive it to his hair appointment that afternoon. She drove down to pick him up when he was parking his truck and he was on the garage floor struggling to get up. She painted a fairly comical picture of these '2 old decrepit people' trying to help each other. He had dropped the garage door opener and lost his balance when he bent to pick it up. They had gone out to eat that evening. Everything seemed fine. It never once occurred to me to ask if Dad had hit his head. I mean....how hard of a fall could it have been if he was bending down to pick up a garage door opener? I should have realized this when Mom said his hearing aid was on the garage floor and they had to search for the battery. Why didn't I think about it? I cleaned up the kitchen for Mom since she was hurting so badly and woke Dad to see if he wanted me to save something or throw it out that he had started to eat but didn't finish. He woke up and told me to just throw it out. Nothing was unusual. I was still not feeling well from my cold so I went to my part of the house and laid down to watch TV and snuggle with the kidz. I let them out at 11:00 and went to bed. Dad had gone to bed already and Mom was still up. At midnight a get a call from my Mom to come and help her. Dad was throwing up. She was concerned perhaps he had eaten some bad peaches right before bed. I checked them and they were fine. She was concerned perhaps this was a reaction to one of his meds but I told her I found that unlikely since he's been on them this long without a reaction. She then asked if I thought he was having a stroke since he wasn't on chemo. I told her he didn't really show symptoms of a stroke. He was vomiting and complained of a headache. I thought perhaps he had gotten the flu since he was out and about so much that week. 1:00 am she called me again. He was having trouble getting up from kneeling at the toilet to vomit and was pretty shaky. She asked if we should take him to the hospital and Dad said he just wanted to go back to bed and lay down. Again all he complained of was a headache. I thought since he's 80, has artificial knees, a bad hip and the flu, it's pretty normal to be weak and shaky and I knew how mad Dad was when we took him to the ER on Jan. 2. I told Mom I really didn't think we needed to take him to the ER and that we would all get more rest if we stayed home. If continued to throw up, then we would go to the ER. At 2:00 am she called me again. Dad was sitting on the edge of the bed throwing up into a bucket but he could not sit up straight. When I reached for him to help him sit up straight I realized he was unable to help at all. We managed to get him back down on the bed and he was pretty much unresponsive at that point. We called the ambulance. The first CT scan showed a subdural hematoma. We were advised to take him to Fort Wayne to a neurosurgeon so he could relieve the pressure. Prognosis was good. We were preparing to go to Fort Wayne and we got the results of the 2nd CT scan. The bleeding was far worse then the first one revealed. The surgeon said he would still take him, but would not advise it. He felt there was very little chance Dad would survive the surgery and if he did, the best case would be paralysis on one side. We knew Dad would not want to live that way so we made the decision to remove the intubation tube. Dad was gone within an hour. I still can't quite wrap my head around this. I could have had Dad at the ER 2 hours earlier. It was my recommendation to Mom to wait. The Drs and nurses all told me 2 hours would not have made a difference. But how do we know that? Why didn't I think right away when I heard he fell to take him? I was supposed to help care for my parents and I made the decision that was the worst possible decision I could have made.
> 
> ...


Crystal, all the blessings and love in the world is in my heart for you and Mom. Please don't question yourself about having Zoe, sleep with Mom. These babies understand things more than we realize. My heart is crying for you.

Crystal, sadly we have walked a very similar path with my Father-in-law. I'll keep the story short. One of his legs had to be removed. A bit while later, the feeding tube issue came up. Hubby said no way. I was beside myself. Then another Doctor came in, when hubby was downstaris calling his brother, to let him know what was going on, and the doctor told me, they will have to take the other leg. It was then that I came to terms with no feeding tube. Hubby asked the feeding tube surgeon, " if this was your Dad, would you put in a feeding tube". The doctor said, "No, I would not". So we had to make that choice and brought him home for hospice care. So some of the most loving decsions, are the hardest. You wanted Dad to get better, and it was the only route to go.

My father and father-in-law died a week a part. 

Did I cry when my Father-in-law passed, oh my gosh you bet. Could I breath, hardly. Same with my Dad. But I will tell you this, I feel my Father with me, more now than ever and I truly mean that.

Yes, it is the worst feeling anyone can experience, as though your heart is being ripped out. 

Do we have any guilt about the feeding tube? Does hubby? No. Just like you, we loved him so much, it was the best for him. Just like your Dad, you had to try and you did. I always feel, as hard as it is, that in these special cases, God spares these special ones, from future pain. This is so hard to digest now, boy do I understand.

Is it still hard, yes, they both passed in 2005, but everyday, I feel their embrace and love.

Travel this road that you need to, cry those tears, it's all normal, very normal, but I promise you, with everything in me, Dad is holding your hand right now.

God love you, and we are all here for you through this most difficult time, and even more importantly, God is with you, understands, and His love is embracing you and Mom.

The passing of my Father-in-law, was not a shock, but the passing of my Father was.

I hope you know how much I love you.

Love,
Christine


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## silverhaven (Sep 6, 2009)

Crystal we always search for the what-if's when we lose someone we love. You were trying your hardest to be the best daughter you can be. They, we, the Doctors and Nurses all know that. At that age they can be so fragile and ornery, and don't take too kindly to being messed about with, we are going through this too, so you pick your battles based on the situation. My in-laws have certainly had several falls since they moved here in their suite. We have never taken them to ER afterwards. Frankly if Mum had been sick afterwards we may not have done either, because she often is sick, with a delicate tummy. Stress makes her sick so a fall would likely do that. They said taking him in earlier wouldn't have made any difference.....so hold on to that dear Crystal. :grouphug: hopefully soon you will be able to put that out of your head and only remember the good last few days. I am sure Zoe will be comforted by your Mum, as she is by her. It is going to be hard for all of you for quite some time. But you will get through it. You will still cry, but less and less. We love you Crystal, you are in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Maglily (Feb 3, 2009)

Dear Crystal , trying to find the words.... I don't know this feeling only the fear of it happening when it comes too close. My heart aches for you all.

Yes, don't feel bad about Zoe she is confused but she'll be ok with your mom, she loves your mom afterall and she knows you are close by.

Guilt and regret are so hard.
I am sure thou thought that your Dad wouldn't want you to feel bad. Everyone knew you were there to help them, don't doubt your ability - that hasn't changed. Remember the drs. have seen this situation before and know. And your Dad was so mad on Jan 2 when you took him to the ER, I mean all your decisions were based on what you knew at the time and you also have to respect what your father wants and not ignore him. 
I'm so glad the last few days were good ones, I was thinking too, that time you spent away because of your cold, also meant your mom and dad spent the day together. Believe me though your father knew you weren't far away, I know mine barely talks when I'm home but I know they both enjoy just knowing I'm there.

I don't know what else to say but I'm thinking of you and wish I could be there to help in some way.


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

Crystal, so many good thoughts from people for you to remember & I liked what Brenda said about your parents "spending their last day together."
Sometimes we think doctors & we have the power to do things we wish could be done---but in the end no one is God---He is the giver and receiver of life & for each of us our days are numbered. 
You were/and are a loving and caring daughter. I would be delighted to have you care for me as you have cared for your parents! 
Sending you rest, peace and the joy of knowing beyond a doubt that you will see your dad again!


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## MalteseJane (Nov 21, 2004)

> And how will I ever live with the fact that it was my decision that my have ended his life?


Crystal it was not your decision. It was his time to go. It was meant to be. When you look back, think of the happy days he had before leaving. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

Oh Crystal it was not your decision that ended his life. I wish you could see what wonderful beauty there was in the process. The couple of wonderful days and then a fast and not too difficult trip. I have watched and am still watching several of my dear relatives struggle every minute of their long lives. I will never wash away the memory of my uncle lying in bed, for days, so thin I could have carried him, long, hard days after years of pain and fear. I don't want to go through that. I want to have a nice day and then...............

I lost my father this past June, but the truth is I lost him three years ago. I still cry, but I cried to see him so weak and only a shadow.

It was not your fault in any way.


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## Summergirl73 (Sep 18, 2011)

Oh Crystal, please, please don't beat yourself up. That would be the very last thing your Dad would want you to do. You made the best choice you could, based on the information that you had at the time. You acted out of love 100% and that is never wrong. I too made some choices during the last week of my Dads life that I regret deeply, so I understand what it feels like to "miss the signs" and kick yourself. The reality is we're not super-human, we are just daughters. We do the best we can. We love our Dads the best we know how. Oh how I wish there were a magic pill to ease your grief. You asked when the tears stop....I'm not sure they ever really do. Sometimes the tears will be there from sad memories, sometimes from funny ones, sometimes from a smell that reminds you of your Dad. Just allow the tears to come when they come. Don't apologize for them, you don't even have to explain them. Just let them be a part of you. Allow yourself the grace and time you need to just heal. Please know that we are all here for you and that you are safe to scream, laugh and yep cry right here. Hugs and prayers to you.♥


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## allheart (Oct 3, 2008)

Sylie said:


> Oh Crystal it was not your decision that ended his life. I wish you could see what wonderful beauty there was in the process. The couple of wonderful days and then a fast and not too difficult trip. I have watched and am still watching several of my dear relatives struggle every minute of their long lives. I will never wash away the memory of my uncle lying in bed, for days, so thin I could have carried him, long, hard days after years of pain and fear. I don't want to go through that. I want to have a nice day and then...............
> 
> I lost my father this past June, but the truth is I lost him three years ago. I still cry, but I cried to see him so weak and only a shadow.
> 
> It was not your fault in any way.


 
So very true, as hard as it is now Crystal, and oh boy do we know how hard it is, for God to spare any suffering, is a blessing, it is us left behind, that hurt so bad. No consolation at all right now, I know. Again, you and Mom are deeply in my prayers.


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

Crystal - I just sent you an e-mail. My brother-in-law died in much the same way and my sister-in-law is a nurse and didn't pick up on the fall repercussions, nor did the hospital. 
So many SM members have come here with words of wisdom and I too believe, it was your dad's time to go and I think that's why he was having some good days finally. He knew his time was near and he was being called to heaven. :smootch:


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## mysugarbears (Aug 13, 2007)

Crystal i am so sorry about the loss of your dad, i haven't been able to find the right words and still haven't. Please don't beat yourself up and think that it's your fault, just think of the wonderful couple of days he had before his passing. I think it's just natural to think of the what if's when someone we love so much passes away. :grouphug:


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## Furbabies mom (Jul 25, 2011)

I'm kind of new here and don't know everyone's personal stories, but just the time that I've been around, I always thought that you were a wonderful daughter. You've been there for your parents, and they could always depend on you. Your love shone through your posts for them and it was beautiful. I'm so sorry for your loss and you will grieve for him , but eventually you'll only remember the wonderful times that you shared with your dad . My prayers continue for you and your mom.


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## gigigirlz (Jun 18, 2007)

Crystal...believe me I know the pain you are in....it is heartwrenching....when does it get easier...I'm not sure....I lost my Mom on May 27 of 2011....everyday is still filled with things maybe I should have done differently....but if I dwell on them I know she will not rest so for her sake I try not to....you have to let your Father rest too....pray...that is all I can offer you...it has seemed to help me...Love You...hugs...


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## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

Crystal honey I know you are so broken right now, it's easy to look back and wish we would have done things differently, but what we forget is that God is in control. I believe with all my heart God was so merciful to your daddy, you dear daddy had a couple days of pure joy, he was feeling like his old self, he spent time with dear friends and time with you and his precious wife, he even had little Zoe on his lap probaly all day, he didn't have to stay in a hospital taking some kind of cemo, feeling sicker each day, no he was with those he loved. Crystal, heaven rejoiced when your daddy went home, they greeted him. I know when my time comes to go home I will be so happy to enter heaven and see my Lord and Savior, being with all my loved ones who have gone before me, just think that's what your daddy is doing now.
You are going to have many weeks ahead that are so hard, times when you feel so strong and times when you weep at a seconds notice. I wish I could hug you and grab your hands and pray with you, I am far away but my spirit is there with you, I will continue my prayers for all of you and little Zoe, she is so mixed up wondering where her grandpa is, she will grieve just like you, don't let your mind go with the what if's that isn't from God, he only wants you to be at peace in your soul. One morning you will wake and see sunshine again I promise. I love you


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## Katkoota (Feb 18, 2006)

I agree with what everyone said , Crystal :grouphug:


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## Rocky's Mom (Apr 10, 2010)

Just seeing this post...praying for Crystal and the family. Sad news.


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## Rocky's Mom (Apr 10, 2010)

Oh Crystal, I am so very sorry. I already PM'd you before I read this post. You did the best you can do..you are not a doctor or nurse. How were you to know he bumped his head. I would think he would have told you he did, but perhaps he didn't remember or realize it. This is very sudden and this is how I lost my Dad. It's very difficult, but with God's help you will get through this and in time the pain eases and you cry less. I can remember crying and saying I feel like someone punched me in the heart. So I understand sweet Crystal how you feel. We all know what a wonderful daughter you are and what good care you take of your parents. Your Mama is going to need you to be strong, but remember to take care of you too! 

Dianne xoxo




Crystal&Zoe said:


> Thank you everyone for all your comforting words. I'm sorry I've not been able to bring myself to respond until now. To those who have sent me private messages, I've not been up to responding to any yet, so please forgive me. I want you all to know how many times I've come here and read what was written. I truly treasure everyone's words of comfort. Thank you.
> 
> My Dad had a really good week and weekend. He had been off the Chemo drug for almost 3 weeks and we were preparing to start on an infusion Chemo in a couple of weeks. We had heard that those who did not do well on the drug did well on the infusion treatment. We were told that most likely Dad would not die of the leukemia if we could keep it in the chronic stage. I felt ok to leave last weekend for a fun trip to see Maggie, Sweetness and Tessa. I got home Sunday night and one of the first things Dad told me was, "Crystal, today was such a good day. I really enjoyed it." They went to eat dinner with some friends and he learned a new way to make shrimp. So his next project was to find a good source for fresh shrimp and try to replicate the recipe. It was so good to have my Dad back again. THIS was my Dad. On Monday I came down with a terrible cold and stayed in my part of the house all day because I didn't want Dad to catch it since his immune system was still probably compromised. I wish I had spent the day with him. On Tuesday when I got home from the store, Dad was already asleep in his recliner with Zoe on his lap. I got home later then normal that night so this was not unusual. Mom was telling me of the "fiasco" that had happened earlier that day but was chuckling as she told me. She said, mockingly, they were in just great shape that day. Mom's hip was really acting up and she was walking with a cane that evening. She even asked me to get her a walker she felt that unsteady on her feet. I knew her pain was really great for her to break down and use a walker. Thankfully her hip pain is much better and she's walking pretty much unassisted now. But then she told me how Dad was feeling so good that day and it was such a bright clear day, he wanted to get his truck out of storage and drive it to his hair appointment that afternoon. She drove down to pick him up when he was parking his truck and he was on the garage floor struggling to get up. She painted a fairly comical picture of these '2 old decrepit people' trying to help each other. He had dropped the garage door opener and lost his balance when he bent to pick it up. They had gone out to eat that evening. Everything seemed fine. It never once occurred to me to ask if Dad had hit his head. I mean....how hard of a fall could it have been if he was bending down to pick up a garage door opener? I should have realized this when Mom said his hearing aid was on the garage floor and they had to search for the battery. Why didn't I think about it? I cleaned up the kitchen for Mom since she was hurting so badly and woke Dad to see if he wanted me to save something or throw it out that he had started to eat but didn't finish. He woke up and told me to just throw it out. Nothing was unusual. I was still not feeling well from my cold so I went to my part of the house and laid down to watch TV and snuggle with the kidz. I let them out at 11:00 and went to bed. Dad had gone to bed already and Mom was still up. At midnight a get a call from my Mom to come and help her. Dad was throwing up. She was concerned perhaps he had eaten some bad peaches right before bed. I checked them and they were fine. She was concerned perhaps this was a reaction to one of his meds but I told her I found that unlikely since he's been on them this long without a reaction. She then asked if I thought he was having a stroke since he wasn't on chemo. I told her he didn't really show symptoms of a stroke. He was vomiting and complained of a headache. I thought perhaps he had gotten the flu since he was out and about so much that week. 1:00 am she called me again. He was having trouble getting up from kneeling at the toilet to vomit and was pretty shaky. She asked if we should take him to the hospital and Dad said he just wanted to go back to bed and lay down. Again all he complained of was a headache. I thought since he's 80, has artificial knees, a bad hip and the flu, it's pretty normal to be weak and shaky and I knew how mad Dad was when we took him to the ER on Jan. 2. I told Mom I really didn't think we needed to take him to the ER and that we would all get more rest if we stayed home. If continued to throw up, then we would go to the ER. At 2:00 am she called me again. Dad was sitting on the edge of the bed throwing up into a bucket but he could not sit up straight. When I reached for him to help him sit up straight I realized he was unable to help at all. We managed to get him back down on the bed and he was pretty much unresponsive at that point. We called the ambulance. The first CT scan showed a subdural hematoma. We were advised to take him to Fort Wayne to a neurosurgeon so he could relieve the pressure. Prognosis was good. We were preparing to go to Fort Wayne and we got the results of the 2nd CT scan. The bleeding was far worse then the first one revealed. The surgeon said he would still take him, but would not advise it. He felt there was very little chance Dad would survive the surgery and if he did, the best case would be paralysis on one side. We knew Dad would not want to live that way so we made the decision to remove the intubation tube. Dad was gone within an hour. I still can't quite wrap my head around this. I could have had Dad at the ER 2 hours earlier. It was my recommendation to Mom to wait. The Drs and nurses all told me 2 hours would not have made a difference. But how do we know that? Why didn't I think right away when I heard he fell to take him? I was supposed to help care for my parents and I made the decision that was the worst possible decision I could have made.
> 
> ...


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## CeeCee's Mom (Sep 14, 2006)

Oh Crystal, please don't second guess yourself. You had been sick and you had been working and taking care of your parents. You did not know what was going on inside your Dad's head. Just know that he is at peace and will never hurt again. The hurting is here on earth from missing him. I am so sorry you are going through this because you are a wonderful person. Don't dwell on the what if's, only what is. I can bet you if your Dad could talk to you right now, he would say, don't worry about this and heal your heart. I am fine now.

I lost my Mom first and then my Dad two years later and I know what you are going through. Please take one day at a time, cherish your Mom and move forward. Remember your Dad but do not carry this burden around of what ifs. He would not want you to do this. Please know we are always here for you if you need to talk. You may find this hard to believe but after the grieving period, you will start feeling more like yourself. God will take care of you and your Mom. I am so glad that she has Zoe and you have your Mom and Callie and Jett. We miss you so much.....come back to us when you can. We will be waiting..........:heart:


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## angel's mom (Feb 14, 2007)

Matilda's mommy said:


> Crystal honey I know you are so broken right now, it's easy to look back and wish we would have done things differently, but what we forget is that God is in control. I believe with all my heart God was so merciful to your daddy, you dear daddy had a couple days of pure joy, he was feeling like his old self, he spent time with dear friends and time with you and his precious wife, he even had little Zoe on his lap probaly all day, he didn't have to stay in a hospital taking some kind of cemo, feeling sicker each day, no he was with those he loved. Crystal, heaven rejoiced when your daddy went home, they greeted him. I know when my time comes to go home I will be so happy to enter heaven and see my Lord and Savior, being with all my loved ones who have gone before me, just think that's what your daddy is doing now.
> You are going to have many weeks ahead that are so hard, times when you feel so strong and times when you weep at a seconds notice. I wish I could hug you and grab your hands and pray with you, I am far away but my spirit is there with you, I will continue my prayers for all of you and little Zoe, she is so mixed up wondering where her grandpa is, she will grieve just like you, don't let your mind go with the what if's that isn't from God, he only wants you to be at peace in your soul. One morning you will wake and see sunshine again I promise. I love you


Paula, you have such a wonderful way with words. Thank you for saying so eloquently what many of us couldn't express. Crystal, you made the best decisions you could given the knowledge that you had. EVERY decision you made, you made out of the love you have for your dad. You can not blame yourself for that. God's timing, not ours. hugs & prayers, dear lady.


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

Crystal, you have absolutely been the best daughter to both your father and your mother. Please never doubt that you didn't do everything possible to help and be there for your Dad. Crystal, your dad is at peace now ... and, feeling no more pain. 

I admire you for all you have done for your parents ... and, at the same time, keeping your boutique up and running, too. And, you are always there for your friends and customers. 

I wish I could help take away the pain you are feeling. I continue to pray that God gives you strength, comfort and peace ... and, that before long, you will enjoy many days filled with sunshine and rainbows.

I'm sending you love and hugs. I wish I could hug you in person.


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## linfran (Jun 24, 2007)

So sorry for your loss Crystal. Linda


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## CeeCee's Mom (Sep 14, 2006)

angel's mom said:


> Paula, you have such a wonderful way with words. Thank you for saying so eloquently what many of us couldn't express. Crystal, you made the best decisions you could given the knowledge that you had. EVERY decision you made, you made out of the love you have for your dad. You can not blame yourself for that. God's timing, not ours. hugs & prayers, dear lady.


I agree with you Lynn, Paula's reply to Crystal was spot on!


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## KAG (Jun 1, 2006)

Dear sweet girl,
I want you to listen to me, because I know. There is not a handbook in the world for caregivers that explains every little thing that can happen. 

You rearranged your life to be with your Parents. You were always there for your Father. How proud he must have been of his daughter. 

Grieve the loss of your Father. Cry because you love him and will miss him. You'll always miss him, sweet girl. That never goes away. Yet, someday your tears will stop. I promise. 

You were there, Crystal. You were always there. I commend you for all you have done. Please be kind to yourself. Like I said, I know. 

I love you.
xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoox


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

KAG said:


> Dear sweet girl,
> I want you to listen to me, because I know. There is not a handbook in the world for caregivers that explains every little thing that can happen.
> 
> You rearranged your life to be with your Parents. You were always there for your Father. How proud he must have been of his daughter.
> ...


:goodpost::goodpost::goodpost:


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## zooeysmom (Aug 1, 2011)

Crystal, I couldn't have said it any better than any of our friends here on SM. Please know that you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Love,


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## Hunter's Mom (Dec 8, 2008)

My dearest friend.....I love you!


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## CeeCee's Mom (Sep 14, 2006)

I have been thinking of you on and off all day long. I know this day was filled with a lot of pain. Please know I said prayers for you and your Mom...hugs and love to you both........


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## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

you and your mom have been on my heart also, I will keep praying. love you


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## Mini Pearls Mom (Mar 4, 2011)

I offer you my heartfelt condolences, Crystal. You deserve peace through this time.


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