# just a update on us



## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

I'm not able to sleep and I just felt like I wanted to share with each of you how we are coping with our great loss of our baby girl. Matilda is everything to us, she will always be that precious little bundle of pure love and joy. She always loved, always ready to give a kiss, even to complete strangers. I always said she was almost perfect and truly meant it. 
We are still having a hard time, everything here reminds us of our great loss. I have been thinking about why I am so lost, I have lost other furbabies before, but never has it been so hard. I believe that it's because Matilda has always been more then a dog to me. I truly thought and still do think of her as my daughter, even my grown kids thought of her as their sister. I guess it's because I dressed her, spoiled her, brushed her teeth, hand fed her and put her in her jammies or sweater at night that she was so human to us. We communicated through eyes, and her little things she would do. Most of you understand what I'm talking about.
Now I suffer greatly with missing the routine.
I have ask my doctor for help with coping with my loss. She listened to me try and share about Matilda through tears. I am blessed God sent me such a compassionate doctor. She chose not to have children and instead has two fur children, we cried together, because she loves her babies also.
I will see her this coming week, she is going to help me with a certificate so I am able to have little Maddie go every where with me. I really need to have her close now.
Lorin is grieving in his own way. He spends a great deal of time looking at Matilda's pictures and video's. We both have agreed that in the Spring we are going to sell our house God willing. We are struggling with every where we look it reminds us of happier times. I haven't been able to put Matilda's things away. It will take time.
Maddie is a real blessing to us, she keeps us going. She is so loving and caring to both of us. When we break down crying we go to another area of the house so she doesn't have to see our tears.
Lorin and I both feel your love and prayers, we know that's what's helping us. God promises he will never leave or forsake us, and that's so true. If we didn't have the Lord we would never be able to look forward to our future 
I love each of you so very much, I have my necklace on. I will have Lorin take a picture of it so you can see it.
One day at a time, sometimes one second at a time, but each hour we become a little stronger


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## sherry (Jan 4, 2013)

Bless your heart Paula and Lorin. I know I grieved heavily when I lost my Rocco boy in 2012. But bringing Riley home a couple months later really helped. Your doctor sounds very compassionate, and being able to have Maddie with you wherever you go sounds great.I pray for your grief to lessen and your life to get back to some semblance of normality soon. Sending love and prayers.


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## maggie's mommy (Mar 12, 2006)

Oh my gosh, Paula. My heart aches for you. As you describe your life with Matilda, I totally understand. I feel the same way about my Maggie. She will turn 12 in July and I am trying to enjoy every moment with her. She is healthy now but, as you well know, that could change in an instant. Thank goodness you have Maddie to help ease the pain a little and a doctor who understands. I wish I had words to comfort you but there are none. All I can say is I'm so sorry. I love that picture of Matilda with her ball. She was such a special fluff.


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

Thank you Paula for checking in & letting us know how you & Lorin are doing---you are never far from my (our) heart(s). It is a heavy burden that you are being asked to carry and we know the deep pain that you speak of---:crying::crying: heart wrenching. May you continue to know that we remember you both in our prayers & hearts. I am glad you have a doctor who can empathize with you and is willing to help. Take your time an grieve deeply your loss and one day the sun will surprise you with it's brightness :Sunny Smile: & you will realize that you still carry that precious girl in your heart, :heart: but that the pain has taken on a life of its own & developed into something of a miracle of remembrance in joy. It seems impossible for now, but trust me---you will be surprised. Try to find one thing each day about her that you can give thanks for----it will keep her memory alive in your hearts---and ours. Much love, many prayers. :wub::grouphug::grouphug:


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## wkomorow (Aug 26, 2011)

Thank you for sharing. I think that it helps. I feel your pain in everything that you write. Your pain runs very deep. Of course she was, is, will always be more than a dog to you. Matilda ihad a specialness about her, she had a way of loving everyone she came in contact with and everyone loved her. We don't know why things happen as they do. So much is out of our control. But, the heart does heal, though it may take time. 

I am worried about both you and Lorin. During times of grief, we sometimes do not pay enough attention to ourselves. This can lead to even greater sadness and to sickness. I hope you and Lorin are able to sleep some and to eat nutritiously. 

You have been through a lot in your lives; you have faced life with strength and compassion. Among the pain, you have so many blessings. The decade plus you had with Matilda will always be special Maddie gives you joy, look to her to bring back some happiness in your life. Each day when I look at Luck, I am in wonderment. Each day he seems to find a new silly thing to do that makes me smile, or he gives me a look that just brings me complete joy. You have wonderful children who love you dearly, and who are there for you. You have the most beautiful grandchildren. You have collected both in your heart and in your home wonderful mementos of the happy times in your lives.

This is a difficult time, but remember darkness is simply the absence of light; sadness is the absence of happiness. Light always vanquishes darkness. Happiness always vanquishes sadness. I know it is hard to imagine, but you will be happy again, and will then be able to take joy in the great gift that Matilda was rather then the pain and grief her passing has brought you and Lorin.

Always here for you.


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## jane and addison (Nov 1, 2012)

Progress at your own rate. Know we are here for you.


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## pippersmom (May 21, 2012)

Paula, I truly feel the deep pain and heartache you are going through. I have had many dogs in my lifetime and loved every one of them but with Pipper it's just so different. I couldn't love him any more even if he was one of my human children. It scares me just how deep my feelings are for him. It's because of this that I can truly imagine the sense of loss you are feeling.


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## maggieh (Dec 16, 2007)

Thank you for letting us know how you are doing. Sending you love!


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## lynda (Oct 11, 2005)

Paula, I am wrapping my arms around you from a distance. I hope they will be able to give you some comfort. I know too well the pain you are going through.
Someday you will be able to think of Matilda with a smile on your face instead of tears in your eyes.

Don't know what else to say except you and Lorin are in my thoughts and prayers.:grouphug::grouphug:rayer:rayer:


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## kd1212 (Nov 5, 2013)

I'm so sorry that you're having such a difficult time with the grief. It was for me too--I totally understand. I think the doctor will help. I was going to a grief therapist for my mom when Trevor died and he helped me with him as well. It takes time and each person grieves differently. What I learned is that there is no closure or moving on or time heals all wounds. 

You are loved and supported--not only by me, but by so many. I hope that gives you strength each day.

I think about you every day and I'm here when you need me.

Love you--sending tons of love, hugs and kisses. xoxoxox Kim


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## summergirl1973 (Oct 24, 2016)

Oh if there were only words to help you both heal from your incredible loss. You are so courageous for presenting your concerns with your Doctor, so many would not address such issues. You are a beautiful, strong and caring soul my friend. Please know that we are holding you in our thoughts and prayers. Big hugs.


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

Paula - thank you for checking in and letting us know how you are doing. You are certainly being tested but you just have to slowly take one step at a time. Just as when a spouse or parent dies, they tell us not to make any rash decisions and give it all some time before you make changes that may be life changing. There is such a void when a loved on is gone that it feels like that dark hole will be there forever. Almost like a sinkhole, physically, as a comparison. And then you start to fill it in, slowly but surely, covering up the dark edges, smoothing them out and building it back. It will never look quite the same but it will allow you to walk across it and continue through life.
Matilda's place will never be taken in your heart, but you and Lorin have such big hearts that Maddie and your children and your grandchildren will help your heart sing again. And memories of Matilda will one day bring smiles to your faces again instead of sadness. You'll never get over losing her but you will get on with life as your are needed by each other and by many who count on you.
I looked on the internet and there seems to be a pet loss organization that has a presence in ID. Or you may be able to download some info that you may find helpful. Ten Tips on Coping with Pet Loss
Remember that all of us are here for you and you are never alone. Matilda is in a good place now as she was on earth. :grouphug:

I loved what Walter wrote: "Remember darkness is simply the absence of light; sadness is the absence of happiness. Light always vanquishes darkness. Happiness always vanquishes sadness." Words to live by.


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

Paula, I am so glad you are reaching out to all of your friends here. As I told you last night ... you have so many friends who truly love and care about you. You are not a burden (as you worried about being) when you share how you are doing. True friends are there for the good *and* bad times. All you need to do is read all the loving and supportive posts from everyone here. We all love and care about you.

Love you so much, sweet Paula.


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## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

sherry said:


> Bless your heart Paula and Lorin. I know I grieved heavily when I lost my Rocco boy in 2012. But bringing Riley home a couple months later really helped. Your doctor sounds very compassionate, and being able to have Maddie with you wherever you go sounds great.I pray for your grief to lessen and your life to get back to some semblance of normality soon. Sending love and prayers.


Sherry we are taking one day at a time, today has been good. I am so blessed to have my doctor, she's a God send



maggie's mommy said:


> Oh my gosh, Paula. My heart aches for you. As you describe your life with Matilda, I totally understand. I feel the same way about my Maggie. She will turn 12 in July and I am trying to enjoy every moment with her. She is healthy now but, as you well know, that could change in an instant. Thank goodness you have Maddie to help ease the pain a little and a doctor who understands. I wish I had words to comfort you but there are none. All I can say is I'm so sorry. I love that picture of Matilda with her ball. She was such a special fluff.


Matilda was so healthy her vet said he thought she would live a very long life. I think that's one of the reasons that have shocked us, she was just here happy, playing, giving her kisses. That picture is the last picture I have of her playing with her ball. Lorin came in this morning from the back yard with one of Matilda's balls she has taken out on a potty break. We still have at least 12 inches of snow so to find her ball was so special for us.



edelweiss said:


> Thank you Paula for checking in & letting us know how you & Lorin are doing---you are never far from my (our) heart(s). It is a heavy burden that you are being asked to carry and we know the deep pain that you speak of---:crying::crying: heart wrenching. May you continue to know that we remember you both in our prayers & hearts. I am glad you have a doctor who can empathize with you and is willing to help. Take your time an grieve deeply your loss and one day the sun will surprise you with it's brightness :Sunny Smile: & you will realize that you still carry that precious girl in your heart, :heart: but that the pain has taken on a life of its own & developed into something of a miracle of remembrance in joy. It seems impossible for now, but trust me---you will be surprised. Try to find one thing each day about her that you can give thanks for----it will keep her memory alive in your hearts---and ours. Much love, many prayers. :wub::grouphug::grouphug:


I know it's going to take time and I'll never really get over losing my heart to heart Matilda. But I know who holds my future and my Lord promises not to give me more then I can bare. I hold my Lord tightly, Lorin and I hold hands and pray every night for God's mercy. Maddie is helping us get through, Matilda loved Maddie and Maddie loved Matilda



wkomorow said:


> Thank you for sharing. I think that it helps. I feel your pain in everything that you write. Your pain runs very deep. Of course she was, is, will always be more than a dog to you. Matilda ihad a specialness about her, she had a way of loving everyone she came in contact with and everyone loved her. We don't know why things happen as they do. So much is out of our control. But, the heart does heal, though it may take time.
> 
> I am worried about both you and Lorin. During times of grief, we sometimes do not pay enough attention to ourselves. This can lead to even greater sadness and to sickness. I hope you and Lorin are able to sleep some and to eat nutritiously.
> 
> ...


Walter you are so right our pain is as deep as our breath, but with the deep sadness we also feel Jesus carrying us through, without him we just couldn't do it. You are so right God's light shines through deep darkness, and one day we will once again see the sunshine. death is only a shadow, on the other side of that shadow is pure joy. One day not to far off we all will make the journey home. I look forward to that day, all my life I have waited for the day I could lay at my Jesus feet, just praising him for who he is. I think just maybe my momma is enjoying Matilda I had given Matilda's middle name is my momma would have loved that. I do have to say my heart is still heavy and sad.




jane and addison said:


> Progress at your own rate. Know we are here for you.


Yes I can only allow the healing to happen



pippersmom said:


> Paula, I truly feel the deep pain and heartache you are going through. I have had many dogs in my lifetime and loved every one of them but with Pipper it's just so different. I couldn't love him any more even if he was one of my human children. It scares me just how deep my feelings are for him. It's because of this that I can truly imagine the sense of loss you are feeling.


 
I know you love Pipper like my love for Matilda. Through this great deep hurt I wouldn't have it any other way, I love her so and I am in love with Matilda always will be we are heart to heart. 




maggieh said:


> Thank you for letting us know how you are doing. Sending you love!


Thank you the healing is happening slowly



lynda said:


> Paula, I am wrapping my arms around you from a distance. I hope they will be able to give you some comfort. I know too well the pain you are going through.
> Someday you will be able to think of Matilda with a smile on your face instead of tears in your eyes.
> 
> Don't know what else to say except you and Lorin are in my thoughts and prayers.:grouphug::grouphug:rayer:rayer:


Your prayers keep us strong, thank you



kd1212 said:


> I'm so sorry that you're having such a difficult time with the grief. It was for me too--I totally understand. I think the doctor will help. I was going to a grief therapist for my mom when Trevor died and he helped me with him as well. It takes time and each person grieves differently. What I learned is that there is no closure or moving on or time heals all wounds.
> 
> You are loved and supported--not only by me, but by so many. I hope that gives you strength each day.
> 
> ...


Kim I know you know the pain. Moving on will happen I'm leaning on my Lord. He will bring us through. One day we will pass the grieving. I love you


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## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

summergirl1973 said:


> Oh if there were only words to help you both heal from your incredible loss. You are so courageous for presenting your concerns with your Doctor, so many would not address such issues. You are a beautiful, strong and caring soul my friend. Please know that we are holding you in our thoughts and prayers. Big hugs.


Thank you for your prayers we know with the prayers we will one day see life different, Matilda was my life it's going to take sometime, you understand



Snowbody said:


> Paula - thank you for checking in and letting us know how you are doing. You are certainly being tested but you just have to slowly take one step at a time. Just as when a spouse or parent dies, they tell us not to make any rash decisions and give it all some time before you make changes that may be life changing. There is such a void when a loved on is gone that it feels like that dark hole will be there forever. Almost like a sinkhole, physically, as a comparison. And then you start to fill it in, slowly but surely, covering up the dark edges, smoothing them out and building it back. It will never look quite the same but it will allow you to walk across it and continue through life.
> Matilda's place will never be taken in your heart, but you and Lorin have such big hearts that Maddie and your children and your grandchildren will help your heart sing again. And memories of Matilda will one day bring smiles to your faces again instead of sadness. You'll never get over losing her but you will get on with life as your are needed by each other and by many who count on you.
> I looked on the internet and there seems to be a pet loss organization that has a presence in ID. Or you may be able to download some info that you may find helpful. Ten Tips on Coping with Pet Loss
> Remember that all of us are here for you and you are never alone. Matilda is in a good place now as she was on earth. :grouphug:
> ...


Grieving hurts it hurts to the core of ones soul, i thank God for his mercy. He'll bring us through. He gave us one of his precious gifts Matilda to love. I'm so grateful for the years I had with her. She was and will always be a touch of God's love to us and to all who were blessed to know her.
I also like what Walter said, he's always there



Snowball Pie's Mommi said:


> Paula, I am so glad you are reaching out to all of your friends here. As I told you last night ... you have so many friends who truly love and care about you. You are not a burden (as you worried about being) when you share how you are doing. True friends are there for the good *and* bad times. All you need to do is read all the loving and supportive posts from everyone here. We all love and care about you.
> 
> Love you so much, sweet Paula.


Marie I really need all of you, I see life through your babies that you love. I'm so thankful for Maddie, and for dear friends who truly understand because they love their little babies. Thank you for always being there


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## donnad (Aug 22, 2006)

Paula, thank you for letting us know how you are doing. I have been thinking of you every day and cannot imagine what you are going through. Hugs to you.


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## Pooh's mommy (Aug 31, 2014)

Thinking of each of you
Big hugs and Huge prayers!
Just take it day by day...that is all you can do.
We love you!


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## mfa (Oct 5, 2009)

Dear Paula, Thank you for giving us this update. You have been in my thoughts and prayers and I know what a tough time this is. Please know how much you are loved and how much little Maddie loves you as well. I think selling the house and getting a new space may be a really good idea. Sending love and hugs. :grouphug::grouphug:


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## Polly's mom (Apr 29, 2013)

Paula, I have not been able to even begin to tell you what is in my heart. The pain you are feeling is beyond comprehension. Maddie will be your rock. You and Lorin will hold each other tight and dig through second by second. Thank you for braving the pain and touching base with all of us. Love and prayers sent to you, Lorin and Maddie.


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## lydiatug (Feb 21, 2012)

Sending all my love Paula. Not a day goes by that I don't look at Maddie & Matilda's picture and think of you. Hugs & continued prayers...


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## Maglily (Feb 3, 2009)

Dear Paula, I was so glad to see you post here and share what you are going through. I hope that you feel a little better each day. It's so good that you have an understanding doctor and soon you'll be able to bring Maddie everywhere, I'm sure seeing her sweet face will help. For some reason I don't want you to sell your house, at least wait a while to decide, but you said that might be in the spring. I'm afraid you will miss it and feel you made the wrong choice. Someday I hope your house fills you will happy memories of Matilda rather than feelings of loss. Take care, love from Jodi and me.


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

Maglily said:


> Dear Paula, I was so glad to see you post here and share what you are going through. I hope that you feel a little better each day. It's so good that you have an understanding doctor and soon you'll be able to bring Maddie everywhere, I'm sure seeing her sweet face will help. For some reason I don't want you to sell your house, at least wait a while to decide, but you said that might be in the spring. I'm afraid you will miss it and feel you made the wrong choice. Someday I hope your house fills you will happy memories of Matilda rather than feelings of loss. Take care, love from Jodi and me.


:goodpost::goodpost:
Brenda, I had that same thought. I am wondering if this is something Paula & Lorin have been thinking about for a while?


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## Maglily (Feb 3, 2009)

edelweiss said:


> :goodpost::goodpost:
> Brenda, I had that same thought. I am wondering if this is something Paula & Lorin have been thinking about for a while?



Could be Sandi, Sue mentioned something above too about not making big decisions in times of stress, mourning etc. Maybe they have been thinking of it for a while but still...


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## Pooh's mommy (Aug 31, 2014)

Thinking of you tonight, Paula
Big hugs!


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## HEINI (Feb 4, 2007)

Matilda's mommy said:


> We communicated through eyes, and her little things she would do. Most of you understand what I'm talking about.


paula, you both were one, and a part of you left. of course that leaves a massive big wound. it is still fresh, bleeding, hurting. one day hopefully there will only be a little scar left on your soul. and all other feelings are just pure love and the wonderful feeling that you were so, so lucky to have met matilda in the span that you are on earth, and you both found eachother. isn't that nearly the luckiest thing that could have happend?

rest in peace sweet matilda and let mummy, daddy & little sis feel better soon. (I can see her kissing you all wildly, wanting you to be happy)


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