# Wedding Shower Predicament



## Malt Lover (Feb 17, 2005)

Hi ladies, I sure need help with this one.

My best friend is getting married in a few months and this weekend is her wedding shower. It is going to be a very large shower with 100+ women. The problem is my friend is very over-weight and is very self conscience about it. Her future husband's grandmother's standard wedding gift to anyone getting married is a bathroom scale. 

My best friend is so upset to receive this gift. She is embarassed to open this gift in front of 100 people. Out of everything, this is what is causing her the most stress for her wedding. She asked her future mother-in-law to talk to the grandmother about the gift and no one wants to say anything to the grandmother because she is such a crabby, stubborn lady. 

So I would like to think of something witty to tell my friend to say when she opens the gift. Any ideas? Thanks!


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

If there are going to be a hundred women at the shower ... (wow ... that is a lot of women for a shower!) ... I would *lose* the gift from the grandmother. 

However, we have a lot of witty ladies on SM ... so, I am sure they can come up with something for your friend to say if she is really subjected to opening up a gift like that. But, honestly, I don't think she should have to worry about saying anything ... it's just too insensitive. So, if it were my friend, I would *lose* the gift for her. One can always "find it" after the shower when everyone has gone home. Then she can thank the grandmother in a private thank-you note. Grandma or not ... your friend's day should not be ruined with something that is going to embarass your friend and put her under needless stress. It's her shower and she should be able to enjoy if fully.


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## *Missy* (Oct 7, 2011)

Oh gosh this is a hard one. I realize that it is the standard gift but how many of the 100 guests will know that...not many I'm guessing which leaves Grandma looking mean and unthoughful giving hints like a scale to someone. I would be hurt and embarrassed in front of those people as well. I think Marie is onto something but maybe if it is just her gift lost she will get upset so maybe a few preselected gifts from friends or family could get lost and not opened also....gosh idk but I also feel like maybe it isn't great to upset the grandma but honestly she should not give the gift just knowing it would be taken the wrong way so maybe someone could talk with her like that way....they are on her side but the 100 people there may take that as her being rude and distasteful or something like that. Maybe your friend could just say thank you and someone coud say (someone who has recieved a scale) could say oh I stsill have my scale from my wedding shower! So people know it is standard...not witty but it all I got lol....Tough situation...let us know what happens


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## Furbabies mom (Jul 25, 2011)

If the Grandma gives the gift to everyone as a gift I'm sure she's not giving it to your friend to be mean. I'd just open it, thank her, and move on to the next gift. I wouldn't let it ruin my shower.


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## Summergirl73 (Sep 18, 2011)

I agree, lose the gift temporarily and distract Grandma during that period of gift opening. Another option is for your friend to have a special "pre-shower" gift opening breakfast/brunch whatever time. Yall could justify it by saying that you are opening some of the gifts early since their will be so many people in attendence at the party and that she wanted to make sure to have a special small celebration with her nearest and dearest. This way your friend can just have a few of her closest friends/family + Grandma there when this particular gift is opened.


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## maggieh (Dec 16, 2007)

I like the idea of opening some of the gifts later or earlier. With that many guests, gift-opening is going to take forever, so maybe save "family" gifts for after the shower and include grandma's in that one?


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

maggieh said:


> I like the idea of opening some of the gifts later or earlier. With that many guests, gift-opening is going to take forever, so maybe save "family" gifts for after the shower and include grandma's in that one?


Yes, I do like this better than what I posted. It makes sense, too. A hundred gifts to open at one time does seem a bit much.


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

Summergirl73 said:


> I agree, lose the gift temporarily and distract Grandma during that period of gift opening. Another option is for your friend to have a special "pre-shower" gift opening breakfast/brunch whatever time. Yall could justify it by saying that you are opening some of the gifts early since their will be so many people in attendence at the party and that she wanted to make sure to have a special small celebration with her nearest and dearest. This way your friend can just have a few of her closest friends/family + Grandma there when this particular gift is opened.


I love your idea, Bridget.:chili:


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## lynda (Oct 11, 2005)

I would do what Furbabies mom said. Just open the gift, say thank you and move on. I would not let it ruin my shower.


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## LJSquishy (Feb 27, 2008)

All of the suggestions so far are great. My first choice would be to do a separate get together for family, where she can open her Grandma's gift in a more private setting. If that won't work out, I would then try to remove the gift from the pile during the shower, which sounds awful, but it is an inappropriate gift. Although, someone should have the guts to say something to the grandmother -- I absolutely would not let her ruin your friend's shower. Finally, if none of the above will work, just have her open the gift, giggle a bit, say thank you, and move on. The more quickly she gets through that gift, the less others will question it. If she shows she is upset, people will notice and focus on that particular gift.


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## *Missy* (Oct 7, 2011)

I agree about the special gift opening time for family and friends because all of those ppl will know the gift isn't meant to be mean. I think the point here isn't that grandma intended the rude because it is standard but that it seems that way because of her weight and honestly in front of a bunch of people if you are self conscious about that (not that she is because I don't know) can be embarrassing. Just 100 people at a part would not know that amd I do think it would make me feel embarrassed if it were me even knowing that is what grandma always gives. Unless people know that it might appear to be something else


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

Well if she wanted to retaliate she could give granny a year's supply of Depends as a "thank you" and present it to her at the party:w00t::w00t: JUST KIDDING!! 
I think the idea of a close family gift get together would be smartest, making it special. At least there they'd get the tradition part of it. I can't even imagine a shower for 100 women nor opening 100 gifts. Gift opening was painful to me so many years ago and I only had very close family and friends...like 12 of them. I hated the lingerie gifts. :blush: Really, do I want to hold this up in front of me before all of you? I would focus on the big shower as more of a celebration than a gift opening. It's classier and would answer the problem.


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## Maidto2Maltese (Oct 19, 2004)

I truly think that ALL the guests would appreciate that only some or not any gifts are opened at the shower. I personally find if there are too many it becomes tedious for everyone! 
If tradition of opening gifts is 'required" then I'd go with a separate gathering... maybe a brunch or something simple for just family as suggested and open only friend's gifts at the big shower. Maybe a family member could arrange this second gathering stating as a preference and everyone is off the hook. :thumbsup:


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## Hunter's Mom (Dec 8, 2008)

I would suggest having the bride open some of the gifts early and have them displayed at the shower (perhaps from both friends or family) or ask family members not to wrap their gifts and set them on a display table and only open gifts brought by friends. It just seems that to ask the bride to open gifts from that many guests would make for a difficult time all around.


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## plenty pets 20 (Jul 8, 2006)

If you keep Grandma's to the last, everyone will be asleep anyway. LOL I would just have a nice shower and not open any gifts while it is going on. Or as others have said, hold the families till later.


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## njdrake (Apr 23, 2007)

maggieh said:


> I like the idea of opening some of the gifts later or earlier. With that many guests, gift-opening is going to take forever, so maybe save "family" gifts for after the shower and include grandma's in that one?


great idea!


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## casa verde maltese (Apr 7, 2007)

Snowbody said:


> Well if she wanted to retaliate she could give granny a year's supply of Depends as a "thank you" and present it to her at the party:w00t::w00t: JUST KIDDING!!


:w00t::HistericalSmiley::w00t:

Oh MY!!

I think giving a bathroom scale is - ahem tacky and rather strange.. I'd rather have a toaster or something. 100 women - I'd open them all later and run around a concentrate on visiting with all the ladies...


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## iheartbisou (Feb 13, 2007)

plenty pets 20 said:


> If you keep Grandma's to the last, everyone will be asleep anyway. LOL I would just have a nice shower and not open any gifts while it is going on. Or as others have said, hold the families till later.


Good idea. 

Besides, who wants to sit through and watch someone open 100 presents. yawn!


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## Malt Lover (Feb 17, 2005)

Hi ladies! Thank you so much for the wonderful suggestions. I should first clarify, yes, there will be about 100 ladies, but not 100 gifts. It is a couple's shower and approximately 25 of the ladies are from the bride's place of employment and another 25 are from the groom's job. I know for a fact they each group of ladies pitched in and bought one gift. So that will really cut down on the gift opening. 

Now for the latest update, I was telling my friend last night about the wonderful suggestions you ladies had. Then my friend informed me that this is not a typical bathroom scale, but a DOCTOR'S SCALE! There is no way to hide such a huge box! Who in the world would buy anyone such a stupid gift? This brings a whole new predicament to the situation. SIGH!


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## mommatee (Jul 20, 2010)

Oh wow! Maybe its just that generation. I was so nervous for my husband to meet my grandmother. I love her to death, but you never know what's going to come out of her mouth. I was never overweight until 10-15 years ago when I gained alot of weight. Everytime I see my grandmother, she comments on my weight. Sure enough, the 1st time my husband met her, she said, "You see Tanya here? She'll always be my favorite grandchild no matter how fat she gets!!!!!" :brownbag:


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## allheart (Oct 3, 2008)

Wow, bless this girl and you. What you can do, maybe, if you are in the wedding party (sorry wasn't able to read all the post) or just a dear friend, is to suggest to Grandma, that her gift would be so special to the bride, mean so much to her, and she much rather, it be just her and Grandma when opening it, because of gift from her is just too special to open with all the other shower gifts. That she would rather spend time with Grandma, and make that time even more special.

It's worth a try. The poor girl. Bless her. And Grandma means no harm. Tradition is so important to them.


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## Canada (Jun 4, 2009)

What a situation, I think the gift is completely inappropriate.
The Grandma should choose another gift that doesn't come with such weighted implications. 
Family should offer to go with Granny shopping to pick out something else.


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

I don't get any of it. The gift of a scale? The being anxious over it. I don't get any of it. Just open the present, sigh and move on. If a person is so uncomfortable about their weight...then maybe they should do something about it...it isn't as if it is not within our control. If you are happy with your body, open the gift, say thank you....done. If you are freaked out by what the scale might tell you...then put your intelligence into focus. I might sound a little bit cruel, but it doesn't seem that hard to me...if you can't stand the sight of a scale, maybe you really need to have one. Reality check. It isn't as if we have no control. If you are happy with your weight, then the gift of a scale should not freak you out...if you are ashamed of yourself...that is a different story.

It isn't your problem. Yes, I understand that you want to run interference, but it isn't really your call. She is marrying into this family and it is up to her to learn how to deal with the family she will call hers.

As always, I may appear to be a cold-hearted person, but I do see truth. The truth in this matter is that YOU cannot control what happens. As she enters a new family, she will need to adjust. Kiss your friend and wish her well....that is the best you can do.

Please excuse me, if I sound harsh...I am just going for real and honest. In my mind seeing reality might not be comfortable, but it is way better than continuing to hide from the truth. If you are overweight and happy...good. If you are not happy..then it isn't that hard to turn around.

Your friend needs to find her comfort zone....and she needs to learn how to deal with her new family. There is not much you can do...except to...maybe....excuse yourself.


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## casa verde maltese (Apr 7, 2007)

ahem.. a drs. scale - WOW - who the heck wants to cart that around for years and years..
ugh.. Tell your friend we sympathize with her..


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

Sylie said:


> I don't get any of it. The gift of a scale? The being anxious over it. I don't get any of it. Just open the present, sigh and move on. If a person is so uncomfortable about their weight...then maybe they should do something about it...it isn't as if it is not within our control. If you are happy with your body, open the gift, say thank you....done. If you are freaked out by what the scale might tell you...then put your intelligence into focus. I might sound a little bit cruel, but it doesn't seem that hard to me...if you can't stand the sight of a scale, maybe you really need to have one. Reality check. It isn't as if we have no control. If you are happy with your weight, then the gift of a scale should not freak you out...if you are ashamed of yourself...that is a different story.
> 
> 
> It isn't your problem. Yes, I understand that you want to run interference, but it isn't really your call. She is marrying into this family and it is up to her to learn how to deal with the family she will call hers.
> ...


Oh, Sylvia ... I really do love you. But, the one thing I totally disagree on is weight issues. And, honestly, before you even brought this up ... I had been thinking about this a lot and have wanted to write more thoughts on this in regard to the bride, who is a friend of the IP. 

Almost ten years ago, I lost one hundred and one pounds on Weight Watchers. Yep. And, over the years I kept most of it off. But, then ... I had a serious relapse with the MS ... and, I couldn't lift up my legs or feet without help from my husband or the physical therapists. So, I couldn't get out there and move, period. Thus, I gained some weight back. And, now I am struggling to get it back off. I have a friend who is a Weight Watchers instructor and personal trainer working with me now. But, still it is a long haul. And, so with the bride being discussed in this thread ... I feel we are not in her shoes and don't know what could be causing her weight issues. My heart goes out to her. 

What makes me feel sad ... is that I truly believe those who have never experienced weight issues ... think it is so easy for those of us who have struggled with weight issues. And, I honestly don't think that anyone who has had to lose just ten or twenty pounds can relate. So, again, my heart goes out to the bride. Often, it is NOT that easy to turn around. We are not in her shoes. We don't know why she has a serious weight problem. For many, there is more to losing weight and keeping it off, than exercising and counting calories. Even the statistics for WW shows the majority gain a lot of the weight back. 

So I wonder ... if you met me and I was fifty pounds over-weight ... would you judge me and think I should be ashamed of myself? I hope not. I do have a kind and caring heart. But, reading some recent posts when the subect of weight has come up ... I know that even some of my dearest friends here (not Kerry, for heaven's sake) have high expectations of those with extra pounds. I try to be understanding in hoping that it's because they were never in the shoes of someone who has struggled most of their life with weight problems. 

As for the bride who is upset about knowing she is getting the big doctor scales for a present and is upset over that ... I understand. 

I didn't mean to sound cruel in my first post ... when I suggested her present get *lost* for a while. And, after I read some of the other suggestions, I thought their ideas and suggestions were even better ... like not opening gifts at all at the shower.

One more thing. I'm afraid that often some people picture all Grandma's as being so old and frail that they are ready to drop over. That's not the case these days. A lot of women in their 70's and 80's are very beautiful, kind, caring and sweet, and really with it. And, then ... there are some grandmas that are not so sweet and can be downright mean spirited. I don't know the personality of the grandma who gives doctor weight scales as a gift. If she has a weight problem ... then maybe she truly means well. But, if she has a skinny butt ... then, I think that isn't very nice of her to give scales as a gift.

Okay ... off my soapbox.

Sylvia, I really love you. I do. :smootch: You cruel woman, you. :HistericalSmiley:


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## poptart (Mar 10, 2008)

Wow...That is majorly tacky...I've never heard of a scale being given is standard......

Hugs, Blanche &


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## jenniferhope423 (Jun 25, 2007)

I've been to a few wedding/baby showers where after a gift is opened it is passed around so that everyone gets a peek at it up close and the gifts that are too large to be opened and passed around are not wrapped but set up somewhere in the room where everyone can go by and look at them. Maybe this would work for your friend's shower


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## Summergirl73 (Sep 18, 2011)

Snowball Pie's Mommi said:


> Almost ten years ago, I lost one hundred and one pounds on Weight Watchers. Yep. And, over the years I kept most of it off. But, then ... I had a serious relapse with the MS ... and, I couldn't lift up my legs or feet without help from my husband or the physical therapists. So, I couldn't get out there and move, period. Thus, I gained some weight back. And, now I am struggling to get it back off. I have a friend who is a Weight Watchers instructor and personal trainer working with me now. But, still it is a long haul. And, so with the bride being discussed in this thread ... I feel we are not in her shoes and don't know what could be causing her weight issues. My heart goes out to her.


Just thought I'd let you know that a couple of years ago I got very sick (Adrenal issues, heart and Dr.'s aren't sure what else). I lost over 65 lbs and was struggling to see 100 lbs on our scale. I am 5'7'' and did not look healthy. SOOO many people (including family) told me I had an eating disorder (which was NOT true), they slung politely veiled insults like you can only imagine. It was heartbreaking, especially since I was in and out of Dr.'s offices in hospitals, just fighting for my life and a diagnosis. I am now 153 lbs and getting used to this body frame again. The point is, whether you are heavy or thin ~ a "scale" being given to you at the wrong point in your life could feel incredibly cruel - even if it was not intended to be so. You were so right, you never know what's going on behind that weight issue - small or heavy. SMH.


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

I kind of tried to say that accepting yourself is a big part of the issue. My darling aunt was very very overweight all her life...even as a child. She accepted herself, she dressed modestly and her husband loved the way she was. Some people are heavy some people are too skinny, you are who you are. I don't see why receiving a present that grandma gives every bride-to-be should put you in a tail spin.
I'm very short, when I was young I had a hard time until I accepted the fact and made the best of it.
Maybe I am insensitive, maybe people have no control over their weight. I am struggling too as I get older. 
Oh, okay...I put my short foot in my big mouth once again.:embarrassed:
I'm sorry.


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## allheart (Oct 3, 2008)

Sylie said:


> I kind of tried to say that accepting yourself is a big part of the issue. My darling aunt was very very overweight all her life...even as a child. She accepted herself, she dressed modestly and her husband loved the way she was. Some people are heavy some people are too skinny, you are who you are. I don't see why receiving a present that grandma gives every bride-to-be should put you in a tail spin.
> I'm very short, when I was young I had a hard time until I accepted the fact and made the best of it.
> Maybe I am insensitive, maybe people have no control over their weight. I am struggling too as I get older.
> Oh, okay...I put my short foot in my big mouth once again.:embarrassed:
> I'm sorry.


 
No dear sweet loving Sylvia, I too love you dearly, and was getting what you were saying, be happy with who you are, inside. That's what counts.

I will say this about the eldery, and trust me on this. Tradition is HUGE to them, and the certainly mean no harm at all, in fact, it means a great deal to them, no matter what the gift is. 

I do feel so bad for the bride, bless her, she should feel good about herself, but it's so hard to do, in her current predicament. I know someone so overweight, he has to pay for two seats on a plane . I can only imagine how the must feel. Sometimes the things we think others have control over, may not be truly the case.

I still say, have a special get together with Grandma, and let her know how special her gesture of a gift is, and would much prefer to receive it first and not at the shower. 

I am 5"11 and if my Grandma's tradition was a height shrinker, I too, may be a wee bit uncomfortable. :blink: But I would be okay with it, opening it up at the shower.

Grandma's mean the best, and oh how much I miss mine. It truly does mean so much to them, and keep in mind it's from her heart, and so she probably doesn't even realize the implications.

Syliva, you are a sweetheart, and I just love the honest version of things and that does not make you cold hearted, but a realist.

Bless Grandma's I just adore them.


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

Sylie said:


> I kind of tried to say that accepting yourself is a big part of the issue. My darling aunt was very very overweight all her life...even as a child. She accepted herself, she dressed modestly and her husband loved the way she was. Some people are heavy some people are too skinny, you are who you are. I don't see why receiving a present that grandma gives every bride-to-be should put you in a tail spin.
> I'm very short, when I was young I had a hard time until I accepted the fact and made the best of it.
> Maybe I am insensitive, maybe people have no control over their weight. I am struggling too as I get older.
> Oh, okay...I put my short foot in my big mouth once again.:embarrassed:
> I'm sorry.


Please don't apologize, darling Sylvia. I appreciate that you can speak honestly from your heart. I respect you for that and I don't think that you would intentionally hurt anyone. I was just sharing my thoughts and some experiences with weight issues. 

As for being short ... I used to be five/four. Now I am five/one! 

I hope you have a wonderful weekend, Sylvia. And, I do love you, dear lady.


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

This is what the British would call "a delicate situation" and needs much thought. 
Perhaps ALL of the larger gifts could be photographed & displayed w/the giver's name on a display board of some sort, and the person who is "MC-ing" could call attention to that board up-front. That would keep the bride to be from having to be involved. She could then simply give a "special thank you to those not opened publicly. 
The bride could also practice a few phrases so that if she is embarrassed by any other unexpected surprises she will be somewhat prepared & be gracious.
Graciousness & thoughtfulness are never out of style and maybe an old, crabby, stubborn lady needs that more than anyone else. In this case "it truly is better to give than receive." :HistericalSmiley::innocent:


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## Rachel (Dec 6, 2011)

Does your friend have a sense of humor? If she can pull off a joke, there are many graceful ways to handle the situation...

When the box is brought to be unwrapped... she can smile and go "I know what this is! Grandma gets everyone the same thing when they get married.".... then unwrap it and be like "Thanks, Grandma... I won't be getting on this until AFTER the wedding though.. wouldn't want to mess up all the time I spent having my gown fitted"...

Personally, I am overweight... not just 20 or 50lbs either... and if I were in this situation... I would be happy.

The fact that Grandma is -still- getting the scale, means she intends to welcome your friend in to the family just like everyone else. She's not giving your friend 'special treatment' or trying to spare feelings. I would be worried if Grandma decided to give something different... it would mean she saw your friend as something lesser than family because of her weight. 

Your friend KNOWS she is heavy, her friends KNOW she is heavy, Grandma KNOWS she is heavy... opening a scale might be a reason to blush... but doctor's scales are expensive, and obviously this type of gift -means- something to Grandma. Humor, thankfulness, and a kind spirit should smooth over any shower guests who find it strange.


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

Rachel said:


> Does your friend have a sense of humor? If she can pull off a joke, there are many graceful ways to handle the situation...
> 
> When the box is brought to be unwrapped... she can smile and go "I know what this is! Grandma gets everyone the same thing when they get married.".... then unwrap it and be like "Thanks, Grandma... I won't be getting on this until AFTER the wedding though.. wouldn't want to mess up all the time I spent having my gown fitted"...
> 
> ...


You've given me a different perspective on the topic of our conversation here. I especially like what you said in the last paragraph.


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## allheart (Oct 3, 2008)

Let me just say this dear Sylvia, follow you heart, be yourself, and you will have no regrets. Major hugs.


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## iheartbisou (Feb 13, 2007)

Rachel said:


> Does your friend have a sense of humor? If she can pull off a joke, there are many graceful ways to handle the situation...
> 
> When the box is brought to be unwrapped... she can smile and go "I know what this is! Grandma gets everyone the same thing when they get married.".... then unwrap it and be like "Thanks, Grandma... I won't be getting on this until AFTER the wedding though.. wouldn't want to mess up all the time I spent having my gown fitted"...
> 
> ...


Best advice posted yet (imo) and I really like your point of view here!!

to the OP-I don't even think your friend should get you involved with any potential issues with her future-in-laws. like someone pointed out- that's something she's going to have to deal with and really her own business. 

And if her weight is not due to a medical condition, then really it's hard (for me) to sympathize with her lack of will power and even with her being overweight- what's the big deal- just deal with it and get on with it, you know?


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

And if her weight is not due to a medical condition, then really it's hard (for me) to sympathize with her lack of will power and even with her being overweight- what's the big deal- *just deal with it and get on with it*, you know?[/QUOTE]

I do agree that Rachel's advice is sound & good. 
I don't agree w/the above response. We are not always aware of another person's psychological or emotional issues that might cause over indulgence in one or another areas. Unfortunately today's culture fixates on weight and disregards other issues that are just as difficult to overcome. (Anorexia is just as much an issue as overeating in the US, particularly among the young and social climbers). 
I am not overweight but I do have my own dragons and they are perhaps less obvious to the public, and I am not ostracized because of them---pity--for then I might be more vigilant to deal w/them. 
I do encourage counseling and dealing with the "whys" of those things in life that holds us captive. I also know sometimes it is easy to judge others for something I find easy. JMHO


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## iheartbisou (Feb 13, 2007)

edelweiss said:


> I do agree that Rachel's advice is sound & good.
> I don't agree w/the above response. We are not always aware of another person's psychological or emotional issues that might cause over indulgence in one or another areas. Unfortunately today's culture fixates on weight and disregards other issues that are just as difficult to overcome. (Anorexia is just as much an issue as overeating in the US, particularly among the young and social climbers).
> I am not overweight but I do have my own dragons and they are perhaps less obvious to the public, and I am not ostracized because of them---pity--for then I might be more vigilant to deal w/them.
> I do encourage counseling and dealing with the "whys" of those things in life that holds us captive. I also know sometimes it is easy to judge others for something I find easy. JMHO


Actually I was not judging, I was giving my opinion- two different things to me- on a question/topic asking for opinions. You don't to agree with my opinion and I won't judge you for that either.

ps- what I meant to say probably wasn't as eloquent as it should have been...and it seems trivial to try to explain it clearly now as honestly it's really none of my business.


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

iheartbisou said:


> Actually I was not judging, I was giving my opinion- two different things to me- on a question/topic asking for opinions. You don't to agree with my opinion and I won't judge you for that either.
> 
> ps- what I meant to say probably wasn't as eloquent as it should have been...and it seems trivial to try to explain it clearly now as honestly it's really none of my business.


I apologize for saying you "were judging"--that was out of line toward you. I meant no personal offense. I do know the written word of the internet often seems harsh in comparison to what we meant to communicate.


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

edelweiss said:


> I apologize for saying you "were judging"--that was out of line toward you. I meant no personal offense. I do know the written word of the internet often seems harsh in comparison to what we meant to communicate.


Just my personal opinion ... but, assuming someone has a "lack of willpower" comes across to me as a judgement. But, then maybe it was just meant to be an assumption. I choose to look at the OP's question with compassion and empathy.


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## Rachel (Dec 6, 2011)

Sorry to derail this thread, but I have personal experince in this matter and feel like someone has to stop playing nice and speak up.

Wow... lack of willpower... sure, yeah.

I could write you a book about my weight, and how it has affected my life.

No one WANTS to be significantly overweight.

Overeating, laziness, medication, mental health, depression, genetics, peer pressure... it can all contribute. Just like ANY other disease (ie: alcoholism, drug abuse, anorexia, and so on)

I hid behind my weight for years, hoping to heaven that if I were fat, no one would notice how different I am...

It took losing my Dad to wake me up... who the heck cares if I am weird as long as I surround myself with people who love me, maintain a healthy relationship with my God, and strive to reach my personal goals.

So now I am fat. Years of depression, anxiety, fear... and yeah, pure laziness... I have to undo. Thank God I have people in my life who are supportive and encouraging... I'm young enough that the damage I have done to my body is little... if I fix it now. My doctor and I have a great relationship... I am learning to handle life without turning to food... I am learning to LOVE moving, and love myself.

Your comment may not have been 'meant' as judging... sure, what the heck did you mean then?

People who are overweight can't fix it overnight. Not sympathizing with her lack of willpower? Whatever. You came across rude and insensitive, by the way... the definition of opinion is as follows...

*o·pin·ion *  [uh-pin-yuhn] noun
1. a belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty.
2. a personal view, attitude, or appraisal.
3. the formal expression of a professional judgment: to ask for a second medical opinion.
4. Law . the formal statement by a judge or court of the reasoning and the principles of law used in reaching a decision of a case.
5. a judgment or estimate of a person or thing with respect to character, merit, etc.: to forfeit someone's good opinion.

(also... to add a bit of humor in here... can you tell I am an advocate? It's a calling, I have this -need- to speak up for others.... do it in my professional life, volunteer life, family life... and now in my maltese-owning life!)


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

“We are all bruised reeds, whether our bruises are visible or not. The compassionate life is the life in which we believe that strength is hidden in weakness and that true community is fellowship of the weak.” (Nouwen)


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## Malt Lover (Feb 17, 2005)

I wanted to thank everyone for their wonderful suggestions. The shower was beautiful. Yes, the grandma brought the scale. It was huge and she expected all the bridesmaid to get it out of her car. So we just kept telling her we would. She was persistent about it and everyone just kept saying we would and that it was extremely hectic. So when most all the guests left, a few bridesmaids went and got it out of her car. My friend opened it in front of mainly family and family-to-be. I could tell my friend was still embarrassed, but she handled it with grace. 

I would also like to add that I never meant this post to be about why someone is overweight. It doesn't matter. The point was she was hurting and she is my friend and I wanted to help her. That's all. Why do overweight people always get picked on? Telling someone who is over weight to just lose it is ridiculous! You don't tell an alcoholic to just stop drinking. Why is it someone who has an addiction is treated with kid gloves, but an obese person is ridiculed? Finally, it had nothing to do with her not being comfortable in her skin. She is for the most part, but when there are people out there who you know look down upon you for being overweight, it is a sensitive subject. 

Anyway, thank you for the suggestions. I did appreciate them.


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

Thank you for updating us on your friend's shower. It's nice to hear that she had a beautiful shower and enjoyed it. I'm not surprised though.

As for weight issues ... a true friend will love you, period. And, you have proven that to your friend. And, that is all that matters.


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## Maidto2Maltese (Oct 19, 2004)

Glad all went well!! :aktion033:


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## *Missy* (Oct 7, 2011)

I was actually wondering how the shower went and inwas surprised at the turn this thread took when I read it all but I am so happy that at least some of the embarrassment was minimized and your friend must be such a sweet person to be so gracious about a giant somewhat insensitive gift like that but I agree with Rachel that it does seem to show that grandma is truly welcoming her in the way that each bride has been welcomed. It is just hard because many of the guests would not know this and at some point no matter how comfortable you may be it will still hurt your feelings when so many who you know may judge you see you receive a gift from a future family member that implies something about weight. You do seem to be a wonderful friend and if my best friend were hurting for whatever reason I too would want to help in any way possible


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