# Need Help/Advice



## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

I need some advice about a neighbor of mine. I live in a small (78 homes) gated community of patio homes. Our homes are very close together without much of a backyard. I specifically chose this for my unique lifestyle.

I have never been a very neighborly person. Before she moved to Michigan last summer, one of my neighbors and I were pretty good friends. She would keep the fluffs when I was travelling and I would keep her Bichon when she travelled. She also helped me a lot when I was sick.

Anyway, I have a couple (my age) that lives 2 houses away (1 house in between ours). They are a nice couple, moved into the community around the same time that Jerry and I did. Jerry used to visit with them whenever he was outside doing something, but we've never socialized with them. They've only been in my house when the cul-de-sac has had a progressive party on July 4th and New Years Eve. They did come over once after Jerry was gone to help me with a smoke detector alarm. They often offer help if I should need it, but I've never asked them for it except the one time with the smoke detector.

When we moved into the house a little over 8 years ago, Jerry did give them a key just in case of an emergency.

I really am a person that enjoys her privacy and although I'm cordial with the neighbors, I don't go to their house and visit with them. Nor do I invite them to mine.

Yesterday I was home from work with the flu. The UPS man delivered a couple of packages to the house and rang the doorbell. He left the packages outside and drove off. Lacie and Tilly were barking and then calmed down. A couple minutes later, Lacie went back outside to our gate and started barking again, and Tilly was by the front door barking. I finally went to the door to get the packages and saw my neighbor's granddaughter coming from my back gate (which is locked). I asked her what she was doing and her grandmother (my neighbor) came from my back gate to my door. She said, "I didn't think you were home." I explained that I had the flu. She didn't make any excuse as to why she had been looking into my back yard. She looked at the 2 boxes and said are you just ordering things. She was peering into my house and saw a couple of other boxes. This was really none of her business and I said I didn't feel well and was going back to bed. She said to let them know if I needed help.

The more I thought about this, the creepier it seemed. I know of 2 times that the husband has unlocked my door and come into my house. Once was the day after I let them know that Jerry passed. He did ring the doorbell but I didn't feel like talking to anyone and he opened the door to check on me. I guess I didn't feel that was so unusual considering how upset I had been the night before when I told them about Jerry's passing.

The other time had to do with the dogs barking strangely and they thought I might be in trouble.

I don't want trouble with my neighbors and want to remain on good terms, but I also don't want to feel as if they are spying on me. They are the noisy couple in the neighborhood that does seem to know everyone's business.

If this had happened to you, what would you think, and what would you do?

I don't want to borrow trouble, but I do think it's pretty creepy.


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## maltese manica (Nov 6, 2012)

That is kinda creepy! I have my next door neighbor that has my keys and she knows about babinka's condition! but never has she ever done something like that...............I don't know what to suggest Lynn.................


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## Ann Mother (Dec 18, 2013)

Weird maybe you better have your locks rekeyed. That way you will feel safer.


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## pippersmom (May 21, 2012)

I just know that I wouldn't feel comfortable with someone having a key to my house unless they were a VERY CLOSE friend. As for being at your back gate, maybe they were just checking to make sure no one was trying to break into your house when they heard the dogs barking.


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## lydiatug (Feb 21, 2012)

That was my first thought, Pat...I'd have the locks changed asap!


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## wkomorow (Aug 26, 2011)

About 10 years ago, I went with all electronic locks on my doors. I can change the access codes fairly simply. The ones I have currently are tied to my home automation system so I can change the access codes from any computer and open them from my phone. But the first ones I had were self-contained units that I programmed at the lock itself. 

This way there are no keys and I can provide temporary access to the house any time I want by putting in a new code number and remove it when I need to.


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## Dominic (Nov 4, 2012)

Change the locks, no explanation needed it is your house. Whatever they wanna think about it is then their problem.


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

Yes, I'd change the locks. Boy Walter sounds like he has a great solution!! Three of my neighbors have my keys -- but we're all really good friends and we have each let each other in our own homes when we forget our keys. Don't want to even hazard the number of times my son forgot his key and got them :smilie_tischkante: There's a $50 charge in our bldg if you need them to use the pass key. I also know that I can call any of them as I need them to check up on or feed Tyler. We all feel the same about each other and trust each other. There are some neighbors who are into other's business...sometimes it's helpful - I've known a couple who thwarted some robberies -- but being a close friend or part of a neighborhood watch vs a nosy neighbor are two different things.


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## ladodd (Jan 8, 2012)

Lynn, I don't blame you for thinking it's creepy. I agree about changing the locks. That way you don't have to tell them anything. My dh and I don't socialize with our neighbors, just brief conversation when getting mail, etc. I like Walter's set up, we may need to check into that option.


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

None of my neighbors (I have only a few & have only met the man who is responsible for our house--not the owner) have a key---only a good friend who lives in the next town. We are only 4 tenants & I have only met 2 so far---been in since the lst of July. I would not give a neighbor a key. Walter's solution sounds like the way to go! I used to be more trusting than I am now. It is actually against our house insurance for someone else to have a key!


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## shellbeme (Mar 1, 2011)

I would probably be creeped out too, but I also, am not a neighborly person. It could very well be that they are trying to look out for you and possibly were going to pick up the packages and hold them for you-but what do I know.

BTW, how do electric locks work when the electricity goes out?


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## Kathleen (Aug 4, 2011)

It must be hard to feel that you have complete privacy in your own home when you know those neighbors have a key. Especially when they feel free to let themselves into your yard when you are not there...even if they mean well.
I think I would be on edge, not knowing if someone is going to walk in!
I would change the locks too, and not tell them.


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## Summergirl73 (Sep 18, 2011)

I'm with you on this one Lynn...I'd be creeped out too. I love my privacy, so this would drive me bonkers. While I don't think they mean any harm, it's still crossing a line that is comfortable to you ... so that makes it a problem. I love Walter's idea about the electronic locks, but changing the locks one way or the other is probably a good idea. If they approach you about it, just say thanks and let them know you've made other arrangements.


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

Does Comcast offer home monitoring in your area? You see, I have reason to worry when someone lives alone without anyone to look in on them. I don't know how much your neighbors protect you, but you need someone in case you have an accident.

Personally, I am not bothered by nosey neighbors, because I just don't care what people know, or think about me.

Rather than have the trouble and expense of making new keys, I'd just ask them to return the key. You could make an excuse. They are probably well meaning. Personally, I'd just let them have a key.


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## donnad (Aug 22, 2006)

A little too nosey if you ask me. I would change the locks...I don't like the idea that someone could walk in without my knowledge. The only one beside myself and my daughter who has a key to my apartment is a very good friend.


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## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

Sylie said:


> Does Comcast offer home monitoring in your area?


 
Yes - I have Comcast's home monitoring system.

The thing that really creeped me out is that my neighbors don't have a key to my back gate, so I don't know what they were doing back there except being nosey. I'm not worried about them coming into the out, but I do wonder why they're snopping around.

I doubt that changing my locks will alter the creepy feeling i have.


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## zooeysmom (Aug 1, 2011)

I wouldn't be creeped out--it sounds like this family just really cares about you and about being a good neighbor (so rare these days). When I lived in L.A. I gave one trusted neighbor my key, as she took care of Zooey sometimes. Have a little faith in people is my advice


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## maddysmom (Mar 8, 2012)

Eww...that does sound creepy. I like my privacy way too much and to have someone in my back yard is just getting too much in my space. I change my locks every few years if I know I've given my key out too much to workers...they could always make copies and recently had to change the code to my garage since someone who had the code tried to open it during the night and I probably wouldn't bother with those busy body neighbors again


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## harrysmom (Sep 28, 2007)

wkomorow said:


> About 10 years ago, I went with all electronic locks on my doors. I can change the access codes fairly simply. The ones I have currently are tied to my home automation system so I can change the access codes from any computer and open them from my phone. But the first ones I had were self-contained units that I programmed at the lock itself.
> 
> This way there are no keys and I can provide temporary access to the house any time I want by putting in a new code number and remove it when I need to.


We have electronic locks, also, and we love them. The kids never have to worry about having their house keys with them and in an emergency, they can tell the police or a neighbor the code over the phone and allow them access.

And, I know all about being creeped out by neighbors. My next door neighbors are very nice, but their elderly mom lives with them and has nothing to do all day but watch me. Although I know that she means no harm, it's a bit disconcerting to see someone peering out a window at you, especially when you like your privacy.

I think I would have my locks changed, Lynn. Stay safe and I hope you're feeling better!


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

It is the true "national past-time" to hang out your windows in Austria & watch people & tell them if they are doing something of which one does not approve"---no joking! I hope if I ever get mugged it will be on one of those streets! :HistericalSmiley:


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## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

Lynn, I'm sure your neighbors are thinking they are watching out for you, they knew Jerry some and he felt comfortable enough to give them a key, I'm wondering if the girl granddaughter was looking for your girls to play with, do they go out when your not home? Maybe she has played with them before, now if that's the case the grandma is really in the wrong there and I would be upset if that was happening
We live in a neighborhood where all the people around us work, in 5 years I have met 4 people, our next door neighbors are young and have two small children, we did give them a key to our house and ask them to watch our house while we are gone. They email us while we travel so we know things are ok back home, I have been to their house 3 times, they have been to our place 3 or so times, short visits, just letting each other know we are their for one another, If I could I would adopt them lol, gosh they watch over us better then are own kids:innocent:
Lorin goes to his brothers farm a few times in the summer and spends a week or so, I would freak out if my neighbor opened my door while I was home, seems to me they could call first to see if you are ok
I would wait a few days and then go over to their house and tell them that you would like the key back, if you feel comfortable I would ask for their phone number just in case you ever needed them. I then would thank them for being such caring neighbors and leave. That way no hard feelings.
I like my neighbors but don't go out of my way to get to close. I was taken advantage of years ago by neighbors and now I am a bit standoffish of getting to close. But when I'm home I will go out of my way to help a neighbor if need be


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

If you feel uncomfortable with your neighbors having your keys ... I would have all the locks changed in the house. You don't have to say anything to them. 

If for some reason they bring up the keys in the future ... you could just tell them that a close friend is now watching your house for you.


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## Maglily (Feb 3, 2009)

I'm curious if the granddaughter was going to look over your fence to see the dogs, or maybe they were just looking into the yard to see if everything was ok. 

after the fact it's easier to think of things to ask, such as, why are you back there? anything wrong?

or if you think something is wrong give me a call, its strange hearing people walking around the house, I thought I heard someone back there who might be up to no good. I'm sure you might have thought of that too.

anyhow, if it makes you feel creepy, I'd change the locks too and not say anything. 

does this mean that whenever you are not at home and the dogs bark, they come over and look over your fence? that would seem strange to me. if not, it makes me think she wanted to see the dogs. All she had to do was look out her window, see the ups truck, hear barking dogs and put 2 and 2 together without having to come see for herself. if the truck was gone, the dogs would have stopped barking and also...that would seem to say nothing unusual was up.


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## eiksaa (Jun 8, 2012)

I find it very creepy that someone I'm not particularly friends with would have keys to my apartment. I don't blame you at all for feeling uncomfortable. 

I would maybe ask them for the keys back if you trust them not to have copies without your knowledge. They will find out either way, but it might be more polite to just let them know it makes you uncomfortable. 


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## maltese#1fan (Feb 20, 2012)

Definitely creepy. I would have the locks changed.


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## SammieMom (Nov 13, 2010)

Lynn--I've given a key to a neighbor over the years too. They are prob just worried about you since Jerry hung out with them or maybe plain nosy (?). I don't know. But I would ask for the key back or change the lock. Either way I would prob just say something like I have designated a family or friend (?) to leave a key with. 

I would hate not knowing when someone might want to check on you. Its hard to have to tell nice neighbors things like this. Don't know what I would do about the girl and GM hanging around. But I would simply install new deadbolt. I did mine not long go. Was easy.


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## SammieMom (Nov 13, 2010)

Maglily said:


> I'm curious if the granddaughter was going to look over your fence to see the dogs, or maybe they were just looking into the yard to see if everything was ok.
> 
> after the fact it's easier to think of things to ask, such as, why are you back there? anything wrong?
> 
> ...


:goodpost: that's what I was wondering. Why are they in yard knowing it will make the dogs bark and disturb you. I wouldn't like that.


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## CrystalAndZoe (Jul 11, 2006)

How old is the granddaughter?


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## sassy's mommy (Aug 29, 2005)

I guess I am more straight up...........I would just politely knock on their door and ask for my key back. That way they are not forewarned to run and have a duplicate made. If they ask why, you could just say that since you live alone you don't feel comfortable with keys to your house floating around. Straight and simple, no lies, no hurt feelings. You are not close friends anyway, so don't worry if they feel weird.


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## mss (Mar 1, 2006)

If you don't usually leave your dogs outside when you are at work, I could see why they might be worried on your behalf. Dogs outside when they normally wouldn't be, packages maybe piling up outside. They might have thought you'd "fallen and can't get up" or something similar. 

There are times that I've forgotten to bring in the newspapers for several days (I usually come and go by the garage and can't see them) and nobody has come to see if I am okay! 

My mother lived alone from her 80s to when she passed away at 93. She supposedly had a twice-a-day wellness check phone call from a volunteer service and a neighbor who would be called if she didn't respond. However, one day she fell awkwardly and lay on the bathroom floor in the cat litter box for 4 hours and her neighbor told the service "oh, she's probably just sleeping late"! Fortunately she wasn't hurt, but it could have been tragic. 

Anyway, they may have felt there was a good reason to be concerned about your safety. 

But still I would not like their having a key all the time. Maybe if you were going to be gone on a trip, it would be good to have someone have a key in case of emergency, or to water your plants or make sure the pipes haven't broken, etc. But all the time? I wouldn't--at least not these people since they make you uncomfortable.


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## vinhle68 (Mar 19, 2012)

Hi Lynn

I agreed with everyone that this is kinda creepy behaviors. I would definitely rekey all locks.  Also I don't know what is your budget situation but you might want to consider using these in your front and back entries. I'm looking at adding these to my house soon.

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## Daisy's Mommie (Sep 24, 2012)

If they think something might be wrong, why not call you first before they use a key and come into your home. I have a key to my neighbor's home and she has one to mine but I would never just let myself into her home without calling first. If I didn't get an answer after calling a couple of times and her car was there, I would go in and check on her. But to not even call and then just let myself in, is way beyond being a caring neighbor. I would probably shoot first and ask questions later if someone came into my home!!


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## JRM993 (Mar 3, 2013)

Lynn, 
Stay safe and hope you have figured this all out by now.


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## The A Team (Dec 1, 2005)

I'd have my locks changed...just to feel safe. Our street is pretty friendly and we have a few of our neighbor's keys...just in case, but I'd never to inside unless they called and asked me to.

It's not fun living in a situation where you don't feel comfortable....so what happened to the idea of moving to Florida?


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