# Grandparent problems...



## babybinks22 (Jul 24, 2005)

I asked my father not to give Kenji table food but he give him bits of his meal in front of me. I ask him kindly not to do that for Kenji's health. He will start the meal off by telling Kenji what he's gonna get at the table. My mother tries to stop him but he rarely listens to anybody. She understands my concern about his health and bad habits developing but it is really hard to get my father to LISTEN to me. When Kenji barks at someone outside or starts barking at other people or dogs, he shouts really loudly and sometimes spanks him on his butt. His tail lowers and he goes and hides under a table or any cover. I find this miserable for me and my baby. I love my father.. but.. I really can't find a way to get through to him. I recently read a lot of great advice about discipline. I told him the "right way or better way" of training kenji and how discipling him our way would make him more aggressive. My mother understands as she was always against using force and ugh.. hitting. My dad however is such a stubborn bully. He thinks because he's owned dogs throughout childhood, he knows how to train them. I have considered not taking kenji to their house but they enjoy him so much and he loves to be there as well. I wish there was some sort of way he will adhere to my rules in disciplining him and raising him. Does anyone else have such a problem?


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## Toby's Mom (May 7, 2004)




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## NC's Mom (Oct 23, 2004)

I agree....don't bring Kenji. My father was extremely strict with his dogs while I was growing up. He was very, very strict with me and with my sister. However, he ALWAYS left every discipline thing up to me and never even raised his voice to Sir N. Yes, he was bad about giving Sir N hotdogs, but he was good about not doing it often and I know that if I had come right out and said, "Don't do it." he would have stopped. If he had treated Sir N the way your father treats Kenji, Sir N would never have set paw in his house. Something to think about.....someday if you have human kids...how is their grandfather going to discipline them?


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## k/c mom (Oct 9, 2004)

I would absolutely not take him to their house. Please, for the sake of your baby!!!


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## RexsMom (Jun 8, 2005)

Do you live at home with your parents? I dont know what to tell you. My mother in law got Rex for us a month before we were able to go up and get him and she fed him table food and whooped his butt. He was scared for a long time when we got him and still begs from time to time since we dont feed him any table food. He still gets scared sometimes too, but not as bad. Your father could scar your puppy for a long time if not forever. If you are at home is there anyway you could just keep your baby in your room?


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## Brinkley & Neyland's Mom (Jun 14, 2004)

Maybe your dad was raised with bigger dogs that have different personalities.
Before we were more "dog knowledeable" we spat our dogs on the butt...not HARD but enough to get their attention...(this was the lab and bassett)...it surely did not seem to have any adverse effects on either of them...the lab is a GREAT dog that listens/minds better than Brinkley or my skin kids...the bassett, well, she is a typical sweet/stubborn/not very bright... bassett.







I don't feel that our spats on their butts hurt them emotionally or whatever, but I wouldn't do it again now that I am smarter...

Having said that...Brinkley (and I think other malts in general) have a completely different disposition than my other dogs. He doesn't even like me to raise my voice at him, so I KNOW butt swatting would not sit well with him...I would be afraid he would start being afraid of me, even if it wasn't hard swatting. Maybe sitting down with your dad and explaining the differences in this breed and personality etc..would help him understand. Maybe it would work to fit this in the conversation of WHY your pup is not able to visit their house any more.

Good luck!


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## k/c mom (Oct 9, 2004)

I have been having visions of little Kenji with his tail between his legs all morning. I am just overly sensitive







to even the thought of hitting an animal... any animal. They are just so trusting and dependent on us that it truly pains my heart to think of them being hit and hurt by the hand that is supposed to give them love. 

Tlunn, I know what you mean about raising our voices.... If I am even saying something good to them in a loud voice, Catcher's ears go down... I have to treat him, especially, very gently in all ways. 

Anyone that is a bully to an animal, especially a tiny one, might benefit from some anger management classes.


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## paris (Apr 8, 2005)

I agree with everyone else...keep him at home. I know this will probably sould harsh but there is no way in heck anyone is going to hit my baby and get away with it. I don't care who they are.


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## a2z (Aug 23, 2004)

Daddy is a throwback to the dark ages. A patriarchical bully. I cannot believe there are still some a-----&#^B%--s left in this country!

If you do not live there, you do not have to put up with this bad behavior. If you do, then get your doggy a dog bag and put him in it when your dad is around so your dad can't get to him. 

Please protect this delicate precious little hairy person!


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## Laceys mom (Nov 12, 2004)

I have to agree. If you don't live there don't take your dog there. No way would I let anyone hit/spank my skin kids or my fur kids. These little ones are very sensitive. If I even raise my voice Lacey will go to her crate. The other day Lacey did something she wasn't suppose too, husband found her and before he could say anything Lacey went running to her crate. He told me if she could have she would have closed the door herself. We have never yelled at Lacey or hit her but she knows when a voice is raised just a little.


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## saltymalty (Sep 14, 2004)

I am reminded of the saying...you can't teach an old dog new tricks....

Maybe your father would appreciate a good book on dog training with a little note from you outlining your expectations. Or if possible, maybe you and your father could attend a group dog training session. Those classes are offered at Petsmart, and in local kennel clubs. The intervention of a neutral third party maybe just what's needed. That way, you aren't telling your father what to do...it's coming from someone else.


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## LexiAndNikkisMom (Apr 13, 2004)

> _Originally posted by saltymalty_@Jul 27 2005, 01:34 PM
> *I am reminded of the saying...you can't teach an old dog new tricks....
> 
> Maybe your father would appreciate a good book on dog training with a little note from you outlining your expectations.  Or if possible, maybe you and your father could attend a group dog training session.  Those classes are offered at Petsmart, and in local kennel clubs.  The intervention of a neutral third party maybe just what's needed.  That way, you aren't telling your father what to do...it's coming from someone else.
> <div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=85060*


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That sounds like some really good ideas.


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## Ladysmom (Oct 19, 2004)

I firmly believe that we must be our pet's advocate, their voice, since they can't speak for themselves. Other people, even relatives, have no business disciplining Kenji. And a spank on the rear end can cause permanent back imjury in a small dog like a Maltese.

If you have a good relationship with your parents, I'd simply explain your feelings and why you won't be bringing Kenji with you anymore for a visit. Hopefully, they will understand, but if they don't, consider it good practice for if you have human children someday. You wouldn't want anyone hitting them either, would you?

It's a tough situation, but hopefully if you are honest about it, your dad will understand. He may not agree, be he needs to respect your opinion and dog rearing skills.


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## babybinks22 (Jul 24, 2005)

Thank you guys for all the encouragement I need. It is hard for my father right now as he is at home ill. I do not live there so I don't have to bring him over there. Today I decided to really push against him and not just nudge around of how I want him to be disciplined and protected from food allergies and such... but I decided to get angry and annoyed... and took Kenji away as I expressed my feelings about these topics. He did not lay a hand on kenji even when he was barking his head off for attention. I told him to ignore him or he will keep barking the next time for an even longer period of time. He has become very very spoiled.. to the point where he waits at the table for a scrap and has now started barking if we don't give him one. I stood my ground and protected my lil baby... as I always should have. I'm sorry I wasn't stronger towards my father before about these issues.. but now that I've read about the damages that could be done physically and emotionally, I can no longer let things slide by. I do feel bad that my father does not have the pleasure of having fun with kenji by giving him treats... but he does play with him very gently. I do feel bad that kenji has to readjust to how he has been treated. No more table scraps, no attention on demand... and no more spanking or yelling. That's all folks! :excl:


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## k/c mom (Oct 9, 2004)

> _Originally posted by babybinks22_@Jul 28 2005, 01:11 AM
> *Thank you guys for all the encouragement I need.  It is hard for my father right now as he is at home ill.  I do not live there so I don't have to bring him over there.  Today I decided to really push against him and not just nudge around of how I want him to be disciplined and protected from food allergies and such... but I decided to get angry and annoyed... and took Kenji away as I expressed my feelings about these topics.  He did not lay a hand on kenji even when he was barking his head off for attention.  I told him to ignore him or he will keep barking the next time for an even longer period of time.  He has become very very spoiled.. to the point where he waits at the table for a scrap and has now started barking if we don't give him one.  I stood my ground and protected my lil baby... as I always should have.  I'm sorry I wasn't stronger towards my father before about these issues.. but now that I've read about the damages that could be done physically and emotionally, I can no longer let things slide by. I do feel bad that my father does not have the pleasure of having fun with kenji by giving him treats... but he does play with him very gently.  I do feel bad that kenji has to readjust to how he has been treated.  No more table scraps, no attention on demand... and no more spanking or yelling.  That's all folks!    :excl:
> <div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=85248*


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This sounds wonderful!! So that your father can enjoy giving Kenji treats how about holding back a few of Kenji's kibbles and taking them with you to your parent's house and letting your father feed them to Kenji. I wouldn't do it while you all are eating though. Perhaps after dinner your father can have Kenji "sit" and then give a treat.


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## Brinkley & Neyland's Mom (Jun 14, 2004)

> _Originally posted by Kallie/Catcher's Mom_@Jul 28 2005, 06:09 AM
> *This sounds wonderful!! So that your father can enjoy giving Kenji treats how about holding back a few of Kenji's kibbles and taking them with you to your parent's house and letting your father feed them to Kenji. I wouldn't do it while you all are eating though. Perhaps after dinner your father can have Kenji "sit" and then give a treat.
> <div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=85268*


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That is what I was thinking...
Even get some of those chicken jerky treats and take one with you when you go visit. Your dad can break it into pieces and give it to him...or cheerios...something besides table scraps...







Glad it seems to be better. Good luck!


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## Ladysmom (Oct 19, 2004)

Since Lady is diabetic, I have to really watch her treats. My friends and family know to ask before giving her anything.

Chicken jerky is a great freebie. Also, try thawed frozen green beans. Sounds odd, but most dogs love them. Lady is absolutely addicted to them! Baby carrots are another favorite.

Treats don't have to be bad for them. Lady would consider a day without treats not to be worth living, so we've incorporated them into her routine. Hopefully, your Dad will still be able to give Kenji healthy treats and everyone will be happy!


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## LexiAndNikkisMom (Apr 13, 2004)

You could buy some healthy treats and leave them at your parents' house. That way your dad has treats on hand for when you and Kenji visit.


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## paris (Apr 8, 2005)

Glad to hear things are better! I would get some different treats and leave with your dad. That way when you do go visit, it will be special because that is the only place with those specific treats.


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## babybinks22 (Jul 24, 2005)

> _Originally posted by paris_@Jul 28 2005, 11:02 AM
> *Glad to hear things are better!  I would get some different treats and leave with your dad.  That way when you do go visit, it will be special because that is the only place with those specific treats.
> <div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=85346*


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that is an excellent idea! I have "hip chips" treats that he goes bonkers over at my house and at my parents house. But I love your idea! I will keep a specific type of treat... like baby carrots and frozen green beans and only let my papa give them to him!








Thanks for all the advice!


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## bellasmommy (May 8, 2005)

Good job taking a stand for your baby!







I had to do the same thing and its hard to tell basically _all_ of your elders that they're wrong, but its worth it. My grandfather used to give Bella table scraps and when I told him not to he was angry, but Bella's health is more important than his mood. My mother and brother think I am potty training the new puppy "wrong" and and am too "easy" on her, but guess who trained Bella? Me...and my too "nice" method worked. I know it was hard to stand up to him, but you did a great thing for your Malt


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## a2z (Aug 23, 2004)

> > Thank you guys for all the encouragement I need.  It is hard for my father right now as he is at home ill.  I do not live there so I don't have to bring him over there.  Today I decided to really push against him and not just nudge around of how I want him to be disciplined and protected from food allergies and such... but I decided to get angry and annoyed... and took Kenji away as I expressed my feelings about these topics.  He did not lay a hand on kenji even when he was barking his head off for attention.  I told him to ignore him or he will keep barking the next time for an even longer period of time.  He has become very very spoiled.. to the point where he waits at the table for a scrap and has now started barking if we don't give him one.  I stood my ground and protected my lil baby... as I always should have.  I'm sorry I wasn't stronger towards my father before about these issues.. but now that I've read about the damages that could be done physically and emotionally, I can no longer let things slide by. I do feel bad that my father does not have the pleasure of having fun with kenji by giving him treats... but he does play with him very gently.  I do feel bad that kenji has to readjust to how he has been treated.  No more table scraps, no attention on demand... and no more spanking or yelling.  That's all folks!    :excl:
> > <div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=85248
> 
> 
> Standing up to your father was good for your puppy and also good for you.


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## Sunshine (Aug 20, 2004)

> _Originally posted by babybinks22_@Jul 27 2005, 01:45 AM
> *I asked my father not to give Kenji table food but he give him bits of his meal in front of me.  I ask him kindly not to do that for Kenji's health.  He will start the meal off by telling Kenji what he's gonna get at the table.  My mother tries to stop him but he rarely listens to anybody. She understands my concern about his health and bad habits developing but it is really hard to get my father to LISTEN to me. When Kenji barks at someone outside or starts barking at other people or dogs, he shouts really loudly and sometimes spanks him on his butt. His tail lowers and he goes and hides under a table or any cover. I find this miserable for me and my baby. I love my father.. but.. I really can't find a way to get through to him. I recently read a lot of great advice about discipline. I told him the "right way or better way" of training kenji and how discipling him our way would make him more aggressive.  My mother understands as she was always against using force and ugh.. hitting.  My dad however is such a stubborn bully. He thinks because he's owned dogs throughout childhood, he knows how to train them.  I have considered not taking kenji to their house but they enjoy him so much and he loves to be there as well. I wish there was some sort of way he will adhere to my rules in disciplining him and raising him.  Does anyone else have such a problem?
> <div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=84860*


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I had an almost opposite problem - which still arises at times. I do not hit my baby EVER, but if she is naughty she gets the cranky voice and made to sit stay by my feet for a period of time. My father SPOILS HER ROTTEN and does the complete opposite to how I train her - I say no food at the table, he gives it to her. The one that gets to me the most is that I say "no human food" - she's to eat the food that I give her (which is home-made anyway), but they'll still give her steak or whatever they are having. That seriously drives me crazy! Then she gets home and goes on strike and won't eat for a couple of days because she wants my food, not hers.

He even gets up me every time I discipline Abby for doing the wrong thing - you know, tells me to stop it and then picks her up and cuddles her. He loves her to death and I know that, but he undoes my hard work. My Mum does it sometimes too, but she isn't as bad. So every now and then when they get to a certain point, I stop bringing her over and when they ask, I tell them that they are undoing my hard work and spoiling her rotten. I'm the one who has to live with her for the next 15 years, not them. She's my dog and she will be trained the way I see fit. If they can't respect that, then she will not come to visit them. Final. *shrugs* That's the only thing I can see to do - they love her so much and would miss her terribly if I stopped bringing her over permanently, so they usually start to 'behave' again after that. They just need reminding every now and then! LOL


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## fach (Jun 27, 2005)

sounds as if you need to set the rule and if you dad doesn't respect your wishes then don't bring the puppy over there. deal with it now because someday it's going to be your children and discilpine that will be the issue.......


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