# Courtney's Thread - please reply here



## maggieh (Dec 16, 2007)

OK, I've been trying for about 30 minutes to re-create Courtney's heartfelt thread that for some reason is showing up in a strange format. So, after reading 

"Lisa's Collar, lock of fur, paw print," please use this thread for your replies.

Courtney - I'm sorry - after I sent you the PM it "blew up" again! :angry:


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## CorkieYorkie (Apr 10, 2012)

*test...*

Hello all. Today was a really rough one. It was our first morning without Lisa but with Ozzie. Yesterday, we had neither of the dogs and woke up to the worst news of our lives. Today, it was back to work and back to our routine. My husband has been taking this really hard, he would get up early with them when Ozzie would wake up. Then Lisa would wait with him while he ate breakfast and Ozzie would come back upstairs to me (in bed, of course) and I'd pick him back up into bed. Lisa was "his" dog and Ozzie was "mine"; only because Ozzie bonded to me first and really didn't warm up to my husband until Lisa came along... maybe she made him jealous :blush:

Work was difficult for both of us. I should have taken another day off, but I was already overdue on my deadline for the library newsletter, and honestly, I wanted to get out of the house and try to get my mind on other things. It was so hard to fake it today at work, especially dealing with the public. But that is how I deal.

After work on my way home, I was free to let the tears flow that I had been holding in all day. I knew tonight would be especially difficult, coming home to just Ozzie. And Erica, the sweet angel who found Lisa and picked her up and stayed with her, came over tonight. She made the arrangements for her to be cremated, and then yesterday I realized to ask her for a lock of fur and a paw print, if possible. I have a lock of fur from Tiger, my family's yorkie who we put down about 3 years ago, right after we got Ozzie. Ozzie is comforting me yet again.. he has no idea how healing he is.

Meeting Erica was emotional. She was so kind and comforting to us. She lost her dog a year and a half ago to a heart condition, and understood our pain. She would have wanted someone to stop for her dog, too. She had Lisa's collar with her. Her microchip tag with the phone number and her ID number was absolutely filthy. It broke my heart. Her caramel-white fur had tiny specs of dirt in it, but it was her. The paw print is just such a wonderful gift... I so wish I had gotten one of Tiger, he was my first dog. I feel close to her when I put my finger in her little paw pad. 










Ozzie has been looking around the house for her, it is so gut wrenching to watch. He sniffs and sniffs... especially on our bed, which still has sheets with her scent on them (we are terrible about washing sheets). For gods sake, our brand new down comforter from our wedding shower STILL has her PEE soaked in it, we have been too lazy to take it to the laundromat to be cleaned. It is all still too fresh. Yesterday, it didn't see quite real. Sunday, even less so. We were searching and searching, I couldn't believe she was out there. Why couldn't I feel her? I knew we would never find her, I knew we'd never see her again. 

The worst was when we got her collar... Ozzie got so excited. We put it on the mantle and Ozzie went to it... he sat down and looked up at it and cried. He knows. 

Both my husband and I dreamt Sunday night that we had found her. I just remember her being there with me in my dream. As soon as I woke up in the morning, I saw the voicemail and listened. My hopes were so high when she said she had found my dog. But then, when she said she had bad news, I wasn't surprised. Sean and I think that our dream was Lisa saying goodbye to us, and that she was all right. She is safe, and she isn't afraid anymore. 

We like to think that maybe Lisa wasn't meant to be here with us for very long. I didn't tell anyone here, but we found another small bump on the side of her stomach, and it seemed to be getting bigger. We had a vet appt. scheduled to check it out last week (along with vaccinations, which always give me anxiety) but I blew it off and was going to reschedule. Maybe this was God's way of not letting her suffer. Maybe she was sent to us to help us get married. I'm so grateful she was here for our wedding. We didn't even have her two years, yet it feels like much longer, like we had her all along.

I also feel like Lisa sent Erica to us. It turns out that Erica's fiance is an employee at the same animal hospital that Lisa was spayed at, where all of Dog Patch's rescues go for medical care when they save them. Erica was on her way to work when she found Lisa. I really think she is an angel that was sent to Lisa, to help us heal and to bring us closure. After I prayed that we would find Lisa safe and that she would come home to us, I also prayed that if she isn't meant to survive this, that we be brought closure so we would know. I could not bear to not know what happened to her.

The dog walker, Diane, who was supposed to be watching Lisa and keeping her safe for us, left a box of Lisa's belongings on our front porch, because she knew we didn't want to face her. Sean was going to go... if I went... let's just say I didn't want the police called on me. She texted me and said she would pay for cremation, burial, etc. and maybe set up a memorial in Lisa's name. I will think about that. 

Dog Patch is for-profit, and I just found out from the owner that they pulled Lisa from Chicago Animal Care & Control. I was shocked. I had no idea she came from the city.. I had always assumed the suburbs. I think she was an owner surrender, because she never would have been caught otherwise. Her eye had been surgically removed and healed well, so she must have had a family before.

Diane left an azalea on our porch. I didn't want anything to remind me of that dog walker and how she broke my trust. We gave it to Erica, we told her it was just a small token of our gratitude. She took it knowing we couldn't keep it here. I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive Diane. Or her husband, who obviously wasn't qualified to supervise my dogs. I don't believe Diane to be qualified either, because it was she who was responsible. It still KILLS me that she is still in business, taking care of other people's dogs, taking care of MAGGIE'S dogs. 

Our lives are shattered because of their negligence. Lisa escaped RIGHT as we were leaving to come GET her. It is so torturous to think about HOW CLOSE we were. Why didn't we go back Sunday night to look for her? Just because it was dark? We knew she was out there... we should have kept trying, kept looking. 

Sorry this is so long... this is honestly the best therapy I can get right now. Thank you all for your continued support and for listening to me rant. My husband posted on Lisa's Facebook page, I don't think I could have said it more eloquently:

_I miss you so much, Lisa. You were my warm little shadow and always made me feel better about everything. I'm so glad you were a part of my life, even though losing you hurts so badly. I miss your silly little noises, the way you always jumped in my lap, and your boundless happiness as part of our family. I'm thankful I have so many wonderful pictures and memories of you, and for the love you brought into our home. Sleep easy sweetie, don't be afraid anymore; you're safe now and in our hearts forever._


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## maggieh (Dec 16, 2007)

From a test perspective - so far so good. Fingers crossed.

Courtney, thank you for your patience with this! I'm sitting in the cafe at our corporate headquarters trying really hard not to cry as I read this (and work on SM instead of work stuff). Many hugs to you!


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

Courtney, you have been on my mind since Sunday. Honestly, I have no words of solace to offer...nothing. I just want to say that I am sending love to you, your husband Ozzie. But, I am sending even more love out into the universe to find Lisa. She must be a little bit sad, even with her wings and halo, to think of us mourning her. Soon, we will have a happy to to celebrate Lisa Left Eye's life.


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## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

Courtney, I've been praying for you, Sean and Ozzie since hearing about Lisa's disappearance. It is never easy to lose a fluff -- but this was extremely terrible way for it to happen. Words cannot express how heartbroken I am for you all.

I'm praying that God helps provide you some peace.


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## mdbflorida (Feb 28, 2013)

Maggie thank you for recreating it. I sent Courtney a private message because I couldn't post on that thread. 

Courtney, our hearts are with you and I know how hard a sudden taking of our babies can be ever so unsettling. You gave her a wonderful life and she is in your hearts forever.


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## pippersmom (May 21, 2012)

Can't say anything else other than how very sorry I am for what you and your hubby are going through. You have been on my mind all week.


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## wkomorow (Aug 26, 2011)

Courtney,

I also continue to think about you. I am sorry that Sean has taken it so very hard. There will continue to be little things that remind you of Lisa. After a while, when you do, you will think of the good times and not the sadness that surrounded her passing into the next world.


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## CorkieYorkie (Apr 10, 2012)

Thank you all again for your kindness and sympathy. It truly is comforting to read everyone's condolences, similar experiences, etc. 

I have created an album on here for Lisa, but now it won't let me add any more pictures! This forum is driving me crazy today! I will try later tonight when I get home.


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

Courtney - I'm glad that Maggie was able to post your thread here. I know you were asking for a mod to figure out what was going on and I contacted Maggie to take a look at it. I know she's busy with work but she took the time to do this...that's Maggie. :wub: 
Little Lisa, in her short life sure touched a lot of lives and hearts here. She will like on in a part of all our hearts and the lessons her death have taught us all. I know that she was put on earth and mainly into your loving arms for a reason. And indeed maybe the lump was something more and would have been excruciating for you to see her suffer. We'll never know. But we do know that her life with you was all anyone could ask for. Keep looking around for her. She'll leave you little signs that she's still your little guardian angel. :cloud9:


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## jane and addison (Nov 1, 2012)

This is so sad the more I read the more I cry. I feel so bad for you and you husband. Hope things get better for the both of you. She affected us all. Hugs.


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## luvsmalts (Oct 21, 2008)

I'm so sorry this has happened to your family, I think it's all of our worse nightmare. I'm so glad such a kind caring person found Lisa. I know you will find much comfort in the momentous she saved for you. It makes me so sad that it's so hard to find someone we can trust our babies with. I'm going to be using a pet sitter for the first time in a few weeks
because my family will be with me there is no one else. I know if my little guy ever got loose no one would be able to catch him.

I loved your wedding cake topper of Lisa and Ozzie it is even more meaningful now I hope it will always bring a smile to your face.


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## Malt Shoppe (Jul 20, 2011)

Courtney and Sean, the grief felt over the loss of precious Lisa has gone worldwide. When one of our precious members' fluff is lost, I think I can say, we all suffer and worry. This is no exception and is tragic to the extreme.

I know I've been in a slump ever since learning she went missing. May God heal all of us and help us through this sad time. I hurt even more knowing you pain is greater. Just know that many people around this earth are thinking about your precious Lisa Left Eye.

Much Love,
Claire


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## mylittleleo (Jan 23, 2014)

Courtney, I read your post last night but wasn't able to comment on it. I cried the entire time while reading through your post. Selfishly, I feel like I'm experiencing this loss through your words, but I know the sadness I feel doesn't hold the slightest candle to what you and your family are going through.

I wish you all the best and hope you know we're all supporting you here.


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## MalteseJane (Nov 21, 2004)

She came in your dream to say good bye. And she came to both of you. She was telling you she is alright. I wish I could ease your pain. :grouphug::grouphug:


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## CloudClan (Jan 31, 2007)

She was so loved! :heart: 

We share your sorrow at her loss and grieve with you. :grouphug:


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## lynda (Oct 11, 2005)

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:


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## revakb2 (Sep 8, 2006)

May your pain and grief lesson and be replaced by good memories of Lisa.


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## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

Courtney, we grieve with you, you are living my worse nightmare, little Lisa will always have a special place in my heart I will never forget Lisa Left Eye, her time down here was short, but has left all of us with love for her. I keep my prayers going for you, Sean and little Ozzie
Ozzie must be wondering where his sister is, poor baby boy, give him extra loves from me


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## Ahag (Aug 28, 2013)

Courtney, you are such a lucky woman to have adopted and been a momma to a beautiful girl that touched the heart of so many people. My heart goes out to you and I wish I could help ease the pain in some way, even though I know time is the only healer. I hope you and your hubby's pain eases and you find peace. I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason. Maybe she was only here for a short time but her purpose was to be here for you and ease things during a certain period in your life. Now you have a guardian looking out for you and your family. She's now in heaven with her body whole and healed trying to heal your heart from the other side. She would not want you to be sad but to celebrate the life you shared together. I'll pray for you to find peace soon, you will be in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Maglily (Feb 3, 2009)

Yes your loss and sorrow is shared by so many. Its just so sad. I hope you feel better a little each day.


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## maggieh (Dec 16, 2007)

Courtney, I wanted to tell you that my old team at Nav saw the FB posts about Lisa and have been sending me texts, asking me to pass their condolences along to you. Lisa has touched so many hearts!


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## jbh06751 (May 16, 2014)

So many of us have had to deal with losing a beloved dog in ways that are hard to deal with and we understand your feelings. Before we adopted our Maltese we had a little fellow who succumbed to lymphoma at less than 3 years old. We had him just short of a year and it seemed so unfair that we had so little time with him and he didn't get to grow old with us. I remember the night after we had to put him down that I was just drifting off to sleep when I heard a loud and sharp bark, just like his as clear as anything. It scared me and I sat up. then realized he wasn't there. I don't know where that bark came from. It was real. I know I heard it. This is the first time I've told anyone about it because I thought my family and friends would think I'd lost my mind. I like to think Sailor was telling me it was OK and he wasn't in pain anymore. I think your dreams were telling you the same thing.
I'm crying for you, your husband and for Ozzie. I wish you nothing but peace and strength as time goes on and heals you. You will never forget but the pain will get better in time. 
We dealt with it by adopting Max very soon after Sailor died and getting involved in rescue work. We planted a dogwood tree for him and time is forming a thin skin over the open wound. We talk of him now and laugh remembering his quirks. You will do the same in time.


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## ladodd (Jan 8, 2012)

Courtney, I have cried for your loss since we heard the news. I told a couple of my coworkers, they've cried as well. I only got to have the privilege of Luci in my life for 2 years. I've never known such heartbreak. I truly believe that some people and animals are just too special to be here but for a short time. Their presence is so tremendous that God needs them back to help spread more of their grace and love. Be sad for now, but be glad for the time you shared with her.


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

Courtney and Sean ...

I, too, have shed many tears over your beloved angel ... Left Eye Lisa. My prayers continue for both of you ... and, sweet Ozzie, too.

I posted on my FB wall about Lisa. I know some SM members who cannot post here every day ... and, thus, might not have known what happened. I asked them, if possible, to post something here for you. (just in case they are not listed as one of your FB friends) It warms my heart to see that several did read my message and have posted here for you. You can also read the messages on my FB wall for you. (my FB name is ... Marie Zech)

My prayer tonight is that you and Sean feel the deep love and caring we are all feeling for you now. I pray it brings you some comfort and peace, and that, hopefully, it helps ease some grief that you are experiencing. 

Lisa will always live in all of our hearts. 

With love and hugs ...

Marie


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## CorkieYorkie (Apr 10, 2012)

MalteseJane said:


> She came in your dream to say good bye. And she came to both of you. She was telling you she is alright. I wish I could ease your pain. :grouphug::grouphug:


That is what we think too. :heart:



ladodd said:


> Courtney, I have cried for your loss since we heard the news. I told a couple of my coworkers, they've cried as well. I only got to have the privilege of Luci in my life for 2 years. I've never known such heartbreak. I truly believe that some people and animals are just too special to be here but for a short time. Their presence is so tremendous that God needs them back to help spread more of their grace and love. Be sad for now, but be glad for the time you shared with her.


We were saying this too, Lisa was too special to be here for long. 

Each night we've just come home and sat and talked about Lisa, and just cried together. We have been remembering her quirks, and BOY were they many. She ate poop and everything and anything she could! She would run and run, and loved to give kisses. She would wait for us outside the shower so she could lick us. She licked my husband's beard after showering because it was full of water. 

She was so weird, but so adorable in her weirdness. She was like a noodle in that she was so flexible... that's how she got through the fence. I should have known. Sean swears there was a huge plant covering this gap when we visited the first time. Maybe he's right. I know we need to stop blaming ourselves and asking "what if" and "why didn't we". 

My father told me that him and his boss were waiting on their graphic designer to come make new flyers about Lisa with a reward offered, when he got my text message that she had passed. He left me a voicemail crying, completely shocked. I have never heard him like that, maybe for when my Grandma passed away. He said his boss cried too. He has Maltese as well, and came to our wedding.

She touched so many. We've been looking at all her pictures. I am so glad I am an obsessive dog person and took so many photos! And I have about 5 or 6 videos, which I will treasure forever. They are mostly of her fighting with Ozzie and them chasing each other, which they did often!


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## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

Malt Shoppe said:


> Courtney and Sean, the grief felt over the loss of precious Lisa has gone worldwide. When one of our precious members' fluff is lost, I think I can say, we all suffer and worry. This is no exception and is tragic to the extreme.
> 
> I know I've been in a slump ever since learning she went missing. May God heal all of us and help us through this sad time. I hurt even more knowing you pain is greater. Just know that many people around this earth are thinking about your precious Lisa Left Eye.
> 
> ...


 what you wrote is soooo true


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## Shenno (Oct 1, 2013)

Courtney, I have followed your story and I am so heartbroken for you and your family. None of us can take the pain from you but we all share in your grief. It is so upsetting to know that there are so few people that we can trust with our fluffs. I had a little scare many years ago with a pet sitter and I have been paranoid ever since. I know none of us will forget what happened to your family. I am so sorry that this happened.


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## pammy4501 (Aug 8, 2007)

Courtney, I have to tell you I am sorry. At first I couldn't make myself read the story of what happened to Lisa. It actually made me have a physical response. I just couldn't make myself think about it. But today I broke down and read it and I am devastated for you. What a tragedy for all involved. I don't really have words for you. When I lost my girl Lola I found that for me, turning the loss into something good was very important. Maybe you can do a memorial fund for AMAR or another worthy dog cause. Maybe her loss can help save other dogs lives. Peace to you.


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## Piccolina (Dec 25, 2009)

L..........Little did we know how much we loved Lisa:heart:

I...........I have been constantly communicating with Courtney privately trying to lift her spirit :grouphug:

S..........Sean and Courtney need time to grieve:smcry::crying 2:

A..........And when their tears will dry, they will start remembering all the happy moments with Lisa:hump:




*


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## Summergirl73 (Sep 18, 2011)

Oh Courtney, I just truly cannot find the words to even begin to explain how sorry we are for your loss of precious Lisa. My DH and I want you to know that you are very much on our hearts. One foot in front of the other dear friend. That's all you can expect right now.


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## sherry (Jan 4, 2013)

Courtney, here I go again! I can't seem to stop the tears when I think about little Lisa! Just know she was loved by many. I know you and hubby are hugging Ozzie tighter. I'm so happy to hear that Lisa came to you and said goodbye.


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## CorkieYorkie (Apr 10, 2012)

Morning is the hardest time for us. She slept in our bed. When we wake up, the nightmare becomes real. 

Thursdays are my night to work; I'd sleep in (of course!) with the fluffs then curl up on the couch to read or watch TV til it was time to get ready for work.

Taking Ozzie outside is also so hard... It is SO weird only worrying about one dog.. Not constantly dividing my attention up between them & keeping an eye on them in the backyard. 

I so feel her there, she loved to just plop down in the grass (or mulch or dirt lol) & sun herself til she panted & I'd have to pick her up & take her inside. She so loved to run around outside <3

I can't believe it's been a week since I last saw her. I miss her so much, it's like a part of me is gone. I just don't feel like the same person.


Sent from Petguide.com Free App


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## eiksaa (Jun 8, 2012)

Hugs and love to you guys. 


Sent from Petguide.com App


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## lydiatug (Feb 21, 2012)

Heartwrenching, so difficult to read your thoughts, but even more difficult for you to have to endure this. Thank you somuch for sharing with us and please know that you, Sean & Ozzie are in my prayers along with your special angel, Lisa...rest easy sweetheart.


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## Alexa (Aug 6, 2009)

Heartbreaking to read your feelings...! A nightmare you have to go through.

Sending hugs.


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

Courtney, it has been said 
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

My heart has been breaking for you and your DH & little Ozzie so I wanted to break my "fast" and come to let you know that you are very much in my prayers. You have been dealt a heavy blow that would leave any one of us staggering. It is one of those "life changing moments" that we all come face to face with if we live long enough. My prayer is that you will be able to turn your anger & grief into a positive direction at some point (that will be a process) that will benefit pups like Lisa---she may have been sent on loan to you for a little while for just this purpose. Take your time---grief isn't lineal--mostly it is 3 steps forward & 6 back. Be kind to yourself.
I hope you know that all of us who love your babies are holding you in our hearts & prayers. 
It really does seem that the brightest stars burn out the fastest. May your sweet memories overtake the deep grief you are enduring. I am hugging my two even more tonight. 
I never told anyone (that I remember at least) that Lisi got out once from my puppy sitter in Greece & ran in a very busy street. It was a miracle that she wasn't hit---I never left her again w/this lady who was BTW very competent. Things happen good & bad but I don't know how I would have felt if I had gotten your news. None of us do. Sending you both much love & sweet hugs for Ozzie.


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## Bailey&Me (Mar 8, 2010)

Courtney, my heart breaks for you. I just can't believe this happened. I can feel your pain through your words and it is heart wrenching. I'm so sorry. I've had you in my thoughts and will continue send prayers your way.


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## maltese manica (Nov 6, 2012)

My heart is very heavy for you and your husband. I am truly heartbroken myself, and this is just so sad. I wish we could package a hug and send it to you.


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## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

Love being sent your way:wub: one day at a time, some days you just crawl through.
I wish with all my heart I could go back in time and change things for you and Sean, my heart aches for you, tears are flowing now. I am so sorry


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

(((HUGS))) Hope you can feel them from all of us.


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## Daisy's Mommie (Sep 24, 2012)

Courtney, I have thought of nothing all week except you and your husband and your precious Lisa. I am so sorry for your loss--there are no words. Lisa knew you loved her and I'm sure she will be your special angel from now on. Play with the angels at Rainbow Bridge sweet Lisa....


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## socalyte (Nov 15, 2010)

I've been thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers and my heart. I cannot even begin to imagine what you're going through and how gut-wrenching this is for you. I can't think of anything eloquent to say because I just can't process how awful this is. I know with my Dolly it helped that I set up a memorial for her at the Rainbow Bridge (rainbowbridge.com). I could describe my thoughts and feelings and the wonderful people there were so warm and understanding. I hope that soon you will be able to remember your sweet girl with a smile instead of tears. Big hugs.


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## chichi (Apr 12, 2007)

Courtney, Iam so sorry about Lisa. I know how much your hearts are breaking. It is something that we all fear for our babies.Please know what a good mommy you were and remember all of the good times that you had with little Lisa.


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## .13124 (Jun 1, 2012)

I am so sorry about your loss, reading this whole thread just brought me to tears and I have no words or way of expressing my condolences. She is loved and will be missed by more people than she could imagine because even though I did not meet her, when I first saw her picture my heart warmed up.
:grouphug:


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