# Question about kids?



## Vikki and Audrey (Jan 12, 2005)

So... I have a question about babies!! 
I am 28 and my hubbie is 34 - I am in the very early stages of toying with the idea of a baby (of the human rather than fluffy variety). Up until a few months ago I didn't ever think about having kids, in fact was pretty certain that I didn't want them. My husband says he doesn't want kids - the funny thing is that he would be a GREAT Dad! He doesn't think we have the time or the money - but I don't think anyone ever has the right amount of time or money - you either have to do it or not!

The thing is... I don't really know what to do with children - I don't know many (I'm an only child) and I can't really imagine dealing with all the poo and sleepless nights and annoying crying. Can it REALLY be true that when it's your own, none of that matters? Or do you need to have that 'Mother gene' where you always know that you want to have kids and love babies and small kids??

I suppose it's little Audrey who has got me thinking about it, as I feel like i am a pretty good Mum to her and love her to bits. But then I've always liked dogs - even other people's.









The general consensus between the older (my Mother's) generation is that having babies ruins your relationship with your partner because everything becomes about the baby for the next 18 years.

So what to do?? If you could all have your life over would you still have babies? Would you have one or more? Would you have had them later or earlier than you did if you could do it over?

For those who don't have kids yet - are you planning on having them - anyone NOT want children?

I would love to hear everyone's point of view....


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## abbey (Apr 4, 2005)

Wow!!







I would have to say that children are ALOT of work! I have always wanted children, have always babysat, went to college to be a teacher, etc. so I knew they would be in my plans someway, sometime. I have always wanted alot of children, however have stopped at 2 - still get the "desire" for a 3rd sometimes but then I remember all the hard work. But children to me are sooo rewarding. They give back so much that all the hard work is definately worth it in the end. I have a sister and a sister-in-law who after having 1 child, called it quits and thought it was too much work - They never regretted their one child but never desired anymore either. Hope I've helped!


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## miko's mommy (Feb 8, 2005)

I just posted under the other thread. I am 27 and so is my husband. We both feel ready for kids (okay, maybe I feel a little more ready than he does, but he totally wants kids). I know what you mean about not being around kids since I was one of 2 kids and my sister was older. However, I feel confident that once I am in the mommy position, I will know what to do. 

When I was in college, I was totally sure that I did not want kids -- all I wanted to do was to be a physician. Once I was in med school and past the hard first 2 years, my biological clock kicked in. Miko is like our first baby and sort of a practice one and I think we are doing great with him. 

I am not worried about our marriage being affected by kids. We have been together for 9 years. We grew up together and made it through 3 years of long distance relationship. We graduated from college together, my husband graduated from grad school this past june and in May I will graduate from med school -- so it seems like we are all grown up and ready for kids. However, the idea of going off the pills does scare the crap out of me :new_Eyecrazy: !!!!!


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## LexiAndNikkisMom (Apr 13, 2004)

I've always wanted kids but then I have always been around kids and babies. On my dad's side there is 12 grandkids (age range 32-19). On my mom's side there is 13 grandkids (age rang 30-1) and 3 great-grandkinds (age range 8-1). I've also babysat since I was 12. I'm one of those crazy baby people.









Do you have any friends with kids? Maybe you can hang out with them and when you get comfortable with them watch them for a little while. That is a great way to learn.


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## Teddyandme (Feb 6, 2005)

Vicki,

I can say that being a mother is the most incredible gift I have ever been given. I have loved every single age my daughter was...always feeling that the age she was then was the perfect age. I always knew I wanted a child from the time I was around 10 years old. For some reason though I always believed I was only going to have one...even though I wanted more. Turns out that I was only able to have one...but boy is she perfect. 

I turly believe that it is your frame of mind in a lot of things...during pregnancy, I was so happy to have this little being in me and to be able to feel her was just unbelievable, and then when I finally was able to meet this little girl...I was so beside myself with so many emotions from pure joy to over protectiveness. I tried for many years to have another child...but it was not to be...if I could now I still would want another.

Only you can tell if you would want a child...but I can say this...it is different when it is your own....no doubt about it...and I believe that adopted children are your own...once you adopt. So, you have this little being that you would just do anything for...and you don't think about what it is taking from you...only what you can do to make their life better.

I know one thing in life...I have been a good mother...other things I am not so certain of....but motherhood. Nothing better.


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## charmypoo (Sep 11, 2004)

I cannot dream of not having children. I plan to have children one day and it is very important to both my boyfriend and myself. Yes, it changes relationships and there will be alot of focus on the new baby. But you will be putting a lot of focus on the baby too not just your husband. 

All my friends that had babies recently (3 of them) are all loving the baby life!


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## Vikki and Audrey (Jan 12, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Teddyandme_@Oct 10 2005, 04:11 PM
> *Vicki,
> 
> I always knew I wanted a child from the time I was around 10 years old.  For some reason though I always believed I was only going to have one...even though I wanted more.  Turns out that I was only able to have one...but boy is she perfect.
> <div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=108142*


[/QUOTE]


I almost wish that I had this same felling - then I would know for sure what I want to do!!
You see for me it has never crossed my mind until very recently and I am 28!!
As I don't think having a baby is somethig you just 'do', how do you ever know if you're really ready? 

To make it worse, my husband at 34 still doesn't think he is ready - if he ever will be - despite him having all the qualities that I think would make him a great parent. If HIS biological clock hasn't kicked in at 34, will it ever?
I don't want to have kids unless he does - it's not something you can do by halves!


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## Baxter and Wally's Mom (Aug 18, 2005)

You know, I never liked babysitting as a kid but always grew up thinking I would have kids, because isn't that the way it works? I have 4 neices and nephews that I loved dearly and loved spending days and weekends with...I also LOVED when Mom picked them up. I got married at the ripe old age of 18 and wasn't smart enough to make a choice about children. After 8 years we thought, hmmm maybe, but then found out my husband couldn't. I've always felt like God knew better than me about whether I should or not, and I'm not second guessing Him! Now I'm married 29 years and only have 3 furry babies to worry about, and they don't stay out at night! I'm sure children would have been a blessing, but I rather like my spoiled childless life. (I do miss the grown up neices and nephews though....)


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## louise (Sep 10, 2005)

I agree with Abbey. I would also add that it wouid not ruin your relationship if you and your husband always make time for each other. My husband is my best freind. we have been though a lot with our kids. Our son has many medical problems. He will never live on his own. my hubby and I our a team. But that is another thing to consider. things can happen you have to be prepared for anything. I sure had no idea my live would be this chalenging. I adore my son completly but there are some very hard days. so in the end you have to decide what is best for you. good luck


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## miko's mommy (Feb 8, 2005)

> _Originally posted by CharmyPoo_@Oct 10 2005, 02:14 PM
> *I cannot dream of not having children.
> <div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=108144*


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That's exactly how I feel. If something happens and we cannot have children, we would definitely adopt. I would probably want a little child from Russia but my American husband doesn't want to plan that far since we both hope that we can have our own. I can't imagine living the rest of my life without children.


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## hambys97 (Feb 25, 2005)

I just posted on another thread regarding this very issue. I would not be able to understand "being certain that I didn't want children". I have always wanted to have kids. I was the oldest sibling in my family, helped take care of my brothers, babysat, and for me I felt incomplete before having kids. 
I think that there are more opportune times than others (regarding time and money) but there will NEVER be a perfect time. I am just grateful for my blessings given in my 3 children. I love everything about being a mom. Now, that doesn't mean that in the middle of the night when my babies have been up 10 times, and I am so tired, that I don't think "why did I do this?" Then, I look into my kids eyes, and all is forgotten. 
Everyone needs to decide what is important to them. While this worked for myself and my husband, I know it isn't the right choice for everyone. I think you need to really dig inside yourself and try to decide if this is something YOU really want, or do you think it is from seeing others that you are afraid you might be missing something. (Please, don't take that the wrong way. Nothing bad is intended) And then you have to be willing to compromise with your husband. It is not only your life, it is his as well. Please do not try to convince him it is the right thing, if he is against it. This could lead to trouble, and possibly if you have children, he could resent the child. No child deserves that! 
I guess, to sum it all up, do what works for your family, not someone elses's.


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## charmypoo (Sep 11, 2004)

> _Originally posted by okw_@Oct 10 2005, 04:28 PM
> *If something happens and we cannot have children, we would definitely adopt.*


My boyfriend and I have actually discussed this. We both want kids one day. We talk about things like .. if he can't have kids, he wants to adopt a child completely not related to either of us. It's pretty strange where our conversations go.


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## lethalfire (Sep 7, 2005)

Is it different when the child is your own??? YES! The minute you become 
pregnant and hear the heart beat and feel the little kicks and then the first 
time you see that precious face. I never knew how STRONG love could be till
I had my first child.

Watching them grow and learning new things. Being there for all their firsts and
teaching them morals and the proper way to act in life and how to think for them
selves. 

Yes it can be a lot of work but they are a part of YOU. Children are so innocent
and quick to learn.

Now when my children get to be teens I might have a different view on things.


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## littlepeanut (Dec 5, 2004)

I've always wanted a family. I can't picture my future without babies







Gosh, I guess it's always been what I wanted, but I'm not ready yet.


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## HappyB (Feb 28, 2005)

Whether to have children or not have them is only the business of the two parents who will raise them. Some people are "meant" to be parents, and some have them and shouldn't. 
For me, my three, along with God and my dogs, are the center of my life. I had a son who died of meningitis when he was three weeks old. God blessed us with premature twins a year and eight days later. My husband was satisfied with the girls (and a little scared to have another one), but he often said having our son was one of the best tricks I played on him. Actually, it wasn't a trick, as he was aware all along that it was in the planning. He now treats our son like the golden boy who can have whatever he desires.
I basically raised our three on my own. I chose to divorce when my girls were in third grade, and my son in kindergarten. I had financial help from my ex, but not much cooperation. In fact, he did everything he could to make my life miserable. My children do have a relationship with their father. They also had a wonderful step mother who came along later. She and I are friends, and she knows I feel sorry for her (everybody does). It was at this time that I went back to work.
Raising three children and working the hours I did was not easy. I did have a housekeeper part time, and a farm manager who drove the kids back and forth to school, and even taught them to drive cars and tractors. My children and I had a special bond while they were growing up, and we still do. They all feel comfortable coming to me with their worries/problems.
My children are all grown. My baby is finishing graduate school in engineering. I'm very close to all three. While they don't live close, we do talk on the phone almost daily. 
Now, my dogs fill my home. I think that if I didn't have them, I would not be able to handle life like I do. They were my therapy when my children went away to college. I talk with them, and I plan my time around their needs, just like I did my children when they were younger.


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## saltymalty (Sep 14, 2004)

First, let me start by saying that children change your lives...forever. You are no longer free to come and go as you please, you are no longer able to dine in fine restaurants, and you become instantly poor (all your $$$ goes to the baby). And you will never sleep as deeply as you do now. Now that the "bad stuff" is out of the way...there is nothing more fulfilling in life than becoming a parent. No boss will ever look at you and think you are the most wonderful human being on this planet like a child will. No job will be as rewarding as that of parent. No love will be greater than that you have for your child. To me, the good far out weighs the bad, which isn't that bad at all! Including the poopy diapers (which only last a couple of years). I will tell you that both you and your husband are still young. My youngest was born when I was 37 and my husband was 46. And it is true...everyone else has brats...yours will be angels! That's the way it is. I am sure you and your husband will make wonderful parents.


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## k/c mom (Oct 9, 2004)

I posted this in the other thread but thought it really belonged here!

When I was married, my husband and I decided we didn't want kids. Long story. Anyway, I've been divorced for more than 20 years. Now in my 50s I wish I did have kids. How nice it would be to have grown children in their 20s or 30s now. As it is, I am pretty much on my own. My parents are deceased and all my relatives live in other states. I have a few great friends, but they have their families and their lives so there are times when I am lonely and wish I had grown children and grandchildren.

However, I never could quite picture myself raising kids. I never thought I was cut out for it. And muscular dystrophy runs in my family and I would have had to have genetic testing to see if I am a carrier of the gene, etc. So, that sort of kept me from wanting to have kids, also. It's weird though.... if I were about 15 years younger I think I would want to adopt one or two children from China. Now, finally, in my 50s I think I wouldn't mind having kids. 

So, those of you who have decided not to... just make sure you are 100% sure of your decision....I truly think there are more people who regret not having them than regret having them.


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## Deanna (Jan 14, 2005)

My husband and I are childfree by choice. 

Some words of advice; 
don't do it because it's the "natural" next step
Don't do it because people tell you to
Don't do it to fix anything or fulfill anything in your life. 

Have kids because you want to create a human, you want to spend 24/7 for the rest of your life being responsible for another human. Have kids because you can't imagine a life without them.


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## NewMom328 (Apr 15, 2005)

Well I'm only 23..which I dont really think is young but most people will tell me that I have my whole life ahead of me. Anyway, at this exact point in my life I dont see myself with children. I have never been the maternal type. I always hated babysitting. I love having things just the way I like them, a dirty/ messy house gives me major anxiety. I couldnt imagine having toys to pick up and all their crap all over the place. I am the oldest in my family with two younger brothers and I feel like that has been enough mothering to them. I also worked in a school with disabled children and when I look at all the terrible things that can happen to kids, I just cant see myself taking those chances. Also, having been a biology major and learning about all the diseases and things that can affect kids is a scary thought. The odds seem so slim to have a normal well adjusted child. I know you love your children no matter what, but I'm a very logical reasonable need-the-facts kind of person. Now, my mom does have friends with no children, who now, in their 50's, regret not having a family to be close to. I actually dont even see myself getting married...but then again my life is very up in the air now. Perhaps when I am more settled down, my thoughts will change.


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## msmagnolia (Sep 8, 2004)

The only people that should make the decision to have or not to have a baby are the man and woman involved. Their parents, their siblings and their friends will not be the ones raising the child and they should stay out of it. My own daughters say that they aren't sure if they will want children. I hope they'll change their minds, but I wouldn't dream of telling them that. It is simply not a decision that someone else can make.

Now, having said all of that, I am so glad that my husband and I had children. For us it was the right choice. And the thing is that we don't really like babies. We don't like to play pass the baby, we don't like parties where somebody brings their baby when everyone else got a sitter, and we hate being in a restaurant next to a crying baby. Somehow, though, it is different when it is your baby. The uncertainty kind of melts away. 

For all of those who are considering having children, I will tell you that there is no perfect time. It simply doesn't exist. I think that this decision is largely based on following what your heart tells you.


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## ConnieVa (May 9, 2005)

I too am an ONLY child. I am now in my mid 50's but grew was never around children but felt having children was what was expected. It took me 7 years before I had my ONLY son. 

I was never comfortable with small children. I do believe I was a good Mother but early childhood was hard for me. This may sound funny but once my son turned 13 it was like suddenly being a Mother was the most wonderful, best thing in the world. I love teenagers!!!!! 

In spite of what people say you can be "friends" with your children. My son respected me growing up and he knew he could come to me with "anything" and I do mean anything. Other parents would ask me how could I possibly get my son to talk about anyting and everything. I always said it was because from the time he was a young child I never talked DOWN to him. Not only did I get on my knees and look him eye to eye, I also took everthing he said to me serious. Some parents forget that what may seem foolish to us is serious to our children.

For me, that worked. I am not sure it would work for all parents. I heard my son tell his wife not long ago. "Danielle, I want to raise our son, like my mom raised me" My heart doubled in size to overhear my son say that to his wife. 

I am the proud Grandmother of an 19 month old ONLY Grandson. It's still hard for me to relate to small children but the love is there. I also find myself treating him like I did my son when he was the same age.

You have to do what is right for you and your husband. Children is not right for everyone. For me, I can't imagine not having my son. Even though he is 6'5" and well over 200lbs he is still "MY LITTLE BOY"

Good luck with your decission


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## Vikki and Audrey (Jan 12, 2005)

> _Originally posted by msmagnolia_@Oct 10 2005, 08:27 PM
> *Now, having said all of that, I am so glad that my husband and I had children.  For us it was the right choice.  And the thing is that we don't really like babies.  We don't like to play pass the baby, we don't like parties where somebody brings their baby when everyone else got a sitter, and we hate being in a restaurant next to a crying baby.  Somehow, though, it is different when it is your baby.  The uncertainty kind of melts away.  <div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=108264*


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Ok that is interesting, because it's how we feel too - we had friends come to stay with an 8 month old baby (he and Audrey were the same age!!) and it took me 2 days to pick him up and that was basically because his mother just put him in my lap. I could not believe how HEAVY he was!! That was fine and I think I did ok, but I wasn't exactly champing at the bit to coo over him to begin with!


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## msmagnolia (Sep 8, 2004)

> _Originally posted by Vikki and Audrey+Oct 11 2005, 09:17 AM-->
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Ok that is interesting, because it's how we feel too - we had friends come to stay with an 8 month old baby (he and Audrey were the same age!!) and it took me 2 days to pick him up and that was basically because his mother just put him in my lap. I could not believe how HEAVY he was!! That was fine and I think I did ok, but I wasn't exactly champing at the bit to coo over him to begin with!
<div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=108384
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My husband had never held a baby before we had our oldest daughter. I babysat a lot when I was a teen. It doesn't matter. YOUR child will give you a different feeling that other people's kids. I still don't really like babies. I expect I'll love my grandchildren (if I have any). I really enjoyed my girls when they got to be about 6 months old. Once the personality started to show then I was fine. I found babies to be kind of boring, but they that is a good period to get used to being a parent.


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## saltymalty (Sep 14, 2004)

One bit of advice, if you can at all afford help while they are young, it is so worth it to have someone come in a few times a week (or every day if you can). There are lots of burdens placed on new mothers and having someone else clean dirty toilets and wash the laundry makes it that much easier. 

On the point of other children, we would attend a lot of organized play activities and I enrolled my children in school from age 3. We never really did a lot of play dates because quite honestly, I couldn't handle any more kids...and they were so scheduled with dance, tennis, sports, music and school that there really wasn't much "free" time. 

One final piece of advice...and this really goes to all parents with small children...please take the time for your husband/wife because, while the kids are important, so is the relationship that the two of you have. Make time for a "date night" at least a couple of times a month. It doesn't have to be anything fancy...our last "date" consisted of having dinner at the diner and then going to Costco without the kids. We're boring, what can I say? But make sure that you take time for each other away from the kids. We always try to take a week vacation just the two of us. And never ever let the kids share your bed at night. Believe it or not, that has ruined more marriages that I know of. Instead, make the routine a morning one...let them come in a watch cartoons on Saturdays, with lots of snuggle time. Of course, when they are sick, or newborns that's a different story.


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## abkadefkey (Sep 27, 2005)

I never wanted children when I was growing up. I am the oldest girl of a huge(in the teens), dysfunctional(think Jerry Springer), borderline abusive, family. Sometimes I think my parents were trying to repopulate the earth single handedly. Because I was the oldest girl and my mother is insane, I got stuck with alot of adult responsibility at a very yound age. I have older brothers but my parents were very old school, they were boys, boys do not baby sit, that womans work. 

Because of that and a long list of other reasons, I never wanted children. I didn't want the responsibility. But as some one else said, God knows best.

When I was 17 I got kicked out of the house during one of my mothers fits of insanity. I decided right then and there that I was going to do everything that I had ever gotten in trouble for and not actually done. The first one I picked resulted in pregnancy and eliminated all the others on the list. So here I am 17, my parents disowned me, I'm homeless and pregnant. I knew that I was going to keep the baby and be the best mother I could possibly be to him. No other option ever even crossed my mind. My boyfriend, now husband and I decided to get married and we have never looked back. I had my son about 6 months after I got married. My daughter follwed a few years later. Followed shortly thereafter by my second daughter, who passed away when she was 12 weeks old. 

Although I never wanted children, our (my husband and my) entire world revolves around those two. When I look at where we are now verses where we started at, I feel so blessed. We have been through alot. And we have come a long way. We have worked so hard to not even remotely resemble our less than admirable roots. At one point my husband worked 2 jobs and was a full time student, while I worked part time and was a fulltime student. Do I regret having them so young, yes. But I do not regret having them. My son was literally raised by the book. I didn't have a Mother that I could ask for guidance. I am sure that I made a ton of mistakes. And I am dead positive that I will make a much better Grandmother than I do a mother. But that's what life experience does for you.

Anyways, now I'm rambling, I forgot where I was gong with this.

When it comes down to it, only you can make this decision. And what worked out for me, may not be what's right for you. Just follow your instincts. That's all I can say.


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## Caesar's Mommie (Apr 8, 2004)

> _Originally posted by abkadefkey_@Oct 11 2005, 11:21 AM
> *I never wanted children when I was growing up.  I am the oldest girl of a huge(in the teens), dysfunctional(think Jerry Springer), borderline abusive, family.  Sometimes I think my parents were trying to repopulate the earth single handedly.  Because I was the oldest girl and my mother is insane, I got stuck with alot of adult responsibility at a very yound age. I have older brothers but my parents were very old school, they were boys, boys do not baby sit, that womans work.
> 
> Because of that and a long list of other reasons, I never wanted children.  I didn't want the responsibility.  But as some one else said, God knows best.
> ...


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Wow, a big



































for you! That is amazing!!


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## joe (Jan 5, 2003)

having my son and being a dad is the greatest gift i've ever received, it does change your life, mine for the better, although there will always be ups and downs it is worth it without a doubt, having said that mine is turning 14 in February so I may change my tune in the next couple years :lol: i'm glad we did it when we were young, I'll only be 38, Kim 39, when he graduates high school







and then life starts over for me and my her while we're still young, no, the time will never be right and you'll never have the money you need/want but life is just that, its meant to be lived, take what your given and make it what you can


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## msmagnolia (Sep 8, 2004)

abkadefkey, What a great story. You are an inspiration! I truly believe that people can turn their lives around if they have determination. You are living proof.


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## bellasmommy (May 8, 2005)

I'm 26, and the last five years have really changed me. I've always wanted a baby, but I swear something hormonal has kicked in and now I feel I simply must have a child. I got Bella and that has helped, but I still want a baby so bad it really does hurt to see others with their children. I'm waiting until I'm financially stable, but I'm not waiting until everythings perfect, because I don't think there is ever a perfect time to have a child. I've always wanted to be a stay at home mom, but I'm not married, so how's that going to work? My mom thinks this is a funny situation, but i'm really concerned about it. I know I could adopt and work and have someone stay with the baby during the day, but I guess Im conceited and dont think someone else would be as good for the baby as I would be. Oh well, I guess I should just be happy I live in an age where I have options.


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## a2z (Aug 23, 2004)

Think very carefully before you make a decision. It is a lifetime committment, not just 18 years. And it is hard work and requires dedication and effort. Try babysitting several small babies for a week before you decide. If that doesn't turn you off and you have enough money to afford all the many things children need and want, then go for it!!!

I have told my children that if I had it to do over again I would have doggies instead - so much easier to care for and you don't have to cook their food or go to PTA meetings or give birthday parties (unless you want to!), etc, etc.... haha!


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## Karen542 (May 4, 2005)

> _Originally posted by a2z_@Oct 12 2005, 12:22 PM
> *Think very carefully before you make a decision. It is a lifetime committment, not just 18 years.  And it is hard work and requires dedication and effort. Try babysitting several small babies for a week before you decide. If that doesn't turn you off and you have enough money to afford all the many things children need and want, then go for it!!!
> 
> I have told my children that if I had it to do over again I would have doggies instead - so much easier to care for and you don't have to cook their food or go to PTA meetings or give birthday parties (unless you want to!), etc, etc.... haha!
> <div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=108844*


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I'm with you, great advice, haha!! I am going thru the teen thing right now and let me tell you its very hard on me.







Think it thru, your freedom goes out the door, so much more responsiblity then your little furbaby. You and your hubby should be in agreement, not just one of you.  Just think hard it is a major decision!!!!


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## littlebit279 (Jul 29, 2005)

I'm the oldest girl (2nd child) in a large family. My parents separated when I was 10, and I never really had a childhood after that. Even though I love kids, I do not want any of my own. I hate when people tell you that you don't know what you're talking about. Another thing, I'm choosing not to have kids for a reason. Why do my relatives seem to think that the reason is that I want to keep theirs all the time? I mean, if you have kids, at least have the decency to not trash them and yell at them and dump them on anyone who's willing to take them. I'm sorry, but this is a slightly sore subject with me. Which is worse? to choose not to have kids and have a happy normal life if that's what you want? or to do like some people and have them and treat them like dirt? These people are the ones who refuse to take a hormone birth control because they might gain a pound from it and then choose to take a chance and then remind me that birth control is not infallible. I know that there's a Higher Power than me and if he so wishes, I will get pregnant. Until then, I have Kaylee and Krissy, my little sweethearts. Just for the record, I don't think that it is impossible to have a happy life with babies. I have just seen the bad side too often where people have them and then tire of them way too often around here. It actually makes me cry for the poor kids. It's not their fault. They didn't ask to be born.


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## miko's mommy (Feb 8, 2005)

One thing I worry about is once we have kids, can we still make time for exercise? I am an obsessive exerciser -- I need to do something physical at least 1 hr a day (jog, elliptical, bike, etc). Do you find time for that once you had kids? Or do you just stop worrying about weight issues once you have kids?

Either way, today I am thinking we are going to wait till we know that we will be living in the same city (which won't be until March) before I toss the pills







.


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## Mystify79 (Apr 6, 2004)

I'm 26 and my husband is 25 and we have decided not to have children for a variety of reasons I won't get into. Basically children just aren't for us. It was a long, thought out process for us and we certainly didn't take it lightly. We've gotten a lot of negative responses from the few people we've told.. we've since stopped volunteering the information and whenever we are pressed about children we just try to change the subject or I usually try to make a joke of it and remind them that we already have two children, Tuffy & Pixie.. they are just fur babies.







It's been hurtful to be judged so harshly.. I've been called everything from selfish to a horrible human being. But we stand firm in our decision and despite our youth and whatever other reasons people throw at us, we continue to know that not having children is best for us. My advice, do what is in your heart.. don't let anyone influence your decision.. it really has to be about what is the best thing for you and your husband.


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## Quincymom (Oct 17, 2004)

> _Originally posted by okw_@Oct 12 2005, 10:47 PM
> *One thing I worry about is once we have kids, can we still make time for exercise?  I am an obsessive exerciser -- I need to do something physical at least 1 hr a day (jog, elliptical, bike, etc).  Do you find time for that once you had kids?  Or do you just stop worrying about weight issues once you have kids?
> 
> Either way, today I am thinking we are going to wait till we know that we will be living in the same city (which won't be until March) before I toss the pills
> ...


[/QUOTE]
Women never stop worrying about weight issues!!! (just had to reply) And once you think you are safe from "baby fat" middle age sets in...


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## Airmid (Dec 9, 2004)

I'm due to have my fourth baby next week. I never really enjoyed babysitting-I found those kids, and other peoples children just annoying in general. I had no desire to hug and kiss them-ever. But I always wanted at least 2 of my own children.

It took us almost 3 years into marriage to conceive my daughter-we had every test known to man-who knew a simple night out would do it? lol.

My children are the focus of my life. I have one daughter and soon to be 3 sons. (Ages 9,7, and almost 5) They are all different, and they all complete the family in different ways.
Other peoples kids and how you feel about them has nothing to do with how you will feel about your own-it's so different it's like we're talking about different species.

I think the desire to have children and acknowledging your feelings is important-if you want children, there will be no replacement for that need. I used to cry every month-disappointment, heartbreak, and lonliness. My husband is absolutely my best friend and he's always been great company, but lonliness for a child is something completely different.

I heard a saying years ago, and it stands for everything that mothers are:

"Having a child is allowing your heart to walk around outside your body." 

When they are put of my sight, I am empty until they return.


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## triste (Aug 30, 2004)

I have read this post and I DO have an opinion on it...but I'm out of time right now, I gotta run to Wally for a gift. When I get back, I'll post...!


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## Ladysmom (Oct 19, 2004)

I think its wonderful today that couples are free to choose whether or not to have children and if they choose not to, that there is no stigma attached to that decision.

Twenty-five years ago, it was just expected that a married couple would have children and if they didn't, it was just assumed that "something was wrong" and they weren't able to.

I respect people who make the decision not to have children for whatever reason. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent.

I loved being a stay at home mom to my two now-grown kids, but having kids really did affect my ex-husband's and my relationship. I sometimes wonder if we would have "made it" had we not centered everything around the children? We had our daughter a year and 1/2 after we were married and never put our relationship first after that.

Of course, I wouldn't trade those kids for anything, though! And it's so much fun to have grown children, so see what wonderful adults they have become.

And did I mention the best part of having children? Grandchildren! Here is my beautiful little granddaughter Sarah!


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## mmo (Sep 4, 2004)

> _Originally posted by lethalfire_@Oct 10 2005, 05:03 PM
> *Is it different when the child is your own??? YES!  The minute you become
> pregnant and hear the heart beat and feel the little kicks and then the first
> time you see that precious face.  I never knew how STRONG love could be till
> ...


[/QUOTE]


I totally agree. I was always more drawn to dogs than to children although i knew that i would someday wanted kids. I got pregnant with my daughter (now almost 3 years old) and since that day i never felt alone. She brought to my life a bunch of new feelings that i didn`t knew i had in me. 
But it wasn`t easy, i am an only child and had no contact with small children before so the day she was born and about 1 month later i was terrified of not being good enough for her. 
Now we are best friends ever and very comfortable around each other. My highlight of the day is her smile or laughter, i know she is happy and she is a sweet and good little human being. And when they tell you: I love you!!! Oh oh, mothers know exactly what i mean...
But it`s great to have the choice to do it or not, everyone has to follow their hearts and not what other people say.


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## LexiAndNikkisMom (Apr 13, 2004)

> _Originally posted by LadysMom_@Oct 13 2005, 10:07 AM
> *
> 
> 
> ...


[/QUOTE]
OMG!! What a cutie!


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## Ladysmom (Oct 19, 2004)

Isn't she?


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## triste (Aug 30, 2004)

I had this long post written but decided it may cause some mixed feelings. I will say that before you have children, sit down and think about genetics...the history of mental and physical illnesses play a HUGE role in my feelings of being a parent. Once you have children you cannot go back! Please consider it carefully. My best friend (for 29 years now)....her aunt never had children and they deeply regret NOT having them b/c now they are older and are very lonely. Those are but a FEW of the many things you have to think about. I love my kids...and I'll admit that lately they've really gotten on my nerves. I really thought once they got older, the maintenance was going to get much easier..boy was I freaking wrong! I have a near 13 year old(in 2 months) and a 10, 8 and 5 yr old. Can you say HECTIC?! It's fun, challenging, frustrating..all at the same time. It's a TON of work and it takes A LOT of money to have kids. There are so many underlying costs...it has me wondering from time to time what the heck I was thinking!


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## mmo (Sep 4, 2004)

> _Originally posted by LadysMom_@Oct 13 2005, 11:11 AM
> *Isn't she?
> <div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=109222*


[/QUOTE]

She is absolutely gorgeous. My mom is nuts about my daughter, i think she is enjoying her a LOT more than she enjoyed me. Congratulations on your beautiful grandaughter.


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## Deanna (Jan 14, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Triste_@Oct 13 2005, 09:19 AM
> *I My best friend (for 29 years now)....her aunt never had children and they deeply regret NOT having them b/c now they are older and are very lonely. <div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=109227*


[/QUOTE]

Having children is no guarantee that there will be someone to care for you when you are old. Nursing homes are filled with parents whose children and grandchildren never visit.


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## triste (Aug 30, 2004)

> _Originally posted by Deanna+Oct 13 2005, 11:46 AM-->
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Having children is no guarantee that there will be someone to care for you when you are old. Nursing homes are filled with parents whose children and grandchildren never visit.
<div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=109260
[/B][/QUOTE]


I didn't really say to take care of them, I meant that they are lonely for company of their children and possible grandkids..they aren't to nursing home status yet! There is a lady around the corner that is nearly 93 and she STILL lives at home alone! She has awesome neighbors who check on her and do errands for her and has one of those "alert" buttons just in case.


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## saltymalty (Sep 14, 2004)

Marj, little Sarah is adorable! I bet she gets the best bows of the bunch!


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## AJ (Jun 5, 2005)

> _Originally posted by LadysMom_@Oct 13 2005, 11:07 AM
> *I think its wonderful today that couples are free to choose whether or not to have children and if they choose not to, that there is no stigma attached to that decision.
> 
> Twenty-five years ago, it was just expected that a married couple would have children and if they didn't, it was just assumed that "something was wrong" and they weren't able to.
> ...


[/QUOTE]
Shes adorable!


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## Ladysmom (Oct 19, 2004)

> _Originally posted by saltymalty_@Oct 13 2005, 04:47 PM
> *Marj,  little Sarah is adorable!  I bet she gets the best bows of the bunch!
> <div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=109367*


[/QUOTE]


I'm ashamed to say I've only made her one bow so far.......























I just made her a Halloween bow to match her kitty costume, but I promised my daughter I'd be better about making bows for her.

We sort of needed Sarah to get some hair first..........


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