# What do you do when your depressed?



## kodie (Aug 24, 2004)

I have been trying to deal with me and my bf (if he is that anymore







) time apart... I guess he needs to figure things out he tells me.. because we have been fighting too much. This is a 5 yr long relationship... and i'm just not dealing well with this at all... I have talked to his mother to try to see whats going on... she said he doesnt know what to do... anyway.. we have left it as he will call when hes ready. Tomorrow makes it one week that we have not talked.... I havent called him and he has not called me... before this I have been calling him to stay in contact.. ya kno... i was trying to find out if we are over. So all together is been 6 weeks of things being up in the air. Of course this is a complicated thing... relationships are... and so are fights. 

I guess the bottom line is... I notice that i'm not doing things for kodie during this time... I had no energy to even wash him... soo he was late for his bath... and smelled. I never do that... I always wash him when he needs it. I usually go home from work and sit at my computer with kodie on my lap (he sleeps) and do nothing all night. I dont really play with kodie... I rather just lay with him... I know he probably wants attention... but I'm just so depressed. What doesnt make it any easier is that my bf bought kodie for me 2 yrs ago. Kodie is a complete reminder of my bf... which breaks my heart. Usually its the 3 of us together... but now its just me and kodie... alone... 
The funny thing is that my bf and I used to joke around about how he bought kodie so that if we break up I will always be reminded of him... guess hes right about the constant reminder...







Dont get me wrong... I love kodie to death.. and i do pick him up and touch him... I'm just not very fun to be around right now..


----------



## ButterCloudandNoriko (Aug 26, 2004)

Awww, girl. I'm sorry to hear this. I dont know the situation, but I wish he had the decency to at least talk to you. Maybe you should start spending quality time with Kodie to help ease the pain. Even though he's a constant reminder of your bf, but you know Kodie's number 1 priority is to please you. So let him do what he does best. You have a business and Kodie to take care of so keep yourself as busy as possible. 

Take care girl....and lots of wet kisses from Buttercloud and Noriko.


----------



## pico's parent (Apr 5, 2004)

I've been there, Kodie's Mom and when I look back I could KICK myself for spending so much time suffering over a breach in a long term relationship. I KNEW it was over even though he draaaagged the thing out with his ambiguous behavior and words. I could have spent that time so much more productively had I not held out hope that maybe it wasn't over. But that is the clarity of hindsight.

I'm sure Kodie is feeling that something is wrong, too and you must force yourself to be a good mommy because someday the guilt will be worse than the depression you are suffering now.

Also, take advice. Just force yourself to do the things you don't want to do. I know you want to wallow in pain because it is the easiest thing to do but, #1 it DOESN'T make your boyfriend come back, #2 it hurts you and your other relationships which you need more than ever now and #3 Living Well Is The Best Revenge. Which means if he sees you going on happily with your life he will realize HE has a problem and his problem is not you. I know you've invested a lot in this man but if you've been fighting a lot, the compatibility is just not there and you don't want to find that out 10 years down the road in your marriage. 

So, take Kodie for walks. You and he will be better for it. Kodie loves you for who you are, unconditionally. Luxuriate in that get on with your life. If you and your boyfriend are meant to be, then you'll work it out. In the meantime, LIVE!

Thus spake Pamela..............and Pico sends sympathetic kisses in case his Mom hurt your feelings.


----------



## a2z (Aug 23, 2004)

When I get upset or depressed Zoey gets all depressed too. Dogs can sense your moods and feelings. Maybe you can pretend to be happy around your doggie. Find something you like to do together. Get out into the sunshine, go for a walk. Sometimes fresh air and sunshine will cheer you up. 
And stop and think. You still have your baby, you still have your health, etc, etc, etc. Think of all the positives and move on. 
Good luck. Love can sometimes be a b*%&ch!!!


----------



## saltymalty (Sep 14, 2004)

You have suffered a tremendous loss and that pain and hurt will take time to heal. I cannot stress enough that you do not deserve to be treated so coldly. This is your time to focus on yourself. Kodie doesn't care from where he came, he only cares that you are there for him. And if Kodie does remind you of your boyfriend, then let him remind you how much of a dog he really is. Kodie is much more intelligent...afterall, he's the one still around with you to love him! Don't try to figure out your boyfriend, because I can tell you that you never will. You are a beautiful, bright, intelligent, dynamic, funny, charming and caring person. Someone else will value those qualities in you and many more that you never knew existed. Give yourself time to cry, then go out and make your own way...knowing that you really are better off and be proud that you do know what you want from your life!


----------



## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

> _Originally posted by saltymalty_@Sep 26 2005, 12:03 PM
> *You have suffered a tremendous loss and that pain and hurt will take time to heal.  I cannot stress enough that you do not deserve to be treated so coldly.  This is your time to focus on yourself.  Kodie doesn't care from where he came, he only cares that you are there for him.  And if Kodie does remind you of your boyfriend, then let him remind you how much of a dog he really is.  Kodie is much more intelligent...afterall, he's the one still around with you to love him!  Don't try to figure out your boyfriend, because I can tell you that you never will.  You are a beautiful, bright, intelligent, dynamic, funny, charming and caring person.  Someone else will value those qualities in you and many more that you never knew existed.  Give yourself time to cry, then go out and make your own way...knowing that you really are better off and be proud that you do know what you want from your life!
> <div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=103503*


[/QUOTE]







When you look at your precious Kodie, remember the day you received him, and the joy you had.







Life will go on, and one day you will look back and thank God that you have your little Kodie, to hold and love.


----------



## cindysilver (May 15, 2005)

Big hugs






























I have a long-distance relationship (7 years) and so I know what it's like to miss the Sig Other. Jack has actually helped a lot -- gives me someone to coo over and cuddle with and take time taking care of -- so I am less lonely. But I also know about the loneliness without the Boy.

When I got a bad cold last week, I couldn't even really walk Jack very far before I got exhausted. So I took him to a local dogpark (lots of small dogs here, so no danger from big angry pups) and let him loose to frolic with a chihuahua for half an hour. He ran SO FAST and crazy happy. He had the best time, and I jsut sat there with my box of tissues and watched







So it was easy and he loved me so much afterwards because he had finally got to play with somebody. 

Maybe you could find a local doggy-friend for Kodie to keep him busy until things get better?


----------



## fach (Jun 27, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Kodie_@Sep 26 2005, 09:41 AM
> *I have been trying to deal with me and my bf (if he is that anymore
> 
> 
> ...


[/QUOTE]
Aw, I agree with the others in all they said. Very good advise, indeed. I have found through experience that when things happen to us that we don't really want, we fight back and try to keep them the same. In my case it was as if God [or whatever your belief] knows what is best for me, and given time I always found something better on the other side. made me wish I hadn't fought againts the change so much. Maybe there is a wonderful, attentive, honest young man just waiting for you to be ready someday. try the long walks and fresh air. We are all here for you.


----------



## Karen542 (May 4, 2005)

Kodie's Mom I sorry to hear that, my thoughts go out to you. Thats ashame your bf won't talk to you and clear things up. Well, be happy you have Kodie to cheer you up, even though he is a reminder of your bf. Cheer up things will get better.


----------



## Caesar's Mommie (Apr 8, 2004)

I am very sorry for what all you are going through, it would be very hard and sad. I think these lil' guys can sense when something isn't right. I think everyone has had great suggestions. Maybe getting out of the house for a walk with him will help, the sunshine and exercise may help relieve some of ur stress.


----------



## Toby's Mom (May 7, 2004)

I've been there with the boyfriend break up too. Honestly, the best thing is to go out and do things with your girlfriends. My best friend and I would go out and she would do crazy things to cheer me up. Seriously, go do something totally silly. We would do things like spend the entire night talking Pig Latin. So we would go to a restaurant and order in Pig Latin. We were laughing so hard we couldn't even order.

In all seriousness, I hate to see women agonizing over men. I think in a sick, sadistic way, they enjoy it. They feel they have the power over us because we are the "weaker sex." 

Go do something fun with Kodie. Invite some friends over and have a pajama party. Kodie might like the extra attention from strangers. Some malls allow dogs to come in the mornings for the power walking. You could meet some interesting people there. Go take a nice drive in the country--here in this area the leaves are just starting to change.

Don't be depressed over a break up, if he isn't the one, you will waste time moping around when Mr. Right is out there! 

If you need to talk, PM me.


----------



## Laceys mom (Nov 12, 2004)

First let me say I am so sorry, we have all been there and it is horrible. Two...you need to get up and do something...anything. Even a walk around the block is a start. Remember that if things don't work out you will find love. I thought my son's father was the one...boy was I wrong. When I look back I can't even believe I hurt as bad as I did.

So get up and get moving. I know it is hard. Take "babysteps" and before you know it you will be up and moving and doing things.

Hugs and kisses from Lacey and I.


----------



## littlepeanut (Dec 5, 2004)

Kodie, I'm sorry things are rough right now







Believe me, I've been there too. We're all here for you and I really hope things get better. It's really not fair that he is expecting you to wait until he can figure things out leaving you hanging. I was with a guy for 5 years and towards the end we fought A LOT. It was like for every one good day we had, we would have 5 bad days. I still love him and I still think about him, but if we were still together we could be fighting still, the only difference is that it would be a couple of years later. We're actually friends now, and our relationship is better this way. Sometimes, no matter how hard or impossible it seems, the best thing to do is to pick up and move on. Anything can happen. I'm sure Kodie feels that you are upset and his most important goal in life is to make you happy









I know it's all easier said than done, but you can do it!! Look at all you've accomplished in life and look foward towards all the things that are waiting for you


----------



## pico's parent (Apr 5, 2004)

Just checking in this morning, Kodie's Mom, to see how you are doing. Let us know the "little steps" you've taken....maybe that will motivate you to take some more!









The thing is, keep yourself so busy that you aren't around to answer the phone. Use Kodie to get out. And, the pajama party is a GREAT idea! I have a group of female friends who're kinda loosely connected to each other, who get together at least once a year for a pajama party and have such a ball....The hostess provides beds, DVD player, beverages and dinner and the rest of us bring snacks, games and our scintillating personalities and leave the BF's and hubby's and kids far behind for one night. We range in age from 45 to 62 but we are still girls at heart.

You don't "get over" a long term relationship in one day, or one week and sometimes not even one year but I am here to tell you that you deserve better than what you are getting from him after 4 years together.

So, what did you do today? How's Kodie?


----------



## kodie (Aug 24, 2004)

Thanks everyone... i'm hangin in there.. but only barely...







I honestly cant believe this whole thing... maybe i'm living in a fantasy world... but I thought i meant something to him. I still have not heard from him.. i guess i should mention that he has done something like this before.. where he gets frustrated and doesnt talk to me for alittle while... i dunno if that means anything.. probably not. 

I know everyone thinks I should move on... but honestly.. how can someone do that when he hasnt said "i want to end it"... it makes me sit there and have hope. If he wants to end it... WHY doesnt he just say it?? I gave him many chances to tell me the truth of what he wants.... and he never has said he wants to end it. Again.. maybe i'm living in a fantasy world... I just know that he learned from his family that when things are bad to just avoid that person... and thats what it seems hes doing.. (which i hate..)

I'm sure I deserve better... but as you know there is always 2 sides of a story.. and his side would be that I have been acting jealous and causing problems.. which is true.. I became too possessive. I realize that now of course... and i am so deeply sorry for doing that ... which may be the cause of why this is happening. I dont want to be the cause of losing him...









no, i havent tried anyones ideas yet...







my friends are not being helpful at all though... and i'm not the type of person to call and bug them with my problems either... but they do know what is going on... 

I just dont know what to do... -_- thanks for listening everyone... i honestly thought he was the one and we even talked about our future plans together. He has played a big partin my life as well as with my online business... how else do you think I got japanese clothing.. haha.. (my bf(if he still is) is japanese)


----------



## saltymalty (Sep 14, 2004)

Kodie's Mom...what you need to do right now is take control of the situation. You are feeling like you are helpless...we have all been there at one point in our lives. Put the relationship on your terms, not his. He may not have said "it's over" but when he leaves, doesn't call, and has not contacted you that means he wants his distance. You have to decide when he comes back (they always do) if you want to take him back. If he was doing something to make you jealous, is he really going to stop that behavior? Or does he want all the perks of a relationship without any of the obligation? You know, there is a wonderful scene in the movie, "When Harry Met Sally" where Sally finds out her ex boyfriend is getting married. She comes to the conclusion that it she was wrong when she thought her ex didn't want to get married, it was that he didn't want to marry her. I know this may sound a bit cold and heartless right now, but are you in love with him or are you in love with the idea of being married? Complete trust in your partner is key to a lasting relationship...whether that be marriage or long term commitment. He is going to have to earn that trust on your terms.


----------



## k/c mom (Oct 9, 2004)

Kodie, I will just be blunt here because that's just "me". There are a ton of red flags here and especially if he has done this before... what do you think would happen if you were married? He very much reminds me of my former husband. Kodie, there are men out there who will treat you like you should be treated and will adore you and won't string you along and manipulate you like this. Ending a relationship has to be right up there with life's most horrible events but sometimes taking the toughtest route is thing to do ... It is always easiest to leave things as they are.... Moving on and improving your life is hard .... but worth it!!!!


----------



## kodie (Aug 24, 2004)

well... the funny thing is he didnt do anything to make me jealous... i was just jealous other girls... being possessive. I had no reason to feel this way.. i was just immature about the situation and acted like that. Honestly my bf didnt do anything wrong.


----------



## k/c mom (Oct 9, 2004)

> _Originally posted by Kodie_@Sep 28 2005, 10:04 AM
> *well... the funny thing is he didnt do anything to make me jealous... i was just jealous other girls... being possessive.  I had no reason to feel this way.. i was just immature about the situation and acted like that.  Honestly my bf didnt do anything wrong.
> <div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=104297*


[/QUOTE]

But is it possible that he did something subtle to make you feel insecure? I think you are very quick to blame yourself. Are you sure he was making you feel special, so that you would have no reason to be jealous? And when you say "possessive".... what does that mean... what was he doing that made you feel that way?


----------



## saltymalty (Sep 14, 2004)

Both Msloke and K&C's Mom are giving you wonderful advice. TRUST YOUR GUT! I'm going to play mother here...the good Lord gave you a head for knowing right from wrong...what this man is putting you through is just wrong. You are not to blame for your feelings. Something caused you to feel that way. Whether there is substance to it or not is irrelevant. Something deep down inside of you tells you not to trust this man...listen to what your inner self is saying. You didn't cause him to leave. He left of his own free will. Don't play the What If game, because you can never win...you cannot re-live your life. Don't let the fear of being alone out weigh your desire for happiness. Treat this as a loss, mourn, then pick up the pieces and move on.


----------



## pico's parent (Apr 5, 2004)

Kodie's Mom, have any of your other boyfriends or people with whom you have close relationships accused you of being jealous and/or possessive? If not, your BF is out of line somewhere and you are sensing it.

On the other hand, if it has been a pattern in your life then maybe you have something when you say it was your fault and that you had no reason to be that way. IF!

Listen to us.....we've been there. Long term relationship. Such closeness. Did so much together. Had so much fun together. Meant so much to each other. Discussed a future together. But it's in the past for us now and we are in a better present, and we even regret it took so long in many cases for us to take control of our lives by moving on or ending it ourselves or whatever we did to change the course of our lives. I went from size 10 to size 7 in 6 weeks when my long term relationship ended with infidelity. If I'd been smart enough to say ENOUGH with his ambiguous behaviour it would never have gotten to that point.

If you can't figure him out now, what makes you think anything will change with marriage? It only becomes more intense.

What Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives............I wrote a chapter or two.


----------



## k/c mom (Oct 9, 2004)

> _Originally posted by Pico's Parent_@Sep 28 2005, 11:41 AM
> *If you can't figure him out now, what makes you think anything will change with marriage?  It only becomes more intense.
> 
> <div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=104332*


[/QUOTE]

What Pico's Parent says is major: *"If you can't figure him out now, what makes you think anything will change with marriage? It only becomes more intense."* Marriage will not change things..... it'll only be much worse on you because you will be more dependent on him emotionally, finanacially, etc.


----------



## saltymalty (Sep 14, 2004)

I really hate to have Kodie's Mom go through all of this agony. And I know all of this sounds very harsh right now. Kodie's Mom...I want you to know that I've gone through this too...and I am living proof that you can find happiness. I dated a not so great guy who I fell madly in love with. I put up with un-ending crap from this man for almost 7 years. But if I hadn't had that bad experience, I wouldn't be the person that I am today. The jerk even had the nerve to call me on my wedding day to tell me how sorry he was and what a mistake I was about to make. You really must take this to heart and remember that you are not to blame for his inability to see how wonderful you are.


----------



## lethalfire (Sep 7, 2005)

You are getting SOO MUCCHH GOOOOOD advice here. Life is not always
easy and in sooo many cases doing the right thing is too often
the hardest thing to do. My advice would be to let if go for a little while,
forget whether he is ready or not and pick your life back up, go out do things, make new friends if need be. But most important FIND yourself again. Reconnect
with YOU, what YOU want, what makes YOU happy, things YOU enjoy. Alot about
having a relationship is not losing YOURSELF. He still have to be your own person.

Alot of people tend to lose who they really are in relationships because they adapt to their other half and before you know it they don't really know who they are
anymore. Find some hobbies, take some classes, spoil Kodie-- even if he was from
your boyfriend he will always love and respect you, smother you with kisses, and always be happy to see you.

What helps me to think of things is going for walks, or just some Sunday afternoon drives. Walking or driving around and just thinking about things, reconnecting with
yourself. Believe me things only get harder with marriage then you have bills, responsibilities, living with each other and putting up with each others habits (we all have them) day in and day out is not easy, and then if you bring skin babies into the picture not only does that put a damper on it but kids also make it very easy for you to lose your identity.

So go out, walk or drive, make new friends, go to social gathers, (you can enroll Kodie in an obedience class to help make new friends) but most important find YOURSELF, remember who YOU are and regain YOUR IDENTITY. A person's identity
is what makes them who they are without anyone to lean on or fall to. It is completely you. and then after you regain your identity then you can sit back and really decide if this is the guy that works with you, if he helps or hurts your personality, are you more happy or more upset, depressed, or agonizing when you are with him.

Once again let me say the KEY is to figure out who YOU are first without any attachments.


----------



## jellybn1 (Mar 16, 2005)

I think you should try & get all your mental strength up & be there for Coty!! Men come & go... Your puppy LOVES you FOREVER. I have been married a LONG time. Please belive me. All will work out!







From what I have read about your baby, he is tiny like Cha Cha. They are VERY DELICATE!! All your emotions are being felt. 
Be a good mommy and you will soon find your worries becomming allot easier to bear!!!
Cheers, Jellybn1


----------



## Scoobydoo (May 26, 2005)

Kodie's Mom, I am sorry you are going through this, it is always very difficult when the break up is fresh, but remember we have all been there and we have moved on, and from my experience I have become a better person for it. Your best avenue here is to move ahead, get off this emotional rollercoaster your b/f has put you on. Don't look at Kodie as a reminder of him, look at him as the little guy who is still there with you, the one who loves and needs you. Get out with him for walks and play with him and show him that you love him, he needs that from you because I am sure he is feeling your pain too. Why not try to think of the things you always wanted to do but couldn't because your relationship was holding you back. I am a hard nose too when it comes to being hurt by men, if they leave that's it with me they are gone, I do not go back, I move on because to me going back will just end up the same way eventually and the hurt starts again. Look at this as an opportunity to do bigger and better things with your life, go out with your friends, have fun but don't sit home and wait for something that may not happen, life it far too short for that. Another thing too is possessiveness and jealousy only lead to the distruction of any relationship eventually so you need to try to remove those types of elements from your personality so that if you do enter into another ralationship you can just enjoy it for what it is not what you think it is, because those types of feelings will destroy yet another chance at happiness eventually. I went through a horror marriage with just that type of mistrust from my ex husband, totally unfounded I might add, but it became such a cruel mind controlling and physically abusive marriage that I am just lucky to be here to talk about it. No one needs to go through that.
I am sorry for raving on here Kodie's Mom but you have your whole life ahead of you and you are in control so get out there and make the most of it, don't look back, and make Kodie's sweet little life so full of the love he needs from you and you will be greatly rewarded.


----------



## Toby's Mom (May 7, 2004)

I just have some random thoughts, so take them for what they are worth.







I am a very unemotional person, so I have trouble with the whole agonizing over a boyfriend, etc. but here is my take...Forgive me if it is blunt. 

One of my all time favorite quotes was said by Eleanor Roosevelt, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." I truly believe that, therefore, I let no one run my life--ask my husband.







Don't let anyone make you feel worthless, if they do they aren't worth your time! 

Secondly, I hate seeing women feel that they need a man to be "complete." I hope that isn't the case with you Kodie. Please try to sort through your feelings and like someone else said, are you staying with him because you like the security and all the "ideas" that come with a boyfriend, or is it because you really love him. That is a tough emotion to come to terms with.

One last thing, it kind of sounds like you are with him out of obligation. If that is the case, you really have no obligation to him, no matter what you may think.

You need to do what is best for you right now and stop worrying about him (I know, easier said than done







)! Good Luck!


----------



## miko's mommy (Feb 8, 2005)

Kodie's mom,

I am sorry to hear about your problems with your bf and everyone has already given you extremely great advice. I just wanted to add that there may be someone out there who will make you happier. My husband and I have been together since we were 18 yrs old (we are 27 now) and have made it through 3 grueling years of long distance relationship (living on opposite coasts of the country) out of our 9 year relationship. At times I didn't think we could make it but we always talked. You are young and have so much going for you -- you should have faith and confidence in yourself.

On the other hand, I have been extremely upset about my residency applications. It seems like I have been waiting forever to hear back from the programs and only have 2 interviews (out of 16) so far. My husband has been supportive and is willing to do anything for our relationship and whatever makes me happy. 

Miko, the little love bug, has actually been so loving (which is not always like him). I am just ahppy to have him in my life. Things will get better -- you will see!!


----------



## Elegant (Jul 17, 2004)

Okay, here is my opinion, and I believe in tough love (hint hint). Uh-oh, here it comes...  

If your bf has done this before, why are you allowing him to continue the cycle? This will never end, which means every once in a while, when he feels "confused" and needs to "think," he has the freedom to leave and do as he pleases, and you get to feel like crap everytime while he has his freedom and is happy leaving you to feel that way...EVERY SINGLE TIME. Do you like feeling bad?

My bf told me once that I like worrying about things, and I like feeling bad, and at times I would have to agree with him. I think I like feeling bad so I can get to a low and hit rock bottom so I can kick myself in the butt and slap myself around a bit and wake up and deal with reality.

Are you his slave? When he says come, do you go to him? When he says jump, do you say how high? How much more control do you want to give him?

You did fine without him all of the years from the time you were born until you met him. You are a capable, kind, and commpassionate person, woman, friend, sibling (if you have brothers or sisters), mommy, and girlfriend.

No one is perfect, so, DO NOT RATIONALIZE HIS BEHAVIOR BY BLAMING YOURSELF!!!

As soon as you start to get over him, guess what little **** will want to come back? Him. 

And, are you so sure that he isn't sleeping around, sowing his wild oats while he has his thinking time? Which head is he thinking with? I would be very careful and cautious. You said that you feel jealous, and you know what, I would definitely go with your instincts. Maybe he was cheating on you. TO me, flirting with another woman in front of me or whatever is considered cheating in my book. He may think to himself...cool...I am single right now because Kodie's Mom agreed to let me have some time off, so I guess I'll







and then when I get tired and want to have my cake and eat it too, he'll come running back to you again and you will receive him with open arms again, and the whole cycle will continue,

Would you do that to someone you loved or cared about? I wouldn't think so. So why is it so easy for him to do?

I hope this helped a little.









Buck up!!!!! Stop feeling sorry for yourself.









Oh, about Kodie, the best thing I love about dogs is their unconditional love, so it doesn't matter what you did yesterday or the day before, he will love you no matter what but start with today!!!

~Elegant


----------



## miko's mommy (Feb 8, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Kodie_@Sep 28 2005, 07:04 AM
> *well... the funny thing is he didnt do anything to make me jealous... i was just jealous other girls... being possessive.  I had no reason to feel this way.. i was just immature about the situation and acted like that.  Honestly my bf didnt do anything wrong.
> <div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=104297*


[/QUOTE]

I went back and read over the thread again and saw this -- You are blaming yourself and you really shouldn't be. I feel like I have been jealous and possessive for completely no reason on some occasions. My husband didn't even have girlfriends prior to me and really has given me no reason for my immature behavior. However, he never stops talking to me or being out of contact. He just puts up with all of my crazy behavior, my neurotic and compulsive self and my obsessions. He isn't perfect either and marriage didn't solve our problems. It was just a ceremony







!!!


----------



## Scoobydoo (May 26, 2005)

> On the other hand, I have been extremely upset about my residency applications. It seems like I have been waiting forever to hear back from the programs and only have 2 interviews (out of 16) so far. My husband has been supportive and is willing to do anything for our relationship and whatever makes me happy.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


----------



## lethalfire (Sep 7, 2005)

Kodie's Mom Just wondering how things are going for you. I know that a lot of
this advice (it is all very good) is not exactly what you want to hear, and as
you are reading it you are probably saying yeah right if it was only that easy, or they don't know ALL the details, and yes you are probably saying but they don't know what I am like......

Ok now all those excuses you just read.... take a rolled up newspaper bop yourself on the head a couple of times and repeat after me: "Get Out! Get Out Get Out!!!!)

Ok now that you have a clear head lets view this rationally......

What characteristics does he have that makes you feel that you absolutely CAN'T live with out him? What habits does he have that annoys you??? (Not talking to you should be a BIG one)
And the parts that you do like... what makes you so sure you can't find them in someone who will treat you better. you say you get jealous and possesive, even if
he isn't doing anything he is GIVING YOU A REASON to feel this way. Wether he isn't paying enough attention or isn't sincere enough. Just because he has bought you gifts in the past (Maltese aren't exaclty cheap) doesn't mean he owns you. You are your own person and it is time you take your life back into control, so stop
riding and hop in the Driver's seat and start CONTROLLING where life takes you. And remember life will only take you were you are willing to go. And then of course once you pick yourself up and start enjoying life again guess who is gonna come running back? That's right they always do.. for some reason they don't think we can have a life without them BUT WE CAN. And then since you are already in the DRIVER'S SEAT this is when you decide wether you are better with him or without him, but as I said before you can't figure that out till you refigure out who YOU are.

If you find yourself doing a lot of changing to make him happy... guess what...it's time to move on. There is someone out there that will love you for who you are not who they want you to be. If you are a jealous and possesive personality then maybe you need someone who likes that, who wants to be with you all the time and talks to you about EVERYTHING. Which brings up another point...why did he let it get to this point (needing time to think) without talking things over? In marriage there is no "time to think" it's "we need to talk and work this out" and if he can't do that in a relationship than he surely isn't ready for marriage, and another point that was brought up maybe his whole "Time tooThink" is just an exuse to see if he is ready to settle down with one girl or if he can find someone he likes better.

Please don't let him control you this way (that's exactly what he is doing) and take control of your life. NOTHING in this world can take away our joy unless you LET it.

There's a book my mom gave me to read that I really like called "If Satan can't steal your joy, He can't steal your Goods" the same principal can apply here.

Ok I will step off my soap box now and give you some time to absorb this... sorry I was so long winded I just hate seing people basically tormenting themselves when they need to be in the Driver's seat.


----------



## miko's mommy (Feb 8, 2005)

> > On the other hand, I have been extremely upset about my residency applications. It seems like I have been waiting forever to hear back from the programs and only have 2 interviews (out of 16) so far. My husband has been supportive and is willing to do anything for our relationship and whatever makes me happy.
> >
> >
> >
> > ...


----------



## sassy's mommy (Aug 29, 2005)

I hate to say it, but it is time to move on. Did you see the Oprah show about, "He is just not that into you?" Well I'm sorry to say that something (probably someone else) has come along and now your bf is just not that into you anymore. I know that it is hard and I know it hurts, but you are setting yourself up for a lot of heartache if you hang out waiting on this guy to "decide" what he wants to do. What about what "you" want to do? Today is the time to think about yourself. And if he calls well if you aren't busy then you could see him, but for pete's sake do NOT break any plans that you may have. He would not do that for you at this point. I know this may sound hard, but just call me "been there, got the T-shirt...ain't going back." And today I am glad I moved on. I found a wonderful man who deserves me, he treats me like a Princess, and truthfully today I can not understand why I was so upset about the loser boy. After five years if he is not sure he will never be sure. He would have asked you and expected you to marry him by now if he truly loved you. 

Your furbaby can and will be your very best friend and companion throught all of this is you will just let him. Don't miss out on this opportunity with Kodie. He can tell something is wrong, let this little baby inside.


----------



## Deanna (Jan 14, 2005)

I am sorry you are having such a hard time. I am glad you have Kodie- because no matter what he will always be there and he will always love you. Animals totally sense our moods- and he knows that right now you just needs lots of cuddles. 

As far as your bf goes- why does he get to decide if he wants to come back? Why does he get all the control? Examine how you feel- how do you feel about this break? Is it him you miss, or do you miss being in a relationship, is it the uncertainty of it that is making you so sad? I don't do well with not knowing. I rather now right this friggin minute than tomorrow. If someone doesn't want to be with me- then screw 'em, some one else will want to be with me. And I totally believe that a relationship should be easy. Sure, things get hard- people disagree and such. But my marriage is hands down the easiest relationship I have ever had. I never had to think twice about being with my husband, and he never had second thoughts. Each day is better than the day before. Why be in a relationship where this is constant fighting, games, and/or drama? Is what you get out of it worth all that? 

Good luck- and I hope that no matter what happens you can get back to being you.


----------



## Elegant (Jul 17, 2004)

I also hope all is well. I can't imagine what you are going through, only that we all care about you and want you to be happy with yourself and with the decisions you make.

I also heard, and please anyone correct me if I am wrong, it takes 3-6 months for every year you were with them to get over that person.

You know you get tired of hearing it, but... life will be much better when you finally sever the relationship, if that's what you want to do, and never have to worry about him not wanting to be with you. Who wants to be with someone that doesn't want to be with them? Especially since this is a viscious cycle and it happens every now and then. 

Respect yourself. Nobody likes feeling rejected, especially by someone who supposedly loves them, it hurts 100x more!

Please let us know how you are doing because we are all concerned and want what is best for you...









~Elegant


----------



## kodie (Aug 24, 2004)

Thanks everyone for your concerns... I just dont know what to say.


Deanna said exactly how i feel.... I am upset because of the uncertainty... and because i miss HIM (not just a relationship).


----------



## Karen542 (May 4, 2005)

Sorry, it must be so hard for you not having him around. Be greatful you have that little cutiepie, Kodie just love him!!


----------

