# Can you give me some insight?



## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

I am going crazy. I just don't know what to do. We moved to Sonoma county from southern California in 1998 and I have never been happy. There is much that I love. It feels safe, it is low crime. Traffic is light and easy. But I hate...hate...hate the climate. There are about four days a year when it is warm. There is always this cold wind..every single day...cold wind. For three months during the summer it is overcast all morning, sometimes well into the afternoon.I hate hate hate this climate. So, now I am thinking that maybe we should move back to southern California where we could buy my aunt's house from the family trust. I just have a really hard time dealing with the aggressive traffic. Traffic or weather? I am beside myself and feeling overwhelmed. So, I welcome any and all suggestions.Sigh. Anybody have any words of wisdom to share?


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## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

Sylvia -- there really isn't any "Perfect" place to live. I'm a gypsy at heart and have moved more times than I can remember (to different cities, areas of the country and overseas). Of course with each new move I was excited and "expected" the grass to be greener -- and for a while, it probably was, but once the newness wore off, I had to look at the problems of each area.

For example, I love New Mexico because it has 4 seasons but the winters are fairly mild and the summers aren't too hot most of the time. It's dry, so there aren't problems with bugs which allows me to spend time outside in comfort. The cost of living isn't high and you can have a lot of house for the money, for example. But, I miss the shopping in the bigger cities like Phoenix or Southern California or Southern Florida. And I miss living by the ocean. I could go on, but you get the idea.

Only you can determine which items on your list of pros and cons are truly important to you.

The one place I lived for about 5 years that I knew I couldn't stay in was Iowa. The people were lovely and my job was perfect -- but -- I HATED the weather (all year round); hated the bugs; hated how old the houses where (first time I had ever seen a fuss box instead of breakers); hated that there wasn't any shopping; hated that I couldn't drive much in the winter due to the storms; and, for me, the fact that it was very family oriented wasn't for me because I didn't have children or an extended family. I could go on and on, but, I knew that the "hates" far outweighed the "loves".

On the other hand, I loved living in Boca Raton. I love just about everything except the humidity and bugs -- but I learned to live with those things because everything else was perfect for me. In the near future, I may well move back there.

When I was recently talking about moving to my BFF, she asked me some questions like:

1. What do you enjoy doing? Playing with my fluffs, shopping on-line, visiting on-line with Maltese friends, etc., etc. and she pointed out that I could do those activites anywhere in the world.

So make a list, check it twice, pray on it, and the right decision will be made.

(But if you're truly miserable -- which I was in Iowa -- then take the steps to move back to Southern California.)

Hugs.


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## maltese#1fan (Feb 20, 2012)

Which do you think would improve the quality of your life? When my husband and I decided to move from NYC to PA that was our deciding factor. I was commuting every day from NY to NJ. The drive could take anywhere from 45 minutes to 3 hours (one way). :smpullhair: So should we stay in NY where I would make more money or move to PA and get my sanity back. We took a leap of faith and moved to PA and haven't regretted it for a minute. :happy: What is your gut telling you to do? That usually will steer you in the right direction. But if you really can't decide, you can always flip a coin.:HistericalSmiley:


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

I just feel like I want to go home....but I don't know for sure where 'home" is any more. When we were back in LA for four days, it didn't really feel like home any more. So much had changed. But sitting in my friend's comfortable, over grown back yard, with bougainvillea made me feel like I had found my home again. I just feel so lost....like when I was nineteen, but I am not young any more.They say "home is where the heart is..." so I guess home is where my dogs are, but hey, my dogs are with me where ever I go. Sigh, I am sixty stinky five years old,, and just as lost as I was at nineteen...but not nearly as energetic.


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

Oh, I just thought of something. I can't really get involved in rescue from here...we just have a wonderful no kill shelter...but very few needy dogs. In southern California I could really get seriously involved. One more plus. It is nice to live in an area where dogs are well taken care of, but in So Cal I could devote myself to helping needy dogs.


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## zooeysmom (Aug 1, 2011)

OMG, I can totally relate, Sylvia. I don't exactly know if my home is Nor Cal or So Cal...or somewhere else! Shoot, I'm really of no help, but I do understand your feelings  But I have to say, I prefer traffic and good weather over no traffic and depressing weather (I grew up in Carmel, CA, and it has the most miserable weather).


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## zooeysmom (Aug 1, 2011)

Sylie said:


> In southern California I could really get seriously involved. One more plus. It is nice to live in an area where dogs are well taken care of, but in So Cal I could devote myself to helping needy dogs.


This is very true!


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

zooeysmom said:


> OMG, I can totally relate, Sylvia. I don't exactly know if my home is Nor Cal or So Cal...or somewhere else! Shoot, I'm really of no help, but I do understand your feelings  But I have to say, I prefer traffic and good weather over no traffic and depressing weather (I grew up in Carmel, CA, and it has the most miserable weather).


Oh if you are spending two days in Carmel it is heaven on earth, but I can see how every single day of ocean over cast would not be so nice. There is no where close to the coast in California where I would like to live. The Pacific ocean is just plain brutal. I know people who hate warm weather, who just love this weather...not me. I love love love the Santa Ana winds. Oh, to have those very warm winds embrace me...it was like a hug from God...the Santa Annas.


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## wolfieinthehouse (Dec 14, 2007)

I have lived in So Cal, Nor Cal and Carmel!

So Cal is hotter but more smog and traffic. Nor Cal is the mediterranean weather belt and depending on the actual area you live in windy or not. Carmel is pretty but often foggy and pretty boring to live in (nice place to visit).

I think if you just move to an area away from the wind.....more inland.....you will be happy. And, there are plenty of rescues in the area. I am not sure why you don't think so?


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## zooeysmom (Aug 1, 2011)

wolfieinthehouse said:


> I have lived in So Cal, Nor Cal and Carmel!
> 
> Carmel is pretty but often foggy and pretty boring to live in (nice place to visit).


OMG, we probably know each other LOL Carmel is the smallest town. I lived there from the time I was 4 until 17. I was thrilled to get out and have never been back! I've been watching a the Dina Eastwood reality show (we met her before she met Clint!) and I really don't recognize much except the beach.


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

Sylie, I say "follow your heart." 
My daughter lives on the Central Coast & I love to visit her for a month or so, but I don't like CA. generally & would not want to "live" there. There is little traffic where she is compared to her time in the LA area! There is variety in the seasons which I like.
I love the ocean, but I hate FL. to me it is too pink & too plastic! I love the East Coast but it can be brutal weather wise. I like the genuineness of the people there. 
I am not a "southern girl" as it often seems superficial to me and way too sweet. I like nice people but I also like honesty & forthrightness. 
Part of the reason we have not returned to the US after almost 40 yrs. overseas is that we can't find the perfect place. If we wait much longer we will be there---it is call heaven! I believe that is my perfect home & there I will find rest.:wub:


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

Oh, and if money were no object I think I would spend my last few years at Hilton Head, right on Calibouge sound, and I would host the HH meet-up every single year!
I love the thrift shops, the beach, and the fact that dogs can go there. The people who come to visit are friendly and open and cosmopolitan and it is still very private! The weather has it's ups and downs but mostly it is lovely. The food is all my favorites and there are screened porches against the bugs. The alligators leave me alone & my DH can play golf all he wants!


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## LJSquishy (Feb 27, 2008)

I would choose weather over traffic every single time. Wind and cold are the two things that really bother me...put them together, and I'm GONE.


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## socalyte (Nov 15, 2010)

Sylvia, I too have lived in Northern California (Bay Area) and now Southern. I live just one hour north of LA, so we have great weather, and plenty of wonderful activities and cultural events, etc. Plus, it's such a reasonable distance to get to LA for such things as the theaters, sporting events and concerts, restaurants, museums, etc. And yet, our city has more of a very small town feel and very little crime. The area here is predominantly agricultural, but we have one of the best outlet malls around, and are only 15 minutes to the beach. My point is, you really can have the best of both worlds if you choose your location in southern California with your wants and needs in mind. I don't miss northern California at all, even though we still have a lot of family there. So come on down, LOL. There are several of us SM members within shouting distance too!


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## Katkoota (Feb 18, 2006)

I have no insight with the places you mentioned, but I agree with Lynn  


Lacie's Mom said:


> Only you can determine which items on your list of pros and cons are truly important to you.


All the best pal


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## Maidto2Maltese (Oct 19, 2004)

I have lived in this area of NY all my life..... have traveled quite a bit but mostly along the East coast .... plus Kentucky and Nevada. Have always loved the vacation spots while there...but always come home with the feeling of 'That was lovely...but wouldn't want to live there". 

I do love the changing seasons... and though I 'complain' about the winters... it can be quite beautiful. I've had my business in my home for years and bad weather was always more demanding as we live on a hill so getting the looooooong drive and walkways cleared were often stressful. Now...not so much as I've gone to only a couple days a week...and when I fully retire.. will be even less so. We can look at the snow come down and 'enjoy'. 
I love the 'rural-ness' but fairly easy access to NYC ( a bit over an hour by train). 

My husband is one who from time to time talks of making a move more South. Especially as we get older and he reflects on the great vacations we had. I remind him that vacations are one thing....living day in day out is quite another. 

I'm 66 he's almost 71...I know the time will come when we'll need to 'downsize' to somewhere where overall care and managing of home is less demanding. My feeling toward any move is to look ahead to aging further. We have no children so that is not an influencing factor... but having the support of friends and distant relatives is extremely important to me. Also having easy access to the simple things such as shopping, church, Drs and very importantly...social access. etc. is important and neither of us are up to the challenges of heavy traffic now and will be more so as we get older. 
The 'odds' are, his health issues which are progressive, will be of greater concern before mine.( though who knows what 'tomorrow' would bring...but just looking at the odds) I feel we need to stay right in this area where there is more/better access to 'help' if needed. People here 'network' for each other. For instance..If I say to a neighbor 'do you know anyone who does ....... ( fill in the blank)'... they will say yes... OR..no, but I'll ask so and so... and if 'so and so' doesn't know...they'll ask someone else. 
It's things like this that are valuable 'assets' of where one lives as they age. I know many areas would be 'fine' at the moment... but could well be very 'lonely' down the line. 
Soooo I guess my looooong response is to suggest you consider any move to consider not only desires/needs of 'now' but to your needs/desires as you get older. To look at any area as to how it would fulfill those needs/desires in say 10 -15 years from now . Not looking at just the 'roof over your head' but the overall environment for the future.


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## TLR (Nov 13, 2011)

Sylvia, you have been given lots of good advise by some very insightful SM members. Make your list in priority order and then follow your heart.


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## Furbabies mom (Jul 25, 2011)

Sylvia, there's a beautiful home in my neighborhood for sale!!!! O- H- I- O!!!!' I agree with Terry, vacations are nice, but there's no place like home!!! I truly hope you find that place.


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## Maidto2Maltese (Oct 19, 2004)

Naddie> Hey Quince... I tink mama was giving the 'hard-sell' to Ms Sylvia and Mimi and Ray and RuRu to move to here....does you tink it will woirk? 

Quincy> geesh I hopes so... I knows I woulds lub it!!! and if dey could hear the beautious boirdys singing away dis morning I know dey would beees tho happy!! 
...And mama forgot to say we hab lots of cultrous things here like FRDs home and da Banderbuilt mansion... plays... concerts... formal and informal dining....eben a couple of Fwench westrants for her Thnails she wikes .Ob thorse we don'ts know how dood they are tause mama don't eats dem . Oh and cwruises on da beautious Hudson Riber.... oh wots and wots of tings here Ms Slyvia!!! I go look now for a house for youse!!! Start packin'!!! 

Naddie> I goes helps you!! .... hmmm maybe we should check to see if she wants one floor or two... condoes or single family.... old or new... how many bedrooms?? dosh tho much to tink about ....I tired awready! 

Quincy> Oh Naddie ... suck it up!... we dots to gib Ms Silvia the hard-sell tho our woves, Mimi and Way, and Wu-Wu tan lib close to us!! Dis long distance womance getting hard!!


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## aprilb (Jul 9, 2010)

I agree with Lynn and Sandi..great advice!:wub:


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## sassy's mommy (Aug 29, 2005)

The NC mountains are lush and beautiful, and also offer 4 distinct seasons. :wub:


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## cyndrae (Aug 30, 2009)

Sylie if you have a chance to get your Aunts house that would give you some family history and helping the AMA rescues sounds like a great purpose.

Of course I would miss you up here in Nor Cal.


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

You guys are just amazing. You have made very good points that have given me a better perspective. Life seems to be clearly divided into segments when loss and gain change things dramatically. I realize that I am facing what is very possibly the last segment...maybe the next to the last. I also realize that I am in quite an emotional state and should not be making any big decisions right now. And the good news is that I don't have to! There is no hurry.

Thank you all for your help. Each one of you brought up a point to consider...especially Quincey:HistericalSmiley:


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## spookiesmom (Mar 28, 2010)

Every body has given good advise. Let me add my 2cents. Make sure it is something both of you want to do. 29 years ago we moved to Florida from Ohio. I thought we both would like it here. I do, and there isn't enough $$$$ in the world to make me move back. DH hates it. Yes, we have 2 seasons. Hot and hotter. Yes, we have hurricanes. And the traffice is lousy. Better for my health here. He misses the 4 seasons. His family. Who haven't been here for a visit in 10 years. He can't say anything nice about here, everything is better there. It makes for a miserable life for both of us. So just really, really, make sure you want to move there.


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## lynda (Oct 11, 2005)

Sylvia, I would go for weather versus traffic. I wish I could afford to go to a climate where it is just beautiful all year. I don't like the cold. If I had the opportunity to move to a nicer climate I would jump on it. Oh, I am also sixty stinken something:HistericalSmiley:


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## SammieMom (Nov 13, 2010)

I would take the good weather and deal with the traffic. Weather affects my mood, and so many aspects of our life. Good luck with your decision. :thumbsup:


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## SammieMom (Nov 13, 2010)

spookiesmom said:


> Every body has given good advise. Let me add my 2cents. Make sure it is something both of you want to do. 29 years ago we moved to Florida from Ohio. I thought we both would like it here. I do, and there isn't enough $$$$ in the world to make me move back. DH hates it. Yes, we have 2 seasons. Hot and hotter. Yes, we have hurricanes. And the traffice is lousy. Better for my health here. He misses the 4 seasons. His family. Who haven't been here for a visit in 10 years. He can't say anything nice about here, everything is better there. It makes for a miserable life for both of us. So just really, really, make sure you want to move there.



:goodpost: this happened to one of my relatives. Great point!!!!!!!!!!


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## Furbabies mom (Jul 25, 2011)

lynda said:


> Sylvia, I would go for weather versus traffic. I wish I could afford to go to a climate where it is just beautiful all year. I don't like the cold. If I had the opportunity to move to a nicer climate I would jump on it. Oh, I am also sixty stinken something:HistericalSmiley:


I would love to live in New England. So much history!!!!


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## Maidto2Maltese (Oct 19, 2004)

Quincy> Psssst , Naddie.... I think we got her thinkin' ! Now we gots to chat with Mimi, Way and RuRu and get them in on the game plan! 

Naddie> Oks Quincy! I will pm RuRu, Mimi and Way and tells one of dem to distwract der mama and we do chat .. I gots da fweeling we gots to come up wif a bery cweaver pwan ....hmmm lets me tink...maybess we bwibe der vet to tell Ms Slyvia all da doggies must move to NY for health weasons!! I bet Dat would do it!!! 

Quincy>> yeah!! dood pwan!! how much moneis do you hab for da vet? 

Naddie>> hmmm wets see I gots quite a bit... ... Maybe $2.56 .. I was sabing for a pwetty dwess but I give for dis... hows about you? 

Quincy>>> I hab about $3.25 ... I was sabing for my own wecliner but dis much better cause! 

Naddie .. Oh and we hab thum of dose EUROS from our twip we neber changed back to dollars...I bets dats anover whole fibe dollars!! woo-hoo we give dat vet an offer he tan't refuse!!! :thumbsup:

Quincy> yup!! we'll get dem here before ya know it!


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## plenty pets 20 (Jul 8, 2006)

Sylvia, You have your home listed as Healdsburg and that is a very HOT area , everytime I travel through. I do live right on the on the coast and know what a change it was for me coming from L.A., . Now I can not take the heat and would never move to even Healdsburg ,that is too hot. LOL 
Moving when you are older is a LOT more stressful, as change is harder, so be sure you want to do this. Can you go just stay in your Aunts home for a week and see how you like the area?? 
Will your husband be more agreeing to fostering if you move??
They say moving is one of the top stressers in life. Good luck with your decision.


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

I am still laughing at Nadie and Quincy.

Edie, I had to move from Healdsburg, our landlord gave us 30 days notice (Grrrrr I hate the bum). We ended up in Windsor and I hate it here. The last 2 summers where not warm very often. I used to think that it was hot in Healdsburg, but we lived on a hill and always had a breeze. I would freeze to death closer to the ocean.

Now, I have really thought about it and realized I was just being melancholy about southern CA. While we were there we stayed with friends who have my all time favorite house. The backyard is private and like a lush tropical forest. My aunt and uncle's house is all low maintenance, drought tolerant plants, lawn and concrete. 

The real truth is that I want to buy an old house with character and an lush yard with big trees, but those are rare around here and out of our price range. Los Angeles is the only other place where Alan would have contacts. We cannot start all over again.

Okay, enough of my whining. I have a perfect husband who can read my mind, and I his. I have a Maltese, a bichon and a coton. I have a pink bird, a yellow bird and 2 silly gray birds. I guess I should be able to handle living in a place where everything was built 25 years ago. Oh and my car, I love my car and it is more than 25 years old!


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## MalteseJane (Nov 21, 2004)

At your age you are to make sure that it is what you really like to do. It will probably be the last time you move.
We have lived in many countries and I can say we would never have retired there. 
We could have retired in France. We even had a house there. But we choose Arizona. Why ? because of the weather and because our daughter is living here too. We lived in Houston for 30 years. I loved Houston, but hated the weather. Too humid and too many thunderstorms, hurricanes, tropical storms. Too many mosquitoes. Having lived in the Middle East we were used to the heat and we don't mind the heat, but the humidity was something else. You cannot get used to it, on the contrary, at least for us, we got tired of it more and more. We don't mind the heat, but the humidity was killing us. But I still miss the shopping in Houston. Phoenix cannot compete with Houston when it comes to shopping. Thank goodness for internet where I can get a lot of stuff online.
We went to Napa last year and were surprised by the cold weather in July. So that's not the area we would like to stay. And this was the second time we went to San Diego and I can say a second time that I don't want to live there. 
I would say, go live at your aunt's house for a while and see how you like it before making your final decision.


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## Deborah (Jan 8, 2006)

My in-laws lived in San Lorenzo. I would not go visit them until Aug. when they get warm weather. All those gray days depress me. Pleasanton has nice weather for the most part. My son just moved to Palmdale and it is very nice and you can buy houses there. traffic is also OK. I would move because of the weather I would be cold all the time and that makes me cranky and miserable. 
It seems as if you have given Sonoma a really good try. I personally would move.
Best wishes to you and hope you can make an informed opinion that you and your husband can make a decision..


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## LuvMyBoys (Jan 2, 2012)

Maidto2Maltese said:


> Quincy> Psssst , Naddie.... I think we got her thinkin' ! Now we gots to chat with Mimi, Way and RuRu and get them in on the game plan!
> 
> Naddie> Oks Quincy! I will pm RuRu, Mimi and Way and tells one of dem to distwract der mama and we do chat .. I gots da fweeling we gots to come up wif a bery cweaver pwan ....hmmm lets me tink...maybess we bwibe der vet to tell Ms Slyvia all da doggies must move to NY for health weasons!! I bet Dat would do it!!!
> 
> ...


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

So, I've been checking out houses in Healdsburg on Trulia. Hello, average listing is 1.5 million. Median price is $495,000. However there are about 20 listings for over a million, about 15 listings for around $700,000. 00 and 6 listings for under 500,000. In the meantime my SIL has had her house in an ideal Healdsburg location, with 1 1/2 acres on the market for 6 months and hasn't even had a nibble. She reduced the price thee times, but not a nibble. When the housing market inflated it got to the point where nobody could afford anything close to their standard of living. I looked at houses I would not spend the night if IF THEY PAID ME, but they were still out of our range. How did this happen? What went so wrong? I wonder why there are so many 3 million dollar houses on the market. Frankly, I look at those places and feel sick to my stomach, no way would I want to live in a huge house like those. I just want a nice little craftsman house with a yard with old growth. So, if I wait long enough I could find a nice little two bedroom, two bath with old hardwood floors and a nice yard for oh, maybe 1.2 million. This is just plain nuts.

In the meantime, they are telling me that my aunt's house can go for 3 or under. In Burbank, where people make much more money. Go figure.

The American dream of home ownership is becoming more of a nightmare than a dream.


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## Maidto2Maltese (Oct 19, 2004)

Sylvia... I think the housing boom went across the country.... Our simple little house went ( for a time) 'way-up-there' as far as the market value was concerned....now it homes in this area went the other way....losing value!! 
In our case because we bought when pricing was 'normal' .... and mortgage paid off, doesn't affect us much... but many many bought 'high' and had to sell 'low' or lost their homes altogether because of job losses. 

Though we are overall cost-of living much lower than CA in our area ...it's become very difficult for young families who would like to bring their children up here where they were brought up. I will say this Spring things seem to be making a turn around... I believe recent report says sales are up.... likely due to lowered interest rates... and finally homes being priced in a more 'realistic' price range.


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