# Buyer's Remorse?



## kiva (Feb 28, 2012)

Hello -

I am at a loss and need some feedback. On Feb. 2, my beautiful Maltese passed away after 15 years together. The grief was horrible.
My husband was saddened too and we thought about purchasing another Maltese about one week later.
We have had our new puppy home for about 2 weeks now and I am having huge buyer's remorse. I am concerned about the inconveniences of having a pet and being "locked into that" for another 15 years - and all of the responsibilities of pet parenting.
I feel simply horrible - although the breeder will take her back.
I do not know whether to keep the puppy and ride it all out - or allow for a new home for this precious pup.
I am wondering if we bought too soon and need some advice.
thanks so much in advance. kiva


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## Ladysmom (Oct 19, 2004)

I feel so badly for you. I lost my beloved Lady at 15.5 years old last May. My heart was broken and I knew I was not ready to open my heart to another one even though many dear friends suggested it.

There is no timetable for grieving. I know people who needed to get another one soon to fill that void. I had a whole grieving process I had to go through. It was several months before I felt I was ready for another one and that was only because I decided to get a boy this time. I don't think I could have gotten another girl that soon.

Perhaps you are just overwhelmed by everything that comes with a new puppy? It is a huge adjustment after having a senior. Puppies are cute and lovable, but they are a lot of work and definitely disrupt your life.

Since it's been two weeks and you can only think of the inconvenience of having a puppy and "riding it out" (for 15 years?), the best thing for the puppy might be to return her so her breeder can find her the perfect home before she is too bonded to you. The younger she is, the easier it will be for her to adjust.

Only you know what is in your heart, though.


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## LJSquishy (Feb 27, 2008)

I'm sorry to hear about your Maltese passing, it is such heartbreak.

I would personally allow a week or two with the new puppy to start a schedule and see how you bond with the new little one. Try to embrace the personality of the new puppy and not compare to your previous Maltese. If after a week or two, you still haven't clicked, I would return the puppy back to the breeder. There is nothing wrong with that at all and it isn't fair to you or the puppy if your heart isn't in it 100%. It has happened before to a couple of SM members here and I commend them for having the smarts to notice it wasn't the right time or the right fit. Please let us,know if you are struggling with a schedule or potty training, etc and we can help you. Hugs to you, and welcome to SM!


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

Ladysmom said:


> I feel so badly for you. I lost my beloved Lady at 15.5 years old last May. My heart was broken and I knew I was not ready to open my heart to another one even though many dear friends suggested it.
> 
> There is no timetable for grieving. I know people who needed to get another one soon to fill that void. I had a whole grieving process I had to go through. It was several months before I felt I was ready for another one and that was only because I decided to get a boy this time. I don't think I could have gotten another girl that soon.
> 
> ...


:goodpost:


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## Furbabies mom (Jul 25, 2011)

I got a puppy 4 months after I lost my last one. All the time that Ollie was declining in health, I kept telling my DH to not allow me to get another one. It was too hard losing them and I didn't want to go through that again. Also, I think in the back of my mind, was the feeling of freedom . No more trips to the vet, having a pet sitter, purchasing food, playtime, baths, and so on. But I could not stand it without one!!! I felt like something was missing in my life. I have a lovely family, but I simply missed having a fluff around. Once again I have 3!!!! Not one regret! My uncertainties were BEFORE I got my pups, not after. I do't know what advice to give here, but you shouldn't feel guilty if you return the puppy. It will be best for it and for you. Maybe you need a little time or you don't want to be a pet parent. Only you can decide.


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

No advice, just a hug. It is always difficult to lose something/someone who was significant in our lives.:grouphug::grouphug:


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## MalteseJane (Nov 21, 2004)

You remember me of me when I got Alex. We had a lhasa and he passed at 12 years old. Tho I waited 7 months before getting Alex, I went through the same emotions you are going through right now. I called the breeder and he did not want to take him back. I even put him in the newspaper and soon as I did I regret it. So I told myself that if nobody calls it is meant to be that I keep my pup. In the meantime that little pup did everything to make me love him. Right now you are overwhelmed. Puppies are sooo different from senior dogs and after 12 years and more you don't remember how much work a puppy is. Give it more time and you will start to bond.
When Alex died it was horrible. We had him for 14 years. Our first reaction was no more dogs, it is too hard to go through this. But the house was empty. We traveled some to forget but came home to an empty house. After a few months Charlie came to us but this time with the experience I went through with Alex I was prepared. The only thing I was not prepared for is that a one year old has as much energy as a pup. Lol, he makes us do some exercise. 
As I said before, give it some more time. You are overwhelmed right now and still grieving, if you give him back you might regret it later on. :grouphug:


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## shellbeme (Mar 1, 2011)

I am sorry for your loss. I have not experienced the grief, but I know all too well how stressful puppyhood is. The first several weeks we had Rocky I was tired and stressed out. I never thought of giving him away but there were times I just wanted to cry and thought, ' what have I gotten myself into?' I immagine a mix of that and the grief is where you are. I bet, if you give it some time, you will eventually wonder why you ever thought of taking him back.


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## MalteseJane (Nov 21, 2004)

shellbeme said:


> I am sorry for your loss. I have not experienced the grief, but I know all too well how stressful puppyhood is. The first several weeks we had Rocky I was tired and stressed out. I never thought of giving him away but there were times I just wanted to cry and thought, ' *what have I gotten myself into?' I immagine a mix of that and the grief is where you are*. I bet, if you give it some time, you will eventually wonder why you ever thought of taking him back.


Exactly !


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

It can be hard to have pets,it does take some extra considerations on free time, travel ,hotels and so on. I know it would be easier for us w/o pets ...but sooo very lonely.. 

We have 5 dogs so boarding or paying extra for a pet friendly hotel, hassels of traveling w/ dogs and so on, can be a trial. 

When my parents dog passed,they never got another one...

We almost didn't get another after our Amy died,but we were so heart broken. We weren't sure we wanted to do the puppy thing again, after having not dealt with that in so long...it does kinda feel like you're tied down...

I'm so glad we did it and the puppy time goes so fast.

Give it a little time, it may just be the grief and loss of routine...give him time too. You may change your mind...But if you're thinking of travel and feel tied down, contact the breeder, they will rehome him. Once you've had some time to ,do things and to come and go ,not feeling tied down, you may or may not want another dog. Sometimes people just need that extra time to decide, it really is a commitment to have a pet...and I think we've all felt tied down by our pets from time to time,doesnt' mean we don't love them...


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## zooeysmom (Aug 1, 2011)

Oh boy, can I relate! When I lost my beloved childhood dog, I went crazy with the grief and brought home a rescued Old English Sheepdog puppy about a week later. I felt like such a traitor to my Penelope. How could I love another dog that much? Why wasn't Paisley as sweet, connected, kissy, perfect as my Penny? I never was able to bond with her, and she wound up being my parents' beloved dog for 13 years. 

A couple of years ago was when my parents lost Paisley and our family's Maltese/Poodle "Six" at 16 years old, within a few months of each other. My parents grieved, but a few months later, my mom fell in love with her Shih Tzu puppy, Scout, and brought her home. Afterwards, she experienced those feelings of what have I done, a puppy is so much work, I'm tied down for the next 15 years, etc. My dad encouraged her to hang in there for just a little longer, and once she got past the grief, she completely bonded with Scout (almost to an unhealthy level LOL), and now she's so glad she has her! My parents then added Fiona, a golden retriever, to the family when Scout was 1.5 years old, and she has added an incredible amount of joy to the family. 

So, I just wanted to let you know you're not alone in your feelings and only you know what is best for you and this pup (and I'm sure he or she will have no trouble finding another great home). Go with your heart.


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## hoaloha (Jan 27, 2012)

zooeysmom said:


> Oh boy, can I relate! When I lost my beloved childhood dog, I went crazy with the grief and brought home a rescued Old English Sheepdog puppy about a week later. I felt like such a traitor to my Penelope. How could I love another dog that much? Why wasn't Paisley as sweet, connected, kissy, perfect as my Penny? I never was able to bond with her, and she wound up being my parents' beloved dog for 13 years.
> 
> A couple of years ago was when my parents lost Paisley and our family's Maltese/Poodle "Six" at 16 years old, within a few months of each other. My parents grieved, but a few months later, my mom fell in love with her Shih Tzu puppy, Scout, and brought her home. Afterwards, she experienced those feelings of what have I done, a puppy is so much work, I'm tied down for the next 15 years, etc. My dad encouraged her to hang in there for just a little longer, and once she got past the grief, she completely bonded with Scout (almost to an unhealthy level LOL), and now she's so glad she has her! My parents then added Fiona, a golden retriever, to the family when Scout was 1.5 years old, and she has added an incredible amount of joy to the family.
> 
> So, I just wanted to let you know you're not alone in your feelings and only you know what is best for you and this pup (and I'm sure he or she will have no trouble finding another great home). Go with your heart.


:goodpost: I can also relate to these feelings you've shared. Give it some time and evaluate how you feel in a little while. I'm glad the breeder is one who will work with you. No pup can EVER replace the one that has passed and only you will know for certain if you're ready. Everyone grieves differently and in their own time (some weeks, others months to years). ::HUGS:: to you no matter what you decide.


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## aksm4 (Nov 28, 2011)

I lost my labrador retreiver which I adored more than words can express on Dec 7  , and i undertan how heart broken you are , I took time to grieve and now in the process of purchasing my second maltese in April we already have Luna she is 3 and cant wait to get the little one home , so for me i neeed to wait it out and greive ..........

Anna xo


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## The A Team (Dec 1, 2005)

If you're not ready for the committment again so soon....don't put yourself or the pup through it. 

That may sound cruel, but it's not meant to be. I was in your place once and someone wanted to buy me a puppy. OMG, the committment of another 15 or so years..:blink:...I wasn't ready....and I didn't do it until I was.

Give it some good thought, maybe you do need a break before jumping into another dog..it's not wrong or bad to feel that way. But you really should be in a good frame of mind for starting a new venture like this.


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## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

I agree with what everyone has said. You may still need more time to grieve the loss of your beloved fluff. You may never want to get a "puppy" again and may decide to go for a retiree or older fluff.

For whatever reason, you are not ready to open your heart 100% to your new fluff and, imho, that isn't fair to the fluff and it isn't fair to you and your family. The fluff needs to go to a forever home where he will be loved and cherised 100% -- and you need to be free of the guilt that you're currently feeling because you aren't ready to give the new fluff 100% of your love.

The timing just isn't right for this and as others have said -- it's better to return the fluff to the breeder now instead of letting him get more used to your home and routine.

When the timing is right -- you will be willing to commit and there will be another fluff out there for you.


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