# I am so angry!!



## lindsay (May 18, 2008)

I just need to vent as much as possible so I can get it out or else I will yell at someone here and that won’t be good at all. I live with my boyfriend and he’s really not been great with money his whole life but he’s tried. Usually he uses a pre paid card with a company but he got a bank account and didn’t balance his account so he kept getting overdraft charges. Well bills are due and he can’t give me the money for bills. I am SO angry, I can’t see straight. I have to pay rent, water, cable, car insurance, my urology & hospital bills. THIS is why I don’t buy anything for myself and feel guilty, I keep thinking if I hadn’t bought that top Tuesday, if I hadn’t gone to see LeAnn Friday I would have extra money.. Now I have 4 dollars for gas and food for the next week… fabulous.


I don't want to see him, I don't want to speak to him, I cannot think straight. 

Sorry I really just needed to get that out!!!


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## The A Team (Dec 1, 2005)

ugh! I feel your pain.....(not really, but I do feel really sad for you). :bysmilie: 

Stupid as it may sound, my husband watches Judge Judy every day - and your story gets told alot!!! 
In fact, I was married to that kind of person once - I had to leave him before he ruined me completely! 

Oh dear....I'm sorry, you probably need to hear good stuff right now. ummmmm, wait, give me a few minutes....I'll think of something....  .....do you want to hear something other than "get rid of him"?


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## KandiMaltese (Mar 27, 2007)

I agree with Pat  You're young, pretty and sound smart..I don't think you need us to tell you what to do B)


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## lindsay (May 18, 2008)

It's just tough cause i'm so far away from family. 
GRRR. 
I've got to be careful what I tell my mom because I don't want her to worry about me. I'm almost 900 miles away. =(


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## mpappie (Jun 28, 2005)

Going back 900 miles and starting over might be better, who knows. Best of luck!
We are all feeling the money pinch these days, I am sure.


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## MandyMc65 (Jun 14, 2007)

I don't necessarily see this as a reason to leave someone if you love them!

Have you tried to see if he'd be willing to let you do the finances? That would help alleviate a lot of the concerns, but he'd have to be willing to do that.

Some people just aren't good with money, and that's just how it is....


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## lindsay (May 18, 2008)

We're just boyfriend/girlfriend... Although we do live together I'm a firm believer in his money is his and my money is mind. It may sound crazy but I'd rather leave it that way than try to control his spending or anything.


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## casa verde maltese (Apr 7, 2007)

QUOTE (lindsay @ Oct 30 2008, 12:32 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=660917


> We're just boyfriend/girlfriend... Although we do live together I'm a firm believer in his money is his and my money is mind. It may sound crazy but I'd rather leave it that way than try to control his spending or anything.[/B]


but if he is responsible for half of the living expense bills... then asking for that money up front does not seem unreasonable or managing his finances might help keep him out of trouble with fees, etc.. $4 for gas is what 1.5 gallons maybe.


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## CeeCee's Mom (Sep 14, 2006)

..............but it sounds like you are paying his part of the expenses if you live together. DO NOT let him get away with this. He will use you!!! We are only trying to help.........kick him to the curb if he can't pay his way. It is as simple as that. I am very sorry, I do not mean to sound cruel but you can do better than that. There is no way you can pay for gas and food for the next week with $4.00 left over because YOU paid the bills and you have nothing to live on because he did not pay his share. A little clue to your problem is that you don't want your Mother to know. You know it is not right just by saying that. I have a daughter and I would not want her to accept someone that lives off of her. I care about you because you are a young female that deserves better. Please think about this.


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## jmm (Nov 23, 2004)

You need to put your lease and bill agreement in writing. If he cannot commit to it, then you need to find a new place (with a roommate if you need). 

I was watching cnn the other day and they said financial troubles are the #1 reason for divorce in the U.S. Don't stay in a relationship where you cannot be open and make the finances work. That doesn't mean you're in charge, just that you can communicate about it and he's not strapping you with his bills. My hubby and I keep our finances mostly separate. But we share our budgets and stick together.


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## godiva goddess (Nov 19, 2007)

QUOTE (CeeCee's Mom @ Oct 30 2008, 02:48 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=660924


> ..............but it sounds like you are paying his part of the expenses if you live together. DO NOT let him get away with this. He will use you!!! We are only trying to help.........kick him to the curb if he can't pay his way. It is as simple as that. I am very sorry, I do not mean to sound cruel but you can do better than that. There is no way you can pay for gas and food for the next week with $4.00 left over because YOU paid the bills and you have nothing to live on because he did not pay his share. A little clue to your problem is that you don't want your Mother to know. You know it is not right just by saying that. I have a daughter and I would not want her to accept someone that lives off of her. I care about you because you are a young female that deserves better. Please think about this.[/B]


Well said!! Totally Agree!!! :yes:


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## Max & Rocky (May 20, 2004)

QUOTE (lindsay @ Oct 30 2008, 11:32 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=660917


> ...I'm a firm believer in his money is his and my money is mind (sic)[/B]



I'm in agreement with the others.

It is ok to have this attitude if he is taking care of business fine. But you have already told us that he is not and since what he does impacts you directly, you need to do whatever is necessary to take care of yourself first.

If he gets his act together, great, but if he doesn't... you need to make sure your stuff does not all end up on the curb one day...


Dr. Phil :biggrin:


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## MandyMc65 (Jun 14, 2007)

Just wanted to add, that my comment about not leaving someone for that reason if you love them, is only if you haven't discussed it! I can see if he isn't willing to change/help then it would be a reason! 

You can't allow his financial irresponsibility to negatively impact you - which it is! Not only that, he is basically living off you, which again is not something that someone should do! Discuss it and if he doesn't want to change or have help, then I would get a new roommate!


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## graceandmartin (Feb 25, 2008)

Firstly, hugs to you as I know that this is not an easy situation. :sLo_grouphug3: :sLo_grouphug3: 

I know that its easy for someone on the outside to say, then just leave him- but for you its not the easiest thing since you're far from home. 

I do believe though that if the love was mutual and he prioritized you and your relationship first, he would do what he can to get his finances together- simply because they affect you. Yes, whats his money is his, and yours is yours- but since he can't get his act together, he's literally forcing you to make your money HIS money. Keep that in mind. You are young and still have yet so much ahead of you. Do you really want to start this way in life by going into debt, or worse hunger, because you have to help support someone who won't (and I emphasize WON'T as opposed to CAN'T!) help himself? 

I agree with what someone else said, maybe going back home would be a good start over- and if Mom is going to worry about you, well, I don't blame her. What mother wants to hear that her daughter has $4 to carry her over for the next week? I know I wouldn't. 

Hang in there and keep us posted on how things go!


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## GreenFuzzer (Jun 16, 2007)

You can't come to this wonderful family to vent without a lot of "Aunties" stepping in giving advice, that is how family are. We care. 

Have you and BF talked? Really talked? I know often young people don't talk about money because they know they are earning enough to cover the bills that they think miraculously that they will get paid but unless you sit and figure out how you as a couple want to deal with these things it won't work. 

DH and I don't believe in doing things the same as others do. First off your bills and his bills should be separate. These would be things that are in your own name like cell phones, car payments, car insurance, credit cards. Living expenses we don't think should be split 50-50 unless both people have the same income, we think it should be by percentage. I'm going to use round numbers for ease of example only. If combined NET income was $1,000 per month and person A's NET income is $350 and person B's NET income is $650 then in our way of thinking person A would pay 35% of rent, utilities, other joint bills. and person B would pay 65% of those same things. Other wise person A is busting their butt to pay what is easy for person B to do with no problem while person B has extra spending money and that can cause lots of stress. 

The other thing is very so simple it sounds stupid. Envelopes in a fire box. Have an envelope for each joint bill with the name of the bill the total for that bills payment and each persons amount they are suppose to put down per pay period. There is this thing called cash that we don't often see much anymore but you take cash and put that amount in each envelope each week. When you have the required amount you deposit it and send it off to pay the bill. Another way to do that same thing is to have a joint account that ONLY the joint bill money goes into and that takes both signatures on the check, have the right amount of money payroll deducted each week and sent straight to that account. Then you have to do the bills together.

Good luck and TALK and see what you really want. We know what you deserve.


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## SueC (May 23, 2007)

I guess I agree with the idea that it is all depends on his attitude about it. If he admits he has a problem with finances and is willing to have you help him budget and get organized financially-and if he understands how wrong it is to put you at such a disadvantage, then you have a problem you can possibly tackle together.

But if he is argumentative about money or doesn't understand that his behavior is hurtful, and disrespectful, really, then that is a totally different problem.

You want a man who will want the very best for you. Believe me, many of have had both kinds-so we are just speaking from our hearts. :heart: 
One of the hardest things for women to do when they are young is to understand their value-but that is the key to finding the right balance in a relationship.
Expect fairness, and don't settle for less.

Oprah :biggrin:


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## Max & Rocky (May 20, 2004)

QUOTE (maltesemom3 @ Oct 30 2008, 02:51 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=661040


> Oprah :biggrin:[/B]



Hi Oprah

How's it workin for ya' (said with best Texas accent)

Dr. Phil (AKA Thread Jacker)


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## Max & Rocky (May 20, 2004)

QUOTE (maltesemom3 @ Oct 30 2008, 02:51 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=661040


> I guess I agree with the idea that it is all depends on his attitude about it. If he admits he has a problem with finances and is willing to have you help him budget and get organized financially-and if he understands how wrong it is to put you at such a disadvantage, then you have a problem you can possibly tackle together.
> 
> But if he is argumentative about money or doesn't understand that his behavior is hurtful, and disrespectful, really, then that is a totally different problem.
> 
> ...



:goodpost: 


:clap: :clap: :clap:


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## SueC (May 23, 2007)

QUOTE (Max & Rocky @ Oct 30 2008, 05:26 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=661070


> QUOTE (maltesemom3 @ Oct 30 2008, 02:51 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=661040





> I guess I agree with the idea that it is all depends on his attitude about it. If he admits he has a problem with finances and is willing to have you help him budget and get organized financially-and if he understands how wrong it is to put you at such a disadvantage, then you have a problem you can possibly tackle together.
> 
> But if he is argumentative about money or doesn't understand that his behavior is hurtful, and disrespectful, really, then that is a totally different problem.
> 
> ...



:goodpost: 


:clap: :clap: :clap:

[/B][/QUOTE]



Awww...thanks, Steve , now I feel a little guilty for all of the smart alek comments that run through my head after some of your posts! Like in a recent post where you mentioned being sick for 3 days. I almost posted "what??? sick in wonderful warm Arizona??? :blink: You might as well move back to Iowa, then, and suffer with the rest of us. :HistericalSmiley: See how restrained I usually am?


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## Cupcake2007 (Jan 22, 2008)

Well first off let me say.. i know what you mean about living while bf/gf. 

I am a BIG spender! I love it! If i have freaking .50, i will use it! When I first moved in, I didnt have a job. I was a bit spoiled growing up. A week after school started, robby told me... "you have until the end of the month to find a job" lol i was pissed of course, but i knew eventually that day would come. I got the shi**iest job ever... lol i worked at the movies... they were the only ones that were hiring on the spot... lmao... anyways... it was a hard because the pay sucked and i never had time off... 

but, it made me more responsible.. and i was able to pay the bills.... (i quit the movies after 1 month... i couldnt do it.. it was horrible.. i have a much much better job now)

Robby is the MOST ANNOYING bill collector EVER!!! OMG! And, this has taught me to pay him on time.. lol its not that i dont have the money... i just really forget... btw... rent is due tomorrow... CRAP! 

We are in agreement that we pay everything half. everything... even the girls vet bills... We are both on the lease so we both pay our share... if not, ill report him... lol and everytime i get my financial aid check, i give him 1200 and it covers rent for the semester until i get the other check in january... it works out good because i dont have him buggin me for rent.. lol then every begining of the month i give him 60 to cover water cable electricity.. and im good...

As long as im paying my bills... he has no business telling me what to do with my money.. lol

i guess what im trying to say is you can give him a choice.... if he wants to continue living with you, he needs a job by whatever date you give him... and tell him when he has money... give u at least 20... and like that he will build enough money to pay his part of the bills... idk if makes sense... 

i hope everything works out... and if kicking him out will make u feel better... then do it... he should understand...


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## karebear (Nov 4, 2007)

I live with my boyfriend too and I know how much of an awkward conversation talking about money is.. but it has to be done. Don't be afraid to hurt his feelings. If he isn't accepting or open to working this financial problem out with you, start thinking about alternative living situations (moving out and getting a roommate.. or a cheaper apartment.) Break down the monthly bills for him so he knows how much is owed to what bill.

I have to say.. I was in your boyfriend's situation :brownbag: I would lose track of my spending and end up with barely enough money for my share of the rent. He basically lectured me about responsibility and how unfair this was to him. I was SO embarrassed, but it set me straight!


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## lindsay (May 18, 2008)

Hiiii guyss!!! 
I was so busy the last couple days I couldn't respond! 
He was able to pay a little over half of what he needed to so it takes a bit of a burden off. I also won a pumpkin carving contest & second place for my costume so I got an extra 85 bucks for that! =)


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## jasmyne's mom (Dec 2, 2006)

I'm glad he was able to give you some money...and the contest you won!! When God closes a door He always opens a window.


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## camfan (Oct 30, 2006)

Money issues can be tough. I hope things work out :grouphug: I don't know how old you are, etc. but it's (money) just one big aspect of any relationship that has to be thoroughly communicated through and it really can make or break things. Even those of us who are "older" and have been married (or with BF/GF, etc) for many years, those issues still come up through various times in a relationship. If you weather it together it only makes you closer! Best of luck!


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## mi_ku_5 (Jun 2, 2008)

Forget Oprah and Dr. Phil, you need Suze Orman. I love her and she would definatley set you both straight. 

Half of what he owes wouldn't fly with the landlord or the utility companies. Why should he be able to treat you like that?


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## llf060787 (Nov 19, 2007)

Well I believe in a nifty little thing called "direct deposit". You should both have a certain amount direct deposited into an account for household bills on a weekly or bi-weekly basis depending on when payday is... what you don't get in your paycheck, you can't spend. the person whose name is on the lease and the household bills should mann the checking account and pay all bills from that account at the end of the month, since its their credit that's on the line. All personal bills should stay with the person who incurred them.

Although its easy for me to say since hubby cheerfully hands over his paychecks from both jobs over to me (I work full-time as well). I handle all household finances and I prefer it this way. :chili: :chili: :chili:


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## oiseaux (Feb 16, 2008)

Everyone here has given you really great advice. Isn't it nice to know you have all these "Aunties" on SM (and Uncle Steve/Phil) ? I hope you find the financial arrangement that works best for you and your BF and your particular situation. It's a wonderful feeling when you can communicate openly with your partner about money and be able to work towards and realize your financial goals individually and as a couple. It doesn't happen overnight but it's important to honestly evaluate your situation and begin to concretely lay down a financial plan now and for the long run. 
:Good luck: Bonne chance and keep us posted.


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