# Mortgage Dilemma. Please help!



## geslabon (Mar 3, 2008)

I know this is too personal to post in the internet but I'm really desperate and had some really good help in this website. Please, any thoughts. Help![/list]


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## Howren06 (Nov 29, 2005)

You could contact the foreclosure prevention hotline. They can get you in touch with someone in your area that can try to help you. The number is 1-888-995-HOPE.


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## I found nemo (Feb 23, 2006)

Im so sorry this is happening to you, please call the number Howren provided.
Please update soon.. I wish I could be of more help..
Good Luck :grouphug:


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## geslabon (Mar 3, 2008)

Thanks guys.. I will contact them. I checked with my husband he said he knew about the site but they can not do anything if you are in Chapter 13 but I will double check. According to our lawyer we can prevent Foreclosure from having my dad apply for Chapter 13 but then I'm afraid we will be in the same loop because of the high monthly payment. I was hoping to find some kind of refinance but it would be hard if bad credit and the value of our loan is more than the house. 

Anyone know's if the house is going to get any better within one year or so? Or will it get worst?
I have two option right now... have my dad file for Chapter 13 and keep bleeding until the house sale gets better hopefully. or just give it up and get a rental for $1,500 or so ... and start saving to purchase a house. 

Thanks guys any opinion are welcome. Please Help!


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## I found nemo (Feb 23, 2006)

They say the market could take up to 3 yrs to get better, but who knows.
If your credit was better a refinance would be the way to go, the rates are pretty low, I know this isn't an option. I don't know what to tell you, if it was me I would try to hold on to it as long as I could so at least to get something out of it.
Then again bankruptcy can really hurt you dad and no bank will give him a thing for at least 5 to 7 yrs, I just don't know what to tell you .. 

Im sorry


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## puppymom (Jun 13, 2005)

I don't mean to sound harsh but it may be that the best thing that can happen would be to lose the house. It sounds like you are in a no win situation. You are in a mortgagee on a house that you cannot afford, is there anything you anticipate to be different a year from now that will make this house affordable.

If your credit is bad, there is a reason. In most cases that happens because people live way beyond their means or some unforseen situation changes their income drastically. Unless you feel that something is going to change for your family (financially) in the coming months you are just going to find yourself in the same situation again and again. 

I don't think our economy is going to improve in the coming months, some fiancial analysts believe we have not yet hit bottom. A $1500 rental is more affordable than a $6000 mortgagee.


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## 3Maltmom (May 23, 2005)

At this point, you need to focus on keeping your dad out of BK.

Not sure of the "ins and outs" of your loan, but you must take
care of your dad, and his credit.

You may be better off with a $1500-a-month rent, than a 6K mortgage.


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## I found nemo (Feb 23, 2006)

I agree with them. This way you pay rent, but can at least put some money away towards something better.. Good Luck! :grouphug:


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## cknight (Jan 8, 2008)

A BBK is not a bad thing in the long run. Don't worry about your credit right now you can always work on improving it, your Dad credit should not have to suffer anymore. If you decide to give the house up, you can get secure cards later on and try to re-establish your credit. It will be 4 years before you can try to buy a house again, unless they change the rules in the future. In that time you can re-establish yourself, by paying on time with your rental, as well as secured and even un-secured credit, ie. cars etc.

Don't dispear, you are not alone in this mortgage nightmare!

Alot of people wanted the American Dream of owning a beautiful home and did not thing of it falling apart, the economy that is.

I suggest that you talk with a Financial Advisor to sort it all out. We all here can only make suggestion, but we do not know all your financial woes. 

Good Luck to you and your family.


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## carolicious (Feb 25, 2008)

I don't know too much about this subject, but I also agree with others have said. You can't afford to have your father lose his good credit when he's the only one without bad credit. If this situation comes up again in the future and there is no one left with good credit, what would you do? I say, make sure your dad keeps his good credit, and go rent instead. 

I'm sorry this is happening to you.


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## Max & Rocky (May 20, 2004)

I can not imagine how stressful this is and I feel for you and your family because of that.

I do not know any details about your situation, jobs, or how you ended up with a $6000 per month mortgage, etc but our mortgage is 1/3 of that and I will say that both my wife and I have advanced degrees and we each make pretty good salaries in our respsective fields and we have been in our fields long enough to move up... but a $6000 per month mortgage or how you got to that point is just something I can not comprend.


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## jadey (Nov 2, 2006)

I honestly feel for you. You know what you can do, did you call your lender explain you are dealing with hardship, and that you want to foreclose even bankrupt and thought about it for 6 months. Say your savings has been drainning. Say anything! A cut in your paycheck, a job lost, business etc. Ask them to if they can reduce your rate, or if you can short sale. These days with the real estate market being so bad, big banks to little banks are helping out a lot. You could short sale it even if its only a step higher then foreclosure.


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## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

My thoughts and prayers are with you. :grouphug: :grouphug: rayer: 

You said that your father had co-signed for the loan on the house. If this is correct, then, even if you have filed for Bankruptcy and cannot pay the loan, your father, as co-signer will be responsible for paying the loan. The only way for him to get out of paying for the loan would be:

1. Someone else to assume the payments and the loan;
2. Sell the house;
3. You to continue paying the loan; or
4. Your father will also need to declare bankruptcy.

As the co-signer on the loan, he is just as responsible for the loan payment as you are. When the loans were originally made, the bank(s) did not feel that your credit was strong enough for the loan and that is the reason that they asked that your father co-sign on the loan. This obligated him to pay the loan if and/or when you were unable to and the debt on the house is as much his as yours.

Sorry for that bit of bad news, but that is the case here.


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## wooflife (Aug 8, 2007)

I feel for the stress you are under right now.

I know that the last thing the bank wants is to own your house. Banks are not in the realty business and will try to avoid foreclosure if it is at all possible.

Talk to the bank and see if they would be willing to work with you at all. I had a neighbor who was in danger of bank foreclosure several times when she was unemployed and always managed to work with the bank to work it through. She did eventually end up selling the house.

Leslie


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## camfan (Oct 30, 2006)

> I don't mean to sound harsh but it may be that the best thing that can happen would be to lose the house. It sounds like you are in a no win situation. You are in a mortgagee on a house that you cannot afford, is there anything you anticipate to be different a year from now that will make this house affordable.
> 
> If your credit is bad, there is a reason. In most cases that happens because people live way beyond their means or some unforseen situation changes their income drastically. Unless you feel that something is going to change for your family (financially) in the coming months you are just going to find yourself in the same situation again and again.
> 
> I don't think our economy is going to improve in the coming months, some fiancial analysts believe we have not yet hit bottom. A $1500 rental is more affordable than a $6000 mortgagee.[/B]


Ditto.

My thoughts are with you :grouphug:


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## domino_angel (Apr 17, 2008)

If you want some more advice...

You really really do not want to foreclose. Say your house is worth 700k. If you foreclose, the bank takes the house, and sells it for market value. It isn't worth the loan value, so it sells for 500k. In this case, you STILL OWE 200 thousand bucks! You do NOT want to let this happen. Your dad will get stuck with that, as will you. 

You can: 
Short sale. Sell for what you can get, as fast as possible. The advantage is that sometimes the bank will take less than the actual value of the loan, and you don't get stuck in the above situation. 

Try to stick it out. How bad is the situation, really? What can you do to get more money? Maybe you can take on a roommate, sell all your valuables, something. Anything! If you take this option, you might be able to negotiate with your bank to keep out of foreclosure. They don't want to have to do it, and neither do you. 

Your advantage is that banks absolutely do not want to foreclose, it costs them a lot of money to do that, and they will lose money on the house no matter what. Keep that in mind when talking to them. 

I used to be in real estate, before the bubble burst. I saw this coming and jumped ship early.


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## binniebee (Sep 27, 2007)

> As the co-signer on the loan, he is just as responsible for the loan payment as you are. When the loans were originally made, the bank(s) did not feel that your credit was strong enough for the loan and that is the reason that they asked that your father co-sign on the loan. This obligated him to pay the loan if and/or when you were unable to and the debt on the house is as much his as yours.
> 
> Sorry for that bit of bad news, but that is the case here.[/B]


Which is why, no matter how much I love my adult children, I will never agree to co-sign a loan. If they cannot build up their own good credit and save a down-payment then obviously they are not mature enough for the house/loan or whatever. It's just a fact of being responsible and I never asked my parents to do so for me. I have loaned my kids money from time to time and not accepted repayment when/if they offered, but good credit is just crucial to your life and I cannot afford to lose my good credit rating over someone else's immaturity or irresponsibility or even "bad luck". We've all had to deal with "bad luck" and "bad choices" but we have to make the best of what the results are and not take our parents down with us in the process. They did not deserve to be punished a lifetime for our bad decisions, especially if they are generous and trusting enough to risk their good credit by co-signing on a loan as large as a house.

I wish you the best, but sounds as if you just need to cut your losses and try to start over again. Lord knows I have enough times (although without the bankruptcy. co-signing by parents and bad credit).

Cyndi


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## Max & Rocky (May 20, 2004)

I am still pretty much floored by the thought of a $6000 per month mortgage payment and what this all means. 

For instance, many mortgage lenders suggest that a mortgage payment not be more than 25 to 28% up to an absolute maximum 33% of gross monthly income. That would mean an absolute minimum monthly income of over $18,000 to $24,000 per month if I were to take the more conservative choice... In other words, your income needs to be in the area of $230,000 to $288,000 per year in order to afford this mortgage!!

As I said earlier, I can not imagine having to deal with this sort of stress, but I also have to ask (which you certainly should not answer on the internet) if you were ever able to afford this sort of mortgage payment)? 

Just doing a quick look at the IRS website and using their 2005 numbers (which are the latest they have posted) an income like that puts you in the top 1% to maybe around 1.5% of the population, which is pretty rare territory ... but then I am also struck by the fact that the house had a value ~700K.... which for any place on the east or west coasts, is actually pretty ordinary...???

We all worry about sickness or job loss and when that sort of thing happens and results in loss of a home, it is really a disaster... But I am wondering what sort of responsibility that you or your husband have in this?

(again, I am not wanting an answer, but it is something that someone needs to look at carefully)


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## I found nemo (Feb 23, 2006)

> > index.php?act=findpost&pid=573374
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I totally agree. I love my 3 boys above anything else in my life , but there is no way I would co-sign either. When each of my boys get married they will get a substantial amount of money . As this will help with a down payment.
Your right, your credit is so important and my score is really high and I wouldn't jeopardize that for anyone. It's so hard to say no to people you love..


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## 3Maltmom (May 23, 2005)

> I am still pretty much floored by the thought of a $6000 per month mortgage payment and what this all means.
> 
> For instance, many mortgage lenders suggest that a mortgage payment not be more than 25 to 28% up to an absolute maximum 33% of gross monthly income. That would mean an absolute minimum monthly income of over $18,000 to $24,000 per month if I were to take the more conservative choice... In other words, your income needs to be in the area of $230,000 to $288,000 per year in order to afford this mortgage!!
> 
> ...



I agree, Steve. I have friends, who had very poor credit. I was shocked when they
actually purchased a home, based on credit, which would not have qualified them for
a can of cream corn.

OP: You, and your husband, are grown adults. I'm sorry this happened to you, but
your top priority is to save your Dad's credit, as best you can. You need to consult
with a credit counselor, and make your Dad, top priority. Your credit is/has been
ruined. Do what you can to salvage what's left of your dad's. It's only fair, as he
was there for you.

I seriously doubt you can keep your home. Good heavens, a 6K mortgage payment
is beyond many means. Not to mention a 12% interest rate. Get counseling, sell
the house, and look at the "forgiveness" loans. I don't know much about them, but
do have a client who sold his (upside down) house, and the remainder, of the loan,
was "forgiven". 

Once again, look after your dad's best interest. More so than the interest which you
are paying on a house you cannot afford.


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## geslabon (Mar 3, 2008)

1. Two years ago the house was for sale for $700K & we got it down to $10K less.. help from the original owner.
2. Now the value of the house is probably around $500K - $600K.. I'm not sure.
3. My father help us co-sign the loan because my husband and I had a bad credit due to our business that went sour and husband's bad habit. 
4. At that time we thought that the reason we got the house was because of his good credit but just realized (I could be wrong) that did not really did anything to us because we still ended up with two high mortgage to be exact one is $3,000 and the other loan is about #2,000. There are two different loan and two different bank. So our total mortgage is $5,000/Month. I apologize if I was $1,000 off. With 12% and 7% interest. It was a bad mood that we included my dad because I think we would get the same loan if it was just my husband and I. There was no paper work that my dad can afford the mortgage and they just ask us for $20,00 deposit.
5. Yes, it sound unbelievable but it's TRUE and we got approve for a loan that big and we where surprise as well so we took it even though the rate was at 12% and the other was 7%.. just like it was mention here.. It was a dream come true!
6. During the good days in business we where able to afford this mortgage but business went sour and that's how we ended up with Chapter 13 and other personal issues with my husband. 
7. Now, we are still running our business on the side and my husband and I have full time job which pays both on the 6 digits a year. This is not to brag. Please don't get me wrong. 
8. We are able to pay $5,000/month plus the Chapter 13 which total to $6,000 or more a month. Plus other expense with 4 kids, live in nanny and two Maltese and my both of my parents live with us for FREE. I asked them to sell their house and save their money for their retirement. They both have a very low salary and was struggling to make payments on their house. So, I offer them to leave with us for free which I never regret and I'm very happy that my kids and I are very close to them and see them everyday. In fact it was a dream come true and I feel very blessed to have my parents with me. I know some of you will disagree but this situation works for us. 
9. Some of you all know about my issue with my husband (gambling) which he stop for 2 weeks now. 
(Please don't jinks it). I'm now handling all our expense and wanted to get an advice from you guys if I should hold on to this mortgage until it gets better OR just move on. Please keep in mind that our credits are no good at all but we can keep paying for the mortgage and keep hoping that in years from now things will get better and the value of our house go back up and get refinance.
10. I'm tired of this big monthly payment, huge interest rate and I believe that we are a victim of the loan shark or something like that.... 
11. So I guess my question should have been like this.. Should I hold on to this very high monthly mortgage and with interest up to the sky or is it better to just get rid of it... rent and save all the money and buy house in cash?12. Just for the update from previous... I have not seen a counselor but so far going to church is working for my husband.
13. Thank you for all the prayers. Please keep praying for my family.


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## BrookeB676 (Oct 17, 2004)

> 1. Two years ago the house was for sale for $700K & we got it down to $10K less.. help from the original owner.
> 2. Now the value of the house is probably around $500K - $600K.. I'm not sure.
> 3. My father help us co-sign the loan because my husband and I had a bad credit due to our business that went sour and husband's bad habit.
> 4. At that time we thought that the reason we got the house was because of his good credit but just realized (I could be wrong) that did not really did anything to us because we still ended up with two high mortgage to be exact one is $3,000 and the other loan is about #2,000. There are two different loan and two different bank. So our total mortgage is $5,000/Month. I apologize if I was $1,000 off. With 12% and 7% interest. It was a bad mood that we included my dad because I think we would get the same loan if it was just my husband and I. There was no paper work that my dad can afford the mortgage and they just ask us for $20,00 deposit.
> ...


I think the point is that no matter how you put it, you guys are having trouble making such a high payment, as most people would. They gave you 2 different loans because you didn't have 20% to put down on the home, so to avoid PMI, they set you up with 2 loans (and the 2nd loan always has a high interest rate). I know that if it were me, I wouldn't try to afford a $700,000 home if I didn't even have 20% to put down. That is an indicator that I don't have the money to come up with such a payment like you have.

You never want to complicate your life too much. It sounds like it would be a lot less stressful for you to do what you suggest in #11. Whatever you decide, I am sorry you have to go through this. I hope this mortgage crisis teaches people to try and be as informed and educated as possible about any type of large financial committment. The stress something like this brings on is not worth the initial feeling of achievement and success, IMO.


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## I found nemo (Feb 23, 2006)

:grouphug: You and your family are in my prayers..
Sometimes things are going so well and in the drop of a dime things turn for the worst/
We all have been there at least I have, don't look at why and who to blame, just think about the best way to get out of it.. Hang on it will get better..

Best Of Luck :grouphug:


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## jazak (Feb 12, 2008)

I would personally never pay 12% interest on a house. By the time all is said and done with a conventional 30 year mortgage you will have paid close to 2 MILLION dollars for this house!! (this is based on only the 12% interest rate, as I do not know how much is on the 7% interst loan) That is an astronomical amount for a house that is only worth about 500k. And if you think about it all that additional money is just going down the drain. If I were you I would have an apraisal, (you may be suprised at what the house is actually worth, property value does not generally decline to that extreme) try to sell the house, rent, and clean up your credit with the amount you would usually be sinking into the mortgage!!


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## luvmyfurbaby (Feb 11, 2007)

In your title you say you have one week before you lose your house so it seems you have missed payments already. I know congress was trying to pass a bill to relieve the people who are facing foreclosure. I think here in Florida we are the #3 state in foreclosures. I would talk to your lenders and see if you qualify for a refinance with the cost going back into your loan with a lower interest rate or go into a forbarance arrangement. If the house forecloses it will effect your Dad's credit. They are also prosecuting several mortgage brokers here in FL for qualifing and forging documents for homeowners that would not qualify. You may want to look into that and see if they can go after the broker.


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## jadey (Nov 2, 2006)

> > index.php?act=findpost&pid=573653
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Brooke I agree with what your saying. All I know is if you can tough it out for 2-3 years then do it. But if your savings is drainning then contact your lender. Or maybe you already done that? I remeber 2 years ago anyone could buy a house, didnt have to show proof of income, credit could have been okay! didnt matter, banks were happy to give out loans. since the market stinks we lost about 350k, and 50k off the condo now no one can really buy a house unless your a 1st time home owner or if you have 20% down. Now the lenders are doing paperwork. 

If you plan on foreclosing then get a good lawyer. I hope you contact your lender, and shortsale it. Im sure you can. Some banks will just shortsale it with no problem and some will want the remaining balance.


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## Gigis_Mom (Mar 14, 2008)

Oh my.. First I can't even imagine a mortgage that high. I will definately keep your family in my prayers. I hope things work out for you.


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## carolicious (Feb 25, 2008)

I'm a little confused... you are going to lose your house within a week? but you just said you and your husband both make in the 6 digits and can pay the mortgage? so you're not losing the house? You're just trying to decide if you want to sell it or not?  I'm lost..


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## angel's mom (Feb 14, 2007)

> I'm a little confused... you are going to lose your house within a week? but you just said you and your husband both make in the 6 digits and can pay the mortgage? so you're not losing the house? You're just trying to decide if you want to sell it or not?  I'm lost..[/B]


I'm glad I'm not the only one that got confused after reading her post.


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## MandyMc65 (Jun 14, 2007)

> > index.php?act=findpost&pid=573809
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## mimi2 (Mar 29, 2005)

> 1. Two years ago the house was for sale for $700K & we got it down to $10K less.. help from the original owner.
> 2. Now the value of the house is probably around $500K - $600K.. I'm not sure.
> 3. My father help us co-sign the loan because my husband and I had a bad credit due to our business that went sour and husband's bad habit.
> 4. At that time we thought that the reason we got the house was because of his good credit but just realized (I could be wrong) that did not really did anything to us because we still ended up with two high mortgage to be exact one is $3,000 and the other loan is about #2,000. There are two different loan and two different bank. So our total mortgage is $5,000/Month. I apologize if I was $1,000 off. With 12% and 7% interest. It was a bad mood that we included my dad because I think we would get the same loan if it was just my husband and I. There was no paper work that my dad can afford the mortgage and they just ask us for $20,00 deposit.
> ...



I know I'm going to regret this but feel it has to be said! 

#10 really irks the crap out of me! *"I'm tired of this big monthly payment, huge interest rate and I believe that we are a victim of the loan shark or something like that...." * I highly doubt you are the victim of a loan shark. If you have been it's almost impossible to prove unless you have a commitment letter from the mortgage broker you used saying you will be given this rate and in reality it wound up being a different number. It's obvious you shouldn't have signed on the dotted line! I'm sorry but you have no one to blame but yourselves! Unless a gun was held to your head.....you can't put this on anyone else. If you and your husband are making over 100k each you need to suck it up and pay your mortgage and stay in the house. Go to a credit counseling agency, this is the one Suze Orman suggests Credit Counseling I think that it is situations like this that have put the housing market in this situation. I do wish you and your family good luck.


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## MissMelanie (Feb 13, 2006)

I feel for you and sure to wish you well. Goodness knows you have a lot on your "plate".

GOOD LUCK!
Melanie


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## charmypoo (Sep 11, 2004)

My best wishes are with you and your family. I have no financial advice to offer you.

I am totally confused by the whole situation. If you and your husband each make 6 digits, how did this happen? I am thinking even if your husband gambled away his entire earning - there is still your 6 digit income. Many families live very comfortably with much less. Maybe it is time to re-evaluate the luxuries and live a life style that won't give you nightmares. This could be the opportuntity to start over and not think about the what-ifs.

I have always made a decent living but my boyfriend is a late bloomer. When we purchased our home, we still managed a 25% downpayment and a mortgage that I can afford comfortably on my own. We wanted to be able to live comfortably and be able to save for the future and all the unexpected things that happen.

I imagine this is really hard for you especially with your parents and 4 kids. It's time to get things together.


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## binniebee (Sep 27, 2007)

I am now wondering if the "six digit income each" means something different than over $100,000 USD. How could one (or two, with incomes exceeding this) possibly not afford the mortgage on their home? Although the $5,000 monthly mortgage is quite excessive in my lifestyle I am sure it is quite "normal" in other parts of the world and others' lifestyles. However, knowing my boss's income and knowing what his mortgage is for his huge and beautiful home, I also know it is not as much as $5,000 per month. And he lives in a gated community with popular, successful (to say the least!) country music stars two doors down!

I was married to a gambler once and he did blow a lot of money unnecessarily, but I guess he had the sense to stop before he drained us so that we couldn't pay our bills. Perhaps your husband really DOES (or did) gamble away hundreds of thousands of dollars? I guess that would explain the missed payments and lack of funds?

I will hope for the best for you. Nobody ever needs to end up in such a hellish situation, about to lose their home. 

*hugs*
Cyndi


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## Max & Rocky (May 20, 2004)

> 9. Some of you all know about my issue with my husband (gambling) which he stop for 2 weeks now.
> (Please don't jinks it). I'm now handling all our expense and wanted to get an advice from you guys if I should hold on to this mortgage until it gets better OR just move on. Please keep in mind that our credits are no good at all but we can keep paying for the mortgage and keep hoping that in years from now things will get better and the value of our house go back up and get refinance.
> [/B]


If your husband has a gambling addiction, the fact he has temporarily stopped for 2 weeks means absolutely nothing. There are 12 step programs out there for people with addictions and he needs to be going to one of these meetings a few times per week (at least) and he needs to be working the 12 step program. I do not know your location but you can google the phrase "gambing addiction" and probably start to zero in on some group meetings.

I also believe there are support programs for significant others who are married to addicts. You need to be going to one of these and you need to learn to hold him accountable for his actions. At that point, you may learn how absurd it is to even think "he has stopped now for 2 weeks". Even if he has stopped, if it has only been two weeks, he is STILL in the middle of his addiction.

I am about ready to close this thread for multiple reasons... I think most of us feel for you in varying degrees. However, I am totally shocked that you would post this to a forum about Maltese dogs... You should have been trying to get help years ago from professionals... not from dog lovers. We are totally unqualified to provide you the level of help which it is apparent you need. I am also shocked at the lack of maturity in some parts of your posts describing this situation. At times, I feel as though I am reading posts from a teenager.... a teenager with a 6 figure income... :smpullhair:


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## Maxsmom (Aug 5, 2007)

I was a stock broker with a very large company in Tulsa for a couple of years. We were always watching our markets in an election year. You can bet your bottom, that until the public is comfortable with whomever our new president will be, then consumers are sitting on their money causing an economic situation. Not to mention the war, the price of fuel, etc. We are all facing tough times and I do not see it getting better until our new president is sworn in and has the trust of this nation. I am praying for you. I agree with the others about protecting your father, he was only trying to help you. But unless your income becomes substantial in the next few months, you are still facing a large mortgage that doesn't fit into your budget right now. Foreclosure is NOT the worst thing that can happen to you. Georgia is leading the nation in forclosures right now, we are seeing it every day.

blessing and Peace to you and your family,

Chris and 2

*My formula for living is quite simple. I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night. In between, I occupy myself as best I can. *
_Cary Grant_


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## pdbailly (Mar 21, 2008)

A live in nanny and you are complaining about losing your house. You also state in you OP that when you bought this house things were going well later you state that the reason your credit was bad to begin with was because things were not going well. Make up your mind which is it!!!!!

You and your husband do need help and hopefully you will take responsiblilty for your actions and spending habits.

It really irritates me when people try to live this far beyond their means and then complain when they finally get caught up in it all. 

I normally just read these post but this one. I can't help myself.


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## sophie (Jul 9, 2006)

I wish you the best and like Steve said, please look into Al-Anon for yourself even if your husband won't go to a Gambler's Anonymous group you need to get into a group yourself if not individual counseling as I believe we suggested to you in previous posts.

You've stated that you have children whom I am assuming are young. Please do whatever it is that you need to do to ensure that your children are able to grow up and be happy and well adjusted adults - this is much more important than hanging onto a house that is costing you $6,000 a month. And, having a parent with any type of addiction problems is no way for your children to start out in life and just hope they adjust and be happy. That's a bet I wouldn't take. I have a feeling you are going to need to spend some of that money in the future on more important things for your kids than an expensive house that is obviously not making you happy. It's time to get your head out of the sand!!! That's all I'm going to say.


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## gatiger40 (Jun 7, 2007)

Maybe if you cut out all the unnecessary expenses, i.e. the live in nanny ect..., you would have more money to go toward the house. I have a full time job,3 kids, 2 malteses and a cat and I manage without a nanny( not that I wouldn't love to have one) a maid, cook and chauffeur. The place to start is looking at all the luxuries you have and seeing if they are really necessary. You stated your parents live with you, why can't they watch the kids while you and your husband are at work. There are solutions, but it will involve a lot of sacrifices.


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## Carla (Aug 30, 2005)

First of all, I am sorry you are going through a difficult time right now. Having said that, I believe these things happen for a reason. I am not saying that this is happening because a tornado struck your home. This is happening because of the financial decisions you and your husband made. The best thing you can do is go to a reputable credit counselor (nonprofit). Get rid of the nanny, have your parents watch your kids, sell everything except necessities, and live as simply as possible.

Hopefully with a few tears and a lot of hard work you will be able to turn this situation around.

Carla & Shotzi


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## geslabon (Mar 3, 2008)

I guess you guys are right, I should have not post this here but I have read more personal issues here than mine and had a very intelligent advice from the past. My situation is very complicated and it's very hard to explain esp. if you never experience how Foreclosure works.

YES each of us makes 6 digits and YES we had one week before losing the house or an option to keep it. We are not teenagers but we are both young and financially stupid in our 30's. We are not doctors or anything like that.. if you guys are familiar with independent contractors in Information Technology department then you will know that the 6 digits is a year is TRUE not a LIE. 

I don't want this tread to focus on how much we make and I feel like I have to prove it in order to get my point. Please don't get me wrong. I don't really need any harsh words right now. Thanks for all your advice, most of it hurts but it was my fault and I asked for it.

I should have explain it better instead of being so detail. 

I think I owe it to you guys just to give you an update... Since there's 3 people on the loan we are able to file for Chapter 13 again and we are able to save the house for the second time. Our monthly rate is higher than what I have stated here before because of Chapter 13 being added on top of the mortgage. Even our lawyer is going crazy because of the mortgage amount that we are paying but according to the lawyer that there is a new law that you can sue your broker etc.. it was mention here as well. I don't know the detail yet but this is our hope to maybe less our monthly and the interest rate. 

Please I would appreciate some positive thoughts right now... and I apologize for the confusion.


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## I found nemo (Feb 23, 2006)

> I guess you guys are right, I should have not post this here but I have read more personal issues here than mine and had a very intelligent advice from the past. My situation is very complicated and it's very hard to explain esp. if you never experience how Foreclosure works.
> 
> YES each of us makes 6 digits and YES we had one week before losing the house or an option to keep it. We are not teenagers but we are both young and financially stupid in our 30's. We are not doctors or anything like that.. if you guys are familiar with independent contractors in Information Technology department then you will know that the 6 digits is a year is TRUE not a LIE.
> 
> ...


I am sending positive thoughts to you and your family..
Please know that :grouphug: I wish you nothing but the best!


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## Max & Rocky (May 20, 2004)

> I guess you guys are right, I should have not post this here but I have read more personal issues here than mine and had a very intelligent advice from the past. [/B]


I apologize if I sounded harsh in my comments to you but the point I really do want to stress is that your posting here and asking for advice or support should in no way substitute for your getting the right kind of professional help.

I do not know the entire story and I certainly will never claim to understand just what is occurring. However, I have read posts from you that indicated to me that you have some serious marriage issues, now I have heard about your husbands gambling problems, I have read that you have 4 kids, and you are at risk of loosing your home. Then I see you make a comment to the effect that your husband has gotten over his gambling problem now for two weeks... That makes is very clear to me that you really have no idea of what you are dealing with... which is putting me in a very difficult situation.

Whatever your exact situation is, it is a lot for anyone to handle and I for one, would feel a lot better about having this insight into your life if I were 100% confident that you understood the gravity of all the issues facing you and that were getting the necessary professional help. Help and support from friends, family, and this forum is great, but none of us are qualified to provide the level of help and advice that you really need right now. As a moderator, I do have some responsibility here to see that the "support" we are providing is truly just "support" and is not substituting for the help which is really needed.


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## jadey (Nov 2, 2006)

im so glad to hear you saved your house again. I hope you can do something with that broker law. Good luck!


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## jazak (Feb 12, 2008)

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 :smilie_daumenpos: :smilie_daumenpos:


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## carolicious (Feb 25, 2008)

I don't think anyone tried to make you prove that you're making 6 digits.

We were just all simply confused on the contrasting statements you were making b/c you say you cannot afford the payments, and suddenly you say that you can. 

Whatever happens, I wish your family the best.


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## puppymom (Jun 13, 2005)

I'm sure you may feel you are being attacked but you did open that door when you posted this. 

It is very difficult for me to summon a great deal of sympathy for you in your current situation. Anyone who makes six figure x2 has absolutely no excuse for having "bad credit" or for defaulting on a mortgagee or any debt through Chapter 13. It simply should not be allowed. I am amazed that you would come here for sympathy. 

As someone who has always lived within my means, paid all my bills and only bought what I can afford it amazes me when people who makes tons more money than I ever will get in over their heads and expect to be bailed out through Chapter 13. Those of us who pay our bills and handle money responsibly end up paying for it thorough higher interest rates and costs. Obviously I don't know the details of your Chapter 13 filing but from what I have seen it generally means the person gets relieved of a significant amount of their debt but somehow manages to hang onto the homes and cars while the rest of us simply continue to pay what we owe. 


I realize that I sound harsh and will not apologize for that but I do hope you are able to work through your difficultiesb But mostly I hope you have learned more about fiscal responsibility through this entire process.


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## beckybc03 (Jul 6, 2006)

> I'm sure you may feel you are being attacked but you did open that door when you posted this.
> 
> It is very difficult for me to summon a great deal of sympathy for you in your current situation. Anyone who makes six figure x2 has absolutely no excuse for having "bad credit" or for defaulting on a mortgagee or any debt through Chapter 13. It simply should not be allowed. I am amazed that you would come here for sympathy.
> 
> ...


I will chime in on the Chapter 13 question. A chapter 13 for an individual (or sole proprietor) is similar to a chapter 11 (reorganization) for a business. Basically what happens is the individal works with creditors and the courts to come up with a "plan" to pay a certain amount over 3-5 years. If at the end of that time you have made all payments, any debts not accounted for in the plan are released. If the debtor does not make all payments according to the plan, the protections of bankruptcy cease to exist and the creditors can proceed to collect on the debt (good luck to them usually). If the debtor cannot complete the plan sometimes there will be a hardship discharge if all creditors got at least what they would have in a Chapter 7 liquidation. That does not seem to be the case in the OP's situation. Chapter 13 is only available for people that earn a steady wage, have less than a certain amount of debt (around 900K secured, 300K unsecured) and it usually is used by people that are about to lose their house because simply filing the case stops the foreclosure. It can be a great tool for those who are serious about getting their ducks in a row financially without having to lose their house. But I agree that it is completely frustrating that some people do not learn from their mistakes and are not financially responsible in the first place. Trust me, I'm very business minded and it irks me greatly that individuals can get away with some of the crap they pull to get out of paying their debts. Its crazy!!

I'm not really going to comment on my personal opinions about this poster's situation but I just wanted to let people know what a Chapter 13 really is. I'm a little confused by the posts because mechanically they don't make sense as to how the process would work as it relates to her dad and him filing chapter 13 as well. I think there may be a communication problem due to a language barrier.


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## geslabon (Mar 3, 2008)

Thank you... for the confusions.. I'm afraid to explain it because I might not a do a good job writhing it and creates more confusion.

I apologize if our being dummy financially is affecting other people. I am in the process of hiring a financial advisor because to be honest aside from this huge bills we should still be able to save a large amount of money but due to the past gambling issues and expensive restaurant everyday literally everyday and new toys for the 4 kids and dogs at least every week and just bought an luxury car in cash. The late payment on the mortgage was hidden from me from my husband so he can continue his gambling but this is in the past. Please do not hate me if this is our life style.. I'm sure we are not the only one but the difference with mine is I made it public.

I understand that a lot of people will be shock with my situation because you will not find or read this type of situation everyday. 

But I'm being honest and I'm not lying or asking for sympathy. I just thought that I would give this site a try since you really never know where to get an idea. Hard to say the write word in my head. and I love this site.

But here's what I learned... no more restaurant everyday.. when we go to restaurant it was only about $60-$100 the most a day. 

but when I total this a month.. I realized that it would be #3,000/Month and I woke up. I will start cooking.

Watching new release movie all the time with 6 of us total.. plus $5 for a soda...I'm still thinking about it.. kind of hard. we are a movie lovers. Maybe I will bring our own food. Hide it??

The gambling.. is done... and I know it would be hard for you guys to believe it because you don't really know. I don't blame you. But I know this is done. 

Both my parents work so I still need the nanny but find cheaper in day care. 

Our mortgage is now way bigger due to Chapter 13 but after we paid the Chapter 13 we are going back to $5,000+/Month.

Also found out something from the lawyer how we can go after our broker. Can't talk about it. 

So, here is our life... I know that it sounds very unorganized but we are learning. Please, I don't blame anyone if said some harsh words or sounded like one.. again this is my fault. I was not explaining it properly. I really truly still Thank you for taking your time to say something and that's what I asked for. Sometimes I just find it hurtful but I get over it, learn from it and move on. 

I'm only human... sometimes I wish I was a Maltese. lol! 

Thanks again to everyone and thank you for those of you who PM me and thanks for the prayers.. I believed it worked! 




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## luvmyfurbaby (Feb 11, 2007)

> But here's what I learned... no more restaurant everyday.. when we go to restaurant it was only about $60-$100 the most a day.
> 
> but when I total this a month.. I realized that it would be #3,000/Month and I woke up. I will start cooking.
> 
> ...


Believe me other people have been in your shoes well almost in your shoes. I use to eat out or order in about 3-4 a week and yes it does add up. Since I started cooking I save a good $150.00-$200.00 a week. If you really love movies try Netflixs or Blockbusters online alot cheaper than going to the movies. 

Now the gambling......from experience about an addiction.....he needs to get help believe me he can not do it by himself. My hubby is still going to meeting 11 years later he needs that support group. You don't need a relapse you cannot afford another financial setback.

Good luck!


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## I found nemo (Feb 23, 2006)

My father in law was a bad gambler.
He lost over a million dollars in the late 80's and 90's :smstarz: 
Ya know what stopped him?? A massive stroke and no use of his left side, if it wasn't for that he would still be gambling. I am sorry a person just can't stop, unless they have extremely strong will power..
Like I said all the best to you and yours.. :grouphug:


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## geslabon (Mar 3, 2008)

I'm in the second chance mode right now and trusting him again but I'm keeping an eyes on him very closely.
As of right now he only gets $5 a week allowance. I'm securing every single penny away from him. 
But seriously still considering professional help. I'm just doing it slowly but surely at this time. Thanks for the advice.


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## puppymom (Jun 13, 2005)

I do have one more comment, just a couple weeks ago you were posting about suggestions for your trip to Disneyland. If you are in this much financial difficulty you might want to consider postponing the trip. Vacations like that are best taken at a time when you can afford them. 

You need to understand that for many of us the lifestyle you lead is far above what we can afford. I have never been to Disneyland, eat out in a restaurant less than once a month, drive a 10 year old car and can't remember the last time I went on a "vacation". I have raised my children as a single parent on less than 1/8th of your income, but have never gotten "into debt". So it may be difficult for many of us to comprehend your situation with much empathy.

I do know that gambling is an illness and I am very sorry that you have to deal with this addiction in your family.


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## geslabon (Mar 3, 2008)

and I salute you for that.</span>
I'm trying to be positive right now and trying not want to dwell on the past but rather learn from it and make a better choice in the future... 

Thank you for your advice. The trip in Florida has been switch to a trip in Hershey Park 
which is going to cost me 75% less than Florida. Take care!



> I do have one more comment, just a couple weeks ago you were posting about suggestions for your trip to Disneyland. If you are in this much financial difficulty you might want to consider postponing the trip. Vacations like that are best taken at a time when you can afford them.
> 
> You need to understand that for many of us the lifestyle you lead is far above what we can afford. I have never been to Disneyland, eat out in a restaurant less than once a month, drive a 10 year old car and can't remember the last time I went on a "vacation". I have raised my children as a single parent on less than 1/8th of your income, but have never gotten "into debt". So it may be difficult for many of us to comprehend your situation with much empathy.
> 
> I do know that gambling is an illness and I am very sorry that you have to deal with this addiction in your family.[/B]


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## Max & Rocky (May 20, 2004)

> I'm in the second chance mode right now and trusting him again but I'm keeping an eyes on him very closely.
> As of right now he only gets $5 a week allowance. I'm securing every single penny away from him.
> But seriously still considering professional help. I'm just doing it slowly but surely at this time. Thanks for the advice.
> 
> [/B]


Keeping your eyes on him and limiting the money he has access to are good moves, but I have to point out to you that by doing this, you are treating only the symptoms of his "disease" and not dealing with whatever the underlying reasons for the behavior in the first place.

Quite frankly, unless the underlying reasons are dealt with, I can anticipate that you will keep your guard up like this for some period of time. Then at some point you will have yourself convinced that he can be trusted (which you are already saying) and he will again have access to money... and you will repeat this entire thing all over again.

My family has more than its share of addicts of one type or another in it and I've had to learn more about their behaviors then I ever wanted to learn... I have a second cousin now, as an example, with a serious drinking problem... and his immediate family is as much part of the problem as he is and I can not tell you how many times in the past years we have sat and listened to other family members make excuses and tell us EXACTLY the same sort of things you are now telling us. I wish I knew the key here to get you to understand.

One more question that I would like to ask... I am guessing that you are not a native born American? Is that right?


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## geslabon (Mar 3, 2008)

I was not born here in US. May I ask why? is it my English... I'm sorry. :biggrin: 
Thanks for the advice... it's scary. 



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## llf060787 (Nov 19, 2007)

My advise would be to first get rid of the live in nanny. With a set of grandparents who live in your home for free I'm sure they can take care of the kids, its the least the can do. Also, I'm not sure if you stated whether or not your parents sold their house, if they did, maybe they should help our with expenses at yours. If they didn't and have it rented for income, its only fair that they share some expeses at your house as well.

I think you need to cut as much of your family's expenses as possible; take a car off the road if you can take public transportation - sell it if you have to. Get help for your husband. I know someone who lost their home and ended up in a shelter because of the husband's gambling - she had put up with it for so long that friends and family no longer had sympathy for her and refused her shelter.

I have a friend of mine who lives in a rather expensive house that she could afford with a home business of her own and her husband that had a very good job. When the husband left her she was left without his income and a large mortgage to pay. She had a finished basement. She had a contractor add an additional entrance to the back of the house and has since rented that finished basement out for $1,600 a month (with utilities). A few years ago she also took in an elderly couple that had recently sold their home and were not sure whether to purchase another home or move to florida. They lived with her in the house and were given, one bedroom, one bath and the formal living room as theirs - they had to share the kitchen though. These people paid her $1,200 a month and stayed for almost 2 years. I guess you do what yo u have to. 

You also need to cut expenses as much as possible - spend money only when its absolutely necessary and eating out at this point should be positively out of the questions along with any other recreational activity that isn't free. I think you need to cut as much of your family's expenses as possible; take a car off the road if you can take public transportation - sell it if you have to. Get help for your husband. I know someone who lost their home and ended up in a shelter because of the husband's gambling - she had put up with it for so long that friends and family no longer had sympathy for her and refused her shelter.


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## Max & Rocky (May 20, 2004)

> I was not born here in US. May I ask why? is it my English... I'm sorry. :biggrin:
> Thanks for the advice... it's scary.[/B]


No, I'm sorry. 
Your English is 98% of the way there... and I did not mean to make you feel bad for it. 
I can say you have done a FAR better learning English then I would have, if I had to learn 
a new language.

I think some of what has confused myself and probably others with respect to your posts 
and your overall situation has to do with cultural differences and things we learned (or did 
not learn) while growing up.

For example...I think most of us had low paying jobs at some point while in high school (or before)
and we learned basic money management. It appears that you did not and as a result, you are learning
it now the hard way.


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## geslabon (Mar 3, 2008)

You know what I think this is a very good point... back home it's different from here and we are use to leaving in luxury. Now that we have our own family and leaving here in US.. we are JUST learning the hard way. 

I have noticed that before when my neighbor ask me why do we go to Chucky Cheese everyday.. and I really did not get what she meant by it... I guess she notice that we spend too much.. I don't use this as an excuse for being stupid in our financial situation.. but huh! it's hard to learn this way... :smpullhair: but I know it will pay in a long run. Thanks! 





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## charmypoo (Sep 11, 2004)

I wish you the best of luck. I think many of us like to live lavishly but we have to restrain and control ourselves. I can't give up the fancy restaurants (I love good food) and going out and vacations and fancy shoes/bags (oops did I just admit that in public). But I don't need a huge fancy house at the moment ... so I chose a modest home in order to keep up with my lifestyle. Once I have kids, I will have to give up some of those extra things ... we all need to balance our priorities. Good luck and I look forward to hearing good news on the forum!


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## geslabon (Mar 3, 2008)

You sound just like me with a huge mortgage on top of it... and kids.
Tired to slow down before when started having kids but yes it did stop me from buying expensive stuff for my self but I ended up buying expensive stuff for the kids plus toys.. Thanks for your positive thoughts..



> I wish you the best of luck. I think many of us like to live lavishly but we have to restrain and control ourselves. I can't give up the fancy restaurants (I love good food) and going out and vacations and fancy shoes/bags (oops did I just admit that in public). But I don't need a huge fancy house at the moment ... so I chose a modest home in order to keep up with my lifestyle. Once I have kids, I will have to give up some of those extra things ... we all need to balance our priorities. Good luck and I look forward to hearing good news on the forum![/B]


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## 2maltese4me (May 8, 2006)

I think you are learning a valuable lesson, _the hard way_!!


I hope things improve for you soon, and I hope you are never in this position again.


BTW-$5000, and 12% interest. The thought alone gives me anxiety!!!


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## binniebee (Sep 27, 2007)

> My father in law was a bad gambler.
> He lost over a million dollars in the late 80's and 90's :smstarz:
> Ya know what stopped him?? A massive stroke and no use of his left side, if it wasn't for that he would still be gambling. I am sorry a person just can't stop, unless they have extremely strong will power..
> Like I said all the best to you and yours.. :grouphug:[/B]


My grandfather was a terrible alcoholic and chain smoker. Know what stopped him? A massive stroke that kept him from driving to the store to buy cigarettes and whiskey (and a strong, able-bodied wife/my grandmother who was a tee-totaler!) Sometimes it is only these things that stop the addicts.

I also want to add that I left my ex-husband who was not only a gambleholic but an alcoholic from fear (of bodily harm/death of me; he was also abusive) and fear of having to take care of a hateful, selfish jerk when/if/after HE had a massive stroke or heart attack. It just looks bad on YOU when you leave them after something like that happens to THEM. So I left prior to the health disabilities. 

Cyndi


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## binniebee (Sep 27, 2007)

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My Ex with the drinking/gambling addictions confided in me one time (early on in the relationship, before we had married and had a joint checking account) that he kept at least $1,000 stuck away somewhere in his vehicle (under license plate? Inside hidden key thing? Don't
remember) but that told me that he was hoarding and hiding his gambling money from his ex-wife when they were married. So, I am sure that he did the same thing with me. Now, considering that this ex of mine (back in the late '80's early '90's) earned only $50,000+ a year and could afford to do that AND pay our bills...just how much could YOUR spouse be hoarding and hiding in cash?

Just a thought that you might want to look into.

I do wish you a lot of luck and hope the best for you, your parents and your children. Sorry I can't hope better for your hubby but he sounds too freaking familiar to a hellian I lived with for 10 years.

*hugs*
Cyndi


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