# Help-I need advice



## cindy6755 (Mar 20, 2005)

<span style="color:#0000ff">One of my fosters was adopted last weekend by a very nice lady. Well a few hours after they got home she said Tasha was having a hard time adjusting, I told her it takes around 2 weeks for them to get adjusted. She said Tasha was barking and running from the front door to the back door and she was whining and crying. The lady said she thought she just wanted to go out but when they went out Tasha wanted to get in the car. Later Tasha won't eat and all night long she barked. Anyway the lady said Tasha was to attached to me and wanted to return her. So I drove 2 1/2 hours and got her. I feel like its my fault because I babied Tasha so much (but I baby all my dogs). Tasha likes to be held all the time and will bark when she wants to be pick up. So I guess I spoiled her to much and now I don't know if she can ever be adopted. I already have 4 of my own and I really need to find a good home for her but I hate to see her so upset.







She is easy to baby because she is so tiny and sweet and she is deaf.</span>


----------



## luvmyfurbaby (Feb 11, 2007)

Awww don't you have room for one more??  KCee use to whine all the time if I disappeared from his line of view and I mean whine!! It took him about 2 weeks to get over it now he roams around the house on his own and sometimes I find him laying on his bed in the livingroom by himself. He still whines for 2 minutes when I leave the house and don't take him at least that's what my kids say. She will adjust she is just a special needs baby and you need to find someone who will take the time to bond with her for more than a hour.


----------



## k/c mom (Oct 9, 2004)

It sounds like she was placed in the wrong home. Anyone who thinks a rescue is going to adjust instantly is just not very realistic. It seems like she needs a home in which there is experience with Maltese, as they are just so unique!!! I hope everything works out but I'm really glad that she is out of that home, as it doesn't sound very loving to me. Bless you for going to get her so quickly.


----------



## dogloverx3 (Apr 14, 2006)

Don't ask me , I was a TERRIBLE foster mother - with my first ( and only foster attempt ) , I called the rescue on the way home with my credit card details . Sarah and Teddy FAILED foster child


----------



## mss (Mar 1, 2006)

Being loved is not being "spoiled"! I don't know Tasha's history, but if people didn't treat her well before you got her, then she may be understandably afraid that she won't be treated well by anybody else.

Maybe you can find someone who lives closer to you, and you could try the transition more gradually - For example, have the person get to know her in your home, visit a few times, take some walks with her, so she gets to know and like her before she actually goes home. And if she is used to a special bed or crate, could you send that along?

Or in the meantime, try socializing her more with people outside of your immediate household.


----------



## cindy6755 (Mar 20, 2005)

I won't let her be adopted more than 50 miles from me, so I can be close by. Tasha was a stray in Miami and ended up in MDAS. She was not cared for by her former owners, she had rotten teeth, fatty tumors and hernias from a botched spay job long ago, she was under weight and very thin hair. She is around 10 years old has had surgery for her teeth and tumors/hernias and her hair is starting to grow back in, all her blood work was normal. Her favorite bed is mine! LOL


----------



## CeeCee's Mom (Sep 14, 2006)

Don't you dare say you have failed......You sound like the most wonderful dog owner in the whole world!!! The lady who adopted the baby only gave it an hour......how crazy is that. Don't worry, you will find someone and yes, closer to home would be better for you. Thank you for doing such a super job with this little one that needs lots of attention!!!!


----------



## cindy6755 (Mar 20, 2005)

QUOTE (CeeCee's Mom @ Nov 2 2008, 06:06 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=662858


> Don't you dare say you have failed......You sound like the most wonderful dog owner in the whole world!!! The lady who adopted the baby only gave it an hour......how crazy is that. Don't worry, you will find someone and yes, closer to home would be better for you. Thank you for doing such a super job with this little one that needs lots of attention!!!![/B]


Thankyou, I try to be the best Mommy I can be to them, the fosters crave attention and love


----------



## Ladysmom (Oct 19, 2004)

QUOTE (K/C Mom @ Nov 2 2008, 05:16 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=662823


> It sounds like she was placed in the wrong home. Anyone who thinks a rescue is going to adjust instantly is just not very realistic. It seems like she needs a home in which there is experience with Maltese, as they are just so unique!!! I hope everything works out but I'm really glad that she is out of that home, as it doesn't sound very loving to me. Bless you for going to get her so quickly.[/B]


I agree. I think too many people think adopting an adult is easier than adopting a puppy when it is actually the opposite IMO. There is a period of transition that can last quite awhile while you are getting used to one another. I think Tasha was understandably upset and confused, but she wasn't given the chance to adjust to her new surroundings.

I'm sure her forever home is out there!


----------



## theboyz (Jan 10, 2007)

OMG, you didn't fail!!!! 
Having just gone through this with Powder, we realize the complexities of fostering and finding the right forever home.
To begin with Tasha is 10 years and has lots of baggage. You gave her love and wonderful care which she wasn't used to. Her new Mom should have done that also. SHE should have gotten down on the floor and comforted her, held her, praised her.
It is the soft reassuring talk and strokes, cuddles of comfort that a rescue needs. YOU DID that, not her new Mom, her new Mom failed her!!!!
Have your next prospect come for visits, sit on the floor and talk to Tasha. You will know if it is the right match.

You are the angel and we will gladly help with any questions or support, anytime.....pm us and we are there for you.

( Powder's new Mom even called yesterday to tell us about his first night with them. We feel good and you will too as there are absolutely wonderful forever Parents out there! )

Bob and Marsha


----------



## k9Cracker (Feb 22, 2006)

I agree that this person wasn't really the right home for Tasha. I can understand a transition period, but that is a little excessive. 

However, you cannot set her up for failure. Stop babying her and treat her like a dog. She isn't allowed to tell you when she wants to be held, humans decide that. I know it is really hard not to treat them like your little kids, but that isn't what they are. She will be much happier if she is allowed to be a dog and it will be an easier transition for her.


----------



## The A Team (Dec 1, 2005)

HA! I truly believe if anyone else had adopted my Tinker, he would have been returned immediately!!! :yes: After almost two years, I'm still the only one who can touch him.... :wacko1: 

It takes time, rescues have issues, some more than others. The only family that can adopt this malt needs to be either experienced or educated on what to expect.

Good luck. It'll happen when the time is right...


----------



## 08chrissy08 (Sep 19, 2008)

2 Hours?! Yeah that lady sucked. The poor pup needs someone that's going to give her lots of time to adjust and lots of love and attention and who's going to make her feel secure again. You did NOT fail. That other woman did.


----------



## momtoboo (Jan 30, 2006)

QUOTE (08chrissy08 @ Nov 3 2008, 03:21 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=663383


> 2 Hours?! Yeah that lady sucked. The poor pup needs someone that's going to give her lots of time to adjust and lots of love and attention and who's going to make her feel secure again. You did NOT fail. That other woman did.[/B]


My sentiments exactly. Most any dog is going to need time to adjust to a new home & new people. That woman doesn't have a clue. Maybe she mean't well, but she apparently just wasn't willing to put any effort into making the adoption work.She failed, not you. Poor Tasha, hope she's doing ok now.


----------



## mimi2 (Mar 29, 2005)

Don't feel bad! You have given this baby more love than she's probably ever had in her life.....the good news is when you find her another better furever home you can tell them that it's going to take a few weeks for her to adjust and that holding her a lot will help! You are NOT a failure. I have been thinking about fostering but I have a problem with loss and change - and once they got here I don't think I'd be able to let them go....... :bysmilie:


----------



## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

you got to be kidding, my gosh we have had B&B since Aug and she has finally adjusted to most things. She still is standoffish so we let her make the first moves. A older rescue is hard. I had no idea how hard, but if you love them and constantly take time with them they come around. I really think for me I would have liked a baby with less issues, but I have commited myself to B&B and we will adjust to her


----------



## lillykins (Oct 15, 2007)

QUOTE (Matilda's Mommy @ Nov 3 2008, 07:18 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=663435


> you got to be kidding, my gosh we have had B&B since Aug and she has finally adjusted to most things. She still is standoffish so we let her make the first moves. A older rescue is hard. I had no idea how hard, but if you love them and constantly take time with them they come around. I really think for me I would have liked a baby with less issues, but I have commited myself to B&B and we will adjust to her[/B]


Bless you. I think you're an angel.


----------



## SueC (May 23, 2007)

I think the hardest part of helping a mistreated person or animal is to help them reclaim their feeling that they deserve to be loved.
IMO, sometimes that includes holding them on their terms-whenever they have the "nerve" to ask for it. I don't think it something you need to withhold from them to prepare them for a home where they won't get "babied". 

You have obviously taught her to expect love and attention- :hugging: :you rock:


----------



## cindy6755 (Mar 20, 2005)

QUOTE (theboyz @ Nov 3 2008, 05:36 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=663151


> OMG, you didn't fail!!!!
> Having just gone through this with Powder, we realize the complexities of fostering and finding the right forever home.
> To begin with Tasha is 10 years and has lots of baggage. You gave her love and wonderful care which she wasn't used to. Her new Mom should have done that also. SHE should have gotten down on the floor and comforted her, held her, praised her.
> It is the soft reassuring talk and strokes, cuddles of comfort that a rescue needs. YOU DID that, not her new Mom, her new Mom failed her!!!!
> ...


We do vet checks, home visits, talk to them to try and get to know them. I thought it would be great home because she use to foster Great Danes, so i figuared she would understand the issues. Oh well, one bad placement in 18 months of fostering and 22 successful placements is pretty good, and i still keep in touch with everyone.


----------



## Deborah (Jan 8, 2006)

I would think that being deaf she barked to feel where she was. Deaf children will often go into restrooms and scream they like the vibrations. Going from door to door sounds to me like she was getting use to the lay of the land.


----------



## Dixie's Mama (Mar 19, 2008)

QUOTE (maltesemom3 @ Nov 3 2008, 10:07 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=663567


> I think the hardest part of helping a mistreated person or animal is to help them reclaim their feeling that they deserve to be loved.
> IMO, sometimes that includes holding them on their terms-whenever they have the "nerve" to ask for it. I don't think it something you need to withhold from them to prepare them for a home where they won't get "babied".
> 
> You have obviously taught her to expect love and attention- :hugging: :you rock:[/B]


I'll second that. Anyone who can keep from "babying" a little Malt, especially when they have been mistreated, is a far stronger person than I am. It's love and special treatment they need to heal, IMO.


----------



## k9Cracker (Feb 22, 2006)

I still disagree. You asked for advice and this is what I have. You are being unfair to her. You would not treat your baby like a dog would you? So why is it okay the other way around. By treating her any other way is disrespectful to her and in doing so you are preventing her from reaching mental stability. You are being selfish to think that she wants you to treat her in this manner. She went from a neglectful home, to the other extreme and she still has yet been given the chance to become 'content' and happy. 

Spoiling your dog and babying it are two different things. Rugby is plenty spoiled, but he is also allowed to be a dog! Life is much less stressful and anxiety filled when you respect them enough to treat them appropriately.
Rugby wants to be with me because of precisesly that reason....he WANTS it. She wants to be with you because you have created this unhealthy dependency in her. Coddling dogs does not fix problems. They feel safe when the human becomes the leader and they don't have to worry about things any more. When you establish a TRUST between you and the dog. Picking her up everytime she demands it is not healthy. You will never be able to have her stand confidently beside you and not have to worry about anything if you continue in this way. 

It is going to take an educated person to adopt her and fix these problems that you have encouraged in her, and those people are hard to come by. I think these past people didn't realise she had all these problems and were too lazy to work with her and give her a chance. A better home will come, but you can most definetely make it an easier transition by having her act like a dog and not a baby.  Good Luck.


----------



## theboyz (Jan 10, 2007)

K9Cracker, I have to disagree with you. After working with Powder we saw that it took treating him like a baby and showing him he could trust people. He came to expect love and attention. He would come to us for pets and tummy rubs and believe me when he asked....he got! All of this helped with socialization. We lived it and saw it. Saw him go to his new mom and show her his tummy when she was here for a visit. That was a huge move on his part. I am sure if the new mom didn't know how to deal with a rescue and blew all of our hard work, we would have gotten him back as well. Tons of TLC at first ( can't over do the amount ) and much later when they are sure you are OK, you can set some boundaries. 
We do have a deaf Malt and he has taught us how he needs attention and love. Just a different set of problems added to her rescue.
example.....Powder started to run and push our older Malt around. I told him "NO" in a very stern voice several times and each time (twice) he would run to his crate and face the wall. I would go, get him out after a few minutes and tell him what a brave and handsome boy he was and show him I still loved him. When Jack (older Malt) was around him, I would say "just leave it Powder" and he would walk away. Not afraid of me but wanting to please.
I do not believe that it was any fault other than the new mom. 
Years of scars to heal and needs to be a slow, calm, loving situation. They came from crazy people and need to as far away from that situation as can be even if it is over-kill at first. 

Just my opinion.


----------



## k9Cracker (Feb 22, 2006)

I think we have different opinons on what is really a happy dog. Mandi was very very timid at first too. When we picked her up at the 'breeders' she ran behind the couch. I have seen scared dogs be worked with the right way and it does work. The difference is that you are teaching your dogs to cope with the fear by clinging to you and human affection. The dog I have worked with and seen worked learn to get over it and move on to much better things in life. Unfortunetely, I think her past will always define this poor maltese girl, and it does not have to be this way.


----------



## k9Cracker (Feb 22, 2006)

And i just want to add that I am not saying there is no place for affection. There is, but it has to be at the right time and the right time is NOT when they demand it and it is NOT when they are scared.


----------



## vjw (Dec 20, 2006)

When I first read the original posters' first post. I thought it sounded like Tasha was experiencing some typical separation anxiety that a dog sometimes experiences when it goes to a new home. It is fairly normal for a "normal" dog who has been separated from their social group/pack to have some separation anxiety and to need some time to adapt to their new surroundings and owner. Then when read the post about Tasha's history and her age, I thought there may be some other reasons for her behavior. 

Those of you who are arguing that being overly indulgent and overly coddling with your dog are exactly correct also. It is our jobs as pet owners to balance out love and attention alongside leadership to assist our dogs to be as independent and healthy mentally as possible. For instance, if you sit and hold a puppy (especially during the critical/sensitive period) ALL the time you are home, you are definitely setting up the puppy for separation anxiety. 

However, there are other reasons for separation anxiety besides being overly attentive to a dog. Some of it is thought to be hereditary. Those of us who have had multiple dogs know that dogs are born with their own temperaments. Some tend to be innately more anxious and fearful than others, and we have to handle them with kid gloves so to speak. 

A good dog owner will take into consideration the temperament of a dog/puppy and use training/handling methods appropriate for each dog. You can't treat/train all dogs the same. Karli was one who was more domineering and high strung and I had to take every opportunity I could to ratchet down the bravado with her. With the exception of getting a little hyper in new situations, she's leveled out temperament wise and is a total sweetheart.

Just from what little I've read about Tasha though, I would suspect she would be a dog who needs a little extra time, patience, and TLC for her to adapt to a new home. She's had a sad history and her social bonds were disrupted once again with this latest placement into a new environment. 

Tasha is 10 years old and it is my personal opinion that senior dogs don't learn nor adapt as quickly as a younger dog. Further, I have read that senior dogs may acquire separation anxiety when they have the slightest medical condition. With her age, it's possible that Tasha could have something like arthritis which would make her more clingy or it could be that her deafness caused her to be overly attached to her owners. 

With all this in mind I can completely understand why little Tasha was distressed in her new environment. I hope Tasha finds a caring, loving home.







Joy


----------



## Dixie's Mama (Mar 19, 2008)

QUOTE (vjw @ Nov 4 2008, 11:10 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=663858


> When I first read the original posters' first post. I thought it sounded like Tasha was experiencing some typical separation anxiety that a dog sometimes experiences when it goes to a new home. It is fairly normal for a "normal" dog who has been separated from their social group/pack to have some separation anxiety and to need some time to adapt to their new surroundings and owner. Then when I the post where I read about Tasha's history and her age, I thought there may be some other reasons for her behavior.
> 
> Those of you who are arguing that being overly indulgent and overly coddling with your dog are exactly correct also. It is our jobs as pet owners to balance out love and attention alongside leadership to assist our dogs to be as independent and healthy mentally as possible. For instance, if you sit and hold a puppy (especially during the critical/sensitive period) ALL the time you are home, you are definitely setting up the puppy for separation anxiety.
> 
> ...


 :goodpost:


----------



## cindy6755 (Mar 20, 2005)

Thank you for all the help and opinions. I try to do the best for each of my dogs and fosters I have 4 of my own and 3 fosters right now each with their own personality and needs. Tasha came to my home from Miami-Dade Animal Services and she had just had major surgery to remove tumors and fix hernias. She was scared and not feeling well, she needed lots of TLC. I was the first person to show her love and affection in very long time. She has adjusted well here and gets along with the rest of her brothers and sisters. When she needs attention she comes to me and barks and she gets picked up. All of the dogs have their own way of asking for attention, some just jump up on my lap, some bark and then turn so I can pick them up, some take their paw and tap my leg and some will bark. They all know I am the pack leader and they all know what is expected of them-they must be sitting and quiet before they are served their dinner, they all come when called, I use hand signals with Tasha and Littleman who is also deaf. etc. I think it was just a bad match and the person didn't know how to handle Tashas anxiety. Whoever adopts Tasha will live close by me and will come over my house a few times so Tasha can get use to them and I can make sure its a good match. Any way they are all asleep in my bed except for Littleman who likes his crate and Katey who likes to sleep in her bed so I quess I will join them.
Cindy


----------



## TheButtercup (Mar 3, 2005)

stop. you did NOT fail fostering. but heck, even if you did, you're in great company... calling...Deb? LOL remember the post she wrote about the homecheck coming back okay for "Daisy's adoptive family"? and it was her OWN home?? LOL cracked me up for days. 
my own parents, like Sarah, failed Fostering 101 on the first try. "sure, we have a big home with a huge yard... let's foster a greyhound..." and on the way home, they knew "yeah, she's not going anywhere... she's ours..." 

it happens  you're still a great dog mom and foster mom


----------



## 08chrissy08 (Sep 19, 2008)

QUOTE


> stop. you did NOT fail fostering. but heck, even if you did, you're in great company... calling...Deb? LOL remember the post she wrote about the homecheck coming back okay for "Daisy's adoptive family"? and it was her OWN home?? LOL cracked me up for days.
> my own parents, like Sarah, failed Fostering 101 on the first try. "sure, we have a big home with a huge yard... let's foster a greyhound..." and on the way home, they knew "yeah, she's not going anywhere... she's ours..."[/B]


I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that would be my biggest problem fostering. I really admire those of you that foster and can do so. It really takes a strong person to let go like you all have to. I couldn't do it, I would keep every single one. Those of you that foster have my utmost respect for doing what you do. You take in these poor babies, love them and help them and then let them go to new homes. Bless you all for what you do!


----------

