# Telling a breeder a puppy isn't "the one"



## afine (Feb 25, 2011)

This may be a strange question but..

One of the breeders whose dogs I am most enamored with sent me a picture of a puppy today. He is very close to what I am looking for, but I didn't fall instantly in love like I wanted to. 

I'm worried that by telling this breeder I am uninterested, she isn't going to help me find my darling puppy.

What I would like is for her to update me about future litters, but I don't want to seem rude, or in any way imply that there is something wrong with this puppy.

I still really want one of her pups, just not this one.

Is it wrong to be picky? This is a huge commitment, I should be honest, right? 

Any advice?


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## bellaratamaltese (May 24, 2006)

Not all breeders take great pics  

It's not wrong to be picky. If you don't like a puppy because you are looking for a smaller muzzle or bigger eyes or smaller size - just communicate that. Either the breeder will appreciate that or she/he wont' and I would just go from there.


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## missiek (Jan 2, 2010)

Yes you should be honest. It won't be good for you or the puppy if you take him/her when you aren't feeling that special connection.

As a first time "breeder" I am truly dedicated to finding my puppy the right home. And if I feel that person isn't the perfect family for my puppy I wouldn't allow them to adopt. And if the potential adoptee family isn't feeling that one of my pups isn't right for them, I would definitely want them to say something to me. My puppy's health, happiness, and well being is of ultimate importance. I brought them into this world so I need to step up and give them the best home.

So, in essence, yes, tell your breeder the truth!


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## Tina (Aug 6, 2006)

Be up front with them. I've been where you are at. You know what you want and you shouldn't settle for what is.


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## pammy4501 (Aug 8, 2007)

Is there any chance you can see the puppy in person? As Stacy has said, often pictures can't capture the absolute darlingness (is that a word?) of a puppy. Maybe if you could see the pup in person you would really know if you click or don't click. Sometimes that chemistry is just so much more than just a picture.


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## Ella & Sebby's Mommy (Mar 2, 2011)

I had this problem when I initially began to look for my first-born, Ella. I actually put a deposit down, and ended up having to get it returned because I moved to a different breeder. At first, I could tell that the first breeder was upset, but in the end I am so glad I went with my gut and switched. I can't imagine not having these two babies!


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## myfairlacy (Dec 28, 2007)

Pictures sometimes do not do a puppy justice.... I know when London's breeder first sent me photos of her, I wasn't real crazy about her face. But she told me the lighting wasn't good and her muzzle had gotten wet from eyes tearing and drinking..and anyway, it just wasn't a flattering photo. A couple days later she sent me some candid shots she had gotten and she looked so much cuter! But no picture I saw of her did her justice once I saw her in person. She was so much prettier in person I thought. 

So just food for thought...maybe ask to see some more photos or try to see the puppy in person if you are nearby. I'm glad I trusted London's breeder with her description and fortunately got to see her in person about a month before I actually brought her home.


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## CeeCee's Mom (Sep 14, 2006)

When I got CeeCee, I turned down another puppy that she sent me a picture of. I think they appreciate honesty. A good breeder will want you satisfied with the puppy you take home. I was then on a waiting list and she called me a lot sooner than expected. So please do not take one you are not sure of.........:wub:


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## CloudClan (Jan 31, 2007)

Honestly, it can be very difficult to tell from pictures what you are seeing I have found. Some breeders take FANTASTIC pictures and the puppies in person are cute (aren't they all?) but not the perfect magazine shot that they seemed in the photos. Other breeders are PLAIN AWFUL at taking pictures. Frankly, puppy pictures are also not the best way you can really judge what the grown up dog will look like. I would look at pictures of the parents for that. Or even better look at the actual parents in person whenever possible. 

Now, as others have said you do want to be clear with the breed what you are hoping for, but at the same time you want to keep your expectations realistic. There is no doubt that many show breeders are less interested in working with buyers who focus on features that are not part of the Maltese standard. They breed to the standard and so people who want something that seems to be contradictory to that standard or unimportant to it might have them assuming you are not looking for something they will be able to offer since it is not what they are working hard to produce. Also, another type of unrealistic might include those people call up and ask for a dog that meets the standard in every way. If the breeder ever produced this illusive dog, the perfect Maltese, they would no doubt be keeping the dog for their breeding program and not placing him/her as a pet. 

My advice would be to try to consider what is most important to you. You will be looking at the dog for the next 15+ years hopefully. But at the same time, consider that these are living creatures and the breeder is not manufacturing them as in a factory. So keep your expectations realistic. 

Also, be sure that when you are talking about how the dog appears, you are also asking the breeder questions about the temperament and if that would be a good fit for you. Questions regarding health and temperament show that you care how the dog will fit into your life. They show the breeder that this will become a LOVED member of your family.


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## missiek (Jan 2, 2010)

Awesome post Carina!


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## afine (Feb 25, 2011)

*Thanks for the advice!*

You all have made me feel so much better. I was really stressing out about this phone call. I read your posts before I made the call. I was planning on asking for pictures of him from a few different angles. 

I would love to see the puppy in person, especially because temperament is even more important to me than appearance, but it just wont be possible.

I am not going to settle, but it is hard when the puppy could be mine tomorrow, instead of waiting for months. He really is a sweetheart almost perfect, except for one thing.

The one thing that was concerning me was that I thought I saw the slightest bit of an underbite, something I have never liked in any dog. 

Carina your post was very helpful in reassuring what I was telling myself all afternoon.

I called the breeder and asked about the underbite, she confirmed that yes, that was exactly what made him pet quality instead of show, other than that he is perfect. I told her I was very sorry but he just wasn't going to be the puppy for me and I hoped she would still keep me in mind about future puppies. 

She was so nice! Totally understanding and said I am making a huge commitment and if I don't get the butterflies over a pup it isn't the right one. She said she would do her best to find the the "right" pup for me. 

She knows I am not looking for any thing specific other than a sweet temperament (I would like to do DELTA therapy dog training) , and that there are a few physical qualities I don't want, such as an underbite or a dog that is over the standard weight wise. I think this is pretty realistic.

I am so pleased with her response. I feel SO much better. Thanks everyone!


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## CloudClan (Jan 31, 2007)

afine said:


> You all have made me feel so much better. I was really stressing out about this phone call. I read your posts before I made the call. I was planning on asking for pictures of him from a few different angles.
> 
> I would love to see the puppy in person, especially because temperament is even more important to me than appearance, but it just wont be possible.
> 
> ...


I am sooooo glad to hear that your conversation with the breeder went well. I agree it sounds like your requirements are realistic. 

I have done pet therapy with my girl Cameo (@ the bridge now). It was a great experience. Now that Cadie has finished her show career I hope to be able to get involved with that again. I think she would be a good candidate.


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## afine (Feb 25, 2011)

Do you think malts are a good breed for this sort of thing? I hope so, that is part of the reason I have chosen this breed. The other reason is that the canine love of my life was a Bichon and I have heard the temperaments are similar. 

I bet Cadie would make a great therapy dog! I would certainly want snuggles from her =]


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## CloudClan (Jan 31, 2007)

afine said:


> Do you think malts are a good breed for this sort of thing? I hope so, that is part of the reason I have chosen this breed. The other reason is that the canine love of my life was a Bichon and I have heard the temperaments are similar.
> 
> I bet Cadie would make a great therapy dog! I would certainly want snuggles from her =]


Yes, I think they are wonderful therapy dogs. Cameo was super tiny and so there were certain visits or certain patients at facilities that were not a good fit, but the important thing is to always be sure that you keep control of the situation and make appropriate choices of the type of visits you do and the individuals you interact with. I was fortunate to work with a group that had experience bringing Maltese and Yorkies to the facilities where I went so they helped show me how to protect my little one from some of the potential pitfalls. For instance, there were some visits that the group I was involved with did with kids who could be a bit pushy. A golden will handle that better and so they sent Goldens (and the like) to those places. At one facility I visited. Cameo was welcome in every room, but there was an older patient who did not speak English, I was told to be careful of her as she tended to be a bit too quick to grab and hang on. So Cameo said hello from a bit of a distance in that particular room. 

Both of my girls could do therapy work. I think Cadie would like it the most of the two though. Cacia can be a bit more "aloof" with new people. Cadeau on the other hand is too much of a wild child. He would not be calm in the face of some of the things that might happen. So I won't try to ask it of him.


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

afine said:


> You all have made me feel so much better. I was really stressing out about this phone call. I read your posts before I made the call. I was planning on asking for pictures of him from a few different angles.
> 
> I would love to see the puppy in person, especially because temperament is even more important to me than appearance, but it just wont be possible.
> 
> ...


Alexandra - I just saw this. Don't you feel like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders? There is nothing like an open dialogue with a breeder (or really with anyone) to clear the air, make everyone understand each other's needs and come to a good outcome. I'm so glad you opened up to her about how you felt, she addressed it all properly (not covering up anything or getting defensive) and will try to satisfy your needs AND the pups to find the perfect match. I know yours is out there and sometimes, as I've said to Kat, good things come to those who wait. I waited for several months to find Tyler and couldn't have been happier. This will be a member of your family for life so you need to know he or she is your special baby. Best of luck. :chili::chili:


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## afine (Feb 25, 2011)

Susan,
I absolutely feel like a weight has been lifted. It was silly of me to think this was such a hard thing to do. If the breeder was offended and didn't want to help me find a different pup, then she probably wasn't the sort of breeder I would want anyway. Luckily that wasn't the case.

I am in no hurry, but this puppy fever does make things seem a little more urgent! I am sure my baby is out there somewhere, I just need to be patient and relax. This is supposed to be fun and exciting, who knew it would be so much work! I promise to let everyone know when I find my little man =]


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

afine said:


> Susan,
> I absolutely feel like a weight has been lifted. It was silly of me to think this was such a hard thing to do. If the breeder was offended and didn't want to help me find a different pup, then she probably wasn't the sort of breeder I would want anyway. Luckily that wasn't the case.
> 
> I am in no hurry, but this puppy fever does make things seem a little more urgent! I am sure my baby is out there somewhere, I just need to be patient and relax. *This is supposed to be fun and exciting, who knew it would be so much work!* I promise to let everyone know when I find my little man =]


I chalked up many sleepless nights in my search. :w00t: I second guessed myself endlessly and to be perfectly honest, part of my worry was convincing my DH to get a dog and spending that much money. And I had read so much about health issues so was petrified of liver problems. But then I met Tyler, he melted in my arms, I melted holding him, my husband adored him and he's healthy (knock on wood and also getting the bile acid test done to soothe my worrying) so all the worries drifted away. I knew he was the one. I know you'll find the perfect pup for you and will be crazy in love. :chili:


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## bellaratamaltese (May 24, 2006)

Correct bites can't be guaranteed until 6 mos old - so just keep that in mind!! It might make your puppy search a little more difficult but hope the right pup comes along for you.


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## afine (Feb 25, 2011)

Susan - I have been second guessing every puppy I see as well. I am mostly worried I am going to do something wrong in raising this pup. I have done so much research that I am dreaming about the things that could go wrong! So much information is swimming through my head, and I just want to be the perfect dog mom. I'm scared I'm going to forget something important I have learned. I can't imagine how stressed I would be if this were a human child instead of a puppy lol.

Stacy - Is an underbite common? I am not looking for a perfect bite, I just don't like the look of the underbite. I hope I am not narrowing my search too much..


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## bellaratamaltese (May 24, 2006)

Depending on the lines, underbites can be common. A mild underbite shouldn't affect the way the jaw is positioned. Believe me, no show breeder wants to produce an underbite!! You would only be narrowing your search in the sense that a breeder can't guarantee a bite until after 6 mos so if you took a younger pup, you'd still be running that risk. That is why show puppies are only 'show potential's until 6 mos old, when the adult teeth come in and the bite is established. Until then, it is just a gamble.


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

afine said:


> Susan - I have been second guessing every puppy I see as well. *I am mostly worried I am going to do something wrong in raising this pup. *I have done so much research that I am dreaming about the things that could go wrong! So much information is swimming through my head, and I just want to be the perfect dog mom. I'm scared I'm going to forget something important I have learned. I can't imagine how stressed I would be if this were a human child instead of a puppy lol.
> 
> Just to say that IF you don't do something wrong w/this pup then you will be the first maltese mom who is perfect---and none of us will like you---perfect people are unbearable!:HistericalSmiley:
> :wub:


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## Silkmalteselover (Apr 1, 2010)

edelweiss said:


> afine said:
> 
> 
> > Susan - I have been second guessing every puppy I see as well. *I am mostly worried I am going to do something wrong in raising this pup. *I have done so much research that I am dreaming about the things that could go wrong! So much information is swimming through my head, and I just want to be the perfect dog mom. I'm scared I'm going to forget something important I have learned. I can't imagine how stressed I would be if this were a human child instead of a puppy lol.
> ...


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## afine (Feb 25, 2011)

Stacy - Thanks for the info. I'm not looking for a perfect bite, I just didn't like the look the bite was giving him, it was noticeable even as a little pup. I guess I think that a gamble is a little better than knowing for sure. However, it definitely gave the little guy some character lol 
Sandi - Don't hate me! Perfect people are quite annoying, especially for people like me who are always messing everything up lol. Don't worry, I will let you know when I make my first big puppy mistake, I'm sure it will take all of a week.
Jeanne - I've felt the same way around some people before! Like, please forget to be perfect for a day so I don't have to worry that you may be an alien from outer-space.


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

Alexandra - no guarantees that any of us will be perfect moms -- for fluffs or skin kids but I can tell that you're going to be a great Maltese mom. You just need love, common sense and SM to help you through it all. :thumbsup::thumbsup: I really don't know what I would have done without this website helping me through all the issues that come up with Tyler. I grew up with dogs, and small ones, all my life but was not the primary caregiver. Just like when I had a baby - there are no owners manuals - but you learn and you ask and mainly you love. And a good vet is also important. I know you'll be awesome and never worry about checking things out here.


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## afine (Feb 25, 2011)

Thanks Susan! That was so nice of you.


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## bellaratamaltese (May 24, 2006)

Good for you for waiting for exactly what you want! I didn't have that patience when I was first looking, LOL. I wanted a dog NOW  So I got one.


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## afine (Feb 25, 2011)

Stacy, I think you have psychic powers. I was ready to wait. I really was. And then an adorable pup just stole my heart tonight and he will be coming home on tuesday if all goes as planned. 
I can't believe how quickly this is all happening!
I thought I would have a couple of months to prepare but this little guy will be 12 weeks on Sunday and I love him to pieces already.


I am now frantically trying to order all of the things I need.
Here is my list, please let me know if I am forgetting anything.

*pen *- iris 4 panel + 2 extra panels, on its way with express shipping

*pads + pad holder* - are some pads better than others? Do I need a holder or is this something I should wait on?

*bowls + food* - small bag of science diet to ween off of and wellness small breed to switch to

*harness and lead* - (any suggestions on handmade harnesses on etsy?) 

*brush, combs, etc* - madan brush, 7" comb, and rattail comb, 5/16" bands ordered from topline

*shampoo +conditioner* - breeder recommends pure paws but I haven't decided yet, any thoughts? 

*nail clippers* - scissor type (found ones with good reviews on amazon)

I know I am forgetting things. Feel free to PM me if you have any advice. I feel so unprepared! I'm sure all will be well once I get him home, he's so cute!


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## bellaratamaltese (May 24, 2006)

afine said:


> Stacy, I think you have psychic powers. I was ready to wait. I really was. And then an adorable pup just stole my heart tonight and he will be coming home on tuesday if all goes as planned.
> I can't believe how quickly this is all happening!
> I thought I would have a couple of months to prepare but this little guy will be 12 weeks on Sunday and I love him to pieces already.
> 
> ...


OMG how exciting!! SOOO happy for you!
Believe me, you are much better prepared than I was when I brought my first puppy home! 

Shampoos and conditioners - each coat is different so there is no one size fits all, unfortunately! Try the Pure paws and if that doens't work well, try some others. 

I can't wait to see pics and hear all about him!! Congrats!


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## CloudClan (Jan 31, 2007)

Ok, spill, where is he coming from?


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## uniquelovdolce (Mar 10, 2010)

HOW EXCITING FOR U !!! can we see pics ? what r u naming ur fluff ? i thinku are very well prepared already , ummm lets seei would get nutrical and toys ur forgetting toys , and clothes lol


afine said:


> Stacy, I think you have psychic powers. I was ready to wait. I really was. And then an adorable pup just stole my heart tonight and he will be coming home on tuesday if all goes as planned.
> I can't believe how quickly this is all happening!
> I thought I would have a couple of months to prepare but this little guy will be 12 weeks on Sunday and I love him to pieces already.
> 
> ...


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## afine (Feb 25, 2011)

I should probably have made a new thread for the announcement. Oh well.

Carina - I reaaaaallly wanted to wait for a pup from Jacob/Grace, but this little guy just stole my heart yesterday and I couldn't say no. He is an "Angel" =]

TOYS! yes. What are your babies favorites? Which types of chewies/bones should I buy? I don't want any rawhide so synthetic suggestions only please. What toys really get your pups excited?

I'm not sure if he is going to be the clothes wearing type, other than for warmth in the winter. 
I am looking at puppia harnesses though right now and trying to choose one. There are So many colors I can't decide.

Nutrical. Thank you. I knew I would forget something! 

Names...I have a list. I think I will have to meet him before I can decide. 

I nicely emailed the amazon store I was buying a bunch of things from and explained my situation and they said they would express ship everything for no extra charge! I love great customer service =]

I promise promise promise to post pictures once the pup is home. I don't want to jinx anything by introducing him before he is really mine.

I am also going to email the other breeders I have spoken to once this is "official" and let them know they can take me off their waiting lists.


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

So when is the "due" date? Did I miss the delivery?


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## Katkoota (Feb 18, 2006)

wish you all the best in getting your pup 

Kat


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## afine (Feb 25, 2011)

Sandi - he will be home tuesday evening when he is 12 weeks and 2 days old. another thing I almost forgot! - Toothbrush! 
does anyone have a doggie toothpaste recommendation???
and I still don't know whats chewies or bones to buy! I need help in the toy department, what's good?


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## afine (Feb 25, 2011)

thanks kat!


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

:chili::chili: Can't wait!! :chili::chili: For toys - I like to try to get toys made in the USA (and treats). I use Kona treats and they also make toys. :chili: Dog Toys Made in the USA | Kona's Chips Dog Toys Made in America. They're very cute and small for a pup. I think West Paw is another USA company.Dog Toys | West Paw Design I just don't want Tyler eating or playing with things made in China if possible after the melamine issue in infant formula.


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## afine (Feb 25, 2011)

Unfortunately, it turns out I am not going to be bringing home this pup, for various reasons. I think it just wasn't meant to be. I will let you know when I find my puppy. I'm sure he/she will be worth the wait =]
At least now I am super prepared with all of this puppy stuff lol


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## CloudClan (Jan 31, 2007)

Awww I am sorry Alexandra, 

I know it is difficult to be on the roller coast of excitement and have it not work out as planned, but for sure you will find your perfect match :wub: and then it will all be worth it.


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## uniquelovdolce (Mar 10, 2010)

oh wow alexandra im sorry but yes ur baby will find its way to u n u to him !


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## afine (Feb 25, 2011)

Thanks Carina and Liza,
It has been hard to make this decision but I think it is for the best.
I know when I finally find him he will be all I am wishing for.

I now have a whole pen set up with everything he needs just waiting, this puppy is spoiled already and he probably hasn't even been born yet lol


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

Just a little personal story to hopefully encourage you that what is to be will be.
In Feb. 2010 my DH & I were stateside to pick up a little dog we were approved to rescue. We had already rescued one from the same organization (but it was now under new leadership). We took the puppy out for the day, took him to the vet for a check out, made purchases, etc., all was set to go. We would pick him up on Sun. The president of this group left on a cruise on Thurs.& left the details w/her neighbor who was a volunteer in the group. I won't give all the details but this lady decided through her vet (who didn't know the international laws) that we could not take a dog to Greece w/out quarantine. She & I got into several arguments, I proved her to be wrong through the Dept. of Agriculture for the state of Texas faxing papers to her---my local vet calling & talking w/her, etc. But the long and short of the story is that she stopped the adoption from going through. She flat out did not like me & there was another family waiting to adopt the dog (who has since returned to the adoption list that I cruise).
We returned to Europe w/out a dog---we so wanted to rescue. So tried! 
What is funny/strange about this? Our little Kitzel was born on the day we were supposed to collect Jack! We can't imagine life w/out Kitzi. He is so perfect for us.


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

afine said:


> Unfortunately, it turns out I am not going to be bringing home this pup, for various reasons. I think it just wasn't meant to be. I will let you know when I find my puppy. I'm sure he/she will be worth the wait =]
> At least now I am super prepared with all of this puppy stuff lol





edelweiss said:


> Just a little personal story to hopefully encourage you that what is to be will be.
> In Feb. 2010 my DH & I were stateside to pick up a little dog we were approved to rescue. We had already rescued one from the same organization (but it was now under new leadership). We took the puppy out for the day, took him to the vet for a check out, made purchases, etc., all was set to go. We would pick him up on Sun. The president of this group left on a cruise on Thurs.& left the details w/her neighbor who was a volunteer in the group. I won't give all the details but this lady decided through her vet (who didn't know the international laws) that we could not take a dog to Greece w/out quarantine. She & I got into several arguments, I proved her to be wrong through the Dept. of Agriculture for the state of Texas faxing papers to her---my local vet calling & talking w/her, etc. But the long and short of the story is that she stopped the adoption from going through. She flat out did not like me & there was another family waiting to adopt the dog (who has since returned to the adoption list that I cruise).
> We returned to Europe w/out a dog---we so wanted to rescue. So tried!
> What is funny/strange about this? Our little Kitzel was born on the day we were supposed to collect Jack! We can't imagine life w/out Kitzi. He is so perfect for us.


:goodpost: If Kitzel wasn't meant to be your little boy, then I just don't know. :wub::wub:


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## afine (Feb 25, 2011)

What a nice story Sandi, I absolutely believe in fate, and that the puppy I ultimately end up with is going to be exactly the puppy I am meant to have.

I'm so glad you got Kitzel, I can tell how much he means to you, and he is just too cute. What a coincidence he was born on that day!


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

Ummmmm. . . thank you Alexandra---but coincidence really is too small of a word for such "wonders!" It was all bigger than I can explain! :wub:


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## lisaj1354 (Aug 9, 2010)

When I got my first pic of Pepper, I had to admit that he was just about the oddest looking dog I'd ever seen.

But I was told by the rescue that he was adorable, and that his foster mom just couldn't get a good pic of him.

Well, the day I picked him up from transport, I fell in love the second I saw him. He was adorable. 

But if you don't feel a connection, you need to tell the breeder. If she reacts badly, then the breeder may not be someone you want to deal with anyway.


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