# Dinner Party--Am I Being Unreasonable?



## Malt Lover (Feb 17, 2005)

Once again ladies, I turn to you as my voice of reason. 

Over a month ago, I invited my fiancee's daughter, husband and their two children over for dinner this Saturday. I have yet to be given a response. 

I asked the daughter last week if they are coming and she said she'll let me know. I'd like to know soon! I need to buy groceries, clean up the house, etc. 

Personally, I think she is waiting for a better offer. She didn't know a month ago if she had plans? So if someone else asks her to dinner, she would say yes and not feel bad about leaving us high and dry? We've turned down dinner plans to have them over!

My fiancée is slightly annoyed too; we've decided to not ask again because now we feel we are being pests.

At this point would you cancel? Your thoughts?


----------



## Dominic (Nov 4, 2012)

I would cancel saying something else very exciting is happening that Saturday and, unfortunately, I'll have to cancel the dinner invitation. 
But don't listen to me. 


Sent from Petguide.com App


----------



## silverhaven (Sep 6, 2009)

I would simply call and say I need to know now.... yes or no, a maybe is considered a no


----------



## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

I would call the daughter and say something like this . . . I am sorry to have to ask again but I really need to know if you will be coming to dinner this Sat. We are getting in a time-crunch here and I need a simple "yes or no." If there is an issue I need to address in order to make you comfortable w. this, please be honest as I would like for it to be a fun evening for everyone. I am okay w/a "no" but I really need to know today.
I hope they will come & that communication will be open.


----------



## Maidto2Maltese (Oct 19, 2004)

edelweiss said:


> I would call the daughter and say something like this . . . I am sorry to have to ask again but I really need to know if you will be coming to dinner this Sat. We are getting in a time-crunch here and I need a simple "yes or no." If there is an issue I need to address in order to make you comfortable w. this, please be honest as I would like for it to be a fun evening for everyone. I am okay w/a "no" but I really need to know today.
> I hope they will come & that communication will be open.


:goodpost:


----------



## bailey02 (May 1, 2009)

Oh Sandi your to nice...lol I would cancel dinner plans it's not fair to you and your fiancee that they keep you hanging on until the last minute.


----------



## maltese manica (Nov 6, 2012)

I would get your husband to call his daughter and ask her.


----------



## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

maltese manica said:


> I would get your husband to call his daughter and ask her.


Janene, since an engaged man is called a fiance, I think the OP IS male?? Otherwise the English (French) language has changed more than I realized?:HistericalSmiley::HistericalSmiley:


----------



## Zoe's Mom88 (Apr 25, 2011)

I do agree with Sandi but if it were me I probably wouldn't be as kind. I think its rude of her to not give you an answer knowing that you need time to prepare for people to come to your home. I wouldn't call her and ask again.....I think I would be insulted that she couldn't give an answer right away.


----------



## JulietsMommy (Oct 1, 2012)

Knowing me...Im not a quiet person! lol So Id cancel them! Or call and say hey I need a simple yes or no! But thats me


----------



## maltese manica (Nov 6, 2012)

edelweiss said:


> Janene, since an engaged man is called a fiance, I think the OP IS male?? Otherwise the English (French) language has changed more than I realized?:HistericalSmiley::HistericalSmiley:


oops! my bad!!! :HistericalSmiley:well.............. who ever owns the daughter get them to call her up!!!


----------



## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

I just feel that in "blended families" there are often unseen issues that when properly addressed can build bridges rather than walls. . . JMHO


----------



## maltese manica (Nov 6, 2012)

edelweiss said:


> I just feel that in "blended families" there are often unseen issues that when properly addressed can build bridges rather than walls. . . JMHO


I agree. I come from a blended family.............and its like being in politics......... which I try to stay away from:blink: my step-sister is like that, so my mom will try and then will get my stepfather to call. I just tell my mom its not worth it sometimes :blush:


----------



## Daisy's Mommie (Sep 24, 2012)

You have given them more than enough time to decide what they would like to do. I would call her and say that "something" has come up and that we won't be home that evening. Then make plans for you and your Sweetie to go out on the town and don't think twice about it. I get so upset over young people in this day and age. Not all--but some-have this "I'm entitled" attitude, no manners and just plain rude. Not letting you know something, in my opinion, is just plain RUDE!!!


----------



## babycake7 (Jan 30, 2012)

edelweiss said:


> I would call the daughter and say something like this . . . I am sorry to have to ask again but I really need to know if you will be coming to dinner this Sat. We are getting in a time-crunch here and I need a simple "yes or no." If there is an issue I need to address in order to make you comfortable w. this, please be honest as I would like for it to be a fun evening for everyone. I am okay w/a "no" but I really need to know today.
> I hope they will come & that communication will be open.


Excellent way to handle the situation.


----------



## ladodd (Jan 8, 2012)

Just forget about it. If they call or show up at the last minute, tell them since they never gave an answer you made other plans.


----------



## IzzysBellasMom (Jan 16, 2013)

ladodd said:


> Just forget about it. If they call or show up at the last minute, tell them since they never gave an answer you made other plans.


 
That is what I would do!!! If they show up tell them since they never got back to you, it was your assumption that they were not coming, then ask do you want to do pizza delivery since you are here?


----------



## mdbflorida (Feb 28, 2013)

Love the pizza idea.


----------



## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

This happens to me a LOT. I get mad. I usually have this problem with the in-laws. But I think that sometimes they just don't get it. They don't spend a week working on a dinner party, so they don't understand that I NEED to know. More than once we were invited to SIL's for dinner and she was at the grocery store buying the food when we arrived.
Since you are going to be attached to these people for a long time, it would be best to resolve the issue. Call and say, "I need to know if you want to come now. I need to start shopping in the morning."

The truth is, if I get a dinner invitation from a friend, I say "Oh goodie! I think it will be okay with Alan, but if he has made other plans, I'll let you know."
Sometimes...well most of the time....I don't really want to go to family dinners and may not give an answer until the last minute.

If friends didn't give me an answer in a decent time frame, I would scratch them off my list. But you can't scratch the family off your list, so you need to try and understand how their minds work and learn to cope.

All the same, you have a right to be angry.


----------



## MalteseJane (Nov 21, 2004)

edelweiss said:


> Janene, since an engaged man is called a fiance, I think the OP IS male?? Otherwise the English (French) language has changed more than I realized?:HistericalSmiley::HistericalSmiley:


This has me confused too : fiancé (male) - fiancée (female)
But I think she made a typo or does not know the exact spelling.
I remember her by association with her dog's name Ralphie. He got lost years ago here in the Phoenix area and she got him back thanks to his microchip.
Not 100% sure but I think it's the same person.

I would ask her father to call her and get a straight answer. If she still does not know, cancel.

By the way, how is Ralphie ?


----------



## The A Team (Dec 1, 2005)

I'd probably just make dinner anyway as I usually would but make enough for company. If they show up, get more plates out and if they don't....well then you get left overs to eat the next day.


----------



## Yogi's Mom (Jan 6, 2013)

*I Hope your great plans that would include them Work out. I Understand this all to well. Nickee in Pa******Either way you enjoy your easter!*


----------



## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

The A Team said:


> I'd probably just make dinner anyway as I usually would but make enough for company. If they show up, get more plates out and if they don't....well then you get left overs to eat the next day.


No wonder you are such a happy person Pat. You have the right attitude.


----------



## Maglily (Feb 3, 2009)

Maidto2Maltese said:


> :goodpost:


I think this is a good reply, + or - asking if they are uncomfortable with something. But I agree letting them know that a "no" is fine if they'd prefer not to come this weekend. I don't think I would let it go because who knows they might show up and if you can avoid that situation, I would.


----------



## Super3*k (Feb 26, 2013)

My husband's extended family is like this. We built our home 3 years ago..who cares right? Right. We have been married 16 years and had other homes...long story short..my mother-in-law wanted us to have a housewarming party..I felt awkward. Why have this party..I love my home but I knew his extended family would think we were showing off. So I wouldn't call it a housewarming party. My in-laws anniversary was in a few weeks from the date..I sent out invitations in the beginning of September for an October 16th party...6 weeks to RSVP. Well it was the week before and I had not heard from ANY of them. I told my mother-in-law we were going to cancel. She wanted me to postpone...no..all of a sudden we heard one by one from the cousins...they could all only stay ONE hour and 2 of the husbands could not come. I was so hurt. I was right..they thought we were bragging. It was so uncomfortable because I knew they didn't want to be there. 
I just went on my own rant...sorry..all I know is I will always go with my gut instinct from now on. If I had done that from the beginning... The party would never had happened. 
I am a people pleaser..or a reformed people pleaser ( trying...trying hard). I had this party for my in-laws knowing the cousins would not be pleased. I am in my 40's now. I have learned to listen to myself more...that doesn't mean no compromise..just not doing things for others that I really don't want to do. So what am I saying...do what you feel is right in your gut...can you send a short text...just confirming the time? Or a short voicemail or email...I wouldn't feel like you were being a pest..you are opening your home to them and feeding them to boot...but..again you know what is right for you...what do you think? What do you really want to do...that is the real question..
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest! Lol


----------



## Super3*k (Feb 26, 2013)

*I like the way you think!*



The A Team said:


> I'd probably just make dinner anyway as I usually would but make enough for company. If they show up, get more plates out and if they don't....well then you get left overs to eat the next day.


I love your response...it is exactly the right idea...I just have a hard time with having to have everything be perfect..I do know that is a problem...working on it..
That is why I loved your response. That is what I am working towards..have my day and if they come..they come..no worries..perfect!


----------



## MalteseJane (Nov 21, 2004)

The A Team said:


> I'd probably just make dinner anyway as I usually would but make enough for company. If they show up, get more plates out and if they don't....well then you get left overs to eat the next day.


That's not a bad idea at all. But if they show up I would tell them that we didn't expect them since they didn't let us know that they were coming and that they are lucky that we have enough food to feed every body.


----------



## nwyant1946 (Jan 2, 2013)

*I wouldn't even cancel. I would order pizza for us and put in a movie and relax. If they showed up, I would say "you never got back to us, so we figured you didn't accept our invitation. Want some pizza? We're right in the middle of this great movie. Feel free to sit down and enjoy it with us". (Oh, and I'd be all comfy in my jammies with my fluff(s) surrounding us on the sofa...LOL*


----------



## silverhaven (Sep 6, 2009)

The A Team said:


> I'd probably just make dinner anyway as I usually would but make enough for company. If they show up, get more plates out and if they don't....well then you get left overs to eat the next day.


Pat, you are awesome :tender:


----------



## Neetaz (Feb 19, 2013)

Sorry to butt in here but I come from a large family there are 7 of siblings, 4 girls and 3 boys (we all live in the same area, amazing isn't it). I am the youngest. Over the years we always spent holidays and special occasions with each other. Since both my parents have passed on it has been a struggle to get together for holidays and such and it has caused a lot of hard feelings with my older sister. Last week she was calling everyone and asking their plans for the holidays and she didn't receive a very good response. She was venting to me on Sunday and I told her hey Sis everyone is older now and have their own grown families. Cook your meal for your kids, and if people show up their will be enough food don't worry so much anymore.

Naturally I will go because if I don't I will probably have to pay for it the next couple of weeks :innocent:, because she will be upset with me. But, she is the oldest and I have to respect that.

So that said...maybe you can cook a small meal and if they show up order Pizza for the kids, but you don't want to cause bad feelings by making them feel obligated. Some people just don't think an invitation to dinner is important or better yet an honor!


----------

