# My little one is scared of my boyfriend!!



## mfleshman (May 5, 2009)

My pup's name is Casper and he is one year old. He makes little growling noises when he hears doors open or strange noises since I got him off barking. We're working on the growling now. 
I have been going to my boyfriend's house more often and of course bringing my baby along. I expressed some desire in help training him away from the growling. My boyfriend, who recently came back from active duty in the army, was happy to help discipline Casper. I usually smacked his nose when he growled and said no. My boyfriend started doing the same thing and flipping Casper over on his back for a little while. Now every time we go over to his place Casper starts shaking and goes and hides in another room. How do I fix this? I told him that I would do all the disciplining from now on, but Casper is still scared of him. (Although it did work! At his house, he no longer growls) 
Does anyone have ideas to help Casper get along with him better? He is not scared of other people or even crowds of people, so this is a strange behavior for him. 
Thanks!


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## LUCY N PETS (Apr 21, 2009)

I am sorry but I can't help but ask this, would you like to be slapped in the face every time you tried
to say or express your feelings? I don't think so, there are other ways of dealing with this other
than physical attack.

What kind of dog is it and how big?
Did you have your dog before the boyfriend?
He might be a very good person, but
Our little furballs have a keen sense in people and it is a way of letting you know they don't
trust something about that person.

This is my opinion, hope it doesn't hurt your feelings, but better than hurting your pet.

Lucy


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## drclee (Jul 16, 2008)

I don't know who told you smacking your poor malt was a good way to discipline him. I don't blame him for being afraid of your boyfriend if he's doing it as well. Please train him using positive reinforcement and the reward system. It breaks my heart to think the poor little one is getting smacked each time he does something you or your boyfriend doesn't like.


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## Nikki's Mom (Feb 13, 2008)

:new_shocked: :new_shocked: Please never *ever* hit your dog on the nose or flip him over on his back. You will only train him to be more aggressive. 

Please check out some of the info on this site:

http://www.dogwise.com/


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## Max & Rocky (May 20, 2004)

As the others have said, who ever told you that smacking him was the way to train him was sadly misinformed and you are on the way to creating a very confused dog with emotional problems.

If you want him to like your boy friend, there are all sorts of positive means that you could use. For a few examples, cook a skinless boneless chicken breast and then have you boyfriend feed it to him as a treat, have your boy friend pick him up and place him on the sofa near him and spend the next hour slowly stroking his neck and petting him, put a harness and leash on him and have your boy friend take him for a walk, etc.

Never use physical punishment to alter behavior in either humans or animals (and the alpha roll is every bit as bad as hitting him). :bysmilie:


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## LUCY N PETS (Apr 21, 2009)

I want to add one more thing, if you stop him from ever barking and growling at what he thinks is a danger to him or you and If someone broke into your house would you rather him bark to alert you or go and give them kisses and greet them.

I know there is a problem with continuous barking and growling, but you have to remember they
think they are protecting you and if you make him scared to ever bark, it is sad. You just may
need him some day to alert you and perhaps save your life.

And a happy puppy romping and playing and barking is so much fun to watch.

Think about it.


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## cuevasfam (Jul 13, 2008)

I agree with the others... Please remember that everyone is just trying to help you answer your questions..... I like Max & Rocky's idea of trying to make your little one like your boyfriend... I'm sure his hitting him is why he is scared... With time, I'm sure he can grow to love your boyfriend...

Positive reinforcements are best..... Good luck and please let us know how everything goes.


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## I found nemo (Feb 23, 2006)

He is scared of you now thats why he shakes and hides :shocked: How would you feel getting bopped on your nose :angry: 
DON"T hit your dog, try sitting on the floor and petting Casper and trying to reassure him you wont do that to him anymore.
Obviously you need a new approach, hope you find the answers here.
I will excuse myself now cause I have no more to say


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## pammy4501 (Aug 8, 2007)

http://www.avsabonline.org/avsabonline/ima...20statement.pdf

Here is a link that was first posted by our own JMM. She is very active and knowledgeable in the area of 
training. Please never, never hit or even tap your Maltese. This is a very sensitve breed that exsits to please
you! When you use dominance or physical punishments, you are breaking your dogs spirit. I do not mean to
be critical of you, because I think you are not informed. You have come to the right place. Please listen you what
is being said here on this forum, as there are people with a wealth of experience and knowledge about this 
wonderful breed.


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## k/c mom (Oct 9, 2004)

OMG! The situation you describe is heartbreaking... I can just imagine what this kind of treatment is doing to your baby's spirit. Please, please stop the physical punishment and use positive training.

Your title says that your little one is scared of your boyfriend... well of course he is ... what do you expect to happen with that sort of treatment. Maltese, especially, are such sensitive little dogs.... 

Here's a couple links explaining how bad the alpha roll is. 

http://www.veterinarypartner.com/Content.p...p;A=984&S=1

http://dogs.about.com/cs/basictraining/a/alpha_roll.htm


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## LUCY N PETS (Apr 21, 2009)

I am sorry I didn't welcome you to SM, but I got a little bit upset when I first read your posts.
I do hope that you get some help from this site. And I hope you can see that we do not condone
hitting anyone. We are all learning new things each and every day. All you have to do is asks.

Keep us posted on the progress you are making.

I think from the other posts it shows we are here to help each other.

Again, welcome to SM

Lucy


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## pammy4501 (Aug 8, 2007)

:Welcome 2: 

Yes, welcome! And we love pictures. Please keep 
coming and learning! We are here to support
each other!


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## mfleshman (May 5, 2009)

Thanks for the reply. I'm sorry for anyone that I upset. I really wouldn't be on this forum if Casper wasn't the most important thing in my life. Please understand that I was raised thinking that a physical tap on the nose is a correct behavioral punishment. I have only tried to do what is best and keep him happy. I live in an apartment with 3 other people. I don't mind barking and growling at all, but they have made some complaints. I am moving out soon to a more suitable living situation with another dog for Casper to play with! 

I have read the websites that were posted and have learned a lot of information. Again, please don't reply with mean comments. It breaks my heart already to learn that this was the wrong approach. I don't need to be further reprimanded. Thanks again for the information. I hope to learn a lot more from everyone.


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## I found nemo (Feb 23, 2006)

QUOTE (mfleshman @ May 5 2009, 08:48 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=772381


> Thanks for the reply. I'm sorry for anyone that I upset. I really wouldn't be on this forum if Casper wasn't the most important thing in my life. Please understand that I was raised thinking that a physical tap on the nose is a correct behavioral punishment. I have only tried to do what is best and keep him happy. I live in an apartment with 3 other people. I don't mind barking and growling at all, but they have made some complaints. I am moving out soon to a more suitable living situation with another dog for Casper to play with!
> 
> I have read the websites that were posted and have learned a lot of information. Again, please don't reply with mean comments. It breaks my heart already to learn that this was the wrong approach. I don't need to be further reprimanded. Thanks again for the information. I hope to learn a lot more from everyone.
> 
> ...


Thanks for your post. I was a bit upset also, but I know what you mean when you say you were raised like that.
You know it's wrong and I am happy you are here trying to correct it.
I apologize for getting a little nasty  Casper is a cutie and I am glad you are going to get a new approach.
Welcome To Sm :welcome1: :welcome1:


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## k/c mom (Oct 9, 2004)

QUOTE (mfleshman @ May 5 2009, 08:48 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=772381


> Thanks for the reply. I'm sorry for anyone that I upset. I really wouldn't be on this forum if Casper wasn't the most important thing in my life. Please understand that I was raised thinking that a physical tap on the nose is a correct behavioral punishment. I have only tried to do what is best and keep him happy. I live in an apartment with 3 other people. I don't mind barking and growling at all, but they have made some complaints. I am moving out soon to a more suitable living situation with another dog for Casper to play with!
> 
> I have read the websites that were posted and have learned a lot of information. Again, please don't reply with mean comments. It breaks my heart already to learn that this was the wrong approach. I don't need to be further reprimanded. Thanks again for the information. I hope to learn a lot more from everyone.
> 
> ...


Oh, I'm so glad that you are open to suggestions and realize that other approaches are best. There is a lot of great info here. There are some pinned threads in the Training section... I admit I haven't looked at them in a while but I think there is more good information there:

http://spoiledmaltese.com/forum/index.php?showforum=7


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## Max & Rocky (May 20, 2004)

QUOTE (mfleshman @ May 5 2009, 05:48 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=772381


> Thanks for the reply. I'm sorry for anyone that I upset. I really wouldn't be on this forum if Casper wasn't the most important thing in my life. Please understand that I was raised thinking that a physical tap on the nose is a correct behavioral punishment. I have only tried to do what is best and keep him happy. I live in an apartment with 3 other people. I don't mind barking and growling at all, but they have made some complaints. I am moving out soon to a more suitable living situation with another dog for Casper to play with!
> 
> I have read the websites that were posted and have learned a lot of information. Again, please don't reply with mean comments. It breaks my heart already to learn that this was the wrong approach. I don't need to be further reprimanded. Thanks again for the information. I hope to learn a lot more from everyone.
> 
> ...


Thanks for your clarification and I hope that no one scared you off and :Welcome 4: 

We have about 2 hot button topics here and you found one on your first post. :biggrin: 

Anyway, your little guy is one handsome dude!! :wub:


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## dwerten (Oct 6, 2007)

Have you ever left him with your boyfriend alone before? as my concern is he hurt him as this is not normal behavior and i too believe dogs have a very keen sense of people as why i always wonder why when you drive down the road and they go crazy when they see one person and not with others as i always thought that strange but tend to think it is because they have an intuition. 



QUOTE (mfleshman @ May 5 2009, 04:07 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=772223


> My pup's name is Casper and he is one year old. He makes little growling noises when he hears doors open or strange noises since I got him off barking. We're working on the growling now.
> I have been going to my boyfriend's house more often and of course bringing my baby along. I expressed some desire in help training him away from the growling. My boyfriend, who recently came back from active duty in the army, was happy to help discipline Casper. I usually smacked his nose when he growled and said no. My boyfriend started doing the same thing and flipping Casper over on his back for a little while. Now every time we go over to his place Casper starts shaking and goes and hides in another room. How do I fix this? I told him that I would do all the disciplining from now on, but Casper is still scared of him. (Although it did work! At his house, he no longer growls)
> Does anyone have ideas to help Casper get along with him better? He is not scared of other people or even crowds of people, so this is a strange behavior for him.
> Thanks![/B]


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## cuevasfam (Jul 13, 2008)

QUOTE (mfleshman @ May 5 2009, 05:48 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=772381


> Thanks for the reply. I'm sorry for anyone that I upset. I really wouldn't be on this forum if Casper wasn't the most important thing in my life. Please understand that I was raised thinking that a physical tap on the nose is a correct behavioral punishment. I have only tried to do what is best and keep him happy. I live in an apartment with 3 other people. I don't mind barking and growling at all, but they have made some complaints. I am moving out soon to a more suitable living situation with another dog for Casper to play with!
> 
> I have read the websites that were posted and have learned a lot of information. Again, please don't reply with mean comments. It breaks my heart already to learn that this was the wrong approach. I don't need to be further reprimanded. Thanks again for the information. I hope to learn a lot more from everyone.
> 
> ...


OMG your Casper is absolutely adorable... :Cute Malt: 

I am so happy that your baby is your #1 priority - Obviously he is since you came to this site.... As I am sure you can see, everyone on this forum feels very passionately - as I AM SURE you do too. For Roxie and Ruby, they know by the tone of my voice when I want them to stop doing something. If they don't I distract them by making them go lay in their bed... It usually stops. 

Anyway, that works for my babies.... :Welcome 1:


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## maggieh (Dec 16, 2007)

Welcome - your little guy is a cutie! There is a lot of good information in the threads that others have linked here - you might also consider talking to a professional obedience trainer. They have a lot of suggestions about diverting the dog's attention when he starts to bark and getting him to do something more appropriate. My little ones used to sit in the window and bark like crazy. Now they usually give one or two "woofs" then come sit next to me for praise.

Good luck and let us know how things turn out for your little guy!


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## pammy4501 (Aug 8, 2007)

QUOTE (mfleshman @ May 5 2009, 05:48 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=772381


> Thanks for the reply. I'm sorry for anyone that I upset. I really wouldn't be on this forum if Casper wasn't the most important thing in my life. Please understand that I was raised thinking that a physical tap on the nose is a correct behavioral punishment. I have only tried to do what is best and keep him happy. I live in an apartment with 3 other people. I don't mind barking and growling at all, but they have made some complaints. I am moving out soon to a more suitable living situation with another dog for Casper to play with!
> 
> I have read the websites that were posted and have learned a lot of information. Again, please don't reply with mean comments. It breaks my heart already to learn that this was the wrong approach. I don't need to be further reprimanded. Thanks again for the information. I hope to learn a lot more from everyone.
> 
> ...


Please don't feel bad. You don't know what you don't know. At least you knew that
it wasn't working and you came looking for info. You sound like a responsible dog
owner that cares about your pup. Please continue to read and learn. You already 
have figured out what a great breed this is! 
P.S. You little guy is a cutie!


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## myfairlacy (Dec 28, 2007)

Another thing I wanted to add is that training to stop the growling isn't necessarily the way to go about fixing whatever is going on with him. A growl is usually a warning. For example - A dog that intends to bite will have certain body language and will usually growl before they bite as a warning. When people punish the dog for growling, these dogs often will then start to bite without any warning at all. I'm not saying your dog plans to bite you...but the noises he's hearing are obviously scary or troubling to him which is why he is growling..he is sending an alert or warning that he is concerned about these noises. A scared dog may bite...if your dog is already fearful and you punish him and scare him more, he may become defensive. It's always best to use positive reinforcement if you can. Behavior and training are difficult subjects...I'm certainly not one to offer training advice, but I do know what I told you above. It sounds like it would be best to find out what is concerning your dog and trying to ease his fears instead of punishing him for the growling...because the growling is really just a symptom of the deeper issue. 

It might be best to find an animal behaviorist in your area that can evaluate him and offer some advice. Especially with repairing his and your boyfriend's relationship. I'm afraid there's already been some damage there...he was just getting to know this man and the punishment scared him and has made him fearful of your boyfriend. He's probably going to have to work with your dog a lot to rebuild trust and make him comfortable with him now.


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## diamonds mommy (Feb 2, 2009)

:Welcome 3: Casper is a cutie!


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## lottapaws (Mar 29, 2006)

Welcome to you and to your darling Casper!!! He is such a cutie pie!!

You are so smart to have realized that what you were doing wasn't working and to search for new ideas from those with lots of experience!! You'd be surprised at how many people don't take that step and their furbaby ends up in a shelter. Thank you for caring so much for your little one!! It is obvious that you love him dearly and just didn't realize that physical reprimands may effect the action you wanted, but now you realize that it also results in other problems. 

Furbabies live to please their "people" and will respond much better to positive reinforcement. There are some wonderful suggestions on this site for training as you've already found. But may I also explain something that many times we don't realize. Just like with little two year old skin kids, our little Malts are very tiny and their bones are quite fragile. A simple and slight slap can actually do more harm than one might realize. Even worse is a man as men are much stronger and even the weakest of little taps are quite hard. I'm sure your boyfriend didn't intend to frighten Casper, but this is what has happened. It only takes a second to instill fear but it will take far more time to regain trust. Furkids want to please and they want to trust so it will happen as long as your bf follows the suggestions already given. Maltese usually adore men so it is just a matter of your bf earning Casper's trust. 

Just a side note, but our sweet Peaches growls and that is how she "talks". Apparently, her daddy does the same thing! It is the way she "talks", but it is very obvious that she is talk growling and not giving a warning. I believe that many Maltese like to "talk" as they feel they are people. Helping them to learn when they can use "inside voices" and "outside voices" is important. We are still working on that with my son's Gracie. She just LOVES to hear her own voice, she is just a gabby teenager! Maybe I should get her a cell phone and she can start texting!!!!!


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## Maidto2Maltese (Oct 19, 2004)

Hello and Welcome!

Your little Casper is a little doll!! :wub: 

First I'd suggest your BF simply sit on the floor ( much less intimidating for Casper) and allow Casper to just feel him out before doing anything... 
Then I suggest you get a real special "goodie" like chicken breast cut into tiny pieces and have your BF sit down on the floor..first just give Casper time to 'evaluate' him there on the floor.. ( he'll likely smell the special treat) then have BF roll a tiny piece of chicken saying in a SOFT tone "Casper want a treat?"... slowly and gently repeat... rolling the chicken so its closer to BF. 
Eventually Work to hand extended ,palm up ,and treat laying in the open hand , back of hand laying on the floor...for Casper to take from the open hand. The idea is to have Casper associate your BF with a POSITIVE experience. 

Also ALWAYS have BF , when approaching to pet Casper to approach with hand turned with palm up and low, allow Casper to sniff if he chooses then SLOWLY approach along the sides of body toward the back to pet there and not the head to begin with. I'd do this several times before even trying to pet on the head since Casper associates the hand to head a not so good thing.


good luck!!!


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## cuevasfam (Jul 13, 2008)

QUOTE (Maidto2Maltese @ May 6 2009, 05:11 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=772596


> Hello and Welcome!
> 
> Your little Casper is a little doll!! :wub:
> 
> ...


 :goodpost: 

Can't wait to hear how it's going from you.. Can't wait to see more pictures of Casper...


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## Pamspamcayla (Feb 12, 2009)

QUOTE (lottapaws @ May 6 2009, 01:52 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=772531


> Welcome to you and to your darling Casper!!! He is such a cutie pie!!
> 
> You are so smart to have realized that what you were doing wasn't working and to search for new ideas from those with lots of experience!! You'd be surprised at how many people don't take that step and their furbaby ends up in a shelter. Thank you for caring so much for your little one!! It is obvious that you love him dearly and just didn't realize that physical reprimands may effect the action you wanted, but now you realize that it also results in other problems.
> 
> ...


***
My dog's name is Casper too. My husband and Casper do the same thing, they talk to each other by growling, it is the cutest and funniest thing. When my husband asks Casper for a kiss he goes right up to him and kisses him. When I ask for kisses he ignores me. They have the best relationship, I love it.


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## pammy4501 (Aug 8, 2007)

QUOTE (lottapaws @ May 5 2009, 10:52 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=772531


> Just a side note, but our sweet Peaches growls and that is how she "talks". Apparently, her daddy does the same thing! It is the way she "talks", but it is very obvious that she is talk growling and not giving a warning. I believe that many Maltese like to "talk" as they feel they are people. Helping them to learn when they can use "inside voices" and "outside voices" is important. We are still working on that with my son's Gracie. She just LOVES to hear her own voice, she is just a gabby teenager! Maybe I should get her a cell phone and she can start texting!!!!! [/B]


This is exactly what my little Frankie does. If he wants my attention and I am not noticing quickly enough, he will stand patiently at my feet,
and let out a really quite little growl. It is not an intimidation thing, it's a "hey look at me, I'm here" thing. It is his little communication.


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## mfleshman (May 5, 2009)

Thanks again for everyone's help. I'm so happy for the amount of support and concern that everyone has been showing. It has encouraged me to view people in more of a positive light. My unconditional love of dogs partly stems from believing them to be more innocent, loyal and loving as any human connection I could possibly have. I tend not to trust people to have unselfish intentions. So thank you all again. 

Back to my little Casper. This week has been very busy with changing routines and dealing with finals. (I'm graduating in 6 days!!) I have been working on getting Casper to warm up to the boyfriend using the easiest way to his little heart: his tummy. I got some beef liver treats that little C absolutely loves from Dogswell; I only usually get treats from there since they don't use any extra ingredients. Now when I go there, he always a treat ready to greet Casper with. Its amazing to see the difference in just a few days. He is a lot more comfortable there. I don't think it will take very much longer for him to feel 100% safe. 
I talked to my boyfriend about all this. He wanted me to explain that he was only trying to help me in what he thought I wanted. He only wants the best for Casper as well. I've been trying different techniques. For example, I've been using more tone control and saying "bad dog." He gets really upset when I do and goes puts himself in time out for a few minutes. He's a quick little learner. 

Thanks again for all the support. I would love to hear stories of your little ones and recommendations about anything for my little guy.


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## cuevasfam (Jul 13, 2008)

I'm glad you updated.... I love that picture of Casper on the beach by the way.. So sweet.... :wub: 

Glad to hear things are going better and your using different techniques which seem to be working for you. Just remember positive reinforcement too.... Give it time and I'm sure he'll be 100% comfy with you boyfriend again...  

You can do a search on the forum too if there is anything in particular your looking into and all the posts that talk about your topic should come up.. Otherwise, just post a new topic and as I'm sure you know, we'll all be here waiting to give our 2 cents. :HistericalSmiley: 

Again, thanks for the update. Give Casper kisses from Roxie and Ruby... They say "hey casper we fink your cute.. you live kinda cwose to us...." :wub: :wub:


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## puppy lover (Dec 25, 2007)

I just read an excellent book on training for small dogs for when we get our puppy. It's called Little Dogs: Training Your Pint Sized Companion. It's an easy read and she teaches how to do everything with positive reinforcement (even teaching the sit command cannot be done by pushing their behinds down because it can cause injury to their fragile spines) 

Forgive yourself for not knowing and many happy years with Casper!


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