# I've had the worst day ever!



## Princess'sMom (Jul 23, 2005)

I know I'm new here, but since I've been sick the past couple of years and can't work I don't have many friends anymore. I don't get out much, so this site means more to me than I can tell you, and so does my new baby. Anyway.....

I had posted before about my son, Erik, being in the Navy, on an aircraft carrier, somewhere in the Persian Gulf. I didn't, however, mention that he has been having major emotional problems, financial problems, and he is in trouble with the law. He is only 21 years old.

Well, today I got an e-mail from his commander saying that they are discharging him from the Navy. I'm assuming it is a dishonorable discharge. I've been crying all day.

Two years ago my husband and I co-signed on a car for him. Biggest mistake we've ever made.

He paid on it fine until he met this girl last fall, who is also in the Navy, and stopped paying all his bills, including his car and insurance. According to his friends all he was doing was spending all his money on her, and they said she was cheating on him, but he wouldn't listen.

We flew up to his home base in January and let his supervisors know how much we love him and were worried about him. We tried to get him to sit down and work things out with us, but he refused. It has been like pulling teeth just getting him to catch up on his payments, using all of our resources to help. Just when he was almost caught up, now this.

We tried talking to the girl, but she hates us. Erik told her he was adopted, his father was dead, and he was born and raised in Texas. All lies!

I gave birth to him when I was 20 years old, he lived his whole life in Albuquerque, NM, and his father is NOT dead. We have been married for more than 26 years. We have devoted our entire lives to our children. We always paid our bills and had excellent credit before all this. Not anymore. 

Evidentally, he and this girl, who was in the same squadron, were causing a lot of problems both on the base and on the ship. They do not have a policy that prohibits them from seeing each other, so they couldn't stop them.
They finally put her in another squadron and she did not go on this last deployment with them.

The problems got worse when she broke up with him while he's been on the ship. He refused to work, would just walk off the job, and they couldn't find him on the ship. All he was doing was finding a computer anywhere he could to e-mail her and beg her to take him back. 

Three weeks ago his Commander called us to tell us they were having major problems with him, but not to worry too much because he was seeing the Chaplin on the ship and a psycologist they have available. They were trying to help him, but he only got worse. So now, they have no choice but to send him back to the base and discharge him.

We are in a big bind. We have to find a way to get up there and sell the car he can't drive because his licence has been suspended and there are warrents out for his arrest. His credit is shot because he didn't pay his bills and wrote hot checks all over the place.

We honestly don't know what is going to happen to him. We don't know if he is willing to come home with us. We are afraid of that because he wreaked havock here before, stole our cars and staying out all night, and I'm not sure our family can take any more, but we can't just give up on our son. Sniff, sniff...

I'm sorry I'm venting so much, but I'm at my wits end. He had been suicidal before and we are extremely worried about him.

I guess I'm just looking for a kind word or two in between my tears.

Princess's Mom - Fredda 

By the way, our other two children are wonderful. Our oldest son, Michael, is about to get his Master's degree, has a good job, and has always been very responsible. We co-signed for his first car too, and he never failed to pay it.
Our daughter, Marissa, is so kind and loving, and a straight A student.
How can three children from the same mother and father be so different?
I need all the prayers you can spare.


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## HappyB (Feb 28, 2005)

I got up to check on my pups, and read your message. I'm so sorry for all your problems with your son.
I'm sending you a PM.


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## Brinkley & Neyland's Mom (Jun 14, 2004)

Oh man! I don't know what to say...I guess situations like this are what all parents fear somewhere deep inside.









It sounds like you have done your best and maybe you need to "Let go and let God". -_- I think tough love has got to be one of the hardest steps to take...and I pray that I will never have to make a decision like that...but after hearing your story, I guess none of us ever know what the future holds.
I don't know if you are religious...but I say...PRAY! PRAY! PRAY!

It was brave of you to share your story with us. Even though my children are young, as a mother, I could feel your anguish and heartbreak.
Big hugs and prayers coming your way!!!!


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## kodie (Aug 24, 2004)

I hate to say it but this story sound just like my cousin. He is an only child though. He has caused nothing but problems for my aunt and uncle. I think the only difference is that my cousin was violent. They adventually had to ask him to move out. He finally did after 5 years of complete mishaps at his home... When he moved out he had problems as well of course... he was living in the worst places you could image. He also was dating someone that did nothing but take his money. He was in soo much debt and has the worst credit. I dont have any advice really... because I see what my cousin does to my aunt and it brakes my heart. Sometimes my aunt will tell me how upset she is about something soo i try to give my cousin a heads up and tell him what he could do for his mother. He always says to me "dont worry, i will"... and never comes through with what he says hes gonna do.







What ended up happening is my uncle passed away suddenly last year and I thought my cousin would get his act together.... nope.. but the only good thing is he got rid of that horrible girl that put him in so much debt! I guess thats a start...







My aunt signed for his appartment that he now living in... and he promised to work and pay all his bills off so he can transfer his appartment in his own name. So far I think he is keeping his word.









It's a shame the whole situation.. I wish i could give you some advice.. but nothing works with my own cousin... we are at the point that we kinda gave up expecting him to do things in or with his life...







I am guessing that sometimes there are those children that have to learn the hard way.... and it takes them almost their whole life to learn a lesson. Just remember that your a good mother and you are doing everything you can possibly do.


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## msmagnolia (Sep 8, 2004)

Fredda,
I'm so glad that you found SM and can feel free to vent here. Maybe that will help you. I am so sorry that you and your family are going through such a tough situation. My instinct is to agree with the others that it might be time for tough love. Unfortunately, I guess none of us know what we would do until we find ourselves in the situation. I have known some really nice people who have raised some really nice children and then one of them has a problem that continues to escalate. I don't think that it means that you were a bad parent! As an adult it may be time for your son to accept responsibility for his own actions. As long as you let him know that he is loved, I think it is also OK to let him know that he must find his own way out of the problems. The problems of the heart (trouble with the girl friend) are the worst. I've seen it with my own children. A boyfriend problem can make a perfectly rational, smart person go completely nuts for a while. 

I'm sorry for what you are going through. Maybe you and your husband should consider counseling for yourselves to help you deal with your son. I will keep you in my thoughts. Please keep us updated.


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## LexiAndNikkisMom (Apr 13, 2004)

Sorry I don't have any advice. But feel to vent anytime.


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## Caesar's Mommie (Apr 8, 2004)

You guys are going through and have been through way more than anyone needs to be! My thoughts are with you guys


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## Scoobydoo (May 26, 2005)

I am so sorry you are going through such a sad time with your son. I do hope one day he does come to his senses and take resposiblity for his actions. He is still young and I am sure one day he will sort himself out and see where he is headed and perhaps make the necessary changes. Often it takes a rude awakening and then they tend to see the err of their ways. I will pray that this happens for him and real soon, for your sake and his.


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## scottchelf (Sep 25, 2004)

Pray, pray, pray and pray, and know that you are being prayed for.


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## sheila2182 (Nov 28, 2004)

Im so sorry you and your family are going through this.It sounds to me that you have tried everything to help your son,now I believe also just let him know he is loved and you are theret o support him emotionaly..but thats it.
It is time to use tough love.Im speaking of my own personal experence when I say that.My family went through something simaliar but drugs were involved. After we tried everything...counseling included we had to go the tough love way.Other wise you become an enabler. You are very brave to share this,and we are all here to support you anytime. God Bless &


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## paris (Apr 8, 2005)

I am so sorry to hear about your son. I have no advice to give but please remember that you can always come here to talk about whatever and you and your family will be in my prayers.


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## saltymalty (Sep 14, 2004)

As a parent, it is so hard to see your child unhappy. Probably one of the greatest fears is that they won't find their own way in this world. I really have no advice to offer to make your mind at ease. Trust what your heart is telling you to do. And please feel free to vent at any time! That's the beauty of this site.


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## Bridge (Jun 2, 2005)

Sorry that you're going through this. Will pray for you and your son.


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## littlepeanut (Dec 5, 2004)

I'm so sorry to hear about your son's situation. I have no advice, but I'm hoping for the best for you and your family


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## doctorcathy (May 17, 2004)

that totally sucks! if only you could send him to brat camp.







i hope everything gets better though. and i totally get what youre saying about how 3 kids are totally different w/ the same parents. my brother just ruined his credit and can never work with stocks ever again. he embezzled money from his clients.







and he's 33 yrs old! 

i hope you can figure something out...or that someone here can help you.


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## AJ (Jun 5, 2005)

I'm so sorry







I hope everythng goes well. I wish I could help you


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## Quincymom (Oct 17, 2004)

I am so sorry for everything you and your family are going through. As a parent I know how much you want to take care of and make everything better for your children. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.


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## Puddles Mom (Jun 20, 2004)

Just remember you have done all you can do, you can't continue to do every thing for him even if he's your child. I know you love him, but he's a man now and it's time for him to handle matters. He may be in trouble and he may go to jail, but this could wake him up and see how he had messed up his life and do a turn around. 

Open your heart and turn every thing over to the Lord, he will see you and your family thu all this. 

You and your family will be in my prayers.


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## pico's parent (Apr 5, 2004)

It is baffling and so sad when a child fails to become a responsible adult. You really can't do any more for him and I think you know it. It must feel as though you've lost him to see him do the polar opposite of what you raised him and taught him to do.

You'll always have that ache in your heart for the one who went wrong but be mindful that you give credit and attention (and you have, apparently) to the ones that went right and give yourself a big pat on the back for them because raising children is not easy!

My heart goes out to you.


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## k/c mom (Oct 9, 2004)

I am so sorry for what you are going through.


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## fach (Jun 27, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Princess'sMom_@Jul 28 2005, 02:17 AM
> *I know I'm new here, but since I've been sick the past couple of years and can't work I don't have many friends anymore. I don't get out much, so this site means more to me than I can tell you, and so does my new baby. Anyway.....
> 
> I had posted before about my son, Erik, being in the Navy, on an aircraft carrier, somewhere in the Persian Gulf. I didn't, however, mention that he has been having major emotional problems, financial problems, and he is in trouble with the law. He is only 21 years old.
> ...


[/QUOTE]
You poor dear. being a mother too i can imagine how torn your heart is. trying to decide the right thing. Sometimes you have to be tough and other times soft. i would definetly get the car away away from him so he doesn't drive it and maybe have an accident. You co signed, and with no insurance would be drug into legal nightmares. if he has emotional problems i think maybe he needs more help than he can receive at home. look into some professional help. If he is suicidal maybe he can be forced into treatment for his own good. However, it is possible he needs to be on his own a bit to appreciate the caring family he has. It would be difficult as a mom not to intervene, but you just might not have a choice. We will all pray for you. There are lots of caring folks here with big shoulders for you to cry on.


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## MalteseJane (Nov 21, 2004)

I don't know why some kids are turning up that way. You have done everything to give him a good start in life. Now it's up to him. Free choice. His life will be what he is making out of it. I know what you are going through. My sister in law and husband have not heard from their son in years. They don't know if he is still alive or not. The last time they saw him was when he extorted money from them with a boggus check. They suspected the check was no good, but gave him the money anyway.


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## Princess'sMom (Jul 23, 2005)

> _Originally posted by tlunn_@Jul 28 2005, 06:14 AM
> *Oh man! I don't know what to say...I guess situations like this are what all parents fear somewhere deep inside.
> 
> 
> ...


[/QUOTE]


Thank you for saying things I needed to hear, but have been afraid to admit. I am beginning to realize that I do need to "Let go, and Let God". We do our best as parents and sometimes it is just out of our hands. What you said made me think about what God would do, what he does do. He would let us know he is there for us, leave it up to us to make up our own minds, and be there when we fall. Maybe that's all I can do, but it is still very, very hard. Thank you so very much for all your prayers. Maybe collectively, between all the praying being done out there for my son and my praying an angel, or angels, will intervene and through the help of our Dear Lord my son will get the help he needs, help I cannot give him.
Thank you for the hugs, they are of great comfort.








Fredda


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## Princess'sMom (Jul 23, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Kodie_@Jul 28 2005, 06:42 AM
> *I hate to say it but this story sound just like my cousin.  He is an only child though.  He has caused nothing but problems for my aunt and uncle.  I think the only difference is that my cousin was violent.  They adventually had to ask him to move out.  He finally did after 5 years of complete mishaps at his home... When he moved out he had problems as well of course... he was living in the worst places you could image.  He also was dating someone that did nothing but take his money.  He was in soo much debt and has the worst credit.  I dont have any advice really... because I see what my cousin does to my aunt and it brakes my heart.  Sometimes my aunt will tell me how upset she  is about something soo i try to give my cousin a heads up and tell him what he could do for his mother.  He always says to me "dont worry, i will"... and never comes through with what he says hes gonna do.
> 
> 
> ...


[/QUOTE]

Thank you for such kind words and concern. I am so sorry for what your aunt has gone through. Then losing her husband suddenly, so sad. Hopefully, this time your cousin will keep his word. Yes, I do agree that some children have to learn the hard way, on their own. Thank you for saying that I'm a good mother. Sometimes as mothers we doubt ourselves, for there is no class to teach us, but when we have given all our love and feel helpless, hopeless, it is through the kindness of friends thay we make it through.








Fredda


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## Princess'sMom (Jul 23, 2005)

> _Originally posted by scrappy_@Jul 28 2005, 07:17 AM
> *Sending a big
> 
> 
> ...


[/QUOTE]

Thank you for the hugs. It comforts and helps me.








Fredda


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## Princess'sMom (Jul 23, 2005)

> _Originally posted by msmagnolia_@Jul 28 2005, 07:38 AM
> *Fredda,
> I'm so glad that you found SM and can feel free to vent here.  Maybe that will help you.  I am so sorry that you and your family are going through such a tough situation.  My instinct is to agree with the others that it might be time for tough love.  Unfortunately, I guess none of us know what we would do until we find ourselves in the situation.  I have known some really nice people who have raised some really nice children and then one of them has a problem that continues to escalate.  I don't think that it means that you were a bad parent!  As an adult it may be time for your son to accept responsibility for his own actions.  As long as you let him know that he is loved, I think it is also OK to let him know that he must find his own way out of the problems.  The problems of the heart (trouble with the girl friend) are the worst.  I've seen it with my own children.  A boyfriend problem can make a perfectly rational, smart person go completely nuts for a while.
> 
> ...


[/QUOTE]

Thank you so much. It's comforting to know that I'm not alone. Yes, it may well be time for "Tough Love". I'm just worried he will hurt himself or someone else, but you are right, I can't fix his life for him. He must do that on his own. We have tried talking to the girl, but she is very naive and won't listen. Yes, it is putting a strain on our marriage. If things don't get better soon my husband and I may need counceling. Whatever I have to do to save my family I must do. Talking this out with those who are looking in is helpful, and it's a start. I must stay as strong as possible, and I will keep praying.








Fredda


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## Princess'sMom (Jul 23, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Lexi's Mom_@Jul 28 2005, 07:42 AM
> *Sorry I don't have any advice.  But feel to vent anytime.
> 
> 
> ...


[/QUOTE]

Thank you for listening. It does help.







Fredda


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## Princess'sMom (Jul 23, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Caesar's Mommie_@Jul 28 2005, 07:52 AM
> *You guys are going through and have been through way more than anyone needs to be!  My thoughts are with you guys
> 
> 
> ...


[/QUOTE]

Thank you for your kind words and keeping my family in your thoughts.







Fredda


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## Princess'sMom (Jul 23, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Scoobydoo_@Jul 28 2005, 08:01 AM
> *I am so sorry you are going through such a sad time with your son. I do hope one day he does come to his senses and take resposiblity for his actions. He is still young and I am sure one day he will sort himself out and see where he is headed and perhaps make the necessary changes. Often it takes a rude awakening and then they tend to see the err of their ways. I will pray that this happens for him and real soon, for your sake and his.
> 
> 
> ...


[/QUOTE]

Yes, it is a sad time indeed, but where would any of us be without hope. Maybe one day he will straighten out and get his life together. As they say: somtimes you have to hit rock bottom before you climb your way back up, when there is no where else to go but up. Thank you for your prayers, it means a lot.







Fredda


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## Princess'sMom (Jul 23, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Msloke_@Jul 28 2005, 08:06 AM
> *So sorry to hear all you're going thru but please remember it is not your fault.  Adult children sometimes make bad choices in life and hopefully he will realize it and begin to change and make amends.  Good luck to you and let us know how things are going, good or bad.  When you need someone to listen, we're here.
> Take care.
> 
> ...


[/QUOTE]

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.








Fredda


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## Princess'sMom (Jul 23, 2005)

> _Originally posted by scottchelf_@Jul 28 2005, 08:43 AM
> *Pray, pray, pray and pray, and know that you are being prayed for.
> 
> 
> ...


[/QUOTE]

Prayers keep me going. Thank you for them. I am indeed praying, praying, praying. Sometimes that's all a mother can do.








Fredda


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## Princess'sMom (Jul 23, 2005)

> _Originally posted by sheila2182_@Jul 28 2005, 08:48 AM
> *Im so sorry you and your family are going through this.It sounds to me that you have tried everything to help your son,now I believe also just let him know he is loved and you are theret o support him emotionaly..but thats it.
> It is time to use tough love.Im speaking of my own personal experence when I say that.My family went through something simaliar but drugs were involved. After we tried everything...counseling included we had to go the tough love way.Other wise you become an enabler. You are very brave to share this,and we are all here to support you anytime. God Bless &
> 
> ...


[/QUOTE]

Thank you for listening and sharing. It helps that others tell me I am, and have been a good mother. Right now I am a little torn, but I believe you are right. We will again tell him we are there for him, we love him no matter what, and he will always be our son. Thank you for all the hugs and support.







Fredda


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## Princess'sMom (Jul 23, 2005)

> _Originally posted by paris_@Jul 28 2005, 09:52 AM
> *I am so sorry to hear about your son.  I have no advice to give but please remember that you can always come here to talk about whatever and you and your family will be in my prayers.
> 
> 
> ...


[/QUOTE]

Thank you for your prayers and for listening. It means so very much.







Fredda


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## Princess'sMom (Jul 23, 2005)

> _Originally posted by saltymalty_@Jul 28 2005, 10:07 AM
> *As a parent, it is so hard to see your child unhappy.  Probably one of the greatest fears is that they won't find their own way in this world.  I really have no advice to offer to make your mind at ease.  Trust what your heart is telling you to do.  And please feel free to vent at any time!  That's the beauty of this site.
> <div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=85348*


[/QUOTE]

Thank you for those kind words. You're right, I should listen to my heart. This is a warm, wonderful place.







Fredda


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## Princess'sMom (Jul 23, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Bridge_@Jul 28 2005, 10:14 AM
> *Sorry that you're going through this.  Will pray for you and your son.
> <div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=85352*


[/QUOTE]

Thank you for your prayers.







Fredda


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## Princess'sMom (Jul 23, 2005)

> _Originally posted by littlepeanut_@Jul 28 2005, 10:16 AM
> *
> 
> 
> ...


[/QUOTE]

Thank you for your warm wishes and support.







Fredda


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## Princess'sMom (Jul 23, 2005)

> _Originally posted by doctorcathy_@Jul 28 2005, 10:25 AM
> *that totally sucks!  if only you could send him to brat camp.
> 
> 
> ...


[/QUOTE]

How I wish there had been a brat camp 10 years ago! That's too bad about your brother, I'm sorry. I watch my older son struggle with his difficult brother. It is hard on everyone. I sure hope it doesn't take until my son is in his 30's to straigten out, but you never know. Thank you for being there to listen.







Fredda


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## Princess'sMom (Jul 23, 2005)

> _Originally posted by AJ_@Jul 28 2005, 10:38 AM
> *I'm so sorry
> 
> 
> ...


[/QUOTE]

Thank you for the good wishes. You ALL are helping me more than you could ever know, just by listening and being there. Thank everyone for that!







Fredda


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## AJ (Jun 5, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Princess'sMom+Jul 28 2005, 07:39 PM-->
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Thank you for the good wishes. You ALL are helping me more than you could ever know, just by listening and being there. Thank everyone for that!







Fredda
<div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=85579
[/B][/QUOTE]
Just remember we will always be there for you







I'm glad that everyone can be of some help to you.


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## Princess'sMom (Jul 23, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Quincymom_@Jul 28 2005, 01:01 PM
> *I am so sorry for everything you and your family are going through. As a parent I know how much you want to take care of and make everything better for your children. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.
> <div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=85432*


[/QUOTE]

Yes, it is so hard feeling so helpless, not sure of what the right thing is. We raise our children always hoping they will be better than us, have a better life, but I guess there is only so much we can do. I know I don't want to give up on him. I just feel lost. Thank you so very much for the thoughts and prayers. They mean a LOT!







Fredda


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## Princess'sMom (Jul 23, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Puddles Mom_@Jul 28 2005, 01:40 PM
> *Just remember you have done all you can do, you can't continue to do every thing for him even if he's your child. I know you love him, but he's a man now and it's time for him to handle matters. He may be in trouble and he may go to jail, but this could wake him up and see how he had messed up his life and do a turn around.
> 
> Open your heart and turn every thing over to the Lord, he will see you and your family thu all this.
> ...


[/QUOTE]

I want to believe that he will straighten out eventually, but I'm worried that he is suffering from mental illness. I have other family members who have not been mentally stable, but they never tried to hurt anyone else, only themselves. However, they are all female. Him being a male, with a temper, I worry more.
It may well be that going to jail will shock him into straightening out and turning his life around, but I'm so afraid of losing him. I pray pretty much constantly, The Lord is my Savior and I know I'm not alone. Thank you for all your prayers and concern.







Fredda


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## Princess'sMom (Jul 23, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Pico's Parent_@Jul 28 2005, 02:03 PM
> *It is baffling and so sad when a child fails to become a responsible adult.  You really can't do any more for him and I think you know it.  It must feel as though you've lost him to see him do the polar opposite of what you raised him and taught him to do.
> 
> You'll always have that ache in your heart for the one who went wrong but be mindful that you give credit and attention (and you have, apparently) to the ones that went right and give yourself a big pat on the back for them because raising children is not easy!
> ...


[/QUOTE]

Yes, it does feel as though I've lost him. I have told my family that if, God forbid, he had died, it wouldn't be his fault, but him treating us this way by choice is the worst thing of all. I tend to believe that he can't help it, he is sick, and maybe, just maybe, it's not his fault or our fault. It's just is. 

My oldest son just called me. He took his last exam at school and after 8 long years he has his BS in computer engineering and now his Master's degree in business. I'm more proud of him than you can imagin. Today should be such a happy day, but my heart is filled with sorrow. 

Thank you for that wonderful pat on the back. I really needed it.















Fredda


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## Princess'sMom (Jul 23, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Kallie/Catcher's Mom_@Jul 28 2005, 02:54 PM
> *I am so sorry for what you are going through.
> 
> 
> ...


[/QUOTE]

Thank you for those kind words and all the hugs!







back, Fredda


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## Princess'sMom (Jul 23, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Fach+Jul 28 2005, 03:07 PM-->
> 
> 
> 
> ...


You poor dear. being a mother too i can imagine how torn your heart is. trying to decide the right thing. Sometimes you have to be tough and other times soft. i would definetly get the car away away from him so he doesn't drive it and maybe have an accident. You co signed, and with no insurance would be drug into legal nightmares. if he has emotional problems i think maybe he needs more help than he can receive at home. look into some professional help. If he is suicidal maybe he can be forced into treatment for his own good. However, it is possible he needs to be on his own a bit to appreciate the caring family he has. It would be difficult as a mom not to intervene, but you just might not have a choice. We will all pray for you. There are lots of caring folks here with big shoulders for you to cry on.
<div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=85507
[/B][/QUOTE]


Yes, I am so torn. Our fist priority is to get to the base when he arrives and see what kind of a state he is in. Then we are not leaving without selling the car or driving it 2,000 miles home to sell it here. We have never let it go without insurance. The insurance is in our name and his. That has also hurt us, having to cover the insurance when he couldn't. My biggest fear is that he will hurt someone else or himself. I just couldn't stand it if I didn't do everything in my power to prevent something awful like that from happening.
Finding this place just a few days ago was definitely a Godsend! Instead of moping around and crying I have such wonderful support, hugs, and prayers! THANK ALL OF YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!







Much love, Fredda


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## Princess'sMom (Jul 23, 2005)

> _Originally posted by MalteseJane_@Jul 28 2005, 05:08 PM
> *I don't know why some kids are turning up that way. You have done everything to give him a good start in life. Now it's up to him. Free choice. His life will be what he is making out of it. I know what you are going through. My sister in law and husband have not heard from their son in years. They don't know if he is still alive or not. The last time they saw him was when he extorted money from them with a boggus check. They suspected the check was no good, but gave him the money anyway.
> 
> 
> ...


[/QUOTE]

Thank you so much for listening and sharing. That is my one of my fears, that he will end up on the street, on drugs, homeless. That we will have to go day after day, year after year, not knowing if he is dead or alive. I can't even bear to think about it, but it is definitely there in my mind. That may be part of the problem, that we, and your sister in law, have allowed them to take advantage of us, disrespect us, and hurt us this way. So very sad.









MANY, MANY, MANY














TO EVERYONE!
Fredda


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## Char-Luv-4-Maltese (Feb 26, 2005)

My heart goes out to you. I will pray that things start looking up with your family. Wished there was something I do at this time in your life. Stay strong try to look at the good things an it always be worse, . Think positive


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## puppymom (Jun 13, 2005)

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I have also gone through some very difficult times with one of my children andit believe me, you do them no favors by stepping in to bail them oout over and over. You eventually must step back and say I love you but you must face the consequences of what you have done. That may mean time in jail or a ruined credit rating. It is a difficult and painful thing to do. Rescuing them over and over only enables them to continue to get into trouble. Good Luck


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## Bijousmom (May 29, 2005)

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I'm sure that this is a helpless feelling but this is a time for personal responsibility on his part. My thoughts and prayers are with you.


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## Princess'sMom (Jul 23, 2005)

First, I want to thank everyone here at SM who has consoled me, shared with me, prayed for me, and given me hope. 

I wanted to update you all on the latest...

I got a call the other day from my son's ex-girlfriend, who is a wonderful person that I still keep in touch with. She called me to let me know that Erik's more recent girlfriend (the one that wanted to break up with him while he's been on the ship) called her to find out if some of the things Erik had told her were true or not. They talked for a while, comparing lies my son had told them both. It is very troubling to know that my son is treating women this way. I didn't raise him that way. This I know. She also told his ex that when she tried to break up with him my son told her if she did he would kill himself. That's what she was calling to tell me, since she was worried. I immediately e-mailed his supervisor on the ship and asked them to give my son a FULL mental evaluation. A couple of days later they e-mailed me back to let me know that they talked to him and had him checked out by the docs. They said he wasn't a danger to himself or others, but that he was continuing to get counseling. They had him contact me through e-mail, and although the first e-mail was very cold, the second one was a bit warmer. The bad news is that the girl is going to take him in, (she thinks she can help him) and give him another chance. We are worried that if things don't work out between them he will become suicidal again. We are still very worried, but are praying that the counseling helps him. I have been frantically trying to make plans for us to get up to the base in about a week and a half, when he gets there. We will fly up and drive for three days to bring the car home. Then we will have to come up with the money to fix it. Although it is insured there is a big deductible, and we're hoping our rates don't go up. We are praying that the car will make it home without breaking down. It was a really nice Mustang GT, in perfect condition, when he bought it, but now it needs work. He admitted to us that he drove drunk and messed it up. We always stressed to all of our children not to EVER drive drunk!!! PLEASE everyone, keep us in your prayers and thoughts. We have a tough couple of weeks ahead and to top it off my husband and I have been fighting lately. The stress is wearing on both of us. In the mean time I'm trying to get my 12 year old ready for school, which has it's own stresses with a child on the verge of being a teenager!

Again, THANK YOU ALL FOR THE SUPPORT, PRAYERS, THOUGHTS, AND ALL THE KIND WORDS. It has helped me immensely! Oh yeah, thanks for all the







too!






















Fredda


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## Scoobydoo (May 26, 2005)

Oh you poor thing, I wish I could offer some real good advice here but all I can say is that I hope and pray you and your husband can work through this together, you need each other's support at a time like this. Personally I think you both need to get away and have a nice holiday together to rebuild your own lives and don't let your son drive a wedge between you.
We can only do so much for our children, and when they become resposible adults we can be there for them and offer our love and advice if requested, but we cannot let their choices in life destroy our own happiness. 
You also have your 12 year old to think of, and he needs you both right now at this very important stage of his life. 
All I can say is, be there for your son if he asks for advice, don't let him destroy your lives with his problems, as much as you love him and I know you do or you wouldn't be doing all that you are for him, but he is an adult now and perhaps if he is made to face up to his own mistakes he may learn to better himself. I think he should seek professional help and get himself on the right track.
I do hope all works out for you and your family


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## hambys97 (Feb 25, 2005)

I am so heartbroken to read of all your heartache. Life is so terribly unpredictable. I can't offer any advice, but I too know the troubles that come with a family member making the wrong choices. I have an uncle (1 year older than I) who has made life pretty miserable. He got into drugs and alcohol at a young age, and never looked back. The rest of my family has given up on him. I simply have never been able to do that...but I have finally come to the understanding that I cannot change him. Only God can do that. I know that bad things very well may happen to him, and I would hate that. But I also know that I have done everything in my power to help him, and that God will take care of things in the ways that He see fit. I may not talk to my uncle very often anymore, but if I do see him, or talk to him, I always let him know that I am here to offer support and love if he should want it. I think that is all I can do. I think that is ALL you can do at this point. Please just remember that He is in control, and no one blames you. My prayers will definitely include you and all of your family at this most turbulent of times. And remember "what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger"...


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## Brinkley & Neyland's Mom (Jun 14, 2004)

Bless you!








I am sure all of this is hard on your 12 year old also.








Big hugs to all of you!!!!!


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## msmagnolia (Sep 8, 2004)

Thanks for updating us - I've been thinking about you. Is your son still being discharged from the military? I will keep your family in my thoughts and will hope and pray for the best for all of you.


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## Princess'sMom (Jul 23, 2005)

> _Originally posted by scrappy_@Aug 4 2005, 03:09 AM
> *Here's another one for you
> 
> 
> ...


[/QUOTE]

Thank you
















Fredda


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## Princess'sMom (Jul 23, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Scoobydoo_@Aug 4 2005, 06:44 AM
> *Oh you poor thing, I wish I could offer some real good advice here but all I can say is that I hope and pray you and your husband can work through this together, you need each other's support at a time like this. Personally I think you both need to get away and have a nice holiday together to rebuild your own lives and don't let your son drive a wedge between you.
> We can only do so much for our children, and when they become resposible adults we can be there for them and offer our love and advice if requested, but we cannot let their choices in life destroy our own happiness.
> You also have your 12 year old to think of, and he needs you both right now at this very important stage of his life.
> ...


[/QUOTE]

You are right that my husband and I need to work things out together. The hard part is that I'm the one who makes all the arrangements, send the e-mails, books the flights, hotel, rental car, get the maps ready, works out the whole itinerary, while trying to keep the costs down. I got most of that done today, so I'm feeling a little less stressed out tonight. I am praying for patience and the ability to keep my mouth shut when I should. That can be hard for me, :lol: Why are women the ones most often who take care of almost everything? Thank you for pointing out those important things to me. Yes, I think it's time I let him make his own mistakes and clean up his own messes. If he needs me for support he knows where I am. I must be there for my 12 year old daughter, she's wonderful, and she needs me right now most of all!







Fredda


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## Princess'sMom (Jul 23, 2005)

> _Originally posted by hambys97_@Aug 4 2005, 06:45 AM
> *I am so heartbroken to read of all your heartache.  Life is so terribly unpredictable.  I can't offer any advice, but I too know the troubles that come with a family member making the wrong choices.  I have an uncle (1 year older than I) who has made life pretty miserable.  He got into drugs and alcohol at a young age, and never looked back.  The rest of my family has given up on him.  I simply have never been able to do that...but I have finally come to the understanding that I cannot change him.  Only God can do that.  I know that bad things very well may happen to him, and I would hate that.  But I also know that I have done everything in my power to help him, and that God will take care of things in the ways that He see fit.  I may not talk to my uncle very often anymore, but if I do see him, or talk to him, I always let him know that I am here to offer support and love if he should want it.  I think that is all I can do.  I think that is ALL you can do at this point.  Please just remember that He is in control, and no one blames you.  My prayers will definitely include you and all of your family at this most turbulent of times.  And remember "what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger"...
> 
> 
> ...


[/QUOTE]

Thank you for understanding and sharing. It helps. That's too bad about your uncle. I hope he gets better someday soon. I know your right. All I can do now is pray and be there for support. I know God loves me and my son. He will watch over him and keep him safe, I pray. My son knows we love him and we've done all we can. It is up to him now. Yes, this won't kill me. I'm determined that it WILL make me stronger.







Fredda


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## Princess'sMom (Jul 23, 2005)

> _Originally posted by tlunn_@Aug 4 2005, 06:46 AM
> *Bless you!
> 
> 
> ...


[/QUOTE]

Thank you for the hugs. My 12 year old daughter and I spent time shopping for some of her school clothes yesterday, and we got her a couple of things for the trip. We have decided to make the best of it and see a few sights while we are there. My oldest son is going to fly out a day later and meet us. It will be a nice break for us, while still trying to pick up the car and drive 2,000 miles home. We will have to board our two chihuahuas at the kennel, but my new baby, Princess, is going with us! I've found an airline that allows her to be in the cabin with me and I found a nice hotel, for a good price, that allows pets. My son will pick up the chis three days later. Maybe two weeks from now things will be better. I'll try and stay hopeful.







Fredda


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## Princess'sMom (Jul 23, 2005)

> _Originally posted by msmagnolia_@Aug 4 2005, 07:51 AM
> *Thanks for updating us - I've been thinking about you.  Is your son still being discharged from the military?  I will keep your family in my thoughts and will hope and pray for the best for all of you.
> <div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=87086*


[/QUOTE]


Yes, sadly, they are still discharging him. It will be a general discharge (under honorable conditions), so fortunately for us, he will have VA benefits and can get the care he needs. He won't, however, have the G.I. bill to go to school. That's too bad, because that may be what he needs, more education to better his life. But that's what he gets. He made a commitment and was only able to honor 1/2 of it.
Thank you for keeping us in your prayers. So many of us praying can help a lot.







Fredda


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## Scoobydoo (May 26, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Princess'sMom+Aug 5 2005, 03:32 AM-->
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Yes, sadly, they are still discharging him. It will be a general discharge (under honorable conditions), so fortunately for us, he will have VA benefits and can get the care he needs. He won't, however, have the G.I. bill to go to school. That's too bad, because that may be what he needs, more education to better his life. But that's what he gets. He made a commitment and was only able to honor 1/2 of it.
Thank you for keeping us in your prayers. So many of us praying can help a lot.







Fredda
<div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=87329
[/B][/QUOTE]

Well he is very fortunate that they did that and perhaps he should now realize that with this care that he can get he should take advantage of it and get back on his feet and start fresh. I pray he does that now, and that he can move forward and make a new life filled with success.


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## paris'mom (Jul 14, 2004)

I didn't respond before because I am not a parent (yet, considering my little fur ball is my only child so far) and I didn't dare to say that I understand why and how this is happening.

I guess what I do want to tell you, from personal experience, is that when you still have a very impressionable child at home (the 12 yr old), you should be more careful on how this situation is handled. 

From personal experience, the child at home can possibly:
1. lose respect for his parent's authority (because it obviously can be exploited)
2. lose incentive to be a good kid (why? mom/dad still will do anything for them)
3. become depressed/act out due to all the attention is now placed on the ADULT brother.

You see what I am saying? If you were a good parent to this child and have tried above & beyond to help him- just let go. You're primary respnsibility is now the minor that is still at home and still needs your attention.

I don't know if you and your husband is arguing more due to the stress of the situation. From my personal experience, one parent will usually want to be more firm and the other wants to "take care of the child and save him from harm" and that can cause a strain on the marriage as well. 

Please take care of yourself and the family that is still there. 

Love,
Mimi


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## Princess'sMom (Jul 23, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Paris'Mom_@Aug 5 2005, 05:06 PM
> *I didn't respond before because I am not a parent (yet, considering my little fur ball is my only child so far) and I didn't dare to say that I understand why and how this is happening.
> 
> I guess what I do want to tell you, from personal experience, is that when you still have a very impressionable child at home (the 12 yr old), you should be more careful on how this situation is handled.
> ...


[/QUOTE]

Thank you so much for your reply. You have valid points that, believe me, I have thought of, and considered. She has seen how her brother has messed up, and I think it's done just the opposite, it's helped her to realize his behavior is not acceptable and she definitely doesn't want to go down that road. We talk a lot as a family, and even though this may put some stress on my 12 yr. old, it also lets her know that her feeling and opinions on this matter are important to us. She is my number 1 focus, not her brother. Although I love him as much as my other children, and his actions hurt all of us, he must now clean up his own mess. He is an adult. We will be there for support and advice if he wants it, but we will not bail him out any more. I realize now that by 'helping' him I was actually being a 'crutch' for him. That is not healthy for either one of us. He will always be part of our family, but he is not the only part. He is old enough to take care of himself, my daughter is not. As for the argueing, well it's kind of hard because my husband is not the type to worry as much as me. He is the quiet kind of father, the type that leaves things up to me mostly. Saying all that, he is not left out. Although he doesn't speak out and offer advice as much as I do, he is there to support and love our children, as any good father would. We will be going to pick up the car soon. If our son has no where else to go, we will offer to let him live at home, but under very specific conditions. Being a parent is the hardest thing in the world, doing it right is only done through trial and error. What works for some may not work for others. I believe what it really comes down to is love, care, mutual respect, and just doing the best you can under the circumstances. Sometimes, prayer is all you have, and in troubled times it definitely sees me through. God Bless.








Fredda


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## Brinkley & Neyland's Mom (Jun 14, 2004)

> _Originally posted by Princess'sMom+Aug 6 2005, 01:27 AM-->
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Thank you so much for your reply. You have valid points that, believe me, I have thought of, and considered. She has seen how her brother has messed up, and I think it's done just the opposite, it's helped her to realize his behavior is not acceptable and she definitely doesn't want to go down that road. We talk a lot as a family, and even though this may put some stress on my 12 yr. old, it also lets her know that her feeling and opinions on this matter are important to us. She is my number 1 focus, not her brother. Although I love him as much as my other children, and his actions hurt all of us, he must now clean up his own mess. He is an adult. We will be there for support and advice if he wants it, but we will not bail him out any more. I realize now that by 'helping' him I was actually being a 'crutch' for him. That is not healthy for either one of us. He will always be part of our family, but he is not the only part. He is old enough to take care of himself, my daughter is not. As for the argueing, well it's kind of hard because my husband is not the type to worry as much as me. He is the quiet kind of father, the type that leaves things up to me mostly. Saying all that, he is not left out. Although he doesn't speak out and offer advice as much as I do, he is there to support and love our children, as any good father would. We will be going to pick up the car soon. If our son has no where else to go, we will offer to let him live at home, but under very specific conditions. *Being a parent is the hardest thing in the world, doing it right is only done through trial and error. What works for some may not work for others. I believe what it really comes down to is love, care, mutual respect, and just doing the best you can under the circumstances. Sometimes, prayer is all you have, and in troubled times it definitely sees me through. God Bless.*








Fredda
<div align="right">index.php?act=findpost&pid=87713
[/B][/QUOTE]


My heart breaks for you!








I too had some of the same feelings as Mimi, because I TEACH those children that are the age of your daughter...I just couldn't find a way to express my concern for her without stepping on toes. It sounds like she is a mature and intelligent 12 year old...and she will be fine. I am sure she is hurting for her brother much like you are.

Your statement at the end is SO true. These precious skin kids don't come with instruction manuals for EVERY situation. We can read the help books and the advice of others-but in the end, we have to do what WE feel is right and PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. Even when our best efforts fail...we must PRAY, PRAY, PRAY that our children find their way back to the right path and remember all the "raising" we gave them. I try to remember-"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it." 

Good luck today!!! You will be in my thoughts and prayers.


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