# The high cost of beauty and the pain of loosing it



## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

As a child my sister was kind of an ugly duckling. She was overweight and wore glasses to try to correct a "lazy eye." But when she turned fifteen she blossomed into a great beauty. Everybody loved her. I remember a time when we almost missed a flight out of Newark, when the PILOT carried our bags running to the plane. All because she was so pretty. People go out of their way for pretty women. But once you reach age forty it is all over. 

All her assets were wrapped up in her beauty. When she lost it, just by age alone she fell into a deep depression. It got worse with every year. At age 70 she was alone, without a friend, with nobody to talk to besides her little sister. She died alone in her house, with nobody coming to see if she was okay. It took me a long time to actually call the sheriffs to check on her. It was too late.

My heart hurts beyond any pain I have ever felt. In summary, all I have to say is that being beautiful is not necessarily a good thing. You just need to find a greater value, so that you aren't devastated when it is gone. 

Forgive me if this post is maudlin. I can't remember when I hurt so much.


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## educ8m (May 19, 2010)

Dearest Sylvia, I am so sorry that you are in so much pain. When did your sister die? Are you feeling guilty for not checking on her sooner? 

Our society does value physical beauty beyond almost anything else. I remember reading a survey done with elementary students. They were asked if they had to choose, would they choose to be ugly and live a long and healthy life, or would they choose to be beautiful and die much younger. Children overwhelmingly chose to be beautiful. 

I can see how aging would be difficult for someone who was always the "beautiful one" . 

I wish I could take your pain away. Hugs to you my friend.:smootch:


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

educ8m said:


> Dearest Sylvia, I am so sorry that you are in so much pain. When did your sister die? Are you feeling guilty for not checking on her sooner?
> 
> Our society does value physical beauty beyond almost anything else. I remember reading a survey done with elementary students. They were asked if they had to choose, would they choose to be ugly and live a long and healthy life, or would they choose to be beautiful and die much younger. Children overwhelmingly chose to be beautiful.
> 
> ...



Thank you my dear friend. I wish you could put your arms around me and I could feel the comfort of you special, caring person. I know, if you were with me you would ease my pain. But, even so your words, and the fond memory of your kind and caring soul, give me comfort. You are a very special friend to me...forever.


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

Sylvia - I'm so sorry that you have such painful memories that come back to visit you at time. It's true that beauty is fleeting and though society values it, there are so many things that are of so much more value. A good, loving heart, compassion, a sense of humor and smarts (not necessarily school smarts) go a much longer way. We can't live another's life and I know you feel like you wish there would have been something you could do to make a difference for your sister, but alas, not always the cards we're dealt. Sending you tons of :grouphug:


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## Zoe's Mom88 (Apr 25, 2011)

Sylvia, so sorry your feeling this pain. There is so much in life that we don't see or understand until its too late. There is too much emphasis on looks and beauty, how thin we are etc. The most important thing is who we are on the inside and what we feel and give to others. I don't know the story with your sister but don't blame yourself for something you may or may not have done.

Hugs to you!


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## mysugarbears (Aug 13, 2007)

Sylvia, i'm so sorry to hear that your in so much pain. I wish i could find the right words to say to ease your pain, i wish i could give you a hug in person, but i can give you a virtual hug. :hugging:


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## angel's mom (Feb 14, 2007)

I'm sending you a virtual hug also. I hate that you are hurting so badly. When did your sister pass away?


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## sherry (Jan 4, 2013)

I'm so sorry for your pain! I know when you're in it, it gets hard to find the strength to walk away from it. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other til you get there! Hugs!


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## The A Team (Dec 1, 2005)

Oh Sylvia! Did this just happen recently? How sad...and tragic that your sister died so lonely. It just makes me want to cry.

Beauty is a good thing, but life is too short to get hung up on it. 


My heart is breaking with yours, I'd like to give you a hug too. Maybe we should have a group hug...:grouphug:


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## Furbabies mom (Jul 25, 2011)

I can't imagine how you feel, because that makes me so sad. I guess try to remember the wonderful things that you and your sister shared. Hugs to you!!


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

Sylie, thank you for posting this. . . I have been working through a book with some ladies called "Captivating." Essentially it is based on exactly what you are saying---that our culture is hung up on beauty. It goes on to say that each person God creates w/something captivating . . . it is up to us to find what that particular strength is for each one of us and to practice it so that our lives reflect who He created us to be---whatever it is. We find a great deal of fulfillment in becoming that person. 
I very much like this thought & believe it to be true. I have friends that shine in ways I could never touch, and should not aspire to---just be ready to affirm it in them. I love looking for that in each person and trying my best to recognize & affirm it every chance I get. I feel that others do the same for me and I can truly own the gifts God has entrusted me with---not because of any merit of my own, but because He loved & created me to reflect a genuine part of who He is. 
Please be kind to yourself Sylvia. Your gift of integrity & honesty blows me away---esp. in today's world. Let it shine in all its glory.
I hope one day to meet you and embrace the person whom I have come to admire in her true beauty. :wub:


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

Heartfelt thanks to each and every one who posted kind words. This happened this past Thursday, after so much worry and fear. I really tried not to mention it on SM, but you know me, one margarita and I can't keep my mouth shut.

However, in the light of day, I wish I had not burdened you with this sad situation. I would like to leave this post to fade into oblivion.

But, I thank you for the hugs. She was my only biological sister, but I have a lot of spirit sisters to be grateful for. :grouphug:


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## KAG (Jun 1, 2006)

Sylvia, 40? How the **** did you come up with that number. I'm sorry, sweet girl, just trying to get you to laugh a little. 

Perhaps maybe now that your sister is in heaven, she's the person you always wanted her to be. 

And yes, you're a beautiful lady inside and out.
Xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxox


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## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

Oh, Sylvia, this is soooooooooooooooooo recent. No wonder you're in so much pain. Grieving is a normal and natural process and both guilt and anger are a part of the process. I know how guilty I still feel over Jerry and my Mom -- so many things I should have, could have, would have done. And anger too -- especially at the fact that once you reach a "certain age" society, in general, feels that we shouldn't spend too much on trying to keep you alive, shouldn't go above and beyond so to speak.

I so wish we were closer so that we could just sit and talk, cry together and hug each other. You have my phone number and when you're up to talking about this, give me a call. (Even if you just need to cry) In the meantime, I'm sending virtual hugs and lots of prayers your way.


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## Bailey&Me (Mar 8, 2010)

So sorry for your loss, Sylvia. 


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## Orla (Jul 5, 2009)

Sylvia, I am so sorry for your loss


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## StevieB (Feb 2, 2012)

Sylvia I am so sorry you are feeling so much sadness. I am glad you shared with us. We all care about you so much and so hopefully your sharing with us means we can relieve you of some of the burden. I know you were a good sister to her and I hope you can start to let go of whatever guilty feelings you may have or sad memories of your sister's later life, and you can focus on the happy memories. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

I had friends who were more more beautiful than I was. Now as we age a couple committed suicide over loosing their youth and beauty. Guess being average may not have it's perks in our youth, the way beauty does but it keeps us grounded in reality.

I'm so sorry for your sister and your loss. You always saw her as beautiful, no matter her age... we can see that.


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## revakb2 (Sep 8, 2006)

I am so sorry for your loss. May she in rest in peace.:grouphug::grouphug:


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## zooeysmom (Aug 1, 2011)

Sylvia, I'm so very sorry for your loss  Thank you for sharing your story with us. I hope in time your heart will heal. Sending you hugs and love.


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## Deborah (Jan 8, 2006)

I am so very sorry for your loss. Hopefully when your pain eases you will be able to remember the fun times you had together with each other.
With deepest sympathy,
Deborah


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## CorkieYorkie (Apr 10, 2012)

I'm so sorry for your loss, Sylvia.


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## preisa (Mar 7, 2013)

My thoughts and prayers are with you.


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## silverhaven (Sep 6, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss Sylvia, you must be really raw right now. :grouphug: :grouphug:


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## Maisie and Me (Mar 12, 2009)

Sylvia, I am sad for the loss of your sister. LIke someone said she is now the beautiful person she was meant to be inside and out. May she now rest in peace and many hugs to you :wub::grouphug::grouphug:


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## wkomorow (Aug 26, 2011)

Sylvie,

I am so sorry for your lost. I hope you can take comfort in your earlier memories of her, back when she was happy. It is so difficult losing some one so close to you. Your mind will focus on her for quite some time, but your pain will fade and you will be left with warm memories.

I will be thinking of you. 

Take care. 

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## Kathleen (Aug 4, 2011)

Sylvia, I am so sorry for your loss of your sister. and for the pain that you are in.
Thinking of you and wishing you some peace.


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## lynda (Oct 11, 2005)

Sylvia, I am so, so sorry for the loss of your beloved sister. Please accept my sincere condolences. I am sending you lots of hugs and I truly hope you can feel my arms around you and know that I am there for you in spirit. May your pain soon ease and the memories of your sister bring a smile to your face.


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

All you dear, kind people have given me much comfort. I know that the pain will diminish over time...and I believe what you have said, that soon I will be able to focus on the happy memories.

I honestly do not feel guilty, because I know I did the best I was able to do. Maybe a stronger person could have taken charge, but I never try to force my beliefs on anyone, rather I respect their wishes. Respecting what I knew my sister would want, stopped me from calling the sheriff sooner. I do not regret that choice. I realize that by the time I became seriously concerned, it was already too late.

Thank you dear friends. :wub:


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## ladodd (Jan 8, 2012)

Sylvia, I'm sooo sorry for your loss. You should have told us, so we could shoulder some of your grief. We are all here for you. Go have another margaritas and toast to the good memories.


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## cheekyradish (Mar 24, 2013)

I'm sorry for your loss.


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## Maidto2Maltese (Oct 19, 2004)

Oh Sylvia... I'm late at this..but want you to know how very sorry I am! 

I'm so glad to see you do no feel any sense of guilt because you shouldn't! ..I truly believe "life" plays out in the ways that are 'meant to be". 
It's taken me a lot of years to come to that conclusion, but in so many areas as I look back and many times did the 'woulda, shoulda, coulda"..over time I realized that things happened as that were meant to happen. 

Know I have you in my thoughts and prayers and hope the memories of the good times bring you peace and comfort.


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## chichi (Apr 12, 2007)

Sylvia, I am so sorry for your loss.:grouphug:


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## Yogi's Mom (Jan 6, 2013)

*Oh Dear Friend I Just seen this right now.*
*My Heart is hurting for you.*
*You Know What I Have Suffered through,So I Do Understand My Sweet Sylie.*
*Ill Be Praying for you . Nothing will Help Now,But I Promise time will help you Heal. In My Thoughts and Prayers.*
*All My Love Nickee**


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## pammy4501 (Aug 8, 2007)

Some people, no matter how old they get, never lose their beauty - they merely move it from their faces into their hearts.


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## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

pammy4501 said:


> Some people, no matter how old they get, never lose their beauty - they merely move it from their faces into their hearts.


So sweet and so true!!!


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## maltese manica (Nov 6, 2012)

Sylvia I'm really sorry for your loss of a sister! I wish I could take away your pain!


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

pammy4501 said:


> Some people, no matter how old they get, never lose their beauty - they merely move it from their faces into their hearts.





Lacie's Mom said:


> So sweet and so true!!!


Of course this is true, but it is so much more complicated. People treat beautiful women, cute young women differently. All too often never even interested in knowing the soul or spirit of the person.

At Nationals I absolutely adored Cory. She was a joy to behold in every way. Truly beautiful to look at in the same way her Bibu and Kissy are, a joy to behold. But her beauty emanated from within. As an older woman, I still have an appreciation for beautiful young women, but only when it is from the inside. That's me. Not all of our society thinks this way, and no matter how strong you are, society affects you.

I had a friend who was much younger than I am and as drop dead gorgeous as any Victoria's Secret model. It was very interesting to go places with her. Men would fall over their own feet showering her with attention...and I was totally disregarded. She actually had a very hard time in life.

More often that not, people regard the beauties...men and women...as empty shells, when the person inside is the same as any other. I even think that many people disregard our Maltese as useless, dummies.._.because _they are so beautiful.


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## Yogi's Mom (Jan 6, 2013)

*Nickee**


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

Yogi's Mom said:


> *Nickee**


Yes, we all notice that angels are always represented as creatures of remarkable beauty. Soft and sweet. Has anyone every seen a picture of an angel with a huge nose, acne scars and a pot belly? Has anyone ever seen a picture of an angel represented with gray hair, thin lips and a sagging jowl line? I think not. Even the picture that is representative of Christ is that of a very handsome young man. Soft, sweet and gentle, but beautiful beyond measure.


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## Maidto2Maltese (Oct 19, 2004)

Sylie said:


> Of course this is true, but it is so much more complicated. People treat beautiful women, cute young women differently. All too often never even interested in knowing the soul or spirit of the person.
> 
> At Nationals I absolutely adored Cory. She was a joy to behold in every way. Truly beautiful to look at in the same way her Bibu and Kissy are, a joy to behold. But her beauty emanated from within. As an older woman, I still have an appreciation for beautiful young women, but only when it is from the inside. That's me. Not all of our society thinks this way, and no matter how strong you are, society affects you.
> 
> ...


 
Some time ago one of the networks did experiments on this very matter in various situations... each and every time the 'beauty' got the attention/help/job etc.... and plain-jane ignored. In the job aspect the 'plain-jane' was way more qualified, but it didn't matter. 
There was a time ( a short-time ) when I believed society had 'grown-up' and got past the superficial.. but it didn't last and I think it's worse than ever. 
I will say if a girl is exceptionally pretty they can be lonlier than we realize.. other women can be jealous so true friendships are hard and the gents can be intimidated or insecure and that makes for a challenging relationship. Then there's got to be total frustration to not being taken seriously on an intellectual basis. I think beautiful women have to work twice as hard to 'prove' themselves. ( I never had that problem LOL )


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

Maidto2Maltese said:


> Some time ago one of the networks did experiments on this very matter in various situations... each and every time the 'beauty' got the attention/help/job etc.... and plain-jane ignored. In the job aspect the 'plain-jane' was way more qualified, but it didn't matter.
> There was a time ( a short-time ) when I believed society had 'grown-up' and got past the superficial.. but it didn't last and I think it's worse than ever.
> I will say if a girl is exceptionally pretty they can be lonlier than we realize.. other women can be jealous so true friendships are hard and the gents can be intimidated or insecure and that makes for a challenging relationship. Then there's got to be total frustration to not being taken seriously on an intellectual basis. I think beautiful women have to work twice as hard to 'prove' themselves. ( I never had that problem LOL )


Thank you, Terry. I was trying to make that point, but you said it so much better.


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

I think whatever a persons special gifting---whether beauty or brains---it is also a burden of sorts. Men like women who are beautiful but they are often intimidated by a lady w/a brain! To those kind of men women are objects of art---to be looked at & enjoyed but not engaged in--at least in any real way. It takes a strong man to admit that women have some gifting that is superior to theirs, and to appreciate that for what it is! 
I really like what Pam said & will copy it for further thought!
As an "older" woman I am content with my aging body, well---most of the time! I still appreciate beauty any where I find it and in any form. I don't want plastic surgery. Gee, I don't even like fake Christmas trees! The etchings on a woman's face tell me her life story. I am not at all opposed at looking the best I can at my age, but I say "let the younger generation" enjoy their youth---it fades all too quickly.


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

edelweiss said:


> I think whatever a persons special gifting---whether beauty or brains---it is also a burden of sorts. Men like women who are beautiful but they are often intimidated by a lady w/a brain! To those kind of men women are objects of art---to be looked at & enjoyed but not engaged in--at least in any real way. It takes a strong man to admit that women have some gifting that is superior to theirs, and to appreciate that for what it is!
> I really like what Pam said & will copy it for further thought!
> As an "older" woman I am content with my aging body, well---most of the time! I still appreciate beauty any where I find it and in any form. I don't want plastic surgery. Gee, I don't even like fake Christmas trees! The etchings on a woman's face tell me her life story. I am not at all opposed at looking the best I can at my age, but I say "let the younger generation" enjoy their youth---it fades all too quickly.


Well said, Sandi. I agree...except sometimes I think I would consider plastic surgery, I don't mind wrinkles....I just think it would be kewl to have a chin and neck, rather than a chineck.:HistericalSmiley:


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

Sylie said:


> Well said, Sandi. I agree...except sometimes I think I would consider plastic surgery, I don't mind wrinkles....I just think it would be kewl to have a chin and neck, rather than a chineck.:HistericalSmiley:



:smrofl::smrofl:

You tickle my funny bone!


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## Maglily (Feb 3, 2009)

Dear Sylvie, I'm so sorry for your loss.:grouphug:


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## donnad (Aug 22, 2006)

I am so very sorry for the loss of your sister :grouphug:. My heart goes out to you.


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## vjw (Dec 20, 2006)

Sylvia, my sympathies to you on the loss of your sister. I know this has to be difficult.

I don't think it's fair to totally, 100% stereotype beauty versus ugly. I do agree that overall our culture has run amuck in our quest for youth and beauty. I hate, hate, HATE it that older women have to feel that a plasticized look is better than wrinkles, and that young girls in grade school feel like they have to have surgery or wear make-up to be pretty.

I have a couple of very close female friends who are two of the most beautiful women on the planet and they both have tons of friends. I'm not intimidated by them at all because I'm confident in who I am. I enjoy their friendship for exactly who they are as persons and vice versa.

About 90% of you on this forum would be surprised at the person I really am and have been. We all know of people, even on this forum, who are nice superficially and on their posts, but are pure nastiness behind the scenes. I'm the opposite of that person. I always try to be true to myself and I'm straight-up up honest to a fault. I'm unpretentious and oh, a little sassy and opinionated too. 

I can be as down-to-earth as it gets with no make-up and sweating on the farm, but I do enjoy being a woman and try to look my best with a little lipstick and some nail polish when I go out. For me, it's more that I enjoy femininity and womanhood than I'm TRYING to be something I'm not. I have to work around illness, age, wrinkles, gray hair, and a little extra weight but I DO have abundant traits such as charisma, loyalty to my true friends, and believe it or not, I'm pretty easy going since those monthly hormone issues have resolved. 

I have never been hit-on by so many men (and a woman or two) in my life, and they aren't scrubs either. I have my moments of weakness and have been so very tempted to throw away every bit of my morality when they have been bachelors and handsome. . . and wealthy. . . and they have worried and shown concern while I've been very sick. . . and hubby is grumpy because he's having to deal with life-changing circumstances too. I would've thought no one would have been trying to bust a move on me at this stage in life, and while I've been wearing a wedding band at that! 

Ladies, I've seen your pictures and gotten to really know a few of you, and I ain't seen an ugly one of you yet. Most of you are beautiful inside too.  I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it.

I just saying there are plenty of intelligent, beautiful women who are anything but lonely and there's women like me (and men) who wouldn't be beautiful by Hollywood standards, but who are beautiful just the way our Creator made them, and who are also beautiful by so many other standards.

If there is something or someone in your life who has or who makes you feel less than a beautiful person, and you need help overcoming it, please seek help from a good counselor. I had to do this many years ago and it wasn't pretty emotionally, but it was time and money well spent.


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## vjw (Dec 20, 2006)

Sometimes there's a need for translation when an old Kentuckian writes a post.

A scrub: a guy, who is typically on Welfare, who is very capable of doing better but doesn't because he is lazy.

Grade school: Elementary school


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## zooeysmom (Aug 1, 2011)

vjw, you made me think of the TLC song, "No Scrubs" and now I can't get it out of my head LOL


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## eiksaa (Jun 8, 2012)

Great post, vjw. I agree with everything you said. I feel exactly what you said but couldn't quite put it into words. Since you did such a great job, I will add my thoughts. 

Being friends with model type beautiful women has never intimidated me. I am secure enough in who I am and what perks someone else might or might not get is not my business. Everyone has their own truth, their own struggles; to assume someone has it easy based on how they look is playing to a false stereotype. 

I also have a friend who is just amazingly beautiful. She's on the TV in a reality show and she's pseudo famous. Even before that, people would constantly do double takes to look at her, just because of how gorgeous she is. Still, she is not lonely at all. She has many, many friends who are friends with her because of who she is inside (including me), not because of how she looks or what she does. 

Beauty only takes you so far (just like riches). If there's no substance, your 'friends' will leave whether you're beautiful or ugly. 


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## sophiesmom (Apr 21, 2006)

Sylvia, so very sorry for your recent loss of your beloved sister.Sending prayers and thoughts your way.....


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