# Good news on my mom!!!!



## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

They retested her kidneys and they're functioning better than first thought. She doesnt' qualify for hospice at those levels so maybe she will be here longer than they thought...She still may have only 6 months ,maybe more to live but, it's not as dire as my father tried to make it out to be. He had her dying any time...
I'm so happy, crying happy tears!!!!!!!!
I'm mad that he put us all through this, he wanted it to be the end... I'm just so happy it's not yet.
Wednesday the 1st is her birthday and we'll have more to celebrate then!!!!
I know it's coming and it's hard, not wanting her to suffer but not ready to say good bye...
Maybe those prayers and good thoughts helped!!! Thank you everyone...:chili::chili::chili::chili::chili::chili::chili::chili::chili::chili::chili::chili::chili::chili::chili::chili:


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## Zoe's Mom88 (Apr 25, 2011)

Michelle, I am so happy for you and your Mom. That is great news and knowing you will have more time to spend with her must be a big relief. Enjoy as much time with her as you can. Hugs and prayers for you both.


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## Lprego35 (Nov 8, 2010)

So happy for you! What a blessing!


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## mss (Mar 1, 2006)

That's wonderful to hear! We'll keep you in our thoughts and prayers, especially on her birthday! I hope there is a nice celebration.  :grouphug:


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

Well the other good part is, I was able to get in touch with my brothers again and hopefully they will keep contact and visit mom more, before it's too late. They don't go to visit her...


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## silverhaven (Sep 6, 2009)

I am so happy for you and your family :chili::chili: :chili::chili: :chili::chili: :grouphug:


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## Grace'sMom (Feb 22, 2012)

That is very good news 

Every day counts....


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## Snuggle's Mom (Jan 3, 2008)

what wonderful new for your Mother and her family.


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## educ8m (May 19, 2010)

Michelle, I am so happy for you. More time with our loved ones, especially when we thought our time with them was over, is a precious gift. Hopefully your brothers will start visiting.


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## TLR (Nov 13, 2011)

Best Mothers Day gift ever!!


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## spookiesmom (Mar 28, 2010)

So happy for all of you!!!


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## sherry (Jan 4, 2013)

Wonderful news! So happy for you!


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## Betty Johnson (Feb 24, 2013)

More time...what a blessing. So happy for all if you. We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers. Hugs.


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## maggieh (Dec 16, 2007)

Michelle - what a wonderful blessing! Treasure every moment!


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## wkomorow (Aug 26, 2011)

Great news.


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## pippersmom (May 21, 2012)

awwwww thats great news!


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## mdbflorida (Feb 28, 2013)

I am so happy for you. Tracey is right, best mother's day ever!


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## lmillette (Apr 23, 2012)

Glad to hear this news Michelle! I'm happy you have more time with mom. You both are in my prayers.


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## maltese#1fan (Feb 20, 2012)

michellerobison said:


> Well the other good part is, I was able to get in touch with my brothers again and hopefully they will keep contact and visit mom more, before it's too late. They don't go to visit her...


Michelle, I am so happy for you. That is great news. The power of the SM prayer warriors at work. I hope your brothers do visit. My sister didn't get here before my mom died and she now has to live with that guilt.


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## MoonDog (Jun 6, 2011)

What a blessing!!!


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## hoaloha (Jan 27, 2012)

YAY! That's such wonderful news, Michelle  I'll be praying that each day forward is treasured and spent with lots of joy :hugs:


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

Time is precious, can't afford to waste it, once spent,it's gone forever...


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

I don't know what to do, my father doesn't make her medical decisions , the staff at the nursing home do since she's an abandoned spouse, legally. After she went into the nursing home, he refused to pay and support her, that abandonment put her on welfare and medicaid.

They do family conferences out of a courtesy only.

Unfortunately there is a difference in the level of care and extras that self pay and insurance paid care compared to medicaid.... which is minimal standard of care... So the little extra comforts she could be receiving by him paying or having gotten a long term care policy would have afforded her would make a huge difference in her condition right now...
He thinks his retirement will keep him in comfort, he didn't care about her...

Self and insured pay have nice private rooms and more frequent care and other extras, while medicaid have smaller double rooms, and they sit in their urine and feces much longer between changes thereby increasing UTI issues... I've come in and she's been in bed all day. Or come to see her and find a huge puddle of urine under her wheelchair, and right in front of the nurses station, staff walking by and no one doing anything...

Before my father took me off as emergency contact, they'd call on any changes, He had it set up that way ,to call me first since he didn't understand all that stuff... and didn't want to deal with is,then he met this "Todd" and it all changed...


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## mss (Mar 1, 2006)

Does she have a legal guardian?


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## MalteseJane (Nov 21, 2004)

Michelle, are they divorced ? If not I don't understand how he can avoid paying for her.


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## donnad (Aug 22, 2006)

Good news...will continue to parayer for her.


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

I'm glad to hear that she is feeling better. Your father sounds like a self-centered jerk.


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## Johita (Jul 10, 2009)

I've been following your story on FB and praying for your mom, Michelle. I am glad that she is diong better than expected but I hope there is someway to make her even more comfortable. Continued prayers for her and for you.


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## Summergirl73 (Sep 18, 2011)

Michelle, I'm so glad your Mom is doing better than originally thought! Very happy for you!!!! I may have mentioned on SM before, but I worked in nursing homes and assisted livings for years and specialize in Dementia diseases. (I used to teach families and do staff education for their state required trainings). It is my God given passion - once my immune system strengthens again - I will probably become a volunteer local Ombudsman/Patient Care Advocate. I understand you are probably not up to this, but if you haven't already, contacting your local Agency on Aging and/or Ombudsman is definetly in order. Your local Chapter of The Alzheimer's Association needs to also be aware if there is a care of issue with this facility. Sitting in urine and not being rotated (to prevent bed sores etc) is not acceptable. Your Mother has rights, even if your father is trying to take yours away. She has a right to receive the same quality of care regardless of her pay situation (not the room type, but the human care must be equal). If there's anything I can do to help you and your Mom, I'm just a phone call away. Big hugs!


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## Maisie and Me (Mar 12, 2009)

Michelle, I agree with Bridget , she absolutely should be receiving the same level of care. Did you speak with the staff re her condition and who is now legal guardian? Can you be that person if your father abandoned her? That place could be in big trouble if that type lacking care was done on a consistant basis.
I hope things improve for all of your family.


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## Cyndilou (Jan 24, 2013)

Prayers work!


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## Maglily (Feb 3, 2009)

This wonderful Michelle, so happy for you!


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

I'm going to talk to the director tomorrow, I want to see if anything can be done. My father went to an attorney and did what's called "spousal refusal to support".
He did this to keep all their assets, the main reason she's in the nursing home is because he wasn't taking care of her and it was for her own safety and health. Scares me that they know he wants her dead yet they let him take me off as an emergency contact... sounds like a conflict of interest..He legally can't take her out of the facility due to his lack of care...

He isn't legally allowed to make all the life decisions for her since her abandonment to the state... but they consult him as a curtesy. I accompanied him to all the family conferences on her status, for 3 years, until he got more involved with "Todd". I was there because he didn't understand the medical and with his Parkinson's he usually forgot most of what they said , as soon as we walked out the door and I'd have to explain it all over again,sometimes have to explain three or four times the next day. 

Even the director couldn't figure out why he suddenly changed it...
He obviously isn't getting help in understanding medical from this "Todd". He didn't know mom was on pureed food ,didn't know what pureed was... All things they explain at the family conferences...
He also didn't know what side of her mouth the abscess was on,again all things they explain in those family conferences...


In 1988, Congress passed a law that was intended to protect healthy spouses with lower incomes and fewer independent assets from being impoverished by the cost of long-term care for his/her spouse. It was supposed to help lower income people who were already financially burdened.
He used it to keep his considerable assets, that they earned together, for himself...
Sadly states have allowed it to be used by higher income individuals and even the very wealthy..
*Step 1.* The institutionalized spouse transfers assets to the community spouse. Transfers between a husband and wife are considered exempt by Florida Medicaid and are not subject to a penalty, even if the transfer takes place during the penalty period.
*Step 2.* The community spouse signs a statement that he or she refuses to pay for the incapacitated spouse's care.
*Step 3.* The institutionalized spouse assigns any rights he/she may have against the community spouse. This gives the state the legal right to sue the community spouse for monies it has expended on the incapacitated spouse's nursing care. 


step #3--My father never had my mom sign anything when they did this...

I know this because my husband and I went with him when he was setting up the initial spend down of his portion, as laid out my Family Services and Medicaid, but the pastor of his church told him about spousal refusal, so he asked the pastor to come along ,we didn't know why until later...the pastor the attorney about spousal refusal. 

The attorney explained it, my father asked us what we thought, we told him it was morally wrong and that ,like the attorney explained the state can come back on him for the whole amount,which could easily exceed $300,000 if she lived 5 years,whereby the spend down of $104,000 would be all he was obligated to do.. $104, 000 would really have been mom's part of assets anyway.

He already spent $50,000 on a new Lincoln Town Car,which believe it or not, qualified under the spend down, he was half way there...so would home repairs (which are needed) and other things would have qualified so he still would benefit and not have to give the nursing home a dime...

My father asked the pastor what he'd do... pastor said "refusal", my father gave two thumbs up and said "yeah" he would do the refusal...

He didn't file for divorce to protect assets because he would have had to split them equally,so he did a spousal refusal to support which is a for of abandonment but as long as he visits at least once a month, he can deny intent to divorce. So he shows up right before dinner, wheels her in, eats the free meal (it was free, now it's $2) wheels her back to her room and leaves... As long as he does that, from all outward appearances, it doesn't look like intent to divorce... Eating dinner with her is the only way he can stand her company,they don't talk, just eat..Sadly now she barely talks...


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

Unfortunately they do have a minimum standard of care, assigned to medicaid patients...I worked in a geriatric unit,so I know it's true. If they had insurance you could do little extras.
Standard of care requires ,every two hours to change diapers... generally insurance and self care patients will get it more frequently as we checked then every 15 minutes... From what I saw at mom's facility, they didn't check her every two hours...they did vitals at the beginning and end of each shift but didn't see them checking diapers or when she was in bed, the linen saver mat.

Mom is combative ,she hits, so I doubt they're real motivated to do personal care unless they have to....

If he doesn't understand or retain information they give him, how can the y let him be the one that decides who is the mergency contact? I asked, they said nothing I can do, he's her husband...


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## maltese#1fan (Feb 20, 2012)

Michelle, you should definitely contact the office of aging. Here is a link to the office of aging in Ohio. http://aging.ohio.gov/home/ Your mom has rights and the way she is being treated (sitting in urine) would be considered neglect. Here is a link to resident rights. http://aging.ohio.gov/resources/publications/resrights.pdf Hope this helps. Will keep you both in my prayers.


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

maltese#1fan said:


> Michelle, you should definitely contact the office of aging. Here is a link to the office of aging in Ohio. http://aging.ohio.gov/home/ Your mom has rights and the way she is being treated (sitting in urine) would be considered neglect. Here is a link to resident rights. http://aging.ohio.gov/resources/publications/resrights.pdf Hope this helps. Will keep you both in my prayers.



Thank you, going now!


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## maltese manica (Nov 6, 2012)

My heart is breaking for you and your mom!!! I hope some of the other ladies here may have some way of helping you out!!! I am not sure on how the US laws are!!! Prayers for you and you mommy!!!!


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## KAG (Jun 1, 2006)

So happy you and your Mom have more time together. So sorry Michele your father? stepfather? is such a creep.
Xoxoxoxo


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## mss (Mar 1, 2006)

Michelle, from your description of the abandonment process, it seems like the abandoned spouse has to take part in the process. And I think she could only do her part of the process if she were of sound enough mind, or in legal terms, had the capacity, to sign those documents with knowledge and understanding of what she was doing and their consequences. 

Was your mother suffering from dementia when this was done? If her dementia was severe enough, then the arrangement might be invalid and his actions against the law.

Edited to add: If she had a guardian who did it for her, maybe that guardian should be removed.


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

Summergirl73 said:


> Michelle, I'm so glad your Mom is doing better than originally thought! Very happy for you!!!! I may have mentioned on SM before, but I worked in nursing homes and assisted livings for years and specialize in Dementia diseases. (I used to teach families and do staff education for their state required trainings). It is my God given passion - once my immune system strengthens again - I will probably become a volunteer local Ombudsman/Patient Care Advocate. I understand you are probably not up to this, but if you haven't already, contacting your local Agency on Aging and/or Ombudsman is definetly in order. Your local Chapter of The Alzheimer's Association needs to also be aware if there is a care of issue with this facility. Sitting in urine and not being rotated (to prevent bed sores etc) is not acceptable. Your Mother has rights, even if your father is trying to take yours away. She has a right to receive the same quality of care regardless of her pay situation (not the room type, but the human care must be equal). If there's anything I can do to help you and your Mom, I'm just a phone call away. Big hugs!


Bless you, Bridget. :tender:

Michelle, first of all, I am happy for you and your mother that you are blessed to have more time to spend together. I only hope your brother will follow through and visit her, too.

However, it does make me so angry the very poor care those on Medicad and welfare receive in many nursing home environments. Years ago, I worked in a nursing home as a book-keeper. And, I saw first hand the difference of care for those who had money and were able to place their family members in the upscale "suites" ... even the meals for the wealthier patients were gourmet. 

I'd like to share another link that might help. I realize this is the same firm that represented O J Simpson ... but, I do know they have an excellent record for winning cases against nursing home abuse. I would love to see them take your case pro bono ... because I think the treatment your beloved mother is getting is criminal. Please read their list of abusives that happen in nursing homes.

Nursing Home Abuse Attorney | Nursing Home Neglect Lawyer | The Cochran Firm

Hugs and love to you, Michelle. Your mom is blessed to have you. I hope you enjoy a wonderful Mother's Day with your mother. :tender:


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

maltese#1fan said:


> Michelle, you should definitely contact the office of aging. Here is a link to the office of aging in Ohio. http://aging.ohio.gov/home/ Your mom has rights and the way she is being treated (sitting in urine) would be considered neglect. Here is a link to resident rights. http://aging.ohio.gov/resources/publications/resrights.pdf Hope this helps. Will keep you both in my prayers.


Thank you, Karen, for sharing this link for Michelle. Wow ... this is a great link. :tender:

Once again, this is yet another perfect example as to how wonderful the Spoiled Maltese family can be ... in helping reach out to SM family members who could use some help and support.


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

Words can't describe how I feel about my SM family, love,love,love.:wub::wub::wub::wub::wub::wub::wub::wub::wub::wub::wub::wub::wub::wub::wub::wub::wub::wub::wub::wub::wub::wub::wub::wub:
Who says you can't find real friends online,that become better than family...
Al and my fluffs are my only close by family,though I think Al's folks like me,they've always been nice to me :innocent:


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## Yogi's Mom (Jan 6, 2013)

*Nickee in Pa**


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## mfa (Oct 5, 2009)

Wow, great news Michelle! :chili::chili::chili:


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## mom2bijou (Oct 19, 2006)

Just posted in the other thread and now seeing this one! Continued prayers but so happy to hear this positive report Michelle!!!


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