# My mom , update... not good



## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

My father called he said Hospice came in, they took mom off all meds and have her on Morphine and Ativan... She was on a blood pressure med and Alzhiemers meds. It doesn't look good. Usually morphine will make them sleep and not eat....

I asked my father to put my name back on the list of people they can tell medical info to.He took me off a couple years ago because I quit visiting him because he kept saying he wanted her dead, plus he's been under the influence of a couple young men for his money. He's a lonely old man who only ever wanted "sons",no daughters or the sons he has...

He refused to put my name on the list,in fact asked him why he did it, he wouldn't tell me.. I asked in case I'm in hospital for surgery and he still refused... Pretty bad to deny me my mother in the end, even if I'm in hospital for cancer surgery...

I don't know if it's true or not, I would guess hospice is "speeding up" the process, no doubt at his request so she dies while I'm in hospital...
I hope it's not true...


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## Missyboo (Mar 20, 2013)

Yes, Morphine speeds up the process, especially if she's not eating. Plus she's in hospice. Sorry if I'm being blunt, but they usually last only a few days with the morphine.

I feel really bad for you going through your own battle with cancer, and having to deal with your Dad. He seems to be a bitter person. Don't feel bad we all have to deal with unruly family members. You have done your part, you love your Mom and have many memories with her. Don't let your Dad spoil those memories. 
I truly hope you feel better, keep up the good fight. You will WIN.


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

Michelle, your path seems really dark at the moment. Your dad sounds like a "lost cause" and not worth your energy as you will probably not change him. As for your mom, that is really hard esp. w/all you are facing. I don't know how to pray for you but I will just say "pray, pray, pray" and let God decide what is best for each of you. 
From a human standpoint you are getting "crushed"--please know that there are many of us who are standing w/you and asking for grace for each day. May you feel our prayers. Much love.


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## maggieh (Dec 16, 2007)

We found that with hospice and my mom, morphine didn't "speed up" the process. It took the edge off so she could be quiet and comfortable. Without the combination of morphine and ativan, she was in extreme pain and was moaning and hallucinating. I will never forget what that was like for her.

What does signal that her end is nearing is her not eating, and that is completely part of the natural process of dying with a terminal illness. You might want to look at some sites that describe the phases of dying - I found these to be right on when it came to what my mom was going through. Hospice Patients Alliance - Signs of Approaching Death

I'm so very sorry you are going through this in addition to your own health problems. I don't know what your faith is, but I have to think your mom wouldn't want to see you like this and maybe even will be with you more in spirit than she is able to be now as you walk through your own journey of healing. Remember that she is in your heart, and no one can separate you from that.


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## TLR (Nov 13, 2011)

Praying for peace and comfort for all of you. I'm so sorry you are going through this while dealing with your own illness.


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

maggieh said:


> We found that with hospice and my mom, morphine didn't "speed up" the process. It took the edge off so she could be quiet and comfortable. Without the combination of morphine and ativan, she was in extreme pain and was moaning and hallucinating. I will never forget what that was like for her.
> 
> What does signal that her end is nearing is her not eating, and that is completely part of the natural process of dying with a terminal illness. You might want to look at some sites that describe the phases of dying - I found these to be right on when it came to what my mom was going through. Hospice Patients Alliance - Signs of Approaching Death
> 
> I'm so very sorry you are going through this in addition to your own health problems. I don't know what your faith is, but I have to think your mom wouldn't want to see you like this and maybe even will be with you more in spirit than she is able to be now as you walk through your own journey of healing. Remember that she is in your heart, and no one can separate you from that.


:goodpost:


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## mrsmediauph (Feb 19, 2013)

maggieh said:


> We found that with hospice and my mom, morphine didn't "speed up" the process. It took the edge off so she could be quiet and comfortable. Without the combination of morphine and ativan, she was in extreme pain and was moaning and hallucinating. I will never forget what that was like for her.
> 
> What does signal that her end is nearing is her not eating, and that is completely part of the natural process of dying with a terminal illness. You might want to look at some sites that describe the phases of dying - I found these to be right on when it came to what my mom was going through. Hospice Patients Alliance - Signs of Approaching Death
> 
> I'm so very sorry you are going through this in addition to your own health problems. I don't know what your faith is, but I have to think your mom wouldn't want to see you like this and maybe even will be with you more in spirit than she is able to be now as you walk through your own journey of healing. Remember that she is in your heart, and no one can separate you from that.


:goodpost:

Michelle - you sure do have a lot on your plate. Remember we can't change people, family members or not. We can only change the way we react to them and deal with them. Hold onto the fond memories you have with your mom. Most important - TAKE CARE OF YOU! 

I lost my mom 6 years ago to Pancreatic Cancer. She died at home under hospice care. Once hospice came in she stopped eating and was gone in two weeks.

Continued prayers for you and your family. Hugs, Wanda


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## sherry (Jan 4, 2013)

Our family life cycle is difficult enough when we are healthy. I'm so sorry this is happening when you are having your own battle with cancer. I agree with Maggie, the not eating is the real signal. My Dad did not eat the last 8 days of his life, and my Mom did not eat for probably a week. It is a sad process. Prayers and Hugs!


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## mdbflorida (Feb 28, 2013)

Oh Michelle I am so sorry. Morphine will only speed it up if they give too much. My mom was fine on it until the end where I think they started giving her more. Hang in there.


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## sdubose (Feb 21, 2012)

I am so sorry you are going through this, Michelle. I have been praying for you and your illness. I am now going to add your father to my prayers. I will pray that God reaches him and he has a change of heart.


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## maltese manica (Nov 6, 2012)

Michelle I am so sorry................... I don't know what to think all I know at least you have people here that are standing strong for you.................. and so am I! I wish I could do more for you.................... If I could I would be there to be by your side so fast!


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## wkomorow (Aug 26, 2011)

Michelle,


I am so sorry. I have also been through this with my mother. Morphine will ease the heart, it does not necessarily speed up the journey from this world to the next. Maggie's experience is the same as mine, not eating (anorexia) is an indicator that the time of passing is moving closer. My heart goes out to you, may you find peace with your mother's journey and find the strength to forgive your father.


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## eiksaa (Jun 8, 2012)

Sorry to hear this, Michelle. My thoughts are with your family. 


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

She was eating and drinking on her own. My father is having a fit because she's in and out of consciousness, sleeping a lot on just Percocet and Ativan. She'd wake and smile sometimes when we'd visit, but it took some effort to get her to wake up...They said she wasn't in any pain and that she'd be around for a while.. My father was hoping she'd be gone by now,so I'm sure he had something to do with it..

It's so hard to be around him, he's been saying he wanted her to die since she had her aneurysm in 2004. She actually came back from it, 90%, she could drive and did taxes that same year.. I think he's wanted her gone before that, before she had her knee surgery, he blamed her for ruining his retirement, because she was afraid to have surgery and put it off so her walking slow irritated him.. In 2004, I took them to Japan for their 30th and all he did was yell at her for being slow and unable to climb steps... Japan isn't handicapped friendly, very few handicapped facilities..
A month later she had the aneurysm at a restaurant, she was out for 20 minutes, before he realized it... duh.

He insisted on taking her back to the room, even though emergency personel said she should go to the hospital since she'd been unconscious that long and was disoriented. He said there wasn't anything wrong with her... in the ambulance, she had the big aneurysm that almost killed her. After 3 months or hospital, she was released and got back about 90%. Five years later she start to decline , Alzhiemers, which they missed assuming it was from the aneurysm... He'd leave her alone in the house over the week end, to go see "a certain man" in his life...He'd have a neighbour come and give her morning meds and check to see if she ate her meals... Unreal, so much more...

It just hurts to know she doesn't have a spouse that really loved her, not like I do.I can't imagine how it would be to go through my cancer without Al's love...
Mom always said I was lucky to have Al, she knew my father never loved her like that.
I guess death will be a release for her, she will be in heaven with those who really loved her and I know her soul will be at peace...


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## ladodd (Jan 8, 2012)

Michelle, I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this and your health situation. Family drama is the worst. My FIL had Alzheimer's for years. He was on hospice for about a month before he passed. He had really been gone for a couple of years as he had no quality of life. It took about 10 days of no eating before he left us. All I can say about your Dad is "what goes around, comes around". I will continue my prayers for you and the family. Kiss pups for me.


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

They had an opening for my surgery to be bumped up to this week but they had an emergency case come up and they put them in that spot. That's ok,I understand. With all this going on and I still have the infection in the breast from the last surgery, I need that extra week...


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## Maglily (Feb 3, 2009)

I'm so sorry about all you are going through Michelle, my thoughts are with you and your Mom.


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## Ann Mother (Dec 18, 2013)

*Cody's Mom*

I cannot imagine what you are feeling right now. Try not to dwell on your fathers behavior right now. Older people get weird & paranoid unfortunately and you must not take it personally. You need to save your strength to get better. 
Your mother was probably put on MS & antivan because she was restiless & moaning. My mother died of Alzheimer's. I cared for her with hospice help @ home for the last 2 years. You are getting your info from your Dad & it is not probably completely accurate. My mother would never of eaten anything for the last 6 months if I had not held a glass to her lips. She could not chew anymore. Also she never would ask or seem to desire food or drink. I've worked with many dying of this disease and they all shut themselves down by not eating or drinking. It is called failure to thrive. Horrible to watch for relatives. We cannot be their will to live. Hospice probably stopped her meds because she could no longer swallow them. You are a good daughter and your Mom would want you to take care of yourself and get better. So do that for your Mom. She is comfortable now.:smcry:


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## donnad (Aug 22, 2006)

I am so sorry for what you are going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your mom.


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## TLR (Nov 13, 2011)

Just checking in to see how things are with your mom today. So sorry you are going through this.


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## educ8m (May 19, 2010)

Michelle, I am so sorry that you are in such a dark place in life right now. It seems so unfair to be dealing with all that is on your plate at this time. Losing a parent is hard enough. Having to deal with the other parent who just wants her gone has to intensify the stress and grief with which you are dealing. You are in my prayers.


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

Mom was out of it tonight, she didn't wake up at all when I was there... She ate a tiny bit today and they gave her some water. They use swabs to keep her mouth clean.
She wasn't restless before,she just slept most of the time on the Percocet and Ativan, now with Morphine and Ativan, she's really out of it...
I read to her, out a devotions book she had on the bed table... seems to help... keep hoping something gets through so she knows she's not alone... They keep the TV on all day , maybe for stimulae...


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## chichi (Apr 12, 2007)

Michelle, I am so sorry for what you are going through. No matter what your dear Mom knows that you love her. She knows what your dad is like. Right now you should concentrate on you and your health so you have the strength and stamina to fight the cancer. Your dad is not going to change and that is his loss. Stay strong!!!


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## Maidto2Maltese (Oct 19, 2004)

Oh Michelle...my heart goes out to you ! Just keep the confidence that no matter what... you and your Mom have that special bond.. that love for one another that is unique to just the two of you and neither 'man' nor circumstance will ever change or break that!
Even if she doesn't respond to you...I truly believe she knows you are there.

I do pray that peace and serenity will come to you both.


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## Cutie Patootie (Jun 6, 2010)

Michelle, I am so sorry you are going through so much right now. Sending up prayers for you and your family.


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

chichi said:


> Michelle, I am so sorry for what you are going through. No matter what your dear Mom knows that you love her. She knows what your dad is like. Right now you should concentrate on you and your health so you have the strength and stamina to fight the cancer. Your dad is not going to change and that is his loss. Stay strong!!!



When she had her aneurysm,I stayed at the hospital most of the week coaxing her to eat and talking to her when she was in a coma for 6 weeks. Al would come up with me sometimes...My father would come one day a week and leave...
Mom remembered us being there bit not my father.. so I do believe they are somewhat aware in a coma.

I didn't get much time to see her today but Al will take me tomorrow for a little longer visit...
I go in on the 23rd for surgery, so on the 22,we're leaving to check into a hotel near the hospital for Al and the fluffs. We'll stop on the way and see her again too.
If I'm up to it on the way home, 3.5 hour drive, when I leave the hospital, might check in on her again...


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

I'm just so sorry for your heartache. Especially sorry that it comes at a time when you are fighting your personal battle. I've been through loosing a precious person enough times, but know there will be more times. Thank Medicine for morphine...it makes it easier. By the time they are generous with morphine there is not much hope.

I think you should start proceedings to have your father declared incompetent. Seriously.


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## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

Oh Michelle, I wish I could give you a hug, your going through way to much, I believe your mom knows you are there, keep reading to her and spend as much time as you are able, I am praying God will be merciful with your mom. 
I know your hurting and going through your own battle, I want you to know so many of us are praying for you and your dear mom, God hears our prayers. I do hope you are getting some rest:hugging:


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## maddysmom (Mar 8, 2012)

Michele, I am very sorry that you are going thru this...please know that I am sending positive thoughts and prayers for you and your mom.


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## mfa (Oct 5, 2009)

Michelle, I am so sorry to hear this. Stay strong and please know we are all here for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. :grouphug:


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## BeautifulMaltese (Dec 4, 2013)

So very sorry....prayers for you and your family....


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## hoaloha (Jan 27, 2012)

Michelle, the heartache you feel for your mom is so evident. I hope that she is without pain and that she knows how much you love her. Hugs to you...


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

Michelle, my heart goes out to you. 

I am so sorry that your dad is being so mean spirited and thoughtless. I think people like your dad cannot possibly even love himself. And, in the meantime, he is hurting others, like you and your Mom so much. You have done your best in trying to reach out to your dad. Be at peace knowing you tried.

I pray, Michelle, that you have peace and comfort in knowing your beloved Mom feels your presence ... not only when you are there with her, in person, but, also as your love for her remains in your thoughts and heart ... always.

I have been continuing to say prayers for both you and your Mom. Sending you more healing hugs and love, Michelle.:heart:


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