# Sleeping in the Bed with Us - Problems



## sophie (Jul 9, 2006)

Okay, so I am swallowing my pride and laying my embarassment out for SM to see. And, asking if anyone has dealt with this and has any advice.

Before we got Sophie and Annie I had taken to sleeping on the sofa because of major surgery and it became habit :brownbag: and the girls sleep with me on the sofa - no issues on the sofa. So, I've decided that I need to spend my nights in bed with hubby - no more sofa for me. And, I want the girls to continue to sleep with me and now hubby.

What I thought was going to be so easy is turning into a nerve racking experience and has hubby thinking maybe the girls and I need to go back to the sofa.  

The problem is Annie who thinks the bed is her playground. And, she is a professional at playing, the rougher the better. She goes through the whole ritual trying to get Sophie to play. She hops, she runs, she barks, she puts her butt in Sophie's face, anything she can think to do to try to wake up Sophie and get her to play and runs all over us in the process. This goes on for hours if we all just ignore her. She just never gives up or tires out. 

I know part of the problem is before I go to bed, like right now, I get on the computer and they lay down in their beds right next to me and either go to sleep or just lay there wathcing me. I've tried playing with her more than usual to wear her out during the evening, but she never tires out.

I've thought of:

1. Crating her in the bedroom, but she really has issues with the crate and panics - thanks to her background I believe, so I would hate to resort to this. 

2. Leaving her downstairs by herself - this would kill me and don't think this would be a good option for Annie - I think it might do more harm than good with some separation anxiety issues she has.


We've tried:

1. Putting her on the floor, but she comes right back up the stairs. I don't want to move the stairs because Sophie sometimes uses them during the night. 

2. Leaving her on the bed and ignoring her, but she never tires out and could keep it up forever.

3. Bringing a spray bottle of water to bed with us and squirting her when she starts up - but I'm not sure about using a spray bottle on Annie. It's affects her for quite a long period of time in a very negative upsetting way. Not a good reaction at all.

4. Giving her treats when she calms and quiets down, but so far she hasn't calmed down or shut up long enough to get a treat.

3. Wrapping her in her blanket and holding her to try to soothe her and get her sleepy. She usually love this. When she wants to be she is a real snuggle bunny.

Okay, now that you know how disfunctional and weird we really are, does anyone have any ideas on what we can do? Sophie is the only one getting any sleep and hubby is ready to kick us back to the couch.

Well, I hope I've made sense and now, I am totally embarassed by admitting all of this, but I really respect your opinions and looking forward to your suggestions. :smhelp: 

I could go on and on revising this post to make sure I'm explaining it all correct, but I give up on that and just say here goes.

Linda


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## Cosy (Feb 9, 2006)

How about putting hubby on the sofa.  :sorry: :shy:


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## sophie (Jul 9, 2006)

QUOTE (CuteCosyNToy @ Sep 25 2008, 11:16 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=640837


> How about putting hubby on the sofa.  :sorry: :shy:[/B]



LOL That might work. I could sleep and Annie could have half the bed to go crazy. I literally could sleep through the whole thing, but hubby keeps me up because he can't sleep. :brownbag:


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## drclee (Jul 16, 2008)

My Jack is your Annie and my Jill is your Sophie! We have EXACTLY the same problem! Unfortunately, after many unsuccessful attempts at other options, I've resigned myself to the fact that I will get less sleep EVERY SINGLE NIGHT  If you find a solution, I'm going to try it too!


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## Gracie's Mommy (Feb 14, 2008)

No need for embarrassment!!! Life is life!!!

Love the idea of putting hubby on the sofa!  

When we go to bed, I give Gracie an edible chew and that keeps her busy for a little while, and seems to get her calmed down and ready for sleep. Do you think that might work with her? Just a thought! Good luck! :Good luck:


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## 3Maltmom (May 23, 2005)

LMAO ~ My kids will sleep where ever I leave them. LBB, and Henry, always sleep in their room, 
well not always, they are in bed most of the time, but have no problem with their "room", they
in fact, prefer it. 

Jops, and Frankie, know bedtime. There are times it's not in the bed, but while in bed, Frankie
will do the same thing. She wants to play with Jops. I like it. She sticks her butt in the air,
she get in Jop's face, etc. Doesn't take her, but a few minutes, to realize Jops is going to kick
her ass. So I don't have to deal with it, Jop's does it for me. lol

All of the kids will "settle" down and go to sleep, within minutes.

I live alone, so this would not apply to you, but, I have to say this.

I had a "guy" over, a couple weeks ago. Someone I know VERY well. So I put the kids in their "areas".
They didn't care. But Winter would not accept this. He so loves my friend, and wanted to continue 
"hangin" out with us. So I bring him up to bed. My "date" got mad. He said, "His foot is on my head, you
put him on my head. Now he just bit me"....LOL I got up, picked up Winter, and we slept on the couch. :HistericalSmiley: 

For the record, Winter sleeps on the top of my pillows. I did not put him on his stupid head. I was also
INCHES away, and he DID NOT bite the jerk. 

I know, I'm off topic with my own problems, but had to mention it. :smrofl: 

I love ya, girlfriend!! But really, can you imagine, he said, "his foot is on my head" :HistericalSmiley: 

Okay, I'll stop now. Other than I told him to "shove the foot up his ass". 

Yep, that "date" went very well ~ lmao

Now, back on topic :back2topic: 

Once again, I love ya!!!


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## Yummy (Sep 5, 2008)

QUOTE (Sophie @ Sep 25 2008, 11:09 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=640828


> Okay, so I am swallowing my pride and laying my embarassment out for SM to see. And, asking if anyone has dealt with this and has any advice.
> 
> Before we got Sophie and Annie I had taken to sleeping on the sofa because of major surgery and it became habit :brownbag: and the girls sleep with me on the sofa - no issues on the sofa. So, I've decided that I need to spend my nights in bed with hubby - no more sofa for me. And, I want the girls to continue to sleep with me and now hubby.
> 
> ...



Hello Linda,

Oh bless your heart! Please don't be embarrassed! Everyone here is to build each other up and lend a hand! 

When something is not "normal" I try to think of what could be the causing factor. What makes Annie to want to get up and party? Is she eating before bed? Is there something stimulating in her environment that perhaps Sophie doesn't have any issues with? You didn't mention this, but I assume there isn't a T.V. on while your sleeping. When nothing really seems to be the issue then...

A couple of things came to mind that I have done that worked but it doesn't mean it works for every furbaby. They all have different backgrounds, etc, 
I didn't see you mention exercising her prior to bedtime or earlier in the day like a stroll around the neighborhood or a mentally stimulating game. (Maybe she just needs to work out a bit more energy than Sophie.) Then after what you believe is a good amount of time to tire her out then it's time to take the mood down a bit. You talk in your relaxed tone (no high pitch excitement) no loud music or tv ...just a nice wind down environment. Playing on the bed should be forbidden so she doesn't associate bed with play time. 


As much as we love our furbabies we can't think of them as humans or we create human expectations on them and they don't understand that. The reason I say this is what method I have tried that worked. You create a command like "Shush" when she starts her party. When everyone is sleeping you say "Shush" in your tone that she understands you are serious and pick her up and put down in another room and close the door. You wait a couple minutes then open the door and return her to bed with you. (Repeat and if needed leaving her alone longer each time.) 

Dogs are meant to be in a pack and when one misbehaves in a pack and is left out they understand they did something wrong. This is just a guideline I would try. Your not hurting her your just trying to "speak her language" so she understands. Then once you speakah her language everyone will be much happier.

Keep us posted! Don't give up! :Flowers 2:


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## GreenFuzzer (Jun 16, 2007)

How does hubby feel about the babies the rest of the time? Is he 'daddy' to them or is he just your husband? If he is daddy to them make sure he is playing with them before bedtime maybe she is feeling like she is being ignored and missing her daddy time. If he is just being your husband send him to the couch like one of the other posters said. :biggrin: Seriously see if him taking a more active roll in their bedtime routine will help. It might take a few days. 

Gene works swing shifts and if he doesn't do things certain ways before leaving for work or going to bed at odd times Gracie knows it and then makes sure we know that she knows. LOL You will figure out what is best for your family.


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## harrysmom (Sep 28, 2007)

Hi!

I'm having a similar problem with Harry. When we get in bed he wants to play... with me. He jumps on me, pulls
my hand, and licks my face. While I am thrilled that Harry is feeling well enough to want to play :chili: , I have to
get up for work at 6AM and work with energetic special education students all day long... I need my sleep. 
What I have been doing is to hold Harry next to me and repeatedly say "lay down". 
At first he squirms and complains, but eventually
(usually after about 30 minutes), he just gives up and goes to sleep. 

Good luck... 

Debbie


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## camfan (Oct 30, 2006)

How about having someone take them on a walk early evening?

Ollie really has to have a walk every day or else he has a much harder time settling down in general.

Good luck!!!


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## rlp271 (Sep 22, 2008)

You could always try giving them their own doggie beds. I know that most people love their pets, and they love their little pups sleeping in bed with them, but if it becomes such an issue that neither you nor your husband gets any sleep, it might be time to put the kids in their own room. You could put a child gate in the door to your bedroom, and then put their beds right outside the gate. This will result in one sleepless night as they are used to sleeping with you, and now must sleep alone. They will whine, and make noises, and maybe even bark a little bit, but eventually they will get tired of it, and they will sleep.

I'm putting in one for the guys, if my girlfriend kicked me out of bed in favor of the dogs :thmbdn: , they'd be trained to sleep somewhere that wasn't my bed in a heartbeat


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## makettle29 (Nov 12, 2005)

I don't have a better solution for your energetic pup other than a walk after dinner and more playtime before you get in the bed. I am, I think, one of the few who has their malts NOT in the bed. Our solution is that they each have their own beds in our room. Athena sleeps in a crate (very beautiful custom decorated) and Herules has a wood kurunda sling bed. I shut her crate door at night and I leash him to one of the legs of his bed. If I don't leash him he'll be on guard duty throughout the night!. It took me a while to figure out which beds they liked (I have purchased many "wrong" beds). I carry them both to their beds and kiss and sing a little song, so it's a ritual.

During the process of getting them used to their beds they would "cry" and fuss. When they did that and would not respond to my "quiet " command, I got up and promptly took them to the laundry room for the night (bed and all). Voila, this only took two nights and they got the idea = Mom is the boss of me! Now, when I feel like it they sleep with me, but first they get permission and they do not assume. I have no more night time fussing and no trouble sleeping because of little fur legs and tails (and butts).

One thing we do is to keep them in bed with us until it's lights out. That seems to satisfy their need to snuggle and sleeping in the same room satisfied their need to be near me.

This whole process took me a few years to figure out and mostly it was my issue, not theirs. You have to be willing to survive a few nights of laundry room banishment if you want to have a situation like mine. Luckily I couldn't hear any noise from the laundry room.

My daughter is in an apartment and her Malt has been barking from her crate in the middle of the night. I gave her the same advise but added that she pick up some ear plugs for those first few nights!
:Flowers 2: 

mary anna herk and thena


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## jmm (Nov 23, 2004)

Remove the stairs from the bed and give them dog beds next to your bed. It will take them a couple days to get with the program, but they'll adjust and be right there next to you...trust your gut...you feel like you need this bonding time with hubby. The dogs will adjust just fine.


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## dr.jaimie (Mar 23, 2004)

maybe petula and annie are related lol! there r nights she is the same...usually the ones she spends most of the day sleeping...but it is getting better. just takes time. prob is now if someone acts like they r awake in the morning she is in ur face licking u...thats the part i dont like. if im not ready to get up dont wake me up! lol


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## llf060787 (Nov 19, 2007)

I could use some advise myself. Bianca sleeps with us, but its my husband that's the problem. He likes to wrestle with Bianca on the bed before going to sleep. Fortunately for him, he falls asleep at the drop of a hat and not even an earthquake could wake him up. On the other hand, I'm left having to quiet her down. I think I got all of 2 hours of sleep last night. I spent the night trying to clam her down and putting her down off the bed, picking her up, putting her down, picking her up. I'm exhausted.


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## Max & Rocky (May 20, 2004)

I very quickly read the post and so forgive me if I have missed something.

For us, the bed time rituals are all about the routine. 

Everyone has learned that when the lights go out, it is time for sleep. However... they also know and look forward to going upstairs to the bedroom during the day... as they look at the bed as a play area when they are on it during the day.

So if you made it a routine of playing with them at bed time, that is a routine now that must be changed and it might take a few weeks to get it totally changed (I bet it took a few days for it to get established as a routine and now that routine must be unlearned and replaced with a new one). So besides doing what you can to get them tired before bedtime, you might have to scold them a little when they start to play in addition, you and your husband have to remember that it will take a while to unlearn this.


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## sophie (Jul 9, 2006)

QUOTE (Gracie's Mommy @ Sep 25 2008, 11:30 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=640848


> When we go to bed, I give Gracie an edible chew and that keeps her busy for a little while, and seems to get her calmed down and ready for sleep. Do you think that might work with her?[/B]


I may have to try that. Thanks.

QUOTE (3Maltmom @ Sep 25 2008, 11:54 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=640849


> I had a "guy" over, a couple weeks ago. Someone I know VERY well. So I put the kids in their "areas".
> They didn't care. But Winter would not accept this. He so loves my friend, and wanted to continue
> "hangin" out with us. So I bring him up to bed. My "date" got mad. He said, "His foot is on my head, you
> put him on my head. Now he just bit me"....LOL I got up, picked up Winter, and we slept on the couch.
> ...


I would have told him it could have been worse - he could have had dooky on his head, not just a foot!


QUOTE (Yummy @ Sep 26 2008, 12:56 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=640861


> I didn't see you mention exercising her prior to bedtime or earlier in the day like a stroll around the neighborhood or a mentally stimulating game. Then after what you believe is a good amount of time to tire her out then it's time to take the mood down a bit.[/B]


We play with both girls every night before bed - actually starts as soon as I get home and we do wind it down before we go to bed or at least try to. Annie just keeps on going and going. Hubby and my son also play with them during the day. 

QUOTE (GreenFuzzer @ Sep 26 2008, 02:29 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=640872


> How does hubby feel about the babies the rest of the time? Is he 'daddy' to them or is he just your husband?[/B]


Hubby LOVES both girls. Sophie was the first pet he's ever had. He spoils them more than I do. He is definitely Daddy.


QUOTE (camfan @ Sep 26 2008, 06:23 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=640898


> How about having someone take them on a walk early evening?[/B]


Now that the weather is cooling off - it's still hot though I've started walking them more and not just taking them out in the yard to stroll and sniff around.

QUOTE (rlp271 @ Sep 26 2008, 06:30 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=640899


> You could always try giving them their own doggie beds.[/B]


They each have their own beds in my room. While I'm getting ready for work in the morning they usually lay in the them and snooze or watch me get ready. It's when we get in the bed that they want nothing to do with their beds. 

QUOTE (makettle29 @ Sep 26 2008, 08:13 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=640911


> Now, when I feel like it they sleep with me, but first they get permission and they do not assume.[/B]


That sounds like a perfect world. 

QUOTE (JMM @ Sep 26 2008, 08:32 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=640913


> Remove the stairs from the bed and give them dog beds next to your bed. It will take them a couple days to get with the program, but they'll adjust and be right there next to you...trust your gut...you feel like you need this bonding time with hubby. The dogs will adjust just fine.[/B]


They have dog beds next to mine that they use when I get ready in the morning. I really don't have a problem with Sophie and would hate to kick her out because of Annie. And, hubby and I are bonded and this isn't causing any problems between us other than hubby is not getting much sleep since I've brought them to the bed. He has no trouble with me wanting them in the bed - they are his girls. He just wants Annie to calm down and go to sleep after a while. Last night we brought them to bed and Sophie feel asleep right away. I did too (I can fall asleep anywhere and sleep through pretty much anything). He told me this morning that Annie stopped trying to get Sophie to play, but spent forever digging in the comforter. He said he tried giving her her special blanket, rubbing her belly, and just trying to snuggle with her, but he figured she was trying to dig a hole to China.

What do you think about leaving the stairs so Sophie can go up and down, but putting Annie's e-pen next to the bed with her bed and no access to the stairs? How long do you think it would take her to accept sleeping in her bed in the ex-pen by herself with Sophie and us in the bed. One of Annie's nicknames is "relentless" though. I've also thought about starting with her in the bed and when she acts up putting her in the pen until she quiets and then putting her in the bed and up and down until she gets it. I wonder how long until she gets the message - quiet and calm in the bed or in the ex-pen she goes. She doesn't have as many issues with the xex-pen as she does with the crate although we haven't used the ex-pen in several months.

QUOTE (Dr.Jaimie @ Sep 26 2008, 08:36 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=640915


> maybe petula and annie are related lol! there r nights she is the same[/B]


Jaimie, I told you I thought they were related. LOL

QUOTE (Max & Rocky @ Sep 26 2008, 08:56 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=640919


> For us, the bed time rituals are all about the routine.
> So if you made it a routine of playing with them at bed time, that is a routine now that must be changed and it might take a few weeks to get it totally changed (I bet it took a few days for it to get established as a routine and now that routine must be unlearned and replaced with a new one). So besides doing what you can to get them tired before bedtime, you might have to scold them a little when they start to play in addition, you and your husband have to remember that it will take a while to unlearn this.[/B]


We're old so it's all about routine around here.  We don't play with them right before bed time. Sometimes I think that's a two-edged sword with Annie. In the evening after dinner we play with them and they play with each other like two lunatics. Then we usually settle in to watch television. Sophie hops on the Sophie and Annie is off on her evening adventures. She walks around downstairs and checks out everything. Then she comes to me and we cuddle. She loves being held on her back like a baby and get her tummy rubbed and she drifts off to sleep. When she sleeps, she sleeps like the dead. But, therein lies the problem. No matter how tired she is, if she gets a good ten minutes sleep and something wakes her up she's totally recharged and ready to go for a good couple of more hours. One issue is when they're ready to turn in for the night, it's still too early for us. We don't go to sleep until about 1:00 a.m. and then we get up about 6:00 a.m. THis is just normal for us - nothing to do with the girls keeping us up or waking us up. I thought about bringing the squirt bottle to bed with us to give her a little squirt. The bottle doesn't even have water in it anymore though - I just need to pull the trigger and that usually gets Annie's attention.

I didn't mean to write a novel. Sorry. I really appreciate everyone's advice and that you all took the time to share your thoughts. 

I think what I need to do is get them out walking more every evening to tire them out. Put the ex-pen next to the bed with no access to the stairs. I'll start out with both of them in the bed and as soon as Annie acts up put her in the ex-pen. If she calms down I'll put her back in the bed. And, just keep it up until she gets the message. I wonder if this would work if I try this during the day while hubby's not in the bed. I can close the hurricane shutters and make it dark as night. 

I'll let you all know how it goes. I'm off to watch the debate.

Thanks.

Linda


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## jmm (Nov 23, 2004)

If she's use to her pen and settles in, give it a go...maybe after a few weeks of getting use to the bedtime routine, you can try opening her pen and seeing what happens.


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## sophie (Jul 9, 2006)

QUOTE (JMM @ Sep 26 2008, 09:16 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=641130


> If she's use to her pen and settles in, give it a go...maybe after a few weeks of getting use to the bedtime routine, you can try opening her pen and seeing what happens.[/B]


Thanks, I'm going to try that tonight. I was looking for your reply as I really do respect your expertise and advice.

Linda


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## GreenFuzzer (Jun 16, 2007)

QUOTE (Sophie @ Sep 26 2008, 08:50 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=641092


> .... Put the ex-pen next to the bed with no access to the stairs. I'll start out with both of them in the bed and as soon as Annie acts up put her in the ex-pen. ....[/B]


Or when Annie acts up you could put hubby in the ex-pen. :HistericalSmiley:


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## godiva goddess (Nov 19, 2007)

Awww.please dont feel embarrassed! 

Mia has her own doggy bed and I put it right next to our bed at night. she use to sleep in her crate but as she got older, she is more reliable so I trust her w/ her own doggy bed. When hubby and I go into our room at night, Mia follows and when I close our bedroom door, I think she knows its a signal that it is bedtime...Usually she will go to her doggy bed directly but sometimes, she is still really energetic and wants to play...when that happens, i give her Merricks Flossie to chew a bit and that calms her down, and she usually chews her flossie in her bed so she falls asleep afterward..other times, when she gets jumpy and wants to play, i put her in her bed and just keep patting her back, scratch her eats a bit and usually after a while (5 minutes) she calms down and falls asleep. which ever method u take, just stick w/ it for a while, until the doggies get use to it..good luck!!!  

btw- i think its great that you decide to move back into the bed! :thumbsup:


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## The A Team (Dec 1, 2005)

I still like the idea of the husband sleeping on the sofa best. :blush: 

My kids go to sleep at 9pm - just like me, they sleep in bed with me. Tink chooses to sleep in his own bed and if he runs down stairs to bark at something, he is put into his crate which is right next to my bed (he doesn't care :wacko1: ). The hubby sleeps on the sofa ALOT, which is good...when he's in the bed I have less room :blink: 

I wish you luck, there's nothing worse than being kept up at night when you're tired!!!!!


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## kez (Aug 21, 2008)

I had a "guy" over, a couple weeks ago. Someone I know VERY well. So I put the kids in their "areas".
They didn't care. But Winter would not accept this. He so loves my friend, and wanted to continue 
"hangin" out with us. So I bring him up to bed. My "date" got mad. He said, "His foot is on my head, you
put him on my head. Now he just bit me"....LOL I got up, picked up Winter, and we slept on the couch. :HistericalSmiley: 

For the record, Winter sleeps on the top of my pillows. I did not put him on his stupid head. I was also
INCHES away, and he DID NOT bite the jerk. 

I know, I'm off topic with my own problems, but had to mention it. :smrofl: 

I love ya, girlfriend!! But really, can you imagine, he said, "his foot is on my head" :HistericalSmiley: 

Okay, I'll stop now. Other than I told him to "shove the foot up his ass". 

Yep, that "date" went very well ~ lmao



Sorry off topic here but :rofl: :rofl::rofl: :rofl::rofl: :rofl::rofl: :rofl: Really what a toss**


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