# My feelings were hurt!



## Krystal (Feb 3, 2007)

Ok so I may just be a big baby but I thought this was VERY rude.....

I am leaving tomorrow night back home for my bf's brothers wedding (that no one is excited about because the bride was cheating on the groom!)....

Anyway....I was talking to my bf's mom last night on MSN and said that I didnt think I would be giving them a wedding gift...I feel bad but money is tight and it is already costing me $200 to go AND I made their wedding slideshow....She said well if you dont then I will just get a gift for Paul (my bf) and sign it in his name..... :shocked: ..... I told her ok, making me look bad here, and she proceeded to tell me that I should set my feelings aside and get them something small because it would be nice......  

I couldnt believe she said that to me! I am a freaking college student for crying out loud! Am missing 3 days of work just to go to this stupid wedding!!!! Not to mention everything else I had to buy! 

So yes I am giving them a gift...going to write them a check to help with their honeymoon I guess.....Is $25 lame?? I dont think I can afford anymore! 
I told my bf that he can have his mom purchase a gift in his name or not give one at all....but the gift I am giving will be in my name only....Yes I am being a brat, but she totally pissed me off!


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## Terri (Jan 26, 2005)

I would actually just give them a card saying the slide show is their present and leave it at that. And no you aren't being a brat, you are a student, no one should be expecting you to spend money you don't have!


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## Krystal (Feb 3, 2007)

QUOTE (Terri @ Dec 3 2008, 04:45 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=682232


> I would actually just give them a card saying the slide show is their present and leave it at that. And no you aren't being a brat, you are a student, no one should be expecting you to spend money you don't have![/B]


Thanks! thats what I thought of doing...but my bf's mother seems to think otherwise....which is VERY odd because not too long ago she was telling me I DIDNT need to spend money on a gift for them!!!!!!!!  I tell you one thing...they are getting NOTHING from me for Christmas!


Do you think it would be a bad idea to write her an email letting her know how I feel?? We have had a rocky relationship in the past but have always told eachother how we felt and been open with eachother...


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## SueC (May 23, 2007)

I had a mother in law like that, controlling and dismissive. I ususally advocate politely telling people what you think, but with a MIL, it can get tricky. My advice would be to just play it cool, never complain about her to your boyfriend (that's what girlfriends and SM friends are for) and you will come out looking gracious. JMHO


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## allheart (Oct 3, 2008)

Awww Krystal,

I am so sorry your feelings were hurt. I truly am. Honestly?....If you do give a gift, and it doesn't matter, how much, or what it is, and it doesn't have to be money....you could get a nice photo frame....but I would sign both your name and your boyfriends. See, if future MIL, is going to only put her sons name on it (which I do think is not really cool), I wouldn't mirror her behaviour, and you turn and do the same thing. Do what Krystal would normally do, and what you feel is right and are comfortable with.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo , I would not speak openly about it. Some things with MIL, just need to roll off your back. Trust me on this  . You will see, after a whole lot of letting things roll off your back, her little MIL ways, will cease...trust me on that  

Don't ever let anyone jepordize what you and your boyfriend have..._especially_ his Mom. He will always be his Mom, and he her son....and even if he agress with you, on this, or anything in the future, sometimes it's hard for the son, to go against Mom.....so make things easier on yourself and your relationship...and let it...roll right off....and smile that pretty smile. I promise you, the occurances will lessen.

:grouphug: Feel better sweetie, and I think anyone would have their feelings hurt, so don't feel bad about that.


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## CandicePK (Nov 11, 2004)

You say that you've had a rocky relationship in the past, and you're both open with each other. Is this something that is important enough to be straight-forward with her about? Only you can answer that question.... I'm of the school of thought (especially with a Mom or Mother in Law) that one should pick their issues wisely. It's all about winning the war - not the battle.

If this is a non-negotiable for you then tell her. If this is really a more insignificant issue (perhaps there were other issues at play here - both tired or whatever) then let it slide.

Good luck with whatever you decide and please keep us posted.


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## Krystal (Feb 3, 2007)

QUOTE (Allheart @ Dec 3 2008, 05:11 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=682248


> Awww Krystal,
> 
> I am so sorry your feelings were hurt. I truly am. Honestly?....If you do give a gift, and it doesn't matter, how much, or what it is, and it doesn't have to be money....you could get a nice photo frame....but I would sign both your name and your boyfriends. See, if future MIL, is going to only put her sons name on it (which I do think is not really cool), I wouldn't mirror her behaviour, and you turn and do the same thing. Do what Krystal would normally do, and what you feel is right and are comfortable with.
> 
> ...


Thank you...I didnt even think about a nice picture frame...I will stop by the store on my way home and see if I find anything...if not I will figure something out...I will take everyones advice and not mention it to her...I already mentioned it to my bf last night...BAD IDEA! haha.....he got REALLY upset with me, especially since I said "I dont even want to go to this stupid wedding, maybe I will just cancel my flight altogether" BAD BAD IDEA on my part!! I just wish that his mom would realize how much it is costing me and how much I am giving up to go to this wedding! Especially since I am flying back next Thursday for my BF's graduation!!!!!!!!!! And I have finals the following week! I could REALLY use this weekend to study!!!!!!!!


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## Cosy (Feb 9, 2006)

I think your doing the slide show is a huge gift and should be acceptable as THE gift.
Why not send a card with a note saying OUR gift to you is the slide show and we so 
hope you will enjoy it in years to come.
That seems more than generous coming from a college student who is taking time off
to be there.


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## The A Team (Dec 1, 2005)

Do what you can, but no more than that. I'm sure the bride and groom already realize your situation. I hope your future MIL is the one who ends up looking bad. She sounds like a real Bit**.

I had one of those once, grrrr :smmadder: .....

but after my divorce....and after she divorced....she became such a wonderful person, I loved her till the day she died. .....weird, eh?


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## allheart (Oct 3, 2008)

QUOTE (Krystal @ Dec 3 2008, 06:18 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=682253


> QUOTE (Allheart @ Dec 3 2008, 05:11 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=682248





> Awww Krystal,
> 
> I am so sorry your feelings were hurt. I truly am. Honestly?....If you do give a gift, and it doesn't matter, how much, or what it is, and it doesn't have to be money....you could get a nice photo frame....but I would sign both your name and your boyfriends. See, if future MIL, is going to only put her sons name on it (which I do think is not really cool), I wouldn't mirror her behaviour, and you turn and do the same thing. Do what Krystal would normally do, and what you feel is right and are comfortable with.
> 
> ...


Thank you...I didnt even think about a nice picture frame...I will stop by the store on my way home and see if I find anything...if not I will figure something out...I will take everyones advice and not mention it to her...I already mentioned it to my bf last night...BAD IDEA! haha.....he got REALLY upset with me, especially since I said "I dont even want to go to this stupid wedding, maybe I will just cancel my flight altogether" BAD BAD IDEA on my part!! I just wish that his mom would realize how much it is costing me and how much I am giving up to go to this wedding! Especially since I am flying back next Thursday for my BF's graduation!!!!!!!!!! And I have finals the following week! I could REALLY use this weekend to study!!!!!!!!
[/B][/QUOTE]

Krystal, that is a great deal on you. And you are so right...this weekend would be great for you to study, but don't worry about his Mom appreciating it...if your bf does, that's all that matters. I completely understand what you are saying and wanting...but don't add more stress on yourself...go and have a GREAT time...at the "stupid" wedding. . It will be a nice break for you before finals.


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## Krystal (Feb 3, 2007)

QUOTE (2MaltMom @ Dec 3 2008, 05:20 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=682255


> Do what you can, but no more than that. I'm sure the bride and groom already realize your situation. I hope your future MIL is the one who ends up looking bad. She sounds like a real Bit**.
> 
> I had one of those once, grrrr :smmadder: .....
> 
> but after my divorce....and after she divorced....she became such a wonderful person, I loved her till the day she died. .....weird, eh?[/B]


We usually get along GREAT!!!!!!!!! She LOVES me to pieces which is why this REALLY bothered me and TOTALLY caught me off guard!! 
The Bride is um......another story! She IS a REAL BIT**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CANT STAND HER!!! Especially after what she did to the groom! But that is an entirely different situation!


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## Krystal (Feb 3, 2007)

QUOTE (Cosy @ Dec 3 2008, 05:20 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=682254


> I think your doing the slide show is a huge gift and should be acceptable as THE gift.
> Why not send a card with a note saying OUR gift to you is the slide show and we so
> hope you will enjoy it in years to come.
> That seems more than generous coming from a college student who is taking time off
> to be there.[/B]


I would have thought so....darn thing took me a LOT of time to do!!!! It is beautiful! :blush: Guess Im a little biased!! LOL....


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## wolfieinthehouse (Dec 14, 2007)

You can not please everyone all of the time.

Do what you feel in your soul is the thing to do.


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## Max & Rocky (May 20, 2004)

QUOTE (Krystal @ Dec 3 2008, 03:42 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=682229


> Ok so I may just be a big baby but I thought this was VERY rude.....
> 
> I am leaving tomorrow night back home for my bf's brothers wedding (that no one is excited about because the bride was cheating on the groom!)....
> 
> ...


Krystal,

No, you are not being a brat at all. Your bf's mother has no right to tell you what to do at all. In fact, I will go further here and tell you that if your bf doesn't know what happened and how you feel about it, then you need to tell him. On this path, I feel your bf has a large responsibilty here to run defense for you and put his mother back in her place. If you guys are living by yourselves and largely (or entirely) responsible for your own money, then someone outside simply has no right to tell you how to spend your money. Many marriages run into problems of one sort of another because of interference from someone on the outside. If bf stands up for you (and him), that is a good indicator. Likewise the case if he doesn't.

Been there... done that


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## CandicePK (Nov 11, 2004)

Now that you've mentioned that you and boyfriend's mom usually get along great...are you sure there might not have been something else going on with her? Could there have been a misunderstanding? Honestly since you usually get along great, I would clear the air with her in a nonconfrontational way.


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## Krystal (Feb 3, 2007)

QUOTE (CandicePK @ Dec 3 2008, 04:32 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=682269


> Now that you've mentioned that you and boyfriend's mom usually get along great...are you sure there might not have been something else going on with her? Could there have been a misunderstanding? Honestly since you usually get along great, I would clear the air with her in a nonconfrontational way.[/B]



She was in a bad mood because she too is not looking forward to the wedding....BUT I there was NO misunderstanding when she clearly stated that if I didnt give them a gift she would buy something and put my bf's name on it.......


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## LJSquishy (Feb 27, 2008)

Don't feel bad at all about not being financially able to give a gift to the bride and groom.

One of my husband's closest friends just got married in August, and my husband was a groomsman even, and we could NOT afford a gift. We had to rent the tuxedo, etc, and it just wasn't possible. His friend understood how tight money was, and completely understood. He said he didn't need a gift from us, because he was just happy we were there to support him.

If you can spare $25, a check would be wonderful, but don't feel obligated. A lot of people that attended my wedding just gave us a card with a heartfelt message, and that was a gift in itself.


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## Krystal (Feb 3, 2007)

QUOTE (Max & Rocky @ Dec 3 2008, 04:32 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=682267


> Krystal,
> 
> No, you are not being a brat at all. Your bf's mother has no right to tell you what to do at all. In fact, I will go further here and tell you that if your bf doesn't know what happened and how you feel about it, then you need to tell him. On this path, I feel your bf has a large responsibilty here to run defense for you and put his mother back in her place. If you guys are living by yourselves and largely (or entirely) responsible for your own money, then someone outside simply has no right to tell you how to spend your money. Many marriages run into problems of one sort of another because of interference from someone on the outside. If bf stands up for you (and him), that is a good indicator. Likewise the case if he doesn't.
> 
> Been there... done that[/B]


I did call him last night VERY upset and told him what had happened and he too was upset...dont know if he will speak to her or not...I wish I would not have called him and hope he doesnt say anything because I really dont want any more drama right now....But if he does I will know its because he cares about me....he HAS stood up for me to her on several occassions though :biggrin:


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## 3Maltmom (May 23, 2005)

Awww, Krystal, life is too short. Have you communicated with your boyfriend about a gift?
Other than the one his mother offered, from him? 

Why not give the slideshow, along with a little something. Both your names need to be on it.
Talk to your boyfriend. This is family. Many times, things are not what they appear. 
Also, I'm assuming you plan on marrying your boyfriend. 

I think a card, stating the gift of the slideshow, and a $25 check, from BOTH of you, would be 
lovely. Tell boyfriend, to tell his mom, thank you, but no. The two of you have it covered.

I honestly hope you all get along. But this is really something for you, and boyfriend, to work out.

I hope you make it work out, for all involved.

As for the future bride, and groom, they have obviously worked things out. So just wish them the best. 

We love ya, girlfriend. Good luck. You're always in my thoughts :grouphug:


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## Krystal (Feb 3, 2007)

QUOTE (3Maltmom @ Dec 3 2008, 04:43 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=682274


> Awww, Krystal, life is too short. Have you communicated with your boyfriend about a gift?
> Other than the one his mother offered, from him?
> 
> Why not give the slideshow, along with a little something. Both your names need to be on it.
> ...


Thanks Deb! My bf and I PLANNED on giving them a gift together....then I talked to him about it and he too doesnt have money...he is not working right now because of his Fire Academy....and we both agreeded not to get them anything....and when I told his mother...well she had other thoughts I guess! I would like to marry him, but um....well...guys are guys....he is VERY scared of that title "MARRIED" we will see...

As for the bride and groom....she never admitted to it, and he doesnt believe it happened (when there is suffiecient proof it did)....Its not my problem...hop[e they work out! 

Thanks!!


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## MandyMc65 (Jun 14, 2007)

I'm sorry to hear about that!  It's no fun when they hurt your feelings. 

I would get them a nice picture frame and put one of the pics from the slideshow in it, the slide show (on Cd) and a card and call it a day!  Both your names on it though, it is truly from both of you - even if your bf didn't help (they never will any way )


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## Krystal (Feb 3, 2007)

QUOTE (MandyMc65 @ Dec 3 2008, 04:57 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=682284


> I'm sorry to hear about that!  It's no fun when they hurt your feelings.
> 
> I would get them a nice picture frame and put one of the pics from the slideshow in it, the slide show (on Cd) and a card and call it a day!  Both your names on it though, it is truly from both of you - even if your bf didn't help (they never will any way )[/B]


The slideshow I made was of them growing up...will be played at the reception while the wedding party is taking pics... And I made copies for HIS and HER entire family!!!!!!!!!!


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## MandyMc65 (Jun 14, 2007)

QUOTE (Krystal @ Dec 3 2008, 04:01 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=682287


> QUOTE (MandyMc65 @ Dec 3 2008, 04:57 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=682284





> I'm sorry to hear about that!  It's no fun when they hurt your feelings.
> 
> I would get them a nice picture frame and put one of the pics from the slideshow in it, the slide show (on Cd) and a card and call it a day!  Both your names on it though, it is truly from both of you - even if your bf didn't help (they never will any way )[/B]


The slideshow I made was of them growing up...will be played at the reception while the wedding party is taking pics... And I made copies for HIS and HER entire family!!!!!!!!!!
[/B][/QUOTE]

LOL You could always do one of those kid morphing pics to put in the frame  Ya know the kind you take pics of each person and they make it into what their child would look like!


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## Krystal (Feb 3, 2007)

QUOTE (MandyMc65 @ Dec 3 2008, 06:12 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=682292


> QUOTE (Krystal @ Dec 3 2008, 04:01 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=682287





> QUOTE (MandyMc65 @ Dec 3 2008, 04:57 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=682284





> I'm sorry to hear about that!  It's no fun when they hurt your feelings.
> 
> I would get them a nice picture frame and put one of the pics from the slideshow in it, the slide show (on Cd) and a card and call it a day!  Both your names on it though, it is truly from both of you - even if your bf didn't help (they never will any way )[/B]


The slideshow I made was of them growing up...will be played at the reception while the wedding party is taking pics... And I made copies for HIS and HER entire family!!!!!!!!!!
[/B][/QUOTE]

LOL You could always do one of those kid morphing pics to put in the frame  Ya know the kind you take pics of each person and they make it into what their child would look like!
[/B][/QUOTE]


HAHA I'm liking that idea!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## k/c mom (Oct 9, 2004)

Are your parents going to the wedding? If so, then their gift should include you as well, since I assume you're under 21. If not, then I agree that the slide show is fine as a gift for a college student.


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## Krystal (Feb 3, 2007)

QUOTE (K/C Mom @ Dec 3 2008, 06:40 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=682309


> Are your parents going to the wedding? If so, then their gift should include you as well, since I assume you're under 21. If not, then I agree that the slide show is fine as a gift for a college student.[/B]



No they are not going...They dont know them...


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## lindsay (May 18, 2008)

You have done MORE than enough. 



Buy them a card, tell them you wish them the best and you hope they enjoy their slideshow, (and something about..) you wanted them to have something they could look at every year and to share with future children & grandchildren...... (or something like that.) YOU HAVE DONE ENOUGH - A card will be fine!!!


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## binniebee (Sep 27, 2007)

QUOTE (Terri @ Dec 3 2008, 04:45 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=682232


> I would actually just give them a card saying the slide show is their present and leave it at that. And no you aren't being a brat, you are a student, no one should be expecting you to spend money you don't have![/B]


Ditto. I think that is quite sufficient. Nobody (that doesn't understand how to make a slide show, etc...) can understand that it takes time (= money) and talent + knowledge to be able to do this. So, if they were having to pay someone outside of the family for this they would probably be paying a heck of a lot more than $25! Give the card with the reminder and a CD of the slide show. 

Cyndi


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## godiva goddess (Nov 19, 2007)

Sorry to hear about your situation..it is not easy! I dont think you are a brat. On the contrary, you have been really gracious, and the slide show takes a lot of work and effort and it will make their wedding very memorable. To me, I think you did more than enough, furthermore, your gift came from the heart.  You are also a college student, no one should expect you to have to pay for expensive gifts, etc. If it would make you feel more at ease to attend the wedding w/ a gift, then I think a simple picture frame and card, like *Allheart *suggested would be a wonderful idea. I hope everything works out for you!!


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## bentleyboy (Dec 13, 2006)

QUOTE (Terri @ Dec 3 2008, 06:45 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=682232


> I would actually just give them a card saying the slide show is their present and leave it at that. And no you aren't being a brat, you are a student, no one should be expecting you to spend money you don't have![/B]



I agree! The slideshow is great present. It took time which is is way more precious than money!


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## Cupcake2007 (Jan 22, 2008)

i know that making a slide show is VERRRRRRRRY time consuming! here where i live they charge 200 for that.... its crazy....


i would say that the slide show is their gift. if they dont like that... then tell them they need to pay your for your time making it lol! i would.


AND esp. if she was cheating.... ugh.. i wouldnt even attend a wedding of people who caught cheating...


have a safe trip!


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## JNL (Sep 13, 2008)

Hi Krystal,

I don't think you're a brat at all! The slideshow is more than enough. To me, a gift like that is worth more because someone *actually* took the time and effort to make it. I'm also a college student so I completely understand how you feel about money. 

But, if you do decide to give them something as a wedding gift, I'd suggest what some of the other members have suggested...a picture frame. I've given a really nice picture frame that holds up to 10 pictures from Macy's as a wedding gift before. And it only cost $15! :biggrin: Or else, you can buy a set of glass cups or a set of silverwares. You could find really nice and cheap ones at Wal-Mart for somewhere between $15-$20.

Well, I hope everything works out for you. Good luck with finals. Mines are in two weeks as well.


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## Suz & the Fluffs (Mar 11, 2006)

I totally agree with everyone else. That should be grateful that you did the slide show for them! I don't think you are a brat I think his mom is being unreasonable. Good luck with your decision.


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