# OPINIONS NEEDED....BE HONEST!!



## princessre (Dec 23, 2008)

So I am 34 and my hubby 38. We have been married 7 years. We definitely wanted to have time with just the two of us, enjoying being married. We always thought we would know when we were ready for babies, but so far that hasn't really happened. Meanwhile, people who came to our wedding SINGLE and DATELESS are married with kids. My girlfriends are all either totally single with no boyfriend or married with one or two toddlers. My hubby grew up in the south and his friends have multiple kids that are like 3-12! Then when we decided to get Casanova, everyone thought this was a biological drive, the obvious telltale prelude to a baby.

Well, I am more divided than ever. And this year for the very first time, I went to my annual and my OBGYN told me IF I want kids, that NOW is just as good a time to start as ever. She's never said that before, so I am feeling like I'm heading into a danger zone if I wait too much longer...apparently lots of women in NY think they can have it all and sometimes find out that they put it off too long for their careers and have massive problems conceiving...

So if you are a mother and knowing the love that we all have for these precious Malt babies, if you had to do it all over again, considering all the plusses and minuses, WOULD YOU HAVE KIDS OR NOT? Please be honest. I will count the Yes'es and No's and proceed accordingly. (Just kidding.)

(Kind of.)


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## mpappie (Jun 28, 2005)

QUOTE (princessre @ May 8 2009, 11:03 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773616


> So I am 34 and my hubby 38. We have been married 7 years. We definitely wanted to have time with just the two of us, enjoying being married. We always thought we would know when we were ready for babies, but so far that hasn't really happened. Meanwhile, people who came to our wedding SINGLE and DATELESS are married with kids. My girlfriends are all either totally single with no boyfriend or married with one or two toddlers. My hubby grew up in the south and his friends have multiple kids that are like 3-12! Then when we decided to get Casanova, everyone thought this was a biological drive, the obvious telltale prelude to a baby.
> 
> Well, I am more divided than ever. And this year for the very first time, I went to my annual and my OBGYN told me IF I want kids, that NOW is just as good a time to start as ever. She's never said that before, so I am feeling like I'm heading into a danger zone if I wait too much longer...apparently lots of women in NY think they can have it all and sometimes find out that they put it off too long for their careers and have massive problems conceiving...
> 
> ...


I have been married 22 years, we have no kids. We tried to get preg. but it never happened. We don't seem to miss having kids, except around the holidays. :biggrin:


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## Sugarbaby (May 21, 2008)

NO QUESTION ABOUT IT...!!!!!!! I HAVE 2 GROWN DAUGHTERS AND 1 8 YEAR OLD GRANDAUGHTER..YES WHEN THEY WE
GROWING UP WE HAD OUR UPS AND DOWNS BUT CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN ARE TRULY A BLESSING FROM GOD AND YES I WILL CHERISH THE MEMORIES OF THEM GROWING UP AND WHAT THEY MEAN TO MY HUSBAND AND I..YES I WOULD HAVE CHILDREN ALL OVER AGAIN...I LOVE MY SUGAR AND SHE IS ONE SPOILED LITTLE MALT BUT NO DOG COULD EVER TAKE THE PLACE OF A CHILD...IF YOU ARE BLESSED ENOUGH TO HAVE THEM AND WANT THEM PLEASE DO SO BECAUSE THEY ARE ONE OF THE BEST THINGS THAT COULD HAPPEN IN A MARRIED PERSONS LIFE..

SHEILA


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## Pamspamcayla (Feb 12, 2009)

WOW, that is a very difficult question. I have been married for 38 years, and have 3 BEAUTIFUL children all grown up of course. ABSOLUTELY, I would do it over but my circumstance is much different than yours. I mean we have had different dogs all of our marriage but this is the first Maltese we have ever had and we got him this past November. I NEVER knew how much I would love this little guy. We also have a chocolate lab who is 8 years old (best dog in the world). Both of them are our kids now. I hope you consider at least having 1 child. You have no idea what it's like to hold that baby in your arms. Yes, a child will change your lives but it is so worth it. I wish you and your husband the best. Actually, a lot of the SM members have kids and furbabies both.


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## LJSquishy (Feb 27, 2008)

I can give you my insight on not having any children but constantly _trying_ to. My husband and I have been trying for 3-4 years to conceive with the help of fertility medication. To make a long story short, I do not ovulate on my own and rarely have a menstrual cycle. We have spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars on specialist visits (which none of are covered by insurance) and fertility medication to get pregnant. I did conceive in November 2007, but unfortunately miscarried at just under 6weeks. I have not been able to conceive again.

I am VERY jealous of family members who have children, and I am embarrassed by my jealousy. It hurts so bad that when they come and visit, sometimes I have to shut myself out and not spend much time with them because all I hear about is "baby this, baby that". After spending 1 week with my sister-in-law and her 2 kids (2 1/2 year old and 8 week old baby), I realized that I only want ONE child if I am lucky enough...but we haven't been able to conceive that one.

To be honest, I am about done trying -- it consumes part of your life trying so hard to just be disappointed by not achieving anything. Hubby and I would love to adopt, but we don't have $15,000 to do that and I am not willing to wait 5+ years to save up that money. Our goal was to be young parents, and he is almost 30 now. I have come to the point where I think I might be okay not having any children and just having my Maltese baby to look after. I do know children really limit what you can and can't do, and yes, there are times where I'm glad we don't have any kids.

So my vote is YES and NO...lol...I would love to have one, but I am not going to let my life fall apart any longer trying to make it happen. I'm okay with not having kids (as long as hubby buys me a 2nd Malt sometime, lol).

If you and your husband are not 10000000% sure you want a child, then please don't do it. I see way too many parents around that SHOULDN'T be parents, if you know what I mean. I think you will make the right choice.


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## diamonds mommy (Feb 2, 2009)

I have a 6yr old and he is the JOY of my world. I had him young obviously but I wouldnt chane anything! He has been my drive to do EVERYTHING! He makes this world such a brighter place for me. So if I had to do it all over again I would and I wouldnt change anything! Wishing you the best of luck in making your decision!


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## LitGal (May 15, 2007)

I know you didn't ask opinions from people who don't have children, but I've given this issue a lot of thought, so this is my two cents . . .

I think that whatever your decision, it needs to be a thoughtful and carefully considered one. I don't have children and don't plan to (I'm in my mid thirties, so I've had a while to weigh this choice). When people hear this, they always ask why I've chosen not to have children, and I have a solid response to this question because I have given it considerable thought. I find it interesting, however, that nobody asks my friends who are parents why they decided to have kids. That decision should be made as carefully as the decision not to become a parent. 

If you are parenting properly, I think it's an amazingly difficult task that requries endless amounts of energy, dedication and sacrifice, and I have a lot of respect for responsible parents. That kind of commitment needs to be entered into consciously, and not (in my view) simply because it seems like the thing to do or because everyone else is doing it.

Good luck with your decision.


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## Starsmom (Jan 31, 2009)

Hmmm, without going into details I never wanted to be married let alone have children. However, did both and prefer Malts to either marriage, or kids. IMO, Malts are much easier to train then husbands, and children.


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## princessre (Dec 23, 2008)

Wow, three no's and three yes'es. :smhelp: 

LJ: Sorry about the difficulties...

Starsmom: You are funny. :rofl:


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## Nikki's Mom (Feb 13, 2008)

I've never raised kids (I lost 2 babies, one was full term.) so I can't give you an opinion on that. I have 2 grown step kids and 2 step grand kids. I think if a person has a very strong desire to have children, then go for it. Not every woman is meant to have or raise kids, though.

Although kids are a true blessing from God and wonderful to be around, both my hubby and I prefer living with dogs. I know that probably sounds horrible to many people, and I don't expect everyone to think or be like me. It's just a personal preference.


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## 5maltsmom (Aug 12, 2007)

I would have been absolutely devastated if I could not have had children, and like Lisa, I did have fertility issues, (the same problem), but for me the fertility pills did work fairly quickly, 4 times actually with the result of 3 children (and no multiples thank goodness). But that is me. If you and your husband are not interested in having children, then that is your choice and no one else should make that decision for you. Otherwise, this may be the time to start, especially if you want more than 1. 

I also think if you are a little older when you have them, you have more patience. At least that's the way I feel now. I have dealt with many children over the years, and I am much more patient and understanding of their feelings now than I feel I was when I was younger. Now if I have a small child with me in the store and he starts throwing a fit, I check out right away or just leave. I wouldn't have done that when my children were young. I would have tried to deal with their behavior while still trying to get what I need to done, even though it might have been nap time and they were fussy or whatever.


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## I found nemo (Feb 23, 2006)

I would absolutely do it again, even now  But Nick refuses to.
He says they are finally grown up ( 17, 15 and almost 9) and he is content.
I had my kids very young, except my last I had at 30.
I just think it's such a personal choice and you know what is best for you :biggrin: 
Some people are just happier with out children in their life and that is fine.
My friend never wanted kids then at 38 she changed her mind and BAM she has triplets :HistericalSmiley: :HistericalSmiley: 
Now she apologizes to me for saying your so lucky to get to stay home and not work :w00t: now she realizes how a mother's job is the hardest of any.
Just search your soul a bit and you will know . I think your still young and you may change your mind or you may not and that is fine as long as it's what YOU want..
Good Luck :biggrin:


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## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

I married young and had my first child at 20, I never thought about not having children back then it was the thing to do. I have three that I gave birth to and one I adopted. I fostered children from foreign countires who needed medical treatments for many years, at the age of thirty I had six kids in my home. I look back sometimes and can hardly believe I took on all that responsibility at such a young age. I enjoyed every moment and will always cherish all the memories my children have given me. I do think you are being very wise is thinking this out, Having a child brings great change to your life and you can no longer put yourself first. The joy of having a baby is a miracle from God but it doesn't stop there, for the rest of your life you will have great times of pure joy and many tears also. My children are grown now I have had many wonderful times with them and many deep painful ones as well. I never realized I could love so deeply and also hurt so deeply, but that all comes with being a mom. Three of my children now have their own children and I have to say times have really changed. I was a stay at home mom, my daughters have to work and their children have a different life style then their moms and dads had. I think people really need to stop and think as you are doing before they bring a child into this world. The kids today are faced with so many scarey things to deal with, many arien't able to have a childhood because of choices their mom's and dad's have made. Ok enough said, I always tell my one daughter that she really needs to pray and think things out before she decides to have a child. I would never want to have not experienced being a mom there is nothing more blessed, just pray and continue to think things out, I know God will show you the right decission to make.


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## njdrake (Apr 23, 2007)

I didn't want kids and when I found out I was pregnant I wasn't very happy about it. I got a little happier as time went on. When I had my son it was the best feeling I've ever had. It scares me to this day when I think about how close I came to not having a child. My only regret is that I didn't have two. I honestly with all my heart believe the best part of my life has been and is my son. Its a feeling no one can tell you about, its magical when you look at that baby for the first time and it just gets better and better. 
I really do feel its the deepest and most unconditional love you will ever have. 
My vote is YES!!


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## LUCY N PETS (Apr 21, 2009)

I guess its time for me to put my two cents in.

I feel if you have to ask if you should have children then the answer is no, you should not at this time.

There are many pros and cons of having children, I have 3 grown children and would not give anything for them.

But, over the years and trials and tribulations, expenses, cars, teenage years, I think I would really consider
it a lot especially in this day and time.

Now, it is only me and I spoil myself, I do what I want to do now since I lost my husband, I eat what I want,
travel when I want and get as many Malts as I want and believe me I love my pets in a different way, but it is
very rewarding and I love every day of it now. My grown kids say that I treat and take care of my furbabies
much better than they were. I tell them that they don't talk back, always there when I need them no questions
asked, never asks for money, and greet me at the door, they are the light of my days now. I don't know if I could
live without always having one, two, three, whose counting anyways.

So, I guess my advice to you is live your life the way you want and don't let anyone persuade you, it should
be yours and your husbands decision, this is not someone that will only be with you for a little while, but
for your entire life.

Hope I helped.
Lucy


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## Maglily (Feb 3, 2009)

I am definitely no expert and I know you asked this of the mothers...but I think I would get more info from the dr. about just how much time you have left to wait.....'now is as good a time as any' and the fact she never said that before, seems a little vague to make decisions. If she thinks there is a few years left without there being a concern, better to find out now than feeling so much pressure.

I tend to agree, if you are asking, now might not be the time. You will know when/if the timing is right, try not to compare to others your age and whether or not they have kids.


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## tygrr_lily (Aug 22, 2007)

QUOTE (LitGal @ May 8 2009, 11:55 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773630


> I know you didn't ask opinions from people who don't have children, but I've given this issue a lot of thought, so this is my two cents . . .
> 
> I think that whatever your decision, it needs to be a thoughtful and carefully considered one. I don't have children and don't plan to (I'm in my mid thirties, so I've had a while to weigh this choice). When people hear this, they always ask why I've chosen not to have children, and I have a solid response to this question because I have given it considerable thought. I find it interesting, however, that nobody asks my friends who are parents why they decided to have kids. That decision should be made as carefully as the decision not to become a parent.
> 
> ...


 i found this thread really interesting to read because i've thought a lot about it myself. i highly agree w/ litgal's perspective

i'm 25 and as of right now, i don't have a huge desire to have kids. everytime i say this to my friends, family, whomever, they act like it's blasphemy and it's because i'm young and will change my mind down the road. this may be true of course, but as of right now, i find myself leaning towards no, unless the person i end up with really wanted them, and we sat down and made the decision together. my bf right now doesn't want kids either, so maybe that is also affecting how i feel.

i also think you need to really think this through thorouglyl. i agree with litgal's comment that people always ask WHY when not having kids, but they don't question the people that have kids and are frankly terrible parents. if you are going to have kids, then you and your husband should want them 100%. i think it's great that you're thinking thoroughly about this because it's a huge decision to make that will affect your entire life. and that way you know if you DO end up having children, there will never be any regrets and you will have thought it through completely.

good luck on your decision!


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## wolfieinthehouse (Dec 14, 2007)

I am glad I had my three kids (now 18,16 and 8).

They have been the most amazing thing in my life.

Kids are not for everyone though. You either have the drive to have some or not.

I had the drive and believe me....it really is not all joy. You get the highest highs and lowest lows from the experience.


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## pammy4501 (Aug 8, 2007)

I was married very young, and have managed to stay married to DH for 35 years now. We
had kids without much thought. Really it was just the thing to do for couples in our era.
It's hard to imagine my life without kids or hubby. They are all grown now and are a 
big part of our lives and we have one grand daughter too. There were definetly times 
for me that it all felt overwhelming and like I didn't have enough of me to go around.
What I like now, is that women seem to feel more free to choose. No one forced me,
but I really didn't see that there were more choices for me as an individual. My son
has married and has a child. My youngest daughter is not opposed to marriage and 
children, but is in no hurry. My middle daughter has choosen to not have children. I 
support her choice completely. No one should have children just because. This is
not really an answer for you. You just need to feel it in your gut. If you want kids
go for it. If not, don't let anyone pressure you into thinking you are missing some
big magical thing. My husband and I joke now, wow, if we had known about Maltese
in the beginning, we could have skipped kids. It's really a joke though. At this time
in my life I wouldn't change a thing.


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## cuevasfam (Jul 13, 2008)

Well I have to put in my two cents now too.  

My husband and I have been trying to conceive for 4 1/2 years (I'm 38 so I started at 33). I have a 15 1/2 year old step son whom I've raised since the age of 8 (mother is completely out of picture - I am mom). As a few others have stated, we have major fertility issues. The sad thing is, there is nothing wrong with me or my husband. We can make the babies, they just don't want to attach. We've done 3 cycles of fertility meds (clomid), 4 cycles of IUI and 3 cycles of invitro and spent over $40,000.00. Needless to say, still no baby. 

My husband bought me Roxie after my 2nd round of invitro and bought me Ruby after my 3rd. We have a 4th cycle paid for, so we will be doing it again in 2 months. For the first time starting all of this, I'm at my most calm sense of being now then ever before. I'm enjoying my son and enjoying my girls even more. (He's 15 :smpullhair: ) Although I can't say how I'll feel if this next round comes up negative, at this point in my "sense of being", I don't think I would be as heartbroken. Kids are something I've wanted since I was 6. It's been devestating not being able to have them, but I have to say that if for some reason I don't get pregnant this round, I will have to believe that it's God's plan for me and I think I'll be okay..

Getting to my point. I think it's up to you and you only! Doesn't matter that everyone else is having kids allready. Do you want kids? Do you want them now? I believe God has a plan for all of us and I'm sure if God intends on your having children, you will have them - now or later.

I hope this helps...... Good luck and let us know what you decide.


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## allheart (Oct 3, 2008)

I'm 46 and hubby and I never have been blessed with children. We always said, whatever we were blessed with or not, we accept.

*What I do not miss about having children is...*

- them getting sick 

- someone hurting their feelings 

- having them bring home a report card that reads all C's or D's or even lower, knowing they tried their very best

- asking for the car keys :shocked: 

- going off to college 

- seeing their pain and tears when that boy doesn't call, when he said he would, or that girl not treating my son, the way I would hope


*What I miss about having children is*

- being there for them when they are sick 

- reinforcing how special they are and are to be valued when someone hurt their feelings 

- Letting them know that C or D is worth an A when they bring home a report card that reads all C's or D's or even lower, knowing they tried their very best. If they tried their very best...that D turns into an A

- asking for the car keys and being so proud that I trust them to be responsible.

- going off to college and being so proud they are finding their way and will enjoy all the experiences of college life

- Holding them so close when seeing their pain and tears when that boy doesn't call, when he said he would, or that girl not treating my son, the way I would hope.

- Seeing them make all their sacarments and just being so proud

*These are the things I don't miss...but maybe in some ways miss the most.*

I don't know if this helps...but I hope it does.


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## mom2bijou (Oct 19, 2006)

Great topic Sophia...one I"m constantly plagued with. I'll be 30 in January, married for almost 2 years. I have never had any desire to have kids. Everyone always says one day I'll change, I'll eventually be ready. But now that I"m married and moving into my 30's the desire just isn't kicking in. Lots of friends of mine are currently pregnant or have started their families. I"ll share this embarassing little fact with you (only dog lovers could understnad this one)...when someone has a baby I"m actually scared to go visit, but when someone we know gets a pup that's a different story....I"m the first one to go see it. There is something wrong with that picture. I think what it comes down to is that kids scare me. I never had any little siblings, cousins, neices or nephews running around. So I think not being around kids growing up maybe has made me like this. DH loves the freedom we both have right now and isn't pushing me but I know one day he'll be ready to have a baby. I always think crazy things like what will happen to B&E, will they adjust, etc etc. To other people they think I'm completely nuts for thinking like that. They also say based on how I am with B&E I would be a great Mother. 

I don't know if I'll change. Right now I'm just enjoying my life and being married but the big question is when is the right time? When do you know the time has come to start a family if you aren't someone who has been dreaming about being a Mommy since you were a little girl?

I can completely relate to you Sophia on this topic. Not that I"m happy your going through this but it's nice to know I'm not the only one plagued with similar feelings. I always feel like the odd one out for not having the "I can't wait to be a Mommy" gene.


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## twoleeighs (Nov 1, 2008)

I guess I'll put my 2 cents in as well :huh: 

My husband and I have two lovely daughters - ages 2.5 and 5. I don't even remember life without them - seriously! Of course, there are times that I would sell them to the highest bidder, LOL (obviously not really, but they do fight with eachother!) BUT, I would go back and live every second again if I could - in a HEARTBEAT!!! My children have been a driving force for so many things I have done (getting my CPA license, for one) that have shaped who I am today!

Right after #2 arrived, we decided that was enough and dh went in for snipping 

There are some days that I would love to have another baby in the house, but I think we'll have to stick to fur babies! In fact, I think that I've decided to let Vivi have a baby brother in another year or two (have to save up!).

We were the last of our friends to have kids (and we were 24 when our oldest was born), and we are the only ones of any of our friends to have only 2 - one of our friends has 4 and wants at least 1 more! YIKES! I can't handle that many kids, nor do I feel that I could provide for that many children and give them the experiences that I would like to be able to have for my children (college, etc.)

Two things that I have found to be pretty true:

1. If you wait for the "perfect time" to have kids, you will never have them!
2. You will never regret the kids you had, only the ones you didn't have (when you wanted to).

I wish you luck in your decision, it is a very personal one, and either way, you and your husband will have to make the decision that is right for you.

~April

P.S. - I hadn't realized that Cassanova was one of Bonnie's! He and Vivi have that in common - he is gorgeous!


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## garrettsmom (May 15, 2006)

Interesting thread.....and reading all of these varied posts makes me realize what a personal decision it is. In my case, I grew up with several siblings and always dreamed of being an 'only child' and living in a quiet home with lots of privacy. I guess this mindset followed me through adulthood because while I did have the urge to have a baby as I neared the big 3-0, I definitely felt one was enough! With one child, you get to experience all the joys of motherhood and will never feel 'cheated' by not having had one. Raising an only is less stressful in many respects as there is more time and financial resources. My sister on the other hand had 3 kids.....and while raising *3* is alot more work and hectic when they're young than one, she is now reaping the rewards of having grown children visit frequently and making weekends and holidays a little more joyful and interesting!. Then there's my younger brother and SIL who weren't able to conceive and while they mourned their inability to not have children for a while, they now lead a very comfortable life and enjoy great social activities and frequent travels/trips. 


So, there are pros and cons to every instance. I DO believe though that you should have children only if you have a great desire to RAISE them , not because you feel you 'should', or you fear being alone someday.


Another comment re what people feel about their furbabies. Maybe I can say this because my son is 18 and pretty independent, but I find owning a Maltese is very similar to having a baby....one that never grows up. Not that I'd trade my precious Winnie, but these little guys do put a damper on your lifestyle.....there's always concern about getting home to feed them on time, giving them enough love and attention and forget those yearly trips to the Caribbean; unless you have a dog sitter/family member you can trust, I find I do feel rather 'tied down'. So for all those childless Maltese owners, don't fear so much about a skin-kid because you're probably already in "mommy mode' and the transition won't be too difficult.


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## bellaratamaltese (May 24, 2006)

In my case - yes I'd do it all over again. but I'm glad that I did it when I didn't have a little white fluffer in my house because I can't guarantee that the little white fluffer wouldn't have taken a back seat once the baby arrived. As it is, my daughter and i are having a blast with this breed so definitely no conflicted feelings here! 

This is kind of one of those d*mned if you do, d*mned if you don't questions. So as others have said, this totally has to be up to you!! Good luck with your decision!


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## jenniferhope423 (Jun 25, 2007)

I'm 24 and have no children and am not married but I do want kids one day when the time is right.

I wanted to share a bit of encouragement to those of you who are having fertility problems. My mother had me at 21 and got pregnant again when she was 23 for my brother. Unfortunately he passed away due to the umbilical cord being wrapped around his neck when he was born. They tried and tried for years after and went through countless treatments and IVF a few times. Finally they decided that God must have just wanted them to have one child and accepted the fact that I would be an only child. Instead of undergoing another round of IVF my mom decided that she wanted us to take a vacation to Colorado so the money went to pay for a wonderful vacation. Well when we got back to Louisiana my mom found out that she was pregnant again. She was 36 when my brother, Christian was born.


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## princessre (Dec 23, 2008)

QUOTE (wolfieinthehouse @ May 8 2009, 02:03 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773663


> I had the drive and believe me....it really is not all joy. You get the highest highs and lowest lows from the experience.[/B]


Wow, that is really what I would imagine having kids to be. A very deep and emotional experience with a wider range than I can imagine right now.

QUOTE (mom2Bijou @ May 8 2009, 03:40 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773690


> When do you know the time has come to start a family if you aren't someone who has been dreaming about being a Mommy since you were a little girl?
> 
> I can completely relate to you Sophia on this topic. Not that I"m happy your going through this but it's nice to know I'm not the only one plagued with similar feelings. I always feel like the odd one out for not having the "I can't wait to be a Mommy" gene.[/B]


Tammy: Me too! I always felt like the odd one out! Honestly, I ask alot of my friends how they went about the decision making process and whether they planned to have their kids or not. Half of them say: "Of course I always wanted to have kids." The other half with kids say: "We weren't planning to, but we weren't planning not to..." To me either you are planning to, or you aren't. It's pretty obvious what will happen if you are married, but not protected. Maybe I overanalyze and overplan everything, but that is the way I am, so I can't really do it any other way.

QUOTE (TwoLeeighs @ May 8 2009, 03:58 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773711


> 1. If you wait for the "perfect time" to have kids, you will never have them!
> 2. You will never regret the kids you had, only the ones you didn't have (when you wanted to).
> P.S. - I hadn't realized that Cassanova was one of Bonnie's! He and Vivi have that in common - he is gorgeous![/B]


A friend of mine said the same thing. She was like: "You'll NEVER be completely ready, so just do it!"
p.s.: Thank you! Vivi is so pretty.


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## princessre (Dec 23, 2008)

QUOTE (mpappie @ May 8 2009, 11:15 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773619


> I have been married 22 years, we have no kids. We tried to get preg. but it never happened. We don't seem to miss having kids, except around the holidays. :biggrin:[/B]


I do wonder what % of married people with no kids regret it years later. That is good to know.


QUOTE (Sugarbaby @ May 8 2009, 11:22 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773620


> I LOVE MY SUGAR AND SHE IS ONE SPOILED LITTLE MALT BUT NO DOG COULD EVER TAKE THE PLACE OF A CHILD...IF YOU ARE BLESSED ENOUGH TO HAVE THEM AND WANT THEM PLEASE DO SO[/B]


Thank you for the encouragement. I love my fur baby so much and worry about him too...I wonder alot whether it is 5% like having a child, 50%, or 80%....Or nothing like having a child. Alot of my friends with kids think I'm totally nuts when I go out to dinner and miss Casanova. They always say, "You need to have a child!" I think people who are currently dealing with kids think dogs are kind of frivolous...

QUOTE (5maltsmom @ May 8 2009, 12:09 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773638


> I also think if you are a little older when you have them, you have more patience. At least that's the way I feel now. I have dealt with many children over the years, and I am much more patient and understanding of their feelings now than I feel I was when I was younger.[/B]


My dentist waited until she was 37, which believe it or not, is only a TAD late for NY'ers. She said she is so glad she waited because she was really ready for her kids and less overwhelmed than she would have been when she was younger.

QUOTE (I Found Nemo @ May 8 2009, 12:23 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773641


> I just think it's such a personal choice and you know what is best for you :biggrin:[/B]


I wished I knew what was best for me! :biggrin: 

QUOTE (Matilda's Mommy @ May 8 2009, 12:38 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773642


> I would never want to have not experienced being a mom there is nothing more blessed, just pray and continue to think things out, I know God will show you the right decision to make.[/B]


I hope so! One of the things I think about is whether I could have the full "human experience" without it. The thing is I won't know until I do it, but once I do it, I can't take it back! 

QUOTE (njdrake @ May 8 2009, 12:44 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773645


> Its a feeling no one can tell you about, its magical when you look at that baby for the first time and it just gets better and better.
> I really do feel its the deepest and most unconditional love you will ever have.[/B]


Awww....I can tell having children is super fulfilling to alot of people.

QUOTE (LUCY N PETS @ May 8 2009, 01:03 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773650


> I spoil myself, I do what I want to do now since I lost my husband, I eat what I want,
> travel when I want and get as many Malts as I want and believe me I love my pets in a different way, but it is
> very rewarding and I love every day of it now.[/B]


I'm so glad you're spoiling yourself, and sorry that you lost your husband. You sound like you love your life. I'm so happy for you.


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## CeeCee's Mom (Sep 14, 2006)

I think it has to be a personal longing..........

I posted a month or so ago, that I found out I was going to be a grandmother and in less than 2 wks, she had lost the baby. I would suggest that you search your heart and if that is your desire, do it NOW. After 35, it is harder to conceive. My daugher was career oriented and has a very professional job and she married later and before you know it, she was 39 and she and her husband were going to a fertility clinic. She barely had any egg production. It is a painful thing to go through. She had to have 4 shots in her stomach everyday when she ovulated........then to get pregnant and to lose it. She has been released from the doctor because she had to have a D & C and she said she was going to try again. Very expensive.......so to save yourself a lot of heartache and money, do it while your eggs are plentiful. We had never talked about children because I always hated the Mothers that tried to push their daughters into having children and putting pressure on them. I had no idea she was going to the fertility clinic and it is so heartbreaking to me that she lost what they wanted the most. She called me on the phone and to hear her voice was so horribly sad. She is not one to cry and her voice just broke and she said, "Mother, I lost the baby"!!! She even said to me the last visit that maybe it would be best if her husband found a younger woman.....she laughed when she said it but I know in my heart, she was still hurting. Enough of the sadness. If you felt compelled to post this, you must be thinking strongly about a little one. Good luck in your decision!!!!


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## cindy6755 (Mar 20, 2005)

My daughter is adopted and its the best decision I ever made. We were also doing fertily and I just got tired of it so we made the decision to adopt. So one day in mid June 1994 I started calling around to get information. I called this one lawyer and he said come one down after work, we are just down the street and we can talk. So I went there and was filling out some paper work in one room and this pregnant couple came in to get some money for some prescriptions she needed. Anyway before I knew it the lawyer asked if I wanted to met them. So we met and got along great. It turns out I had scanned her with her other children(I do Ultrasound) and she remembered me and liked me. They wanted us to adopt their baby and she was due in one month. They were a married couple with two other children and could not afford another one. So my daughter was born on July 13 and I got her July 14.








 here she is with one of my first fosters Emo


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## luvmyfurbaby (Feb 11, 2007)

I had mine very young I had just turned 21 and a month later I had my daughter. I think you know when you are ready I had always wanted children ever since I was a teenager. My daughter is the same way. I tired conceiving a few years later and I couldn't then I started to have a few marital issues and health issues (fibroid the size of a grapefruit) so the Dr. said until that is taken care of don't even bother you won't get pregnant. So I stopped concentrating on getting pregnant and a few months later I was pregnant with my son. I think it was God's intervention. I knew I was ready and ready to take on the challenge. 

I eventually wanted another but hubby didn't. My kids are my best friends. My daughter is a PITA but wouldn't change her for the world she is just like her dad. My son is my clone we are extremely close. When my daughter was moving out I need to fill the void so that is when I convinced hubby to get me Mia. I really really think you will know if and when it's time and I have seen women get pregnant into their forties of course more dangerous and harder to conceive but you still have time if that is something you want to do.


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## curls123 (Jul 20, 2008)

I think one of the questions to ask is: Do I feel the need to have a baby or do I want a family( to parent)? There is a distinction. I never felt the need to be pregnant, but wanted to parent. We have two boys who came to us, as infants, through private adoption (15 & 20) and a foster daughter (2). Our daughter will most probably go to an adoptive home soon. Bittersweet, but she will go to a couple who have been waiting to create a family. Adoptions through foster care are less then private adoptions and the children are often a bit older. My boys have not been easy, there have been issues, but I would make the same decision. So, my advice would be to sit down and have a real honest heart to heart with yourself and see what options are viable for you, your husband and your marriage.


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## camfan (Oct 30, 2006)

I'll chime in too 

First, here are some stats:
Infertility is one of the prime concerns facing couples in their 30s. According the National Institute of Health, fertility generally declines after 30. A woman under 30 having regular intercourse has about a 25-30% chance of getting pregnant each month. For a woman over 40, that chance diminishes to less than 10%. Yet infertility is just one obstacle. Added to this are health problems, which also increase as a woman enters her 30s and 40s, both for her and her unborn child.

According to the March of Dimes a woman over 35 has increased risk of miscarriage, C-section, and having a baby with a genetic disorder, such as Downs Syndrome, one of the most common genetic birth defects. At 25, a woman has a 1 in 1,250 chance of having a baby with Downs. At 35, the odds jump to 1 in 400, and at 40, the odds are 1 in 100, or a one percent chance of having a baby with this disorder.

I've got 2 girls ages 7 & 10. I think anyone that has had kids and says they wish they didn't have them (in seriousness) doesn't like themselves very much. Because they are literally part of you. Not to say that all parents have a natural-born instinct to love and care for their kids--obviously a lot don't. It takes a LOT of sacrifice and work. I'm working full time right now for the first time in my kid's lives and, let me tell you, it's the most challenging thing I've ever done in my life. But we have to to make ends meet right now. But I'd rather lose my own life than for anything to ever happen to my kiddos. And on a side note, I was not raised in the best of circumstances so being a mom hasn't always come "naturally" for me, I've had to work extra hard, I think. 

My girls bring SO much joy to my life--they make me laugh like crazy and make all the hard work not even a consideration. 

Best of luck in your decision!!


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## coco (Sep 20, 2006)

QUOTE


> .
> I've got 2 girls ages 7 & 10. I think anyone that has had kids and says they wish they didn't have them (in seriousness) doesn't like themselves very much. Because they are literally part of you. Not to say that all parents have a natural-born instinct to love and care for their kids--obviously a lot don't. It takes a LOT of sacrifice and work. I'm working full time right now for the first time in my kid's lives and, let me tell you, it's the most challenging thing I've ever done in my life. But we have to to make ends meet right now. But I'd rather lose my own life than for anything to ever happen to my kiddos. And on a side note, I was not raised in the best of circumstances so being a mom hasn't always come "naturally" for me, I've had to work extra hard, I think.
> 
> My girls bring SO much joy to my life--they make me laugh like crazy and make all the hard work not even a consideration.
> ...


I wasn't going to post to this thread, but I have to do so now. Obviously, you haven't had anything really bad happen with your kids at this point in time. That's great to know, but to say what you said is so totally unbelievable to me. When you go through something really bad with your children, maybe you'll have a different viewpoint. To condemn people without walking in their shoes is just totally unfair. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with liking yourself. There is much more to this situation than that. My children are grown and on their own at this point, but I know many parents of grown children who wish differently. Pam, I hope you never have REAL problems with your children. All of our children bring joy to our lives most of the time, especially when they are young, as yours are. This is not to say that I've had horrible problems with my children, but judging people who wish they'd never had them has absolutely NOTHING to do with not liking themselves.


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## maggieh (Dec 16, 2007)

I have no children but want to add this thought - if you don't want to have children, don't! I know too many people who had children because it was "the thing to do" or they were "running out of time" and they resent the children. It's not fair to the little ones to be caught in that situation - they are the ones who are hurting because of it.

That said, the baby in my life is my great-nephew and I wouldn't trade him for the world. He's perfect and his parents are perfect with him. For them, it's absolutely the right choice!

Do what you feel in your heart is right for you. Having a baby is not something you can call a "do over" on. Good luck! :grouphug:


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## BrookeB676 (Oct 17, 2004)

My husband and I dont have children yet, but I thought I'd mention my perspective. I personally have never even considered not having children. Not because I am naive, and believe that the only thing to gain from having children is joy. I understand that there are sacrifices, and I understand that life completely changes. But, it's never been a question for me because I personally would feel as if I lived an incomplete life. Also, I know the love, care, and nurture that I can provide someone else, and can't wait to so. To be a parent requires you to give a lot to someone else. Last, I have 4 brothers, and having the unconditional love and support that family, including your siblings and parents, provide is irreplaceable IMO. And, while I know this is not a solid reason for having children, I cannot wait to experience my parents joy of having grand kids. I recently became an aunt, and the feeling of witnessing the process of a growing child is hard to describe. That being said, it's obviously very much a personal decision. 

I also wanted to bring up that I'm not sure that there is ever a "perfect" time to have children. I think there are "ideal" times to have children, but I'm not convinced that there is some epiphany or lightbulb moment for everyone who would be a great mom. I just think that its important to understand that being a parent requires sacrifice, love, patience, and commitment. 

Also, something that has not been brought up is divorce. I'm not sure how relevant it is to this particular discussion, but it's something that I discuss openly with my husband because I am a product of divorced parents. While divorce can't be anticipated or necessarily prevented, I think having children and coming to a complete understand with your spouse about how you will handle the life changes that come with being a parent is extremely important. I know it seems premature to worry about raising kids before you have even chosen to have them, but time and time again I see friends or parents I know that have different parenting styles, different ways of balancing kids with their own relationship, or just different ways of bonding with the children, that can be detrimental to relationships.


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## lindad (Sep 17, 2008)

First I want to say Thank you for this post. 
We too like others have been trying for a little one too, even with meds (Femera) but with no luck. Thank you for sharing your stories it has been healing to me. Like Lisa I agree I do get jealous (and I hate to use this word) and sad at my friends at times (I have/had 5 babyshowers this month- so put on my smile). The worst is sometimes I get very resentful of my body (I am very very irregular). 
I used to say I didn't want any kids but when I appoarched 30 I started thinking about my life and my parents life. I grew up as the only child and the last two years I started thinking how important family is. I want to watch, teach and learn from something we made. When we get older I want to know I have someone there and hopefully grandchildren to spend time together too. My hubby and I are two huge kids and even took our niece to DisneyWorld last year (she had never been) just to see how this parenting thing goes, funny thing was we had more energy then her (she was 9 and ran track). 

I do think you are very smart thinking about the decision and asking for advise. This is a HUGE decision. The only advise I can give you (and we are trying it right now too) just stop being careful have fun and leave it up to God. 

Sincerely
Amy


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## dwerten (Oct 6, 2007)

I turned 40 this year and do not have kids so very interested in this topic too 

This is such a great post. It is so wild as a friend of mine told me stop hitting the snooze button as one day you will wake up and not be able to have kids and now being 40 it is real interesting. I have always been a real workaholic and the bread winner and never wanted to have kids until i could stay home and take care of them yet still the bread winner so have resigned to fact that probably not going to have them. Also I got my 3 pupsters and have had the health issues to deal with so it has been hard and thought wow if I had a child with health issues how would I be able to handle that and work full time  I have to hand it to the single moms -I do not know how you do it as when i get home from work I am exhausted. Dh is sad as wants to have kids but unless we move out of state probably not going to be an option. He is 15 years older as well so there are many variables. 

What was interesting is a month ago my aunt called me to adopt my cousin's baby as she was pregnant and we were thinking about it and my cousin lost the baby and my aunt passed away a week later  

I went to gyno in august and she was questioning me about it and then when we got down to the heart of it she said if people said what really went on behind closed doors many would not have them and laughed - lol she is a real riot but I feel the clock is ticking very loud now sadly. 

The funny thing is I was the one in the family everyone thought would have kids and my other cousins all wanted careers - well i ended up with the successful career and my cousins have 2-3 kids -lol -- I always say God has a sense of humor 

I have two nephews who are like my kids an i just hope I do not regret not having kids  I just keep hitting that snooze button though and life goes so fast the older you get and scares me


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## dwerten (Oct 6, 2007)

she is a doll 


QUOTE (cindy6755 @ May 8 2009, 07:19 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773791


> My daughter is adopted and its the best decision I ever made. We were also doing fertily and I just got tired of it so we made the decision to adopt. So one day in mid June 1994 I started calling around to get information. I called this one lawyer and he said come one down after work, we are just down the street and we can talk. So I went there and was filling out some paper work in one room and this pregnant couple came in to get some money for some prescriptions she needed. Anyway before I knew it the lawyer asked if I wanted to met them. So we met and got along great. It turns out I had scanned her with her other children(I do Ultrasound) and she remembered me and liked me. They wanted us to adopt their baby and she was due in one month. They were a married couple with two other children and could not afford another one. So my daughter was born on July 13 and I got her July 14.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## Cosy (Feb 9, 2006)

I think the best way to sum up parenthood is similar to what was said in that movie "Parenthood".
Steve Martin was reacting to his wife telling him she is pregnant again, and he's having a fit as
he'd just quit his job without talking to her about it. His mother is living with them and is constantly
straying in the neighborhood and is brought back once again. His emotionally sensitive son has
lost his retainer at his birthday party and the pizza place and he's been digging in the dumpster all
night looking for it. He tells his wife it's a darn rollercoaster
around here and they can't afford another kid. She says "I happen to LOVE the rollercoaster!".

And that says it all. If you like the rollercoaster of life, you will like being a parent. If you don't
then stay on the merry merry-go-round. LOL!!


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## princessre (Dec 23, 2008)

QUOTE (CeeCee's Mom @ May 8 2009, 06:15 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773773


> I think it has to be a personal longing..........
> I would suggest that you search your heart and if that is your desire, do it NOW. After 35, it is harder to conceive.[/B]


I'm so sorry that your daughter is having trouble. I do think 35 is really cutting it close b/c I will have either 0 or 2. If cutting it close was later, like 50 instead, then I would ask the question when I was 50. I was always the last person to turn in my papers in college... 

QUOTE (cindy6755 @ May 8 2009, 07:19 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773791


> My daughter is adopted and its the best decision I ever made. So my daughter was born on July 13 and I got her July 14.[/B]



That is so serendipitous. She was meant to be your daughter and you her Mom. She is absolutely adorable, by the way.


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## 3Maltmom (May 23, 2005)

QUOTE (Cosy @ May 8 2009, 11:09 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773897


> I think the best way to sum up parenthood is similar to what was said in that movie "Parenthood".
> Steve Martin was reacting to his wife telling him she is pregnant again, and he's having a fit as
> he'd just quit his job without talking to her about it. His mother is living with them and is constantly
> straying in the neighborhood and is brought back once again. His emotionally sensitive son has
> ...


LMAO ~ :HistericalSmiley: 

My son is my BFF, but must say, now that he's on his own, I'm now enjoying the Merry-Go-Round. arty:


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## godiva goddess (Nov 19, 2007)

QUOTE (BrookeB676 @ May 8 2009, 09:37 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773852


> My husband and I dont have children yet, but I thought I'd mention my perspective. I personally have never even considered not having children. Not because I am naive, and believe that the only thing to gain from having children is joy. I understand that there are sacrifices, and I understand that life completely changes. *But, it's never been a question for me because I personally would feel as if I lived an incomplete life. *Also, I know the love, care, and nurture that I can provide someone else, and can't wait to so. To be a parent requires you to give a lot to someone else. Last, I have 4 brothers, and having the unconditional love and support that family, including your siblings and parents, provide is irreplaceable IMO. And, while I know this is not a solid reason for having children, I cannot wait to experience my parents joy of having grand kids. I recently became an aunt, and the feeling of witnessing the process of a growing child is hard to describe. That being said, it's obviously very much a personal decision.[/B]


ITA! To not have children, in my opinion, would be an incomplete life. There are several stages in a human beings life...we evolve from childhood where we depend on our parents, then teens, then adulthood, then we hopefully find love and a partner we can share our love and life with;and we can start our OWN family. That is important to me and I look forward to starting my own family w/ DH. We will all age and when I die, I do not want to die without any issue or heirs. That would be a lonely death. I want to die knowing that I have a family and have given back to this world by raising children that will hopefully be productive and positive members of our society. I want to be remembered as a loving mother who would have done anything for her children. I want that to be my legacy. Not money, not fame. 

I am 25, and I do plan to have children before I reach 30. Aside from the obvious health/medical benefits, I want to be a younger mother so I can be as active and as involved in my childrens' life. My mother had me in her 20s and I am sooo happy she did b/c she and I are best best friends. We do so many things together, it is amazing. I love my mother so much and we have an incredible bond. She is my inspiration, my hero, my best friend. My only wish is that I can be half as great of a mother as she is to me. When I was in my teens, I never wanted to have children. As matter of fact, when I saw babies, I was a bit scared and did not want to hold them at all. I was modeling and I loved traveling for work, I remember telling my parents I never wanted to have kids b/c that "life" was not me. But, that all changed when I met my husband. He *is* the perfect man and all of sudden I just really wanted to have* his *kids!! LOL!! I never felt that way before but that was how I knew I had to marry him. When I think about having mini version of hubby walking around, my heart smiles. :wub: I know he would be a wonderful father esp when I see how loving he is to our Mia. She is his little angel. :wub: :wub: 

I think what you said about NY women is very true. NY is a city filled w/ ambitious women who want to do it all..and most of them do achieve tremendous career success..but then they hit 55, what now?? When we work hard for our careers, it is all about "me." But, I do not want to live a life that is all about "me." That is a selfish life, and I dont think I would be happy living a selfish life, esp twd the end of my life, when I look back and reflect. That would be a regrettable life.

My mother has taught me that the joy of giving to the one you love is more powerful than the joy of giving to yourself. I believe that applies for raising children and our Maltese babies as well. Is being a doggy mommy worry free 100% of the time? No. Is it hassle free? No. But does that diminish our joy and love? Absolutely not. My father has a very successful career, but when I was growing up, we did not see him as much b/c he was always so busy. Back then, I did not know why he had to work so hard. Then, when he was interviewed by a magazine a few years ago, he told the reporter that his proudest achievement was "his family." I later asked my father why and he told me that having me and my brother gave meaning to his life, and that we were the reason worth fighting and working hard for. That moment, I understood the love a parent has for his child.


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## princessre (Dec 23, 2008)

QUOTE (Coco @ May 8 2009, 09:09 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773837


> I know many parents of grown children who wish differently.[/B]


I totally agree that parents should not be judged for wishing differently. Life is a precious resource with limited time and energy. Yet children require your life's love and attention. Not knowing what specific problems, issues, and virtues your individual children will have and having to be prepared to deal with whatever life brings you and your child makes me totally understand why parents would do differently if they had to decide all over again, even if they love their children more than life itself. 

QUOTE (Cosy @ May 9 2009, 12:09 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773897


> If you like the rollercoaster of life, you will like being a parent. If you don't
> then stay on the merry merry-go-round. LOL!![/B]


Brit: That is a funny analogy...let me marinate on that...


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## Deborah (Jan 8, 2006)

Yes I would have children. I got married late in life. I had a girl. The next one miscarried. Had a boy then another miscarriage. Did not use birth control for 5 years and no baby. I had finally decided that I would not have a 3rd and was just fine. Well had another boy. I thought when this one became a teen I would be so old I would have no worries. Now I can't wait for him to get his drivers license.

There really is never a perfect time to decide to have kids. So if you want to just do it. I worked full time. Got a Masters and went on to get 60 more hours of education. Kids are not perfect they have good years and tough years. All in all most of it is pure love.

We did have Holland Lop Eared Bunnies they had a hutch and were outside pets.
I never got a pet until I knew kids would be in and out of the house. So we waited to get a Maltese. That way I knew that our Maltese would have people around and not be alone in the house for an entire day. In my case the big decision was to get a pet.


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## princessre (Dec 23, 2008)

QUOTE (godiva goddess @ May 9 2009, 12:36 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773902


> But, that all changed when I met my husband. He *is* the perfect man and all of sudden I just really wanted to have* his *kids!! LOL!! I never felt that way before but that was how I knew I had to marry him. When I think about having mini version of hubby walking around, my heart smiles. :wub: I know he would be a wonderful father esp when I see how loving he is to our Mia. She is his little angel. :wub: :wub:[/B]


LOL we talk about this alot. I would have a baby right this minute if I knew it was going to be a mini version of my husband! And he says he would have one now if he knew it was going to be a mini-me. Unfortunately that means one of us is going to be unhappy. :HistericalSmiley: OR both could be unhappy because the baby could turn out to be like his brother, who mooned the cheerleaders in HS. I've noticed that people can be very dissimilar in personality to their parents...

Your post is sweet. I'm really so glad you have such a close relationship with your Mom! I am close with my Mom too, and it is funny how that closeness translates to wanting to have children in you; whereas in me, I think, well maybe I would have more time to spend with my mom in her old age if I wasn't crazy busy with my own children...


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## godiva goddess (Nov 19, 2007)

QUOTE (princessre @ May 9 2009, 12:59 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773908


> LOL we talk about this alot. I would have a baby right this minute if I knew it was going to be a mini version of my husband! And he says he would have one now if he knew it was going to be a mini-me. Unfortunately that means one of us is going to be unhappy. :HistericalSmiley: *OR both could be unhappy because the baby could turn out to be like his brother, who mooned the cheerleaders in HS. I've noticed that people can be very dissimilar in personality to their parents...*
> 
> Your post is sweet. I'm really so glad you have such a close relationship with your Mom! I am close with my Mom too, and it is funny how that closeness translates to wanting to have children in you; whereas in me, I think, well maybe I would have more time to spend with my mom in her old age if I wasn't crazy busy with my own children...[/B]


LOL!!! :HistericalSmiley: :HistericalSmiley: 

Hmm..Well then maybe you can have 2 kids..one mini version of your hubby, one mini you! This way, you have the best of both worlds, a handsome boy and a beautiful girl!!  
All kidding aside, I think having children is a very personal choice and you should not rush into it unless you are 100% sure and ready...b/c there is no turning back! haha..But, I have a feeling that you are very intelligent and no matter what you choose, it will be the best decision for your and your hubby! :grouphug: 

I am happy to know that you are close with your mommy too. :thumbsup: Arent Moms such special people? hehe..it is very fitting that we have a holiday dedicated to just Moms!! I also think that you are a wonderful daughter to want to spend time with your mom in her old age. I give you so much respect for that!! :aktion033:


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## CrystalAndZoe (Jul 11, 2006)

I can really relate to Christine on this topic. I was the child who LOVED babies. I ALWAYS wanted to be a mommy. Always wanted to experience being pregnant. I was the one who loved to babysit. I was the one who everyone said was a ‘natural mommy’. I never had lofty career goals. I always wanted to be a wife and mother. Well, I guess that was not in the cards for me. I have never married and was told in my 20’s that it would be very difficult for me to get pregnant. That the older I got, the more difficult it would become. Now at 44 I have accepted the fact that I will never have skin children. I went through some pretty dark times to finally get to where I am now. Getting my Zoe was a HUGE part in my acceptance of what my life will be. She brought me out of the dark and into the light. I have finally gotten to the place where I can and even want to hold a baby again, without it causing me great heartache or even anger.

I will have to say that at this stage in my life, I am actually grateful I don’t have skin kids. Maybe I have gotten to the age that I don’t have the patience and stamina for temper tantrums, back talking, rebellion, etc… I think the last thing for me to come to grips with was not having a legacy. Not having children & grandchildren in my old age. Being alone in my old age & of course holidays. But then I realized after hearing so many people talk about broken relationships in the family, feuds, and grown children who have simply made bad life choices, that having children does not guarantee you will not be alone in your old age. Nursing homes are filled with mothers and fathers who have children and grandchildren who never visit them. And it is not always because they were a bad or uncaring parent. As a former youth worker, I can tell you that even the best parents can have kids that make wrong choices and rebel and want to place blame anywhere they can instead of accepting responsibility for their own actions and choices.

I don’t think choosing to NOT have children makes you a bad or selfish person. I think it makes you very responsible and it is a loving choice. Simply to have children because it is expected or seems the thing to do is imo, selfish and unloving. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent and should not be made to feel that they are bad or living an incomplete life. I think if you are unsure about becoming a parent, then don’t do it until you are sure. As for having regrets? All of us will have some regrets in life no matter how carefully we try to make decisions. But like I said, I was one who KNEW they wanted to be a mommy. And I am now at a place where I am very glad I’m not. The only thing that makes it a bit sad for me is when others can’t or won’t understand that my furkids have filled a dark whole in my heart and choose to not be happy with me and for me, but try to make me feel bad or silly for the joy I have with them. I mean, if I have finally come to a place in my life where I am happy, why try to rob me of that? I just don’t get it. Maybe deep down, they are regretting some of their own choices? For me, not having children was not a choice. The decision was made for me. However, I am very happy and feel complete. To have someone think I have an incomplete life because I don't have children is not only judgemental, but unkind. I think no matter what decisions you make throughout your life, right or wrong, you can choose to be either happy or unhappy. And I also think that whatever circumstances life throws at you, you can choose to be either happy or unhappy. Like the old saying, if life gives you lemons…make lemonade! I happen to like lemonade.


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## Lennabella (Mar 29, 2007)

It depends on what day of the week you ask me or what time of the month (3 girls) .. it's definately a sacrifice. I had my first daughter at 26 after being married 2 years ! - I didn't work so I enjoyed having a little girl so much - she kept me company while my husband was at work - I didn't have family in Detroit.

It's not been easy, lots of roller coasters, lots of juggling, at one stage I had one child in high school, one in middle school and one in elementary school, I was going nuts just driving around all day.

Things have settled down, they have their own lives practically, 2 drive and work at Nordstroms, just the 12 year old needs attention.

Would I do it again ??? I woudn't trade not having my girls with anything, but I think 3 is alot .. one is not enough .. I think 2 is perfect ..

Having said all - that my dream since I was young was to have one pregnancy with a boy and a girl - just like Deb's daughter-in-law .. what did God blessed me with - 3 girls :smheat: :smheat: 

It's definately a life changing experience, you are suddenly responsible for a human being 24/7 ..

But they do grow and now we leave them and can run away to Vegas every couple of months ...

Good luck and bravo for thinking it through .. 

Ohh and holding a little baby in your arms for the first time is the most amazing experience. :wub:


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

QUOTE (LitGal @ May 8 2009, 11:55 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773630


> I know you didn't ask opinions from people who don't have children, but I've given this issue a lot of thought, so this is my two cents . . .
> 
> I think that whatever your decision, it needs to be a thoughtful and carefully considered one. I don't have children and don't plan to (I'm in my mid thirties, so I've had a while to weigh this choice). When people hear this, they always ask why I've chosen not to have children, and I have a solid response to this question because I have given it considerable thought. I find it interesting, however, that nobody asks my friends who are parents why they decided to have kids. That decision should be made as carefully as the decision not to become a parent.
> 
> ...



Great post.

My sister decided long ago that she didn't wish to have children. I respect her for her decision. She did ask me my opinion and I told her she had my support. She always had her husband's support, too.

I do feel that it's probably best for a married couple to have an understanding and agreement on this one way or the other ... before they marry. I mean if it is clear that one partner feels that strongly to have or not have children.


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

QUOTE (cindy6755 @ May 8 2009, 07:19 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773791


> My daughter is adopted and its the best decision I ever made. We were also doing fertily and I just got tired of it so we made the decision to adopt. So one day in mid June 1994 I started calling around to get information. I called this one lawyer and he said come one down after work, we are just down the street and we can talk. So I went there and was filling out some paper work in one room and this pregnant couple came in to get some money for some prescriptions she needed. Anyway before I knew it the lawyer asked if I wanted to met them. So we met and got along great. It turns out I had scanned her with her other children(I do Ultrasound) and she remembered me and liked me. They wanted us to adopt their baby and she was due in one month. They were a married couple with two other children and could not afford another one. So my daughter was born on July 13 and I got her July 14.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Oh, what a beautiful story. Your daughter is beautiful, too.


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

QUOTE (Crystal&Zoe @ May 9 2009, 01:39 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773914


> I can really relate to Christine on this topic. I was the child who LOVED babies. I ALWAYS wanted to be a mommy. Always wanted to experience being pregnant. I was the one who loved to babysit. I was the one who everyone said was a ‘natural mommy’. I never had lofty career goals. I always wanted to be a wife and mother. Well, I guess that was not in the cards for me. I have never married and was told in my 20’s that it would be very difficult for me to get pregnant. That the older I got, the more difficult it would become. Now at 44 I have accepted the fact that I will never have skin children. I went through some pretty dark times to finally get to where I am now. Getting my Zoe was a HUGE part in my acceptance of what my life will be. She brought me out of the dark and into the light. I have finally gotten to the place where I can and even want to hold a baby again, without it causing me great heartache or even anger.
> 
> I will have to say that at this stage in my life, I am actually grateful I don’t have skin kids. Maybe I have gotten to the age that I don’t have the patience and stamina for temper tantrums, back talking, rebellion, etc… I think the last thing for me to come to grips with was not having a legacy. Not having children & grandchildren in my old age. Being alone in my old age & of course holidays. But then I realized after hearing so many people talk about broken relationships in the family, feuds, and grown children who have simply made bad life choices, that having children does not guarantee you will not be alone in your old age. Nursing homes are filled with mothers and fathers who have children and grandchildren who never visit them. And it is not always because they were a bad or uncaring parent. As a former youth worker, I can tell you that even the best parents can have kids that make wrong choices and rebel and want to place blame anywhere they can instead of accepting responsibility for their own actions and choices.
> 
> I don’t think choosing to NOT have children makes you a bad or selfish person. I think it makes you very responsible and it is a loving choice. Simply to have children because it is expected or seems the thing to do is imo, selfish and unloving. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent and should not be made to feel that they are bad or living an incomplete life. I think if you are unsure about becoming a parent, then don’t do it until you are sure. As for having regrets? All of us will have some regrets in life no matter how carefully we try to make decisions. But like I said, I was one who KNEW they wanted to be a mommy. And I am now at a place where I am very glad I’m not. The only thing that makes it a bit sad for me is when others can’t or won’t understand that my furkids have filled a dark whole in my heart and choose to not be happy with me and for me, but try to make me feel bad or silly for the joy I have with them. I mean, if I have finally come to a place in my life where I am happy, why try to rob me of that? I just don’t get it. Maybe deep down, they are regretting some of their own choices? For me, not having children was not a choice. The decision was made for me. However, I am very happy and feel complete. To have someone think I have an incomplete life because I don't have children is not only judgemental, but unkind. I think no matter what decisions you make throughout your life, right or wrong, you can choose to be either happy or unhappy. And I also think that whatever circumstances life throws at you, you can choose to be either happy or unhappy. Like the old saying, if life gives you lemons…make lemonade! I happen to like lemonade. [/B]


I think your post is wise and wonderful and full of reality. 

We are never going to please everyone. I feel that as long as we don't intentionally hurt others ...then it's the other person's problem if they choose to unfairly judge us. And, often it's those same people making judgements toward others ... who should look at their own selves first.


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## bek74 (Jun 26, 2006)

I have 3 sons and they are the light in my life. There is nothing I wouldn't do for my kids. I also have 3 furbabies and 2 purbabies, so I am blessed with having the best of both.

If your able to have children, you should. Living with regret is the hardest thing to live with. I should know. I had my tubes clamped after my youngest and then changed my mind and tried to have it reversed, 2 operations later and still no luck, that is my biggest regret EVER...

There is no other love than loving your child..

Good luck with whatever you decide


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## Nikki's Mom (Feb 13, 2008)

QUOTE (Crystal&Zoe @ May 9 2009, 01:39 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773914


> I can really relate to Christine on this topic. I was the child who LOVED babies. I ALWAYS wanted to be a mommy. Always wanted to experience being pregnant. I was the one who loved to babysit. I was the one who everyone said was a 'natural mommy'. I never had lofty career goals. I always wanted to be a wife and mother. Well, I guess that was not in the cards for me. I have never married and was told in my 20's that it would be very difficult for me to get pregnant. That the older I got, the more difficult it would become. Now at 44 I have accepted the fact that I will never have skin children. I went through some pretty dark times to finally get to where I am now. Getting my Zoe was a HUGE part in my acceptance of what my life will be. She brought me out of the dark and into the light. I have finally gotten to the place where I can and even want to hold a baby again, without it causing me great heartache or even anger.
> 
> I will have to say that at this stage in my life, I am actually grateful I don't have skin kids. Maybe I have gotten to the age that I don't have the patience and stamina for temper tantrums, back talking, rebellion, etc… I think the last thing for me to come to grips with was not having a legacy. Not having children & grandchildren in my old age. Being alone in my old age & of course holidays. But then I realized after hearing so many people talk about broken relationships in the family, feuds, and grown children who have simply made bad life choices, that having children does not guarantee you will not be alone in your old age. Nursing homes are filled with mothers and fathers who have children and grandchildren who never visit them. And it is not always because they were a bad or uncaring parent. As a former youth worker, I can tell you that even the best parents can have kids that make wrong choices and rebel and want to place blame anywhere they can instead of accepting responsibility for their own actions and choices.
> 
> I don't think choosing to NOT have children makes you a bad or selfish person. I think it makes you very responsible and it is a loving choice. Simply to have children because it is expected or seems the thing to do is imo, selfish and unloving. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent and should not be made to feel that they are bad or living an incomplete life. I think if you are unsure about becoming a parent, then don't do it until you are sure. As for having regrets? All of us will have some regrets in life no matter how carefully we try to make decisions. But like I said, I was one who KNEW they wanted to be a mommy. And I am now at a place where I am very glad I'm not. The only thing that makes it a bit sad for me is when others can't or won't understand that my furkids have filled a dark whole in my heart and choose to not be happy with me and for me, but try to make me feel bad or silly for the joy I have with them. I mean, if I have finally come to a place in my life where I am happy, why try to rob me of that? I just don't get it. Maybe deep down, they are regretting some of their own choices? For me, not having children was not a choice. The decision was made for me. However, I am very happy and feel complete. To have someone think I have an incomplete life because I don't have children is not only judgemental, but unkind. I think no matter what decisions you make throughout your life, right or wrong, you can choose to be either happy or unhappy. And I also think that whatever circumstances life throws at you, you can choose to be either happy or unhappy. Like the old saying, if life gives you lemons…make lemonade! I happen to like lemonade. [/B]


 :goodpost: I agree with much of what you said. I never wanted kids but then changed my mind in my thirties. After a stillborn child, my (ex) hubby said, "No more kids." I wasn't happy with that idea, but after a while it seemed okay because we had trouble and he finally left. I remarried at 43 and by that time I'd decided that I wasn't meant to have kids. My hubby has two grown kids and two grandkids. 

I have a complete life, as God has always brought all sorts of people into my life that need nurturing, and of course having furbabies is a joy. Hubby and I have a great life and although I haven't been blessed with the experience of raising kids, I have no regrets. My life has always been full and I have had many rollercoaster moments, as well as merry go round!


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## LitGal (May 15, 2007)

QUOTE (Crystal&Zoe @ May 9 2009, 12:39 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773914


> I think the last thing for me to come to grips with was not having a legacy. Not having children & grandchildren in my old age. Being alone in my old age & of course holidays. But then I realized after hearing so many people talk about broken relationships in the family, feuds, and grown children who have simply made bad life choices, that having children does not guarantee you will not be alone in your old age. Nursing homes are filled with mothers and fathers who have children and grandchildren who never visit them. And it is not always because they were a bad or uncaring parent. As a former youth worker, I can tell you that even the best parents can have kids that make wrong choices and rebel and want to place blame anywhere they can instead of accepting responsibility for their own actions and choices.
> 
> I don’t think choosing to NOT have children makes you a bad or selfish person. I think it makes you very responsible and it is a loving choice. Simply to have children because it is expected or seems the thing to do is imo, selfish and unloving. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent and should not be made to feel that they are bad or living an incomplete life.
> 
> To have someone think I have an incomplete life because I don't have children is not only judgemental, but unkind. I think no matter what decisions you make throughout your life, right or wrong, you can choose to be either happy or unhappy. And I also think that whatever circumstances life throws at you, you can choose to be either happy or unhappy. Like the old saying, if life gives you lemons…make lemonade! I happen to like lemonade. [/B]



:goodpost: I agree.


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## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

QUOTE (Crystal&Zoe @ May 9 2009, 01:39 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773914


> I can really relate to Christine on this topic. I was the child who LOVED babies. I ALWAYS wanted to be a mommy. Always wanted to experience being pregnant. I was the one who loved to babysit. I was the one who everyone said was a ‘natural mommy’. I never had lofty career goals. I always wanted to be a wife and mother. Well, I guess that was not in the cards for me. I have never married and was told in my 20’s that it would be very difficult for me to get pregnant. That the older I got, the more difficult it would become. Now at 44 I have accepted the fact that I will never have skin children. I went through some pretty dark times to finally get to where I am now. Getting my Zoe was a HUGE part in my acceptance of what my life will be. She brought me out of the dark and into the light. I have finally gotten to the place where I can and even want to hold a baby again, without it causing me great heartache or even anger.
> 
> I will have to say that at this stage in my life, I am actually grateful I don’t have skin kids. Maybe I have gotten to the age that I don’t have the patience and stamina for temper tantrums, back talking, rebellion, etc… I think the last thing for me to come to grips with was not having a legacy. Not having children & grandchildren in my old age. Being alone in my old age & of course holidays. But then I realized after hearing so many people talk about broken relationships in the family, feuds, and grown children who have simply made bad life choices, that having children does not guarantee you will not be alone in your old age. Nursing homes are filled with mothers and fathers who have children and grandchildren who never visit them. And it is not always because they were a bad or uncaring parent. As a former youth worker, I can tell you that even the best parents can have kids that make wrong choices and rebel and want to place blame anywhere they can instead of accepting responsibility for their own actions and choices.
> 
> I don’t think choosing to NOT have children makes you a bad or selfish person. I think it makes you very responsible and it is a loving choice. Simply to have children because it is expected or seems the thing to do is imo, selfish and unloving. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent and should not be made to feel that they are bad or living an incomplete life. I think if you are unsure about becoming a parent, then don’t do it until you are sure. As for having regrets? All of us will have some regrets in life no matter how carefully we try to make decisions. But like I said, I was one who KNEW they wanted to be a mommy. And I am now at a place where I am very glad I’m not. The only thing that makes it a bit sad for me is when others can’t or won’t understand that my furkids have filled a dark whole in my heart and choose to not be happy with me and for me, but try to make me feel bad or silly for the joy I have with them. I mean, if I have finally come to a place in my life where I am happy, why try to rob me of that? I just don’t get it. Maybe deep down, they are regretting some of their own choices? For me, not having children was not a choice. The decision was made for me. However, I am very happy and feel complete. To have someone think I have an incomplete life because I don't have children is not only judgemental, but unkind. I think no matter what decisions you make throughout your life, right or wrong, you can choose to be either happy or unhappy. And I also think that whatever circumstances life throws at you, you can choose to be either happy or unhappy. Like the old saying, if life gives you lemons…make lemonade! I happen to like lemonade. [/B]



:aktion033: :goodpost:


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## mysugarbears (Aug 13, 2007)

QUOTE (Crystal&Zoe @ May 9 2009, 12:39 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773914


> I can really relate to Christine on this topic. I was the child who LOVED babies. I ALWAYS wanted to be a mommy. Always wanted to experience being pregnant. I was the one who loved to babysit. I was the one who everyone said was a ‘natural mommy’. I never had lofty career goals. I always wanted to be a wife and mother. Well, I guess that was not in the cards for me. I have never married and was told in my 20’s that it would be very difficult for me to get pregnant. That the older I got, the more difficult it would become. Now at 44 I have accepted the fact that I will never have skin children. I went through some pretty dark times to finally get to where I am now. Getting my Zoe was a HUGE part in my acceptance of what my life will be. She brought me out of the dark and into the light. I have finally gotten to the place where I can and even want to hold a baby again, without it causing me great heartache or even anger.
> 
> I will have to say that at this stage in my life, I am actually grateful I don’t have skin kids. Maybe I have gotten to the age that I don’t have the patience and stamina for temper tantrums, back talking, rebellion, etc… I think the last thing for me to come to grips with was not having a legacy. Not having children & grandchildren in my old age. Being alone in my old age & of course holidays. But then I realized after hearing so many people talk about broken relationships in the family, feuds, and grown children who have simply made bad life choices, that having children does not guarantee you will not be alone in your old age. Nursing homes are filled with mothers and fathers who have children and grandchildren who never visit them. And it is not always because they were a bad or uncaring parent. As a former youth worker, I can tell you that even the best parents can have kids that make wrong choices and rebel and want to place blame anywhere they can instead of accepting responsibility for their own actions and choices.
> 
> I don’t think choosing to NOT have children makes you a bad or selfish person. I think it makes you very responsible and it is a loving choice. Simply to have children because it is expected or seems the thing to do is imo, selfish and unloving. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent and should not be made to feel that they are bad or living an incomplete life. I think if you are unsure about becoming a parent, then don’t do it until you are sure. As for having regrets? All of us will have some regrets in life no matter how carefully we try to make decisions. But like I said, I was one who KNEW they wanted to be a mommy. And I am now at a place where I am very glad I’m not. The only thing that makes it a bit sad for me is when others can’t or won’t understand that my furkids have filled a dark whole in my heart and choose to not be happy with me and for me, but try to make me feel bad or silly for the joy I have with them. I mean, if I have finally come to a place in my life where I am happy, why try to rob me of that? I just don’t get it. Maybe deep down, they are regretting some of their own choices? For me, not having children was not a choice. The decision was made for me. However, I am very happy and feel complete. To have someone think I have an incomplete life because I don't have children is not only judgemental, but unkind. I think no matter what decisions you make throughout your life, right or wrong, you can choose to be either happy or unhappy. And I also think that whatever circumstances life throws at you, you can choose to be either happy or unhappy. Like the old saying, if life gives you lemons…make lemonade! I happen to like lemonade. [/B]



:aktion033: :goodpost: Actually it's not a good post it's a Great Post!


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## daisyg (Jun 21, 2007)

I am 24 and have had Ryan for 6 weeks now....and i can say i can't imagine life without him. Holding him is amazing like...wow i made him and brought him into this world.....DH is also head over heels. We did not plan this pregnancy but, i would do it over in a heart beat..believe it or not I'm ready for #2...but we are waiting 2 more years. 

my vote is yes!!!


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## godiva goddess (Nov 19, 2007)

*Crystal&Zoe,* If your post is referring to my reply, then I am sorry if you felt somewhat offended. I did not intend to hurt anyone's feelings. This thread asked for honest opinions regarding children and I gave it. I do not think it is judgmental to say that not having children would make *my* life incomplete; because it would. I specifically said that this opinion was mine and I never said it was a catch all for every single person. When people give opinions, they are essentially giving their own judgments. I do not see anything wrong with that as long as it is always respectful.

I believe that if my husband and I have the capacity (financial stability, fertility) to have children, but chooses not to b/c we rather enjoy our own lives to have fun and never sacrifice for children, then that would be selfish of *us.* It is not b/c having kids is "expected" but rather, it is something that I want to do b/c I want to have my own family! And, I don't think I should shy away from my dream simply b/c having kids would be a lot of work. That to me, is selfish of me; I was not raised to give up on my own dream just b/c it takes "work." I also believe that in my old age, I would have regretted that I did not leave a legacy; and it would be a lonely death for me. If God would not bless me of having my own biological children, then I would adopt. I have the financial ability and love to raise children, no matter if it is mine biologically or not. I would love them all the same. I want to raise a family and give my love, care and devotion to my children. I specifically reserved my opinion categorically to myself but if you felt offended as well, then I am sorry you do.

I do not think child raising is easy..it probably is the hardest job of all. But, I don't think it is an impossible task b/c I think my parents did alright. LOL. My brother and I are not in jail and we have managed to not make too much trouble for our parents. :HistericalSmiley: I think my DH turned out alright too, so obviously his parents did something right..haha...All my friends have successful careers and are productive members of society..I think their parents did allright too! I don't aim to raise Noble Prize winners neither..I just want to raise loving, educated and independent children who can grow to give back to our society. I know I would have to make many sacrifices in my choice, but I don't mind; I think the greatest joy comes from times that you do make sacrifices. 

My opinion is a result of my own life experience, my education, as well as my law school concentration which is health law. In my health law clinic, I not only had to draw up health care proxies but also wills and trusts for clients. I know very very well what happens in nursing homes; b/c that was where most of our clients were from. Yes there are many seniors there who have children who do not care, but there are also equally as many seniors who have children who care deeply. I also know what it is like to draw up wills for clients who have no issues, no heirs..and I know what happens to their assets and estates. I also know what it is like to draw up health care proxies for them but they have no proxy to name b/c they have no surviving spouse, no issue, and their friends and relatives have predeceased them. It was absolutely heart breaking to devise such legal documents for those clients. I saw the loneliness in their eyes, and that was the hardest part of it all. 

Growing up in NY, I am a socially liberal person. I support equality as well as choice to choose, whatever that choice is. I think wanting to raise a family is just as a realistic and practical choice as not wanting to. I have absolutely no problem w/ people choosing not to have children, I just know that that is not MY choice.


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## I found nemo (Feb 23, 2006)

QUOTE (godiva goddess @ May 9 2009, 02:03 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=774013


> *Crystal&Zoe,* If your post is referring to my reply, then I am sorry if you felt somewhat offended. I did not intend to hurt anyone's feelings. This thread asked for honest opinions regarding children and I gave it. I do not think it is judgmental to say that not having children would make *my* life incomplete; because it would. I specifically said that this opinion was mine and I never said it was a catch all for every single person. When people give opinions, they are essentially giving their own judgments. I do not see anything wrong with that as long as it is always respectful.
> 
> I believe that if my husband and I have the capacity (financial stability, fertility) to have children, but chooses not to b/c we rather enjoy our own lives to have fun and never sacrifice for children, then that would be selfish of *us.* It is not b/c having kids is "expected" but rather, it is something that I want to do b/c I want to have my own family! And, I don't think I should shy away from my dream simply b/c having kids would be a lot of work. That to me, is selfish of me; I was not raised to give up on my own dream just b/c it takes "work." I also believe that in my old age, I would have regretted that I did not leave a legacy; and it would be a lonely death for me. If God would not bless me of having my own biological children, then I would adopt. I have the financial ability and love to raise children, no matter if it is mine biologically or not. I would love them all the same. I want to raise a family and give my love, care and devotion to my children. I specifically reserved my opinion categorically to myself but if you felt offended as well, then I am sorry you do.
> 
> ...


Great Post.. And I know it came from your heart :grouphug: 
We all need things in our life that will differ from others. the challenge is to accept everyone for who they are and what they choose and still be able to be who we are .
And YES I think your parents did an excellent job with you :biggrin:


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## daisyg (Jun 21, 2007)

QUOTE (godiva goddess @ May 9 2009, 01:03 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=774013


> *Crystal&Zoe,* If your post is referring to my reply, then I am sorry if you felt somewhat offended. I did not intend to hurt anyone's feelings. This thread asked for honest opinions regarding children and I gave it. I do not think it is judgmental to say that not having children would make *my* life incomplete; because it would. I specifically said that this opinion was mine and I never said it was a catch all for every single person. When people give opinions, they are essentially giving their own judgments. I do not see anything wrong with that as long as it is always respectful.
> 
> I believe that if my husband and I have the capacity (financial stability, fertility) to have children, but chooses not to b/c we rather enjoy our own lives to have fun and never sacrifice for children, then that would be selfish of *us.* It is not b/c having kids is "expected" but rather, it is something that I want to do b/c I want to have my own family! And, I don't think I should shy away from my dream simply b/c having kids would be a lot of work. That to me, is selfish of me; I was not raised to give up on my own dream just b/c it takes "work." I also believe that in my old age, I would have regretted that I did not leave a legacy; and it would be a lonely death for me. If God would not bless me of having my own biological children, then I would adopt. I have the financial ability and love to raise children, no matter if it is mine biologically or not. I would love them all the same. I want to raise a family and give my love, care and devotion to my children. I specifically reserved my opinion categorically to myself but if you felt offended as well, then I am sorry you do.
> 
> ...


Great Post!!! This is exactly how I felt before I had Ryan....I always knew I wanted kids ALWAYS....I am irregular so I thought when I am ready I will get a doc appt. and try to get the period regular....and KABOOM he was already on the way....was I ready NO.....but I don't think I would have ever said now I am ready and what if I was ready but I could not conceive, I would be devastated. I don't think anyone is really ever READY for kids or marriage....you may be the most prepared person on the planet for either or and BAM things don't go as planned! I think that the older you get the harder it is to make a decision to have children....when you are young you are naive and have no fears really and think it will work out no matter what obstacle is ahead....the older you get the you take so many things into account...and sometimes we are so set on our own ways that change could be hard, one may think why ruin a good thing...just like the couple that lives together but never marries same thing. I think having children is a VERY personal decision....and sometimes we who can conceive fairly easily take it for granted.....I'll never forget the day that I was was so tired of being pregnant..OMG...my ankles were huge....I was HUGE....and I was like that's it this is horrible TORTURE....and the Ceecee's mom daughter had a miscarriage....I remember reading her post and thinking OMG I am such an idiot...here I am carrying one of god greatest miracles....and he chose meee to be Ryan's mommy....boy am I lucky....I need to stop taking this for granted and enjoy every second of it. The 18 hours of labor were hard...but now I know it was worth every SECOND of it and like I said I am ready for #2, that is if god permits me to.


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## bentleyboy (Dec 13, 2006)

QUOTE (Crystal&Zoe @ May 9 2009, 01:39 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773914


> I can really relate to Christine on this topic. I was the child who LOVED babies. I ALWAYS wanted to be a mommy. Always wanted to experience being pregnant. I was the one who loved to babysit. I was the one who everyone said was a ‘natural mommy’. I never had lofty career goals. I always wanted to be a wife and mother. Well, I guess that was not in the cards for me. I have never married and was told in my 20’s that it would be very difficult for me to get pregnant. That the older I got, the more difficult it would become. Now at 44 I have accepted the fact that I will never have skin children. I went through some pretty dark times to finally get to where I am now. Getting my Zoe was a HUGE part in my acceptance of what my life will be. She brought me out of the dark and into the light. I have finally gotten to the place where I can and even want to hold a baby again, without it causing me great heartache or even anger.
> 
> I will have to say that at this stage in my life, I am actually grateful I don’t have skin kids. Maybe I have gotten to the age that I don’t have the patience and stamina for temper tantrums, back talking, rebellion, etc… I think the last thing for me to come to grips with was not having a legacy. Not having children & grandchildren in my old age. Being alone in my old age & of course holidays. But then I realized after hearing so many people talk about broken relationships in the family, feuds, and grown children who have simply made bad life choices, that having children does not guarantee you will not be alone in your old age. Nursing homes are filled with mothers and fathers who have children and grandchildren who never visit them. And it is not always because they were a bad or uncaring parent. As a former youth worker, I can tell you that even the best parents can have kids that make wrong choices and rebel and want to place blame anywhere they can instead of accepting responsibility for their own actions and choices.
> 
> I don’t think choosing to NOT have children makes you a bad or selfish person. I think it makes you very responsible and it is a loving choice. Simply to have children because it is expected or seems the thing to do is imo, selfish and unloving. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent and should not be made to feel that they are bad or living an incomplete life. I think if you are unsure about becoming a parent, then don’t do it until you are sure. As for having regrets? All of us will have some regrets in life no matter how carefully we try to make decisions. But like I said, I was one who KNEW they wanted to be a mommy. And I am now at a place where I am very glad I’m not. The only thing that makes it a bit sad for me is when others can’t or won’t understand that my furkids have filled a dark whole in my heart and choose to not be happy with me and for me, but try to make me feel bad or silly for the joy I have with them. I mean, if I have finally come to a place in my life where I am happy, why try to rob me of that? I just don’t get it. Maybe deep down, they are regretting some of their own choices? For me, not having children was not a choice. The decision was made for me. However, I am very happy and feel complete. To have someone think I have an incomplete life because I don't have children is not only judgemental, but unkind. I think no matter what decisions you make throughout your life, right or wrong, you can choose to be either happy or unhappy. And I also think that whatever circumstances life throws at you, you can choose to be either happy or unhappy. Like the old saying, if life gives you lemons…make lemonade! I happen to like lemonade. [/B]


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## a2z (Aug 23, 2004)

I definitely would have had dogs instead! And I told my children that. You get a much greater return on your investment with dogs. 

Happy Mother's Day!
Ann & Zoey


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## winterc0ld (Aug 9, 2006)

Im a mum to a close to 3 mths old girl and frankly i wouldn`t give her up for the world.. But i wished i have waited longer though i was ttc for about 3yr+.. I said that i would like to wait longer in the sense where i can be more mature in my thinking and decision because through the years that i TTC, i find that i have mature alot and i know how to think even more wisely instead of doing childish and rash decisions. The only thing now i find not suitable as im waiting for my own flat and living with my parents with a baby.And i get blamed for everything from her having colic to even her crying..

And its very stressful because everytime she cries, my mum would run from her room to my room like im torturing her, and grab her into her room to make her quiet and hand to me telling me to carry her to sleep.. er as if i dont need sleep and if she is unsuccessful with stopping to make her cry, she would return to me and go back to sleep.. :shocked:


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## winterc0ld (Aug 9, 2006)

QUOTE (DaisyG @ May 10 2009, 01:40 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=774001


> I am 24 and have had Ryan for 6 weeks now....and i can say i can't imagine life without him. Holding him is amazing like...wow i made him and brought him into this world.....DH is also head over heels. We did not plan this pregnancy but, i would do it over in a heart beat..believe it or not I'm ready for #2...but we are waiting 2 more years.
> 
> my vote is yes!!![/B]


I feel that having a baby is addicting and i feel ready for a 2nd when she is 1mth old.. but im telling myself, wait wait, because i want to breastfeed her to at least 1 year old.. i just want to give her the best milk if possible forever :wub:


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## Toby's Mom (May 7, 2004)

I haven't read through all the posts, but here is my opinion...

As a child, I knew I never wanted kids. I didn't even like kids my own age (yeah, I was kind of weird). I hated babysitting and never wanted anything to do with kids. I knew that my destiny in life was to never have any--I knew it and happily accepted it. 

When I was in my early 20's, I went through some stuff and doctors told me that I should have my eggs frozen because I would never be able to have children. I happily told them to forget it (My mom was standing there with me telling me it was a huge decision and not to make it so abruptly, but I told her I have always known children aren't for me). So, I opted to not freeze my eggs.

Two years later I met my husband and as the relationship became serious, we talked about marriage and kids and he told me he wanted a house full. I told him then he better reconsider marriage because I can't have children nor do I have any desire to be a mother. He said he didn't care that much about kids and just wanted to marry me. Awww... :wub: 

So, here I am, married for almost eight years and do I want children? NOPE! I know they aren't for me. Do I ever get that mothering feeling--of course. Oddly enough, it really gets me when we go places like Disney World and I see all the kids who are so excited and all the happy families. However, then I think about what reality is and it certainly isn't Disney World. LOL 

This past year, I can't tell you how many people I know who have had babies or have gotten pregnant. One friend got pregnant and about four or five jumped on that band wagon. One friend in particular got pregnant just to get pregnant so she could be pregnant along with her friends--she never wanted children and is having a very hard time coping with it. I can't believe the number of people who have kids because it is the thing to do without REALLY thinking about what they are doing.

Yes, I am selfish--VERY selfish. I know it and that is why I think it is a mature decision on my part to not have children. I think it is the responsible choice. I have thought long and hard about having children and every time I come back to the same decision--it isn't for me. My husband and I have often talked about adopting a child, but I have zero interest in it. I just don't want to give up my freedom. I have had long talks with my husband about it because I know he would make a wonderful father--better mother than I would make and he says it just isn't in the cards for us and he is fine with our life together.

I know some people worry about the future, but having children or not having children doesn't guarantee anything for the future, so I certainly can't rely on that. Will I regret my choice, maybe, but I can't and won't do my life any other way.

I hope that helps some.


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## 3Maltmom (May 23, 2005)

QUOTE (a2z @ May 10 2009, 10:26 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=774249


> I definitely would have had dogs instead! And I told my children that. You get a much greater return on your investment with dogs.
> 
> Happy Mother's Day!
> Ann & Zoey[/B]



LMFAO ~ You're hilarious!! :HistericalSmiley:


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## lottapaws (Mar 29, 2006)

I haven't read all of the posts, but thought I'd join in and offer my two cents (if we all really tossed in 2 cents, you'd be buying a Starbucks by now, lol) 

Before I had children, I met a young mother who was with her infant son. She told me she did NOT want children, EVER nor did her husband. But she "accidentally" became pregnant and said that she could not imagine life without her little one (and he was just an infant!) She told me how she and her DH wanted to have the freedom to do what they wanted, etc., but that her priorities instantly changed after holding her baby and she didn't want to be without him for one second. She said she was even considering quitting her job which had been her dream job! (She did quit, by the way, and never regretted it.) We had some dear friends whose story mirrors this one. They absolutely wanted no children, but were the most loving, attentive parents and adore their son. 

There are also those who thought they wanted children until they had them. Those parents end up with children who can sense their parent's frustrations and those children become problem children, fussy, argumentative, etc. My heart breaks for those children. My point being that sometimes our wishes change with reality, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. 

As for me, I always wanted children, a house full of them. I am a "problem" pregancy and we lost our first child shortly after birth. I was bed bound for my other two pregnancies and had horrendous labor with all three. But having that child in my arms is like a drug for me. My children are now grown, 29 and 27. They are the light of my life and always have been!! They have NEVER given me a minutes trouble, no terrible twos, no crying when they had their shots, no backo-talk, nothing! We have enjoyed every single minute of our children and still include them when we vacation. Granted, they've had some health concerns which have put a few gray hairs on my head and probably subtracted a few years off my life, but I guess that is how I paid my dues as a mother, lol. I am so proud of the adults they have become, and when I've passed, I know they'll be working on making this a better world. If I had it to do all over again, I would go through heck to have my children. My husband and I have learned so much from them, sometimes we just sit and are amazed at how much they have enriched our lives and our marriage. 

As for furbabies, I had furbabies before I was married and that was a prerequisite for any man I dated.....he had to love furbutts and mine had to love him. We've always had furkids and spoiled them just like our kids. We had an aged dog that was diagnosed with cancer in early November one year. I talked it over with DH and our kids and said that our furbaby was ten and that chemo was not guaranteed to save her and that we'd have to have very little Christmas that year. It was unanimous that our furkid have those treatments. She had another year and a half with us being spoiled more than anyone can even imagine, lol. Now that our skin kids are grown and into homes of their own, we seem to haved added more furkids, lol. Both skin kids have spoiled pets, too, but I keep telling them I want some skin kids from them, too!!!! 

But this is just my story, and I wanted kids more than I wanted air to breathe. I wouldn't begin to help anyone else make such a decision because that is such a personal choice. I am so sorry that people can be so insensitive and so unthoughtful when it comes to young couples (and to me, you are young, lol) who have chosen not to have children. That is so personal and I wish those people would realize that not having children is not something "bad"!!!!! I think their intentions are innocent, but I wish they "knew better". 

If you are a person of faith, there is One who can offer the best advice for you..... May your decision be what is right for you and your DH!!!!!!


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## lillady (Jan 25, 2007)

I'm a new mommy but I wouldn't trade it for the world-Ella is my life!


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## Hunter's Mom (Dec 8, 2008)

I have taken the time to read everyone's responses to this post. My heart has broken for those who have had trouble conceiving and wanted to so badly and it has rejoyced for those who have found that either making the decision to have a child or not to has completed their lives. Being in my late 20s I can understand the feelings of those who are still a bit unsure about timing of any possible children or concerns about wanting to wait.

I have learned a lot from my life. I am the oldest of seven children, six that are still a part of my family. I have biological siblings, half siblings, and an adopted sibling. I have a mother, a father, a step-father, and a step-mother. Because of divorce and death I have various levels of extended family. All in all I would say that I have one of the most 'normal' 21st century families and I would not trade a moment of our twisted and contorted family tree for any amount of money or simplicity.

As a child I did not want to get married nor did I want to have children. Because of the dynamics of my family I began babysitting at an incredibly early age and continue to sit for my siblings to this day; the three youngest are under the age of fourteen and I spend at least one weekend a month with them. During my teen years and in my early twenties I remained committed to the desire to not have children - though I had begun to rethink my stance on marriage. Now that I am in my late twenties I have begun to again think about my stance on whether I want to have children and have decided that I do want to have children. I would like to have two children.

My husband is an only child so his life was and continues to be very different from mine. As his parents age there is no one to share the burden or the stress with; there is also no one to celebrate special moments with. I have so many siblings to share special moments with, to celebrate the holidays with and who I will be able to lean on and depend on when times get tough or when tragedy strikes. I take great comfort in these thoughts so while I support anyone's decision to have only one child, I have decided that I would like to have two. However, I will not take that decision out of God's hands. I do not judge people for attempting to get pregnant through different measures (some of my friends have done so) and I celebrate the births of their much wanted children, but it not something I want to do. I have decided that if, for whatever reason, God decides that I am not to bear children I will be happy with that decision and I will do my very best to continue to be the best sister I can be to my siblings and a wonderful aunt to whatever children they decide to have. Perhaps, if this is to be the course my life takes, I will open my home to other children in need (whether it be adoption of foster programs). 

But, this is my opinion; these are my thoughts; and these are the decisions that I think are most appropriate for my life.


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## garrettsmom (May 15, 2006)

:goodpost: :goodpost: QUOTE (Tobys Mom @ May 10 2009, 03:53 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=774307


> I haven't read through all the posts, but here is my opinion...
> 
> As a child, I knew I never wanted kids. I didn't even like kids my own age (yeah, I was kind of weird). I hated babysitting and never wanted anything to do with kids. I knew that my destiny in life was to never have any--I knew it and happily accepted it.
> 
> ...



:goodpost: Honest and refreshing!


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## princessre (Dec 23, 2008)

I just wanted to say thank you all so much for your personal views on such a sensitive subject. I know that it takes trust and energy to share your heartfelt opinions.


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## camfan (Oct 30, 2006)

omg, I responded to this TWICE now and when I post it, it's not there...ok, I copied and am pasting my last answer...to CoCo's mom who replied to me in this thread earlier...

I responded to this last night and don't know what happened...I'm sorry, hon, for your situation. I was insensitive. 
There ARE a lot of moms who don't care for their kids b/c they don't love themselves for whatever reason. Not saying you are one of them--or that anyone here is. 
What kids choose to do is not our faults--they are their own people who make their own decisions.
Even if my kids went astray, and even if I had to cut off ties with them for whatever reason, I know they would always be part of me and i would have that ache in my heart for them--is that still love at that point? I think so. Would I regret ever having them? I don't know...but even though my kids are not grown and haven 't been into "anything bad happening" I have absolutely been through situations where my heart has been broken and I definitely subscribe to the "tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" and I'd like to think that my love meant something--even if it's not recriprocated and I'd never wish I hadn't loved in the first place. :grouphug:


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## coco (Sep 20, 2006)

QUOTE (camfan @ May 11 2009, 02:51 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=774775


> omg, I responded to this TWICE now and when I post it, it's not there...ok, I copied and am pasting my last answer...to CoCo's mom who replied to me in this thread earlier...
> 
> I responded to this last night and don't know what happened...I'm sorry, hon, for your situation. I was insensitive.
> There ARE a lot of moms who don't care for their kids b/c they don't love themselves for whatever reason. Not saying you are one of them--or that anyone here is.
> ...



Your originial post was... and I deleted the statistics you gave in the original.

QUOTE (camfan @ May 8 2009, 08:20 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773815


> I've got 2 girls ages 7 & 10. I think anyone that has had kids and says they wish they didn't have them (in seriousness) doesn't like themselves very much. Because they are literally part of you. Not to say that all parents have a natural-born instinct to love and care for their kids--obviously a lot don't. It takes a LOT of sacrifice and work. I'm working full time right now for the first time in my kid's lives and, let me tell you, it's the most challenging thing I've ever done in my life. But we have to to make ends meet right now. But I'd rather lose my own life than for anything to ever happen to my kiddos. And on a side note, I was not raised in the best of circumstances so being a mom hasn't always come "naturally" for me, I've had to work extra hard, I think.
> 
> My girls bring SO much joy to my life--they make me laugh like crazy and make all the hard work not even a consideration.
> 
> Best of luck in your decision!![/B]


Then "I" replied...
QUOTE


> I wasn't going to post to this thread, but I have to do so now. Obviously, you haven't had anything really bad happen with your kids at this point in time. That's great to know, but to say what you said is so totally unbelievable to me. When you go through something really bad with your children, maybe you'll have a different viewpoint. To condemn people without walking in their shoes is just totally unfair. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with liking yourself. There is much more to this situation than that. My children are grown and on their own at this point, but I know many parents of grown children who wish differently. Pam, I hope you never have REAL problems with your children. All of our children bring joy to our lives most of the time, especially when they are young, as yours are. This is not to say that I've had horrible problems with my children, but judging people who wish they'd never had them has absolutely NOTHING to do with not liking themselves.[/B]


Now I am saying this to your latest post at the top of all of this, as I am scratching my head trying to figure out how we got to this point...

Let's hope this doesn't get too confusing with all the copying I've done. I appreciate your apology, but you totally twisted what I said. I see nowhere in my post that I have had problems out of the ordinary with my children. I mention they are grown and, I suppose I needed to add, are productive members of society. I even have a grandchild from one of them who is one of my greatest pleasures at this point in time. He's only 5 months old, so the jury is still out on him. LOL! My post was in response to you saying that if one didn't want kids after having had them that you didn't like yourself very much. In my post, I was explaining that it is difficult to know how you'll feel about having children again from the same perspective some of us have. I never mentioned if I would have children again if I were to do it over. I have friends who have had so much heartache with their children that I feel sure they'd never do it again and, in fact, have told me this. This wasn't about me. However, I will say, seeing how things have changed since I was a child and even since I reared my children, I probably would not choose to have them today were I able to do it over. It has nothing to do with my parenting or my love for my children, OR especially the reason you gave. Whew! It has to do with the lack of morals, ethics and discipline with which our society has to deal today. I appreciate your concern for me and my children, but truly, that post wasn't about me.


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## camfan (Oct 30, 2006)

QUOTE (Coco @ May 11 2009, 07:45 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=774864


> QUOTE (camfan @ May 11 2009, 02:51 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=774775





> omg, I responded to this TWICE now and when I post it, it's not there...ok, I copied and am pasting my last answer...to CoCo's mom who replied to me in this thread earlier...
> 
> I responded to this last night and don't know what happened...I'm sorry, hon, for your situation. I was insensitive.
> There ARE a lot of moms who don't care for their kids b/c they don't love themselves for whatever reason. Not saying you are one of them--or that anyone here is.
> ...



Your originial post was... and I deleted the statistics you gave in the original.

QUOTE (camfan @ May 8 2009, 08:20 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=773815


> I've got 2 girls ages 7 & 10. I think anyone that has had kids and says they wish they didn't have them (in seriousness) doesn't like themselves very much. Because they are literally part of you. Not to say that all parents have a natural-born instinct to love and care for their kids--obviously a lot don't. It takes a LOT of sacrifice and work. I'm working full time right now for the first time in my kid's lives and, let me tell you, it's the most challenging thing I've ever done in my life. But we have to to make ends meet right now. But I'd rather lose my own life than for anything to ever happen to my kiddos. And on a side note, I was not raised in the best of circumstances so being a mom hasn't always come "naturally" for me, I've had to work extra hard, I think.
> 
> My girls bring SO much joy to my life--they make me laugh like crazy and make all the hard work not even a consideration.
> 
> Best of luck in your decision!![/B]


Then "I" replied...
QUOTE


> I wasn't going to post to this thread, but I have to do so now. Obviously, you haven't had anything really bad happen with your kids at this point in time. That's great to know, but to say what you said is so totally unbelievable to me. When you go through something really bad with your children, maybe you'll have a different viewpoint. To condemn people without walking in their shoes is just totally unfair. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with liking yourself. There is much more to this situation than that. My children are grown and on their own at this point, but I know many parents of grown children who wish differently. Pam, I hope you never have REAL problems with your children. All of our children bring joy to our lives most of the time, especially when they are young, as yours are. This is not to say that I've had horrible problems with my children, but judging people who wish they'd never had them has absolutely NOTHING to do with not liking themselves.[/B]


Now I am saying this to your latest post at the top of all of this, as I am scratching my head trying to figure out how we got to this point...

Let's hope this doesn't get too confusing with all the copying I've done. I appreciate your apology, but you totally twisted what I said. I see nowhere in my post that I have had problems out of the ordinary with my children. I mention they are grown and, I suppose I needed to add, are productive members of society. I even have a grandchild from one of them who is one of my greatest pleasures at this point in time. He's only 5 months old, so the jury is still out on him. LOL! My post was in response to you saying that if one didn't want kids after having had them that you didn't like yourself very much. In my post, I was explaining that it is difficult to know how you'll feel about having children again from the same perspective some of us have. I never mentioned if I would have children again if I were to do it over. I have friends who have had so much heartache with their children that I feel sure they'd never do it again and, in fact, have told me this. This wasn't about me. However, I will say, seeing how things have changed since I was a child and even since I reared my children, I probably would not choose to have them today were I able to do it over. It has nothing to do with my parenting or my love for my children, OR especially the reason you gave. Whew! It has to do with the lack of morals, ethics and discipline with which our society has to deal today. I appreciate your concern for me and my children, but truly, that post wasn't about me.
[/B][/QUOTE]

I'm really confused, lol. But again, I apologize for any hurt feelings.


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## miko's mommy (Feb 8, 2005)

I have to admit, this thread made me burst out crying (but I am very emotional today). Having children is such a serious decision that really only you can make for yourself. My husband and I have been together for over 12 years but we waited until perfect timing to have children (we are both so career oriented that we wanted to be in perfect place in our lives before we bring a child into this world). Anyways, we are now both 31 and are really having a hard time conceiving and its tearing me apart. Looking back, I really do wish I hadn't waited for so long to do this. I really do love my career (i am a physician) but i am not sure it was worth the infertility we are now facing. Do i really know that this is age related? No, of course not (we are in the unexplained category)....but your fertility really does decrease with age and it is one of those things i could have done something about. Good luck with your decision.


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