# how do you start dating again in your 50's?



## Rocks (Jul 9, 2012)

Seeing how I am moving on with my life I guess I'm going to be back in the dating scene. Its been so long since I've dated that I really don't know where to meet someone. I won't do the bar scene, been there, done that. I've tried online dating sites but never had much luck with them. Where would a guy go to find decent ladies to meet and date?


----------



## mdbflorida (Feb 28, 2013)

I met my husband online. There are several sites that have services. I was 47 and he was 53 at the time. Good luck. It worked for us.


----------



## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

You might try meet-up groups in your area about topics/events that you're interested in. I've met a lot of nice people that way.


----------



## bellaratamaltese (May 24, 2006)

Just curious as to why this is being asked on a dog forum? I know we go off topic a lot but this just seems a little _too_ off topic. And I will admit this post is making me feel slightly uncomfortable and I can't even tell you why that is. 

To answer the question though, I would think online dating services would be the best place to meet a potential love interest. Good luck!


----------



## Maidto2Maltese (Oct 19, 2004)

Since you have such a love for animals... and ladies that feel the same are usually the kind I think you'd be attracted to... I'd suggest you try to fine some activities geared toward the 'aminal kingdom'... maybe get involved with local SPCA to interact with the animals ... volunteer to help with fund raising for various rescues, even wildlife rehabilitators in your area. try to come up with ideas for fundraisers...then propose to the org that you'd try and help with the follow-thru. 

I truly do believe thare many ladies in your age-group that are in the same predicament... they'd like to meet a nice geltleman but don't want bar scenes and even leery of on-line match ups etc. There should be some type of 'social event' that isn't the "bar-scene" but a social gathering where people can have a chance to meet others.


----------



## Rocks (Jul 9, 2012)

bellaratamaltese said:


> Just curious as to why this is being asked on a dog forum? I know we go off topic a lot but this just seems a little _too_ off topic. And I will admit this post is making me feel slightly uncomfortable and I can't even tell you why that is.
> 
> To answer the question though, I would think online dating services would be the best place to meet a potential love interest. Good luck!



I asked it here because the site is mostly women and have always given me good advice in the past. Out of curiosity where should I have asked this question?


----------



## Rocks (Jul 9, 2012)

Maidto2Maltese said:


> Since you have such a love for animals... and ladies that feel the same are usually the kind I think you'd be attracted to... I'd suggest you try to fine some activities geared toward the 'aminal kingdom'... maybe get involved with local SPCA to interact with the animals ... volunteer to help with fund raising for various rescues, even wildlife rehabilitators in your area. try to come up with ideas for fundraisers...then propose to the org that you'd try and help with the follow-thru.
> 
> I truly do believe thare many ladies in your age-group that are in the same predicament... they'd like to meet a nice geltleman but don't want bar scenes and even leery of on-line match ups etc. There should be some type of 'social event' that isn't the "bar-scene" but a social gathering where people can have a chance to meet others.



Excellent advice! Thats why I asked here because I knew someone would have a great answer. I know there are a few animal shelters where I am moving to. Some times you just can't see an answer thats right in front of you until someone points it out.


----------



## Dominic (Nov 4, 2012)

Rocks said:


> I asked it here because the site is mostly women and have always given me good advice in the past. Out of curiosity where should I have asked this question?


Jerry,

With all respect and consideration for a fellow SM member, your posts are going way to far from what this forum is about - DOGS. We all stood up by you yesterday even tho asking for rental advice is something far from the subject we like to talk about here but then it went from you looking for a shelter to you dating half of the woman in your state. With that, I assume you have game enough to know where to start dating, and a dog's forum is not the place. 

My husband reads SM as he is interested on the well being of our dogs and he is very uneasy with your latest posts and comments, there is a lot of lonely woman out there and you sure know how to get to them, don't you? 

I wish you the best luck and to find the appropriate places for love and support. 


Sent from Petguide.com App


----------



## zooeysmom (Aug 1, 2011)

Dominic said:


> Jerry,
> 
> With all respect and consideration for a fellow SM member, your posts are going way to far from what this forum is about - DOGS. We all stood up by you yesterday even tho asking for rental advice is something far from the subject we like to talk about here but then it went from you looking for a shelter to you dating half of the woman in your state. With that, I assume you have game enough to know where to start dating, and a dog's forum is not the place.
> 
> ...


:goodpost:


----------



## LuvMyBoys (Jan 2, 2012)

Rocks said:


> I asked it here because the site is mostly women and have always given me good advice in the past. Out of curiosity where should I have asked this question?


How about Facebook? I have made a lot of friendships on this forum and we do a lot of non dog talking on Facebook. 


Sent from Petguide.com Free App


----------



## littlefluffbabies (Apr 17, 2013)

Both this post and yesterday's post gave me some really strange vibes. Can't really explain that but I do always trust those gut feelings

Sent from Petguide.com Free App


----------



## bellaratamaltese (May 24, 2006)

Rocks said:


> I asked it here because the site is mostly women and have always given me good advice in the past. Out of curiosity where should I have asked this question?


If you have a Facebook account, you could always ask on there because those are more 'real life' friends than members of a dog forum, and I'd think their opinions would be more appropriate for you than SM. And there are always forums like this that are geared entirely for questions such as these. 
Dating Advice


----------



## Maidto2Maltese (Oct 19, 2004)

Hmmm .....I for one , take no issue with this thread. Jerry's been a long time member here and this was posted in the "anything-goes". He going thru personal life changes and I believe he's just trying to approach them in a positive manner rather than the negativity of it. 

Now I will say...If this was a man that just posted this thread as a 'newbie'... I very likely would feel uncomfortable.... but not from an existing member. 

Many many things in "anything-goes' are not doggie related. I think many of us have used it to 'vent'... to ask questions on many subjects totally non-dog related. 

It's not like he was asking anyone here for a 'date'... simply asking ladies he seems to feel a friendship toward for suggestions on how we feel he might be able to meet some nice ladies.

I can't help but wonder if it was one of our 'lady-members' posting this same question in how to meet a nice gentleman would there be the same responses?


----------



## Grace'sMom (Feb 22, 2012)

Maidto2Maltese said:


> Hmmm .....I for one , take no issue with this thread. Jerry's been a long time member here and this was posted in the "anything-goes". He going thru personal life changes and I believe he's just trying to approach them in a positive manner rather than the negativity of it.
> 
> Now I will say...If this was a man that just posted this thread as a 'newbie'... I very likely would feel uncomfortable.... but not from an existing member.
> 
> ...


:goodpost:

I know I've posted about my health issues here multiple times.... and I never got such responses. And can probably go down the first page and most of the posts will have nothing to do with dogs.


Jerry, I know there are online dating sites just for people over 40.... and I have always said church is a great place to meet good people  But I kind of like the volunteering at a shelter idea!


----------



## mdbflorida (Feb 28, 2013)

Maidto2Maltese said:


> Hmmm .....I for one , take no issue with this thread. Jerry's been a long time member here and this was posted in the "anything-goes". He going thru personal life changes and I believe he's just trying to approach them in a positive manner rather than the negativity of it.
> 
> Now I will say...If this was a man that just posted this thread as a 'newbie'... I very likely would feel uncomfortable.... but not from an existing member.
> 
> ...



I have to agree here. We need to be careful that we don't have double standards.


----------



## LuvMyBoys (Jan 2, 2012)

Grace'sMom said:


> :goodpost:
> 
> I know I've posted about my health issues here multiple times.... and I never got such responses. And can probably go down the first page and most of the posts will have nothing to do with dogs.
> 
> ...


I don't think you can compare the two. To me, it feels creepy for a man to post such personal stuff to what is mostly a bunch of women on a dog forum. Just doesn't feel right and I trust those feelings in my gut. 




Sent from Petguide.com Free App


----------



## Rocks (Jul 9, 2012)

Frankly I am amazed by some of the replies I have been getting on here. I know I am not the only one that is going through some personal problem and posting and asking advice and no one else is attacked for it. I've always been very friendly with everyone on here. I've made many posts about my Louie and asking for advice on his health and care. Why I am the only one being singled out for asking for advice when I am going through a tough time in my life? If I was a woman posting about personal issues no one would have said a thing bad about it, they would have all been happy to help. I'm sorry but I thought I had a of of friends on here that I could trust for honest advice. But I can see that I was wrong and I have far less friends here than I thought. I have never attacked anyone about them posting something of a personal nature asking for advice. So all I can say is if you don't have something helpful to say then by all means don't read my posts so the people that are really friends can reply. I've gotten numerous PMs from members saying they have no idea why I am being attacked. So if you don't like me then please just don't read my posts so it doesn't get cluttered up and I can get good advice from my real friends.


----------



## bellaratamaltese (May 24, 2006)

I think we can all appreciate that everybody reacts to stuff differently. For me, personally, I do not use the internet as a venting tool so maybe when I read posts like these, it gives me a different impression.


----------



## LuvMyBoys (Jan 2, 2012)

Rocks said:


> Frankly I am amazed by some of the replies I have been getting on here. I know I am not the only one that is going through some personal problem and posting and asking advice and no one else is attacked for it. I've always been very friendly with everyone on here. I've made many posts about my Louie and asking for advice on his health and care. Why I am the only one being singled out for asking for advice when I am going through a tough time in my life? If I was a woman posting about personal issues no one would have said a thing bad about it, they would have all been happy to help. I'm sorry but I thought I had a of of friends on here that I could trust for honest advice. But I can see that I was wrong and I have far less friends here than I thought. I have never attacked anyone about them posting something of a personal nature asking for advice. So all I can say is if you don't have something helpful to say then by all means don't read my posts so the people that are really friends can reply. I've gotten numerous PMs from members saying they have no idea why I am being attacked. So if you don't like me then please just don't read my posts so it doesn't get cluttered up and I can get good advice from my real friends.


I think people on this forum use the word attacked way to freely. I don't think you have been attacked at all. Like you feel free to post personal question we also feel free to tell you how it makes us feel.



Sent from Petguide.com Free App


----------



## Rocks (Jul 9, 2012)

bellaratamaltese said:


> I think we can all appreciate that everybody reacts to stuff differently. For me, personally, I do not use the internet as a venting tool so maybe when I read posts like these, it gives me a different impression.


To me this is the best venting tool I have. I can't dump my problems on my family they all have enough problems of their own and don't need to worry about me. I only ask these things here because generally women give much better advice when a man would just make fun of you. You may not use the internet as a venting tool but if you look on this forum there are many, many people that do post their vents here, I can see many of them on the first few pages of this section and not one of those people got attacked but because I am a man I am not supposed to have feelings or want advice? Thats just plain silly .


----------



## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

Makes sense, most of us are ladies and he's probably fielding questions to get ideas. I think FB would be a good place to start since he can find local people and "friend" animal lovers. Get involved with a local shelter and animal causes, it's a great way to meet people and put yourself out there..
Most animal lovers are like minded...


----------



## Rocks (Jul 9, 2012)

LuvMyBoys said:


> I think people on this forum use the word attacked way to freely. I don't think you have been attacked at all. Like you feel free to post personal question we also feel free to tell you how it makes us feel.
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from Petguide.com Free App



and if I posted replies like I am getting to other members that are having problems how long do you think the mods would let me be a member here? The PM's I am getting from friends are saying they don't know why I am being attacked. So I guess it is ok to kick a guy when he is down and you seem to think this is proper behavior?


----------



## Dominic (Nov 4, 2012)

Jerry, you are not being attacked and I fail to see you as a man that doesn't know where to go to find advice or to go find a date. You seem very confortable talking with strangers and feeling out people, with that try online dating. 

The matter here is, on a serious note, SPOILED MALTESE is a forum about DOGS. If personal matters make some of the members unconfortable those shall be address and one shouldn't feel attacked by it. It is not a "anything personal goes" in section. 

We are all grown ups here and no one is saying all you post are off topic but some of your recent posts are only focused on finding a woman and this is going too far. As other people have said, some posts are off topic and personal, the difference is when it goes from sharing a bad episode to seeking for dating advice, THIS IS NOT THE PLACE. 

I regret going against Sylvia and telling her to be nice, I think now her gut feelings were right.


Sent from Petguide.com App


----------



## LuvMyBoys (Jan 2, 2012)

Rocks said:


> and if I posted replies like I am getting to other members that are having problems how long do you think the mods would let me be a member here? The PM's I am getting from friends are saying they don't know why I am being attacked. So I guess it is ok to kick a guy when he is down and you seem to think this is proper behavior?


What behavior? You are not being attacked. How about I turn it around and say that your posts make me uncomfortable because of things that have happened in my life and have noting to do with this forum? I don't know you you don't know me. Your posts give me an uneasy feeling. Been there done that not ignoring it again. 




Sent from Petguide.com Free App


----------



## Rocks (Jul 9, 2012)

If personal matter make some people feel uncomfortable then why are there so many posts in the anything goes section about person problems? Everyone of them gets sympathy and advice but for some reason if I post something personal people are uncomfortable. That is double standards and it is wrong. I got the advice I wanted very quickly when someone suggested donating time at a shelter. That was very helpful and I appreciate it greatly so why couldn't it have been left at that when I thanked that member for the good advice?


----------



## Maidto2Maltese (Oct 19, 2004)

Gosh..I must be getting old! I'm just not gettin why there is such an upset. Maybe becusee I grew up with several brothers and male relatives... and have had loads of male 'just-friends' over the years that I I found the question a valid and innocent one! ... not 'sinister' as seems to be treated.

Maybe being much older than most here... that I've know many of both sexes found at mid-life to have their lives turned upside down. Trust me it is not an easy thing to face ...especially in 45-60 age group. You don't relate to the younger age group so that social life/activities is out.... you're not yet a 'senior-citizen yet either.... so not a lot appealing socially in that age group either. It can be very very hard to find a nice social life...it can be very very lonely!!! ...and yes just as lonely for men as it is for ladies.I've seen some come very very close to 'the-edge'!! I've tried as best I could to help them thru... to me it's simply the 'right' thing to do. 

I think we all should count our blessings to have a stable and secure life.... not everyone has that. It saddens me to see the lack of compassion.


----------



## shellbeme (Mar 1, 2011)

So I see we have a mission statement now, very well done by the way. I've been gone for a while, imagine my surprise to come back and find we have started a mean girls club here on SM. 

I sort of thought the 'anything goes' forums, was just that. I see posts about people calling the police, people being depressed, I posted about a rather crappy run at work, I see politics and current events, posts about lyme (Which I totally support everything you do Tori) I see people pouring their hearts out because of their woes, some of them maybe even eye roll worthy (perhaps even my own posts)-however I see nothing but support from everyone here-except when it's a man posting his troubles.....

I think this forum is good, an 'everything goes' forum. I like that people can post about their sister's brother's wife's daughters whatever having to call the police because of blah blah blah-or that they can post their boo-hoo stories about how sorrowful their lives have been at one point or another. I see nothing wrong with these types of posts. 

What I have read in Jerry's posts is that he's terribly depressed-and not sure where to start picking up the pieces because his world has aboslutely crumbled around him. Any of you ever been there? Ever feel like you have no one to talk to except your forum of friends who loves dogs as much as you do? It sucks. How about being kicked while you're down?

Ladies, being catious, sure, but Jerry is a longtime member of the forum-and I didn't see him asking for any phone numbers.

Jerry, how about joining a bike club? You like motorcycles? My sister and her x belonged to one, they did a lot together and met a lot of great people.


----------



## eiksaa (Jun 8, 2012)

Jerry, these posts do make me uncomfortable. I think for me it's because of how you talk about women. Like, your exes would all take you back (so half the state's women are just waiting for you to give them a second chance), or getting into bar fights because a guy's girlfriend looked at you (never a guy's fault, right?), etc.

Now this might be because of my background. I come from a place where every single thing a girl does in her daily life is a constant battle against these rotten ideas from 1920s. However, I am starting to believe more and more it's more commonplace in even first world countries than I originally thought.

I find your posts derogatory towards women. Now, it doesn't mean that's how you meant them, but that's how I perceive them. 

As a woman, I cannot just laugh and let go some of your statements. Honestly, I am glad to see it's not just me.


----------



## Rocks (Jul 9, 2012)

Thanks for the support from those caring enough to be helpful. I was seriously considering closing my account here until I read the last couple posts. I'm sorry the problems I am going through bother some of you, how do you think those problems bother me? and then to get some of the replies I received from people I thought were caring and compassionate not just about their animals but even the members and friends they have met here sharing their knowledge about or furry friends. I've had many great conversations with almost every one of you over the time I have been a member here. We've laughed about things, we've discussed health issues not just with our pets but with ourselves and family. We've talked about divorce, misbehaving kids, bad neighbors and a host of other things. I know because I was part of many of those discussions started by many members. So I don't understand why all of a sudden my problems are an issue. Yes, the other day I posted that I had to move and my relationship was over. I was upset but very quickly with some help from people here so I could think straight I solved my living issue quickly with the best possible place for me to be, with my kids. Now I ask a simple question which I'm sure many people on here are also thrown back into the possibility of dating at our age and have had experience starting a new relationship later in life, what I thought was a very good question as I'm sure I'm not the only one wishing they would fall in love with the right person and many of you have even mentioned that you met your mate later in life so why would this not be the place to ask when so many of you have started new relationships later in life and know what worked for you. Sorry, but the question makes perfect sense to me to ask here because I know for a fact many of you didn't meet your mate until the last few years.


----------



## MalteseJane (Nov 21, 2004)

Maidto2Maltese said:


> Hmmm .....I for one , take no issue with this thread. Jerry's been a long time member here and this was posted in the "anything-goes". He going thru personal life changes and I believe he's just trying to approach them in a positive manner rather than the negativity of it.
> 
> Now I will say...If this was a man that just posted this thread as a 'newbie'... I very likely would feel uncomfortable.... but not from an existing member.
> 
> ...


I was going to ask this question but you beat me to it !:HistericalSmiley:


----------



## MalteseJane (Nov 21, 2004)

Maidto2Maltese said:


> Gosh..I must be getting old! I'm just not gettin why there is such an upset. Maybe becusee I grew up with several brothers and male relatives... and have had loads of male 'just-friends' over the years that I I found the question a valid and innocent one! ... not 'sinister' as seems to be treated.
> 
> Maybe being much older than most here... that I've know many of both sexes found at mid-life to have their lives turned upside down. Trust me it is not an easy thing to face ...especially in 45-60 age group. You don't relate to the younger age group so that social life/activities is out.... you're not yet a 'senior-citizen yet either.... so not a lot appealing socially in that age group either. It can be very very hard to find a nice social life...it can be very very lonely!!! ...and yes just as lonely for men as it is for ladies.I've seen some come very very close to 'the-edge'!! I've tried as best I could to help them thru... to me it's simply the 'right' thing to do.
> 
> I think we all should count our blessings to have a stable and secure life.... not everyone has that. It saddens me to see the lack of compassion.


I am with you Terry. I don't understand why they are upset. It's not like he is asking them out on a date. A lot of woman here have posted stuff in the section "Anything goes" and frankly sometimes I shake my head because I would be embarrassed to talk about some of the personal things that have been posted.


----------



## Maglily (Feb 3, 2009)

My first thought was to take part in activities/hobbies that you like with no expectations of meeting someone, just enjoy yourself doing what you enjoy. And see where that goes.


----------



## maltese manica (Nov 6, 2012)

If I were you I personally wouldn't bother looking for an other relationship to jump in to right away! I say focus on you Louie and your cat for now. Build up your strength and confidence first! When you go looking for a relationship you will jump from the frying pan into the fire! Trust me the more you get better and are not looking you will find a real relationship that is meant to be! Besides 50 is very young still it's not like your 100 years old


----------



## MalteseJane (Nov 21, 2004)

shellbeme said:


> *So I see we have a mission statement now, very well done by the way. I've been gone for a while, imagine my surprise to come back and find we have started a mean girls club here on SM. *
> 
> I sort of thought the 'anything goes' forums, was just that. I see posts about people calling the police, people being depressed, I posted about a rather crappy run at work, I see politics and current events, posts about lyme (Which I totally support everything you do Tori) I see people pouring their hearts out because of their woes, some of them maybe even eye roll worthy (perhaps even my own posts)-however I see nothing but support from everyone here-except when it's a man posting his troubles.....
> 
> ...


Maybe we should get rid of the "Anything goes" thread. Put up another "Mission Statement" : "this forum is to talk about dogs, nothing else".

What offends ME is that some of you have the guts to say you are not attacking him. Sorry ladies, but if this is not attacking I don't know what is.

And he is right, if you feel uncomfortable you don't need to read this thread, move on to another one, don't answer him. Nobody is forcing you to answer. And nobody is forcing you to read.


----------



## MalteseJane (Nov 21, 2004)

maltese manica said:


> If I were you I personally wouldn't bother looking for an other relationship to jump in to right away! I say focus on you Louie and your cat for now. Build up your strength and confidence first! *When you go looking for a relationship you will jump from the frying pan into the fire! *Trust me the more you get better and are not looking you will find a real relationship that is meant to be! Besides 50 is very young still it's not like your 100 years old


:HistericalSmiley::HistericalSmiley: But Jerry, she is right. Settle down first and then everything will fall in place.

Janene when you are 50 you are old enough to register with AARP. :HistericalSmiley:


----------



## Rocks (Jul 9, 2012)

eiksaa said:


> Jerry, these posts do make me uncomfortable. I think for me it's because of how you talk about women. Like, your exes would all take you back (so half the state's women are just waiting for you to give them a second chance), or getting into bar fights because a guy's girlfriend looked at you (never a guy's fault, right?), etc.
> 
> Now this might be because of my background. I come from a place where every single thing a girl does in her daily life is a constant battle against these rotten ideas from 1920s. However, I am starting to believe more and more it's more commonplace in even first world countries than I originally thought.
> 
> ...



The reference to the many ladies I've dated of course was an exaggeration, a joke, I certainly haven't dated half the ladies in the state. But my mention that most would date me again just was the fact that I've almost always been able to end things with a friendship and not hate each other. I didn't mean to make you think I've felt anything derogatory about women, my best friends are women. Even my ex wife and her new husband are friends of mine thats how it was easy to find a place to stay since they own the house my son and grand kids live in. I respect women very much. Sure, I know there has always been a double standard when it come to men and women and how many people we have dated but thats not my fault I didn't create that standard. I readily admit when I was younger I dated a lot of people but that was the 70's and it was rather common for musicians to meet many different women. If I was female they would have called me a name that I won't say here but since I was a guy no one thought anything of it, once again that double standard started long before I was born. I have always preferred to end a relationship on as good of terms as possible. And yes, I got in fights when I was younger. Like I said I played in some pretty rough places in a heavy metal band and fights were rather common in some of the biker bars. Am I rpoud of the fact that I got in fights? no, Like I said I always preffered to diffuse the situation. Did I cause the women to look at me in a way that made their guys mad? Probably but that part of being an entertainer. Do you think Elvis or any of the other poplar musicians weren't playing it up for the ladies? Ever see a Beatles concert? The women went nuts, its part of entertaining you want everyone to look at you because it is your job to get them to like you, to look at you.


----------



## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

Oh Jerry, you need to take some time out. This is not yet the time for you to be looking for another relationship. Take the time to get your life in order, provider for your pets, settle into a home. No rational woman wants to get involved with a man who doesn't have a home or a job. All you will attract is crazy desperate people. Spend your time to reconstruct your life, then you may find a woman who is intellectually compatible. I can see from your writing that you are intelligent. Get your life in order before you put out feelers for a mate. I wish you the best, but please use good sense, so that you don't end up in another situation with a person who doesn't really love you.


----------



## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

I am really surprised by how many are reacting, I have been a member since 2005, I have seen it all:blink: I have made many threads on the Anything goes thread, I would hate for that to be taken away, how else can we share, yes we can talk about our dogs but I for one like to get to know the dogs owners also, I have met many wonderful friends on here because we have felt like we could come and get advise from time to time.
he ask women our advise, maybe us older ones are more understanding and trusting then younger ones, I REALIZE times have changed. I do understand why some on here feel uncomfortable about some of Jerry's posts, but why attack him???
Jerry I would focus on yourself for a time, get to know who you are, I honestly believe we are better people when we really can take time alone and look deep within ourselves, we all carry hurts from things in our past, when they are healed we become stronger and can see things more clearly. I wish you the best.
I really wish a moderator would close this post it's not going anywhere


----------



## Madison's Mom (Dec 26, 2007)

Well, now, I find this very strange. I've been away and decided to read a little SM tonight. I'm pretty disappointed and surprised at some of the comments made just because of a simple question asked in a forum called 'Anything Goes'. Does anything really 'go' or should t be renamed 'Anything Goes Unless It Makes Someone Uncomfortable?' 

So, Jerry....I met my FF (Forever Fiancé ) online 13 years ago. I have two friends who are very religious (hope it's OK to say that) who have both been divorced 20+ years. They both recently married guys they met on a Christian dating site (again, I hope that doesn't make anyone uncomfortable). I like online dating because you can learn so much about the person before actually meeting. My FF and I emailed for 6 weeks before we ever talked on the phone. It was another month before we met in person. Worked for us!

Best wishes.


----------



## Bamalama (Jul 5, 2013)

Sylie said:


> Oh Jerry, you need to take some time out. This is not yet the time for you to be looking for another relationship. Take the time to get your life in order, provider for your pets, settle into a home. No rational woman wants to get involved with a man who doesn't have a home or a job. All you will attract is crazy desperate people. Spend your time to reconstruct your life, then you may find a woman who is intellectually compatible. I can see from your writing that you are intelligent. Get your life in order before you put out feelers for a mate. I wish you the best, but please use good sense, so that you don't end up in another situation with a person who doesn't really love you.


AMEN! It was when I stopped looking for a relationship, focused on my own life, and had achieved independent life success that I met my husband two years ago. I was not dating for about 5 years as I worked on ME. When we met, I was 53, he was 56. We now have a wonderful life together, married since June 1.


----------



## Zoe's Mom88 (Apr 25, 2011)

Jerry, you got some good advice. I don't think you meant you were going to start dating immediately but taking time to get yourself together is key and then everything will fall into place. Sometimes things happen in life when you least expect it.


----------



## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

Sylie said:


> Oh Jerry, you need to take some time out. This is not yet the time for you to be looking for another relationship. Take the time to get your life in order, provider for your pets, settle into a home. No rational woman wants to get involved with a man who doesn't have a home or a job. All you will attract is crazy desperate people. Spend your time to reconstruct your life, then you may find a woman who is intellectually compatible. I can see from your writing that you are intelligent. Get your life in order before you put out feelers for a mate. I wish you the best, but please use good sense, so that you don't end up in another situation with a person who doesn't really love you.


Jerry, I agree with Sylvia. She has expressed everything that I had intended to write earlier ... but, she beat me to it.

You are still considered young ... yes, even in your 50's. What is important right now is that you take care of your health and strive to be in a better position financially. 

I can understand the women here who have expressed feeling uncomfortable with this thread. One has to be careful online ... especially women. Several years ago, I was on another forum ... I won't go into the details. But, it was a forum of all women ... except one man. He had a way with words and most of the women found him really charming. I did, too. He ended up not being who he claimed to be. He was a therapist (yep) who ended up losing his license. At first some of the women couldn't except that ... because he would email them privately ... badmouthing the women who started to catch on that something wasn't right. He actually broke up some friendships. I guess I am blessed ... because some of us didn't fall for his lies ... and, almost fifteen years later, we women are still close friends.

I think, all the women here, who expressed feeling uncomfortable with this thread, have every right to express their feelings, too. I have a beautiful granddaughter who is going on twenty-one ... and, I am grateful that she has listened to me to be careful when she's online. 

Sometimes, although it can be difficult ... it is best to take some time and try and listen and think about what both sides have to say. Easier said than done ... I know.

Now, I have got a question. I never thought about it until you shared that you have a motorcycle. You shared that you have a disability that can be very painful and debilitating. Are their handicapped tags for motorcycles??


----------



## Rocks (Jul 9, 2012)

I wasn't planning on finding a date today or even tomorrow. I know I have things to do first like move into my new home and work out issues between my son and daughter. It will be some time before I am ready to date again as it will take time to heal from losing this relationship. I was just sitting here thinking about all the changes in my life and one of the thoughts I had was "crap, I'm 52 and single again and I haven't tried dating anyone in over 14 years." And it got me thinking about how I would even think of good places to find someone when the time was right. So I simply asked knowing full well that thee are many people here around my age that have been in the same situation and I was curious where people met at our age. Maybe it seemed rushed since I just posted about hving to move a few days ago but that is just how my mind works, I'm already planning ahead past moving, past getting settled in and thinking about the future. After all I'm 52 and I don't want to die alone, I would like to some day find the person I'll spend the rest of my life with.


----------



## Fluffdoll (Aug 9, 2012)

Rocks said:


> I wasn't planning on finding a date today or even tomorrow. I know I have things to do first like move into my new home and work out issues between my son and daughter. It will be some time before I am ready to date again as it will take time to heal from losing this relationship. I was just sitting here thinking about all the changes in my life and one of the thoughts I had was "crap, I'm 52 and single again and I haven't tried dating anyone in over 14 years." And it got me thinking about how I would even think of good places to find someone when the time was right. So I simply asked knowing full well that thee are many people here around my age that have been in the same situation and I was curious where people met at our age. Maybe it seemed rushed since I just posted about hving to move a few days ago but that is just how my mind works, I'm already planning ahead past moving, past getting settled in and thinking about the future. *After all I'm 52 and I don't want to die alone, I would like to some day find the person I'll spend the rest of my life with.*


Hey don't worry! My dad married my mom when he was also 52 after his first wife passed away. They met by chance on an airplane once, and then ran into each other again on an another airplane two years later. They were certainly not "looking" when they met. Now today they have been happily married for 23 years... Just have faith in God and be patient. It'll come naturally when you least expect it. :thumbsup:


----------



## SuziLee (Aug 17, 2011)

Jerry, 

When you are ready you might want to give Internet dating another chance. I think it has probably come a long way since you tried it. My brother, who is just about your age, met someone and they have been married just over a year now. Also, after years of being single, my best friend finally met her perfect guy online.


Although very different than yours, I'm going through some big life changes myself and you are meeting your new challenges a lot better than I am. Good luck!


----------



## CrystalAndZoe (Jul 11, 2006)

Fluffdoll said:


> Hey don't worry! My dad married my mom when he was also 52 after his first wife passed away. They met by chance on an airplane once, and then ran into each other again on an another airplane two years later. They were certainly not "looking" when they met. Now today they have been happily married for 23 years... Just have faith in God and be patient. It'll come naturally when you least expect it. :thumbsup:


That is such a fantastic story!! Truly romantic.


Jerry, I'm very sorry for all that you are going through. Personally, I have no idea why you would even be thinking about dating or meeting someone again. Even if you are thinking of more in the future. There are so many fantastic things about being single. I'm with the others that say to just figure out how to be happy, content and fulfilled as a single person. You may decide that being in a relationship isn't really what you want after all.


----------



## Rocks (Jul 9, 2012)

I guess what worried me about it is the places and ways I used to meet women to date are no longer the ways I want to do it. I learned from my mistakes. I met many women in bars and clubs and most of them were problems. They either drank too much or had some other serious mental problems that they could hide for a while and then out of no where they were acting like a nut case. I made a lot of mistakes in my youth and I don't want to repeat them. I also don't want to meet a woman that is attracted to me because of me being a musician or a motorcycle rider and there are lots of women out there that will date a guy just because he has a bike or plays in a band. I want to find someone that loves me for who I am. I can't go to the park and sit on a bench by my motorcycle without some woman approaching me flirting and asking me to take her for a ride. Its the same thing with me playing in a band, I get hit on all the time and I don't want to date someone I met in a bar. 

Now if I met someone that worked in a store that I frequent that to me would be acceptable but I really wouldn't know much about them until we had dated for a while and lets face it people always put their best impressions on the first few dates and only after time does the real personality come out. I understand and accept that most people my age have some baggage, I know I do.


----------



## Rocks (Jul 9, 2012)

Crystal&Zoe said:


> That is such a fantastic story!! Truly romantic.
> 
> 
> Jerry, I'm very sorry for all that you are going through. Personally, I have no idea why you would even be thinking about dating or meeting someone again. Even if you are thinking of more in the future. There are so many fantastic things about being single. I'm with the others that say to just figure out how to be happy, content and fulfilled as a single person. You may decide that being in a relationship isn't really what you want after all.



I guess for me I really want the companionship, someone to talk with, laugh and have fun together. I'm already expecting it won't be any time soon that I find someone. Its just that with so much change happening so fast my head is spinning and there are just so many unanswered questions. I mean within a few days time I found myself out of my home, out of my relationship and out of the security I've had being with the same person for almost 14 years. I've got a few days to pack and move everything I own and start life over and it is overwhelming so I turned to my friends here with a cry for advice and people that I knew would be compassionate and understanding to help me think things through. My soon to be ex girlfriend has been crying every day over this, we still love each other and care about each other but we both know that the relationship has run its course. We were just to comfortable with each other to move on without each other and now its being forced on us and we are both wondering if maybe this would have worked with a little bit of change on both our parts.


----------



## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

shellbeme said:


> So I see we have a mission statement now, very well done by the way. I've been gone for a while, imagine my surprise to come back and find we have started a mean girls club here on SM.
> 
> I sort of thought the 'anything goes' forums, was just that. I see posts about people calling the police, people being depressed, I posted about a rather crappy run at work, I see politics and current events, posts about lyme (Which I totally support everything you do Tori) I see people pouring their hearts out because of their woes, some of them maybe even eye roll worthy (perhaps even my own posts)-however I see nothing but support from everyone here-except when it's a man posting his troubles.....
> 
> ...


Really??? I don't think anyone on this thread has started a "mean girls club" ... I think everyone has a right to express their thoughts in a respectful way. Even one of our moderators expressed on this thread, her honest feelings, for heaven's sake. And, she is not a meanie. 

Personally, I think when we can't agree to disagree every once in a while ... and, act like grown-ups, and, instead choose to sound like elementary school children might behave ... then, I think that's kind of sad. Or, sometimes ... even funny ... because it begins to sound like a living soap opera!

I often think of Joe (the past owner of SM) ... he would be rolling his eyeballs around and around! Nah ... not Joe. He would just say to cut out the drama! 

I have never understood, that for those who claim to not like the *Anything Goes* forum ... then, why in the heck do you waste your time reading the threads on that forum? I get the feeling that some members just can't help lurking the *Anything Goes* forum! Come on ... fess up! :HistericalSmiley:

Okay, usually, I don't respond to comments like the above ... but, I just couldn't resist. Time for me to get outside and enjoy the beautiful sunshine day!

I wish all of you a wonderful day. Including you, Jerry.:tender:


----------



## Daisy's Mommie (Sep 24, 2012)

Jerry, I'll give you the same advice I gave my 25 year old son when his girlfriend, that he was about to propose to, left him. Don't ever close off your heart. Don't rob yourself of the blessings God has in store for you. Be friendly to everyone and don't look at each woman as a potential mate. Make friends everywhere you go--the grocery store, the gym, CHURCH, anywhere you go. ALways keep an open mind, make yourself heathy--physically and emotionally--and look at each new day as a new start. Concentrate on YOU (and Louie) and in HIS time, God will show you the person HE has in store for you to spend the rest of your life with. It may be today, tomorrow, next month or next year, but if you do the things I mentioned, when the time is right, she will enter your life. When she does, you will be strong and ready to go into this new relationship better prepared than you have ever been. My son met his future bride 2 months after we had this conversation. Good luck to you, Jerry, and may God shower HIS blessings down upon you!! You just need to be ready to catch them all!!!


----------



## Furbabies mom (Jul 25, 2011)

Daisy's Mommie said:


> Jerry, I'll give you the same advice I gave my 25 year old son when his girlfriend, that he was about to propose to, left him. Don't ever close off your heart. Don't rob yourself of the blessings God has in store for you. Be friendly to everyone and don't look at each woman as a potential mate. Make friends everywhere you go--the grocery store, the gym, CHURCH, anywhere you go. ALways keep an open mind, make yourself heathy--physically and emotionally--and look at each new day as a new start. Concentrate on YOU (and Louie) and in HIS time, God will show you the person HE has in store for you to spend the rest of your life with. It may be today, tomorrow, next month or next year, but if you do the things I mentioned, when the time is right, she will enter your life. When she does, you will be strong and ready to go into this new relationship better prepared than you have ever been. My son met his future bride 2 months after we had this conversation. Good luck to you, Jerry, and may God shower HIS blessings down upon you!! You just need to be ready to catch them
> 
> So beautifully said! I'm passing on this advice to my daughter.


----------



## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

I, personally, like the Anything Goes forum! It enables me to have a better glimpse into the lives of my SM sisters & few brothers! I won't pass judgement on what should & shouldn't go into this forum---I think we are all different & some share personal stuff much more easily than others. It is what it is!
I do think had I shared this question (because there are so many ladies here & few men) that it would have been received more positively. 
My answer to your ? Jerry of how to start life over in your 50s is about the same as the others: wait until you are 70. . . and remember "happiness is a journey, not a destination!"


----------



## Rocks (Jul 9, 2012)

Actually after having some time to think about it I don't blame anyone for their replies. I mean one day I am posting that I am about t be homeless than a few days later I'm asking people where to meet someone new. What they didn't understand is that my head is spinning in so many directions right now I can't even think straight or focus on one thing at a time. I am on medication that generally helps me with that but this has just been overwhelming. I was sitting here the other day talking to Judy, my soon to be ex and she was crying saying she hoped that I could find someone that would love me the way I deserve to be loved and after she left the room I started having a panic attack (yes, guys get them too) All of a sudden I started freaking out about being 52 and single again and how in the world I might possibly ever fall in love again and it got me thinking that I always got great advice here so I decided to ask. To some people that probably looked very premature but I'm sorry I can't help it. I've just always found that when something is too big for me to deal with in my own mind that if I just reach out to friendly people and ask it helps me think clearly. Quite frankly by me posting the question knowing I would get good advice it helped calm me down until some people took offense to my post. Myself I would never criticize someone for freaking out about having their world turned upside down. A lot of times I try and joke things off just to diffuse the situation in my mind and some people didn't understand that because they don't really know me. I have nothing but love for everyone here, I have no hard feeling for anything anyone said because they honestly don't know me and everything I am going through nor do they know how I try and cope with things. So to everyone I do apologize if anyone took my posts the wrong way. It really was just me coping with things poorly. But I do have to ask, how well would any of you take it if a relationship you had been in for 14 years suddenly came to an end and you had to find a place and move within a week? Wouldn't your head be spinning too thinking of all the changes that are coming and how you are going to deal with them?


----------



## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

Rocks said:


> Actually after having some time to think about it I don't blame anyone for their replies. I mean one day I am posting that I am about t be homeless than a few days later I'm asking people where to meet someone new. What they didn't understand is that my head is spinning in so many directions right now I can't even think straight or focus on one thing at a time. I am on medication that generally helps me with that but this has just been overwhelming. I was sitting here the other day talking to Judy, my soon to be ex and she was crying saying she hoped that I could find someone that would love me the way I deserve to be loved and after she left the room I started having a panic attack (yes, guys get them too) All of a sudden I started freaking out about being 52 and single again and how in the world I might possibly ever fall in love again and it got me thinking that I always got great advice here so I decided to ask. To some people that probably looked very premature but I'm sorry I can't help it. I've just always found that when something is too big for me to deal with in my own mind that if I just reach out to friendly people and ask it helps me think clearly. Quite frankly by me posting the question knowing I would get good advice it helped calm me down until some people took offense to my post. Myself I would never criticize someone for freaking out about having their world turned upside down. A lot of times I try and joke things off just to diffuse the situation in my mind and some people didn't understand that because they don't really know me. I have nothing but love for everyone here, I have no hard feeling for anything anyone said because they honestly don't know me and everything I am going through nor do they know how I try and cope with things. So to everyone I do apologize if anyone took my posts the wrong way. It really was just me coping with things poorly. But I do have to ask, how well would any of you take it if a relationship you had been in for 14 years suddenly came to an end and you had to find a place and move within a week? Wouldn't your head be spinning too thinking of all the changes that are coming and how you are going to deal with them?


Jerry, if it were me, I would seek the help of a therapist. I am not being sarcastic. A therapist can be objective. A therapist can help you learn how to deal with the relationships with your family and your girlfriend. And, most importantly, how to work on making changes in yourself ... emotionally and psychically. It is a good thing, and can end up to be a very rewarding experience.

And, no ... I don't want to hear you cannot afford a therapist. There are great therapists who will work with you on a sliding scale as far as payments. It is the best gift you can give to yourself.


----------



## Rocks (Jul 9, 2012)

I was seeing a therapist but she was useless. She did all the talking and never once asked me what was bothering me. When I tried to tell her she would interrupt me and start telling me another story. I have asked to be switched to a different therapist and they are in the process of doing that. I couldn't understand how she could help me if she didn't even know what was bothering me. She was very quick to recommend that the doctor there write me prescriptions and still had no idea what was wrong. How in the world can you just say take a pill and not even know what you are trying to treat?


----------



## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

Furbabies mom said:


> Daisy's Mommie said:
> 
> 
> > Jerry, I'll give you the same advice I gave my 25 year old son when his girlfriend, that he was about to propose to, left him. Don't ever close off your heart. Don't rob yourself of the blessings God has in store for you. Be friendly to everyone and don't look at each woman as a potential mate. Make friends everywhere you go--the grocery store, the gym, CHURCH, anywhere you go. ALways keep an open mind, make yourself heathy--physically and emotionally--and look at each new day as a new start. Concentrate on YOU (and Louie) and in HIS time, God will show you the person HE has in store for you to spend the rest of your life with. It may be today, tomorrow, next month or next year, but if you do the things I mentioned, when the time is right, she will enter your life. When she does, you will be strong and ready to go into this new relationship better prepared than you have ever been. My son met his future bride 2 months after we had this conversation. Good luck to you, Jerry, and may God shower HIS blessings down upon you!! You just need to be ready to catch them
> ...


----------



## pammy4501 (Aug 8, 2007)

Rocks said:


> Actually after having some time to think about it I don't blame anyone for their replies. I mean one day I am posting that I am about t be homeless than a few days later I'm asking people where to meet someone new. What they didn't understand is that my head is spinning in so many directions right now I can't even think straight or focus on one thing at a time. I am on medication that generally helps me with that but this has just been overwhelming. I was sitting here the other day talking to Judy, my soon to be ex and she was crying saying she hoped that I could find someone that would love me the way I deserve to be loved and after she left the room I started having a panic attack (yes, guys get them too) All of a sudden I started freaking out about being 52 and single again and how in the world I might possibly ever fall in love again and it got me thinking that I always got great advice here so I decided to ask. To some people that probably looked very premature but I'm sorry I can't help it. I've just always found that when something is too big for me to deal with in my own mind that if I just reach out to friendly people and ask it helps me think clearly. Quite frankly by me posting the question knowing I would get good advice it helped calm me down until some people took offense to my post. Myself I would never criticize someone for freaking out about having their world turned upside down. A lot of times I try and joke things off just to diffuse the situation in my mind and some people didn't understand that because they don't really know me. I have nothing but love for everyone here, I have no hard feeling for anything anyone said because they honestly don't know me and everything I am going through nor do they know how I try and cope with things. So to everyone I do apologize if anyone took my posts the wrong way. It really was just me coping with things poorly. But I do have to ask, how well would any of you take it if a relationship you had been in for 14 years suddenly came to an end and you had to find a place and move within a week? Wouldn't your head be spinning too thinking of all the changes that are coming and how you are going to deal with them?


That's some pretty good insight there Jerry. I guess we all react differently to the stresses in our life. I pretty much keep my problems to myself. I don't like "airing my laundry" so to speak. I'm not saying that's the best way, it's just my way. But you will have to admit, when you put it all out there, you are going to be open to *EVERYONES *opinion. Some good, some supportive and some critical. You have to have a thick skin if you are going to put it all out there.

*And to the forum in general.* This is not a mean girls club, it is an open forum. This means an open exchange of ideas and information. It does not mean if you disagree, you need not speak. It is NOT attacking to disagree with something. Nothing here was stated in an attacking manner. It also isn't MEAN to disagree with or question something that isn't correct. As long as it is done in a respectful manner, with no name calling etc. There is a lot of labeling of certain people at "attacking" or "mean" because they may have a differing opinion than the rest of the group. This is a wonderful group of very diverse individuals, from very different backgrounds. We need to stop the name calling and finger pointing when there is a dissenting opinion.


----------



## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

pammy4501 said:


> That's some pretty good insight there Jerry. I guess we all react differently to the stresses in our life. I pretty much keep my problems to myself. I don't like "airing my laundry" so to speak. I'm not saying that's the best way, it's just my way. But you will have to admit, when you put it all out there, you are going to be open to *EVERYONES *opinion. Some good, some supportive and some critical. You have to have a thick skin if you are going to put it all out there.
> 
> *And to the forum in general.* This is not a mean girls club, it is an open forum. This means an open exchange of ideas and information. It does not mean if you disagree, you need not speak. It is NOT attacking to disagree with something. Nothing here was stated in an attacking manner. It also isn't MEAN to disagree with or question something that isn't correct. As long as it is done in a respectful manner, with no name calling etc. There is a lot of labeling of certain people at "attacking" or "mean" because they may have a differing opinion than the rest of the group. This is a wonderful group of very diverse individuals, from very different backgrounds. We need to stop the name calling and finger pointing when there is a dissenting opinion.


Amen! Opps ... I mean ... Good post! Great post, Pam!


----------



## Rocks (Jul 9, 2012)

I think it was the comments about my post making people feel creepy that started the whole mess. The shame of it is I had already gotten a good answer about volunteering at a pet shelter and was quite happy with that answer but after that came the comments that I made people feel creepy. I don't bottle things up inside because it just knots up my stomach. I open up to people that I consider friends and ask advice. Some times just saying whats bothering me is enough to help me let it go.


----------



## LuvMyBoys (Jan 2, 2012)

I hesitate to post in here again, I don’t want to give this anymore legs. How exhausting. I believe that some people are contrary just to be contrary.

We are going to have to agree to disagree here. To all of you that find this harmless, you aren’t wrong! But on the other hand I am also not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. We have different back grounds and life experiences. I happen to have a traumatic life experience that makes me very wary of this. I am very happy for those of you who have never had a similar experience to draw on. 

The word attack is used way too freely on this forum. Just because I don’t agree with you or have a different point of view, and I voice it, doesn’t mean that I am attacking you. No one said stop, no one said go away, no one said you are a bad person, no one said you can’t post that here. I believe the words used were strange vibes, uncomfortable, creepy, doesn’t feel right. No one EVER said offend(ed), take issue with, upset – those words were all used by people ATTACKING (yeah, I said it) those of us voicing our evidently unpopular feelings. So now I am going to pull attack card – you are attacking me because I don’t think the way you think, you attack me because I am uncomfortable with something that someone said, you are attacking me because of my feelings…oh wait a minute, you aren’t attacking me you say? Oh you are just telling me what you think? I see, so it’s different? 

The last three months have been the worst time of my life. There are maybe 5 of you that know something about it, and you 5 actually know VERY little of the whole situation. All this to say, you don’t know what is going on in everyone’s life. Anytime you say something you might be kicking someone when they are down. So every ‘mean girl’ comment and accusation written was actually a kick in the teeth to some. And I am still having trouble wrapping my head around why something that makes me uncomfortable translates into kicking him when he is down. You’ll have to provide specific quotes here, I’m a facts kinda girl.

Reading is fundamental folks. Don’t add words that aren’t there.


----------



## pammy4501 (Aug 8, 2007)

Snowball Pie's Mommi said:


> Amen! Opps ... I mean ... Good post! Great post, Pam!


 LOL Marie! You know me too well! 



Rocks said:


> I think it was the comments about my post making people feel creepy that started the whole mess. The shame of it is I had already gotten a good answer about volunteering at a pet shelter and was quite happy with that answer but after that came the comments that I made people feel creepy. I don't bottle things up inside because it just knots up my stomach. I open up to people that I consider friends and ask advice. Some times just saying whats bothering me is enough to help me let it go.


 I agree Jerry. Some people just have a need to let it all go. But when you do it on an open forum, be preparred for just about any type of reaction from those reading it. So, take the advice you like and blow the rest of it off. 


LuvMyBoys said:


> I hesitate to post in here again, I don’t want to give to give this anymore legs. How exhausting. I believe that some people are contrary just to be contrary.
> 
> We are going to have to agree to disagree here. To all of you that find this harmless, you aren’t wrong! But on the other hand I am also not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. We have different back grounds and life experiences. I happen to have a traumatic life experience that makes me very wary of this. I am very happy for those of you who have never had a similar experience to draw on.
> 
> ...


I hear you loud and clear! And as one that has had the "Mean" label aimed at me with both barrels, I can attest to how it makes you feel. Funny how most of the people calling us "mean" or "attacker" kind of inflate the truth if ya know what I mean. If people took the time to READ the entire post, maybe they would understand where we were coming from.


----------



## Rocks (Jul 9, 2012)

Luvmyboys,
as I posted earlier I said I understand why some people were not happy with this thread. and I explained what was going on in my mind. I have no hard feelings to anyone here and I respect everyone's right to say what they feel. Like I said, the timing on this thread was probably the thing that really bothered people seeing as it was so soon after posting that I had to move. In hindsight I can see why it bothered some people. but at the time like I said my head was spinning and from what you just said it seems like you have gone through something that was very upsetting to you recently. So I am guessing you can understand how my head is spinning right now. You even admit that you talked with a few people here about your problem, most likely in PM as you didn't want the whole forum to know your problems, I on the other hand didn't know who to reach out to in PM so I posted to everyone because I trust everyones opinions on here.


----------



## eiksaa (Jun 8, 2012)

LuvMyBoys said:


> I hesitate to post in here again, I don’t want to give to give this anymore legs. How exhausting. I believe that some people are contrary just to be contrary.
> 
> We are going to have to agree to disagree here. To all of you that find this harmless, you aren’t wrong! But on the other hand I am also not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. We have different back grounds and life experiences. I happen to have a traumatic life experience that makes me very wary of this. I am very happy for those of you who have never had a similar experience to draw on.
> 
> ...


Great post, Laura! :aktion033:


----------



## IzzysBellasMom (Jan 16, 2013)

Maidto2Maltese said:


> Hmmm .....I for one , take no issue with this thread. Jerry's been a long time member here and this was posted in the "anything-goes". He going thru personal life changes and I believe he's just trying to approach them in a positive manner rather than the negativity of it.
> 
> Now I will say...If this was a man that just posted this thread as a 'newbie'... I very likely would feel uncomfortable.... but not from an existing member.
> 
> ...


 
:goodpost:


----------



## CrystalAndZoe (Jul 11, 2006)

The only comment that I saw that was truly mean spirited and directed at some posters by actually calling them a name so to speak, was the 'mean girls club' comment.


----------



## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

I think the name of the thread was more tongue in cheek really. I think we all look at each other like sisters, brothers or cousins with the fame interest... We kid each other, support each other... Probably because those in our other life don't get the fluff/people bond...
I've heard more than one person get divorced and joke about jumping into the dating pool as a joke. Dating these days seems to be more about companionship, just finding someone to hang out with than matrimonial any more...
Moving to a new city, I took at as looking to meet new people... not just the ladies...

I can't give much on dating advise, been married for over 30 years, so haven't dated in a while.Lol! 

Like I said a good way to meet like minded people, get involved in volunteering in shelters or other charity find raisers...I'm doing a "Close The Family Puppy petstore" protest on the Saturday...so protests are a good way to meet people...lol!
BTW...might be calling for bail money!!!


----------



## IzzysBellasMom (Jan 16, 2013)

I also want to throw in there Jerry, not only volunteering, but other community activities, like charity walks, or beach clean ups, or you could always find a hobby that you love. Maybe your new place is near a park where you can take Louie and meet other dog owners that Louie would like also. One of our local dog parks here have their own fb page to let each other know when to go to the park. Now just make sure you don't become a stalker, LOL.


----------



## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

:wub:


michellerobison said:


> I think the name of the thread was more tongue in cheek really. I think we all look at each other like sisters, brothers or cousins with the fame interest... We kid each other, support each other... Probably because those in our other life don't get the fluff/people bond...
> I've heard more than one person get divorced and joke about jumping into the dating pool as a joke. Dating these days seems to be more about companionship, just finding someone to hang out with than matrimonial any more...
> Moving to a new city, I took at as looking to meet new people... not just the ladies...
> 
> ...


Now, YOU, Michelle ... we will pay your bail money. wub::wub:


----------



## Dominic (Nov 4, 2012)

Jerry,

What I see different than many others here is the inconsistency of your posts. 

*Ten days ago* you came to tell us your health got real bad and you couldn't even speak or move around much and you had to take your time typing and fixing all your typing blunders before posting. Also said your trigeminal neuralgia did not allow you to spend a good summer with Louie as it is the most painful medical condition known to medical science, called the suicide disease. Plus you mentioned you had to quit playing music.

*A week ago* you told us that minimum wage is more than twice what they give you for disability and that is only enough to die slowly. With that you mention to be fighting the cold turkey from the medications your insurance decided to stop paying without weaning you off properly.

*Then 3 days* ago you get kicked out of your house for saying s***, just like that… and you were looking for homeless shelters and churches and so on. You mention that only MONEY would help you out in this situation and once again mention that you can barely survive on what disability pays. *And here is where you lost me for good: Anyone know a kind loving lady that wants a new man in her life? I'm good at fixing things and very caring.*

Then you said you do everything around the house, you clean, wash the dishes, floors and vacuum, take care of the yard and anything else.

Can you see the inconsistency of the information above? You have been offered money, food for your dog, flea medication. You don't ask for it directly, true that but you imply and that is basically the same. 

*But then, yesterday* you said you are moving on with your life and going back to the dating scene, mentioning you've tried online dating sites but never had much luck with them and then you said it's been 14 years since you tried online dating. Confusing to me.. 

To finish, you came from sick in bed to hot stuff sitting on a motorcycle at the park where woman can't resist your musician attributes and wild personality, dating half of the woman on your state and etc. I fail to see how a man with severe disability can clean the house, the yard etc. and play guitar (you mention you played for hours 2 days ago) being off of your medicine out of the blue. I could keep adding facts to this but I'm sure this is enough.

There are no mean girls here, I'm not a girl, I'm a grown up woman and this is my opinion. You open your private life in public, you will get it back.

You are presenting yourself to a forum full of woman with good kind hearts and in some cases naive. It may not be how you meant it, but to someone paying attention it look sketchy. 

That is it.


----------



## eiksaa (Jun 8, 2012)

Dominic said:


> Jerry,
> 
> What I see different than many others here is the inconsistency of your posts.
> 
> ...


Great post. I think a lot of these facts contribute to making us uncomfortable. Thanks for spelling it out for those who haven't been on SM lately and are only judging by this one post.


----------



## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

Dominic said:


> Jerry,
> 
> What I see different than many others here is the inconsistency of your posts.
> 
> ...


Thank you, Beatriz, for this post. I wanted to go back and re-read some of Jerry's threads to make sure I had read them correctly the first time around. But, you have saved me time in doing that ... so thank you, again.

Jerry, I have to agree that all of the above examples Beatriz shared ... bother me, too.

And, what about the question I asked you about handicapped motorcyle tags? You never answered my question on that. I asked, because I really don't know. It's difficult for me to imagine how someone can ride a motorcycle safely ... especially if one has a disability like you said that you have.


----------



## MalteseJane (Nov 21, 2004)

> *I am also not wrong for feeling uncomfortable.*


If you were feeling uncomfortable, you just had to move on and not answer. 



> I happen to have a traumatic life experience that makes me very wary of this.


It's not because you had that other people should feel wary. Go out of the thread and don't answer.



> I believe the words used were strange vibes, uncomfortable, creepy, doesn’t feel right.


For me it sounds like you are accusing someone of having bad intentions.
As before, if this was your feeling, all you had to do is not answer the post and go out of the thread.



> you are attacking me because I don’t think the way you think, you attack me because I am uncomfortable with something that someone said, you are attacking me because of my feelings…oh wait a minute, you aren’t attacking me you say? Oh you are just telling me what you think? I see, so it’s different?


Hum, now because WE voice OUR OPINION we are attacking YOU ? You cannot have it both ways. As before, you did not need to answer and *if you felt uncomfortable you could have left the thread.*



> All this to say, you don’t know what is going on in everyone’s life. Anytime you say something you might be kicking someone when they are down.


*Well maybe you should start thinking about this yourself. *

And by the way, going by your standards, I am not attacking you, just stating my opinion.



> The last three months have been the worst time of my life.


I am sorry that the last 3 months have been the worst time of your life, but it's not an excuse to take it out on some one else.


----------



## hoaloha (Jan 27, 2012)

shellbeme said:


> *So I see we have a mission statement now, very well done by the way. I've been gone for a while, imagine my surprise to come back and find we have started a mean girls club here on SM*.
> 
> I sort of thought the 'anything goes' forums, was just that. I see posts about people calling the police, people being depressed, I posted about a rather crappy run at work, I see politics and current events, posts about lyme (Which I totally support everything you do Tori) I see people pouring their hearts out because of their woes, some of them maybe even eye roll worthy (perhaps even my own posts)-however I see nothing but support from everyone here-except when it's a man posting his troubles.....
> 
> ...





MalteseJane said:


> *Maybe we should get rid of the "Anything goes" thread. Put up another "Mission Statement" : "this forum is to talk about dogs, nothing else".*
> 
> What offends ME is that some of you have the guts to say you are not attacking him. Sorry ladies, but if this is not attacking I don't know what is.
> 
> And he is right, if you feel uncomfortable you don't need to read this thread, move on to another one, don't answer him. Nobody is forcing you to answer. And nobody is forcing you to read.



i have not and will not say anything in this thread except this: wow  , the above statements are *really* sarcastic & mean-spirited themselves and have NOTHING to do with the prior creation of the mission statement of SM. The mission statement was created for the greater welfare of the maltese breed. What a mean and irrelevant jab. :huh: These statements have nothing to do with Jerry's thread.


----------



## Summergirl73 (Sep 18, 2011)

Enough yall. Really. Some folks expressed their concern not necessarily to point a finger, but to caution those that might need to be cautioned ....IF there was a need to be cautioned at all. Others felt the original post was perfectly okay and wanted to help. It appears that others just want to stir the pot. I'm neither for or against the initial post or initial concerns &/or supporters of the thread....but really yall... get a grip and move on already.


----------



## eiksaa (Jun 8, 2012)

MalteseJane said:


> If you were feeling uncomfortable, you just had to move on and not answer.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I don't think you understood Laura's post at all. That's exactly the point she is trying to make, that you cannot have it both ways. She is saying if it's an attack to voice our discomfort it is the attack the other way too. 

She IS indeed saying people are voicing their opinion. Just like people on this thread were voicing their discomfort, not attacking. You kind of just proved her point without realizing it.

Again, reading comprehension. I don't think the post meant anyone is taking anything out on the OP because of their personal life. That is far from what this post said and you either completely missed the point or you're just twisting her words.


----------



## pammy4501 (Aug 8, 2007)

MalteseJane said:


> If you were feeling uncomfortable, you just had to move on and not answer.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Whoa! Maybe you should take 30 seconds or so and re read what you have written here....Not commenting on a questionable thread is one avenue. Another avenue is to comment about what you read here, wether its positive or not. This is an *OPEN FORUM*. Just as Jerry is free to unload what ever problems he is experiencing in his life here for the entire group to read, so are we entitled to repsond. And I might point out that you are availing yourself of that option as well. You could have choosen to not comment on Laura's comments and "just moved on and not answered"


----------



## vjw (Dec 20, 2006)

I'm not taking a position on the overall topic of this thread, but wanted to add something about disability. Please don't be too quick to judge people with disabilities. Not every person who has a disability is bedfast 100% of the time. Someone may be afflicted with mental or physical pain for the majority of their life, but have a window of time they feel better and doing something they enjoy for a brief period can help them maintain their psychological health. I know from personal experience that living with the effects of a disability can be a rough go - physically and mentally.


----------



## vjw (Dec 20, 2006)

vjw said:


> I'm not taking a position on the overall topic of this thread, but wanted to add something about disability. Please don't be too quick to judge people with disabilities. Not every person who has a disability is bedfast 100% of the time. Someone may be afflicted with mental or physical pain for the majority of their life, but have a window of time they feel better and doing something they enjoy for a brief period can help them maintain their psychological health. I know from personal experience that living with the effects of a disability can be a rough go - physically and mentally.


...AND financially...


----------



## Dominic (Nov 4, 2012)

vjw said:


> I'm not taking a position on the overall topic of this thread, but wanted to add something about disability. Please don't be too quick to judge people with disabilities. Not every person who has a disability is bedfast 100% of the time. Someone may be afflicted with mental or physical pain for the majority of their life, but have a window of time they feel better and doing something they enjoy for a brief period can help them maintain their psychological health. I know from personal experience that living with the effects of a disability can be a rough go - physically and mentally.





vjw said:


> ...AND financially...



Alright,

I am not judging anyone, I put together a post with the FACTS that leaded me to feel uncomfortable towards Jerry as there is a trend to call "attacking" and "mean girls club" around here. A quick reminder, I was the first one defending him when Sylvia pointed out she doesn't believe him then I went read his previous posts. Where I still find Sylvia was hard on him I do regret going against her.

Of course we all know life takes turns for the worst and for the better, the point is not if he is sick or not, is the inconsistency of everything he says. I fail to see how withing 3 days your health can come from stuck in bed barely able to type to playing the guitar for hours and riding a motorcycle and your finances can go from barely survive to a big improvement. 

I like facts and those I've compiled on my previous post are nothing but his words and those doesn't settle with me. 

No need to agree, yet that is my opinion based on information provided by Jerry.


----------



## Zoe's Mom88 (Apr 25, 2011)

I think we should take a step back. Jerry has been on this forum for a long time and many of us got to know him and his animals. He has never said anything wrong and I don't think his post was meant in anyway to harm or offend anyone. This is a someone who obviously is looking for some advice and I personally like to help everyone I can. We could focus all negative energy on really important issues going on in the world.


----------



## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

vjw said:


> I'm not taking a position on the overall topic of this thread, but wanted to add something about disability. Please don't be too quick to judge people with disabilities. Not every person who has a disability is bedfast 100% of the time. Someone may be afflicted with mental or physical pain for the majority of their life, but have a window of time they feel better and doing something they enjoy for a brief period can help them maintain their psychological health. I know from personal experience that living with the effects of a disability can be a rough go - physically and mentally.


I am the one who asked Jerry if there are handicapped tags for motorcycles. Simply because I never thought about it until Jerry shared that he has a motorcycle.

I have a handicapped tag for our vehicles. I was not meaning to sound judgemental. I understand that we can look great and yet have a difficukt getting around, etc. 

I was thinking more as to how dangerous a motorcycle itself can be. We've had too many fatal accidents in this area with motorcycles.


----------



## mysugarbears (Aug 13, 2007)

MalteseJane said:


> If you were feeling uncomfortable,* you just had to move on and not answer. *
> 
> 
> 
> It's not because you had that other people should feel wary.* Go out of the thread and don't answer.*


If you don't like what others have posted about feeling uncomfortable then why don't you follow what you had told others, just move on and not answer? 

The members that posted in this thread have a right to express how they feel.


----------



## maggieh (Dec 16, 2007)

I think that Jerry has stated he found some suggestions that will be helpful.

This has gotten out of hand - closing this thread.


----------

