# If You Are Married...How Do Handle Checkbooks?



## Julie718 (Feb 17, 2006)

I was just wondering if you have one account or each of you have the same account? How do you think this works out for you as a couple? Do you argue about money?


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## Jacki (Jul 13, 2006)

Oh brother ... good question. Maybe this is just because we're still kind of newlyweds, but hotty and I haven't "merged" our bank accounts yet. Money is the biggest thing we argued about when we were dating and engaged, but since we've been married, we've compromised a lot more and seem to be doing better. Probably because we realized there's no option but to do better ... lol ... but anyway. 

What we do is -- we just make sure that all the bills are paid, and it has worked out so far that we each take care of certain things. He covers our insurance (car, health, life, renter's, etc.), his student loan payment, his cell phone and credit card bill, and puts gas in his car. I cover all utilities, my cell phone and credit card bills, put gas in my car, and pay 1/2 to most of the rent. He puts in his rent contribution as well. 

Whoever has time to go to the store pays for groceries. It usually works out so we are about even on what we pay for.









I think eventually we'll combine the checking accounts ... but for now, we're happily independent. We don't do "my money vs. his money" ... it's all OUR money, it just lives in different banks. I'm not good about balancing my checkbook so I like having my own account because keeping track of my own things is enough work, let alone another person's purchases!!!









A professor of mine in college said she thinks a man and woman should never combine their finances upon marriage. Her husband was a millionaire, and she was a college English professor at a Christian school (they make very little money). Personally, I think that seems like hedging your bets ... but maybe a lot of the world IS doing that when they get married.


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## coco (Sep 20, 2006)

> I was just wondering if you have one account or each of you have the same account? How do you think this works out for you as a couple? Do you argue about money?[/B]


I have always had my own checkbook. Hubby paid the bills for most of the years from his income. I usually buy the groceries. When the kids were young, I was a stay at home Mom for the most part. I got a monthly allowance from my husband for my spending. At some point, I feel sure any couple will argue over money. It is one of the top things on the list of things about which couples argue. My suggestion is to work this out prior to marriage, as I know many couples who never get it solved, and money becomes a real issue. I just believe that every woman should have her own account and her own money and a bit of savings set aside for emergencies. My name has always been on my husband's checking account, but I have my own checking account without his name.







Good luck, Julie.


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## HappyB (Feb 28, 2005)

Through the years, I've dealt with a number of couples who had money issues related to marriage problems.

What I've found that works best is for "yours", "mine", and "ours". So much money should be set aside for joint expenses, such as housing, and utilities. This should be in an account where both parties have access, and both contribute. If one partner makes considerably more than the other, perhaps 50% of each person's income should be included. Then, each party needs an account with "mad money". The personal account is at the disgression of the owner. If they want to spend it all in one day, so be it. They can't borrow from the joint account, and the other party is encouraged to not make loans to then, except for emergencies. If the couple is saving for a home, or a new car, then a savings account should be set up with each contributing to that. Investment income can be handled individually or through the same percentage method. I encourage couples to sit down once a month, make an updated budget, and discuss what they expect in expenses for the month.


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## msmagnolia (Sep 8, 2004)

My answers might not apply to couples of today. I've been married almost 29 years. Until recently we have always worked out of one checkbook. I pay the bills and carry the checkbook. My husband uses a credit or debit card and really didn't have much reason to ever write a check. In fact, I used to joke that if something happened to me he wouldn't even know how to write a check. 

Things changed after his mother died about 7 years ago. He had to settle the estate and became much more involved in financial dealings. Around that same time he left the Navy and became a partner in this practice and our financial picture changed considerably. We had to do alot more about investments, etc. He handles most of the investments and I handle the day to day finances. He now carries a checkbook from a smaller checking account so that he can pay green fees, etc. With our rebuilding project he and I always have to be prepared to write a check. Actually we have a central checking account that all money goes into. From that account we transfer money to the account that he carries and to another one that I pay the bills out of. Both of our names are on ALL checking and savings accounts and all statements come to the house and can be seen by either of us. We do not ever argue about money. Even when we didn't have that much we didn't argue about money because our fundamental philosophy is the same.

I know that young people today do things differently. I would not want my husband to have "his" money that I didn't have access to.


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## Chyna's Mommie (Feb 23, 2007)

In my home hubby pays certain bills. I pay the others. This is something we have agreed upon. We have separate checking accounts, but a joint savings where we both contribute every pay day. We have agreed upon a certain amount for that as well. That money doesn't get touched unless we both agree and its something thats a must have or an investment.

The rest of the money is our do what we like. We just take care of our top priorites 1st.


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## zsazsasmom (Nov 1, 2004)

one checkbook here, I give him a couple checks he puts in his wallet to use for back up, he uses his debit card, I pay the bills out of the checkbook, never had any problems and we have been married 15 yrs


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## Deanna (Jan 14, 2005)

We have one checking out, several savings accounts- and we never argue about money.

We sit down together every month and pay the bills (all online), and then we work out the budget for the month. We pretty much have the same expenses each month- but sometimes our saving priorities change. We have the $100 rule. If something is more than $100 we check in with each other. My hair, make-up, nails, etc (I always tell him that beauty doesn't come natural and it's not cheap) is a lot more each month than he spends on himself, so he pretty much buys whatever he wants. 

We have several savings accounts- because it's easier for me to keep track of our saving goals. So for example, I have one savings account for the dogs. Instead of getting pet insurance for them I stick $50 in each month, once that reaches $2000 I will stop until we have used it. But this covers all their medical bills. We have a home reno savings account. We have a car repair savings account. We have one new car and one older car- which tends to need something every year, so we save just in case it needs something big or it finally dies and we need a down payment for a new car. And we also have a vacation account. We put $100 in each month, even if we don't have a vacation date or location set. Once we have decided when and where we increase that monthly amount so that by the time we leave on our trip it will be a cash only trip. All that is on top of our emergency savings account (which by the advice of every one financial should have 3-6 months of living expenses), and our retirement savings- pension, RRSP, life insurance, etc. That is just how my brain works. I have to have everything seperate, and track it- so that I know where we are in realtion to each of our goals. 

We also each take out a certain amount in cash that is just for whatever we want- a coffee, a magazine, etc. Its ours so that every single little thing isn't added into the budget. 

We have 0 debt- except for our house mortgage- and we want to keep it that way! 

We approach it as we have a common goal- we are in this together. So it doesn't matter who makes more.

I know many couples who have a joint or household account, and each have their own accounts. They each put in a certain amount per month to cover the household bills, but then what they do with their "own" money is up to them. I just don't see the point. If we combine everything and save together and keep each other on track then we reach our goals sooner. But that's us, everyone is different. 

Some mistakes I have watched friends make-- lying about their spending, lying about their debt, splitting the cost of everything down to the penny (I saw a friend's husband walk in their front door- hand her the baby's diapers, pull out a receipt and calculate her half!!!). 

Just be open and honest with each other- pay the bills together each month, work out your budget together. Also, most financial advisors are free, so go see one before you get married. We went to one a couple of months before we got married, she helped us work out a savings plan, a budget- and also helped figure out our retirement goals. We see her twice a year to make adjustments to our retirement plans as our income increases/changes. 

Good luck!


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## thelittlepet (Apr 18, 2006)

We have one two checkbooks, one $ goes into for doggie stuff, (vet, potties, bows







) and one for everything else. Money goes straight out into savings and other accounts that we never have a chance to spend and our names are on all of the accounts. We have never argued about $ and May will be 9 years. The only problem that ever comes up is that since we both record checks and debit purchases and both might pay bills it is hard to buy presents for birthdays or holidays because we see everything and we are horrible secert keepers. oh well.
Aimee


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## samsonsmom (May 4, 2005)

After 40 years together, our solution is simple. We both work, have a joint account for checking and savings, individual IRAs. We also have my philosophy of the "joint accounts"....what is mine is mine and what is his is mine too. Told him the day we married that I have taken everything he owns--including his name. Arguments? Honey, after 40 years there's nothing left to argue about. 

Samsonsmom


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## saltymalty (Sep 14, 2004)

My husband and I each maintain our own checking accounts...mostly because his employer directly deposits into his checking account. But both of our checking accounts are joint accounts, so either of us could write checks on them. I will say that rarely do we write checks. Most of the bills are written from his account, while the day to day stuff comes from mine. If I run low, I just transfer more in. Something that I was told once when I started my first job...always keep your own credit profile. Make sure you have at least one bank account and credit card in your name...you never know what can happen in the future. Establishing credit can be difficult, especially if you are a stay at home mom. As far as our investment accounts go, my DH has no clue what's in there. Well, I shouldn't say no clue...he has very little notion. We have never argued about money mostly because we came to an understanding very early on in our marriage...we don't sweat the small stuff. Basically if a purchase is under a certain dollar amount, we don't need to clear it with each other. I was very up front when we were married...I never ever wanted to be like Lucy and have to ask Ricky for a new dress....I don't like 'splainin things.


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## Julie718 (Feb 17, 2006)

Thanks for all of the replies. My fiance and I are in the process of combining accounts. I'm moving all of my money into his account which will be "our account". I have never shared a checking or savings account with anyone and just wanted to see how everything works for everyone else.

I agree with you, Deanna that you can save more money and work towards goals if you combine money and work together.


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## lillady (Jan 25, 2007)

We still just half stuff. That's what we did for 7 1/2 yrs. and we are still so used to it! It works for us anyway. I think until we have kids-we will keep it that way!


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## camfan (Oct 30, 2006)

I think we are somewhat unique (note I did not say special or exceptional, just unique, lol). So I don't think I'm a good candidate to ask. Pete is the money man in the house--he's brilliant with it. I don't work anymore, but when I was working we had just one account. Now that I'm getting back to working it'll stay one account. I have my ATM card, debit card and credit card and use them whenever I need to--don't have to check with him. I have a good handle on what our expenses are so I know when to conserve and when I can be more liberal. He does all of the finances--every last bit of every aspect from checkbook to savings to taxes to all of our investments, etc. I COULD do this if I wanted to, did it in the past during my 1st marriage and did it while I was single, I just have no desire to do it. And since he is so good at it, I don't stress at all about it leaving it all up to him.







P.S. when I start my new job I'll hand the checks over to him. I know it's getting put to good, and correct, use. I'll throw in there that he and I NEVER fight (I told you we were unique, lol). Seriously, in a year we have maybe 1 or 2 fights where voices are raised, etc. I think this is because of a combo of having both been married before and knowing the ropes and what is "worth" arguing over AND the fact that we are just a good match. I'm hoping we'll be one of those couples that will stroll hand in hand as old folks someday...that is our dream anyway







Remember all that really matters in the end is your love for each other--it's the reason why you get married--that keeps things very simple


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## puppymom (Jun 13, 2005)

We have NEVER had a fight about money. 

We have seperate accounts, in seperate banks. We each have bills that are our own responsibility (ie I pay the house payment, he buys the groceries and gas etc). What ever is left over after each pays their bills is up to them to do what they want to with. If we decide on a major purchse we each chip in half. I have a credit card in my name, he has one in his. I have NEVER looked at his bill and he has never looked at mine. At times like Christmas we split the list down the middle and I buy half the gifts and he buys the other. 

When it comes to going out to dinner we take turns picking up the check. When we go on vacation I might pay for the hotel, he pays for the food and gas. I have my own savings account and so does he. 

We both had devastating first marriages where money was an issue and we decided from the start that the best way was for us to each control our own income. I NEVER feel guilty when I buy something and I NEVER ask him what he spends (or how much). I t might not work for everyone but since we both have pretty equal incomes it works great for us.


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## HollyHobbie (Apr 12, 2005)

We do things diffently that most of the people we know that are our age. It is similiar to some people here though. 

We do just have one checking account. Even when I worked full time before I had kids. Hubby pays all the bills. I do all the shopping and pay anything at the school that the boys need. He tells me when to hold off on writing checks. LOL...If I want I can look up our account online anytime. I usually don't. I just say hey I'm going shopping for xxx and yyy how much can I spend? lol

I write a check, use my debit car or credit card whenever I want for the most part. He is pretty much the same way. If it is something like really big that either of us want we tell the other one hey I want this and get it if we can if not wait until we can and get it. I never tell him he can't buy something and he extends the same to me. Now that is not to say we don't say can that wait until next week or so?

We have never ever argued over money. I don't really see us doing that. We are very much alike in that department. For the most part we both think alike. Well sometimes I have to tell him ok generic motrin is just the same buy it its half price. LOL

Hubby and I started daying in June, got engaged in Feb and at that time we opened our joint account. We got married in Aug. and had all our funds "merged" since Feb. even though we were living together. It worked for us.

Hubby is a banker and so I just prefer him to handle the bills. Why should I worry about it when he is right there everyday. I think everyone has to find what works best for them though. My parents have been married for 35 years and they have seperate accounts and mom makes her car payment, dad makes his, dad pays x, x and x bill and mom pays y, y and y bill. Works for them.


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## dogloverx3 (Apr 14, 2006)

I'm a divorce lawyer , and because of things I have seen , would NEVER , EVER , have combined finances . On more than one occasion , I have seen clients left penniless after their partner cleaned out the "joint" account . Sarah


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## bellasmommy (May 8, 2005)

I'm single, but I think the answer to your question depends on how you like to handle your money and how your husband handles his, and how much you want to share comfortably. I'm a control freak, so the prospect of having a joint account would make me a nervous wreck... unless I had my own _separate_ account on the side. Don't get me wrong, we might still both use the money from the account, but one of the accounts will only have my name on it. Just protecting myself.


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## revakb2 (Sep 8, 2006)

> After 40 years together, our solution is simple. We both work, have a joint account for checking and savings, individual IRAs. We also have my philosophy of the "joint accounts"....what is mine is mine and what is his is mine too. Told him the day we married that I have taken everything he owns--including his name. Arguments? Honey, after 40 years there's nothing left to argue about.
> 
> Samsonsmom[/B]



Ditto here. Although I control all of the day to day income and expenses, Hubby does all of the long term investing. We worked out a great plan, he doesn't ask, and I don't tell. I love to spend, and he is the saver. He won't even open any of the credit card bills. We'll be married 40 years in September, and this works for us.

I do, however, believe that everyone should have some financial independence. I can't imagine having to ask someone else about every little purchase I make.


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## Jacki (Jul 13, 2006)

Another thing I wanted to add ... a lot of what turns out to be the "right" solution for you will depend upon you and your partner's financial habits, your personalities, etc. 

For instance, my husband is more of a "dreamer" and I am more of a "practical" person. So while he might look at our current bank balances and say, "Let's go buy a new TV!" I would look and say, "Let's try to pay off our credit cards!" I grew up with plenty of money and he grew up with much less -- but it had an effect opposite of what you'd think. Now that we're on our own, I am not really concerned with having nice or expensive things, because I know that comes with time -- as it did for my parents. But my husband is in a hurry to get expensive things and doesn't want to wait. 

So I have been hesitant to merge finances -- I feel very secure knowing I have MY checking account. Even if it is technically OUR money, it is still only in my name. I am the only one who can do anything with it. And that puts my mind at ease. Whereas I don't think he could care less if I was on his account and wrote checks out of it. While it works for many couples, I know I could never be in a marriage where the husband was the sole money manager and the wife got an "allowance" ... I'd jump right out the frigging window. 

Look at what works for the two of you -- don't worry about what your parents did, or what your friends do, or what any of us do -- you will figure out a financial solution that makes you both happy (or at least content).


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## suTQ (Jul 13, 2006)

First let me say that this is a really good question and that you are wise to think about such things. As you can see from all of the replies, different things work for different people. I say talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, to your fiance/husband. We dated for 4 years before getting married and we talked about EVERYTHING, politics, religion, how to discipline/educate our children (years before we even considered getting pregnant), money/checkbook issues, it really helped to work all of that out so that we knew what each person was expecting and it really minimizes disagreements. When we were first married, I worked and we had a single joint checking account with several different savings accounts (regular savings, home, travel, kids, etc.), and I paid the bills. When I stopped working to become a stay at home mom, we got another joint checking account. His check is direct deposited into all of the accounts and we each manage a checkbook. We have a very strict budget in which he pays certain bills and I pay certain bills, and we each have "discretionary" money to spend. Because we spent alot of time working out our budget, we pretty much know where the money goes. We only check with each other for big things. We have never argued over money---the money will come and go, my marriage is forever. With the exceptions of cheating or abuse (or something on that level), I feel that divorce is simply not an option---"till death" means till death for me. If you do decide to go with a single checking account, I would recommend that you have a monthly "money" meeting to discuss things and to keep the two of you on the same page. Also, if one of you has a better head for money matters or is just better at managing such things, perhaps that person should pay the bills for a single account. Congratulations on your new life and I hope that in all matters, including money, you and your husband are peacefully united.


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## joe (Jan 5, 2003)

lets see, kims money is kims money, my money is kims money and our money is kims money, i think thats how it works


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## louis' mom (Jul 7, 2006)

> After 40 years together, our solution is simple. We both work, have a joint account for checking and savings, individual IRAs. We also have my philosophy of the "joint accounts"....what is mine is mine and what is his is mine too. Told him the day we married that I have taken everything he owns--including his name. Arguments? Honey, after 40 years there's nothing left to argue about.
> 
> Samsonsmom[/B]


Love it. That is what I told my husband too but not just about money - EVERYTHING.









Seriously though, we got married after we both had been working. So what was mine is still mine. He has his own accounts. I pay the mortgage. He pays for everything else including the credit card which I put EVERYTHING on. We have one joint account - which he knows nothing about. We generally don't argue about money - because he lets me deal with almost everything related to money because I am better at managing it than he is.


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## 2maltese4me (May 8, 2006)

My husband and I have always had one account....it's _never been an issue_!!







we'll be married 17 yrs this coming June. Mind you we lived together for a few yrs before we married...and even then we shared an account....it works for us.


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## Cary (Jun 11, 2006)

Wow! From the long married to the newlyweds excellent 
and quite diverse advice .
I'm a pretty traditional guy so joint everything.
That said my ex and I ALWAYS had issues with money.
Mostly to the tune of I worked, made more etc. and NEVER had
access to any of it. Had to ask for gas money. It sucked. I resented
it. Yes I did mention it but it never changed. I had to hide any
"extra" I might get out of a commission or something just to
have any personal money or even to buy her a gift. NEVER again.
That might have something to do with her title.....EX.


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## May468 (Dec 5, 2006)

We've been married 22 years. He uses it when he wants too. He doesn't want to know about it.


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## Tallulah's Mom (Jan 8, 2007)

My husband and I have been married 18 years and we've always had a joint bank account. 

Of course when he gets a lotto ticket it's "our ticket" but when I buy one it's "my ticket."







(just joking although we/I haven't won yet!!)


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## CandicePK (Nov 11, 2004)

I've been married for twenty years and we have never argued about money - not once... We have one joint checking and two joint savings accounts - one short term and one long term. I've always handled those because my husband can't stand writing checks, transferring money and balancing etc..

He handles all our investments which are also jointly owned. All paperwork, statements come to the house and we both look at them. 

We each have a checkcard that we use for everything and only consult each other when it's something very expensive. We also each get so much cash each week that is ours to do whatever we want with. It has always worked for us.


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## LadyofYorkies (Jan 20, 2007)

I make my husband take care of all that. It was too much hassle to have to answer to him for everything so I just take him when I go shopping. My walking, talking credit card. LOL

Now that I have my dogs and hope to do a little selling, I plan on getting my own account. He doesn't like it but I refuse to have to ask him when I need something or need something done. Hubby likes to think he's a penny pincher but he doesn't say no when we go shopping. Then he wonders why we can't save any money. I keep telling him to just tell me when we've reached the limit of our budget but he never does.

Sylvia


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## hambys97 (Feb 25, 2005)

We don't argue ABOUT money......

We argue over the LACK of money









Hubby and I joined finances before we were married. It is still that way. We pay bills together and communicate (okay, yell on occasion) about it, and work it out from there.....








as long as he remembers, what's his is mine, what's mine is mine, what's ours....is MINE!
True, just ask my kids


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## starry (Sep 4, 2006)

> I was just wondering if you have one account or each of you have the same account? How do you think this works out for you as a couple? Do you argue about money?[/B]


One account since we moved in together or we would have never had the $ to buy our 1st house 2 yrs b4 we got married.
Are you married? We had to pool our $ so we could focus on getting big things. I trusted him, we've been married 23? yrs. 
I don't like it sometime bc he makes all the decisions, but I trust him.
It works out best as it can, even tho I want to save and we've always gone on vacations or bought everything and he's very generous to our kids.
So now it's scarey bc we don't have a big savings and it's too late for me to take over.
My friend had seperate accounts w/her hub, now they r divorced!
It's always about the $,,arguments I mean. 
So get ready to argue no matter what decision you make. Just be sure you have a career and don't let him support you or you'll be sorry....


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## Harley & Dakotas Mum (Jun 11, 2005)

I'm single, and I have no idea what to do if/when I'm put in this situation - mostly because I'm so used to spending WHATEVER I like with MY money - I think I would feel bad about spending 'our' money on things that may be considered frivilous (like I do now!). Don't get me wrong, I'm also a very good saver, but I don't have to consider anyone else when I spend money ... so I guess I wouldn't mind a joint account, but I think I would put pressure on myself to tone down the spending! LOL

My parents on the other hand, have been married for over 30 years, have always had a joint account & my father would not have a CLUE about any of their finances whatsover! He's happily living in ignorance, he doesnt know how to do banking in any shape or form, so it works for them. Just recently my parents purchased a property & sold one also - that's when my mum had to sit my dad down for half an hour to try & explain to him the concept of the different bank accounts & where exactly the money & investments were! LOL She's petrified that one day she wont be here & poor old dad will have money in the bank and not even know about it, least of all how to get to it! LOL He doesn't care - he puts his hand out for money when he needs it, tells her how much, and she hands it over! Works for them, they're happy, and to my knowledge, the only arguments they have over money is when mum is trying to get dad to take an interest!! She jokes that she could take him to the cleaner & he wouldn't even know about it! LOL


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## jasmyne's mom (Dec 2, 2006)

We have 2 accounts. We both work full time. He pays the all the 'regular' bills (house, car, utilities, etc) and I pay for the extras (kids things, grocery's, eating out, trips, Jasmyne, etc). We have access to each others accounts but we don't usually take from each other. This way my husband knows that he's not taking grocery money or something else I have budgeted and he also has extra money in his acct for his golfing or whatever he wants. This has worked well for us for 20 years.


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## miko's mommy (Feb 8, 2005)

Wow, its impressive how people vary on this subject. Husband and I have one checking account and one savings both in our names. My husband is way too much of a dreamer....he relies on me to remember to pay the rent and bills and he is way too non-materialistic, so his spending is never an issue. I have to force him to buy a present for his birthday, lol. However, he does get annoyed with me for being too wasteful. He married me with all my school debt (all 100K of it) and in turn he came with a tiny savings his parents started for his. I think its a fair trade







.

We have been together for over 10 years now and haven't really fought about the money. I think you have to just work this out for yourself. Its too personal of an issue (I think) to be getting advice from strangers on the forum.


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## Louis' Dad (Jul 12, 2006)

> Love it. That is what I told my husband too but not just about money - EVERYTHING.
> 
> 
> 
> ...










Oooppps......I guess I know now.







You really shouldn't leave these windows for SM sitting around on my computer if you don't want me to know about all your secrets.

Sooooo, how rich are we?


Could someone start a thread about having affairs? I want to see what my wife posts in that thread.


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## Cary (Jun 11, 2006)

> Could someone start a thread about having affairs? I want to see what my wife posts in that thread.[/B]


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## pico's parent (Apr 5, 2004)

Maybe having a joint account is not "practical" as far as "protecting yourself" but combining discretionary funds helps you to accomplish joint goals much better. Call me old-fashioned but if you trust this person enough to sleep beside them every night (you're unconscious.....how much more trusting can you be?) then you trust them all the way. Or why get married?

My husband and I have been married 16 years and the first couple of years that checkbook flew from one to the other every few months. He had a unique style of keeping the check register that drove me crazy and I tended to make subtraction mistakes and not want to keep a lot of money in checking so I'd bounce a check every 6 months or so and that drove HIM crazy!

We finally settled that down and I keep the finances. I makes so much more sense to me to see $500 or so in discretionary funds each month and plan what to do with that than for each of us to see $250 and feel like it was "fritter" money....not enough to do anything with but spend foolishly.


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## Julie718 (Feb 17, 2006)

> lets see, kims money is kims money, my money is kims money and our money is kims money, i think thats how it works
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Hee hee...that is too funny!!!


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## miko's mommy (Feb 8, 2005)

> Maybe having a joint account is not "practical" as far as "protecting yourself" but combining discretionary funds helps you to accomplish joint goals much better. Call me old-fashioned but if you trust this person enough to sleep beside them every night (you're unconscious.....how much more trusting can you be?) then you trust them all the way. Or why get married?[/B]


I completely agree and I can't imagine having two accounts. But its such a personal decision and I guess different things work for different couples. I have a really good friend at work, who is married and has a two year old kid and I was a little shocked when she said they have separate accounts. I am sure they have a great marriage though. The other thing I don't understand is couples who don't wear wedding bands. But again, its such a personal decision and trust and faith in one another shouldn't just be expressed with rings. But somehow, I would be really, really upset if my husband didn't wear a wedding ring. We have been together for over 10 yrs, so its not as though I am just a newly wed.


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## Cary (Jun 11, 2006)

> I completely agree and I can't imagine having two accounts. But its such a personal decision and I guess different things work for different couples. I have a really good friend at work, who is married and has a two year old kid and I was a little shocked when she said they have separate accounts. I am sure they have a great marriage though. The other thing I don't understand is couples who don't wear wedding bands. But again, its such a personal decision and trust and faith in one another shouldn't just be expressed with rings. But somehow, I would be really, really upset if my husband didn't wear a wedding ring. We have been together for over 10 yrs, so its not as though I am just a newly wed.[/B]


It is hard to say what's right and wrong in an individual situation
where preferences and different homes of origin are involved.
I guess that's where the 2 lives becoming 1 part comes in and
people have to decide what works for them. I think many of us
have preconceived notions as to our own expectations and how
we expect those to play out. Whether it be roles or rings etc.
Not that I'll chance it again but I think I'd choose the 3 accounts
thing if I had it to do over again. Yours, mine and ours. We all
go into the situation (hopefully) feeling we can trust the other
and willingly leave ourselves open (vulnerable). That's a good
thing but it's not a bad thing (from my experiences) to err on
the side of caution. Not to be distrustful.... but unless you've
been living in a commune with no statistical information about life, love etc.
you need to protect yourself.


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## Tallulah's Mom (Jan 8, 2007)

> > index.php?act=findpost&pid=350693
> 
> 
> 
> ...










Has anyone heard from Louis' Mom or Dad lately? I hope all is okay.


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## louis' mom (Jul 7, 2006)

oh we are fine - thanks for asking - my husband is a goof ball - i thought i was careful and shut all the ie windows.


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## pico's parent (Apr 5, 2004)

I did forget to mention that in addition to our joint account we each have a discretionary account that we put a set amount of money in each month for our personal spending.....keeps the checkbook pristine! Hubby uses his ATM card to access his account and when the money's gone, it's gone and no worries about overdrafting or keeping a checkbook.


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## puppymom (Jun 13, 2005)

Having seperate accounts does not mean you do not "trust" the person you are living with, it is simply a way of maintaining your own autonomy and independence. It should not be a way of judging the state of a relationship. What is more important than how your finances are handled is that as a couple you agree to handle them that way.


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## The A Team (Dec 1, 2005)

I have my own method for handling financial stuff. I have five checking accounts








One of them is in both our names - I pay realestate taxes, life ins., Christmas Club, Car insurance, etc. out of that one (hubby's Social Security check). One is in just my name - I pay all the normal incoming bills out of here. Then I have one in my name and my daughter's name - it's easier to just transfer $ to her when she needs it (she's 30 years old!







) Then I have one that I use for Christmas gifts in the winter and my flowers in the spring/summer, I put my Christmas & birthday $ in here. Then another one we try to add to for vacations and/or house repairs/remodeling- annual interest from CD's, etc.. And last but not least is one that makes pretty good interest that I use as my savings.

This way I can moniter each and if I get into a spending frenzy on one thing - I won't hurt anything else...
does that make any sense what so ever?

Oh, and because I've been buying so many dog clothes lately, I also just opened a paypal yesterday


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