# Sticky  Getting frustrated



## KCY

- barking 
- walks
- separation anxiety

When I got my pup at 4 months, it was so easy. Hardly barked and loved going outside. Now at 10 months, barking is excessive, afraid to go outside and howls when I leave. I guess it's my fault because I loved the fact that he followed me everywhere in the house. I played with him when he would carry his toy and drop it in front of me. It was just so cute. Now I'm reading I should initiate and ignore when he does it especially when he barks. I understand that I should be the pact leader but just like a child, you give in and want to spoil them. Also, I work full time that I love giving him all the attention when I get home and weekends. I actually got a dropcam and I can see and hear him using my iPhone when I leave. Boy there' days he howls/whines for 30 minutes. I also notice when I am not giving him attention, he quietly whines. I feel so bad. As for the walking, he heard a loud stupid motorcycle and he just wanted to go back inside. Think that scarred him. I've even given him treats to lure him but just doesn't work. 

Sorry this is long. I'm just overwhelmed and frustrated. He is a happy and thank God healthy.. I so want to be a good Mom.... And I know he's only a pup and will get better. Does it??


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## sherry

He loves you and wants to be with you! I know it's tough to have a boy with separation anxiety. Have you talked to your vet about getting something to calm him? Or tried something like rescue me? It will take trial and error to figure out.


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## CloudClan

I don't agree that he should not be able to initiate play. Where did you read that? 

I do think that it sounds like he needs more socialization and confidence building. You didn't mention, has he ever been to socialization classes?


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## maltese manica

I would try a little bit of rescue remedy for him. By the way you got my attention about the drop camera, please tell me more I need to do this. I have the I phone as well


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## pammy4501

First, stop reading the Caesar Milan books. All that pack leader stuff is nonsense. Go and find a good trainer that utilizes positive training methods. Try to find one that is APDT certified. And you most likely won't find that at Petco or PetSmart. Get him and you going to training together. It will help you to learn how to train him, socialize him and strengthen your dog/owner bond. Good luck!


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## nwyant1946

*Crap, I just downloaded a couple of Cesar Millan's book... Oh well, they are entertaining if nothing else. I've noticed he talks only about very large dogs...never addresses the smaller lapdogs very much.*


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## Alvar's Mom

If you haven't already, I'd find a good trainer and do a private lesson and group classes. Training is great for building confidence and strengthening your relationship with your dog.


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## Sylie

MiMi barks to initiate play, to get my attention, to get the attention of anybody who comes to visit. For a while it was cute. It is a yap that can make your ears bleed. Lately she has been doing it every time she wants a cookie. Three days ago she started arfing at me to my wits end. Finally, I lost it at screamed at her to shut up. I screamed louder than her arfing. Well, my poor baby looked like she had been totally stricken. But, guess what? The horrible high pitched arfing stopped. Three days and no beasty arfing. I felt so bad, because she looked like I had smacked her in the face. But it worked. That ear splitting arfing is in the past.


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## Dominic

Sylie, those are the moments I wish you had it on video. Lol. But hey, it worked! And made my smile. 


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## vinhle68

Hi Karen

This remind me so much of Biscuit! We too didn't train him right at the beginning and both Mommy and Daddy spoiled him silly. We didn't socialize him much at all so he shy away from socializing with other dogs, actually I think Biscuit doesn't think he's a dog! LOL.... He also have serious separation anxiety if we leave him alone by himself just for mearly minutes. He Barks and Growls, and when we come home finally he whines too! 

Bless you for trying to find answers as it show how much you love Angelo! I think you have receive some sound advice there on finding a private trainer! Goodluck and keep us posted on any new development! 

By the way! Angelo looks adorable and cute! Please post more pics of Angelo!


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## Ladysmom

pammy4501 said:


> First, stop reading the Caesar Milan books. All that pack leader stuff is nonsense..


I agree!

Dog Whisperer, Dog Psychology and Cesar Millan

Andrew Luescher, DVM, Veterinary Behaviorist, Animal Behavior Clinic, Purdue University

ClickerSolutions Training Articles -- The History and Misconceptions of Dominance Theory

LEE CHARLES KELLEY


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## Kathleen

Hi Karen,
Little Angelo is so cute! It sounds like maybe he needs to build up his confidence. I agree with others that if you haven't already taken him to puppy kindergarten or basic obedience classes, that is a great place to start. It definitely makes them more confident, and helps build the bond between you. It also helps with socialization. There are lots of positive reinforcement based training classes. Be careful to avoid the dominance based training. We took some really good classes at our local SPCA. Here is a link to find a certified trainer from the Certification Counsel of Professional Dog Trainers (CCPDT):
Finding Help

Also, since it sounds like he is home while you are at work, you could try playing with him for a while before you leave. I get up 1/2 hour early to play with Daisy and Max. They need to be tuckered out before I leave for the day! I do the same thing at night too. They are less stressed out when they are tired.

You could also do an internet search to read more about separation anxiety. I faced this recently with our Lhasa, Buddy. You can try to desensitize them to your leaving by repeatedly leaving for a minute and then coming back, and gradually increasing the time gone. We also tried Rescue Remedy and the Thundershirt (which didn't seem to work for us, but seems to work well for some) and the plug in pheremones (DAP) which did really seem to help. After about a month, he got over it and now is fine. 

I would definitley try to work things out now, while he is still young, before they really become ingrained habits. 
Hang in there! Angelo is probably going through an adjustment phase, and I think there are things you can do to help. You are a good mom for worrying about him and wanting him to be happy.


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## KCY

What exactly is rescue remedy? Is that some kind of training? Dropcam is awesome. its a small camera you plug in. It is sooo simple and quick. all you need to do is go to their website and register and that's it. takes 5 minutes! you do need wifi at home though. you see everything in the room and its high definition! you can hear and talk too. you can view in your computer and think all smart phones. I"m so bad, I watch Angelo all day at work using my iphone. and get to see my husband kiss and take care of him.. I swear dropcam should pay me cause I've told all my friends about it LOL. cost $145 but worth it!!


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## shellbeme

Ok, I am actually not a Cesar Milan hater, I think he's great-in some situations, I doubt we'll ever see a maltese in one of those situations though  

I HIGHLY recomend kikopup:






She as a TON of videos on UTUBE for free that covers dozens of doggie issues. She is utterly brilliant, uses positive reinforcement and I have a major girl crush on her. Seriously though, she's brilliant, by far my favorite trainer.

Tucker has separation anxiety when it comes to me too so I completely understand how difficult it can be. Have you thought of doing some doggie daycare too? We have some excellent options in our area, you could maybe take him once or twice a week for playtime and socialization while you're at work.


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## KCY

CloudClan said:


> I don't agree that he should not be able to initiate play. Where did you read that?
> 
> I do think that it sounds like he needs more socialization and confidence building. You didn't mention, has he ever been to socialization classes?



I read it at other websites/forums to stop the barking.. 

Think that's what I need to do! he does love playing with other dogs..


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## KCY

pammy4501 said:


> First, stop reading the Caesar Milan books. All that pack leader stuff is nonsense. Go and find a good trainer that utilizes positive training methods. Try to find one that is APDT certified. And you most likely won't find that at Petco or PetSmart. Get him and you going to training together. It will help you to learn how to train him, socialize him and strengthen your dog/owner bond. Good luck!



Really? I don't have the books but watched the show a few times. I even watched when I didn't have Angelo. It is entertaining and good endings.. 

You are right, that's what I need to do. I will research right now and find a good trainer. It's a shame, when he does see other dogs, he just wants to play with them. Now, I do not know because for the past few days, he's afraid to go out. and I live in a quiet private area too. But occasionally, you get a passerby with a loud car or motorcyle...


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## Yogi's Mom

*Just Dont ever give up!!!!*
*It will Get better.*
*I was a Mess The first 4 months. Thought id Never survie it.*
*Just Learn and seek advice like you are doing. Your a Good Mommy**
*Nickee in Pa**


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## KCY

vinhle68 said:


> Hi Karen
> 
> This remind me so much of Biscuit! We too didn't train him right at the beginning and both Mommy and Daddy spoiled him silly. We didn't socialize him much at all so he shy away from socializing with other dogs, actually I think Biscuit doesn't think he's a dog! LOL.... He also have serious separation anxiety if we leave him alone by himself just for mearly minutes. He Barks and Growls, and when we come home finally he whines too!
> 
> Bless you for trying to find answers as it show how much you love Angelo! I think you have receive some sound advice there on finding a private trainer! Goodluck and keep us posted on any new development!
> 
> By the way! Angelo looks adorable and cute! Please post more pics of Angelo!



Oh yes he does the same except he loves to see other dogs and play with them. It just the noise that scares him.. 

Sounds like you love Biscuit too! they definitely stole our hearts.. and thank you so much. will definitely post more pics.


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## Kathleen

KCY said:


> What exactly is rescue remedy? Is that some kind of training?


Rescue Remedy is drops that you can give for stress or anxiety. It is made from flower essences, sort of like us drinking chammomile tea when we are stressed out. It seems that most people have good luck with it. 
Here is a desciption and reviews - 
Bach Rescue Remedy Dog Cat Flower Essences

The dropcam sounds really neat, but I think I would get nothing done at work because I would be watching all day!


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## KCY

Kathleen said:


> Hi Karen,
> Little Angelo is so cute! It sounds like maybe he needs to build up his confidence. I agree with others that if you haven't already taken him to puppy kindergarten or basic obedience classes, that is a great place to start. It definitely makes them more confident, and helps build the bond between you. It also helps with socialization. There are lots of positive reinforcement based training classes. Be careful to avoid the dominance based training. We took some really good classes at our local SPCA. Here is a link to find a certified trainer from the Certification Counsel of Professional Dog Trainers (CCPDT):
> Finding Help
> 
> Also, since it sounds like he is home while you are at work, you could try playing with him for a while before you leave. I get up 1/2 hour early to play with Daisy and Max. They need to be tuckered out before I leave for the day! I do the same thing at night too. They are less stressed out when they are tired.
> 
> You could also do an internet search to read more about separation anxiety. I faced this recently with our Lhasa, Buddy. You can try to desensitize them to your leaving by repeatedly leaving for a minute and then coming back, and gradually increasing the time gone. We also tried Rescue Remedy and the Thundershirt (which didn't seem to work for us, but seems to work well for some) and the plug in pheremones (DAP) which did really seem to help. After about a month, he got over it and now is fine.
> 
> I would definitley try to work things out now, while he is still young, before they really become ingrained habits.
> Hang in there! Angelo is probably going through an adjustment phase, and I think there are things you can do to help. You are a good mom for worrying about him and wanting him to be happy.


Hi Kathleen, Thank you so much. so funny because yesterday, I went upstairs to the bedroom and stayed there for 5 minutes. My husband was asking what I was doing. I told him that it's not good to take him everywhere I go in the house. I should leave him a bit and then go back. I should do this more often and longer so he will get use to it. I will take your advise and get up earlier, 6 instead of 6:30 and play with him a lot longer. I do however, play with him at night since I have more time.. best part of my day!  

Sorry to hear you had the same issue but happy to know it worked out after all. Gives me hope.


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## CloudClan

Dominance theory has been widely discredited as a method of dog training by the veterinary behavioral scientists:Position Statements & Handouts (for the public) | AVSAB

A news report that shows why so many have issues with Milan: 
Are the Dog Whisperer's methods harmful ? - YouTube


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## pammy4501

And please be aware that products like Rescue Remedy are not a solution for behavioral problems. It is for very limited use during stressful situations that are short lived. When someone has an anxiety prone dog, drugging it isn't a solution. Training with positive reinforcement methods, patience, love and consistency is the solution. There just isn't an easy button or pill to fix this problem.


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## Super3*k

*I agree...*



nwyant1946 said:


> *Crap, I just downloaded a couple of Cesar Millan's book... Oh well, they are entertaining if nothing else. I've noticed he talks only about very large dogs...never addresses the smaller lapdogs very much.*


I am so happy that it was said that the Ceaser Miilan books are crap..I too have them all..they make me feel like a failure..like it is all up to me to keep all my emotions in check 100% of the time or my puppy will imitate. Well if I could get my emotions in check and be the absolute best human..I would...I try..everyday. I think with more experience comes more knowledge and then we make better decisions.
I decided after Kirby came home to put the books down and be present and do my best with what is right in front of me. If I know I did my best I cannot feel guilty for not being the perfect pack leader. Still working on it! :blink:


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## preisa

Sounds like good thinking to me...that is all we can ever do..our best! I am sure you will figure it out! 


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## JudithPremierMaltese

Do you leave TV or radio on for him? I think no matter the age of the dog it is good to get them out in public. Comfort him but carry on with ride in cart at dog store, Lowes etc. Let folks pet hold him, ones you feel you can trust. Don' act scared yourself and he will sense the confidence you have. Never give up and love that baby!!!!


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## KCY

Great news! I just walked him and he did great! I think because my husband came with me and he was just so happy to have both of us. Just like a family. Walked for a good 30 minutes around the neighborhood. Now the weather is getting nicer, all three of us will do it every weekend. I just can't believe the difference from yesterday. Wouldn't even leave the front of the house. :chili::aktion033:


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## mommys lil rocky boy

Hi, just thought id jump in on this one, because my lil rocky
Has at times severe separation anxiety, but only to my husband, if my husband goes outside to work in the garage rocky will run from front door to back door over and over and literally cry sometimes the entire time his daddy is out there, but it doesn't stop there, he truly becomes what seems to me nurologically problemed, don't know how else to say it, he just isn't himself, he's nervous, jerky, and seems to have just tunnel vision, he doesn't want to know anyone, when he gets like this,
His only interest is pacing and waiting . So separation anxiety is a problem for my lil guy

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## jessica-01

I add my own exhortation that you PLEASE don't take any notice of the Caesar Milan books! 

I agree with the above comments that more socialisation and a personal one-to-one behaviourist (not a trainer!) would really help you both. 

Good luck. He is adorable!!


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## WhereIsMuffy

Sylie said:


> MiMi barks to initiate play, to get my attention, to get the attention of anybody who comes to visit. For a while it was cute. It is a yap that can make your ears bleed. Lately she has been doing it every time she wants a cookie. Three days ago she started arfing at me to my wits end. Finally, I lost it at screamed at her to shut up. I screamed louder than her arfing. Well, my poor baby looked like she had been totally stricken. But, guess what? The horrible high pitched arfing stopped. Three days and no beasty arfing. I felt so bad, because she looked like I had smacked her in the face. But it worked. That ear splitting arfing is in the past.



LOLOLOL this post cracked me up so hard.


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## Simon Says

Could be worse, I guess. My Maltese is also 10 months and he seems almost too confident. His body stands erect any time he hears a noise, sees a person, dog, etc and if they get too close he barks like a maniac and even tried to bite at this sweet lab mix that just sat there, not provoking him. I worked with my Maltese a ton on his confidence when he was young and could find no options to work with him on socialization due to vaccinations and trainers advising me not to take him to dog parks. Now I regret it because before he was OK with dogs and went up to them when he was 4mo-8mo, let them sniff him, but now he seems to hate them, or wants to awkwardly play/fight or something.

Work with your boy on positive reinforcement training if he's not too scared to take treats and start a little bit at a time. Reward him for walking near the stairs if that scares him, for walking near the door, down the steps, out in the grass, etc. Stay calm and give him lots of praise. My boy used to be so scared of the steps and hated going outside because of the noises but I just kept praising and giving treats and now he loves it! If you can tell he's feeling overwhelmed, stay calm, call him a good boy, go back inside, and keep trying. 

He'll get better  it may take more time because he's a bit older but just stay persistent.


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## Gigi

KCY said:


> barking
> walks
> separation anxiety
> 
> When I got my pup at 4 months, it was so easy. Hardly barked and loved going outside. Now at 10 months, barking is excessive, afraid to go outside and howls when I leave. I guess it's my fault because I loved the fact that he followed me everywhere in the house. I played with him when he would carry his toy and drop it in front of me. It was just so cute. Now I'm reading I should initiate and ignore when he does it especially when he barks. I understand that I should be the pact leader but just like a child, you give in and want to spoil them. Also, I work full time that I love giving him all the attention when I get home and weekends. I actually got a dropcam and I can see and hear him using my iPhone when I leave. Boy there' days he howls/whines for 30 minutes. I also notice when I am not giving him attention, he quietly whines. I feel so bad. As for the walking, he heard a loud stupid motorcycle and he just wanted to go back inside. Think that scarred him. I've even given him treats to lure him but just doesn't work.
> 
> Sorry this is long. I'm just overwhelmed and frustrated. He is a happy and thank God healthy.. I so want to be a good Mom.... And I know he's only a pup and will get better. Does it??



Hello! I definitely understand the struggle of ignoring and not giving in to their cuteness. As long as you carve out time to play and walk don't feel bad when you want some you time to read, or relax. I have a little pup still and he is stuck to me like glue, throughout the day I purposefully/planned ignore certain behaviors while I am working at my computer or relaxing. I started this with 
one word/ minimal word combos with a mono tone for commands. Completely disengaging any eye contact and physical contact when you mean business. The very minute he complies with any command, I look at him and give a quick mono tone praise ("good boy" "thank you") and disengage right after. Its a repetitive road ....very! Just pick some key words that work for you and say nothing else. They want your attention, yes but they cannot run the roost, they will comply for their family and people they love because they know you will make play time. Find the balance.

Some examples of situations and words I have stuck with since about 8weeks old: Tone and body language is everything 
1. When afraid to be outside alone → "Its okay" and walk away →still barking and distracted "go potty, its okay"
2. After he goes potty and comes in→I squat and say "good boy, you went potty" gentle head rub get up walk away/continue on with what you were doing. 
3. Hyper and booking it through the house → "relax"......"relax"....etc. (less is more here)
4. Excessive barking for attention or wanting to play (maybe during "you" time) → "enough" 
5. Nibbling too hard, Playing too rough→ "no bite", "gentle", "be nice"
6. If the nibble gets ya and actually hurts → retract hands, roll into fists close to body so they can reach fingers, or behind back→ "you hurt mommy", "you hurt ....." (he will immediately calm and give a kiss and continue to play calmly after. 
7. When playtime is just needed and I am unable to at that time→ "get your toys", "where's ......Mr fox"...or whatever. I usually will walk him to his toy and he will occupy himself playing for quite a bit.

Anyways you may very well be doing this I just wanted to share in hopes it helps ya a bit. My pup Raider recognizes all these phrases and words because of consistency and it's astonishing how bright they are. Once you fiddle out time to play and give them attention on and off through the day, they actually look to follow commands quite willingly. Sometimes we do "tricks for treats" and the reward is exactly as stated. Other times he will play fetch and want to do those tricks for me in order for me to throw his ball (no treat involved.) I see he is showing me his ability to remember and impress me for a quick praise now.


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