# i need some good thoughts



## dr.jaimie (Mar 23, 2004)

I wasn't going to ask...but I am in need....



I'm going through a rough time in right now and I'm having trouble getting through it. i havent been posting much b/c i've been so down. please keep me in ur thoughts, that things will work out for me. you guys are all a wonderful support system, and i'm so glad to have all of u!


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## puppymom (Jun 13, 2005)

Jamie, 
Hang in. You have gone through a tremendous life change with graduation moving and starting a new job where you have a huge amount of responsibility. I am not suprised that it has "hit" you. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!







You are an incredibly smart caring person who is LOVED AND ADMIRED BY ALL!!!!! Everyone, EVERYONE here is HERE for you. What ever is going on, what ever you are facing, you have friends here.

You can do it GIRL~






























Sending positive energy your direction.


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## dr.jaimie (Mar 23, 2004)

i wish it were my job..but that is going great....


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## angelsugar (Apr 22, 2006)

*Hi J!
I am behind ya....it will work out in the end. The hard part is the thinking and the anxiety.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. You are one terrific human bean.
















In Friendship,
Angel*


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## momtoboo (Jan 30, 2006)

[attachment=8659:attachment]


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## Brinkley & Neyland's Mom (Jun 14, 2004)

I love ya!


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## puppymom (Jun 13, 2005)

> i wish it were my job..but that is going great....[/B]


Sometimes when you are under alot of stress, and even GOOD changes cause stress, it makes everything harder to handle. One day at a time!


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## bellaratamaltese (May 24, 2006)

*Hugs you*

If you ever need anybody to talk to, I'm just a PM away


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## wagirl98665 (Jan 5, 2006)

I'm so sorry that you're going through a rough time right now. I hope whatever it is, personal or professional that you'll soon have it resolved and feel better.










PS. I didn't read this thread far enough before I posted, but everything will workout in time. Be positive if you can and keep that frown







upside down.







Everything will be alright, you'll see.


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## k/c mom (Oct 9, 2004)

I'm so sorry that you are going through hard times. I'm glad you have turned to SM for support... we're here for you.


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## Carol Ann (Dec 5, 2004)

Jaimie, I'm so sorry you're going through a crappy patch.







Whatever is going on, know that we are all here for you - ALWAYS! You've got lots of friends and support. You will be in my thoughts and prayers for as long as you need them.





















Also....here for you if you want/need to talk. Anytime.


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## Bonnie's Mommie (Mar 2, 2006)

Jaimie, you're a great person and I know that whatever is troubing you will work itself out for the best. In the meantime, know that you've got a load of friends here at SM pulling for you and sending positive vibes your way. Keep your chin up, my friend.



Hugs and Love-

Linda


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## kab (Apr 11, 2005)

Jamie,














I hope it all works out.


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## Gemma (Jan 19, 2006)

I had no idea , what a friend I am huh? hey everyone lets chat tomorrow and you will feel much better, I promise.


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## 3Maltmom (May 23, 2005)

Jaimie ~ You hang in there, Girlfriend. As others have stated, change is hard on everyone. God Bless You.

I agree with Sher, I'm relieved you came to SM. We are here for you


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## I found nemo (Feb 23, 2006)

Jaimie,

What is wrong? I want you to feel better, I always feel like crapola(who am I kidding), even though I'm a "Ding-Bat







" I am still a good listener and I don't have a big mouth either. So if you need me I'm here..Just so you know















Andrea~


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## Cathy (Mar 19, 2006)

You've been there for so many on this list.....now it's your turn to get big warm hugs and support from the group.









Life is tough at times but you'll get through this. We're here for ya.....one day at a time.

Cathy


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## Scoobydoo (May 26, 2005)

Jaimie, you have all my best thoughts and prayers that all will work out for you, just hang in there and know that we are all here for you
















Janet


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## SassyLuv (Mar 9, 2006)

One of my co-workers remined me of two things this morning. 1. God never gives us more than we can bear. 2. This too shall pass. I really needed to hear those words and know that God is there with me at all times. I too am going thru a very rough time right now. Mine is mostly job related and have very seriously considered quitting. But they pay me very good and I definetly can't afford a cut in payright now. But my mental health is definetly suffering. In other words, I feel like I'm close to the breaking point. Having a friend understand and be there for you is very important. I know you have so many people on this forum that care so much for you. I haven't been on the forum very long and don't know you very well, but what I do know from reading your posts is that you are a very caring, giving person, sensitive to the needs of others. Please know that I am praying for you and hope whatever you are going through will work itself out soon.


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## jude'n'jools (Apr 6, 2006)

Chin up, you can & will get through this bad patch.

Life Poem

© By Erica M. Sies

Sometimes I wonder if I'm where I'm supposed to be,
or if I'm who I'm supposed to be...
I wonder what this life has in store for me.

Sometimes I feel sure of what I want and where I'm to go,
Other I feel lost and try not to let it show.

I live my life from day to day,
and love everything in every single way.

But sometimes at night I lay and stare,
and hope for answers through answered prayers.

Do I go left or should I choose right,
the roads are as dark as a moonless night.

I hesitate not because I am scared,
and not even because I am unprepared.

I sit an ponder which road to choose,
simply because I don't want to loose.

To make the wrong choice would be hardest to bare,
or is that God's intensions...a double dare.

A dare to take the road less traveled,
and risk the road chosen to become unraveled.

Although it may seem like the road is too slick,
doesn't us taking it make it the right road to pick?

So then we must wonder is there a right and wrong path,
or simply 2 different ways for us to do the math.

However we add it, it equals the same,
but the method used to get there is what makes the game.

So although I feel lost from time to time,
I take great comfort in the fact that the choice is all mine.

I can choose to go left, or I can choose to go right,
either way in the end there's a golden light.

So although we may wonder which path to choose,
we must remember in life we have nothing to loose.

Whichever choice we make, A or B, the one we choose is meant to be.

So instead of trying to force life to fit, just let life happen and enjoy it.

It's going to work at its own pace, life is a journey not a race.

So sit back and enjoy this precious gift,
and when the gears need changed don't hesitate to shift!


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## Dove (Feb 12, 2006)

I will keep you in my thoughts and hope that things are looking up for you real soon...If you ever want to talk just pm or email me I will always be there for you.


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## msmagnolia (Sep 8, 2004)

Try real hard to concentrate on the positives in your life and there are some nice positives right now. Hang in there, my friend!


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## hambys97 (Feb 25, 2005)

Jaimie,
You have more friends who will support you here than i think you realize. You are a wonderful person who deserves only wonderful things. No matter what life throws your way, you will come out a stronger, more wonderful person. Just remember to give lots of hugs and kisses to Parker and Pixel. They make everything better don't they?








Anytime u need me, u got my number, email, im, and if you need n e thing else to get in touch just let me know and i'll give it to u. I don't want u to ever feel like u don't have someone to talk to.
Please just remember:
<span style="font-family:Comic Sans Ms">I LOVE U!!!</span>


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## HappyB (Feb 28, 2005)

Jaimie, 
I'm here for you too. You know life and friends is like a see saw, sometime you are up and sometime you are the one holding the other end up. Well, right now, you have an army of people here who love you who will hold you up as long as you need us.


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## kwaugh (May 8, 2006)

> Jaimie,
> I'm here for you too. You know life and friends is like a see saw, sometime you are up and sometime you are the one holding the other end up. Well, right now, you have an army of people here who love you who will hold you up as long as you need us.[/B]



Ditto that. 

Sorry to hear that you are going through such a tough time. Will be thinking of you and sending positive thoughts your way.










Karyn


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## suzimalteselover (Mar 27, 2006)

My thoughts are with you now...everything will work out, and everything happens 
for a reason. Take care!


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## mwend (Dec 27, 2005)

Hey Jaimie - you are in my prayers. From one person going through an TREMEDOUS amount of personal CRAP to another - we'll hold each other up - ALL of us in this forum and come out on the other side new!

One saying I love that helps me is:

"If God brought you to it, God will get you through it!"

I also hold on to this bible verse - one of my favorites:

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned, and flame will not scorch you. For I am Yahweh your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior....Isaiah 43:2-3


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## CandicePK (Nov 11, 2004)

My dear Jamie







I truly hope that whatever issues you are struggling with you can resolve in a way that will make you happy and help you to grow. You have done so much for so many in this community, we are all pulling for you.


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## zsazsasmom (Nov 1, 2004)

> i wish it were my job..but that is going great....[/B]



That was my first thought, that you were having a rough time with such a change. Im glad work is going good for you. When my husband started his residency he was so frustrated with people/everything he wanted to throw in the towel, well he overcame all of that and is doing great today. So whatever it is hang in there and take it day by day. God will give you the strength, along with us at SM


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## Littlemans Mom (Apr 6, 2005)

Jaime,

I am so sorry you are going through a bad time right now














I hope it all works out very soon, you are such a caring person, you deserve the best







Give your little ones a big hug and try to think of all the good things you have, the rest will work it self out. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there........


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## dogloverx3 (Apr 14, 2006)

Jaimie , I am sorry to hear you are going through a difficult time . I hope someone as lovely as you , comes through this with flying colors . Sending positive thoughts ( and a few rubs of my lucky Lhasa ) . Sarah


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## TheButtercup (Mar 3, 2005)

jaimie honey!!!!
take comfort in knowing you --- YOU!!!! DR JAIMIE!!! --- have over 2000 personal cheerleaders here at SM! take comfort in that, know that we are all here for you and will continue to be your personal cheerleaders thru good AND bad...and back to good!

i had 4 margaritas tonight. consider one for you. cheers!
ann marie and the "dr jaimie! i wub you!!!" buttercup


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## dr.jaimie (Mar 23, 2004)

thanks for everyones well wishes....unfortunately they didnt work


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## Maria71 (Sep 25, 2005)




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## MissMelanie (Feb 13, 2006)

*Dear Jaimie,*



*So often life seems very "unfair" and we are forced to deal with things we never would wish to. In everything there is a chance to "learn"... I hope this is something you can focus on soon. You are too wonderful to have to deal with negitive things. I wish you comfort and all thing as wonderful as you are!*



*Melanie*


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## carrie (Aug 24, 2004)




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## Furbaby's Mommie (Jul 10, 2004)

Dear Jaimie,

I'm sorry hon, don't let it get you down. Life can really be a bowl of s*&t instead of cherries! but believe an ole' grandma--things will get better. It's so hard to see the end, especially if either "end" doesn't look right. I've been to the depths, and it really does come out right in the end. Sometimes it takes a lot of hurting before it does. Like a lot of friends here, I'm here if you need a shoulder. I have raised a daughter and have 4 granddaughters---so I've had it all happen........you just have to love them through it, and you'll get through it too!









Love ya' Babe!


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## Julie718 (Feb 17, 2006)

Sorry to hear you are going through a rough time. Hang in there!


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## ddarlingfam (Mar 30, 2006)

Jamie I don't know you very well, but have always enjoyed reading your posts. Anytime someone needs help you are right their to answer any questions. From what I do know of you, you are an amazing woman who cares sooooo much for others. What an awesome quality to have. I feel so bad that you are going through a rough time. I just recently started feeling better after having my own problems. It seems that we have a plan for life and even as everything becomes what we want and have wished for there are other problems we encounter. I have no idea what is going on in your life but I hope it passes soon. My rough patch came and went for quite awhile but I know one thing if I could get through you can too. If you ever need someone to talk to, I am always available








Amber


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## Maidto2Maltese (Oct 19, 2004)

Jamie,
I am sorry you are going thru a funk in your life right now. I am considerably older than you, and believe me, over those many years... I have more than a few of those. It is only in retrospect can I see most of them turned out to be things that in the end worked out in my best interest. The others apparently were of little importance for I see little or no impact affecting my life.
I know, however that at the time...nobody could have convinced me of that at the time. At the time I could only see that things were seemingly not going in the way I felt I wanted or that they should be. 
Some things worked out as I was hoping/wishing..some did not... yet in the big picture, the outcome was what , in the end, what helped me be a stronger, better person... and in some cases once accepted and layed to rest.. allowed other doors opened to me that I'd likely have never even seen. I look back and realized I did not know what other things the future held for me. 
Whatever is bringing you down, and whatever the outcome.. know you will come out "OK" on the other end. Focus on all the positive things in your life... Your are an intelligent, caring, and very special person. You have great job that you apparently love. You have an abundant amount of friends who truly care about you. You have a bright and fruitful future ahead of you.
Though things at the moment may seem to not be falling into place as you wish. If it a circumstance over which you have no control.. then you must 'trust' and ride it out for it is wasted energy and an emotional drain to agonize over something for which there is nothing you can do anyway. If you could.. then you'd be on it and that would be th end of it.
In the end...things may just work out as you want....but if not.. know it is because around that corner that you cannot see..God has bigger and better plan for you.
Will be praying that you can come to that place of self-confidence that this experience has a reason for being as it is at the moment. To trust that whatever the outcome... it will ,in the end, be 'A-OK"


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## Gregswife (Mar 6, 2006)

Dear Jaimie, I cannot even count the times that you have been there for us in the past and rest assured, we will be here for you now. I am sorry that things are not going your way right now. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make everything perfect for you, because you deserve it more than anyone, but as we all know, I cannot do that. All I can do is lift you up in prayer and ask God to work out whatever is causing you conflict and to give you peace and comfort regarding the situation. As others have said, I am only a pm away if you ever need to talk. You have helped me so many times and I would be more than happy to return the favor. You are truly a wonderful person and I hope everything works out for you the way you want it to.


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## dr.jaimie (Mar 23, 2004)

i dont think i will be around for a while..if u guys need me send me a PM


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## Maltese Adora-Belle (Jan 23, 2005)

Jaimie, I'm so sorry to hear that you are dealing with something so troubling to you. Please know that I will be praying for you. You are such a great, caring, loving and unselfish person that I am praying that whatever it is will in the end be for your best interest even though right now it is so painful. Please know that you are loved and valued by all of us here and there isn't anything we will not do for you so continue to call on us. We love you sooo much. Hang in there and take care!







Love ya, Jackie & Belle


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## Teddyandme (Feb 6, 2005)

> *Dear Jaimie,*
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I agree totally Melanie - Life sometimes throws things at us Jamie that we say we could never handle...but when all is said and done we find out that we are stronger and have learned so much for having gone through them. I know it is hard sometimes to go to the other side..but whatever the problem is...you can handle it.

My favorite Bible Passage is "I can do all things through Christ who Strengthens me" Phil 4:13 Sometimes I use it as a montra and it has gotten me through some rough times. 

Be strong.


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## Furbabymom (Dec 17, 2004)

Your friend, Susan</span>









> i dont think i will be around for a while..if u guys need me send me a PM
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## ddsumm (Jan 26, 2006)

> I wasn't going to ask...but I am in need....
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 

Dearest, dearest Jaimie,



I know what you are talking about and I just hope that it will resolve it self. I wont go into details here, but if you want to pm you can or email me.



When I go to church tonight I will ask Our Lord to help you and guide you.



You have to talk about it though. I know it is hard. But you must. 



Sending lots and lots of hugs, woofs, tail wags, nose wicks and anything else that will help you through this trying time.



You are a special person to ALL of us here on SM. And no one wants to see you going through this rough patch.



Dede and Chloe from down under


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## ddarlingfam (Mar 30, 2006)

Jamie I'm really worried about you, please find a friend to talk to about your problems. The last thing you want is to be alone.








Amber


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## Carla (Aug 30, 2005)

Oh, Jaimie, I am so concerned for you. I wish there was a magic potion to make all the hurt and pain go away for you. I do know through experience that eventually you will be able to get past this and enjoy life again.

Please don't completely withdraw and let us help you. You have always been here for us and it's time for us to help you. Please let us help.









Carla & Shotzi


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## thelittlepet (Apr 18, 2006)

Jaimie,
I have had some really tough times myself. Hubby and I have had some rough times and I have alot of trouble with family, you are not alone. Lean on us. You are a wonderful person with an amazing love for animals and that makes you a hero.
Aimee


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## cindy6755 (Mar 20, 2005)

Cindy


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## triste (Aug 30, 2004)

Kiddo..I'm sorry I had to log off last night but my meds kicked in and I wasn't able to focus and would have been of no help. I'm going to be around later today. If I know you..you'll be peeking at the board today anyway. Keep your chin up...things don't always work out the way we want them to (God knows I've had tons of experience in that department) but in the end, you'll prevail because you ARE stronger than you think. One day at a time my friend....and you know I'll always always always ALWAYS be here for you.







You have many friends who love you, just let us carry you through this if you can't handle it right now.


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## thinkpink (Sep 25, 2004)

I'm sorry things aren't going well right now. I hope things take a turn for the better very soon!


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## hambys97 (Feb 25, 2005)

Jaimie,
I think you can see you have a HUGE amount of support here on this board, if only you will take it. I think withdrawing from the board right now would be a mistake. You share what you feel comfortable sharing, but don't feel alone in this situation, because there is no way anyone here is going to let you be alone.

Love You!


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## k/c mom (Oct 9, 2004)

Jaimie, I only wish I had had something like SM when I was going through a bad situation many years ago. Sharing my thoughts with my friends was the biggest help. I hope you will take advantage of us!!


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## Harley & Dakotas Mum (Jun 11, 2005)

This may not make you feel better right now, but just remember, you WILL come out of this rough patch at the other end, and you will learn from it ..... it's what life's all about, learning.

And there's always Karma ..... you dedicate yourself to helping others, so you're owed BIG time! - all the good you do will come back to you!!


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## jude'n'jools (Apr 6, 2006)

Jaimie, you just cannot be inactive on SM.

We need those pics of Pixel tomorrow


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## Cosy (Feb 9, 2006)

The best advice ever given to me was "take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time".

Time has a way of healing all wounds and life will be even better for the pain you went 

through. Without mistakes we do not learn.


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## sassy's mommy (Aug 29, 2005)

Try to keep your thoughts on the positives around you and make sure that decisions are good for you. You are number 1 and you have to look after yourself and your own future. We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers. I am here if you need me. Take care dear friend. ~Pat and Sassy


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## Carol Ann (Dec 5, 2004)

Jaimie, whatever is going on, you _will_ be ok in the end. Getting through it may be rough, but you have a plethora of friends and support at SM to be there for you during the "ride". We've got your back, whatever you need. Just don't forget to let people help you; needing help doesn't mean you are not strong. It means you've earned all the love and respect from people who care very much about you, and want to give back and be there to help when YOU need it.


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## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

Jaimie, I am worried about you, you need us now. This is the time to let your friends hold you up. Sometimes in life we struggle and try to do it all ourselves, things don't make sense, but when we stop and look around us we see those who love us and who you can trust. I know what's going on and I want you to know that I support you and that I am always always here for you.


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## mmo (Sep 4, 2004)

Jaimie
I am so sorry you are feeling down. Please remember how much loved and appreciated you are here. I`ll be praying for you, hand in there


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## mimi2 (Mar 29, 2005)

I'm sorry you're feeling so down...we are all here for you!


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## dr.jaimie (Mar 23, 2004)

thanks everyone for all ur thoughts....if u dont know, it is my marriage giving me troubles...hubby ended it online last night (yes online..such a chicken **** thing to do)..but i think he may have had second thoughts. he is on his way now and will be here in 3 hrs to talk. we will see what will happen. i have lots of friends supporting me and my parents rushed over after i called my mom last night to tell her what had happened. they drove 3 hrs just to take me to lunch at talk through things. im glad i have lots of ppl supporting me. u guys are the best.


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## zsazsasmom (Nov 1, 2004)

So sorry!!! This is what you need to sing to yourself:

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don't let show

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me

So just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Lean on me...


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## Gemma (Jan 19, 2006)




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## jude'n'jools (Apr 6, 2006)

> thanks everyone for all ur thoughts....if u dont know, it is my marriage giving me troubles...hubby ended it online last night (yes online..such a chicken **** thing to do)..but i think he may have had second thoughts. he is on his way now and will be here in 3 hrs to talk. we will see what will happen. i have lots of friends supporting me and my parents rushed over after i called my mom last night to tell her what had happened. they drove 3 hrs just to take me to lunch at talk through things. im glad i have lots of ppl supporting me. u guys are the best.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Jaimie, some things have a funny way of working itself out. A marriage is not a marriage without its troubles.

Take care & you'll know what to do for the best


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## precious paws (Jun 7, 2006)

Hi, I'm new here. I understand this a personal thread, but I wanted to let you know I'm hoping everything turns out the way you want it to. Please take care of yourself.


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## Carol Ann (Dec 5, 2004)

Jaimie, this may sound trite AND stupid, but I've come to believe that if something is meant to happen, it will happen. If it doesn't work out, then it wasn't meant to be, and another door will open for you, and what WAS meant to be, will happen. Sometimes it doesn't seem fair, or right at the time, but there is a reason you may not be able to see in the moment. If things DO work out, then this will be a growth and learning experience, and both of you must see to it that positive comes out of the pain, and your hurt should give way to tighter bonds and deeper understanding. Either way this turns out, you are strong, you are special, and you are well-loved.







Good luck!


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## TheButtercup (Mar 3, 2005)

> Jaimie.... Either way this turns out, you are strong, you are special, and you are well-loved.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


i think we ALL can second that!























we love you, girl! take care of YOU, my friend.

ann marie and the buttercup, who continue to send positive wishes and happy thoughts (and some laffs when you least expect them!!!!)


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## Brinkley & Neyland's Mom (Jun 14, 2004)




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## mmo (Sep 4, 2004)

Sometimes i HATE the internet. Jaimie, girl, i hope everything turns out for the best, specially for you. You are such an amazing human being, we love you very very much


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## momtoboo (Jan 30, 2006)

I'm very sorry for your marriage problems.I know that can be very painful.Hang in there though.Nothing stays the same forever,not even the bad times.Be strong,you will rise above it & shine.


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## kab (Apr 11, 2005)

> thanks everyone for all ur thoughts....if u dont know, it is my marriage giving me troubles...hubby ended it online last night (yes online..such a chicken **** thing to do)..but i think he may have had second thoughts. he is on his way now and will be here in 3 hrs to talk. we will see what will happen. i have lots of friends supporting me and my parents rushed over after i called my mom last night to tell her what had happened. they drove 3 hrs just to take me to lunch at talk through things. im glad i have lots of ppl supporting me. u guys are the best.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



That sounds just like something my parents would do. You will always be their little girl.








I hope you and your husband can work thru your problems.


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## Char-Luv-4-Maltese (Feb 26, 2005)

[attachment=8759:attachment] 
I hope things get worked out want to let you know I am thinking of you and praying that things are working out better for you today.


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## Sanvean (May 17, 2004)

and prayers


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## eyespy (Jan 31, 2006)




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## Furbabymom (Dec 17, 2004)

*Your friend, Susan*</span>









> thanks everyone for all ur thoughts....if u dont know, it is my marriage giving me troubles...hubby ended it online last night (yes online..such a chicken **** thing to do)..but i think he may have had second thoughts. he is on his way now and will be here in 3 hrs to talk. we will see what will happen. i have lots of friends supporting me and my parents rushed over after i called my mom last night to tell her what had happened. they drove 3 hrs just to take me to lunch at talk through things. im glad i have lots of ppl supporting me. u guys are the best.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## MissMelanie (Feb 13, 2006)

*Jaimie, I am sure, the upset and pain you have been feeling lately, is not anything like you have had ever. Take a close look at me... I am living proof, you can come out on the other side, alive and intact, if that is the course you do end up taking.*



*Otherwise, there is work ahead and I am so happy to know you have not only all the friends here but such a good support group with you. What a wonderful family you have.*



*We care about you!*

*Melanie*


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## jenn (Apr 19, 2006)

I hope things work out. It helps to have friends and family that love and support you. Sending warm wishes your way. Jenn


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## msmagnolia (Sep 8, 2004)

I am trying to keep up with this thread but am having "steal" wireless from a neighbor and it comes and goes. Jaimie, hold your head up high, now matter what. You have a bright future ahead of you and two beautiful dogs to give you comfort. If things don't work out with David, you WILL get through this. Do you see how many people care about you???


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## jude'n'jools (Apr 6, 2006)

Thinking about you this morning, hope all is well!


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## journey (Feb 8, 2006)

> Jaimie, this may sound trite AND stupid, but I've come to believe that if something is meant to happen, it will happen. If it doesn't work out, then it wasn't meant to be, and another door will open for you, and what WAS meant to be, will happen. Sometimes it doesn't seem fair, or right at the time, but there is a reason you may not be able to see in the moment. If things DO work out, then this will be a growth and learning experience, and both of you must see to it that positive comes out of the pain, and your hurt should give way to tighter bonds and deeper understanding. Either way this turns out, you are strong, you are special, and you are well-loved.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I believe this too! Jaimie, my thoughts and prayers are with you. - Karen


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## Edwinna (Apr 21, 2006)

Good Morning,
I hope you have some inner peace now and things are heading in the direction that you want. If not, you have everyone here to see you through the good and bad.


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## felicity (Jun 19, 2006)

i know iv'e only just joined and i don't know you that well but i hope everything turns out well for you.

you will be in my thoughts and prayers












felicity


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## k/c mom (Oct 9, 2004)

[attachment=8787:attachment]


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## sassy's mommy (Aug 29, 2005)

Just checking in on you this morning girlfriend. Hope you are feeling stronger today. We grow and mature in our "life valleys" I know you will find your way through this trying time. Make the decisions work for your best interest. We continue to send warm thought your way.


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## Scoobydoo (May 26, 2005)

Jaimie, I just want to say that I hope all is well with you this morning and that no matter what path your life takes from now on you will always have your friends here








My positive thoughts and prayers are with you Jaimie


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## thelittlepet (Apr 18, 2006)

Jaimie, 
thinking of you this morning. know that you are not alone.
Aimee


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## PreciousPrince (Feb 27, 2006)

Jaimie I really hope things went well with your husband last night--keeping you in thoughts and prayers.


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## Maltese Adora-Belle (Jan 23, 2005)

Just checking in on you Jaimie. You are still in my prayers and my thoughts of you continue to come throughout the day as I continue to hold you up in prayer and wish God's best for a very special young lady. Can't help but love you and continue to remember your kindness and love for all of us. That love is here for you. Please let us know how u are doing and if you need anything.


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## hambys97 (Feb 25, 2005)

Just want you to know that we are thinking of you Jaimie.


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## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

Jaimie I thought about you all last night,wondering how things were going. I prayed for you before I went to sleep. It's 9:00 am. and as you can see you are still on my heart. love ya.


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## Maidto2Maltese (Oct 19, 2004)

Jamie,
Praying that this upset in your life is just one of the bumps in the marriage journey. I hope you and your hubby can work thru this.. that you BOTH can kindle the spark that made you fall in love with each other in the first place. I pray you BOTH can get yourselves back to that place and start anew with a new found love and respect for one another.
I say 'Both" because it has to be just that... "both" wanting and willing to make it work. If it is not to be... it will be a difficult change in your life for some time.... but still one that can be dealt with.


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## jude'n'jools (Apr 6, 2006)

Anyone heard from Jaimie today?

Jaimie, hopeing everything is OK! Let us know how you are doing!


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## Gregswife (Mar 6, 2006)

Jaimie, I sincerely hope that your visit with David yesterday brought some clarity to the situation, one way or another. If the end result was that you would both start on a journey apart from each other, I know you will make the best of it. You are a strong woman and you have a great support system. I know it won't be easy, but girl, I have no doubt you will emerge on the other side wiser and stronger. If the decision was to try again, I wish you all the best and I will be pulling for you. Either way, you will remain in my thoughts and prayers. I am glad your parents are close enough to be there for you in this difficult time.


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## NewMom328 (Apr 15, 2005)

Oh Jaimie, I just saw this. I hope that everything works out for you. I'm sorry you are going through a tough time.


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## Gemma (Jan 19, 2006)

Hi Jamie, I have some bad advice again







actually it's not advice but how I feel in general and probably if it happens to me I would feel differently at the time









my opinion which maybe wrong is that I think you can't force a marriage. you will be miserable most of your life. but I do believe that things can't be rushed and time may fix problems by itself. I don't believe in the counseling and all that. I think marriage should be so easy if it was meant to be. having arguments and fights are different, that's the part that you need the time for everything to cool down but if the word divorce is in the picture that means one of you don't feel like you belong together until you are in your 90's. a good marriage is when even during the most heated arguments the word divorce would not even cross their mind. 

Please take it one day at a time, don't rush into anything. maybe you just need to be separated for a while and see what happens. If he really loves you he will miss you and will come back. give it some time.

I hope I didn't make you feel more depressed. but what you're feeling is normal and it wont last too long.


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## Carol Ann (Dec 5, 2004)

Just here this morning to let you know that you are still in my thoughts and prayers. Please know that the power of friendship, care and concern is in your corner, supporting you whatever the outcome. We will always be here for you, through good and bad.


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## MissMelanie (Feb 13, 2006)

*Dear Jaimie,*



*I wanted to echo what other's have said and let you know you are on my mind. Hope you are able to find the time to sort out all the "mess" to your desires.*



*We all care about you,*

*Melanie*


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## francine (Jan 4, 2005)

_ I just finished reading this thread and wanted to send my deepest prayers and 
well wishes your way. I am soooooo sad to hear when anyone is going through a rough
time...especially a member of SM. May you wake up each and every morning with a new
strength, new outlook on life and always remember to put yourself first! If you ever want to talk
always know we are all here for you! Even those of us you don't even "know". 

Here's a matra my yoga teacher helped me with after the death of my first husband (on 9/11). When I 
didn't think I could wake up and go on one more day.... she said it's not "One Day At A Time"... 
It's "One Breath At a Time"!

God Bless! Francine







_


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## angelsugar (Apr 22, 2006)

> Here's a matra my yoga teacher helped me with after the death of my first husband (on 9/11). When I
> didn't think I could wake up and go on one more day.... she said it's not "One Day At A Time"...
> It's "One Breath At a Time"!
> 
> ...


*What true true words!! And there is that time when one does have to hide their head under the pillows. And when one emerges.....VOILA....bits of sunshine light on their heads!!

We love ya Jaime! Hug a Malt!!*


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## dr.jaimie (Mar 23, 2004)

im here...cant say it went bad or good....after trying to end it again i convinced him to at least think about things....he said he needs more time..so more time he gets...and i sit here not knowing the future


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## mmo (Sep 4, 2004)

Be patient, if there`s nothing else you can do, just leave it in God`s hands (if you believe in Him). Try to keep your mind busy and be sure lots of people will be praying for the best. We love you Jaimie, hang in there. I am SO sorry you have to go through this


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## k/c mom (Oct 9, 2004)

> im here...cant say it went bad or good....after trying to end it again i convinced him to at least think about things....he said he needs more time..so more time he gets...and i sit here not knowing the future
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Jaimie, I don't want this to sound like I am trivializing what he is saying but that's exactly what my former husband said. They have all the power and yes ... we sit waiting for them to make their almighty decision. I have been there and I know how awful you must feel. I have lots of advice but will spare you that!!

If I can help in any way, please let me know!


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## Furbabymom (Dec 17, 2004)

Hugs, Susan & my furkidz in NJ</span>
-----------------------------------------

LadyMontava' date='Jul 2 2006, 09:35 PM: im here...cant say it went bad or good....after trying to end it again i convinced him to at least think about things....he said he needs more time..so more time he gets...and i sit here not knowing the future


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## HappyB (Feb 28, 2005)

Jaimie,

I'm sorry you and David were not able to work things out this weekend. Shar is so right about him having all the power--if you let him. You are a strong person, and you have accomplished so much in your short lifetime. You do have the strength to get through this. So...pick yourself up, go take pictures of Pixel for us because they are due, and we are waiting. Hang around on the site for a while, go fix yourself a nice bubble bath and a good drink (diet coke or something stronger), curl up in bed with your babies and plan tomorrow. Sure you are sitting there without knowing your future with David, but there is a lot in your future you do know. You can plan your day at work tomorrow. You have a lot to give there, and you are valued in your work. Plan one fun thing for yourself each day. This may be a simple as stopping for ice cream, going for a long walk with your babies, or talking with friends (and you have oodles). Concentrate on taking care of yourself. And, let all of us who love you so help you along the way.
We love you.


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## TheButtercup (Mar 3, 2005)

Jaimiebaby, we all are here hurting with you.








I can't say there has been a day I haven't cried in the last week since The Boy decided it was "over" between us. He still lives here, too. As much as I hated his reasons and decisions at the time, they ARE for the best for US. Neither of us want to resent the other 20 yrs down the road for decisions made today. We will be friendly again one day, but right now...it's so hard. I'm thinking clearer as each day goes on, but that makes it no easier








I will keep you in my prayers.







Stay strong, and remember, you can ALWAYS train a dog to pee on a man's shoes. Try to find one thing to laugh about each day. That's helping me. 

ann marie and the "we wub you Dr Jaimie!!!!!" buttercup


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## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

> Jaimie,
> 
> I'm sorry you and David were not able to work things out this weekend. Shar is so right about him having all the power--if you let him. You are a strong person, and you have accomplished so much in your short lifetime. You do have the strength to get through this. So...pick yourself up, go take pictures of Pixel for us because they are due, and we are waiting. Hang around on the site for a while, go fix yourself a nice bubble bath and a good drink (diet coke or something stronger), curl up in bed with your babies and plan tomorrow. Sure you are sitting there without knowing our future with David, but there is a lot in your future you do know. You can plan your day at work tomorrow. You have a lot to give there, and you are valued in your work. Plan one fun thing for yourself each day. This may be a simple as stopping for ice cream, going for a long walk with your babies, or talking with friends (and you have oodles). Concentrate on taking care of yourself. And, let all of us who love you so help you along the way.
> We love you.[/B]










VERY GOOD ADVISE JAIMIE. I WILL STILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU. YOU KNOW I AM ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU.


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## dr.jaimie (Mar 23, 2004)

i am off work next two days...i will take pics tomorrow..im not in the condition to do so now and pixel really isnt either


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## Carol Ann (Dec 5, 2004)

You've gotten good advice and counsel here, and you're still going to hurt until resolution one way or the other. That sucks big time. I love Ann Marie's idea of finding ONE funny thing to laugh at each day. 

I will be here thinking about you and wishing that the right thing happens for you, whatever it may be.







I just wish there was something I could do to help you.


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## mmo (Sep 4, 2004)

> Jaimiebaby, we all are here hurting with you.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Ann Marie, i didn`t know honey, i am sorry. But with your extraordinare sense of humor, you`ll be good in no time. We must never loose our sense of humor.


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## TheButtercup (Mar 3, 2005)

> You've gotten good advice and counsel here, and you're still going to hurt until resolution one way or the other. That sucks big time. I love Ann Marie's idea of finding ONE funny thing to laugh at each day.[/B]


and if i need to be the one to supply you with the laffs, Jaimie, i will! 

you have NO idea of my endless supply of elephant jokes!!!!
















i have a video to send you, it probably isnt appropriate for the board, but it is the first thing that has made me LITERALLY laugh out loud in days. sometimes "silly" is the best medicine!

to tell you how pathetic i have been this weekend... i made margaritas today, poured them in my new margarita glasses (put one in the freezer to "hold" LOL), put little umbrellas in them, made a little picnic in my apt at the coffee table, put on my bathing suit and (stopped short at applying sunscreen...) watched the orioles/braves on tv, pretended i was at the game in the outfield seats (okay, really at the chophouse bar seating area, hence, the margaritas!) getting a tan all while it rained here today. picture how stupid i looked...and THEN!!!!! and THEN!!!!!

...after sucking down the first 'rita...i went back for the second....to find it FROZEN OVER! what the...????

yup, i forgot to add the tequila.























clearly, the buttercup is in charge of the household brain today.


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## samsonsmom (May 4, 2005)

You know how much we all love you and trust your judgement. You're just crossed the biggest milestone of your live thus far. Be gentle with yourself. Good vibes and honest prayers of faith coming your way. Someone with your skills, knowledge but most of all compassion is a valuable in this old world. We love you.

Samsonsmom


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## msmagnolia (Sep 8, 2004)

I'm trying to keep up. Glad I got to talk to you on IM for a sec. I can't get back on right now. I had two internet connections that were unsecure and now one of them has secured it.....grrrr.....guess they are on to me. Jessica's network (whoever Jessicais) is slow, slow, slow and won't let to get on AOL. 

Hang in there and really search your soul to think about what YOU want. Maybe its David and maybe it isn't.

AnnMarie, I am sorry as can be. He still lives with you. KICK HIM OUT.

Hey Faye, I tried to get her drunk last weekend......


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## Furbaby's Mommie (Jul 10, 2004)

First I'm getting all teary reading this







, then I start reading Ann Marie and the Buttercup














. I couldn't help myself, I started laughing in spite of myself!











Jaimie, you know how I feel. I also agree with all your good advice here, and I'm glad your parents were there to help you.











Sometimes it is better to plant your own garden, then to wait for a man to bring you flowers.







I'm all for giving a marriage every chance to succeed, but you can only do so much--it does take 2.



Many hugs to ya',






















































































Dee


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## ddarlingfam (Mar 30, 2006)

I have no advice for you, as everyone here has already said anything I could possibly think of. I just want you to know that I am hoping for the best for you and your family.

Amber


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## Brinkley & Neyland's Mom (Jun 14, 2004)

Ann Marie, so sorry for your break up too, but you are HILARIOUS!








I agree with Susan, KICK HIM OUT!!









As for Jaimie, I am with Sher and Faye. Letting HIM have the power to decide SUX!








BUT, you have to feel content with your decision and the effort you put into making it work.

I will be thinking about you this week and hoping that thing work out one way or anohter. Don't let him string you around too long. It sounds like he already has made his decision.







Another person said not to force it, I agree with that too.

You have some great advice. Hugs and prayers coming your way!!!!
Love ya!


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## Maidto2Maltese (Oct 19, 2004)

Jamie...
When a "problem" crops up to this point in a marriage, it is not going to resolve in one evening. Usually it something that has built up over time. If BOTH want to work at it and Both are willing to compromise because BOTH feel it is worth the effort then it is very promising. 
However if the "burden" of compromise is placed on only one in order to make the other "happy" then that is not healthy... and in the end causes resentment and usually only postpones the innevitable... and the interim is not a truly happy environment anyway. 
I have the highest respect for marriage and am of the mindset that it is worth the effort to try to make it work. BUT it must be for the right reasons and as a team effort. 
I am one of the older 'gals' here so have seen life-experiences at many levels. I have worked with the public for many years... owning a hair salon and as you likely know people often share their most intimate details of their lives with us over even close friends and family.

I have seen where a marriage gets in trouble.. one wants out.. the other is devestated. Some work it out and come out with an even stronger bond than ever. 
Others.. well not so. However those "others"..after the dust settles.. well in truth... even the one who felt they wanted it to last.. really found they were happier after it was over. In retrospect they realized they were not really 'contented' either. The marriage in fact did not make them happy either, but they'd never have initiated the break up. 
In retrospect, was more a matter of being in a familiar place... it seemed easier than 'starting over". 
One gal told me her feeling of despair was more a feeling of "failure" . It took her time to realize it was not HER that "failed" it was her husband who was too immature to handle the responsibility of commitment and compromise well. 
One gal after a divorce and new marriage said her husband in fact did her a favor... she never would have known what a really good marriage was if her husband had not left her. She would have settled for mediocrity.

So, Jamie.. just hold true to who you are... and however this plays out... know that you will, in the end, find happiness and contentment.


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## journey (Feb 8, 2006)

> Jaimie,
> 
> I'm sorry you and David were not able to work things out this weekend. Shar is so right about him having all the power--if you let him. You are a strong person, and you have accomplished so much in your short lifetime. You do have the strength to get through this. So...pick yourself up, go take pictures of Pixel for us because they are due, and we are waiting. Hang around on the site for a while, go fix yourself a nice bubble bath and a good drink (diet coke or something stronger), curl up in bed with your babies and plan tomorrow. Sure you are sitting there without knowing your future with David, but there is a lot in your future you do know. You can plan your day at work tomorrow. You have a lot to give there, and you are valued in your work. Plan one fun thing for yourself each day. This may be a simple as stopping for ice cream, going for a long walk with your babies, or talking with friends (and you have oodles). Concentrate on taking care of yourself. And, let all of us who love you so help you along the way.
> We love you.[/B]


Great advice!


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## Scoobydoo (May 26, 2005)

Jaimie, I am so very sorry that you are going through this very sad time








My only advice is that you need to get off this emotional merry go round that your hubby has placed you on and rise above this cloud and put yourself first. You have a very bright and wonderful future ahead of you, the future that you worked so hard for and if he chooses to be part of it so be it, but if he decides to go in a different direction, it's his loss. You will feel sad and hurt, but you can overcome this time in your life and move ahead, you are an extremely talented and very compassionate and loving person and I am sure you will excel in all that you do.
You have a wealth of wonderful friends here in SM who will always be here for you, me included.

Love ya Jaimie, Janet


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## dr.jaimie (Mar 23, 2004)

I would accept all this if i knew he didnt love me ne more....but he keeps saying he does, and he doesnt know how to fix this, and he is scared it can never be like it was. he doesnt want to feel this pain ever again, and that is his reason for not wanting to try. i just dont know what to say or do


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## ddsumm (Jan 26, 2006)

> I would accept all this if i knew he didnt love me ne more....but he keeps saying he does, and he doesnt know how to fix this, and he is scared it can never be like it was. he doesnt want to feel this pain ever again, and that is his reason for not wanting to try. i just dont know what to say or do
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 

Jaimie, dearest, tell him that YOU dont want to feel this pain either. Its not as if it was all your fault.



He is a big boy, he has to make decisions. He cant go on hurting you like this.



Please, please dont take this the wrong way, but why oh why it is that men feel like they are the only ones to get 'hurt'.



I just dont understand.



He has to sit down with you and thrash this out. He cannot stick his head in the ground and expect it to 'go away'.



Unfortunately women are strong. And we end up making the decisions as to what to do. Can you go 'home' for a few days and see if you can both talk it out??



I just wish there was something that we could all do for you.



You are truly loved on SM and no one wants to see you hurting like this. We all feel like 'family' and Im sure we would all do anything for you to help you at this time.



Please, please dont shut us out.



Dede and CHloe from down under


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## 2maltese4me (May 8, 2006)

I'm so sorry for what your going through!!!!!! I hope it all works out for you!!


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## Scoobydoo (May 26, 2005)

Jaimie if he loves you that is a good start, perhaps he just needs some time alone to sort himself out and then once he has he may be ready to settle down again. There is a saying too "absence makes the heart grow fonder" I sure hope and pray this works for the both of you. You are both young and have your whole lives ahead of you. Also they say time is a good healer, so give him time and he may realize what he has and come to his senses.


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## ddarlingfam (Mar 30, 2006)

why not try counseling? Mabye their are things that have been unsaid. If both of you are having problems comunicating your feelings or thoughts to each other a therapist would help. A couple hundred dollars for a few sessions might just get everything on track again. Mabye you could take some time and each of you get your own place and you could start all over. That would be really hard but if you both still love each other mabye its what you need. I can't remember how old you are. I am 26 and have been married for 7 years. We have had huge fights and we both thought it was over. We may have even gotten a divorce if it wasn't for the fact that we still love each other. As of now things are great with us. I think sometimes it just takes awhile to figure each other out. Men and woman handle things differently and it's hard to find the comon ground. Stick with it. Marriage isn't always easy it does take work. We are only people and people make mistakes. I wish you and your husband all the luck in the world

Amber


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## dr.jaimie (Mar 23, 2004)

i have mentioned seeking professional help and he never comments on it..we never fight...we just grew apart b/c he became obsessed with a computer game and lived on it for over a yr. he thinks its been too long to be able to fix things....btw im 27..we have been together 9.5 yrs and married for 4yrs on july 29


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## k/c mom (Oct 9, 2004)

> i have mentioned seeking professional help and he never comments on it..we never fight...we just grew apart b/c he became obsessed with a computer game and lived on it for over a yr. he thinks its been too long to be able to fix things....btw im 27..we have been together 9.5 yrs and married for 4yrs on july 29[/B]


Jaimie, could he possibly have an addiction to computer games? I've read that this is now a problem with a lot of people. And that they have a true addiction and can't stop playing these computer games without professional help. Is that something that should be explored?


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## dr.jaimie (Mar 23, 2004)

hes definately addicted but i dont know how to go about getting us help when we r 4hrs apart


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## ddarlingfam (Mar 30, 2006)

> i have mentioned seeking professional help and he never comments on it..we never fight...we just grew apart b/c he became obsessed with a computer game and lived on it for over a yr. he thinks its been too long to be able to fix things....btw im 27..we have been together 9.5 yrs and married for 4yrs on july 29[/B]



yes some of the fights me and my husband got into were because of video games!!!!! Why is it the men are always boys????? If he still loves you but just think you have grown apart then the dating idea might just work. I hate to say this but mabye is curios to see what it would be like to date other people? If he suggested that would you be able to consider taking a break from you marriage so you both could see what else is out their? I am not in your situation but I do think that would be hard for any woman to accept. This is difficult cause I don't think woman should wait around for a man to decide how their life is going to go, but on the other hand I feel divorce is used way too often. I hope your family has good advice as they have been their in person to see how the two of you are together.

hugs
Amber



> hes definately addicted but i dont know how to go about getting us help when we r 4hrs apart[/B]



why do you live so far apart from each other. that would be a big problem. if you could get closer to each other that might help.


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## dr.jaimie (Mar 23, 2004)

i moved here for my job....but we wanted to make sure the job would work out b4 we moved everything and he had projects he has to complete at work so the plan was for him to move here in august..but now he may not move at all...


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## ddarlingfam (Mar 30, 2006)

Wow I am so sorry for you situation. Mabye you guys can go on a mini vacation together. I know you just started at your job but if they would give you one even mabye two days off you could drive to a resort and get a couples massage and go for a nice dinner, and just try to enjoy each other again. I know it's easy to give advice but it is so much more complicated than a massage and dinner. It's the only advice I have though.

Amber


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## CandicePK (Nov 11, 2004)

Jamie ~
Like I told you in the pm, I have been married for 19 years. I got married when I was 20. We had a rough patch after about 4-5 years which had a lot to do with me growing up. We worked through that and after if we would have an argument it was hard to communicate - especially for me. I realized now that there were other issues (mine) that were affecting our communication.

In 1999 I sought help for those issues and little by little I became a different type of person to communicate with. My husband and I never ever fight. Ever. We talk now and it's a wonderful place to be.

My point in telling you this is - try to take care of those issues. It doesn't matter if they are yours or his. Seek counseling, if he won't go - go yourself. It can help you to process a lot of whats happening. Also perhaps deal with the long distance issue. 

I also agree with our special member who asked. Why is this all about him? You are feeling this pain too. Also (perhaps you don't want to share on a public forum) *what* is this pain he doesn't want to feel again. Being addicted to a computer game has caused him pain. What about you?

Please take good care of yourself. At some point he must realize that this is turning *your* life upside down and it is *not* all about him.

((hugs)) C


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## ddarlingfam (Mar 30, 2006)

> Jamie ~
> Like I told you in the pm, I have been married for 19 years. I got married when I was 20. We had a rough patch after about 4-5 years which had a lot to do with me growing up. We worked through that and after if we would have an argument it was hard to communicate - especially for me. I realized now that there were other issues (mine) that were affecting our communication.
> 
> In 1999 I sought help for those issues and little by little I became a different type of person to communicate with. My husband and I never ever fight. Ever. We talk now and it's a wonderful place to be.
> ...



great advice


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## jude'n'jools (Apr 6, 2006)

Jaimie - i think he's played games for too long now & he thinks you are just like a computer game but he does'nt have the same control over you. He is playing games with your feelings & that is sooo wrong









If it was me i'd tell him to take a hike.

There is someone out their who will give you unconditional love & the total respect that you deserve









Tell him to grow up & sort out his feelings cause you just may not be their to pick up his pieces.








's to you. I feel for you.


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## Karen542 (May 4, 2005)

Jaimie, hang in there, Im thinking of you and also cheer up


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## HappyB (Feb 28, 2005)

Jaimie, I second that about counseling. I will tell you that when only one goes, it sometimes increases the odds that it will not get better. I trained under a wise old doctor who would always tell a couple that if only one came in, the chances of divorce may multiply. This is because one gets better and the other one stays the same. When I needed help with my marriage, I remembered this, but went to see a friend, who gave me some good advice. He told me I NEEDED a divorce, and he needed someone with an 87 IQ. Well, I didn't listen then, but many years later, I see that he was right. By the way, he was a psychiatrist who was a friend to both of us. My ex was married to his business and seeing how many millions he could make. There were other problems, but that one is still there today. He still goes to work seven days a week and is there most of his waking hours. I think what the friend told me really soaked in when, several years later, my ex remarried--on his lunch hour and went out of town with his friends the next day.
Like many otheres, I know the extent of that pain. But, looking back, I'm glad I made the decisions I did to make changes in my life, raise my children to be strong individuals, and to definitely march to a different drummer. I had family and wonderful friends during that time, and for them I'm thankful. I'm glad you feel that you can come to all of use.


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## Gemma (Jan 19, 2006)

He is not going to be happy with anyone, nobody will understand him and his games. at least you know how he is. you guys are young and if this is the only problem it will be fixed in time. he will get tired of the games one day or you may get addicted too. you should start practicing now and don't tell him and then go kick his butt in the game







he will be impressed.


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## k/c mom (Oct 9, 2004)

I've been thinking about you today. I think that the change in your lives may have brought this to a head. In my case many years ago, my former husband's beloved mother died and he went off the deep end and I think he felt that if he had a different wife, he would not feel so much pain over her loss.

I wonder if your husband thinks that if he changed his lifestyle that his addiction will end or that he would be happier with himself. You are "reality" to him and maybe he can't deal with reality right now, so this talk of a split with you is a coping mechanism.

Also, he has only known you as a student. Now you are a respected professional and maybe that is a little intimidating to him. You are an equal partner now... is he OK with that?

It truly sounds like the problem is with him and that he is using the marriage as a way to cope. I just can't help but feel that he needs some counseling... maybe by himself to get his problems sorted out.


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## dr.jaimie (Mar 23, 2004)

i sent him a link to a discussion of people that have their lives affected by a loved one addicted to online games...i also said i think we can work this out if we seek professional help. he hasnt responded to this yet, but we will see.

he has always been ok with me being the bread winner, he was looking forward to it..prob so he wouldnt have to work as hard and have more time for his stupid game.


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## Carol Ann (Dec 5, 2004)

> I wonder if your husband thinks that if he changed his lifestyle that his addiction will end or that he would be happier with himself. You are "reality" to him and maybe he can't deal with reality right now, so this talk of a split with you is a coping mechanism.
> 
> Also, he has only known you as a student. Now you are a respected professional and maybe that is a little intimidating to him. You are an equal partner now... is he OK with that?
> 
> ...


Exactly the same thing I was thinking when I read Jaimie's posts. 

I believe the answer is professional counseling. Separate or together, or even both. Even if this particular storm blows over, the underlying issues that caused it will remain without counseling.


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## Furbabymom (Dec 17, 2004)

Your friend, Susan in North NJ </span>









> i sent him a link to a discussion of people that have their lives affected by a loved one addicted to online games...i also said i think we can work this out if we seek professional help. he hasnt responded to this yet, but we will see.
> 
> he has always been ok with me being the bread winner, he was looking forward to it..prob so he wouldnt have to work as hard and have more time for his stupid game.[/B]


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## k/c mom (Oct 9, 2004)

I wonder if there is a support group for family members of people who have his type of addiction like there is for alcoholics, etc. ? Here is some info that might help give some insight in to this problem.

Here's an article about this sort of addiction from the NY Times:
Hooked On the Web

From Web MD:
Video Game Addiction - No Fun

This article has some good information - Some duplication from the Times article but offers additional info:
Help For Internet Addiction


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## Gemma (Jan 19, 2006)

I think if he is still having fun in the game it is not an addiction. or maybe I should say disorder.


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## k/c mom (Oct 9, 2004)

> I think if he is still having fun in the game it is not an addiction. or maybe I should say disorder.[/B]


Here is some info from one of the sources I listed above: WebMD

Defining Addiction

While most people associate addiction with substances, such as drugs or alcohol, doctors recognize addictive behaviors as well. In a WebMD feature on the definition of addiction, psychiatrist Michael Brody, MD, set forth the following criteria:

The person needs more and more of a substance or behavior to keep him going. 
If the person does not get more of the substance or behavior, he becomes irritable and miserable. 
Young says compulsive gaming meets these criteria, and she has seen severe withdrawal symptoms in game addicts.


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## Gemma (Jan 19, 2006)

> The person needs more and more of a substance or behavior to keep him going.
> If the person does not get more of the substance or behavior, he becomes irritable and miserable.
> Young says compulsive gaming meets these criteria, and she has seen severe withdrawal symptoms in game addicts. [/B]


Yes I can relate to that, a few years ago







now I'm just addicted to SM


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## Tanner's Mom (May 27, 2005)

Jaime, I can't say anything the others have not already said, but me 'n Tanner will be thinking about you and wish you the best.


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## LMJ (Feb 16, 2006)

Hugs and good thoughts.
Hang in there. Things will work out. They always do. Sometimes it's the way we plan and sometimes not, but they always work out.


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## HollyHobbie (Apr 12, 2005)

Jamie I pray that everything works out for the best...but remember sometimes the best doesn't mean the best right now....it means the best in the long run.

My best friend is going thru something very similiar her boyfriend/live in is also addicted to online games to the point where he just quite his job to be home to play more. 

Keep us updated and we will keep you in our prayers.


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## momtoboo (Jan 30, 2006)

I'm sorry your having a rough time right now.As with any addiction,the person with the addiction

has to want to change,you can't do it for him.If his games are more important than you & the 

marriage,you're fighting a losing battle.I have no problem with anyone enjoying computer games,

it's only a problem if it becomes the focus of a persons life.Many times the games are only a

diversion or an escape from real life & other problems.You may have to let your husband sort 

this out for himself.You have a good career,a wonderful family & friends & 2 lovable little fluffbutts.

You can make a good life for yourself with or without him.As with any longterm relationship,the

painful part is deciding on the with or without.I can't tell you what you should do,but I hope things 

work out for the best.


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## wagirl98665 (Jan 5, 2006)

> Jamie I pray that everything works out for the best...but remember sometimes the best doesn't mean the best right now....it means the best in the long run.
> 
> My best friend is going thru something very similiar her boyfriend/live in is also addicted to online games to the point where he just quite his job to be home to play more.
> 
> Keep us updated and we will keep you in our prayers.[/B]





Holly...Sounds like it's time for your best friend to kick her lazy game addicted boyfriend to the curb. It's one thing to be a responsible working, contributing household partner and play games in your spare time, but quite another when you actually quit your job in order to make more time for your addiction, while someone else has to work to suppost your lazy a..! That is so wrong.


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## Maidto2Maltese (Oct 19, 2004)

I'm not sure if I recall correctly.. but the number one step has to be that he recognizes it as an addiction. If that is in denial... anything else is fruitless.
However there has to be line of communication before anything at all can be accomplished one way or another. 
Also.. often a wrong/right approach is "accusatory" and it only cause a wall or barrier . I think the main thing is to let him know ( yes he has an addiction..that has been already established) and to express just how that hurts and makes you feel.
Normally, the most productive line of communication is expressing how one feels when the other person does this or that 
Saying "you do this..or you do that" or "you don't do this or you don't do that" ( especially in anger or accusatory tone) often simply gets 'blocked out" by the other person as they immediately put up their 'defense"... and hours of 'talk" can go nowhere. 
However, If one says...WHEN you do this or that... it makes me feel ...( whatever the actual feeling may be) .
I know from the outside looking in it.. and since we ll care so much about you... I know the knee-jerk reaction is say "forget about him and go on. BUT, the very important 'ingredient" that is missing is the fact you love him and he seems to love you. Dealing with the affairs of the heart is so much more complicated .
As someone posted earlier.. it is good to read thru... the "support" alone is a very important part of the process you are going thu. Then the 'suggestions".. many very very good ones.. but only you know what may or may not be a help to you.
Jamie.. regardless... we care about you and want the best for you!


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## dr.jaimie (Mar 23, 2004)

well ur right about the wrong approach to being accusatory..he just denied being addicted and stormed off


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## Maidto2Maltese (Oct 19, 2004)

Ahh Jamie I'm sorry
.. but ya know.. you may be having an 'enlightening-experience" with all this. You may be starting to see a whole new side to your hubby surfacing... that you didn't see before. You might surprise yourself and find maybe this needs to be re-evaluated.. as to how much you really want to "fight" for this to work.
It sounds like he is a bit 'immature' and you on the other hand are very mature.
You may find, Hon.. you have grown up more than he has.
This may be one of those times of "a blessing in disguise". 

I'd let him "stew" for now. Let him wonder just what you are feeling and doing at this point. If you have denial to deal with on this very important matter.. you can be in for a very difficult marriage even if he "comes around" ..."for now". 

Know you have lots of shoulders to lean on.. and lots of support to hold you up. 
we're here for you.


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## mimi2 (Mar 29, 2005)

I'm so sorry Jaimie, I don't have any advice....except that you need to be true to yourself. We are all here for you.


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## barb (Apr 3, 2006)

I know this sounds really bad, and I don't want anyone to be mad, but is it possible he has someone else he is interested in (maybe not an affair, just an interest). This is his way of sliding out without hurting too many feelings. It sounds like he has a lot of excuses for why he needs time, can't go to counseling, I am confused, etc..... Just a thought please don't be upset. I think maybe you need a man & he is still a boy.

These are just ideas, only you know what's best in your heart.
You are amazing, so it doesn't matter what he thinks, you will be fine in the long run.







Barb


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## dr.jaimie (Mar 23, 2004)

> I know this sounds really bad, and I don't want anyone to be mad, but is it possible he has someone else he is interested in (maybe not an affair, just an interest). This is his way of sliding out without hurting too many feelings. It sounds like he has a lot of excuses for why he needs time, can't go to counseling, I am confused, etc..... Just a thought please don't be upset. I think maybe you need a man & he is still a boy.
> 
> These are just ideas, only you know what's best in your heart.
> You are amazing, so it doesn't matter what he thinks, you will be fine in the long run.
> ...


 

no its something many have asked me and i have asked him and i believe him that there is no one. we had a long talk last night and we both got out a lot of things that has been bothering us. hopefully it will have some good results..


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## Maidto2Maltese (Oct 19, 2004)

Ahh hon.. so glad you two were able to communicate with each other. Will pray it is a step in the right direction!!


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## Scoobydoo (May 26, 2005)

> no its something many have asked me and i have asked him and i believe him that there is no one. we had a long talk last night and we both got out a lot of things that has been bothering us. hopefully it will have some good results..[/B]


Oh Jaimie that is a big step in the right direction, communication is very important and airing and possibly resolving your differences peacefully is great progress..
I will keep praying that perhaps your problems can be resolved and you can both move onward to reconcile and hold your marriage together.


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## Bijousmom (May 29, 2005)

Jaimie, I can't believe that I have missed this until now. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this mess and as you can see we all love you. You are the best and you deserve the best in life and if he can't appreciate you as we do maybe he needs to find the door.







I feel like a mama bear and someone has hurt one of my cubs. I have a 26 year old son and I can't imagine him being mature enough to be married. If you can get through this maybe he just needs some time to grow up. I just want what is best for you.







Julia


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## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

> > index.php?act=findpost&pid=216222
> 
> 
> 
> ...










Happy 4th Jaimie, I have been praying for you and will continue,


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## TheButtercup (Mar 3, 2005)

one thing that one of my good friends asked me....when was the last time you and david went out on a "date"? as in, go out, the two of you, just the two of you, and do something date-like? while the boy and i watched law & order every night...we were already in a routine and stopped "dating" each other. i miss the dates, where it was just the two of us, no distractions like tv, phones, dogs, etc. those were fun, fun times. it was over those dates that i realize that i had fallen in love. once we stopped the dates.... it seems that our routine set in....







while there is something to be said for routines, lol, it was just way too early for us.

melissa also was a roommate of mine while she and her husband split up. they decided on a separation for a year (due to me moving up to OH after getting a job, it ended up being only 9 months), and during that time, she rediscovered activities and friendships she'd let slip away, he ...well, he grew up and realized it was time to put the "big boy pants on" and be a grown up and be a husband. they are now proud parents of a 6mo old little girl who has really solidified their relationship. 

while the separation doesnt always work for everyone, it worked tremendously for them. 

i'll stop sharing stories now LOL. 

joke of the day!

Q) why did the elephant sit on the marshmallow?









A) so he wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate!!!!!!!!






































































one of my favorite jokes ever!!!

(trying to make you laugh today...with only 49 min to go in the day!)

ann marie and the "oh dear g*d, she broke out the elephant jokes...." buttercup


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## barb (Apr 3, 2006)

we had a long talk last night and we both got out a lot of things that has been bothering us.  hopefully it will have some good results..
[/QUOTE]

That is great!! Maybe it will just take some time. I hope I didn't sound mean or anything.


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## danah (Jan 8, 2005)

Jaimie, We have talked and there is nothing I can add to all the advice you have received. I just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and hoping things work out for the best whatever they may be.







You are a very special person and we all love you!


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## Cindy1981 (Apr 24, 2006)

Jamie,

I have been thinking alot about you and keeping you in my Prayers, Just wanted to let you know.


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## sheila2182 (Nov 28, 2004)

Jaimie,I'm so sorry to read this thread and hear the pain you're going through.You have tons of support and alot of good advice from all your SM family,we are all here for you.

A while back if you remember I went through a very bad stretch,my brother ,opening another shop, and then a divorce. The divorce was something I wanted and had thought deeply about for r a very long time.My ex had an addition to alcohol and my life was terrible.But I didn't want it to end in failure.I guess what I'm trying to say to you is that,THIS IS DAVIDS problem and no matter how much you love him ,in the end HE is the one that has to make the change to save the marriage.If he is in denial it sounds to me that he is laying the burden on you ,to make it easier on himself.I would not compromise myself to ease the fault or burden that HE should endure.Don't let he keep stringing you along.I'm happier now than I have been in 20 years.In the end you are the only one that truly knows whats happing ,all the advice good or bad is just all your friends trying to share and let you know you are not alone.Love Ya Girl.,I'm here for you also!







The old saying that life is a bumpie road is for sure..you just go over each bump,one bump at a time,and it enriches you and makes you stronger.Most times for the better!


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## LexiAndNikkisMom (Apr 13, 2004)

Jaimie, I'm so sorry you are having problems in your marriage.









If you need to talk we are here.


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## paris (Apr 8, 2005)

Jaimie, I just checked in after being off all weekend and read this. Please know that you can call anytime if you need someone to talk to. You will be in my prayers.


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## thelittlepet (Apr 18, 2006)

Still in my thoughts and prayers.
Aimee


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## mwend (Dec 27, 2005)

Jaimie my dear, I have been super duper busy these past few days and have not had time to read all the replies, but let me say that I am right there with you. I am in the beginning stages of my SECOND divorce. My first divorce was due to immaturity. This divorce is due to my husbands inability to keep his hands off of other women. I have made a lot of mistakes in both of my marriages, but THIS TIME, I'm not going to make a bunch of mistakes in my divorce - so here is what I have to say:

#1 - yes, talk with your husband, get everything out in the air, but you cannot FORCE a marriage to work. If he is so addicted to this game that you have become second to him then HE needs help, but HE has to get it. If he can't or won't, then as much as it hurts, you must let go. 

#2 - don't rush into a divorce. It is SO easy to make rash decisions based on emotions. I have been emotionally disconnected from my husband for a few years now. We are taking this divorce very slowly, making sure we both get what we want and trying to remain friends at the same time. Neither one of us feel hurt or anger, we both feel it's time for this to end but we still want to be friends. I know that may not work, but we are going to try it that way.

#3 - don't speak bad about each other (I'm not saying that you do, I'm just saying that it might be easy to do - but don't). Try to keep some kind of compassion towards one another - things can get quite ugly very quickly if you are bad mouthing each other to your friends, family, etc.

There is nothing wrong with being separated for a while. Even if he wants to end it I just can't stress enough to take it slow, don't make decisions based on your emotions. PM me any time you want to talk. Like I said I'm right there with you!!!

Edit: BTW I am 39 years old. 2 kids (from my first marriage). Looking to the future with optimism!
You are in my prayers.


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## journey (Feb 8, 2006)

> Jaimie my dear, I have been super duper busy these past few days and have not had time to read all the replies, but let me say that I am right there with you. I am in the beginning stages of my SECOND divorce. My first divorce was due to immaturity. This divorce is due to my husbands inability to keep his hands off of other women. I have made a lot of mistakes in both of my marriages, but THIS TIME, I'm not going to make a bunch of mistakes in my divorce - so here is what I have to say:
> 
> #1 - yes, talk with your husband, get everything out in the air, but you cannot FORCE a marriage to work. If he is so addicted to this game that you have become second to him then HE needs help, but HE has to get it. If he can't or won't, then as much as it hurts, you must let go.
> 
> ...


Oh gosh! I wish I could speak my mind here! Well perhaps I can....just a little bit...went thru it with my hubby in the 80's- going thru it with my daughter now....hugs and kisses all around!!!! Mine got stronger-hers is ending....what doesn't kill us makes us stronger


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