# Not How I Expected to Spend My Thanksgiving



## rmh2009 (Aug 30, 2014)

Hi All,

I write this message to you all from a crappy hotel room. Yesterday, my boyfriend, RJ and I headed down here to his grandmother's house for Thanksgiving. We planned to spend yesterday through Friday here as a lot of the family from out of town who we haven't seen in a while was coming in. Yesterday I got into a really bad argument with his dad and uncle. They said some unforgivable things and I stormed out of the house in tears with my purse and my RJ. My boyfriend offered to stay with me and/or drive back home but I told him he needed to be with his family.

This Thanksgiving was already going to be hard because it is the first one without my mother. My grandparents and father are also deceased and the rest of my family is all on the west coast, so I don't really have anywhere else to go today but this hotel room.

On the bright side, at least I have my fluff with me. He always knows how to bring a smile to my face.


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## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

Hope I'm so sorry this has happened to you, I really wish you were close by I would come get you and your fluff and you could have Thanksgiving with my family.
It's especially hard when your family isn't there, I'm sorry on the loss of your mom, I just want you to know you are never alone, God is right next to you.
Usually there is someone on SM, just keep checking and read the posts that will help the day to go by fast.
I wish I could give you a hug 
I'll check in on you later this afternoon
Hugs Paula


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## pippersmom (May 21, 2012)

I am soooooo sorry this has happened to you. You shouldn't be alone on any holiday and especially this first holiday without your Mom. Like Paula said, I wish that I could give you a hug right now and help you feel better.


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## maltese manica (Nov 6, 2012)

Glad that you have RJ with you. Sorry that this has happened. Hey at least you have some of us SM family right here with you! HUGS!


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## sherry (Jan 4, 2013)

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:Here's a big group hug for you! Family can really hurt feelings at times. I hope your hubby comes and spends the night with you!


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## Lou's Mom (Apr 8, 2014)

I'm so sorry. I've had a couple of holidays alone and it's hard especially after losing someone. I hope things will work out, give RJ some snuggles.


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## Madison's Mom (Dec 26, 2007)

Oh Sweetie, I'm so sorry this happened to you. My sister did this to me a few years ago on Thanksgiving, which was also my birthday. My day was ruined and our relationship was irreparably changed, just because she wasn't getting her way. It's just so unnecessary.

I don't think many people recognize that there can be a lot of pain associated with holidays. When you've lost loved ones, holidays are a painful reminder of what you've lost. I totally understand.

Love on your fur baby and try to forget those who choose to turn a holiday into a bad experience. 


Sent from Petguide.com Free App


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## rmh2009 (Aug 30, 2014)

Thank you guys so much for all the kind word, it definitely makes me feel a bit less alone knowing that I have my SM family.

This is just so difficult. My boyfriend and I have been together 10 years. His dad has always been a jerk but what he said to me yesterday and the fact that he feels no remorse and doesn't feel bad at all for the fact that I'm spending the holiday all by myself is unforgivable to me. I don't know how to move past this. I don't want to ever speak to the man again, let alone have him at my wedding.


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## Dominic (Nov 4, 2012)

I am so sorry to hear about that. May you take this opportunity to think what is the best thing for you in terms of the relationship with his family, 10 years is a long time! May you find the blessings within the storm. It will all be fine, it sucks but hey life sucks sometimes. Much love from us.


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## mdbflorida (Feb 28, 2013)

I am so sorry this happened to you, but on the bright side you found us. Welcome to SM. Hopefully, things will settle down and all things can be forgiven on the thanksgiving holiday.


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## wkomorow (Aug 26, 2011)

Hope,

I am so sorry, holidays can be very stressful especially after losing ones dear to you. Family drama just makes the situation so much worse. I am glad you have little RJ by your side. Hope tomorrow is much better for you.


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## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

Hope, I just got back home, honey I hope your day has gone better. I had a mother in law that didn't like me, I was never good enough at anything I did, I wasn't who she wanted her son to marry, actually she never wanted her son to marry, it was just awful, many times I chose to stay home alone while my hubby and our kids went to her house. I tried so hard to be a good daughter in law, finally I just gave up:blush: what comes out of one's mouth good or bad can never be taken back, I only wish more people could understand that.
I hope your evening is better. Hugs to you sweet Hope:wub:


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## kd1212 (Nov 5, 2013)

So sorry you are experiencing a crappy Thanksgiving. I can totally empathize on all points in your post. Sometimes, holidays are stressful and arguments ensue. Try to be thankful for what you have and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day...


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## Ann Mother (Dec 18, 2013)

Just reading this😁 it is best to remember we pick our spouses but not our families or our spouses family. It is a packaged deal the good with the bad. What is needed is to learn to leave the bad ( thru avoidance of certain situations & not putting yourself in harms way).
It is hard because otherwise we are asking our significant others tochoose between family & us.😢 World not perfect in fact far from it.


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## rmh2009 (Aug 30, 2014)

Hi Guys,

Thanks again for all the nice messages, I really do appreciate it. 

My boyfriend and his mom ended up coming to the hotel after dinner and brought me food. 

I think going forward I'm just going to keep my distance. Spend the holidays on the west coast with my family or make plans beforehand to spend them with friends in St. Louis who aren't going home to be with their families. 

It just really sucks because I love everyone else in his family and they really feel like my family to me but at this point I have no idea when I'll ever see any of them again.


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## rrwtrw (Dec 23, 2008)

Hope -- I am glad your boyfriend and his Mother brought you a nice dinner at the hotel. I am sure that RJ provided a sense of comfort. One if the reasons we love them so much is that they love is unconditionally. There is no emotional head games or drama. Enjoy your little one...

Terre and Denne


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## CheriS (Aug 19, 2010)

Hope, I can relate to so much of your holiday, not this year, but many holidays in the past were ruined by in-laws (esp. my former father-in-law), and my Mom passed away two months ago, it is tough. This year, I didn't even bother with any part of Thanksgiving, I had too many other things to try and catch up with!


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## lydiatug (Feb 21, 2012)

Hope, I'm just now reading this...I'm so glad your bf and his mom came to you with food, and that you had your little guy for company. Sometimes our fluffs can make all the difference in the world! Hang tough, and try not to let it get to you too bad. I've been there too, life is too short for the drama and sometimes you just have to pull yourself away from it. Puppy kisses from Georgie Girl to you and RJ


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## rmh2009 (Aug 30, 2014)

Thank you guys so much. Reading all these messages and knowing that I had you guys' support really warmed my heart. I'm so thankful I found this community


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

Hope - I just saw this. So sorry that your Thanksgiving brought all the in-law drama to a head. Keep focused on Thanksgiving and all you have to be thankful for -- like RJ -- and less time worried about you FIL. I like the idea you have for the future and it's up to your BF to decide how he wants to proceed with the holidays. Maybe he'll want to join your family for some of the holidays. 
Glad he and your mom brought you food but really they need to stand up to him...you don't deserve this and everyone walking around on eggshells around a bully is just wrong. I've had cases in my family where the women whom the men in my family married were so insecure that they turned their husbands on the whole family so they would have them to themselves. It was the woman's fault but also the guys...they need to support the love of their lives, not permit this behavior. (((hugs)))


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

I'm sorry you had such a terrible family holiday..I went through many painful betrayals in my own family, my mom passed away in Jan , they weren't there for me with my cancer so I don't go anywhere near my family now. A hard but much healthier choice...

I have my in-laws, who are in their 80's and will cherish them as long as I can. I have my hubby Al and my fluffs and my SM family...The ones who are there for you when you need them...

Hope you have a better Christmas with family that cares..


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

Hope, I am not here much but wanted to say how sorry I am for your pain. Holidays often bring out the worst in people. If your FIL & uncle are people you choose not to be around for whatever reasons, then think about a destination holiday w/you significant other. Life is too short to let others wind us up until we end up losing it. I think staying away for now could send a msg to your furture FIL that you are not one to enable his bad behavior. So go someplace else. . . make new memories. . . claim the present---and maybe one day he will realize that he needs to make amends. If not---you have had some good times w/out him. 
I wish life played fair, but sometimes we just have to do the best we can and move on. Try to be civil to him---he is your BFs dad---but you don't have to enable him.


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## Summergirl73 (Sep 18, 2011)

I'm just now reading this thread. I'm so sorry that you are going through this  . My FIL did the same thing to me a few months back - I was so hurt and angry that I was literally shaking. We were over the phone when he decided to detail all of my flaws and shortcomings. I shouted a couple of times but for the most part never defended myself the way I would like to have think I should have. You were so wise to let him see you exit ... there is power in that gesture. I hope that one day you will be able to have some sort of relationship with him - even if it's just polite chatter (that's all my FIL have now). I do avoid being around them as much as possible - sometimes loneliness is better than conflict, but they both bruise your soul. I wish I could be more help to you, but just know we are here and that we care. Big hugs.


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## rmh2009 (Aug 30, 2014)

Thank you guys so much for all the words of support, it really feels nice to know that there are others out there who have gone through/am going through what I'm going through right now. 

My BF's dad is just an immature bully. Shortly after Thanksgiving dinner, my BF and his mom decided to bring me some food to the hotel. Shortly after they left he posted on Facebook that "He wasn't a bit sorry". Since then he has defriended me and blocked me on Facebook. 

The trouble is he is not going to allow me to be civil to him and just have polite chatter with him, he has been this way for the past 10 years. I can't count how many family events/holidays he has ruined for me and my BF by coming at me for no reason. I remember one holiday where he told me that I was a selfish person and I should never have children, this was literally 30 minutes after I had given his granddaughter a college fund that I started for her. I've tried the strategy of coming around but only being civil/making small talk and he just picks and picks at me until he can drag me into an argument, quite frankly I'm tired of it.

The part that hurts me the most is that I've been around this man for 10 years, my mom and my BF's mom (his wife) had become good friends over the past 10 years and she was at every one of their family events with me. This was my first holiday without her in my entire life, my dad is also deceased, along with my grandparents. My BF's family is basically my only family here and he couldn't care less that I was all alone on the holiday. The other part that hurts me is the fact that my BF has told his dad so many times how when he starts fights with me and/or just degrades me for no reason it puts him in an impossible situation and how much it hurts him when he goes at me and his dad still doesn't care. I don't understand how you could not care that you are causing your child pain for no reason.


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