# OMG



## pompomsmom (Jan 8, 2006)

My husband just told me he has been cheating for 4 weeks. I can't even think straight. Someone tell me it's a dream. We have to tell the kids we are seperating when my daughter gets home. Lord help me. I can barely get up. I am so mad. My world is turning inside out. How could he. I have no one to talk to. Don't want to tell family yet... I know I will cry when daughter gets home. Don't want to do this. Please keep me in your thoughts.

Diane


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## KandiMaltese (Mar 27, 2007)

> My husband just told me he has been cheating for 4 weeks. I can't even think straight. Someone tell me it's a dream. We have to tell the kids we are seperating when my daughter gets home. Lord help me. I can barely get up. I am so mad. My world is turning inside out. How could he. I have no one to talk to. Don't want to tell family yet... I know I will cry when daughter gets home. Don't want to do this. Please keep me in your thoughts.
> 
> Diane[/B]










Oh that just makes me so mad! I HATE cheaters and liars!







And well that makes him both! You will be okay and you can PM me anytime. People can do really horrible things to the people they care about 
the most in life. 

Did he tell you because he wanted to break up, or did he tell you to set things straight and be honest?

Hugs,
Andrea


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## The A Team (Dec 1, 2005)

I'm so sorry. You're about to go through heck for a while....then you'll get mad and strong. We're here if you need to vent.


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## Alvar's Mom (Mar 5, 2007)

oh my goodnes! I am sooo sorry, that's just awful! SHAME SHAME SHAME on him! How anyone can do something like that is just beyond me, I want to kick him for you!


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## casa verde maltese (Apr 7, 2007)

OMG - 
I'm so SORRY, please PM me anytime. I'm frustrated and flustered for you. 4 weeks - and now he doesn't want to talk about it - he just wants to end it with you? 

be strong for your daughter and you - how old is your daughter? 
be positive - don't say things you'll regret - and since he's the cruel guy who cheated - let him tell your daughter why you are separating and make him tell her the truth - if she's old enough - children respect the truth - even if they don't like it.

There is a storm here and I have to go pick up my daughter - BUT HANG IN THERE!!! 
I know many people will be praying/thinking about you.


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## Andrea&Luci (Jul 30, 2006)

Wow Diane this is a really tough situation..







I am so sorry that you have to go through this... PLEASE stay strong though... I mean, obviously you are going to grieve for this relationship, but think of yourself...your kids will be happier knowing that YOU are happy.... STAY STRONG...


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## Jacki (Jul 13, 2006)

OMG Diane I am so sorry, I just want you to know I will be praying for you and your children. You know you have support and many shoulders here to lean on for support. Hugs and prayers to you. Probably you can't think straight now but do you think you will definitely be ending your marriage -- or did he tell you to get things out in the open, and work through it? Whatever happens I'll be praying for you and supporting you 100%.


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## Krystal (Feb 3, 2007)

aw, I am so sorry to hear this. I dont understand how men can do things like this. Life and your emotions are about to go through a roller coaster ride. Remember that we are all here for you. I will be praying for you tonight...


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## msmagnolia (Sep 8, 2004)

Diane,
I'm sorry that this has happened to you. You are not alone. I'm sure that the people here will listen to you vent any time that you need to. I have never been through what you are going through, but I hope you will take a deep breath and sit tight. Does your husband want to get out of the marriage, or is he trying to clear his conscience? I remember when you got PomPom and isn't your husband in the medical field? If it comes down to it, you may need a good lawyer. So try and direct your energies to thinking about yourself and your child.....Be careful what you say to your daughter. This is not her fault either, and while your husband maybe a jerk, he could also be a good father. I think the best advice is to think before you act and try and stay as calm and rational as possible in the face of such a terrible disclosure.


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## camfan (Oct 30, 2006)

> My husband just told me he has been cheating for 4 weeks. I can't even think straight. Someone tell me it's a dream. We have to tell the kids we are seperating when my daughter gets home. Lord help me. I can barely get up. I am so mad. My world is turning inside out. How could he. I have no one to talk to. Don't want to tell family yet... I know I will cry when daughter gets home. Don't want to do this. Please keep me in your thoughts.
> 
> Diane[/B]


Diane--I am so sorry hon





















I went through the same thing in my 1st marriage except I was the one who more or less stumbled upon it--I don't know if he was ever going to tell me. Unbelievable. Please be strong right now. Everyone is right--you are about to go for quite an emotional rollar coaster ride. If he was telling you to set things straight, please know that it's not an easy thing to fix and there needs to be a lot of conditions before you can ever reconcile. Many women, lost in the flood of emotions, will immediately take the cheater back because they "seem so sorry" and you will only find yourself in the same boat again. Please be strong. Please PM me if you need to talk or if you need advice I can try to help. Love to you, hon.


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## saltymalty (Sep 14, 2004)

You are not alone...we are here for you! I absolutely agree with the other posters...you need to act in the best interests of your daughter right now. That means keeping a level head and staying calm. You can do it, remember you are a strong person. I would recommend that you go see a lawyer first thing on Monday moring, no matter what you decide to eventually do with your marriage. You need to protect yourself and your daughter.


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## sassy's mommy (Aug 29, 2005)

> Diane,
> I'm sorry that this has happened to you. You are not alone. I'm sure that the people here will listen to you vent any time that you need to. I have never been through what you are going through, but I hope you will take a deep breath and sit tight. Does your husband want to get out of the marriage, or is he trying to clear his conscience? I remember when you got PomPom and isn't your husband in the medical field? If it comes down to it, you may need a good lawyer. So try and direct your energies to thinking about yourself and your child.....Be careful what you say to your daughter. This is not her fault either, and while your husband maybe a jerk, he could also be a good father. I think the best advice is to think before you act and try and stay as calm and rational as possible in the face of such a terrible disclosure.[/B]


This is good solid advice.....don't act out of hurt or hostility.


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## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

We're all here for you. Positive thoughts and prayers are with you.





































No real advice as only you know what's in your heart, but please know that your SM friends will always be here to support you.


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## k/c mom (Oct 9, 2004)

OH, Diane, I got chills when I read your post. I still have them. I think it brought back memories from 1981 when my former husband told me something similar. I truly know how you feel and I am so sorry.









I have to give you some practical advice to keep you from making the mistakes I made. First and foremost, find the best divorce lawyer in your town ... someone with a proven track record in the field of divorce, not just a general practice lawyer ... retain him/her as soon as possible and make sure your rights are protected. I can't stress this enough. 

I understand how hard it is to tell family, etc. Perhaps you can lean on us here at SM. We're here for you.


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## cruisinpat (Jan 29, 2007)

Diane -- I'm so sorry that you are going thru this. Please know that there is a good support system here at SM. Stay strong - I'll be praying for you.....................Pat


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## jasmyne's mom (Dec 2, 2006)

You're in my prayers!!!


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## MissMelanie (Feb 13, 2006)

> > index.php?act=findpost&pid=389129
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 

Exactly! I am just so very sorry for you and your daughter.

God Bless,

Melanie


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## vjw (Dec 20, 2006)

I'm so sorry. I'll be praying for you.





Joy


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## revakb2 (Sep 8, 2006)

I am so sorry you have to go through this. I've been there, only Hubby didn't tell me. It took me months to finally figure out what was wrong. I won't go into all of the details, but for the longest time, I lost myself.
Everything I knew or thought I knew was turned upside down. It took a long to get myself back. The best advise I can give you, it do not do anything in haste or in anger. You will need help to get through this, no matter what the outcome is. For me talking to a physcologist, and close friends got me through this terrible time. It will get better, but it will take time.


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## suTQ (Jul 13, 2006)

I cannot imagine the pain, anger, and devastation you are feeling right now. I have no advice to offer, just thoughts and prayers for you and your children.


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## miko's mommy (Feb 8, 2005)

> My husband just told me he has been cheating for 4 weeks. I can't even think straight. Someone tell me it's a dream. We have to tell the kids we are seperating when my daughter gets home. Lord help me. I can barely get up. I am so mad. My world is turning inside out. How could he. I have no one to talk to. Don't want to tell family yet... I know I will cry when daughter gets home. Don't want to do this. Please keep me in your thoughts.
> 
> Diane[/B]


Diane, I am really sorry for what you are going through. We are here for you if you need to talk







.


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## starry (Sep 4, 2006)

Im so sorry.








I don't think I can say anything any better than Ive read here. Just reread alot of the advice.
All I have to offer is something my dear late mother (who went thru the same thing) said was
"What hurts you just makes you stronger."

At times I don't know what I would do if I didn't hv this site to come to...we'll be here.















Also you can pm me anytime also. 







Lisa


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## Harley & Dakotas Mum (Jun 11, 2005)

How utterly devastating. My heart goes out to you & you will be in my thoughts. The next day, the next 3 days, the next week, and following weeks are going to be tough ... hang in there .... we are here for you


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## theboyz (Jan 10, 2007)

Diane:
I am so sorry for what you are going thru. My first husband did the same thing only he called me on the phone, from work to tell me!!!! 
As Kallie/Catchers Mom said.....get a GOOD Lawyer. Be strong for your Daughter and get support from your family.
I didn't know it at the time, but it was the best thing that ever happen to me.
You have tons of "friends" here that will listen and talk to you anytime so use this resource to help you thru.








Marsha


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## NC's Mom (Oct 23, 2004)

I've never been married, so haven't been through what you are going through, but I have been through various life crises of my own. What always helps, at least somewhat, is to sit down and start making lists of what needs to be done and options that you have. Then, put them in some kind of order...order of importance, order of time needed to accomplish them, etc. and start doing them and ticking them off. Keeping busy can help you from falling apart and having some realistic goals to accomplish (this is where the lists come in) will help you feel like you have some control in the situation. Plus, they will all be things that need to get done anyway. I wish I could offer more.


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## I found nemo (Feb 23, 2006)

I am so sorry. I would be devastated also. It's the trust issue, once it's gone I think for me it would be impossible to get back







I can't even attempt to imagine how your feeling right now.
I agree all you can do now is sit and think about what you want to do, it takes some time for it to sink in and then for you to gather your feelings and try to see what direction you want to take.
Everyone is here for you no matter what you decide. I wish you peace of mind and I hope you figure this mess out..
So Sorry,
Andrea


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## red98vett (Apr 28, 2007)

> My husband just told me he has been cheating for 4 weeks. I can't even think straight. Someone tell me it's a dream. We have to tell the kids we are seperating when my daughter gets home. Lord help me. I can barely get up. I am so mad. My world is turning inside out. How could he. I have no one to talk to. Don't want to tell family yet... I know I will cry when daughter gets home. Don't want to do this. Please keep me in your thoughts.
> 
> Diane[/B]


that's so sad - especially with kids - do you all have to seperate ?? can it be worked out ? Does he still love you and you him ??? I don't know you but wanted to say good luck and stay strong....there's alot people can overcome IF you love each other


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## puppymom (Jun 13, 2005)

I am so sorry you are going through this. I've been throught the "divorceacheatingman war" and know how painful it can be. First and most importantly you need to know *IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT* that he is a scum sucking slim bucket. I believe that a man whoo cheats on his family (by cheating on you he is cheating on his daughter as well) is the lowest form of life on eart. BUT IT ISN'T YOUR FAULT!!!

The best advice I can give you is find a GOOD THERAPIST and a an even better LAWYER to get you through this. The therapist will heop you take care of yourself and the lawyer will make sure your daughter is protected not matter what the outcome. 

Some people do go on to work things out but they are few and far between so it is important that you take care of yourself and your daughter.


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## mom2molly (Jan 26, 2007)

I'm am so sorry you are going through this. I will pray for strength and clarity to make the right decisions for you and your children.














There are many people here that care about you!


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## pompomsmom (Jan 8, 2006)

Just a quick note to let you guys know how much I truly appreciate each and every message. I am still sick to my stomach, he cheated with his old girlfriend (2 days ago was our 13th anniversary). He says he never got over her, and her over him. Mind you she is in a relationship also... 2 cheaters together should make a strong foundation... He claims he doesn't feel I love him, we are two very different people. He loves the outdoors, hiking, surfing, "partying" etc... I don't love it to the extent he does. Apparently I have a maltese obsession???? So he says. I told him just because I take a lot of time with the dog and learning about everything, doesn't make me obsessed. I told him if I had gone biking everyday, he wouldn't have called it an obsession. It's just because it's not his interests.

So here I am, I am from Canada, moved here to be with him, had 2 kids here, which is all I have now. My family is all in Quebec. He has his family 4 hours away in LA, his girly who is so in love with him and makes him feel soooooooooo good, a job that pays well (he is a Er physician). I have been off work 14 years now, I will now have to go back. I can't possibly move to Canada, it wouldn't be the best thing to be away from their dad. 

We told both kids yesterday, my son (9) looked upset but didn't cry, my daughter (11) cried quite a bit. It is hard for me to be strong for them. I truly feel broken. I will get a laywer. I just wished I woke up this morning and realize it was all a nightmare. My eyes are still swollen from last night. I had to take a sleeping pill to sleep...

Thanks again soooooooo much, your words mean more than you can imagine


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## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

On thing I absolutely must say -- YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT -- IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. He may try to pull that on you because he feels guilty and this is an easy way out of his guilt -- but HE was the one that was wrong.

You need to know and REMEMBER that you are in the right here and not HIM. DO NOT START BLAMING YOURSELF!!!!


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## puppymom (Jun 13, 2005)

I'm so glad to hear he has a good job!! CAN YOU SAY ALIMONY AND CHILD SUPPORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, you may need to get a job but that may be a great thing for you, it will give you a chance to "get out in the world" and restart your own life. You have so many decisions facing you but YOU CAN DO IT!!!! Hang tough and you will get through this. Keep the welfare of your children foremost in you mind and don't budge an inch from what his obligation is (to take care of you and his children). If he wants to play then he's gotta pay.


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## KandiMaltese (Mar 27, 2007)

Here is food for thought OK..

Cheaters always have a way of turning things around to make it "your fault". You are not the one who cheated, just because you have different interests doesn't mean it gives him the right to go and sleep with another woman behind your back either. 

oh and if there were problems or he was in love with another woman, that would have been helpful BEFORE he CHEATED, not after. He didn't try and make it work. 

Once a cheater always a cheater. You are better off without him. And yes as someone said before, hope that good job will help him open his checkbook for alimony and child support. Don't be afraid to ask too much either. The law doesn't take very well to cheating, especially when there are children involved.

Chin up, you should seek some counceling, treat yourself to a day spa and keep in mind you will meet someone else, possibly in a similiar situation to yours! Maybe someone who has the same interests as you. 

I bet anything your husband's new "relationship" will not pan out. But I bet you will meet a special someone and yours will absolutely! 

Hugs,
Andrea


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## CloudClan (Jan 31, 2007)

> My husband just told me he has been cheating for 4 weeks. I can't even think straight. Someone tell me it's a dream. We have to tell the kids we are seperating when my daughter gets home. Lord help me. I can barely get up. I am so mad. My world is turning inside out. How could he. I have no one to talk to. Don't want to tell family yet... I know I will cry when daughter gets home. Don't want to do this. Please keep me in your thoughts.
> 
> Diane[/B]











I am so sorry. I know how devastating this can be. My father cheated on my mother after 34 years of marriage and devastated the family by his involvement with a very evil woman. I was so proud of how strong my mom was through it all. She has always been a very positive person and I must admit I didn't let her feel sorry for herself. She had a right to, but I wasn't used to the idea that my mom could ever be down, so I pushed her to find her core of strength and positive thinking (she probably would have anyway). She is my hero.

I will say some prayers that you and your daughter and your son can stay strong.


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## momtoboo (Jan 30, 2006)

I'm so sorry.







As others have already said, don't blame yourself for his actions. And absolutely don't let him blame you either. What he did is bad enough, blaming you for it is adding insult to injury. He should at least be man enough to admit that cheating is his character flaw, not something brought on by your love of a little white dog. We all make choices, he chose to be unfaithful, nobody forced him. Just concentrate now on what you need to do for yourself & your children.I've not ever been divorced but many of my friends & family have, so I know how tramatic & devastating it is.But they always end up doing fine, so hang in there.


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## garrettsmom (May 15, 2006)

I'm so sorry for the devastation you're enduring. 13yrs is a long time to invest in a marriage. Your husband is currently in the euphoric "fog" stage of his relationship. He thinks he's in love with this other woman because she's meeting his emotional needs at the moment, but it's all a fantasy. Don't make any hasty decisons yet. If you've any desire to try and save your marriage, there's a wonderful site called Marriage Builders. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ There's a great forum dedicated to infidelity; there's a section entitled "Just found out" and it's filled with great advice from people just like yourself who've been where you are right now. Wives of medical professionals aren't a rarity there either. 
My thoughts are with you!


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## Bijousmom (May 29, 2005)

You can take comfort in the fact that "If he/she will cheat with you, he/she will cheat on you" this will give that relationship a double whammy in the fact that they were both in a relationship. I would think that they will never be able to trust each other. Take care of yourself first and your children emotionally and financially. My thoughts and prayers are with you.







Julia


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## k/c mom (Oct 9, 2004)

Oh, yes, I know about hoping it was a nightmare ... I felt the same way. It's so awful. I had been married 11 years but no kids. But you have been out of the work force for 14 years. It will take you time to get back on your feet. So make sure you milk that for everything it is worth!

I had never lived alone nor taken care of my own expenses and didn't know how much it took to live. (He had handled all the finances.) So, I accepted a low amount of settlement and zero alimony .. I had to have been nuts .. but I just wanted the pain and fighting to be over and I "settled". I didn't have a tough attorney because I didn't want one. I wanted to "be nice"... wanted his family to still like me ... His family were multi-millionaires and I got a pittance, even though he was the one who cheated. 

Soooo, even to this day I regret not being tough and making sure I got what I needed to make a new start. We had a business together, so I lost my job as well as my husband and my house and my dog ... and my lux lifestyle. So, I say, don't let him intimidate you ... get what money you need to support yourself well and to take care of your children.

My boss recently got divorced and his wife got a great settlement ... alimony, child support, and she doesn't have to get a job! 

Get a good divorce lawyer ... get a good divorce lawyer ... get a good divorce lawyer ... get a good divorce lawyer ... get a good divorce lawyer and . . .
STAY STRONG AND LOOK OUT FOR Y-O-U!!!!!


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## starry (Sep 4, 2006)

I find it so very frustrating that our family members are so jealous of the attention or love we have in our lives for our dogs!
You are right, if it was something he loved to do it would not be called an obcession.
My sister has tried to chg her cheating husband for 5 yrs and has not been happy, her daughter is so stressed over them arguing I feel so bad for her.
My mother was timid at divorce and did not ask for much or even her rightly share and was poor as a church mouse her whole life after the div.








While my fathers next wife and her kids have enjoyed everything they worked and we sacrificed for.
We were teenagers, (me 18) when my dad cheated on US after being married 21 yrs.
My mom has always been my hero for strength. 
You will be fine!!!
Keep your chin up and at least you can alot of years of child support. 
Do what you need to, children will adjust.
Please try and get advice from a Lawyer no matter what your decision now.
My sister keeps in contact with one just incase she needs to know what's best.
I know you are strong. ...







Lisa
And don't forget...Nothing is your fault!


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## casa verde maltese (Apr 7, 2007)

TAKE HIM TO THE CLEANERS - start hunting today for a good divorce lawyer - and don't budge an inch - your children should not suffer nor have any reduced circumstance b/c of his decision. Who cares if he's living in a tiny bachelor pad - YOU DON'T.

BE TOUGH, you need to think of the kids - don't talk money w/him - talk to your lawyer- that whole talking to the future ex-spouse is for the birds - you'll walk away w/nothing if you talk to him. If he wants to talk to you - you say send it to my lawyer if it's about money.


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## camfan (Oct 30, 2006)

> TAKE HIM TO THE CLEANERS - start hunting today for a good divorce lawyer - and don't budge an inch - your children should not suffer nor have any reduced circumstance b/c of his decision. Who cares if he's living in a tiny bachelor pad - YOU DON'T.
> 
> BE TOUGH, you need to think of the kids - don't talk money w/him - talk to your lawyer- that whole talking to the future ex-spouse is for the birds - you'll walk away w/nothing if you talk to him. If he wants to talk to you - you say send it to my lawyer if it's about money.[/B]


Yes, Yes, Yes!!!!!!!! I agree with this!!!!!!! Get yourself a good divorce lawyer and DON'T talk money with him. Settle EVERYTHING through the attornies. 

I know all this is easier said that done when you are just flooded with all sorts of emotions--please take our advice and make those "tough" decisions despite how you feel. You won't regret it. The sooner you get an attorney the better because they will help you push through all that as well.

We are here for you 100%.


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## HappyB (Feb 28, 2005)

> TAKE HIM TO THE CLEANERS - start hunting today for a good divorce lawyer - and don't budge an inch - your children should not suffer nor have any reduced circumstance b/c of his decision. Who cares if he's living in a tiny bachelor pad - YOU DON'T.
> 
> BE TOUGH, you need to think of the kids - don't talk money w/him - talk to your lawyer- that whole talking to the future ex-spouse is for the birds - you'll walk away w/nothing if you talk to him. If he wants to talk to you - you say send it to my lawyer if it's about money.[/B]



You advice is great. I've got some more for Diane, as well as others who may go through this.

Men want to move on with their life. If a woman can just sit back and hold out long enough, this can be some of the best negotiating tools. If the man is in the wrong, and he has no grounds for divorce against the woman, if she can sit it out long enough, chances are she will get what she wants. I say find a good attorney. Have a separation agreement drawn up with the terms for support prior to the final decree. This can include generous living arrangements for years. Work with your attorney to set the terms of what you need out of the divorce. Then, sit back and wait him out until you get what you want. 

Diane, my prayers are with you and your children during this difficult time.


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## 2maltese4me (May 8, 2006)

I'm so sorry for you!!!!




> TAKE HIM TO THE CLEANERS - start hunting today for a good divorce lawyer - and don't budge an inch - your children should not suffer nor have any reduced circumstance b/c of his decision. Who cares if he's living in a tiny bachelor pad - YOU DON'T.
> 
> BE TOUGH, you need to think of the kids - don't talk money w/him - talk to your lawyer- that whole talking to the future ex-spouse is for the birds - you'll walk away w/nothing if you talk to him. If he wants to talk to you - you say send it to my lawyer if it's about money.[/B]


I have to say I agree with this.


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## bentleyboy (Dec 13, 2006)

Hi there

Thats so awful>. My heart really goes out to you . I know how this feels , really i do. All you can do is feel those feelings however you want to feel them. No one can take those feelings away and no one can tell u how to feel. Be strong, be weak and take heart they we are thinking about you. 

Love

Sue


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## mwend (Dec 27, 2005)

I know exactly how you feel. My now ex-husband cheated on me for 2 years with my best friend. That was not his first nor his last affair. I felt like my whole world had ended. I was so scared and so insecure...but honey I have to tell you - you WILL make it through this. I PROMISE. For the first time in many, many years I feel in control of my own life. Yes, it will be heck for a while, but things WILL get better! 

As others have said- PM me any time - I TOTALLY understand!


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## pompomsmom (Jan 8, 2006)

I just want to thank everyone again. He is at work presently. I think this will be a good diet... I cannot even look at food. I had one strawberry and one banana since finding out last yesterday. I try to eat lunch. I kept busy this morning by switching my daughter's bedroom furniture around. It makes her feel better, and keeps my mind off things. 

Thanks again









Diane


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## dr.jaimie (Mar 23, 2004)

i know this must be aweful for u..i was going through some rough times also for a year but now things are finally looking up...hang in there...we r here for u!


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## Cary (Jun 11, 2006)

Been there....








Maybe you could consider things that interest
you and maybe take this time (when your head
gets more clear) to go back to school for some
kind of training.


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## msmagnolia (Sep 8, 2004)

Thanks for posting an update. I agree with the advice to not talk money with him at all. If you have been involved in the money management you should probably start listing every asset that you can think of (don't let him know about any of this). If you haven't been involved now might be the time to start looking around his office. Get yourself a good divorce attorney. You need a barracuda divorce attorney. Were you involved in putting him through med school or residency? Don't let him off the hook in any way....he cheated on you. He should move out of the house, not you. Don't worry about going back to work for now. Concentrate on keeping things steady and constant for the kids. 

And also, think long term for both you and for the kids - college, braces, cars, insurance, etc. I've heard of men who had to pay for their wives to go back to school for retraining as part of the divorce settlement. So if you always wanted a masters or didn't finish your bachelors, talk to your attorney about that.....


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## Cosy (Feb 9, 2006)

The only advice I have to offer is try to keep it amicable for the children's sake. I know that's really tough right now but someday you will look back and be so glad you did. Leave all the other stuff up to the attornies but try to keep the lines open regarding your children. 

I hope you've talked to a good friend/family member by now so you have some emotional support. That's important too.


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## dogloverx3 (Apr 14, 2006)

I'm a divorce attorney and have seen this situation many times over . I would never take a cheater back , the behaviour is often repeated . Take comfort in the fact you have 2 wonderful children and remain strong . Sarah


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## lillady (Jan 25, 2007)

Oh my goodness Diane!!! I am sooooooooooo sorry! I can only imagine the anger/hurt/pain you must be going through!! Nobody deserves to be cheated on-I'm sorry. I don't understand why people find it so hard to say they are not happy, or things aren't working out and instead they cheat!







I'm glad you came to your SM friends for help/advice/ears. We are here for you and please, don't blame yourself for ANYTHING!!!


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## THE GiZ&THE CHAR (Dec 14, 2006)

All I can really say is I'm sorry you have to go through this, as well as your kids. Everyone has been giving you wonderful advice. Stay strong... and don't let him see you fall.


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## lillady (Jan 25, 2007)

K-sorry, I can't fix my old posts, but I meant that to be a sad face and not a smilie face-I imagine y'all figured that out.


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## angel's mom (Feb 14, 2007)

> Thanks for posting an update. I agree with the advice to not talk money with him at all. If you have been involved in the money management you should probably start listing every asset that you can think of (don't let him know about any of this). If you haven't been involved now might be the time to start looking around his office. Get yourself a good divorce attorney. You need a barracuda divorce attorney. Were you involved in putting him through med school or residency? Don't let him off the hook in any way....he cheated on you. He should move out of the house, not you. Don't worry about going back to work for now. Concentrate on keeping things steady and constant for the kids.
> 
> And also, think long term for both you and for the kids - college, braces, cars, insurance, etc. I've heard of men who had to pay for their wives to go back to school for retraining as part of the divorce settlement. So if you always wanted a masters or didn't finish your bachelors, talk to your attorney about that.....[/B]


Oh, I like your points here. Most excellent! I don't think I would have thought of the retraining, and so many times the long-term things aren't really thought of.


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## Brinkley & Neyland's Mom (Jun 14, 2004)

I am SO sorry for you. My heart is hurting for your pain and sadness.









I wish I had some good advice, but I don't because I don't have any experience in the area. The people on here gave better advice than I would have. 
If it was me...I have always though the "Lorena Bobbitt" method sounded pretty good!









I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Good luck with the divorce proceedings.
I have a friend, whose current husband is paying his x-wife alimony AND child support. Quite a hefty sum.
She got to keep the house etc. I don't think he fought much over anything-he just wanted out and didn't want to fight with her, so gave her what she wanted. Perhaps you will be as lucky.


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## louis' mom (Jul 7, 2006)

OMG - I am so sorry for you. BUT - It is NOT your fault! What an @$$hole. to say that you have a maltese obsession. So that is a reason to cheat on you and your family. JERK. 

I don't have any experience with this - but I do know someone who just got divorced - his wife was cheating on him - she got the house they live in, she got the beach house, and she gets alimony - to cover living expenses for both homes and the kids and herself. She didn't work either. SO - I agree that you should be supported and get enough money so you don't have to work (unless you want to) and if you do work, you should NOT have to depend on that money to support you. And now you should get therapy to help you and your kids over this. Don't be the nice one - he has wronged you and your family and he should pay. 

DON'T SETTLE! I don't know you personally, but I feel like you might settle. Get what you are worth - the mother of his children, the woman who was WRONGED.







for you and your kids


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## MickeysMom (Jun 16, 2006)

My heart hurts for you.







I have been through something similar. My bf of 6 years was cheating. When I found out it was like I got shot in the chest. My insides hurt, and I couldn't eat or sleep(i lost 10 pounds in a week). He tried to deny it and turn things around on me. I was so devastated bc I thought everything was fine and we were in love. After our "blowout" things were really bad. He was just so mean, and I still to this day don't know what I ever did to deserve it. 
I thought i could never find someone else like him...blah blah blah....I was really down and sad for a while, but after I was sane again, I realized how much happier I was going to be without him. I was able to think about all the many times I was unhappy in the relationship, and I kept thinking about all the things I didn't like about him. It worked, and I started to get happier and happier about starting over. 

NOW, 4 years later, I am with the man of my dreams! I have never ever been happier in my whole life. The time I was alone gave me time to decide that I wanted to be a vet tech, and I am now one year away from a career in my field. When I was with my ex, neither of us had any life plans.

I ran into him a couple weeks ago and he is not with the same girl he cheated with....and he still works at the same dead end job he had, and lives in an even crappier apartment.

YOU"RE BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM!!!!!


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## pompomsmom (Jan 8, 2006)

Just to update, I am starting to feel slightly better. I have asked him every question that comes up in my head as far as details etc... He is "good" to answer everything. He will not have contact with her (so he says) until we are officially "done". He is willing to give me whatever I want as far as money, house etc... He says he will help me and the kids in anyway he can. We will see a lawyer, soon. We are not discussing anything in front of the kids. They seem to handle it quite well so far, we are making sure their needs come first. 

I can't thank you enough for all the kind messages, they mean so much to me. 

It's so weird how one minute I just want to strangle him, the next I feel like begging him to come back, the next I want to call the other woman, I have times when I am raging, times when I can't stop crying of sadness, times when I think I will be better off... I can't wait for this roller coaster of emotions to be over... and I know it's just the beginning of it... 

Diane and Pompom who stinks because mommy has no energy to bathe him!


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## TheButtercup (Mar 3, 2005)

> It's so weird how one minute I just want to strangle him, the next I feel like begging him to come back, the next I want to call the other woman, I have times when I am raging, times when I can't stop crying of sadness, times when I think I will be better off... I can't wait for this roller coaster of emotions to be over... and I know it's just the beginning of it...
> 
> Diane and Pompom who stinks because mommy has no energy to bathe him![/B]


a year ago, i was feeling these same things. my bf had decided that he and one of his exes had this "amazing reconnection" blah blah blah and in short, he cheated on me... didnt feel it was of major consequence to let me know for a while, either. he was a master manipulator and tried turning things around on me, making me feel stupid for crying or being upset about it. he tried the "but look how nice i am! i'm going to continue to pay my half of the rent/utils until the lease is up! i dont HAVE to do that, you know!" jack*ss. he still continues to show no signs of remorse for the hurt he put me thru, yet seems to love the fact i lost so much weight over it... and like you, i want to call Miss Homewrecker 2006 and tell her what i think of her (oh, and let her know that he's now cheating on HER, too), etc. 
it's tough, it definitely is. but i got thru it by refocusing my energies into reading (we have the BEST library system here!), walking, and i got back into my artwork and have begun drawing again. i've kind of "rediscovered" myself and what always made me who i was before Jack*ss came along. 
i think you'll find your kids are going to be an amazing source of strength to you. good luck, and i can't wait to hear that a year from now, you're doing such amazing things and you have countless wonderful men lined up to APPRECIATE your fabulousness









take care of you.


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## miko's mommy (Feb 8, 2005)

> Just to update, I am starting to feel slightly better. I have asked him every question that comes up in my head as far as details etc... He is "good" to answer everything. He will not have contact with her (so he says) until we are officially "done". He is willing to give me whatever I want as far as money, house etc... He says he will help me and the kids in anyway he can. We will see a lawyer, soon. We are not discussing anything in front of the kids. They seem to handle it quite well so far, we are making sure their needs come first.
> 
> I can't thank you enough for all the kind messages, they mean so much to me.
> 
> ...


Diane, I am glad you are starting to feel better. Time will definitely help I think and its great that you are focusing on your kids. I have been thinking a lot about you in the last few days. Even though I don't know what's like, I feel just awful for you.
















He is a jerk and you can do much better.









PS. Do get a great lawyer and make sure that you and you children are provided for.


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## puppymom (Jun 13, 2005)

Your last comment said "we are going to see a lawyer", I hope you did not mean that you are going to see the SAME LAWYER!! You absolutely MUST HAVE YOUR OWN ATTORNEY. I don't care how amicable you are going to try to make things a divorce is not amicalble and you need someone who's primary interest is YOU. 

Please please please get your own attorney. It may cost more up front (he should pay every dime of it) but in the long run you need your own representation. For yourself and your children you need to have a seperate attorney. 

As someone suggested earlier, you need to do something for yourself right now..... a girls day out, a shopping trip, a weekend at the beach. The most important thing you can do is take care of yourself so that you come through this strong and able to move forward.


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## beckybc03 (Jul 6, 2006)

> Your last comment said "we are going to see a lawyer", I hope you did not mean that you are going to see the SAME LAWYER!! You absolutely MUST HAVE YOUR OWN ATTORNEY. I don't care how amicable you are going to try to make things a divorce is not amicalble and you need someone who's primary interest is YOU.
> 
> Please please please get your own attorney. It may cost more up front (he should pay every dime of it) but in the long run you need your own representation. For yourself and your children you need to have a seperate attorney.
> 
> As someone suggested earlier, you need to do something for yourself right now..... a girls day out, a shopping trip, a weekend at the beach. The most important thing you can do is take care of yourself so that you come through this strong and able to move forward.[/B]


First off, I am so sorry that you are going through this
















Second, I completely agree with what puppymom said about you each needing your own lawyer. The same lawyer may not even be able to represent both of you for conflict of interest reasons but it doesn't matter, you NEED your own lawyer. If you have a lawyer representing you as a couple that attorney cannot be on your side or try and get what is best for YOU and that is what you need. I just graduated from law school but I don't know anything about family law. All I know about your state is that it is a community property state which could make some things easier and some things more difficult. But please get your own attorney and get one that has a reputation for being a tough negotiater because that is what divorce most likely comes down to. Don't take your husband's word that he will give you the house, etc. to mean anything. His attitude will probably change as you get into the process and he sees how much divorce is going to cost him. GET A GREAT LAWYER!!

Again, I'm so sorry that you are going through this. We are here for you


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## angel's mom (Feb 14, 2007)

This is one of those "forwards" that I received yesterday. Hope no one takes offense, but I thought it was kind of fitting here. It's the last paragraph that I like best!



> WHEN I WAS MARRIED 25 YEARS, I TOOK A LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID, "HONEY, 25 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10 INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV, BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 25 YEAR OLD BLOND."
> 
> "NOW WE HAVE A $500,000.00 HOME, A $45,000.00 CAR, NICE BIG BED AND A PLASMA SCREEN TV, BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A 50-YEAR-OLD WOMAN. IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU ARE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS."
> 
> MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN. SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT AND FIND A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD BLONDE, AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHING A 10 INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV.[/B]


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## mom2bijou (Oct 19, 2006)

I am so sorry that you have to go this horrible thing. No one deserves that. You and your daughter are in my thoughts and prayers.


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## k/c mom (Oct 9, 2004)

Diane, just some more advice.... as others have said, you MUST, MUST, MUST have your OWN attorney. No attorney can represent two people on opposing sides... think about it... it's impossible. 

And he is being "nice" now.... as he is probably feeling guilty... But that can, and often does, change. The girlfriend will see stuff that could have been hers going to you and she will likely be nagging him about it. It wouldn't be unusual as things progress for him to "change his tune". He may start feeling resentful, etc. and decide that he, after all, does want this and that, that were originally promised to you.

It is best for you each to have an attorney and for all communication regarding the divorce to be between the two attorneys. You and your husband should not discuss this stuff without an attorney. You could so easily say something that later could be held against you. 

Having an attorney as a go-between will take a LOT of the stress off you. Your attorney will call and ask your opinion on this or that and then relay it to his attorney. You will not have the mental anguish of having to deal with your husband directly on these matters.


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## msmagnolia (Sep 8, 2004)

I am really glad that your husband is trying to be cooperative. It sounds like, for right now at least, he just wants out and will do whatever it takes. And maybe he will follow through, but you still need to look out for you. You need your own attorney that works for you. If your husband chooses to have no atty and just take whatever YOUR atty has suggested then that is his problem. The thing is, Diane, that sometimes husbands who earn a good living, as yours does, know how to hide assets. Maybe its a different account, maybe there are investments that you know nothing about, maybe 401k's that you weren't even aware of. You just want to make sure that there is full disclosure of your family assets so that you and the kids get a fair share. 

Meanwhile, staying calm and rational and trying not to be nasty to him will go a long way to making you look good. You aren't getting rid of him for as long as you have children. You and he will be in each others lives for a very long time so there is no point in starting off as bitter enemies. I don't know if you still love this man or not, and I don't think I could forgive, but it is not unheard of that he will wake up and smell the coffee and see what he is so carelessly tossing away.


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## pompomsmom (Jan 8, 2006)

Just a small update, it has been 2 weeks since I found out. I have good days when I feel encourage, like I will be ok out there on my own, then I have terrible days where I feel so sad and scared. Husband is going to look at an appartment today, close to here so the kids can go see him often. I will stay in the house until we fix it up to sell (new paint etc...) Then we will go see attorneys and the big "D" will happen. I think it will be easier with him out of the house (in the appartment), him being here just makes me resent him that much more. I started looking at job possibilities, which totally scare me, since I haven't really worked for 13 years... just for about 2 years and that was about one day a MONTH! I am a registered nurse, which is good, but soooooo scared to go back!

Anyway thanks everyone for the support and the pm's. I am sorry I am bad at answering everyone. Sometimes I get a pm, and just don't feel like talking about it. They do bring a smile to my face though, knowing there are such wonderful people here









Diane and Pompom


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## KandiMaltese (Mar 27, 2007)

Diane, feel better ok? It will help once he moves out! 

I wish you all the best! 

Best,
Andrea


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## Guest (Jun 22, 2007)

I just want to let you know I have been where you are and very recently. I know you want to trust that he is going to take care of you, but don't. Im telling you from experience. I filed for a divorce over a year ago and there was only property involved since our daughter is 19. After I filed I found out he had been cheating on me for 7 years even though I filed for the divorce for other reasons I was so hurt. After I filed he tried to kill himself 4X and begged me to take him back. All before I found out about the affairs. I almost caved a couple of time because I felt sorry for him. I am so glad I stayed strong. It has been 1year and 7 months since I filed and I had a final hearing in January 07. The judge still hasn't signed the papers. A few things I learned. Don't trust what he says about taking care of things. Mine said he would be fair but when we got to court I was surprised. He wanted 1/2 my retirement, alimony, and almost all of our posessions. All this from someone who said I could trust him. You trusted him with your marriage vowels and he broke them so just be cautious. 

I am so glad to hear you have an education and you shouldn't have any trouble finding a good job. It will be scary but before you know it you will get back into the swing of things and who knows you might enjoy it. Wishing you the best and a lot of happier days to come. Cindy


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## MissMelanie (Feb 13, 2006)

Diane, please listen to all the great advice here, from those that have been though what you are going through. True they were not married to your husband, nor where they married to my ex, but after reading everything here, how surprised I was to hear the same things over and over, and people knew what had happened to me it seemed.



Take care of YOURSELF and your child.

Get a GREAT divorce attorney

DO NOT TRUST YOUR HUSBAND, everything from his mouth should be thought of as a lie now.

Look ahead, life will improve. Be thankful for your education, nurses are in high demand.

You can do this!



God Bless,

Melanie


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## camfan (Oct 30, 2006)

> Just a small update, it has been 2 weeks since I found out. I have good days when I feel encourage, like I will be ok out there on my own, then I have terrible days where I feel so sad and scared. Husband is going to look at an appartment today, close to here so the kids can go see him often. I will stay in the house until we fix it up to sell (new paint etc...) Then we will go see attorneys and the big "D" will happen. I think it will be easier with him out of the house (in the appartment), him being here just makes me resent him that much more. I started looking at job possibilities, which totally scare me, since I haven't really worked for 13 years... just for about 2 years and that was about one day a MONTH! I am a registered nurse, which is good, but soooooo scared to go back!
> 
> Anyway thanks everyone for the support and the pm's. I am sorry I am bad at answering everyone. Sometimes I get a pm, and just don't feel like talking about it. They do bring a smile to my face though, knowing there are such wonderful people here
> 
> ...


I just think it's so sad how one person's selfishness can throw into chaos an innocent person, you know? I shared with you in an earlier post how I had been through the same thing. But I didn't have kids or many assets, was young and right out of college. It makes me so sad when this happens to people who have their lives established, kids, etc. He is TRULY a bum. He'll get what he deserves someday, I believe that. In the meantime I know things will go well for you going back to work, etc. We are all here for you!! Thanks for updating. Take care of YOU...


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## Guest (Jun 22, 2007)

> Just a small update, it has been 2 weeks since I found out. I have good days when I feel encourage, like I will be ok out there on my own, then I have terrible days where I feel so sad and scared. Husband is going to look at an appartment today, close to here so the kids can go see him often. I will stay in the house until we fix it up to sell (new paint etc...) Then we will go see attorneys and the big "D" will happen. I think it will be easier with him out of the house (in the appartment), him being here just makes me resent him that much more. I started looking at job possibilities, which totally scare me, since I haven't really worked for 13 years... just for about 2 years and that was about one day a MONTH! I am a registered nurse, which is good, but soooooo scared to go back!
> 
> Anyway thanks everyone for the support and the pm's. I am sorry I am bad at answering everyone. Sometimes I get a pm, and just don't feel like talking about it. They do bring a smile to my face though, knowing there are such wonderful people here
> 
> ...


I am glad you are holding up well Diane. I really wish you would get your attorney as soon as possible and not take his word for anything. He has proven his word means very little. I would be the one to file and get this ball rolling. Or at the very least as someone mentioned previously get a formal separation agreement upfront as he is leaving the domicile. What you fail to do nwo to protect yourself and your children's welfare you may regret later if he changes his tune.


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## The A Team (Dec 1, 2005)

Get mad. Stay strong. Get a really good lawyer. That's it in a nutshell I guess. 

Going back to work after such a long time off must be frightening, but once you get yourself back in the workplace - soon it will feel like you never left.









My husband did the same thing to me, but I was working at the time so it hurt but it wasn't devastating. He wanted out... to be with his girl friend and then couldn't believe that I wanted the house (tiny rancher), and for him to pay child support too!







Oh well.







if they want to play, they've got to pay. I never took advantage of him, just enough to get by and not a cent more.


It looks like you've gotten a lot of good advice from the people here. Hopefully as things fall into place, you will find your happiness again and life will be even better than before.


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## k/c mom (Oct 9, 2004)

I'm glad you're doing as well as can be expected. Someone mentioned retirement pension... be sure you get part of his.. You have spent 13 years out of the work force and lost that much in retirement benefits, etc. 

He needs to get out of the house. Let him stay at a hotel until he finds an apt. He has no business staying there after what he has revealed to you.

I hope you have found a good attorney.


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## msmagnolia (Sep 8, 2004)

Thinking of you Diane......


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## Tanner's Mom (May 27, 2005)

You might want to check with some of the area hospitals about nursing refresher programs. These are programs designed for people like yourself who have been out of nursing for some time. Nurses are in high demand, really high demand, you will have no problem finding a job. I wish you the best.


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## MySugarBaby (Jun 28, 2006)

Dianne I am so sorry you are going through this. Please know that none of this is your fault, it was your husband who decided to stray.
Please make sure you get a good attorney. And make sure in the agreement you work out everything for you daughter as well (visitation rights, child support).

Hang in there and try to be strong for yourself and your daughter. You will get through this.
Hugs and prayers to you and your family.









My dad left my mom for her best friend/cousin when I was 5 years old.
At first he was still a great dad. He would visit us often and help us out in any way he could. But once they got married things changed. He no longer had time for us or wanted to help us out.
Long story short, me and my brothers missed out on having a real father in our lives. I hope one day he realizes what he lost.


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## I found nemo (Feb 23, 2006)

Best of luck to you, stay strong and focused.
ANDREA


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## Sassy&Alyssa (Aug 29, 2006)

I am so sorry. I absolutely cannot stand people who cheat on their spouses!!







they make my blood boil! Take everyone's advice here, it's very good. And remember this ISN'T your fault and don't let him put you down.


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## casa verde maltese (Apr 7, 2007)

Diane:

Lots of good advice floating around - and here is some more, repeats, etc. (I'm a list person)


1) Get your own lawyer - 
2) Makes lists of things/advice you've gotten off the website - I think the refresher nursing course is a good idea or if your RN is one w/out a BS - you might consider going back and doing the BS program - it will certainly increase your earning capacity - and you can get him to pay for it. Also, do you really have to get a job? a job is good - but how will this affect your children? You need your OWN lawyer to advice you - a joint lawyer will compromise everything and YOU (maybe not your children) BUT YOU will get SCREWED for being so NICE - you need money to live on while you adjust to these changes - & I would certainly discuss SELLING THE HOUSE w/your LAWYER!! that's a huge change in your children's lives!
3) Make lists of things you do now - expenses, vacations, the little things that cost money - you'd be surprised how those trips to the store for the little things add up. A sum in child support/Alimony - might sound large - but do you really know what you are spending each month - and will you have savings to buy new tires for the car, replace the airconditioner...etc.
4) Does your future ex - plan on having more children in the future? because I've seen and heard that once they have children w/others - they will try and wiggle out of any previous verbal aggreements made w/the ex spouse. EVERYTHING MUST BE IN WRITING _ SIGNED BY THE JUDGE. My ex pays a pittance in child support, 1/2 of all out of pocket expenses (day care, camps, medical expenses)and 1/2 of all travel for visitation.

Know that we care!! and are in your corner!
Jennifer


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## 2maltese4me (May 8, 2006)

> Just a quick note to let you guys know how much I truly appreciate each and every message. I am still sick to my stomach, he cheated with his old girlfriend (2 days ago was our 13th anniversary). He says he never got over her, and her over him. Mind you she is in a relationship also... 2 cheaters together should make a strong foundation... He claims he doesn't feel I love him, we are two very different people. He loves the outdoors, hiking, surfing, "partying" etc... I don't love it to the extent he does. Apparently I have a maltese obsession???? So he says. I told him just because I take a lot of time with the dog and learning about everything, doesn't make me obsessed. I told him if I had gone biking everyday, he wouldn't have called it an obsession. It's just because it's not his interests.
> 
> So here I am, I am from Canada, moved here to be with him, had 2 kids here, which is all I have now. My family is all in Quebec. He has his family 4 hours away in LA, his girly who is so in love with him and makes him feel soooooooooo good, a job that pays well (he is a Er physician). I have been off work 14 years now, I will now have to go back. I can't possibly move to Canada, it wouldn't be the best thing to be away from their dad.
> 
> ...










OMGOsh...that is just awful. I can't imagine the pain and anguish you and your kids are going through. I'm so sorry!!!!


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## bbry (Feb 17, 2007)

*Get a very good lawyer NOW- Don't wait for him to do anything. I would ask the attorney & judge to ensure that neither my or my children's financial standing change because of his lust. If you weren't working before, why should you have to now? If your children had a stay at home mom, why should they have to lose her attention at the same time they are dealing with a divorce? Don't rush into anything. Make sure he continues to support all of you in the same fashion while you get enough education to be able to ensure that you nor your children will suffer financially. Think about your retirement years, your children's education. You should not have to be the one that pays for his sins.*


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## coco (Sep 20, 2006)

I am so very sorry for your heartache.


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## cindysilver (May 15, 2005)

I just wanted to say that my thoughts are with you in this hard time. I have no experience of this but I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you


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