# My xmas gifts



## Andrea&Luci (Jul 30, 2006)

Hi all!
I just wanted to share w/ you how thoughtless my bf is. ..







lol. 
For the holidays this year, we decided to come up w a budget because every other year we go wayyy too far and it all comes down to ridiculous spending. Well, this year I was so thoughtful w/ him. I bought him a gorgeous suit and a bunch of casual outfits that coordinated well together. I got him a money clip and a business card holder that I had engraved (the money clip w/ his initials, and the card holder w/ his full name and Esq at the end cuz he's an attorney). I also bought him a gorgeous new wallet, undies, some cool car accessories, and a bunch of bath accessories so he looks/smells nice for work. I spent so much money and that is not counting on the leather jacket that i bought for him LAST month for his 36th b-day...meanwhile, this is all money that I could be paying my credit card bills with...it's not easy on a hairstylist's salary! (lol-I mean I do well at work, but still!) AND, i shopped totally on my own, he refused to write a list of some sort.
So, it is time for me to open my gifts and I was really upset. I asked him for a bunch of little things, NOTHING extravagant. I wanted a set of like accessories for my sewing machine that I just got. I wanted pajamas, slippers, a couple of sweat suits---Thats it. So, I open my gifts and was surprised to see that there were so many---they were all totally thoughtless gifts. He bought me a pair of jeans that were size 10, and size 00 sweat pants, along w/ some 2's and 3's.......I WEAR A 6!! He also bought me the entire Brookstone store.. I was so upset because i feel that he just went to the mall and grabbed things. I was so mad!!!







After 6 years for him to not know my size is just ludicrious... AND he got me NOTHING on my list. 
It made me mad because even though I work 5 days a week...I am completely booked from the moment I walk into my job til the moment I leave...coming home exhausted and STILL having the time to get him cute gifts AND his ENTIRE family (bc he refused to go shopping w me for his fam), AND cook and clean my house. Meanwhile, he works from home from 8-2pm and has the ENTIRE day to do nothing....he can't even try doing something for me!
I'm not trying to complain, but...







I am aggravated!!!










I hope you guys got some good stuff!!


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## carrie (Aug 24, 2004)

ohhh...i'm soooo sorry!









men amaze me sometimes...


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## dr.jaimie (Mar 23, 2004)

well i sympathize.....i got 3 dvds for xmas from my hubby whom ive known 10 yrs.....lady and the tramp, lady and the tramp 2 and Bambi...only asked for the first. he just got a hefty raise....i was expecting a nice xmas this yr...instead i spent it alone in my PJs watching my DVDs







not that that is what xmas is about...i would rather him get me nothing and just have been there with me


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## Kisses-4-Princess (Dec 4, 2005)

awe.. Andrea,

thats horrible! you are so right, he should have put more thought into your gifts. I don't know what men are thinking these days!! He's got a really good catch.. hopefully, he realizes that and makes up for his random gifts somehow!


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## Deanna (Jan 14, 2005)

My husband and I used to have the same issue. I would spend the entire year picking up things for him, and he would rush out on the 23rd and buy me something- anything! I was always dissapointed. So now we do not buy each other anything. We buy something for the house or take a weekend getaway. Something we both agree to-we figue there is enough stress and worry at the holidays we don't want to cause any tension between us. This year we are spending our week off between Christmas and New Years re-doing our guestroom. We are painting, installing the new flooring, putting in french doors leading to the patio and decorating. Last year we had just moved into our first home and had been renovating for weeks, so we took a lovely weekend get away to The Jasper Park lodge. The year before we bought a new treadmill and exercise bike. 

I have rarely met a man that could give thoughtful gifts. They just don't get it. I don't think they intend to be thoughtless, I just don't think they understand. One of the reasons we started our tradition was because he would get his feelings hurt if I didn't like what he bought, and I don't want to hurt him, but damnit I just thought he would eventually get it. This way there is no stress and we both are happy. 

Maybe this is something y'all could do? 

A friend of mine and her husband buy their own presents- wrap them and the he unwraps what she bought herself, and she unwraps what he bought himself- so they get that "surprise" on Christmas day but still get exactly what they wanted. That cracks me up. 

Whatever works!

We do something similar for birthdays. We get each other a nice card and our favorite candy he gets a day playing golf with his buddies and I cook him and his friends a good dinner and his favorite cheese cake. And on my bday I get a gift certificate for a day at the spa and he organizes a dinner at my favorite restaurant with all our friends. Again, win win- and no stress!


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## dogloverx3 (Apr 14, 2006)

I have my Josh well trained - I THOUGHTFULLY pick out a few BIG TICKET items - and have the store place them on hold . I then write out the directions of the store and place it in my beloveds hand . I then lead him gently to his car whilst looking especially loving . Josh then buys my present . He is grateful that he doesn't have to think about it , I am grateful because I won't have to return an unwanted , ugly , useless gift . As a general rule - most men hate shopping , the easier you make it for them , the happier they'll be . Sorry to hear about the sucky presents - they sound like the PLAID lingerie I got one year ( prior to my training -ugh !!!! ) . Sarah


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## Jacki (Jul 13, 2006)

> I have my Josh well trained - I THOUGHTFULLY pick out a few BIG TICKET items - and have the store place them on hold . I then write out the directions of the store and place it in my beloveds hand . I then lead him gently to his car whilst looking especially loving . Josh then buys my present . He is grateful that he doesn't have to think about it , I am grateful because I won't have to return an unwanted , ugly , useless gift . As a general rule - most men hate shopping , the easier you make it for them , the happier they'll be . Sorry to hear about the sucky presents - they sound like the PLAID lingerie I got one year ( prior to my training -ugh !!!! ) . Sarah[/B]


I think we all need to take your man-training lessons Sarah!!







Sounds like you've got a great system.









Andrea, I'm sorry your bf was so thoughtless in his shopping.







It must have been very disappointing for you to put in all that effort and then feel like he didn't think it through at all.









This year, my husband and I made it really easy for each other. In the past, we knew what the other wanted and where to get it -- he wanted a watch, I wanted a particular wallet, he wanted ties, I wanted an engagement ring ...







Anyway, this year we decided to just shop together. Because we were kind of on a budget, we set a spending limit and then chose what we wanted within that limit. My husband really wanted an overcoat, and I really wanted a certain purse. So anyway, we shopped together but didn't get to actually USE our gifts till Christmas, even though we knew what they were.









Even though Christmas isn't really about the gifts, it is nice to do thoughtful things for one another, and I can understand how you would feel let down!


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## suzimalteselover (Mar 27, 2006)

Andrea, I'm sorry, your bf is very, very lucky to have you. Maybe, next year, either suggest going shopping together and picking out your own items, as others have suggested, or tell him gift certificates ONLY, and not to his choice of stores, but, YOUR FAVORITE stores. (You mentioned pj's and slippers, my hubby looooves shopping at Victoria's Secret...but, I stress gift certificates to him....he wants sexy, I want comfort.) 

One yr when we were dating he got me a tool kit







and an expensive stereo system, and some tire ramps







Let me assure you, these items were never mentioned.









Don't give up, there is hope.....this yr, I picked out some clothes for myself and he surprised me with a beautiful diamond necklace from Tiffany's.


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## Toby's Mom (May 7, 2004)




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## phesty (May 30, 2006)

Boys are dumb. All boys are dumb. Some are significantly less dumb than others, but they are all dumb.

(Apologies to the "less dumb" boys we have around here.)


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## Julie718 (Feb 17, 2006)

Oh Andrea...I'm so sorry to hear this!







I'm not sure what to say. Others have already posted some good advice. I think he should let you go shopping with his credit card! That is just my opinion.


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## doctorcathy (May 17, 2004)

well, i guess im pretty lucky because casey talks to cynthia (my sister) a bunch right before xmas. so the gifts are always good. so thats my solution for all of you: get a sister. LOL. but i really like dogloverx3's solution too. lol.

so this year, we had a budget of $20. so he gave me a list and i just bought something off of ebay. it was this comic book. and then he bought me the GRE book. lol. 

i cant wait till i have money again


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## louis' mom (Jul 7, 2006)

ok - because my husband makes a list, posts on his website, provides links to where you can get his stuff the cheapest - i am the bad one







- he asked for a laptop, i didn't get it in time, so i felt bad, i found another one but i can't figure with all the stuff on it so i had him do it and our compromise was that i wouldn't yell at him for spending so much money and he will pay the credit card bill

in the meantime, i found out about my super secret xmas gift 3 days b4 xmas and only got 1 present to open on xmas - and i knew about that too because i found an email about it while i was snooping to figure out what my super secret xmas gift was (xm radio)


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## bellasmommy (May 8, 2005)

Well I'm single, but my mother had a little upset too. Her guy bought her NOTHING. That would have been ok with her because he just started a new job and told her ahead of time that he's broke and she shouldn't buy him anything either. However, he bought her brother, mother, and her father gifts. She's confused about the whole thing, but she finally decided maybe he thought he could trust her not to get mad and wasn't so sure about everyone else. She did get upset, but she got over it before she saw him again so he never knew. I think sometimes it would be better if people just got together and didn't exchange gifts...especially at big family gatherings. Some stores have lists now where you can go around the store and write a wish list and they will email it to your friends, thats a good idea I think. It would still technically be a surprise since no one would no what gift they were getting.
I think if I do find a guy though, I'll just ask him to cook me dinner (and clean up after it). I love to eat, hate to clean, that would be perfect.


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## PuttiePie (Nov 22, 2006)

Andrea....Have faith. I am with my husband 25 years and I swear to you...the first decent gift I got was after 16 years. ( I got







NONE







before then). "They" can be trained...If I could get my husband to budge even a drop and start acknowledging all of our birthdays and anniversaries....it can be done!!! Good luck for next time..


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## abbey (Apr 4, 2005)

Thats awful, Andrea!







Well, make sure he returns them & I'm sure he'll get the sizes right next time after waiting in line at the returns!


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## camfan (Oct 30, 2006)

> My husband and I used to have the same issue. I would spend the entire year picking up things for him, and he would rush out on the 23rd and buy me something- anything! I was always dissapointed. So now we do not buy each other anything. We buy something for the house or take a weekend getaway. Something we both agree to-we figue there is enough stress and worry at the holidays we don't want to cause any tension between us. This year we are spending our week off between Christmas and New Years re-doing our guestroom. We are painting, installing the new flooring, putting in french doors leading to the patio and decorating. Last year we had just moved into our first home and had been renovating for weeks, so we took a lovely weekend get away to The Jasper Park lodge. The year before we bought a new treadmill and exercise bike.
> 
> I have rarely met a man that could give thoughtful gifts. They just don't get it. I don't think they intend to be thoughtless, I just don't think they understand. One of the reasons we started our tradition was because he would get his feelings hurt if I didn't like what he bought, and I don't want to hurt him, but damnit I just thought he would eventually get it. This way there is no stress and we both are happy.
> 
> ...


I ABSOLUTELY agree with this!!!!!!

I think men mean well, I really do. But they just don't get it.

My hubby is one of the most thoughtful men on the planet. But I have to be SUPER specific with him. It's not a matter of him being thoughtful/thoughtless whatsoever.

P.S. Edited to say...yes, of course, there are thoughtless men out there. And it will be reflected in their gift giving--but here's the clincher--it will be a GENERAL thoughless attitude, not just with gift giving. That's how you can tell the difference


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## MissMelanie (Feb 13, 2006)

<span style="font-family:Comic">*They have some nice things in there, I THOUGHT!

You would REALLY be pissed if you got what I got.

Sorry you were not happy though... Sir Micro is VERY happy, thank you!

Happy New Year,
Melanie
*


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## Puddles Mom (Jun 20, 2004)

For years hubby got me jewelry. Once I told him I didn't need another ring or bracelet. Should have said nothing, cause from then on I got nothing, but it was the truth.

My thought is, if I have to tell you what I want, I will buy it myself. Last few years, I got nothing. This year I got a wireless keyboard and mouse for the laptop. Not sure about using it, my lap is just so big....hehehe


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## Cary (Jun 11, 2006)

Hmmm.......
As a guy.... I understand the need to give
meaningful gifts (including those specifically
requested - it shows you're listening - at least
some of the time) No household appliances or
everyday items like deodorant or Top Ramen.
Buy lingerie and intimate stuff for your birthday
not hers. Etc.
I've always tried hard to get the right thing
sometimes saving for months, but I am bad
with the everyday things such as notes and cards
and flowers for no particular reason. The sentiment
is there just not the physical item.
I know my ex was terrible at getting me stuff.
Great at getting herself whatever.... but not for me.
Maybe you do need to be more specific because as
guys many times we think in literal terms not
necessarily in intangible "feeling" terms. You'd
think we could read minds but alas it's not a skill
most of us have. Believe me we wish we could.
Maybe you could make a list with sizes and locations
and he could pick from that list. It might not be
as "thoughtful" or spontaneous but you'd get what
you want and like and he'd feel satisfied knowing
that even if it was your idea.... he made you happy.
Really that's all some of us want to do. To please you.


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## Andrea&Luci (Jul 30, 2006)

I know....I feel really bad and superficial to complain about my gifts....LOL I can't help it!








Anyway, the Brookstone stuff that he bought me was awful---like, he bought me a HUGE BBQ set (even though HE is the one that BBQs...I've never even turned a grill on! Also, he got me a key and remote control finder (....HE ALWAYS looses his keys!! not me!!! lol). Everything else was along those lines.. Totally ridiculous! He could have gotten me a blanket or something girly from that store







but, whatever. What can I do. Next year again I will make a detailed list or ask him for one of those Visa gift cards!








i REALLLY loved reading every one's input!


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## MissMelanie (Feb 13, 2006)

> I know....I feel really bad and superficial to complain about my gifts....LOL I can't help it!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 <span style="font-family:Comic">Andrea you are not bad at all for complaining... if you gave him a list and he ignored it, tisk tisk on him. No matter what he gave you. Believe me I know all about "wanting what you want" and nothing else will do. hehehe

Hmm I misplace my keys often I know a good home for you remote finder.









You are a good thoughtful caring person, WE KNOW that. NOT bad at all.

Happy New Year,
Melanie
</span>


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## miko's mommy (Feb 8, 2005)

I don't even expect my husband to go out and buy me gifts all by himself...after all I am not willing to go to the mall myself to get him stuff!!!! So instead, I just decide what I want and we buy it for me together, lol. This year I really wanted an extra wedding band to wear with my engagement ring and the wedding band (so I would have three rings on the ring finger). So off we went to the jewelery store and got it for me!! Maybe its lame, but it works for me. I get what I really want and I don't have to make him do it. In return my husband wanted nothing (he is such a guy) soooo, he really didn't get anything. Gotta love my husband-- we have one checking and one savings account so its not like its really like getting gifts from each other anyways.

I say, just enjoy your relationship and who cares about the gifts?


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## I found nemo (Feb 23, 2006)

My Nick is very how should I say it Forgetful








He doesn't even remember our email addy (We have the same one for 9 years) and it's our anniversary date 5-26-91








But he is such a great guy and a wonderful Dad that most times I just let it slide, cause I am so grateful he is in my life. He buys Jewelry also, I have it coming out of my BUTT. I only wear my wedding band, not even my engagement ring. I just act surprised and put it in my jewelry box. Guys are just like that they don't realize how dumb they are







Just kidding!!









ANDREA!


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## arko (Dec 4, 2006)

**gulp** a thought just came into my head. what is the actual ratio of male members and female members on this board..... feels like it could be a really lopsided ratio. 

anyways, speaking as a guy, we are not ALL like that.... especially myself personally having to live in a culture where everybody is mainly asian, we guys (regardless of race - the key is if you are in hk) have to pay for close to everything..... i've spoken to expatriates here and it's pretty much the same.... the guys x'mas gift always costs much more than the girls x'mas present. 

not that i don't sympathize; as husbands and b/f's of members of this forum really should do a lot more especially if they have a pretty good job.


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## winterc0ld (Aug 9, 2006)

well lucky for me after all the scolding my bf got from me for not buying me birthday presents he bought me a nice necklace from perlini slivers


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## camfan (Oct 30, 2006)

> Hmmm.......
> As a guy.... I understand the need to give
> meaningful gifts (including those specifically
> requested - it shows you're listening - at least
> ...


Awww, what a sweet thread







I loved hearing this and, from what I know as a woman, you are 100% correct. 

And you sound like you are very well trained (<<Pam ducks and runs>>)


















> I know....I feel really bad and superficial to complain about my gifts....LOL I can't help it!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Oh gosh I'm cracking up about this. A BBQ set?







You poor thing. Sounds like a classic blunder you'd read in a book like "Men are from Mars..." I'd actually suggest that every couple read that book. Another good one is "If Only He Knew" for the guys (forget the author's name) and there's a companion book written for the woman as well (if you find one on Amazon, you're bound to find the other too). Understanding male and female psyche helps tremendously in a relationship running smoothly. I thought I knew everything until I read those books--SO much useful information. My suggestion is to communicate to him (in a non defensive way) that you are hurt and tell him why--if you haven't already. If he's a keeper he'll make sure it doesn't happen again. But remember, men are from Mars and he's bound to "slip up" occasionally! You're a good sport for not throwing a fit--I wish I could have seen your face when you opened the BBQ set! Poor thing


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## Jacki (Jul 13, 2006)

> No household appliances or
> everyday items like deodorant or Top Ramen.[/B]


I'm rolling laughing at this, Cary. It's kind of a tradition in our family to put things like deodorant, new razors, and other everyday stuff in the stockings along with fun things like candy, perfume, new gloves, etc. -- but I can't say I've ever found Top Ramen in there.


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## louis' mom (Jul 7, 2006)

> > index.php?act=findpost&pid=309580
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I think Cary is on the right track - I have a rule that presents must be almost useless (no appliances, no household goods, no everyday things) just things that I want (not necessarily need) and make my life or me more pretty, cute, soft and makes me gitty. That is the only hint I give my husband. I am evil. But he surprises me everytime and I love it. Poor hubby - my bday is 1.5 weeks from xmas - so he has a double wammy! 

I really don't get how your bf didn't get you one thing off your list in the right size. Did he think he was going to wear the clothes? Sounds like he was shopping for himself rather than you!


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## Baxter and Wally's Mom (Aug 18, 2005)

Wow! I think if my hub went shopping at all I'd be thrilled! I guess that is why Christmas has gotten so materialistic these days. It should never be about "stuff." If stuff is what will make you happy, go buy it for yourself, then the things he buys will just be for fun. I think guys just shop differently. He saw things he thought were great, and bought them. Sounds like a good guy. I'm sorry you were disappointed.


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## momtoboo (Jan 30, 2006)

AWWWW Andrea, I'm sorry you got disappointed. I hope you have talked to the BF about it. This would be a good time for him to learn better shopping skills.LOL I've gotten some pretty bad stuff too,like a winter coat in size 1X & I"m a size 6 or 8 at the most. One year, I got dishes & glassware & a crockpot. Then there were the jewelry years. He was trying hard though & I always gave him A for effort. Next came the "pick it out yourself" years & the money in a card years. OH, I almost forgot about the New Car







, that was a good year. I have as much trouble getting my hubbie a gift though. He has most everything already & I can't afford to buy the things he hasn't already gotten for himself. So, we now just think of something we can both enjoy, like a trip or a new TV & enjoy it together. I'm perfectly capable of picking out & buying my own attire & personal things. So I finally let him off the hook. I can certainly understand how you feel though. I had a few of those years myself. Hope next year is much better for you.


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