# Can you offet advise to heal my broken heart?



## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

I am in such pain I just don't know what to do with it. I think you know me. I don't pull any punches, I present myself honestly here...and I believe I have friends who appreciate that about me. You may or may not know that I am suffering the recent and unexpected death of my sister. It is so much more painful than the yearly deaths of my older relatives.. I feel like I am lying on the floor bleeding, when my oldest friend took the opportunity to kick me in the gut. She send me a short e-mail saying that she doesn't want to associate with me. I am in so much pain. But on the other hand, I am furious. Could anyone on earth have managed to be more cruel? Am I so despicable that my oldest friend could not give me a tiny bit of leeway

Okay, what I am asking for here is reassurance that I am not the most worthless human being on the face of the earth.

If you know me...and if you like me...please, please, please tell me so.

Here I am with a broken heart, and my oldest friend thought this would be a good time to plunge a knife in it. Here I am thinking that maybe I am a worthless piece of crap. 

Dear friends, please help me. Please tell me that I am not a worthless piece of crap.


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## maggieh (Dec 16, 2007)

Sylvia, hugs to you!


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## wkomorow (Aug 26, 2011)

Sylie said:


> I am in such pain I just don't know what to do with it. I think you know me. I don't pull any punches, I present myself honestly here...and I believe I have friends who appreciate that about me. You may or may not know that I am suffering the recent and unexpected death of my sister. It is so much more painful than the yearly deaths of my older relatives.. I feel like I am lying on the floor bleeding, when my oldest friend took the opportunity to kick me in the gut. She send me a short e-mail saying that she doesn't want to associate with me. I am in so much pain. But on the other hand, I am furious. Could anyone on earth have managed to be more cruel? Am I so despicable that my oldest friend could not give me a tiny bit of leeway
> 
> Okay, what I am asking for here is reassurance that I am not the most worthless human being on the face of the earth.
> 
> ...


You are one of the sweetest, kindess, and most caring person I know. I am so sorry that you are feeling such sadness, you are a wonderful supportive friend. Lot's of love.


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## maltese manica (Nov 6, 2012)

I think your the best! Told that before Sylvia! I look up to you! Big hugs to you


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

Thank you my dear friends Maggie and Walter. I don't even have a hard time trying to be a good person, it takes me by surprise when others feel like having a multi million dollar salary is a good thing. This world is...by design...good and evil. I think I stand firmly on the side of good...of evolution, progression and hope, I try to be a good human being.


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## maltese manica (Nov 6, 2012)

You are a good person with the kindest heart! If she is going to toss you aside well mam it's her loss and our gain to have you in our life's!


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## Fluffdoll (Aug 9, 2012)

Hi Sylvia! I can't imagine the pain you're going through, but I can reassure you that what you aren't worthy of is treating yourself this way. You are very valuable to all of us who know you here. I don't personally know you, but I do know from a lot of your posts that you are a very wise woman, who appreciates beautiful things even in hard times. Have faith in God that He will heal your pain. I know for a FACT that if you pray to Him with faith, He will help and strengthen you! I know He has done so with me at my hardest times when I have been very sick and "apparently" alone, but He was always there for me. Today the past is just bad memories for me because of Him. I know you will get through this, you'll be victorious if you DON'T put yourself down. Don't do it anymore! And don't let ANYONE else do so either. If your oldest "friend" did that, then that person probably wasn't very sincere with you. You're better off without fake people in your life! 
This life is tough, but we need to be brave. Keep appreciating those beautiful gifts God sends you, they are for *you* to be *happy*! I love you!!!


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## Piccolina (Dec 25, 2009)

S.......Sweetest Sylvia, how could you think for a minute that you are worthless?:smilie_tischkante:

Y.......You know we all love you:smootch: but let us reassure you here, again, a million time, you are admired and loved:aktion033:

L........Love is what you radiate, and if others don't see it, it's their loss:duh oh:

V.......Very happy to have you as our friend:chili:

I........In my opinion you are an Angel in disguise:innocent:


A.......And one more time I'll say it: YOU ARE LOVED BY ALL OF US AT SM:heart:





*


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

Thank you Marisol and Janene. You know that I adore both of you, pretty, sweet young ladies. You know that I adore you both...and feeling your love is very special to me right now.:wub::wub::wub:


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

Piccolina said:


> S.......Sweetest Sylvia, how could you think for a minute that you are worthless?:smilie_tischkante:
> 
> Y.......You know we all love you:smootch: but let us reassure you here, again, a million time, you are admired and loved:aktion033:
> 
> ...


Oh and I truly love you, dear Sammy. You have a heart as big as the whole world and share it with all of us who listen.


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## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

Sylvia -- unfortunately, some people just don't deal well with other's pain or illness. I don't understand it, but I know it's true from personal experiences. I had something similar happen right after my Mother passed with one of my closest friends. And she's been true to her word and hasn't been there to support me through my cancer or through Jerry's death. And we had been close friends since high school so a long, long time. It hurt me so much at the time and it still hurts me. To think that someone would do this to a stranger, much less a friend, at one of the most vulnerable times in your life is just inexcusable, imho.

You know I love you dearly and I do understand the pain you're in. Really only time and a lot of hard work with help. There will be many rough days and a handful of better days but eventually you will make it through to the other side. But it's hard and the grief never really goes totally away -- it's just that it's not with you every waking minute (eventually). Sometimes, I just stood in the corner of my shower and cried and cried until either I couldn't cry anymore or until there wasn't any more hot water -- whichever came first. 

You also might want to talk to your doctor about an antidepressant as they help a little -- but they certainly don't take away the grief.

Honey -- you know I'm here if you need me or just want to vent or cry or talk or whatever. I love you and wish I could reach through the computer and give you a big, big hug.


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

Lacie's Mom said:


> Sylvia -- unfortunately, some people just don't deal well with other's pain or illness. I don't understand it, but I know it's true from personal experiences. I had something similar happen right after my Mother passed with one of my closest friends. And she's been true to her word and hasn't been there to support me through my cancer or through Jerry's death. And we had been close friends since high school so a long, long time. It hurt me so much at the time and it still hurts me. To think that someone would do this to a stranger, much less a friend, at one of the most vulnerable times in your life is just inexcusable, imho.
> 
> You know I love you dearly and I do understand the pain you're in. Really only time and a lot of hard work with help. There will be many rough days and a handful of better days but eventually you will make it through to the other side. But it's hard and the grief never really goes totally away -- it's just that it's not with you every waking minute (eventually). Sometimes, I just stood in the corner of my shower and cried and cried until either I couldn't cry anymore or until there wasn't any more hot water -- whichever came first.
> 
> ...


Lynn, you are the best friend ever. I have to admit right here and now, that I am so frightened of illness, that I do fall down. It just scares me to death and i do not know what to say or do. Please forgive me...I just am so scared that I don't know how to help.


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

I had a best friend for many years, it was usually pretty one sided, as time wen ton it was more so..I hurt my back and was laid up for almost 3 years, barely able to walk. She never came to visit but called a couple times or emailed.It was right on the way to work for her to stop... 
I'd always been there for her visited when she was sick..
It broke my heart,why had my friend done this? I realized,she wasn't my friend...I was her friend but she really wasn't mine... Sometimes if you can rationalize it, it helps... it helped me... There was a time when I thought I'd be all alone without her,even though I was married, nothing replaces a childhood friend...
I found that I didn't need my childhood friendship,I had my husband, the person who really was and is my best friend, the friendship went both ways... I had my fluffs...who always love you...
Look at it as, her loss, not yours, that isn't being conceited since you really haven't lost what never really existed...
I had another person tell me some people are in your life for the time you need them and they leave, sometimes happily,sometimes painfully..whatever the time was,is now completed...
She's moved out and your heart is open for new and special friends.

You have a kind heart,let it heal, let it be free of the past and look to a bright future where you are loved...Here on SM , your fluffs love and beyond...
Love to you Sylvia.


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## maltese#1fan (Feb 20, 2012)

Oh Sylvie, I'm so sorry you are feeling badly. Please don't let another's person's actions make you doubt that you are a wonderful person. It's very sad that when we need our friends the most, they let us down. But unfortunately, it happens all too often.

I am so very sorry about your sister. I wish there was something I could do to take away your pain. I'm still trying to deal with the death of my mom -- some days I think I'm doing okay and other days I just want to curl up in a ball and not get out of bed. 

I was recently given the pamplet "Grieving as a Woman" and I would like to share the following section with you:

"Claim what you need -- Women tend to nurture and care for others. In that process, we have a tendency to overlook the self-nurture and self-care we desperately need when we are caught in the grip of grief. Now, as you have for so many others through the years, turn that natural goodness on yourself. Rest... even if it's just an extra 10 to 20 minutes a day. Stop and be still... Surround yourself with what soothes: your favorite music, the people you enjoy being with, comfortable clothes, the outdoors. Your energy is limited these days. Restore it when and how you can.."

Sending you hugs.


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

michellerobison said:


> I had a best friend for many years, it was usually pretty one sided, as time wen ton it was more so..I hurt my back and was laid up for almost 3 years, barely able to walk. She never came to visit but called a couple times or emailed.It was right on the way to work for her to stop...
> I'd always been there for her visited when she was sick..
> It broke my heart,why had my friend done this? I realized,she wasn't my friend...I was her friend but she really wasn't mine... Sometimes if you can rationalize it, it helps... it helped me... There was a time when I thought I'd be all alone without her,even though I was married, nothing replaces a childhood friend...
> I found that I didn't need my childhood friendship,I had my husband, the person who really was and is my best friend, the friendship went both ways... I had my fluffs...who always love you...
> ...


:goodpost:


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## Grace'sMom (Feb 22, 2012)

:flowers:

You are always very kind to me and Gus and Grace.

And you are always kind to everyone on this board.

I am sorry you are hurting..... :hugging:


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

Sylie, I am sad that you are in so much pain, which can overwhelm us to the point where we can hardly even breathe. Not everyone understands that kind of pain, or can deal with it. Obviously your friend is one of those people. Just think of it this way, "as your fear of illness immobilizes you, so (just possibly) her fear of not knowing how to understand your pain immobilizes her." Maybe she really is a good friend, but she deeply fears your pain.
When we grieve everything becomes monumental, or "mourn-u-mental" as I am prone to say. Everything becomes topsy-turvey and out of proportion, because our hearts are bleeding. Everything takes on more significance . . . and absolutely nothing makes sense. The world goes on it's "tra-la-la way" and we wonder "how can they not feel my deep pain or see that I am bleeding?" 
I think you have some excellent advice here, but it may not reach/touch you where you hurt the most. Maybe you need to figure out where this deep fear of illness originated? Go back to the source and try to make some sense of why it plagues you. Obviously your sister's death is surfacing some of these feelings, which is totally understandable. I would even dare to say, and forgive me if this seems unkind as it is not meant to be, that this might be a positive place in your life where you confront your fear and take it captive. _*It may be your sister's last & best gift to you*_. Try & think of it that way, just for a little while. If I am wrong, and often I am, I apologize even now. 
One of my all time favorite quotes is "strawberries grow best in manure!"
It is because I value you, we all value you so much, that we see your bleeding and come to your side. We cannot heal your hurt, but we can help bear your pain. 
Much love, many prayers!


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## socalyte (Nov 15, 2010)

Sylvia, having had the chance to know the delightful person you are in person, I just want to tell you how very loved and appreciated you are. I can't understand people who are so hurtful. While I can't know another person's heart or motivation, I will say I can't understand how someone could find it necessary to be so unkind. Big hugs, my dear friend.


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## Zoe's Mom88 (Apr 25, 2011)

So sorry for the loss of your sister....that alone is devastating and on top of it a dear friend has hurt you. From what I know of you here on SM you are caring, kind and have a huge heart. Surround yourself with people who do love you. Stay strong. Hugs!


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

Sylie said:


> I am in such pain I just don't know what to do with it. I think you know me. I don't pull any punches, I present myself honestly here...and I believe I have friends who appreciate that about me. You may or may not know that I am suffering the recent and unexpected death of my sister. It is so much more painful than the yearly deaths of my older relatives.. I feel like I am lying on the floor bleeding, when my oldest friend took the opportunity to kick me in the gut. She send me a short e-mail saying that she doesn't want to associate with me. I am in so much pain. But on the other hand, I am furious. Could anyone on earth have managed to be more cruel? Am I so despicable that my oldest friend could not give me a tiny bit of leeway
> 
> Okay, what I am asking for here is reassurance that I am not the most worthless human being on the face of the earth.
> 
> ...


Sylvia, you asked me if we could talk on the phone about this ... which we did. I tried to assure you that the person who sent you that email is not your friend. For someone to be so blunt ... as to tell you that they don't want to associate with you, is not your friend. Perhaps she was a good friend at one time in your life. However, unfortunately, some people change as the years pass. 

I tried to assure you over and over that it is not you. We talked about what a loving husband you have. Now if Alan told you he didn't want to have anything to do with you ... well, then that might be cause for concern. But, according to what you have shared with me, Alan adores you.

And, you have ladies here on Spoiled Maltese that you have met you in person ... friends who have said so many lovely things about you. They would not say that if it were not true, right?

You and I have had many in-depth conversations over the phone. I have always been there for you whenever you have asked if we could talk. And, the last time we spoke, you told me you felt better after we talked. However, I felt that you feeling better was just a temporary thing. You have a lot of pain that needs to surface and be confronted ... before you can ever begin to truly heal. I think you know what I am talking about.

So, with that ... please know that whenever you ask if we can talk on the phone, I am still here. But, you know that. 

I love you, Sylvia.


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## mdbflorida (Feb 28, 2013)

Sylvia, don't let people bring you down. In the short time that I have been on here, you have always been one of the sweetest people. Hang in there and don't let life you get you down.


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## The A Team (Dec 1, 2005)

Sylvia, the loss of your sister is a tragedy, but the loss of a person who decides you are not worthy of their friendship....well, that's her loss, not yours. Life is too short, you are a good person...you know it and we know it. Mourn the good memories you've had with that friend...then dwell on your life - cause life is short. I've always thought if maintaining a friendship is a lot of work (like walking on eggs)...it's not worth it. I'd rather be having fun with people who do like me!! 

Was this person truly close to you? Maybe you've just grown apart in different directions....

Want us to go beat her up???


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## pippersmom (May 21, 2012)

Oh Sylvia, I am so sorry for everything you are going thru. You are always so kind and helpful and respectful to others needing advice here. A true friend would never abandon you the way yours just did, so was was never really a friend. You deserve so much better than her. Big hugs to you dear sweet lady.


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## cyndrae (Aug 30, 2009)

Thinking of you sweet Sylie!!


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## Maidto2Maltese (Oct 19, 2004)

Sylvia, I am so saddened to come this morning and seeing your post. I first and foremost want to tell you I think you are an AMAZING person! ..and I sincerely mean that.
I can somewhat relate to your situation. I lost my dear sister to cancer. She was my best friend, she was my support in life, and her passing left a void that can never be filled. That terrible loss was followed by my remaining sister and brother shutting me out of their lives and that devestated me. I would never, ever have dreamed this would have happened. It's not like I 'got' everything... I didn't. It all went to my other sister. ( I actually WAS supposed to .. but lawyers seriously messed up ...long story... and a previous, very old will was the one that was 'legal"). A friend's brother who was an attorney said I should fight it and had good case, but I couldn't do that to my family. I was executrix but waived the normal 10% compensation... again I couldn't do that to my family. 
I was the one who took care of my deceased sister for months before her passing...I vowed to her that she'd be able to pass in her home. My other sister and brother did nothing... not even visit her. When my sister passed , though I knew it was ineveitable,,, I was still devestated.... and the last days were very very difficult. My other sister and brother were spared the 'nightmare' of seeing her thru those terrible last days. 
I was shocked to find they were not there for me to help me thru what I had gone thru... they totally shut me out.
I tell you all this because as bad as losing my beloved sister was... the "loss' of my remaining brother and sister took me to a very bad place mentally! ...it ALMOST put me over the edge! The hurt was beyond words. 
It took me a very long time to come out of that deep pit of feeling so abandoned. I was shocked because I was always there for both of them over the years. I have no regrets over that, but still shocked.
Oddly, to this day I don't know the reason! .. and at this point I don't care... I just know I did nothing. It may have been because I did tell my sister my deceased sister's wishes regarding other people ( not me) as to what she wanted them to have. I wasn't 'bossy' about it..simply stated what I knew that she wanted. Maybe a reason for them to be 'annoyed' but certainly not to point of shunning me! 
I got deeper and deeper into that 'dark-place'. Oh I still 'functioned' on a day to day basis..but barely. Then one day.. for some reason I have no idea why or how.. I decided I'd not allow them to totally consume my life. There were still a lot of good things in my life and I was not appreciateing them due to being so overwhelmed with 'grief' of being shunned by my family. I guess I 'got my Irish up' and decided NO!...NO MORE!!! I KNOW I did nothing to deserve this treatment and if that's how they wanted it...then so be it! Not to sound a braggart but I know I'm not a malicious person and in fact I try as best I can to be a good person.. to help if needed and if I can. Of course I have my faults but purposely hurting someone is simply not me. 
So Sylvia I say all this because you know in your heart you are a good person!! You know in your heart you don't deserve to be 'shunned'. I don't know you personally but have read enough of your posts to have pretty good insight as to the type of person you are. Don't let ANYONE make you feel differently! To lose someone dear thru death is a heartache for sure... to lose someone dear thru 'estrangement' I think is even harder BUT if looked at 'clearly' I think you'll find there was 'something-missing' in that relationship all along and the loss maybe not so much of a loss as it seems. 

Naddie>> Ms. Sylie, don't feel bad abouts yourself!! We loves youse and don't want to to be sad!! 
Quincy>> Yes, Ms. Sylvia we knows youse ib a berry sincere and kind person and don't let anybody make you feel that youse ib not!


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## preisa (Mar 7, 2013)

Here is my two cents..for what it's worth...what came to me as I read your post...is actually what a strong person you are...it takes a lot of courage to bare your soul and ask for help and reassurance. I respect you for that...and it also makes me realize you will walk through this troubled time and will be stronger for it! Many of us have walked your journey and are here to let you know.....this too will pass......as I read the posts from your friends it tells me you are loved and not facing this time alone. Sometimes this life gets very tedious....but when times are good..they are really good! We look back and remember not the sorrow..but the love that surrounded us and held us up! Take time to grieve the loss of your sister...but also forgive your "friend" so that you can move on down the road! God bless you!


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## Furbabies mom (Jul 25, 2011)

Aww Sylvia, my heart is breaking for you, as I feel the pain that you are going through. You are so vulnerable right now, mourning the loss of your sister. Your (friend) is not really a friend! A friend will stand by you, and support and love you through good times as well as the bad. It does no good to worry about something that may or may not happen. Live your life to the fullest, and surround yourself with positive loving people. My personal opinion of you , from knowing you on SM is..you are so intelligent, one of the wittiest people that I know, loving, creative and you seem like a very strong person. I love you Sylvia, and I know that you'll get through this period in your life. Try(I know it's hard) to think of fond memories of your sister, choose something that you're really looking forward to, and think about that. Don't allow your friend to make you miserable, it's best to just let that go and enjoy your life with your hubby and your sweet fluffs, and know that we are here for you. 
Hugs to you Dear Sylvia, and may every day get better and better for you ! God loves you, and so do I!


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## sherry (Jan 4, 2013)

preisa said:


> Here is my two cents..for what it's worth...what came to me as I read your post...is actually what a strong person you are...it takes a lot of courage to bare your soul and ask for help and reassurance. I respect you for that...and it also makes me realize you will walk through this troubled time and will be stronger for it! Many of us have walked your journey and are here to let you know.....this too will pass......as I read the posts from your friends it tells me you are loved and not facing this time alone. Sometimes this life gets very tedious....but when times are good..they are really good! We look back and remember not the sorrow..but the love that surrounded us and held us up! Take time to grieve the loss of your sister...but also forgive your "friend" so that you can move on down the road! God bless you!
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from Petguide.com Free App


What she said!! Sylvia, when you are down and out is when you find out who your true friends really are! And the ones who are not your friends fall off your back like the excess baggage they really are. It's OK to mourn the loss of this "friendship," but then get up, dust yourself off and take another step forward toward the light. You will walk out of this dark place.


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## sophiesmom (Apr 21, 2006)

Slyie, lowest piece of crap you are not!!! Sometimes people write things that they later regret and for her, there is no fixing it. Know in your heart that you did the best that was allowed by your sister for her, and rest you hurt heart. I myself am going through a heartache over a 17 year friendship that recently I found out was probably all one sided. I know how that feeling can be, even though she wasn't my sister. The sun came up today, enjoy every minute of it!!!!!


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## nwyant1946 (Jan 2, 2013)

*Some people are unable to handle loss...their own or somebody else's. Its sad but true. Write her off...its her loss and not yours. You find out who your true friends are when you are going through the really rough parts of life. Been there and done that.*

*You are an amazing person. You have helped me so much with Mia and your fluffs are so lucky to have you for a mommy.*

*We all care about you so much and are here whenever you need to vent. *

*Just always remember you are so NOT worthless...you are a friend to everyone here. Please continue to vent whenever you feel the need...someone is always here to read and respond...*


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## preisa (Mar 7, 2013)

God never created a nobody....you are somebody worthy....never...ever forget that!


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## chicklet and simba (Mar 19, 2013)

I don't personally know you but I wanted to let you know that unfortunately things like this happen, and more sadly I speak from experience. It's easy to think we did something wrong because we can and that's more controllable than thinking of other people being horrible. I would know, I went through something similar. So don't let it get to you... You have friends in this forum who care about you as evidenced by the posts in this thread and people like me who look forward to advice from fluff experts like you. That alone tells me that you are wonderful.

Simba sends his love and kisses!


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## pehirsch (May 13, 2013)

Sylvie,
My heart aches for you. I understand what it is to lose a sister. She was 17 when it happened. Every thing and everyone was to blame for the several emotions that I experienced. 

Since, I learned that there is a process I had to go through, it happened too, when i lost my mother six years later and again just a few weeks ago with me having lost my sweet little Maltese, Falcon, and it's decsribed by a woman by the name of Elizabeth Kubler Ross. 
Here is an explanation:
The Five Stages of Grief - Elisabeth Kübler-Ross & David Kessler

As far as your "friend", perhaps she really wasn't one any longer and just someone who by happenstance filled some 'space' in your life for as long as she did...like an old pair of shoes that you have that filled a need when they were new and are no longer useful but you've kept them around anyway.

So hugs to you from your virtual friends and thank you for the courage you have demonstrated to us by reaching out and asking for assistance in this very painful time. Just know my dear, this will pass.

Patricia


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## Yogi's Mom (Jan 6, 2013)

*I Love you BIG!!!!!!*
*You are A Delite TO Know.*
*Nickee Hugs for you Special Lady.*
*Sylie Time Will Heal .*


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

I am amazed by how many kind, wise, sensitive and thoughtful responses to my plea. So many that it would take all day to answer each one. Those of you who shared your own experiences, many that are worse than what I am going through, helped me to clearly understand that this is simply a part of the human experience. Life on earth is always a combination of opposites, good and evil, ecstasy and misery, light and dark. We are content, not when we ignore or hide from that which we find unpleasant, but when we say centered and accept both. You helped me to remember that. I have been on an emotional roller coaster lately. There have been times when I am so happy that I can not contain it, and of course, the times when I can't stop sobbing. It is time to achieve balance. Thank you all so much for 1. just telling me that you appreciate me. 2. Telling me your own hard times. 3. Reminding me that this is only a brief part of my life and will change 4. Sticking up for me.

But, I must say that Pat's offer to go beat "her" up was the best. :innocent:


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## Maidto2Maltese (Oct 19, 2004)

Sylie said:


> But, I must say that Pat's offer to go beat "her" up was the best. :innocent:


LOL.. just let us know when and where !:HistericalSmiley::thumbsup:


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## lynda (Oct 11, 2005)

Sylvia, I am sitting here with tears in my eyes and chills on my body. What your so called best friend did to you was very cruel. 

You are a lovely person and I am so happy to have had the opportunity to meet you in person and I look forward to seeing you again. Don't let the voice of one person ruin your self esteem. As you can see, you have many people right here on this site that think your are worthy of their friendship and support. Please don't let one bad apple spoil the bunch.

The sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar they'll be sun:thumbsup:


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

Maidto2Maltese said:


> LOL.. just let us know when and where !:HistericalSmiley::thumbsup:


I'll PM her address to anyone who wants to join the posse.:HistericalSmiley:



lynda said:


> Sylvia, I am sitting here with tears in my eyes and chills on my body. What your so called best friend did to you was very cruel.
> 
> You are a lovely person and I am so happy to have had the opportunity to meet you in person and I look forward to seeing you again. Don't let the voice of one person ruin your self esteem. As you can see, you have many people right here on this site that think your are worthy of their friendship and support. Please don't let one bad apple spoil the bunch.
> 
> The sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar they'll be sun:thumbsup:


I'm sorry I made you sad. Ironically, there is no sun and it may even rain today. It NEVER rains in CA in June.

Oh but, when I opened my eyes this morning there was pink light coming in the bedroom window. I got up to see a glorious sunrise. Hmmmm we only have magnificent sunsets and sunrises when there are clouds in the sky....food for thought.


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## lynda (Oct 11, 2005)

Sylie said:


> I'll PM her address to anyone who wants to join the posse.:HistericalSmiley:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Sylvia, I said TOMORROW, not today:HistericalSmiley:


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

lynda said:


> Sylvia, I said TOMORROW, not today:HistericalSmiley:


You are funny. I wish we could go to IHOP for breakfast.:wub:


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## lynda (Oct 11, 2005)

I wish we could too girlfriend, that would be really nice.!!!!!!!


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## ckanen2n (Jan 2, 2012)

Sylvia, I only met you for a short time, but I feel we really connected! Your warm friendship was immediate and I felt like we had known each other of years! I wish we lived closer so we could spend time together and talk. I am so sorry your friend hurt you like this, but I have always believed that "When God closes a door, he opens a window!" Try to do things that comfort you now and keep an eye on the that window! 
Here for you!
XXOO Carole


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## dntdelay (May 27, 2011)

Sylvia I have never met you but what everything that you have posted tells me that you are a loving person. I am sorry about your sister, and about that #$#$% friend forget about her you have us!!! :wub:


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## hoaloha (Jan 27, 2012)

Sylvia, I can't even imagine the depth of pain I would feel in losing my sister. I don't want to imagine it because I know it would tear me apart. You must be going through so much pain and more... but you WILL get through it. Sometimes, people are cruel and hurt us, but you must not let that affect your self-worth. you ARE loved and appreciated. I've always appreciated your candor and humor... but most of all, your kindness and support. :HUG: to you. Obi and Owen send you puppy kisses as well.


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## zooeysmom (Aug 1, 2011)

Dear Sylvia, 

I'm so sorry you've been having a rough time :'( You are absolutely one of my favorite people on SM. You make me laugh, you make me think, and you've always supported me and other people when we've needed you. I'm sickened by your "friend's" reaction to your grief, but I can totally relate. This past year, I lost all of my friends and my relationship with my sister went downhill as well. I felt like I had nobody! And of course, it was because I needed everyone the most--my health was poor and my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. It is really fascinating how common this story is, after reading all the posts. It makes the scientist in me want to research this phenomenon. If I can offer you any hope, things have gotten so much better for me when I released all the negative people in my life. While I was lonely for a long time, I have moved to Nor Cal (so maybe we can get together someday!) and have started the journey of making new, quality friends. As Carole said, "When God closes a door, he opens a window!" I really believe this is true. 

Sending you lots of hugs and kisses!


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## Minty (Aug 29, 2012)

Sylvia, i am so sorry for your loss and to hear you are going through this very painful time in your life. It seems you have been dealt blow after blow with hardly a chance to catch your breath and wrap your mind around it all. I am so sorry that your friend has been so deficient in helping you through this. It is clearly her lacking, no yours. Please know that your value is immeasurable!! And certainly not measured by her. It is clear that you are loved dearly here. Xoxo!!!


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## Deborah (Jan 8, 2006)

I am so very sorry for the pain you are going through. I have never met you in person, I only know you from your posts. To me you are such a sweet and positive person.
We all go or will go through times of sadness in our lives and that is something we have to accept. Grieve the loss of your sister and the loss of your (not so good friend) go ahead and cry buckets of tears go punch a pillow. Just acknowledge that right now you are not in the best place but before you feel better you are going to be sad.
Go and hug your husband and cuddle with your fur babies.:grouphug:


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## Leila'sMommy (Oct 20, 2012)

Oh no, Sylvia! I am just now learning about the loss of your sister. I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I lost a brother 6 1/2 years ago and I know how painful it is to lose a sibling that you love so much. 

As for what this "friend" said to you, well, that doesn't sound like much of a friend. From everything I've read here that you've ever written, you are such a kind, funny, and very likable person. I don't know why she said that because I can't imagine you ever being that way. 


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

Got my calendar open for the time and place of the smack down. :chili::chili:

Dearest Sylvia - I saw this post yesterday but I can't reply on my **** iPad. :angry::blink: Ugh, and then never got on my computer. 
Your sister's death was so shocking and so gut wrenching that only time will help to heal those wounds but that friend truly rubbed salt in them. As others have said, that's not the definition of a friend. Your life is better without her negative energy. It was really like kicking someone when they're down.

You have been such a light for so many on SM. Your compassion, big time humor (you know we share that girlfriend as well as our short stature), your warmth all have come through whether we've met you just on line or in person. I couldn't imagine SM without you; thus our lives without you in it. So good riddance to old friends and thank God for the new ones on SM. I swear I find most of this group so much more fun to be with, stimulating and smart than the old friends I have around here. It's been a blessing. So never feel bad about yourself, Sylvia. You are cherished by us.

I hope that these posts have helped but I also know that you shared with us a while ago that sometimes you have suffered from depression. I'm hoping that you'll go for some professional help to try to deal with it. Try to find a good therapist and if you need antidepressants, they do wonders for many people. I'm just worried that if you're really depressed that you need more than just our supportive words.

And yes -- truer words never spoken and they were spoken by you: * I got up to see a glorious sunrise. Hmmmm we only have magnificent sunsets and sunrises when there are clouds in the sky....food for thought.*
:smootch::grouphug::sLo_grouphug3:


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## hoaloha (Jan 27, 2012)




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## TLR (Nov 13, 2011)

Dear Sylvia, you are such a loving caring person with a wonderful heart. You have supported and shared in all of our happiness and grief and we couldn't ask for a better FRIEND. Thank you for being here for all of us and for your love and kindness and of course, that wonderful wit. Please know you are loved.
PS count me on Pats offer as well!!!!


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## eiksaa (Jun 8, 2012)

Agreed with everything Susan said. Good riddance for 'friends' who couldn't be around when the going got tough. Who knew what her reasons were, but I certainly wouldn't let myself be perturbed by actions of others that I have no control over. Everything happens for a reason, in this case it showed you this person probably wasn't a true friend anyway.

I also agree with everyone who said about getting professional help. You've been dealing with a lot, it might help to talk to someone who is trained to listen.


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## casa verde maltese (Apr 7, 2007)

I have had friends like this.. I could tell you tales that would curl your toes, but the bottom line is. There are people out there that will use you, not in the money or for things kind of way - but emotionally! You are the person they rely on to pick them up when they are down, brush them off, buck them up and send them out into the world. When you are the one needing the extra hug, they fall apart - you're supposed to be the one who takes care of them - not the other way around. Yes, time will help, there are no quick fixes, it is one foot in front of the other and remember to breathe. Many people love and care about you and this person obviously has her own issues and she is going to miss you and her loss. Have you done grief counseling? If not, check into - it might help. I feel that talking to a person who I have no history with - helps me to be honest with myself and to them.. no history, no reason to make it look better than it is. But know that so many people love and care for you and want the best for you!!


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

For those who suggested professional help...I did much better, I talked with Marie and wrote back and forth with Lynn. Then all of you really, really, really helped. I'm going to be okay. There will probably be more times when I hurt really bad, but I am getting better. Every single post has given me new insight.


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## educ8m (May 19, 2010)

Sylvia,
I am sorry that I am just now seeing this. You have been given some wonderful advice and support. It is touching to see how our SM friends rally around with love and support when one of us in need. 

I just have to say that it was one of the highlights of my trip to Orlando to get to meet you and share time together. You have so much friendship to give. It oozes from your pores. As others have said, your best friend may be one of those who has depended on you to support her and is incapable of reciprocating when you are in so much pain. I wish I was there to give you a big hug and a shoulder to cry on. 

I don't know how you feel about medication, but when my dad died it was extremely helpful to me to get a very mild antidepressant. It didn't take away the grief, but it helped dull the intensity of the pain. My physician was the one who suggested it. She took the same medication when her mother died. 

I hope you are feeling better today. As you can see from all the responses, you are loved! It will take time to work through your grief. I took a class on death and dying years ago and it sticks with me that all the research indicates that it takes at LEAST three years to go through the grieving process.


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## MalteseJane (Nov 21, 2004)

So sorry for the loss of your sister. :grouphug: As for your friend, she was not a friend in the first place. A real friend does not let another friend down. Unfortunately we realize who our true friends are only in a time of need.


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## CorkieYorkie (Apr 10, 2012)

I have lost friends too, for one reason or another. Usually it is time and distance, or just me being myself and making mistakes that obviously were unforgivable in their eyes... but the way I rationalize it, is that they are not a "true" friend if they can't accept you for who you are. If they can't accept the true you, then they aren't worth being friends with. You are better off, and she is the one who is losing out. 

I am sorry again about your sister, and I agree that this is kicking you when you're down; again, not a quality one wants in a friend. You are better off without her :thumbsup:


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## Daisy's Mommie (Sep 24, 2012)

I agree with everyone else. I too, have not had the pleasure of meeting you in person, but I think that we get to know each others heart by the words we say and by expressing the love in our hearts. If I may say so, your friend was NOT your friend. Friends feel each other's pain, dry each others tears and and are there when times are hard and when life is easy. Her loss is truly our gain. Hold your head high and count yourself fortunate that she showed her true colors so you don't have to expend any more energy and time in this one-sided friendship. We are here for you. Much love and many hugs..Abby


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## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

Sylvia, you made me cry, you are a wonderful person, yes you can be blunt at times, but I don't find that you are hurtful in anyway, I have come to really love people who have tact and are truthful, I am way to old to play the game of not being loving and honest. You remind me so much of my friend Callie, maybe that's why I love you so much. I have been so hurt by one of my friends years ago, I never trusted anyone until I met my friend Callie, we have struggled from time to time in our friendship but it only brought us closer to one another and to God. Sylvia I know your hurting so deeply, I am giving you the best advise ever, Lean on the Lord, he will NEVER leave you or forsake you, others will but not the Lord. Christ is my best friend, he knows everything about me and still loves me, he listens to me talk with him and never gets bored. he's always there for me, what more could I ever want in this life.
I love you, wish I could give you a BIG hug, just know in time the pain will become less in time


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## mysugarbears (Aug 13, 2007)

Sylvia, i'm just now seeing this post. I'm happy to hear that your feeling better since talking to Marie. It broke my heart reading how much pain your in since losing your sister. As far as the friend, well she wasn't a friend in the first place to do something like that, they're what i call fare weather friends, i've had alot of friends come and go in my life, you just have to look at it as their loss not yours. You truly are a very special lady and i'm glad that i had the pleasure of meeting you at Nationals. :smootch: Wish i could give you a hug in person.

Kelly is sending her Auntie Sylvia lots of kissy kissy's. :heart:


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

mysugarbears said:


> Sylvia, i'm just now seeing this post. I'm happy to hear that your feeling better since talking to Marie. It broke my heart reading how much pain your in since losing your sister. As far as the friend, well she wasn't a friend in the first place to do something like that, they're what i call fare weather friends, i've had alot of friends come and go in my life, you just have to look at it as their loss not yours. You truly are a very special lady and i'm glad that i had the pleasure of meeting you at Nationals. :smootch: Wish i could give you a hug in person.
> 
> Kelly is sending her Auntie Sylvia lots of kissy kissy's. :heart:


Oh, kisses from Kelly are the best....I don't even know why, but I fell so in love with that little girl...so in love. Well, of course she is sweet and beautiful, buy every Malt is...Kelly just did something that made my heart melt...I love that little girl so much...and her mommy is okay in my book too:blush:


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## mysugarbears (Aug 13, 2007)

Sylie said:


> Oh, kisses from Kelly are the best....I don't even know why, but I fell so in love with that little girl...so in love. Well, of course she is sweet and beautiful, buy every Malt is...Kelly just did something that made my heart melt...I love that little girl so much...and her mommy is okay in my book too:blush:



Do i still have to keep my eye out for a run away truck heading towards me? :HistericalSmiley::HistericalSmiley: :HistericalSmiley:


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## babycake7 (Jan 30, 2012)

Sylvia, I am just getting caught up on SM after being on vacation so please excuse my slow reply but I just want to say SHAME SHAME SHAME to the person that you considered a friend and did something so deeply hurtful to you during such a dark time in your life. I have experienced the loss of many friends and family members over the years and it is during these times, that people show their true colors. If this person was your friend, she would have been there to hold you up as you dealt with your grief and loss. Though I have never met you in person, your kind heart and sweet spirit as well as the wisdom of your words has always shone through your posts. It is unfathomable to me that someone would make you feel so badly when you are obviously such an amazing person! You do not need them in your life so count yourself lucky, even though it hurt, to be rid of the negativity that surrounds that person. You are light and love and you should surround yourself with such. 

I am with Pat. I am down for a throw-down! Send me name and address and I will go ghetto-fabulous on someone's -ss! LOL. Bella and I send you warm hugs!


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## donnad (Aug 22, 2006)

Sylvia, I am sorry you are going through so much. Even though I have never met you, you seem to be a genuine sweet person. I pray in time, your heart will heal.


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

Snowball Pie's Mommi said:


> Sylvia, you asked me if we could talk on the phone about this ... which we did. I tried to assure you that the person who sent you that email is not your friend. For someone to be so blunt ... as to tell you that they don't want to associate with you, is not your friend. Perhaps she was a good friend at one time in your life. However, unfortunately, some people change as the years pass.
> 
> I tried to assure you over and over that it is not you. We talked about what a loving husband you have. Now if Alan told you he didn't want to have anything to do with you ... well, then that might be cause for concern. But, according to what you have shared with me, Alan adores you.
> 
> ...





Sylie said:


> For those who suggested professional help...I did much better, I talked with Marie and wrote back and forth with Lynn. Then all of you really, really, really helped. I'm going to be okay. There will probably be more times when I hurt really bad, but I am getting better. Every single post has given me new insight.





mysugarbears said:


> Sylvia, i'm just now seeing this post. I'm happy to hear that your feeling better since talking to Marie. It broke my heart reading how much pain your in since losing your sister. As far as the friend, well she wasn't a friend in the first place to do something like that, they're what i call fare weather friends, i've had alot of friends come and go in my life, you just have to look at it as their loss not yours. You truly are a very special lady and i'm glad that i had the pleasure of meeting you at Nationals. :smootch: Wish i could give you a hug in person.
> 
> Kelly is sending her Auntie Sylvia lots of kissy kissy's. :heart:


Darling Sylvia ... Thank you for the kind words.

However, as your friend, I am going to be concerned about you continuing to feel so down at times. You have been fighting depression for a long time ... every once in a while you have expressed feeling down in other threads/posts. My feeling is that the passing of your beloved sister, understandably, exacerbated you feeling depressed.

That's why I high lighted my first post (above) to you. You and I have shared a lot in confidence about one another. So, even though you felt better after we talked ... it is only temporary. 

So many of your other friends here have given you such wonderful support, feedback, and advice. You are so loved by so many caring and loving friends.

However, as Sue expressed ... a professional therapist could help you begin to heal. In order to do that, one has to feel comfortable confiding in someone whom you can trust one hundred percent. Even though we can share a lot about ourselves online ... some things are just too personal, don't you think? I'm speaking for myself, too ... you know that. 

Most importantly, a therapist can help us learn to begin to heal from those you might have hurt us emotionally and physically. A good therapist can help us learn ways to say no to those who hurt or have hurt us. Trust me, if you find the right therpist ... you will love her. I say *her* ... because I personally feel as though women can relate better to us on most things.

Please don't take what I am trying to express in the wrong way. Unfortunatley, and I think with the older generations, seeing a therapist can be taboo ... which is sad. Seeing a therapist should help uplift your spirits ... not pull you down. And, seeing a therapist does not mean there is something wrong with you, Sylvia. 

You will always have me to talk to, any time ... you know that. I have to laugh because like Kerry and I ... and, you and I, well, we can talk late at night and into the early morning hours, if need be. LOL

If ever I worry about anything, it is that my feelings and thoughts to friends that I care about will come across in the wrong way ... especially when I am writing thoughts online. I hope you understand what I am trying to say.

I love you, Sylvia ... you are a very dear and sweet friend.


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

Snowball Pie's Mommi said:


> Darling Sylvia ... Thank you for the kind words.
> 
> However, as your friend, I am going to be concerned about you continuing to feel so down at times. You have been fighting depression for a long time ... every once in a while you have expressed feeling down in other threads/posts. My feeling is that the passing of your beloved sister, understandably, exacerbated you feeling depressed.
> 
> ...


:goodpost:


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

Therapy can help.When I went through stuff with my parents, it helped me.I felt I had to do all I could for them and forgot about myself. Took my father's abuse while helping my mom...,he got so bad he actually wished me dead as well as her, so he could live his life...
It was more than I could handle alone,I couldn't concentrate,I got into an airplane for a flying lesson and couldn't remember what to do.That was it,I had to do something.

Finally I went to a counselor and at first I thought it wasn't helping,but as I started to think about the sessions and boundaries that people cross, it made me really think.It wasn't selfish to walk away from people you love that hurt you... So I set up my own boundaries and worked on not feeling guilty or letting them guilt me either...

Maybe going a counselor would help...I poo pooed it at first but it helped...
I didn't go on meds,that to me wasn't a way to deal with it,but talking did help. My friend asked me to go with her to Ala-non. Her husband was an alcohaulic and they go to Al-anon for non drinking spouse or family...
My adopted father wasn't a drinker but he was abusive. My bio parents were alcohaulics so maybe my inability to get away from caustic relatives and the pain their caused may have been from my upbringing...
that helped me too.I went with her for a couple months to weekly meetings... Helped me with a few drug and alcohol addicted friends I had in my life too..
It's not weakness to talk to a professional. I think it helps a lot. Pills on the other hand, for me are not proactive approach to working on a problem, but reactive and hoping it will help you not feel pain, to me if you're numb to pain, how do you know if the pain is gone for real?

Now I can look at my adoptive father without feeling dizzy and sick, pretty much ignore him no matter what he pulls.I also stay clear of him...not that he doesn't disgust me,he does,but disgust I can deal with..
In the meantime,I learn to grieve my mom's fading health with Alheimers, I grieved the loss of her mind and someday I will grieve the loss of her body but she will be released and I can find some solice in that.

I hope you can too. Don't let this consume you or your ex-friend wins, period...Look for joy in all things and it will find you.
Hugs!


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## Summergirl73 (Sep 18, 2011)

I'm just now seeing your post and just want to reach out and give you a huge hug. I love your spirit. You are fun, loving and full of passion. No one and I mean NO ONE can take that from you. You are imperfect. We all are. We are Gods children and we are merely works in progress. I hear your pain in your words and I understand your darkness. When Dad passed I was where you are. The depth of grief is hard to overcome. But you CAN overcome it. Give yourself time to feel the emotions and then give yourself permission to move forward. As far as your "friend" goes, I'd call her sorry butt out on your need for a bit of Grace right now. Maybe she doesn't realize she hurt you so deeply? Either way, you can only be true and honest with your feelings, and then move forward in the direction that life is leading you. I agree with the others that therapy can help if you allow it to. Leaning on your SM family helps too. We love you.


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## maltese#1fan (Feb 20, 2012)

Sylvia, many here have recommeded that you see a therapist. I going to suggest something slightly different. Do you have a hospice nearby? The hospice here offers counseling sessions both group and individual. It may not help with everything you are going through, but it may help with the loss of your sister. I was actually surprised that my dad went after the death of my mom. In fact, he still goes to the weekly session and is finding it very helpful. And the hospice chaplain calls him from time to time just to make sure he is doing okay. Considering my mom was only at hospice for a few hours before she died, I am amazed at how often they have reached out to my dad. 

Hope you are feeling a little better. Sending you hugs.


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

Gosh Sylie, I wish I lived closer & we could go to therapy together. :chili:I think I would benefit as much or more than you! I could keep you from getting lost and you could make me sit down & have a margarita!:thumbsup::wub::wub:


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

Gee, I am surprised to see more replies. I got distracted yesterday and my puter went to sleep while still on the forum, so it appeared that I was online when I wasn't.

I do want to address your replies, but I have a very busy day....I have to hurry up and clean the house before the housekeepers come:w00t:

I have a friend coming to visit for a couple of days, so I won't be here very much, but I will tell you all about it later.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:


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## GracieMyHrt (May 15, 2013)

I do not know you, and am pretty new to this forum, but I do send my hugs and hope that you can find your happiness. I am so deeply sorry for your loss, not only your sister but now your friend. Please know that things will get better and I pray that you can see your way through this. 


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

OK, so I had that margarita & packing seems much smaller than before! :HistericalSmiley:
Maybe I don't need therapy?:wub:


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