# Upset, hurt, .... don't understand



## munchkn8835 (May 23, 2010)

I visited my grandkids in TX last week as you all know. Not one picture of us having fun was posted.....or even taken. I had to practically beg my daughter to take a picture of me and Stryker and then me and all the grandkids. Anyway, my ex and their stepmom are visiting now and I'm pretty sick of seeing all the pics they are posting. I know I'm not pretty and young like their stepmom...don't wear loads of makeup or try to look 10 years younger than I am. I don't know whether to say something about the pic thing to my daughter or not. I really think it goes in one ear and out of the other with both my kids. They will tell you right in front of me how awesome their dad and stepmom are. They were wished Happy Anniversary over and over again on FB and didn't even mention our anniversary. I'm at the end of my rope. All they want me around for is buying stuff for them and that has come to a halt as of now!


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

I'm so sorry, Donna. This has me crying, because when I was young and stupid I favored my handsome, dynamic father over my poor sickly mother. I hope that your daughter sees the light before she finds herself crying, as I am now. I feel for you.


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## Furbabies mom (Jul 25, 2011)

Oh Donna, I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I can't imagine, I would do anything for my mom, and I know that my kids would do the same for me. Sendings hugs to you, you're very special , and I agree with Sylvia, about your daughter realizing the YOU'RE her mom and the kids GRANDMOTHER, not the stepmom!!!!!


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## mdbflorida (Feb 28, 2013)

I am so sorry. Did you have a good time while you were there? If so, you promote how wonderful the time with the grandkids was on Facebook maybe they will get the hint


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## Grace'sMom (Feb 22, 2012)

I understand....and I know my parents totally understand.

I'm sorry 

It is very sad... because you are such a lovely person, and I've never met you....


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## Yogi's Mom (Jan 6, 2013)

*Dont be Sad. Nickee**


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## Madison's Mom (Dec 26, 2007)

I'm sorry your feelings are hurt. I'm sure your grandchildren loved having you visit and thats the most important thing.


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## dntdelay (May 27, 2011)

I would be upset, hurt, and well pissed off!! Sorry! Sometimes we don't understand how hurtful we are being. I think that you should say something and don't be nice about it. Say what you are thinking and hopefully they will get the point!!


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## LoveLucy (Mar 18, 2012)

I think you should say something. Be direct. It's hard to do but it's better for YOU than dwelling on it, which will just make the hurt worse and worse.


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## Zoe's Mom88 (Apr 25, 2011)

So sorry your going through this. I definately would speak up and let them know how you feel and how hurt you are. If you really feel all they want is what your giving them then don't be so giving. I can hear how hurt you are and rightfully so, you should not be feeling this way at all. Hugs to you, Donna.


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

Donna - I'm so sorry. You, of all people, shouldn't be treated this way. I'm not that sure that some of the younger generation (we are lucky here on SM to have many younger members who are wonderful) really get what compassion and love is all about. They seem to be more impressed with flash and glitz and little substance. I would have the talk...about how they make you feel and indeed I wouldn't be their ATM for things they want. I say, love and spoil the grandkids but don't be taken for a ride by their parents. Sad to say this but they are old enough to understand what you've been through and how much you love them.


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## Maidto2Maltese (Oct 19, 2004)

Donna, I'm so sorry!! The way you have been treated is so wrong on so many levels! 
Don't not let their behavior affect YOUR self-esteem.... this is "ON-Them" not you! ..and also don't let your kind heart let them take advantage of you! 
Letting them know how hurtful their behavior is a good idea. It may not resolve anything ( people like this often just don't get-it even if put in front of their face) but at least you get it out. Then try to focus on the wonderful, precious time you had with the grandchildren.


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## poochie2 (Jan 14, 2010)

Donna.... so sorry you are feeling hurt about this. 
I just want to give you a big HUG ..... you truly are such a kind and loving person.


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## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

Donna -- this breaks my heart. You are such a kind and wonderful person and have been through so much. There is no reason for your daugher to act this way. 

Have you ever talked with her about how this makes you feel? If not, I would try to explain it to her. Or, if you don't feel that you can talk with her about it, I would write her a letter (or email) so that she could read it and have time to digest and understand how badly she's hurt you.

Sending lots of hugs to you and prayers that your daughter wakes up and realizes what a treasure she has for a mother.


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## MalteseJane (Nov 21, 2004)

View attachment 129761


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## Dominic (Nov 4, 2012)

It seems like it really hurts you to see all the pictures and to think they only want you around for you to buy things its very hurtful. 
I would like you to think about this: you are the only one responsible for your feelings and actions. Letting someone else to know how you feel takes a lot from you but at least you will be doing your part and then it will be on them. 
Please don't think as she more beautiful and younger as an advantage. We will all get old, even your daughter. Sad the one that doesn't appreciate the older ones. 


Sent from Petguide.com App


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## TLR (Nov 13, 2011)

Donna, so sorry you are dealing with this. I know how much you were enjoying the grandchildren on this visit. Try to think about the good times you had with them and forget the rest.


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## maggieh (Dec 16, 2007)

Donna, just sending you a huge hug and telling you that you are wonderful!!!!! My own mom was 35 when she had me, so not "youthful" when I was growing up but I wouldn't have changed it for anything. Now I miss her very much and wish she was still around!


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## Maglily (Feb 3, 2009)

That's so sad Donna, you deserve to be treated better. Yes I think you should ask her why she treats them one way and you another way. Sometimes expressing how you feel and asking exactly what they are thinking is the only way to know for sure. 
I don't blame you I would not feel like being as generous either. I'm sorry your trip had such a sour note and I hope things turn out better.


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## Summergirl73 (Sep 18, 2011)

This breaks my heart. Why is it we are sometimes the worst with the people we love the most? I find myself behaving like a jerk to my husband sometimes and I think I do this because it is "safe" to do so  . Maybe your kids find themselves doing the same thing? You are the one who will love them unconditionally forever. You are not the "shiny new thing that you can polish and put on the shelf" ~ you are the favorite quilt that keeps them secure and brings them comfort a makes them feel safe. I'd take the quilt any day of the week. Shiny and new eventually loses its charms. Mommas never do. Anyway, I'd have to to tell them how I felt if I were you. You don't have to be sad in silence. Sending you big hugs.


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## SammieMom (Nov 13, 2010)

I am so sorry Donna. Families members can be so cruel sometimes. they say we only hurt the ones we love. I hope you feel better and I would not spend my money on them. 
xxxx


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

Summergirl73 said:


> This breaks my heart. Why is it we are sometimes the worst with the people we love the most? I find myself behaving like a jerk to my husband sometimes and I think I do this because it is "safe" to do so  . Maybe your kids find themselves doing the same thing? You are the one who will love them unconditionally forever. You are not the "shiny new thing that you can polish and put on the shelf" ~ you are the favorite quilt that keeps them secure and brings them comfort a makes them feel safe. I'd take the quilt any day of the week. Shiny and new eventually loses its charms. Mommas never do. Anyway, I'd have to to tell them how I felt if I were you. You don't have to be sad in silence. Sending you big hugs.


:goodpost:


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## pippersmom (May 21, 2012)

I am so sorry you're treated like that. No mother should be made to feel that way. Sending you hugs and Pipper sends you lots of kisses.


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## Daisy's Mommie (Sep 24, 2012)

I agree that your daughter needs to know you feel. Don't beat around the bush either! Young people don't get the "hint" stuff. Tell her how hurt you are and that you are through with the "giving" the next move is hers. Kids can have numerous step-mothers but she will only ever have ONE mother! I would not be available by phone for a few weeks after I told her, either. Give her some time to think about what you have told her. Hopefully, this will help.


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## Bailey&Me (Mar 8, 2010)

I'm so sorry, Donna. That's so sad


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

I know ,family can be real turds. My father sends out Christmas letters full of how he and his boyfriends "do this,do that" and he quit mentioning his wife and kids a long time ago...
I guess you find out where your place is in their hearts when you cut off the money...

Your SM family loves and treasures you!:wub:


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## maltese#1fan (Feb 20, 2012)

Donna, I am so sorry that you are feeling sad. Sending you big hugs. :grouphug: I don't know if it helps, but your SM family loves you for who you are -- a kind hearted wonderful person.


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## Cyndilou (Jan 24, 2013)

So sorry. Kids today can just be rude and cruel. Including mine. Down right ungrateful. I could never have treated a relative like that growing up. My parents wouldn't have stood for it. The way I was raised I wouldn't dare do it to this day.


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## ckanen2n (Jan 2, 2012)

Summergirl73 said:


> This breaks my heart. Why is it we are sometimes the worst with the people we love the most? I find myself behaving like a jerk to my husband sometimes and I think I do this because it is "safe" to do so  . Maybe your kids find themselves doing the same thing? You are the one who will love them unconditionally forever. You are not the "shiny new thing that you can polish and put on the shelf" ~ you are the favorite quilt that keeps them secure and brings them comfort a makes them feel safe. I'd take the quilt any day of the week. Shiny and new eventually loses its charms. Mommas never do. Anyway, I'd have to to tell them how I felt if I were you. You don't have to be sad in silence. Sending you big hugs.


:goodpost:
I too, must reinforce what Bridget said. I think your daughter and her family will be quite embarrassed once they realize how hurtful they have been to you! Do talk to them, but try not to dwell on this too much. As in cognitive therapy, focus on what you have and the relationships you cherish! Hugs!


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

Donna, just a small "warning" so you are not taken off guard. I would not expect your kids to be positive in regard to your confronting them. I still think you will want to do it, but very carefully with lots of "I sometimes feel. . ." instead of "you" and "always" words. Even then I would not anticipate a positive response, but be thankful instead if there is one. 
In my confrontations I seldom get the response I am hoping for. . . but again, it is important to give them time to absorb the "shock" first and then come back through the back door at another time for discussion.
I would concentrate more on the relationships w/the grandkids. That is a bond no one can break!


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## munchkn8835 (May 23, 2010)

Thank you all for your help. I have tried to talk to them before about their stepmom and how it hurts me the way she seems to always do and say the right thing as well as their dad. My girls are not fond of Steve which makes it difficult. He doesn't understand why I let them treat me this way. My parents would have torn my backside up!! I tried to talk to them before me before the oldest got here for Thanksgiving. Wanted a dinner with just my daughters and it was a real chore getting that set up. I was given a list of what we could not talk about during our dinner. It included cancer, pets and their relationship with their stepmom among other things. I'm cutting the $$ off for my daughters but will continue doing what I want for my grandkids! So glad I have you all to talk to!


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## silverhaven (Sep 6, 2009)

I am so sorry, sounds like a bad situation all around  The don't talk about this or that sounds like they are feeling that they are maybe not enjoying their time with you, maybe totally wrong, and also really incredibly unsupportive of them in your current situation. I am wondering if a better way may be for you to say to them you miss the good fun times with them. No serious talks just maybe a couple of fun outings just enjoying the surroundings and the company. Include some occasional hand squeezing, and positive things, like "I am loving being with you" and try your best not to belabor things like FB posts etc. It is the memories and closeness that counts. 

Those are my thoughts/advice, take with a pinch of salt or don't take at all. PS. I do have 3 grown kids......


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## babycake7 (Jan 30, 2012)

My heart feels so heavy for you right now. I don't know what to say. I can't believe that they would give you a list of things that you can't talk about - particularly cancer and pets. Two very significant things in your life. Just awful. I'm just so sorry and Bella and I are sending you a very big hug!!


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## Bow (Dec 1, 2012)

Hello Donna. I don't think I've seen you on SM before because I don't have the time to come here as often as I'd like to, but I thought I would tell you how I'm sorry to hear you're being treated that way. That truly breaks my heart, and I hope you get things sorted and they'll eventually understand how they are hurting you and change their behaviour. Stay strong, things will get better one day! :grouphug:


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

babycake7 said:


> My heart feels so heavy for you right now. I don't know what to say. I can't believe that they would give you a list of things that you can't talk about - particularly cancer and pets. Two very significant things in your life. Just awful. I'm just so sorry and Bella and I are sending you a very big hug!!


Donna, I posted something earlier and I must have deleted it in err. It was something I had written on a more personal level and perhaps was a sign for me not to share too much online.

I'm thinking what your children are doing to you ... like trying to manipulate what you can do or say. You should be able to talk to your children about your pets and cancer. And, the pictures should have been taken when you asked for them to be taken with you and your grandchildren ... by your children. 

You could talk to your children about your hurt feelings. But, I would also think about the feedback Sandi gave you in regard to that. If it were me, I would wrote a handwritten letter and send it ... requesting a signature of who signed for it.

Donna, I will PM you my phone number ... just in case you would like to talk to me on the phone. I just don't want to share more personal information online. If anything, I am trying to help you see that you are not alone. You are a wonderful person, period. And, sadly ... sometimes bad things happen to good people. However, even when bad things happen to good people ... often the light shines through ... like with our beautiful grandchildren. Which means we know for sure then ... that we did something right.

Hugs and love.

Marie


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

Donna, from experience just let me say that your girls will probably say "you are being too sensitive." Earlier in life you probably also got critized for "not being sensitive enough." :smilie_tischkante: I think in some ways many of us have experienced similar, if different, situations that make us wonder where we went so wrong. But then there are the days when we realize, as Marie said, how very much worked out well in spite of our short-comings---and believe me no one is innocent here. That too is sadly spoken from experience! :brownbag: We are all "still in process." We are all vulnerable and more especially as we age or become ill. And just for the record I value vulnerability! :thumbsup:
I am not sure what I am saying here, except affirming everyone's remarks about how much value you have to us, how strong you are, how much we admire you---yes! :yes: admire is the word I would choose to describe how we feel about you! To us you are beautiful. Your tenacity and drive, if bottled and sold, would have to be auctioned at Southerbys. I mean that from my heart. :smootch:
It has been said by someone smarter than I am "that strawberries grow best in manure" and I think you have proved that to be true. :wub::wub:


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## CorkieYorkie (Apr 10, 2012)

This breaks my heart... if my parents ever felt like this it would break my heart  

My mother often complains about how her son and his wife don't bring their kids around as much as she'd like (or include them in special events, holidays, etc.), and she often compares how much time they spend with their other grandmother, who also watches them one day a week. Now, my sister in law's mother lost her husband about 10 years ago, while my mother has my father. I always tell her this to try and make her feel better, but who knows. 

My point is, when I have kids I'm going to try and make an effort to have them spend time with both grandparents so there are no hurt feelings. Family circumstances can get tricky... I just can't believe your daughter will continue to behave that way if she knew how you felt... I mean, YOU'RE her mother, not the stepmom... Idk, that is just how I feel!!


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## nwyant1946 (Jan 2, 2013)

michellerobison said:


> I know ,family can be real turds. My father sends out Christmas letters full of how he and his boyfriends "do this,do that" and he quit mentioning his wife and kids a long time ago...
> I guess you find out where your place is in their hearts when you cut off the money...
> 
> Your SM family loves and treasures you!:wub:


*I friggin' hate Christmas letters. My family never did that, thank God. My parents talked to people all year long, so there was never any need to do that. But, I get Xmas letters every year from people I could care less about...but they feel the need to tell me what their entire family has been up to for the year...ugh!!! If I was interested I would keep in touch with them...LOL*


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## nwyant1946 (Jan 2, 2013)

*I feel so bad for you. You are their mother and should be treated as such!!! The pictures should have been gladly taken at your request.*

*I agree with you that from now on you do for your Grandkids and not be a personal ATM for your kids. Let them know the bank is closed.*

*I'm sending big hugs from myself and Mia. Isn't this a great website...so many wonderful people and you are one of the best...*


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## MoonDog (Jun 6, 2011)

(((Donna))) Big hugs to you my friend. Enjoy your grandchildren and know that you are loved and you are beautiful.


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## maltese manica (Nov 6, 2012)

my feelings would be hurt as well! I never have met you, but can tell you are a good person with a big heart! Its to bad that your kids cant see you for you! I hope you can get to the bottom of the issue with them!


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## munchkn8835 (May 23, 2010)

Again, I thank you all. My daughter did finally acknowledge I also came to visit. Next visit we will not be going to the shopping mall, but rather the zoo, museum, playground, etc.!!! I'm starting a new thread with pictures of my visit and random ones. Hopefully I can remember how to do this!! You are all the best!!


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## Zoe's Mom88 (Apr 25, 2011)

So happy you spoke to you daughter and straightened things out. Can't wait to see pics of your visit.


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## silverhaven (Sep 6, 2009)

munchkn8835 said:


> Again, I thank you all. My daughter did finally acknowledge I also came to visit. Next visit we will not be going to the shopping mall, but rather the zoo, museum, playground, etc.!!! I'm starting a new thread with pictures of my visit and random ones. Hopefully I can remember how to do this!! You are all the best!!


That sounds really positive :aktion033::aktion033:


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## mfa (Oct 5, 2009)

Donna, I can't believe they would treat you that way and even give a list of topics to not talk about, wow. I am glad that you decided to not let them use you for money. Hope they start appreciating you, you are a wonderful and caring lady. HUGS


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