# How do you cope when your friend has terminal cancer?



## Rocky's Mom (Apr 10, 2010)

We've been best friends with Carol and Bruce for 32 years. We have gone on vacations together, saw each other's children and grandchildren being born, were together in good times and bad, love each other without judgement and conditions. Now one of us...Bruce is suffering...in stage four of prostate cancer. He's feeling so sick, vomiting and hurting, but being so brave. Now one of our foursome may be leaving us and I dont know how to cope. I have been online all day trying to find a clinical study or a place where they can take him and give him quality of life for a while longer. I can't stand the thought of him not being here. It's too close to home. My best friend Carol is suffering...and I'm hurting watching her suffer so. Please pray for Bruce and for Carol. They want to come visit us in April...I fear it may be too far away from now. They live in Ca. and we live in AZ. I'm ready to hop on a plane right now and go take care of Bruce while Carol has to work. Don't know why I'm telling you all this...but I know you all care. :crying:


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## RudyRoo (Jun 24, 2011)

We definitely do care Dianne! I have often thought about your friend and wondered how he was doing since you shared this news with us before your Hawaii trip. I wish I had answers for you. I wish I could help protect this very special foursome bond. I may be completely off, but if I was seeing a client in a therapy setting with a similar question, I would ask them to consider what you would want your friends to do if it were you whose health was failing. Would you want them to get on a plane and come see you? If so, do it. Would you want them to somehow ensure you that they would continue to take care of your significant other? If so, do it. No doubt, you will all have a lot of healing and grieving to do in the future. So the answer to your question of "how do I cope?" is going to change depending on the stage in this whole process. One step at a time. Right now, try and limit the scope of the question to "how do I cope right now?" If you try and tackle the "big picture" in this unfathomable situation, you will be easily overwhelmed, and when people are overwhelmed it is very difficult (literally...due to brain chemistry changes in prefrontal cortex) to cope in an adaptive way. 

Lean on your friends, family, your Rockstar, and don't be afraid to say you are hurting. We love you!


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

Dianne, I would say that the way you cope is by being there for Carol. She needs you, so you forget yourself and your own sorrow to be there for her. If she wants you to come, then you do. Nobody ever knows what is the best thing to do, my only thought is that you make yourself available to Carol. I suspect that it is harder to deal with a terminally ill spouse, than knowing your life is limited.


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## maggieh (Dec 16, 2007)

Having gone through this last year with my mom, you cope by focusing on your friends and what they want, not your own fears and discomfort. If they want you to bring dinner, do it. If they want you to bring the fluffs for a visit, do it. Now is the time for you to say everything you have wanted to say about how much they mean to you - not later. And no matter how uncomfortable you are around your friends, this is all about them and how much they mean to you!

There were several of my mom's friends who spent hours with her on weekdays when we couldn't be there. I know it was hard for them but they cared about mom so much that they did it for her. 

Your friend's wife will also need you later - include her in things like you used to do together. Even though you might be uncomfortable, if your focus on your friendship, you will be able to help her through this.


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## munchkn8835 (May 23, 2010)

I agree with Sylie....be there for Carol. Have they contacted Hospice? They were awesome when dad had his brain tumor. Very caring, understanding and supplied alot of things he needed free of charge. I am so sorry to hear about your friend. Will be praying for all of you.


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## aksm4 (Nov 28, 2011)

Hello Dianne ,

I recently lost my best friend of 30 years to ovarian cancer ........ all I could tell you is enjoy everyminute and tell Bruce everything you have been meaning to tell him , that you love him , even if you feel like telling him you will miss him if he goes he knows he is not well and he will pass , and be there for your friend his wife , April might not be far away I always thought that of my Rebecca and she fought a hard battle and i enjoyed anytime she had as she was very ill most of the time and told her i loved her everyday and told her I would miss her when she was gone and I also told her i was mad she wa leaving me and when the day came to say goodbye it was so much easier and you know im really ok with it because we were so open and close before she passed about her death  that is just the way i did it ......... I miss her evryday not a day goe by that i dont think of her , but she is in peace and resting .

Anna xo


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## Bonnie's Mommie (Mar 2, 2006)

Dianne, I think you've gotten very good advice already. I don't have to tell you to put Bruce and Carol first, I know you've been doing that for a long time. Leigh said something very important - how would you want your friends to act if the roles were reversed? Think on those terms. But, don't exclude your grief - you have to acknowledge it and prepare for the tremendous loss you're going to feel, and may be already feeling now.

I'm so sorry that you're all going through this - especially poor dear Bruce. I know your trip to Hawaii meant so much to all of you.


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## Rocky's Mom (Apr 10, 2010)

RudyRoo said:


> We definitely do care Dianne! I have often thought about your friend and wondered how he was doing since you shared this news with us before your Hawaii trip. I wish I had answers for you. I wish I could help protect this very special foursome bond. I may be completely off, but if I was seeing a client in a therapy setting with a similar question, I would ask them to consider what you would want your friends to do if it were you whose health was failing. Would you want them to get on a plane and come see you? If so, do it. Would you want them to somehow ensure you that they would continue to take care of your significant other? If so, do it. No doubt, you will all have a lot of healing and grieving to do in the future. So the answer to your question of "how do I cope?" is going to change depending on the stage in this whole process. One step at a time. Right now, try and limit the scope of the question to "how do I cope right now?" If you try and tackle the "big picture" in this unfathomable situation, you will be easily overwhelmed, and when people are overwhelmed it is very difficult (literally...due to brain chemistry changes in prefrontal cortex) to cope in an adaptive way.
> 
> 
> Lean on your friends, family, your Rockstar, and don't be afraid to say you are hurting. We love you!


Leigh everything you said made so much sense. I have told Carol that I would go there on a minute's notice if she needed me. I have said it many times and she says she will take me up on my offer soon. Bruce doesn't say much. He never has been very open with his feelings. I am leaving it up to Carol to tell me when to go. I will wait and see for now. I don't know how quickly things can get worse from here. My husband spoke to Bruce tonight for a few minutes and he said he can't even keep bread down. They are supposed to give him radiation this week and continue chemo but I cant see how if he is vomiting all the time. The sentence that meant the most to me and made the most sense was to ask myself, "how do I cope right now?" I need to take it one step at a time and pray more. Thank you Leigh..for being such a great friend to me. xo



Sylie said:


> Dianne, I would say that the way you cope is by being there for Carol. She needs you, so you forget yourself and your own sorrow to be there for her. If she wants you to come, then you do. Nobody ever knows what is the best thing to do, my only thought is that you make yourself available to Carol. I suspect that it is harder to deal with a terminally ill spouse, than knowing your life is limited.


Thank you Sylvia..I am always there for Carol, as she has been there for me, especially when my Dad died. My heart is breaking for them both. He is too young, was so strong and so healthy. It's just not fair, but what in life is? Such a difficult time for them. Then she went and fell a couple of days ago...tripped and hurt her shoulder. So she went to the doctor today and he thinks it could be a fracture or rotator cuff tear. NOT something she needed during all of this! 



maggieh said:


> Having gone through this last year with my mom, you cope by focusing on your friends and what they want, not your own fears and discomfort. If they want you to bring dinner, do it. If they want you to bring the fluffs for a visit, do it. Now is the time for you to say everything you have wanted to say about how much they mean to you - not later. And no matter how uncomfortable you are around your friends, this is all about them and how much they mean to you!
> 
> There were several of my mom's friends who spent hours with her on weekdays when we couldn't be there. I know it was hard for them but they cared about mom so much that they did it for her.
> 
> Your friend's wife will also need you later - include her in things like you used to do together. Even though you might be uncomfortable, if your focus on your friendship, you will be able to help her through this.


Maggie, that is what is so frustrating. They now live in CA and we live in AZ. I can't just run over there to help at a drop of a dime. But I do plan on going for a while in the near future. And yes, you are right, it is time to say everything and I have told Bruce I loved him many times right before we hang up the phone. My husband does too. He is like a brother to both my husband and I and Carol like a sister. We are going through this together. They know they have my full support anytime. We talk on the phone a few times a week,lately every other day. I have gone through this with my Dad. Carol came to my side during that very difficult time as I knew she would. There are miles between us, but we don't let that stop us from being there for one another whenever we can. I was having a melt down by myself this afternoon as I was searching on the computer. I have to be strong for them. Carol is family..she will always be with us even later and she knows that. I am sorry to hear of your loss of your mom..xo


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## Rocky's Mom (Apr 10, 2010)

munchkn8835 said:


> I agree with Sylie....be there for Carol. Have they contacted Hospice? They were awesome when dad had his brain tumor. Very caring, understanding and supplied alot of things he needed free of charge. I am so sorry to hear about your friend. Will be praying for all of you.


Donna, I don't think she contacted them yet. Things suddenly got worse this week. I have only heard good things about Hospice and know how caring they were when my Uncle died. Thanks so much for your prayers Donna. xo



aksm4 said:


> Hello Dianne ,
> 
> I recently lost my best friend of 30 years to ovarian cancer ........ all I could tell you is enjoy everyminute and tell Bruce everything you have been meaning to tell him , that you love him , even if you feel like telling him you will miss him if he goes he knows he is not well and he will pass , and be there for your friend his wife , April might not be far away I always thought that of my Rebecca and she fought a hard battle and i enjoyed anytime she had as she was very ill most of the time and told her i loved her everyday and told her I would miss her when she was gone and I also told her i was mad she wa leaving me and when the day came to say goodbye it was so much easier and you know im really ok with it because we were so open and close before she passed about her death  that is just the way i did it ......... I miss her evryday not a day goe by that i dont think of her , but she is in peace and resting .
> 
> Anna xo


Oh dear sweet Anna, I am so sorry to hear that you lost your best friend. You said and did all the right things..and I believe one day we'll all meet again. Thanks so much for the prayers. xo



Bonnie's Mommie said:


> Dianne, I think you've gotten very good advice already. I don't have to tell you to put Bruce and Carol first, I know you've been doing that for a long time. Leigh said something very important - how would you want your friends to act if the roles were reversed? Think on those terms. But, don't exclude your grief - you have to acknowledge it and prepare for the tremendous loss you're going to feel, and may be already feeling now.
> 
> I'm so sorry that you're all going through this - especially poor dear Bruce. I know your trip to Hawaii meant so much to all of you.


Thanks Linda...I am trying to get prepared for the worst to come. Today was not a good day for me thinking about Bruce and Carol too. I feel their pain and I know it's nothing compared to the pain she will go through when he passes and what her children will go through. I do feel the loss already..I am hoping he will rally and be able to make one more trip. I told Carol today if he can make the flight, I wouldn't care if we didn't do a thing once they were here. We just all want to be together. Thanks so much Linda..you are a dear friend. xo


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## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

Dianne -- one thing I want to say to you and George and Carol and Bruce -- NEVER GIVE UP HOPE!!!

More and more medical advances are made on a daily basis and miracles do happen.

I know that you've probably seen the TV commercials for Cancer Center of America, but if/when my Cancer gets worse, that is where I would go. They have the most cutting edge technology and medicines and they help the patient on a holistic basis where everything is done in tandum -- doctors, nutrienists, spirual well being, etc., etc. I know that your friends live in Southern California, but there is a Cancer Center of American in Buckeye. Before I would give up, that is the place I would turn to.

CTCA Cancer Treatment Centers &amp Hospitals | Integrative Cancer Care

You've already gotten really good advice about being there for your friends, so I'm chiming in with some practical advice on helping medically. Please at least look into this and their prescribed treatments for prostate cancer.

When they found my liver cancer, the doctors I went to here did not even know about the treatment I finally had done. I had to do all of my own research and made all the contacts with my prior oncologist in California. Luckily the University of California at Irvine and Orange was able to offer the treatment that I had researched. I find that sometimes you need to take things out of the doctor's hands and do your own research and insist on trying new treatments.

I know how close you are and will be praying for all of you. You're a wonderful friend.


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## Summergirl73 (Sep 18, 2011)

I am so sorry to hear of the suffering of your dear friend. The wisdom shared already on this page says it all. Love them, make your sure they know you are as available to be there for them as much as possible, pray frequently and definetly encourage hospice services. Hospice is one of the most under utilized services in our country, and one of the most exceptional. The comfort that it can provide to your friends is endless. Lifting up prayers for you all. God bless you for your friendship and faith ♥.


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## Furbabies mom (Jul 25, 2011)

I'm praying for God to give you strength and wisdom, to be there for your friends. It is such a difficult thing to see someone we care about, suffer . I believe in what Lacie's mom said " Never Give Up Hope"


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## LuvMyBoys (Jan 2, 2012)

I don't have much to add, you have gotten some fantastic advise from these lovely women. From my own experience dealing with my mom's terminal cancer when she was WAY too young (we lost her three days after her 49th b-day), is to be there for the patient and the patients family. Go with and do what your heart and gut tell you to do, and in my opinion you can never be wrong. Peace to you, and all those dealing with this. I'm so sorry. Cancer sucks.


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

Dianne - you've got wonderful information here.Not much additional that I can add. I remember reading all your earlier posts on Bruce and Carol. What a gift to have gone away on that trip together. :heart: And for now, just be there, whether physically or mentally for your friends giving love and support. I agree about hospice being invaluable, whether at home or in a facility. True angels on earth. I hate cancer so much. :angry:


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## Rocky's Mom (Apr 10, 2010)

Thanks Lynn...we are trying not to give up hope for him. He is a fighter and will fight till the very end. And miracles do happen every day, so I need to remember that. We looked into the Cancer Center of Amercia and they seem very nice. In fact, Carol even talked to them a few months ago. Now is the decision of what to do next. He is still on Chemotherapy, one that he can stay on till the end. How very true that we have to take things into our own hands these days. We have to be aware of what's going on and do what we think is best. I'm waiting for Carol to call now to hear about her MRI on her shoulder. I am praying it's not a torn rotator cuff or fracture. Thanks so much for being you....xo



Lacie's Mom said:


> Dianne -- one thing I want to say to you and George and Carol and Bruce -- NEVER GIVE UP HOPE!!!
> 
> More and more medical advances are made on a daily basis and miracles do happen.
> 
> ...


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## Rocky's Mom (Apr 10, 2010)

Summergirl73 said:


> I am so sorry to hear of the suffering of your dear friend. The wisdom shared already on this page says it all. Love them, make your sure they know you are as available to be there for them as much as possible, pray frequently and definetly encourage hospice services. Hospice is one of the most under utilized services in our country, and one of the most exceptional. The comfort that it can provide to your friends is endless. Lifting up prayers for you all. God bless you for your friendship and faith ♥.


Thanks so much Bridget...it means so much to me to have prayers going up for him. I am going to encourage the hospice today when I hear from Carol about her shoulder. xo



Furbabies mom said:


> I'm praying for God to give you strength and wisdom, to be there for your friends. It is such a difficult thing to see someone we care about, suffer . I believe in what Lacie's mom said " Never Give Up Hope"


Oh Deb, thank you...I am trying not to give up hope. xo



LuvMyBoys said:


> I don't have much to add, you have gotten some fantastic advise from these lovely women. From my own experience dealing with my mom's terminal cancer when she was WAY too young (we lost her three days after her 49th b-day), is to be there for the patient and the patients family. Go with and do what your heart and gut tell you to do, and in my opinion you can never be wrong. Peace to you, and all those dealing with this. I'm so sorry. Cancer sucks.


Laura, you lost your Mom so early...I am very sorry. Cancer does suck BIG TIME!!! xo



Snowbody said:


> Dianne - you've got wonderful information here.Not much additional that I can add. I remember reading all your earlier posts on Bruce and Carol. What a gift to have gone away on that trip together. :heart: And for now, just be there, whether physically or mentally for your friends giving love and support. I agree about hospice being invaluable, whether at home or in a facility. True angels on earth. I hate cancer so much. :angry:


Hi Sue, yes, that Hawaii trip was priceless. Thanks so much..and I will be advising Carol to contact Hospice if his vomiting continues. I am still hoping that once he gets his next chemo treatment and the radiation that he will feel better. xo


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## sassy's mommy (Aug 29, 2005)

Sylie said:


> Dianne, I would say that the way you cope is by being there for Carol. She needs you, so you forget yourself and your own sorrow to be there for her. If she wants you to come, then you do. Nobody ever knows what is the best thing to do, my only thought is that you make yourself available to Carol. I suspect that it is harder to deal with a terminally ill spouse, than knowing your life is limited.


Great advice! 

My brother just went through this with his best friend and his best friend's wife of course. But my brother was there when he was asked to be, he made himself available to take Jeff to his drs. appoints when Elaine was exhausted, in the end days he would sit and let Elaine get some rest. 

The cancer patient will go through many emotions during this last journey. It is hard to watch them deteriorate and in the end their passing is a blessing for their loved ones. 

Don't worry about what you are supposed to say, sometimes silence and a strong shoulder and listening ear are all that is needed. 

We will be praying for your friends and for strength for you during this difficult time.


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

I'm so sorry this is happening...All you can do is be there and supportive. It's so hard to see it happen and feel helpless. Be careful not to get too overwhelmed...it can happen and you don't see it yourself..

It happened to me and I was in flight training for a new rating and I got into the plane and I literally couldn't remember what to do! Luckily it was a type of training that required two people...they saw it,I sure didn't...

They actually "grounded" me for a while until I could function.


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## Rocky's Mom (Apr 10, 2010)

sassy's mommy said:


> Great advice!
> 
> My brother just went through this with his best friend and his best friend's wife of course. But my brother was there when he was asked to be, he made himself available to take Jeff to his drs. appoints when Elaine was exhausted, in the end days he would sit and let Elaine get some rest.
> 
> ...


Thank you Pat...it's so appreciated.



michellerobison said:


> I'm so sorry this is happening...All you can do is be there and supportive. It's so hard to see it happen and feel helpless. Be careful not to get too overwhelmed...it can happen and you don't see it yourself..
> 
> It happened to me and I was in flight training for a new rating and I got into the plane and I literally couldn't remember what to do! Luckily it was a type of training that required two people...they saw it,I sure didn't...
> 
> They actually "grounded" me for a while until I could function.


Thanks Michelle. I feel more "grounded" today. I guess it was the realization that we can lose him sooner than we thought. We are closer than I am to some people in my own family, so we know that we will always be there for one another in sickness, health, good times and bad. We are so blessed to have the relationship that we do. I try not to get too overwhelmed looking at the whole picture. I need to take it one day at a time and pray each day that we get more time with our Brucie.


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## mysugarbears (Aug 13, 2007)

I'm so sorry that your dear friend has cancer, the only thing i can offer is for you to be there for them, even by phone it's such a huge comfort knowing that you have someone that you can go to. I know what your going through as i'm going through the same thing with my step dad having stage 4 prostate cancer, but the only problem is that my mom and step dad live in Greece and the only way i can be there for them is by phone. Hugs to you and Bruce and Carol are very lucky to have you and your husband in their lives. :grouphug:


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## Rocky's Mom (Apr 10, 2010)

Sorry about your stepdad Debbie. When was he first diagnosed? Bruce was diagnosed about 7 years ago. He got his prostate removed but they said it broke through the capsule and spread. They gave him radiation. They didn't find any evidence of it for five years. Then it came back..showed up in his labs, but not big enough to see. The last two years they have been trying to keep it from spreading, but now it's in his bones. They have him on chemo and radiation again. Do you know the details of your step dad's ordeal? I am curious to hear if they did anything differently for him. Praying for your Step dad as well...cancer is a horrible thing for someone to go through.:grouphug:



mysugarbears said:


> I'm so sorry that your dear friend has cancer, the only thing i can offer is for you to be there for them, even by phone it's such a huge comfort knowing that you have someone that you can go to. I know what your going through as i'm going through the same thing with my step dad having stage 4 prostate cancer, but the only problem is that my mom and step dad live in Greece and the only way i can be there for them is by phone. Hugs to you and Bruce and Carol are very lucky to have you and your husband in their lives. :grouphug:


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## mysugarbears (Aug 13, 2007)

Rocky's Mom said:


> Sorry about your stepdad Debbie. When was he first diagnosed? Bruce was diagnosed about 7 years ago. He got his prostate removed but they said it broke through the capsule and spread. They gave him radiation. They didn't find any evidence of it for five years. Then it came back..showed up in his labs, but not big enough to see. The last two years they have been trying to keep it from spreading, but now it's in his bones. They have him on chemo and radiation again. Do you know the details of your step dad's ordeal? I am curious to hear if they did anything differently for him. Praying for your Step dad as well...cancer is a horrible thing for someone to go through.:grouphug:




Thank you Dianne. My stepdad has been diagnosed for about 8 years now. He had radiation years ago, but wasn't a candidate to have the prostate removed. It had spread to his spine and lower back bone a year or so ago and he just had a CT scan and a bone scan and the area in his back and spine has increased in size and it has spread to his lungs and skull(?) my mom said skull, but i'm not sure if she meant skull. He's doing chemo, but can't do radiation again because the beam will hit were he's already had radiation. So all we can do is pray. I agree cancer is a horrible thing. I'll add Bruce to my prayer list and keep him in my prayers. Please update on his progress? :grouphug:


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## Rocky's Mom (Apr 10, 2010)

I'm so sorry..sounds like he might have it around his brain? How is his nausea controlled? Bruce went to the oncologist today and he gave him a pill to place under his tongue for nausea. It's taken a lot out of him this week, but now I'm praying he starts to feel better. He has to get more chemo this week. He gets it every three weeks.



mysugarbears said:


> Thank you Dianne. My stepdad has been diagnosed for about 8 years now. He had radiation years ago, but wasn't a candidate to have the prostate removed. It had spread to his spine and lower back bone a year or so ago and he just had a CT scan and a bone scan and the area in his back and spine has increased in size and it has spread to his lungs and skull(?) my mom said skull, but i'm not sure if she meant skull. He's doing chemo, but can't do radiation again because the beam will hit were he's already had radiation. So all we can do is pray. I agree cancer is a horrible thing. I'll add Bruce to my prayer list and keep him in my prayers. Please update on his progress? :grouphug:


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

Dianne, I think you are well informed esp. by Leigh & Maggie's postings! So well said!
The only two other things I can think to say are this: 1. try & talk w/Bruce & Carol about something besides the cancer & how they feel---maybe send them some photos of your trip last year and talk about how wonderful it was, or something positive---it will build good feelings. 2. There is a little book (hope it is still in print) that is the very, very best thing I have come across & I have given it to friends in the past---called *There's No Place Like HOPE* by Vickie Girrard ( a guide to beating cancer in mind-sized bites). I would get a copy for them & for myself if I were sitting in your chair. It truly is very inspiring and insightful. 
You will be on my heart & in my prayers as you journey w/your friends. May God speak to you and through you. Big hugs.


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## Maidto2Maltese (Oct 19, 2004)

Dianne, I'm so sorry your friend is going thru this terrible disease. I lost two sisters to cancer... one was severly handicapped and had been in a nursing facility for years. The other sister was my best 'pal' . Her wish was to pass in her own home. For a long time I was able to care for her on my own and god bless her she was so brave about the whole thing. We did call in hospice at thevery end, ...mainly to get help with pain management and at that point I needed a 'professional' back-up. I let my sister decide when to call them in.
When the time comes, I strongly suggest having Hospice called in. They were wonderful.... they focus not so much on 'the-end' but the now! I recall the one nurse who came for evaluation to my sisters needs even had her laughing. They assured her that all possible would be done to keep her comfortable... and fulfill her wishes to pass at home when the time came. They also got the meds needed delivered to the house that same day.
Though my sister passed before we actually had in-house help, at her last very bad night they were available via phone to advise and I don't think "I" would have been able to cope without them. The nurse on the phone helped me thru a crisis in the middle of the night and even offered to come out then and there. Her advise helped me help my sister and she was more comfortable. She passed peacefully in the early AM hours.... just before the nurse was to arrive. When the nurse came she took over everything... taking care of all th 'details that needed to be done. I can't say enough good about the help hospice provided!
Please tell your friends to not hesitate to call upon them.

As for you.. you can only continue to do what you are already doing... be supportive and praying. There is no 'easy' way thru all this, but somehow, some way you all will get thru it. I believe we all get thru all this type of situation with help from above.


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## French Maiden (Feb 5, 2012)

I unfortunatelly have many friends whose children have been taken away from them by cancer.
All you can do is let them know you care, be there for them when they need you to be. Even simply just telling them that you are thinking of them is helpful.
It means so much just to know people have you in their thoughts.


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## Rocky's Mom (Apr 10, 2010)

edelweiss said:


> Dianne, I think you are well informed esp. by Leigh & Maggie's postings! So well said!
> The only two other things I can think to say are this: 1. try & talk w/Bruce & Carol about something besides the cancer & how they feel---maybe send them some photos of your trip last year and talk about how wonderful it was, or something positive---it will build good feelings. 2. There is a little book (hope it is still in print) that is the very, very best thing I have come across & I have given it to friends in the past---called *There's No Place Like HOPE* by Vickie Girrard ( a guide to beating cancer in mind-sized bites). I would get a copy for them & for myself if I were sitting in your chair. It truly is very inspiring and insightful.
> You will be on my heart & in my prayers as you journey w/your friends. May God speak to you and through you. Big hugs.


I just wrote down the name of the book, I'm going to get it, thanks so much Sandi. We four stilll laugh about everything. We are still laughing at Bruce's "HeLLO HA" while we were in Hawaii. Other famous Brucisms like: "I'm partial to anything" when we asked him what restaurant he wanted to go to for dinner. We still laugh and in private Carol and I cry on the phone when she calls me from her car. But we are still praying and hoping for a miracle. A huge part of me tries hard to believe it really could happen for him. Thanks so much Sandi. xo



Maidto2Maltese said:


> Dianne, I'm so sorry your friend is going thru this terrible disease. I lost two sisters to cancer... one was severly handicapped and had been in a nursing facility for years. The other sister was my best 'pal' . Her wish was to pass in her own home. For a long time I was able to care for her on my own and god bless her she was so brave about the whole thing. We did call in hospice at thevery end, ...mainly to get help with pain management and at that point I needed a 'professional' back-up. I let my sister decide when to call them in.
> When the time comes, I strongly suggest having Hospice called in. They were wonderful.... they focus not so much on 'the-end' but the now! I recall the one nurse who came for evaluation to my sisters needs even had her laughing. They assured her that all possible would be done to keep her comfortable... and fulfill her wishes to pass at home when the time came. They also got the meds needed delivered to the house that same day.
> Though my sister passed before we actually had in-house help, at her last very bad night they were available via phone to advise and I don't think "I" would have been able to cope without them. The nurse on the phone helped me thru a crisis in the middle of the night and even offered to come out then and there. Her advise helped me help my sister and she was more comfortable. She passed peacefully in the early AM hours.... just before the nurse was to arrive. When the nurse came she took over everything... taking care of all th 'details that needed to be done. I can't say enough good about the help hospice provided!
> Please tell your friends to not hesitate to call upon them.
> ...


Oh Terri, you truly are an angel. I am so sorry you had to go through the awful pain of losing not one but two sisters. May I ask how long ago that was? Hospice is great here in AZ too. They are called Hospice of the Valley. My 49 year old cousin died from lung cancer and in the end they were beyond words helpful to his wife. Carol is going to let me know when she thinks I need to come out there. Hopefully, he will rally and get better for a while on his new medication. His doctor said he has other things he can keep trying and that what works for some, does not work for others and he will continue to try to help him. He goes for another round of chemo soon. I can't tell you and everyone here how much just your words have helped.xo



French Maiden said:


> I unfortunatelly have many friends whose children have been taken away from them by cancer.
> All you can do is let them know you care, be there for them when they need you to be. Even simply just telling them that you are thinking of them is helpful.
> It means so much just to know people have you in their thoughts.


When my cousin lost her 16 year old son to leukemia five years ago..she completely shut everyone in the family out. I brought meals over and left them with my Aunt. Sometimes all you can do is the simple things to let them know you are thinking of them. Thank you..


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

"Regardless of the diagnosis, each and every day that we breathe we are living with---not dying of --cancer. (Otherwise we have been dying of life since the day we were born.)"

Dianne, this is just one tiny nugget from the book I mentioned w/a million others that help the thought life.


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## Rocky's Mom (Apr 10, 2010)

:thumbsup::thumbsup:



edelweiss said:


> "Regardless of the diagnosis, each and every day that we breathe we are living with---not dying of --cancer. (Otherwise we have been dying of life since the day we were born.)"
> 
> Dianne, this is just one tiny nugget from the book I mentioned w/a million others that help the thought life.


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## BellaEnzo (Nov 1, 2011)

I'm sorry for the pain you feel for Carol and Bruce. Sending prayers out to Bruce, Carol and you. It's such a scary and sad thing when someone gets cancer, there are just no answers as to why it happens. A cousin was just diagnosed with brain cancer back in Nov and the entire family is going through these waves of emotions so I understand how it feels. I was just with her the Tueday night and she just started loosing hair and her eyebrows are now totally gone and her face was swollen, it was really hard seeing her but I did everything I could just to fight the tears and be there for her. That's all you can do, just be there for Bruce and Carol. I know we wish we could fix it for them, but there really isn't anything we can which makes it suck all that much worse. I'm rambling and in tears now but I'll be thinking about you all.


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## Rocky's Mom (Apr 10, 2010)

Thank you Amanda. No one knows the pain and agony of watching a loved one be reduced to a fraction of what they were until they witness it with their own eyes on someone they love. But everyone knows someone who has had cancer and know that it is sometimes a death sentence. There are so many options today that one can choose and that do work very successfully, but so many that do not. Why some people get spared and others don't...we'll never know. I am so sorry about your cousin. Lifting her up in prayer. I'm sure she is getting chemotherapy and that is why the loss of her hair and eyebrows. Bruce lost his hair and eyebrows the last time he was on a different chemo than he is now, but it all grew back and looks great now. Carol told me he had a better day yesterday. We are grateful for good days. xo



BellaEnzo said:


> I'm sorry for the pain you feel for Carol and Bruce. Sending prayers out to Bruce, Carol and you. It's such a scary and sad thing when someone gets cancer, there are just no answers as to why it happens. A cousin was just diagnosed with brain cancer back in Nov and the entire family is going through these waves of emotions so I understand how it feels. I was just with her the Tueday night and she just started loosing hair and her eyebrows are now totally gone and her face was swollen, it was really hard seeing her but I did everything I could just to fight the tears and be there for her. That's all you can do, just be there for Bruce and Carol. I know we wish we could fix it for them, but there really isn't anything we can which makes it suck all that much worse. I'm rambling and in tears now but I'll be thinking about you all.


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