# Charmed/Perfect Life



## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

Do you have friends, co-workers, relatives that you believe live a “charmed” life? Maybe you even are one of the lucky ones that live a charmed life.​


For example, I had a co-worker whose position was eliminated with the nationwide Comcast reorganization. It just happened that the perfect position for him became available at just the right moment, and, although he and his wife had to relocate again, it was back to where their family is located. This same person was able to sell his house here within 1 week of listing it, and it sold for the asking price. He also found a house at his new location right away. This is a person who believes that his wife is the most wonderful person in the world and that he has wonderful (adult) children. He’s always positive and happy and upbeat.​


So, does he have a charmed life because he’s truly blessed or because of his positive attitude?​


Another example is my BFF. She has never aspired for too much in life. She has a nice husband, although it’s more of a friendship than a love match. She has a job, but has never wanted a “career”. She’s very content with her life and has a philosophy that everything happens for a reason, and that nothing that happens is BAD.​


Again, is it her attitude that makes her life charmed?​


I know that we all know people whose life we think of as perfect. I’m just wondering what I’ve done wrong as my life isn’t even close to perfect.​


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## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

Lynn, my life is alot like yours, alot of stress and let downs. I could let life get the best of me butttt I choose to look at those times of trial as valleys, in the valleys I grow in my faith and become a stronger person, just maybe I can help someone else when they are in the valleys. everyone of us will have good times and bad it's how we chose to look at it. Things will get better for you, your life has been put on hold for sometime, watch soon you will have the sunshine back. I love you my friend.
Your friend is blessed to have everything come together for him, I bet when he does have those valleys he still has the positive attitude and he is blessed


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## luvmyfurbaby (Feb 11, 2007)

Positive Attitude and I "try" to work on that everyday.:blush: 

Hubby has a great positive attitude and sometimes I envy him but then like this weekend that my daughter totaled her car (she is just bruised up thank God) he was like things happen let's move forward and I'm like no wait all the ramifications, the lending of my car again, her car payment, the irresponsibility, she has to miss work, will she lose her job on and on and on. Maybe I'm a very big worry wart and that takes over my "positive" attitude but I try to work on it.:blink:


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

My friends tell me I'm the kiss of death for luck. They always say how they win when they go to the casinos but when I go with them..they always loose. My husband will buy a scratch off on the way to work and win,but when I'm with him,he always looses....

I'm the person most likely to be killed by the toilet seat falling from the MIR space station....kinda like Georgia in "Dead Like Me" TV series... Only difference,I'm what my husband calls teminally upbeat... w/ my luck,I need to be....


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## camfan (Oct 30, 2006)

I wonder the same thing, Lynn.

Pete and I have had to work hard for everything we have. Nothing has ever been given to us. And, of course, there is some pride in that. But **** I wish we could catch a break. It's been a few years now that we are just getting by financially, then he got downsized, I had to give up being a SAHM to go back to work full time. Pete and I are ALWAYS stretched emotionally, physically and mentally.

After 18 months of doing this I'm finally accepting that yes, life can be hard (it is for a lot of people right now), and you can choose to focus on the good or focus on the bad--and you can actually learn to interpret the "bad" as a challenge instead of it being something negative.

I do get a bit pissed off (honestly) at those that seem to have it made and get by so easily. But I'm also learning not to compare myself. It's not easy!!

I tell ya, if and when we do catch a break I will be MORE THAN EXTREMELY GRATEFUL!!!


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## Hunter's Mom (Dec 8, 2008)

Lynne, 

You really stirred my emotions with this one and I know I responded to you via PM but since then I have done even more self-exploration and have realized that sometimes I pretend to be Pollyanna because I have come to realize that is what my family and (in-person) friends expect of me. But, you are also my friend and you deserve an honest and truthful, from the heart, what I am really feeling answer so I will give it to you.

I DO feel like others have it so much easier than me and it bothers me and makes me wonder why my path is paved with bumps and turns while others have a beautiful straight path to follow.

I'm tired of being told these bumps and turns make me stronger - I don't need to be stronger. If I get any stronger even the Incredibly Hulk won't be able to hold me down (sad attempt at a joke I know!). I'm tired of being told that it happens to everyone - because it doesn't.

So yes Lynne, I think its 100% natural for people who feel struggle is their middle name or who feel as though the world is playing favorites and they are not one of them to feel frustration, hurt, anger, and an overall sense of "why me".

The answer to "why me" I don't have it. I don't think I ever will. I guess that's why I have simply tried to be a Pollyanna - I figure if I'm positive enough maybe, just maybe, someday I will be able to stop playing the "glad game" because my life will, all of the sudden, be charmed.

PS. thank you for letting me bare my soul, you probably just saved me millions as who knows how long it would have taken in some type of therapy to get to this point of self-awareness


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## The A Team (Dec 1, 2005)

thanks for the reality check, Lynn :thumbsup:

I've always been that person that has a great life. I have never ever been jealous of anyone that had more than me, etc. Recently I have been hammered with so much ....."stuff" that I almost lost that. Shame on me. Just this morning I was talking with a friend and told her I am "letting go" of all this fustration and getting back to having fun. What a coincidence you bring this up just now.

I have always told people that your life is what you make it - and it's true. You don't have to have much to be happy. I've got my health, my dogs and live in my perfect little dream home. I have lots of friends and I love them all dearly. It's PERFECT!! And I can't stand it when people always say "why me.." for anything that happens. Now I feel a little guilty for feeling sorry for myself recently. :blush: :smilie_tischkante:

I lost a husband (divorce) and raised a child by myself. And after 30 years with one company, i was laid off.....there's a couple of biggies for ya - it's rough, but after the initial shock, you figure out things and life is good again. 

Just look at the bright side of things, there are always two sides. Yes, it is all attitude. Sometimes I believe it's in your genes, and I am thankful for my genes :chili:


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## Katkoota (Feb 18, 2006)

2maltmom said:


> *your life is what you make it - and it's true. You don't have to have much to be happy. *
> Just look at the bright side of things, there are always two sides. Yes, it is all *attitude*.


I 200% agree with the above ^ :thumbsup: SO VERY TRUE!!!!! 
trust me, I know of people who are blessed with a lot in their lives. BUT, they lack the appreciation to what they have; they ALWAYS look for other things that they don't have; even if it was a small thing.. 

On the other hand, I know of other people who are just thankful for every lil thing they have, always satisfied with whatever comes in their lives (just like the lady who Lynn knows, they believe that things happen for reasons) and are just happier than many others who have more than they do.

It is all about the attitude!

hugs
Kat


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## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

Actually I was thinking about people who seem soooooooooooooooooooo happy on the surface and "appear" to have "perfect" lives. I always wonder if their lives are truly "perfect" or if they're just faking it. LOL

I'm happy with my life for the most part. Of course, I wish that DH wasn't ill and that he were home with me, but for the most part, my life is good and I'm lucky.


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## mom2bijou (Oct 19, 2006)

The grass always looks greener on the other side. That's the thought that came to me while reading this thread. Personally, I think hardships are what define us and our personal strength. I'm only 30 but I've had some major hardships since I was 12. In a way though all those things have made me such a stronger person. I have friends who never had anything major life changing happen to them and they can't deal w/minor setbacks. Lots of people look at me like I have so much more than them or I've been dealt a lucky hand. I find that humorous b/c I've had to deal with the hand I was dealt. I was given lemons on many occassions and learned how to make lemonade. I'd rather have gone thru the things I did and at 30 years old know that my 2 feet can hold me up no matter with what I'm faced. 

So I don't necessarily think I have the charmed life. But I've tried to make my life charming. This took me a long time to learn to do. My mother would always say to me that I'm so far ahead of the game, that she wishes she thought like me at my age. I have to try hard to project the good things in my life. Smiles and laughter are contagious. I try to give that off as much as possible despite all the challenges I have ever faced. Do I want to get negative about things? Sure and when I do I vent to my mother and DH. But I'm careful about who I vent to b/c someone else no matter how "charming" their life looks, has secrets and demons they have locked up and are trying to deal with themself. 

Ok so I kinda rambled through this but the point I was trying to make was no matter how charming one's life may look, at one point they will face struggles for no life is struggle free. Or they may just be really good at radiating good out of past hardships.


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## I found nemo (Feb 23, 2006)

mom2bijou said:


> The grass always looks greener on the other side. That's the thought that came to me while reading this thread. Personally, I think hardships are what define us and our personal strength. I'm only 30 but I've had some major hardships since I was 12. In a way though all those things have made me such a stronger person. I have friends who never had anything major life changing happen to them and they can't deal w/minor setbacks. Lots of people look at me like I have so much more than them or I've been dealt a lucky hand. I find that humorous b/c I've had to deal with the hand I was dealt. I was given lemons on many occassions and learned how to make lemonade. I'd rather have gone thru the things I did and at 30 years old know that my 2 feet can hold me up no matter with what I'm faced.
> 
> So I don't necessarily think I have the charmed life. But I've tried to make my life charming. This took me a long time to learn to do. My mother would always say to me that I'm so far ahead of the game, that she wishes she thought like me at my age. I have to try hard to project the good things in my life. Smiles and laughter are contagious. I try to give that off as much as possible despite all the challenges I have ever faced. Do I want to get negative about things? Sure and when I do I vent to my mother and DH. But I'm careful about who I vent to b/c someone else no matter how "charming" their life looks, has secrets and demons they have locked up and are trying to deal with themself.
> 
> Ok so I kinda rambled through this but the point I was trying to make was no matter how charming one's life may look, at one point they will face struggles for no life is struggle free. Or they may just be really good at radiating good out of past hardships.


Great post, Tammy! You summed up all of what I feel also :wub:
One thing in life I have and I am proud to have it is Adaptability .
Me and my husband started out at 19 and 20 with nothing and now at 39 and 40 we are pretty secure, but if I had to go back in life and suffer the bad times again I could. I think anyone who says they live life with no problems is full of crap.
Setbacks make us stronger and also wiser.
I watch stories and see stories in life all the time of people who not only have everything but also have extraordinary talent and still that isn't enough.
Take what God has blessed you with and always know good things will happen as long as you live your life honestly and always try to do good for others. It may sound stupid , but I live by that everyday.
Oh and always tell the truth


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## Nikki's Mom (Feb 13, 2008)

:good post - perfect

:grouphug:





mom2bijou said:


> The grass always looks greener on the other side. That's the thought that came to me while reading this thread. Personally, I think hardships are what define us and our personal strength. I'm only 30 but I've had some major hardships since I was 12. In a way though all those things have made me such a stronger person. I have friends who never had anything major life changing happen to them and they can't deal w/minor setbacks. Lots of people look at me like I have so much more than them or I've been dealt a lucky hand. I find that humorous b/c I've had to deal with the hand I was dealt. I was given lemons on many occassions and learned how to make lemonade. I'd rather have gone thru the things I did and at 30 years old know that my 2 feet can hold me up no matter with what I'm faced.
> 
> So I don't necessarily think I have the charmed life. But I've tried to make my life charming. This took me a long time to learn to do. My mother would always say to me that I'm so far ahead of the game, that she wishes she thought like me at my age. I have to try hard to project the good things in my life. Smiles and laughter are contagious. I try to give that off as much as possible despite all the challenges I have ever faced. Do I want to get negative about things? Sure and when I do I vent to my mother and DH. But I'm careful about who I vent to b/c someone else no matter how "charming" their life looks, has secrets and demons they have locked up and are trying to deal with themself.
> 
> Ok so I kinda rambled through this but the point I was trying to make was no matter how charming one's life may look, at one point they will face struggles for no life is struggle free. Or they may just be really good at radiating good out of past hardships.


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## The A Team (Dec 1, 2005)

Yes, I agree everyone has problems and skeletons to deal with....I never mind sharing mine with who ever will listen...:blush:. But for some unknown reason, I have always bounced back very quickly and have a hard time staying blue for long. So even though it is attitude, I truly believe it must have something to do with genes too as I've said before. 

At the moment I have Stan and all his health problems and I worry about him...about possibly losing my house some day, and my mom, she doesn't even know who I am, I have a live-in aide taking care of her...and my sister who has a terrible cronic disease...and my daughter who continually makes bad choices..ugggg.....but it just hit me yesterday...what the heck am I worried about? i can't change any of this, so instead of worrying myself sick...I'm going to a fund raiser tomorrow night with co-workers. I Can't wait!!!!! :chili: and in a couple of weeks I'm going to Atlanta with Ava!!! And it's spring, almost time to plant my beloved flowers.....

As for people who only "look" happy, I don't worry about them....they're only fooling themselves. True happiness is inside you, and it has nothing to do with what other people see. 

So...give someone a big smile.... it's contagious


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

I try to be upbeat most of the time. It gets hard. My hubby Al he gets bummed easily. Mostly in the last 8 years w/ the economy tanking and wathing your retirement shrink while the bills and property taxes grow... He grew up poor and wanted to at least be comfortable in his old age.
I grew up poor too but I figure as long as I have a roof over my head and food in the ole tank,I'm good to go.
We're comfortable in our middle age. We worked hard for it,while our younger siblings had it given to them. But they squanderd it and they're alone,so I wonder who's lucky and blessed here,them or us....

I'd say "US" with a big "us". 

We made it,we still have each other and we're warm and dry and well fed. We have a place to relax and play and we're blessed w/ fluffs.
I think we're rich in so many ways. Tough times,we got them for sure. I'm in stage 4 kidney failure but I'm still alive and sniffing the flowers, (sniffing the fluffs too).

We were riding in the car today,I had 4 fluffs on my lap,Al had one on his. I told him if I died right now, I'd die where I wanted to be,with him beside me and covered in fluffs.To me I was already in heaven at that moment. Instead of fluffy clouds and harp music,I had fluffs and Pink Floyd! 

I guess we all have our own definition of luck and wealth and heaven on earth..


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## Canada (Jun 4, 2009)

This is a fascinating topic. I do think that the perpetually happy all the time people are perhaps putting up a front. I know I do, if I was sad about something I would be very chosey about who I showed my "sad face" to. I don't think that anyone lives a completely charmed life. And if we think that about someone, than perhaps we just don't know them well enough. It would be nearly impossible for people to have reached adulthood without some kind of tragedy. It is there, if we dig deep enough. Some people just wear a thicker mask.

And if they can't let down their guard to show their sadness, then perhaps they are the most scarred of all.


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## Deborah (Jan 8, 2006)

My life has had its ups and downs. Unfortunately when things go wrong my body will make things worse. Major panic attacks, migraines to name a few. I do have a very good life and wish I could always project happiness, for me it has not happened. Any time anything happens I always look at both the good and bad. I really wish I only saw the good but it is not in my genetic makeup.


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## Maglily (Feb 3, 2009)

I've never thought of myself as leading a charmed life but I always seem to have what I need. I can either get it myself or there's someone to call for help. I think I struggle a little with wanting something more or different, I sometimes have to remind myself to appreciate what I have. 
It does seem like the more choices that are made with good intentions the more good things come your way. It seems too that being truthful and honest with your feelings helps alot. Things just fall in place more often than not. I heard (probably on Oprah) of someone complaining about all the bills that they had to pay and listed them off...and the answer was...but you had the money to pay them.
So yep, I think it is the attitude.

I think if someone appears to have the perfect life, they may or may not... we should be happy for them if it's true. If it's not, they might not know how to make it better or deal with the fallout if things were revealed. Maybe they aren't happy and are struggling with a problem.


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## Nikki's Mom (Feb 13, 2008)

The way I see it, life is so much easier when we "bloom where we're planted." And maybe outwardly, that might look like happiness and good fortune to some people, but sometimes, it's deciding to be content.

When I was younger, some people thought I had a "charmed life," as I married young, and even though the marriage was short-lived, I became a strong single woman and made a great career for myself, remarried, and was quite financially content. 

The loss of both parents, loss of a child, a very nasty divorce, deteriorating health, moving far from home, and financial "ruin," as they say, came along. So the people who thought that I led such a charmed life stopped saying that. Instead, they would say, "You're strong, you'll get through it."  

And I did, with the help of some wonderful friends and God. I made a new life, and I have been married to a great guy for 11 years.

So people and things come and go in life, and the externals don't really mean very much in the big scheme of things. Happiness is dependent on what is "happening" at the moment. True contentment and peace doesn't depend on externals. 

I'm not a joyful or happy go lucky person on the outside, actually I can be pretty cynical and negative. So no one would think that I live a "charmed life" anymore. But I think my life is all about grace and blessings. I am grateful for and cherish the precious friends, loved ones, and dogs that I have been blessed with over the years. I feel that I have more than I could ever need in life, and God always takes care of me.


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## iheartbisou (Feb 13, 2007)

I wasn't going to respond to this thread but I feel the need to say this. There is always going to someone who is prettier, smarter, richer, happier or just better off than you. That's life. 

Personally, I don't harbor any jealousies at all towards those who may have it better than me. Life and people aren't perfect, no matter how it looks on the outside. But I guarantee you that there are many more people out there who are much less fortunate than you. Maybe I live in a part of the world where I can see this every day and this keeps it in perspective for me. I count my blessings almost every day.

I believe life is what you make it, regardless of what you've been dealt (although sometimes life does make it hard to deal). Someone told me once, it's not important what happens to you but how you react to it. That's the only thing you can control.


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## Nikki's Mom (Feb 13, 2008)

shanghaimomma said:


> I wasn't going to respond to this thread but I feel the need to say this. There is always going to someone who is prettier, smarter, richer, happier or just better off than you. That's life.
> 
> Personally, I don't harbor any jealousies at all towards those who may have it better than me. Life and people aren't perfect, no matter how it looks on the outside. But I guarantee you that there are many more people out there who are much less fortunate than you. Maybe I live in a part of the world where I can see this every day and this keeps it in perspective for me. I count my blessings almost every day.
> 
> I believe life is what you make it, regardless of what you've been dealt (although sometimes life does make it hard to deal). Someone told me once, it's not important what happens to you but how you react to it. That's the only thing you can control.



Thanks exactly right. There is always someone less fortunate, and that's why I always feel like I have more than enough, especially compared to so many in the world who have to struggle for everything every day of their lives.


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## yeagerbum (Apr 20, 2010)

this is a GREAT thread. I was just randomly browsing the topics and I ended up feeling really touched by all the insightful responses here. kudos to everyone :aktion033: I am still practicing being content with what you have, minding your own life, and finding happiness from within. It takes practice x) Life is much simpler with a good attitude. Thanks for the quick reminder everyone :biggrin: 

Sometimes we should learn from our little furball companions, they don't care how their yard compares to their neighbor's, or if they're living up to the perfect life, they simply enjoy the moment =D


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## MalteseJane (Nov 21, 2004)

> Sometimes we should learn from our little furball companions, they don't care how their yard compares to their neighbor's, or if they're living up to the perfect life, they simply enjoy the moment =D


soooo true :aktion033:


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## mysugarbears (Aug 13, 2007)

yeagerbum said:


> Sometimes we should learn from our little furball companions, they don't care how their yard compares to their neighbor's, or if they're living up to the perfect life, they simply enjoy the moment =D


 

So very true and it's something that i am still trying to learn and just be thankful for what i have. :aktion033:


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## godiva goddess (Nov 19, 2007)

Hunter's Mom said:


> Lynne,
> 
> You really stirred my emotions with this one and I know I responded to you via PM but since then I have done even more self-exploration and have realized that sometimes I pretend to be Pollyanna because I have come to realize that is what my family and (in-person) friends expect of me. But, you are also my friend and you deserve an honest and truthful, from the heart, what I am really feeling answer so I will give it to you.
> 
> ...


((HUGS)) Erin :grouphug:



Lacie's Mom said:


> Actually I was thinking about people who seem soooooooooooooooooooo happy on the surface and "appear" to have "perfect" lives. I always wonder if their lives are truly "perfect" or if they're just faking it. LOL


I dont think all people who have "perfect" lives are faking it. lol. They can be genuinely happy! Perhaps they have had to work hard to get there, and experienced hardships we do not know about... but just b/c some people are happy, and living charmed lives, doesnt mean they are faking it. 



mom2bijou said:


> . But I'm careful about who I vent to b/c someone else no matter how "charming" their life looks, has secrets and demons they have locked up and are trying to deal with themself.


Agreed! And you also have to be careful of who you share your happiness with. Many people are jealous and envious of your success and happiness, that they show it even subconsciously. I find it most sickening when one always feel the need to say, in what ever form, "i am just as good as you." lol..it is quite telling and laughable! It just perpetuates the "keeping up with the Joneses" idea! Sometimes I wonder why people cant just say "I am happy for you" and leave it at that...but rather feel the need to compete or be just like you, or similar to you....lol...very sad on their part!




shanghaimomma said:


> I wasn't going to respond to this thread but I feel the need to say this. There is always going to someone who is prettier, smarter, richer, happier or just better off than you. That's life.
> 
> Personally, I don't harbor any jealousies at all towards those who may have it better than me. Life and people aren't perfect, no matter how it looks on the outside. But I guarantee you that there are many more people out there who are much less fortunate than you. Maybe I live in a part of the world where I can see this every day and this keeps it in perspective for me. I count my blessings almost every day.
> 
> I believe life is what you make it, regardless of what you've been dealt (although sometimes life does make it hard to deal). Someone told me once, it's not important what happens to you but how you react to it. That's the only thing you can control.


Well Said Andrea!!


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## allheart (Oct 3, 2008)

Lynn, great thread and hugs to you.

I always remember as a very young child getting scolded for staring at people :blush: Mom would get so upset at me and tell me how rude that was. I never realized I was doing that. But I was a very quiet insightful child, and always taking in people, and hoping when I would see them, that they were happy. When I would see them by themselves, I would think, Gosh, I hope they are happy.

Mom always said, if we all put our problems in one basket, we will be sure to pick back, our very own problems.

I came from a divorced home, with many difficult circumstances, that I view as blessings. I remember sitting on my bed, my feet not even touching the ground ( I am 5' 11" now, so you know how long that was , knowing what was about to come, and just praying quitely and knowing God would see me through. Which He did. 

I would go to friends homes, who had two parents, and it felt so good. And then I would see how my friends would speak to their parents :w00t: and I was so saddened and told them so. But I never asked, why me? Why can't I be my friends, not sure why, but I didn't.

I, like many of you, don't have a jealous bone in my body. Jelousy only pulls you down, and prevents your own happiness. It would be silly of me to be envious of someone 5' 7 or any other height, when I am 5' 11', just a waste of energy.

When hubby and I were married, we rented for 7 years. All of our friends were getting homes, and I honestly was SO happy for them :chili:. I knew someday it would happen for us and to be unhappy for someone else obtaining their dream, doesn't make your dream come to fruition any sooner.

I think why I always soaked people in, and am and was so insightful as to who they are, is because people are like onions with many layers. And what we see on the surface, may not tell the whole story, of what the other layers hold.

Just like in the reverse, there is a guy at work, people HATE, they don't like, can not stand  and he sits right in front of me. And I tell you, many layers to this fella. And as I peeled layer by layer, I found alot of hurt within him, a very good heart, AND he is an animal lover  :chili:

I guess what I am saying is, that what we think we see on the surface, may not always be the case. 

Oh yes, many times, it appears, people have an easier road, get promotions based on other then merit, but I don't want things that way.
All I do want, is to be happy within and I want that for others. Things will never make us happy or make anyone happy.

There is a family I know, picture perfect outwardly. And oh how they would brag about every accomplishment their children made both accademically and sports wise. Over and Over to the point, it concerned me. Alot. The children were sitting right there, not much younger then myself, and I wondered how they felt. I also wondered how much time does the couple spend appreciating each other. The father was a doctor and the mother was a nurse, but then became a stay at home Mom. Picture perfect children, picture perfect life. One Christmas Eve, we were all together, and this family was gathered in the living room and decided to sit with them. The children were young teens and Mom and Dad were there, and they were talking about cells in the body, and how one effects the other or something like that :smilie_tischkante::smilie_tischkante::smilie_tischkante::smilie_tischkante:. I was floored. Admired their togetherness, but still felt uneasy. That following July 4th, we were all at a home, it was a pool party, and their oldest daughter, clearly had anorexia sp?. Broke my heart to pieces, tears came to my eyes, as I saw her sitting on the float, nothing but bones. And I wondered if there was some sort of connection between the parents constant constant bragging in front of them and this young girls illness. Maybe not, but just maybe. She is find now and still on the road to excel at anything and everything. 

The only time I have ever asked, oh God, why them? Why not me, and this is the God's truth, and may make you all very sad, but it is the God's truth, is when I see the children from a 3rd world country, with their stomach distended from starvation and trying to get some of that white mushy stuff. I think Dear God, why them? How did I not end up that way? That really is the only time I think, why not me, feel so blessed and at the same time guilty it is not me, but still ask, why them and not me?


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## heartmadeforyou (May 16, 2009)

I truly feel we all have our "crosses to bear" and even people with "charmed" lives have their worries, sadness, and heartbreak. 

I'm a strong person and have survived alot but I also struggle with anxiety and depression because I don't feel like I'm living up to my potential or other people's expectations of me. Sometimes I do put on a positive act. It isn't for the benefit of other people. It is so I can try and change my own inner dialog.

I do try and count my blessings (I do have MANY and am thankgul!) and share them. I liked the comment that you should try to lead a life that is charming.

Interesting topic.


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## allheart (Oct 3, 2008)

Hunter's Mom said:


> Lynne,
> 
> You really stirred my emotions with this one and I know I responded to you via PM but since then I have done even more self-exploration and have realized that sometimes I pretend to be Pollyanna because I have come to realize that is what my family and (in-person) friends expect of me. But, you are also my friend and you deserve an honest and truthful, from the heart, what I am really feeling answer so I will give it to you.
> 
> ...


Erin, sorry just seeing your post now. Erin, I hope my post earlier didn't seem to trivialize anyone's difficulties. Erin, I know that I don't know you, know you, just through SM, but I got tell you, I value your insight, the person that you are, all those wonderful qualites that just pop out in every post that you make. I personally feel, that every experience that we have, both good and bad, shapes who we are. And Erin, I wouldn't change a thing about you. Not sure if this helps or not, but the person that you are inside, to me, is a treasure, a wonderful sense of right and wrong, incredible character, these are things to be valued and things I most admire. This may not help you on those difficult days, when it appears the world is playing favorites, but I wouldn't trade what you possess with those who may appear to not have those bumps in the road (hugs).


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## Dora's Mom (Nov 7, 2009)

I can look back and see that my life has been fairly easy up until this point, but I've always thought that I didn't take it for granted and I've enjoyed what I have and been thankful.

Friday we found out that my husband may lose his job.  If he does and he has trouble finding another one we will go from a comfortable living to barely scraping by. But even with this bad situation there is some good--we are getting our tax refund soon. We were going to build a fence so Dora could have a nice back yard but we'll have to keep that as our emergency fund for now. If it weren't for the tax refund we would have almost no cushion to help us through this...if it happens....hopefully it won't.


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## CandicePK (Nov 11, 2004)

I am not a jealous person and it never really crosses my mind what others have that I may not, or how some people seem blessed when others (myself included) are not.

While I have always been this way, and tend to think more like Allheart when I see someone in dire straits as to "why not me" there are/were three clear incidents that have contributed my mind-set.

One was seeing a beautiful woman at my family's business. She was beautifully dressed with the fancy car, clothes, beautifully groomed with gorgeous children. She became somewhat of a regular customer and as such would come in weekly or so. During this time my uncle had been diagnosed with lung cancer. We were stunned because although he had been a short-term smoker when he was young, it had been 40 years since his last cigarette.

The discussion came up while this customer was there. She looked me straight in the eye and said "let me give you this business card - it belongs to the oncologist who is treating me for ovarian cancer". I was stunned and realized no matter how blessed someone is or looks *everyone* has their crosses to bear.

The second is always being considered one of those people who is charmed. I find that laughable at best. It's all in my attitude about what is truly important in life to me. However I fight my demons every day due to panic disorder. No one would ever know. I tend to internalize everything because I don't like drama. I still remember being diagnosed after a series of panic attacks and laughing in the doctor's face as I told him "I'm the least panicked type person you will ever meet!" His response "90% of the people with panic disorder are just like you - they hold everything in". So while my life may seem charmed, and my attitude great - I know the darkness all to well. I simply choose to be thankful for what I feel is truly important to me.

The third is my BFF. Oh lordie that girl can throw me into a meltdown just talking about her financial issues and the way she handles them. To someone with an accounting background - watching her juggle and her attempts at reconciling her accounts can just send me over the edge lol. Yet her attitude is one of "sooner or later everyone/everything will get paid" and it usually does... She simply won't let anything ruffle her feathers for very long.  I think her attitude really helps in things working out for them.

I have truly enjoyed this post and all the insight everyone has shared.


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## majik921 (Apr 27, 2010)

I definitely have times when I feel a little off. Like when a good friend of mine and I talk. It seems like when my life is going badly, hers is fantastic and when mine is good, hers sucks. We can't catch a break together and I think it challenges our friendship a bit. 

The last year has been really good for myself and my husband but before that we had a lot of problems between us and in our lives. Now we're both working in our dream careers, have our little doggie that we wanted so badly, live in a great apartment in a perfect local and have a nice, balanced social life. Sometimes I find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop though. It's difficult for me to just enjoy things, it's like I'm almost superstitious. Sometimes I think perhaps I'm almost more comfortable with chaos and drama. I guess that's why I gravitated toward working with trauma situations.

I think that's what I need to work on, more than being jealous or envious. I try to be genuinely happy for those I care about, even when things aren't going well in my own life.


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