# Are there Cliques on SM?



## CharmingDior

Just wanted to know if I am the only one here who is having such a hard time finding "friends". Recently, I was ignored by one of the well known and "friendly" members of this forum . I really don't know why but it hurt some. (I guess because I would assume the best from her like most of us all do.) I mean we all sit at the end of a computer not really knowing what the other person is going through or who they really are; just assuming information to be true. You think the job titles and research experience even the names and pictures of their maltese aree real but, in reality your good friend Molly with 2 fluffs might be Ralph who runs a mill:blink:. I would love to be more involved with this community but find myself wondering whether or not I should just delete my account. (The experience with the members here just make me feel as though perhaps I am in over my head...it has been more than one member who has not treated me well.) I just cannot figure out the atmosphere here on SM...but, I wanted to know what you think? Has anyone had the experience or thought this? (I don't need names or any revealing info...but, I wanted to know if I am alone on this world wide web?)

I would like to say thank you to all of those people who have been so extremely nice towards me. I have always had hope of being able to send gifts for some special SM fluffs and parents! 
Thanks for reading!:thumbsup:

EDIT:
Are there trolls here that send nasty messages?


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## 3Maltmom

You've only been on for a couple of months. Give it some time.

Through the years, I've gotten to know many members. I wouldn't trade those friendships for anything in the world.

Take time to get to know people, and they will get to know you. 

Lovies to you,

Ralph :HistericalSmiley:

Sorry, I couldn't help it. For all you know, I run a mill. But must say, I am usually running a muck. :wub:


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## Lacie's Mom

Brooke -- As a long time member here, I would say that SM is truly a wonderful family. I have had the pleasure of meeting a number of our members in person, and when I've been ill, this group (even those I'm only met in cyber-space) has been the most support than I would ever imagine. Most of us have, over the years, laughed together, cried together, and had a lot of great discussions. We've learned from each other and truly care about the lives and fluffs of each other.

But, like with any group, there are old timers that feel very comfortable with others that have also been here for a long time, and then there are the newbies. Many of the newbies come and go very quickly without us truly getting an opportunity to know them at all.

Most members are very busy (especially during the summer) and jump on SM pretty quickly to view new posts. Sometimes we don't even have a chance to respond.

Give us the chance to know you better and I think you will find us to be a warm and supportive group. With that said, however, we are made up of various people with various views and like all "families" we sometimes have strong feelings on various subjects and "heated" discussions can ensue. But, I don't think any of this is meant to be RUDE or MEAN -- it's just that we can be passionate about the topic.

Please hang with us and get to know us better. I would love for you to continue to be a part of the SM family. We all care about our fluffs and truly come together in times of need.

Hugs to you and Gianni.

P.S. we do sometimes have trolls and try hard to weed them out.


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## Orla

I do understand where you are coming from - I've been a member here for 2 years - which is so little compared to so many members but it did take me a good year here to feel comfortable and not so much like a newbie - now I feel like the members here are my good friends and I love SM!

There are trolls on every active forum - but usually they are found out quite quickly so I can't see any long time active member here being "Ralph who runs a mill".

Regards to a member ignoring you - if it was a pm or something she could have read it and meant to reply to it later but forgot - I know I've done something like that before :blush:

I urge you to give SM another chance - you've only been a member for 2 months or so, you need to give it some time


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## aprilb

Lacie's Mom said:


> Brooke -- As a long time member here, I would say that SM is truly a wonderful family. I have had the pleasure of meeting a number of our members in person, and when I've been ill, this group (even those I'm only met in cyber-space) has been the most support than I would ever imagine. Most of us have, over the years, laughed together, cried together, and had a lot of great discussions. We've learned from each other and truly care about the lives and fluffs of each other.
> 
> But, like with any group, there are old timers that feel very comfortable with others that have also been here for a long time, and then there are the newbies. Many of the newbies come and go very quickly without us truly getting an opportunity to know them at all.
> 
> Most members are very busy (especially during the summer) and jump on SM pretty quickly to view new posts. Sometimes we don't even have a chance to respond.
> 
> Give us the chance to know you better and I think you will find us to be a warm and supportive group. With that said, however, we are made up of various people with various views and like all "families" we sometimes have strong feelings on various subjects and "heated" discussions can ensue. But, I don't think any of this is meant to be RUDE or MEAN -- it's just that we can be passionate about the topic.
> 
> Please hang with us and get to know us better. I would love for you to continue to be a part of the SM family. We all care about our fluffs and truly come together in times of need.
> 
> Hugs to you and Gianni.
> 
> P.S. we do sometimes have trolls and try hard to weed them out.


:amen: :goodpost:


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## bellaratamaltese

I am sorry you aren't feeling welcome! I know I don't always get to respond to every post and hopefully that is what happened here and you weren't 'snubbed'. 

I have a lot of friends on SM but it took time to cultivate those friendships. Many of us have met in real life so that contributes also to the feeling of familiarity online. Stick around and don't be put off because you feel ignored!


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## aprilb

Hi, Brooke!:welcome1: I've only been a member for a year. I believe I met you on the other forum. Lynn(Lacie's Mom) gave you a very accurate description of what SM is like. It takes time to make friends. In my experience, the majority of newbies only post a few times, then we never hear from them again. My advice to you is to post often and give us a chance to get to know you. We love to see pics! I tend to go through spurts. Some days I have more time to answer posts, and sometimes I don't. I hope you will stick around. :blush:


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## revakb2

I don't where you are in Florida, but I'm in the Tampa Bay area. I have met a number of people through SM, and have developed some wonderful friendships. Lots of us in Florida love dog shows and meet up there. We are arranging a meet up in Orlando at the Eukanuba National Dog show in December. If you would like to meet some of us there, PM me and I'll be glad to give specifies. 

As some of the others have mentioned, it takes time to develop relationships, and some of us probably come across as cliquey. That's because we have either met in person or posted for years so we feel we know each other very well. As in every group you will like some people better than others, but we all come here to share our love for our wonderful breed. I think most of us are eager to accept and welcome newbies to our group.

To me the most important thing this forum offers is knowledge and support for our dogs, whether it is a simple training issue or a more serious medical issue. Sharing our knowledge and experiences with our Maltese is what this forum is all about, and for that I am very grateful.


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## Sylie

Oh Sweetie, I know how you feel. I have read and replied to your posts. I have made posts that get very little response and I feel hurt and ignored. But, honestly I don't think that is the truth of the matter. It isn't easy to wiggle you way into a family. But we want to. We want to be appreciated. We want replies. I do. But if you look at who is on the board, sometimes there are very few members. Then you heartfelt post just moves down the line. Yes, there are popular long time members whose every post is answered, but they are totally lovable and interesting. 
You keep posting and I will answer. Promise to do likewise and answer me. If we have something to offer we will soon enough be prominent members of this community.
I know your name. I know your dogs. I appreciate your presence.


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## The A Team

Summer is tough, I know I myself only log in for a few minutes whenever I can. It does get better.....hang in there.....

I work many more hours in the summer and usually have lots of company...like right now.....

But we'll be back in force in the fall..for sure


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## MalteseJane

Well take it from an old multiple forums member. All those forums are the same. When they get to big you loose the friendliness of the members. And there are cliques forming. I avoid taking part at sending post cards, Christmas gifts etc... because I don't want to be part of a clique. Lately I just keep around because of some people I really like and are not part of a clique. It is also normal that people who met in person are more connected to one another. But they should not make other ones feel ignored. If it is getting more personal they should use the PM to connect and not the open forum who it looks like they are only talking to each other. Like Deb said, you haven't been here long, give it some more time. There is no perfect forum. And SM is full of very good information even tho sometimes it's extreme. But you take the good and leave the bad.


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## educ8m

Brooke, I’m sorry you’re not feeling welcome. That's a terrible feeling, but I too encourage you to give yourself time to cultivate friendships. I’ve been a member for a little over a year and still consider myself a newbie. When you realize there are people who have been on this forum for six years or so and have over 10,000 posts, I think it’s unrealistic to expect to have to have the same connections that have taken YEARS for others to develop. 

MANY of the SM members know each other personally and are close friends. I made the decision to go to the National Specialty show this April because I knew I would have the chance to immerse myself in the Maltese world and also get to meet many of the SM members. There was even a special SM party where everyone brought their Malts. Many of the members go to Nationals every year, meet up at Pat’s annual puppy party, go to Westminster, or get together privately. If developing close friendships is one of the things you would like to get out of this forum, then I would encourage you to try to make it to one of these events. For example, I know there is a Hilton Head meet-up being planned for September, and as mentioned there is the Eukanuba show in Orlando in December. The next National Specialty is in San Diego at the end of May. However, I also believe that if you give it time, you can begin to develop friendships even if you haven’t met in person. 

Think about real life. Would you feel as close to someone you just met two months ago as you do to a friend you’ve had for six years? 
I do know that no one is ignored on purpose. Like someone else mentioned, you can go to "Quick LInks" and check to see who's online. Many times there are very few members logged in. If you post at the wrong time, it does just get pushed down among all the others.


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## Lacie's Mom

And as I and others have said -- summer is a very busy time with outside activities taking over our lives. In the fall, we will have the rescue raffle and then it will be time for Secret Santa. At the 1st of the year, we will have our annual buddy event. If you choose to participate in these, I promise that you will get to know us better.


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## LJSquishy

I am very sorry you are feeling excluded on SM. Throughout the few years I have been a member, there have been several topics on this and I must say there are definitely some cliques -- but I think that is normal. Many members have met several times in real life which naturally makes them closer. I don't think any one intentionally excludes or ignores others...at least not that I have ever known of. I hope the person you are speaking of didn't intentionally ignore you. 

I have been on here since getting London as a puppy, and I have felt both very included and somewhat excluded at times, it can fluctuate. The active members here on SM have hearts of gold and I truly love every single one of them. A lot of people will only respond to posts in their areas of "expertise". I try and respond to most, but even if I don't respond I certainly read every single thread (and that is a lot!!).  Hang in there, please!


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## MaryH

I lurked on this forum for about 2 years before I joined and in the first 3 years after joining I probably had only 100 posts and most of them were about health issues or training. And it took me a whole year after joining before I ever started a thread. I tend to post in threads about health more than anything else; in fact, I pretty much stopped answering training posts a long time ago because there are so many people on this forum who respond that same way I would. Do I goof around on this forum with a few people? Absolutely. But I've known some of these people for 12 or more years, sometimes the only time I have to communicate with these friends is via a quick post on SM. I answered a post tonight about shampoo ... a subject I usually skip right over. But that's because the person who started the thread is a good friend and owns a puppy from me. Chances are though if she started a thread tomorrow asking where to get a dress for her dog I'd skip right over that. So I guess my point is that I think some of us participate in certain threads based on the subject matter, not on who started the thread. I've probably never wished anyone on SM a happy birthday or congratulated them on their new puppy or said welcome to a new member but if someone has a health question that I can answer I'll be there for sure. My advice is to stick around. This is a great forum with great people.


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## Snowbody

Brooke - like everyone says, give it time. I know when I first came on the forum I was petrified to post anything. I had no idea who anyone was, what many were talking about and what to do. I had never been on a forum before. Now I'm embarrassed to look at how much I've posted. :hiding: 

I've gotten to know so many members on-line and they have been a godsend in helping me find my Tyler, keep him healthy, train him and groom him. And it's been a real joy to meet many of them in person and I've looked forward to each meeting for Tyler and for myself. And then there are fun threads that I enjoy, sad ones that break my heart, etc. There's a lot here and not everyone responds to every post. I try to respond a lot but to tell you the truth, we have been burnt by a lot of newbies, who weren't at all what they said they were but more or less trouble makers stirring the pot, that now I don't respond to newbies until they show that they are responsible members of SM. Maybe it's not fair but I felt that's what worked for me. I also have learned for the most part to stay away from controversial topics...can't stand when it goes in a downward spiral. 

I have been extremely busy with work since the spring, often traveling, (now away on vacation - what am I doing here???) and haven't posted as much lately. It's life and it gets in the way. But all that being said I really love SM and I think you will if you give it more of a chance. And when the chips are down, there aren't many friends who will care as much as this group here does. JMHO.


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## bailey02

Well Brooke I have to say I dont post alot but I love reading everyones threads\post. I have been on this forum for over a year. I can understand how your feeling because I felt similiar in the beginning. I did not take personal just kept lurking the forum. Well then I had the chance to be involved with the Rescue Raffle and Secret Santa and let me tell you it was awesome. Just give it time and pls participate with these upcoming events they are so much fun.


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## Cosy

I've been here a number of years and cliques have come and gone. Sometimes it gets heated and personalities buck heads. Sometimes we have to chase the trolls and millers and byb's away.  All in all this forum is one of the best. I've been on several over the years and this one is the most informative as well as consistent. 
Hang in there. Sometimes it just takes time to get into the flow of it all.


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## edelweiss

Brooke, I have only been here just over a year too so that "new" feeling isn't so far removed that I don't know what it feels like. I have a problem w/memory & sorting people & their pups out when they are new requires lots of effort. It seems there are lots of new people this last year, but I haven't been around long enough to know if that is normal. Keeping everyone straight could become a full time effort!

I HAVE had the wonderful privilege of meeting a couple of people on here in person & plan to enlarge that circle at Hilton Head in Sept. I think we have someone coming up from FL. so if you want to meet up that could be a huge opportunity to cement some relationships. PM me & I will try to get that info. to you. I try to make it a priority when I am stateside to connect w/the people in the area I am visiting. Does it take effort---YES, on both my part & the other party, but it also has huge dividends! Just today I said to my husband "it is amazing how many of the dogs I know already & really love---most of whom I have never met!" He just laughed!


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## Katkoota

Awwh sorry that u are feeling this way, Brooke , and please do not take it personally. I have to tell u that, i came to notice that summer time is one of the most quiet seasons in SM. I am sure people dont mean not to be friendly. I agree with the previous posts that were mentioned  trust me that u will love the people here once u get to learn more about them, and vise versa. I love the people here and i am sure that they are as sweet as i imagine them to be. Gosh! There are some of them who i would looove to meet qith them and their malts so soon, but Living across the ocean does not help in meeting many as easily an quick. BUT that said, I got the chance to meet one SM member in person. She and her malts were as wonderful as I imagined them :wub: and i am hopeful to meet more 

Give it sometime and u will see what we mean. 

In another note, i find the time when i was a newbie here to be funny. Simply because I find myself to be so weird for not thinking much about it from this point of view back then. I came to SM for my craze to maltese and addiction to sharing Snowy stuff as most of my school friends back then were getting a bit so tired from Snowy stories LOL it really was crazy when i think how much I talked "Snowy"! I found this place and was able to blab all snowy related stuff. Even if not many members read or responded, I still liked it knowing that there are more understanding people to why I love my mop dog sooooooo much! I swear that I did not expect to make friends here. All i knew is that people shared the craze to the maltese with me, it is very normal to talk maltese here. That is all; nothing more. Maltese maltese maltese maltese is all i could think of. The actual malts here in SM were whom I learned about first. Took me quite the time to learn about the mommies a little here and there. So i say give it the time, and we look forward to your posting


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## Katkoota

Double post by mistake, sorry on the iphone - tapped twice on submit post (had to edit)


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## Hunter's Mom

Oh Brooke - I think I am one that owes you a PM! I'm not ignoring I promise it's just been a terribly busy work week and I haven't had time to catch up on my personal life too much. I would echo what others have said though - as a general "rule" summers are quiet as everyone is so busy and winters are more active. I will try to get to your PM today


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## allheart

Oh dear Brooke, I am so sorry you feel this way. Hugs to you. I am hardly on SM anymore at all. But you and your babies are adorable. I only pop on and post if it's something really important. Bless you, and many of the members are truly kind and helpful. So I hope it was not me, who hurt your feelings. I just am not on SM, like I used to, but ever so grateful for all that I have learned. (hugs).


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## Maidto2Maltese

Brooke, I'm a long time member here and knew some members on a forum before this one was even in existence. I don't start many threads and truthfully don't reply to many threads for want of time or simply have nothing 'valuable' to add. However, I at least quickly read thru almost daily.

I do think as in any social situation, certain people just connect with some more than others. Please don't take any of the lack of reply as a personal thing. As mentioned I've been a member a long time.... and feel I know many here for 'ages'... I also tend to 'connect' with some more than others but honestly don't purposely ignore any member threads for any personal reason. Even given my long time membership, there have been threads I've posted that have gotten very little resoponse compared to many other peoples...I don't take it personally.
I do know if I have a problem and need support the members are wonderful...even those with whom I don't really 'know' as well as some of the others. Please stay... give it some time.
Overall this is a great forum to learn about Maltese pooches and do believe in time you'll find ,you too, connect with certain people more than others but overall will find yourself very comfortable here!


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## spookiesmom

I wouldn't say there are cliques here like in school days. And yes, there are friends here that may go back years. That's great. Good for you. But more what I see here are stubborn, elitist, snobs. My way or the highway types. Who refuse to acknowledge somebody else just may be right. When a newbie comes with a valid question and the person is run off........ 

I almost left as soon as I joined too. This forum is a tough one. 

If I do go over to Orlando, you can bet the rent I won't be at the meetup.


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## Bibu

Hi Brooke! I am sorry you have felt ignored or left out here on SM. I have been active on SM for about 8 or 9 months and in the beginning it was tough. I guess its just like going to a new school or starting a new job. In the beginning you feel a bit weird and left out when people have their own "inside" stories. I would definitely say to give it another 3 months. If by 5 months you still don't feel like this is for you then maybe you can reconsider, I think 2 months is not giving it enough time.

I participated in the Secret B-Day Buddy exchange and I have to say its really a great thing that you and Gianni should take part in! :chili:

BTW, where in Florida do you live? I grew up in Miami and I go down there often as my parents still live in Miami. I would love to meet you and Gianni the next time Bibu and I come down. :aktion033: Maybe we can go for coffee or something?

I as well, am suuuuper obsessed with fashion (luxury goods) and have worked in the field for about 4 years so right there, we definitely have a BUNCH of stuff to talk about :chili:, aside from our little fluff boys! 
*Look out for my PM. :thumbsup:


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## allheart

allheart said:


> Oh dear Brooke, I am so sorry you feel this way. Hugs to you. I am hardly on SM anymore at all. But you and your babies are adorable. I only pop on and post if it's something really important. Bless you, and many of the members are truly kind and helpful. So I hope it was not me, who hurt your feelings. I just am not on SM, like I used to, but ever so grateful for all that I have learned. (hugs).


 
Dear Heavens I did it again  I stated that I pop on when something is really important, oh my, that is not to say, that all the post, request for prayers and all, are not just as important.

:smilie_tischkante: I wonder about myself sometimes, but always know I mean well.


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## michellerobison

Sorry if you felt neglected,we all get so busy some times,especially in the summer.. and we forget what it's like to be new to a forum and getting to know people or just getting the courage to post even...

Goodness knows I've had posts go unanswered,sometimes they just get lost in the shuffle too.

Hang in and don't worry about apparent cliques,some people just bond in a smaller group. Especially those that have been on a long time.
I've only been here a little over two years myself,so I'm not an old timer...so to speak.

Hang in there,you have a lot to contribute...and we all learn from each other...

Gee hope that didn't come off as elitest, it's so hard to put emotions in a posting...

HUGE HUGS!!!!!!


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## edelweiss

If I do go over to Orlando, you can bet the rent I won't be at the meetup.[/QUOTE]

Excuse me, please, what does this mean? I am clueless!


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## Orla

spookiesmom said:


> I wouldn't say there are cliques here like in school days. And yes, there are friends here that may go back years. That's great. Good for you. But more what I see here are stubborn, elitist, snobs. My way or the highway types. Who refuse to acknowledge somebody else just may be right. When a newbie comes with a valid question and the person is run off........
> 
> I almost left as soon as I joined too. This forum is a tough one.
> 
> If I do go over to Orlando, you can bet the rent I won't be at the meetup.


I have to disagree with you - when a newbie comes here with a question like "should I breed my female malt with my male poodle?" etc, the members here approach this very well by starting off nicely explaining what is wrong with that - the newbie tends to be "chased off" when they don't agree with what has been said - so, actually they tend to be "it's my way or the highway" type.

Also, I think you are extremely lucky to have the opportunity to meet up with other members and their maltese - I would love to be able to do that!


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## allheart

edelweiss said:


> If I do go over to Orlando, you can bet the rent I won't be at the meetup.


Excuse me, please, what does this mean? I am clueless![/QUOTE]


I wouldn't worry about it. Hugs sweetheart.

( I know I haven't been around much at all, my siggy is still from Valentine's Day).

Many hugs.


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## edelweiss

Christine, you are so sweet! You remind me of a wonderful friend of mine---who is almost without a sin-nature---notice I said "almost." :HistericalSmiley:


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## allheart

edelweiss said:


> Christine, you are so sweet! You remind me of a wonderful friend of mine---who is almost without a sin-nature---notice I said "almost." :HistericalSmiley:


LOL whew so glad you added "almost" :HistericalSmiley::HistericalSmiley::HistericalSmiley:Love you.


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## edelweiss

But I forgot to add that I am not even in that category of "almost!" I know I have one and it isn't well hidden! Just sayin'.


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## RudyRoo

As a newbie myself, I can say that I understand why you would feel that way CharmingDior. BUT for me at least, the closeness of SM members (whether or not I am included in certain circles) is one of the reasons why I love this forum! It enjoy that there are people here that genuinely care about one another, love their fluff babies, and strive to maintain an honest, upfront, informative, and friendly online environment. I can see how not getting a response to a PM might feel like a snub, but I can also say that I too am guilty of "reading and forgetting to respond although I intended to," so if I were on the receiving end of that I would be try and be forgiving. I'm not at all implying that you to should feel the same, or saying that what you feel is incorrect, but rather just trying to give an alternative way of looking at things. Looks like your thread has been really helpful and I appreciate your honesty! I say stick around see what happens! I love looking at your pics of Gianni and would hate to see you leave SM.


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## janettandamber

Yes. I have been treated the same way.


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## silverhaven

I have found that it does take time to become familiar. A lot come and go and it often seems easier (or lazy) to comment more on the people you know, especially when you are in a hurry. After you have been on for a while then you become familiar also and you will find fantastic support. Internet can be a bit tough. Sometimes you feel really included and loved, other times you can't understand why your comment or opinions seem to fall on deaf ears. People get busy and if they see a PM when they are out, then when they would have time to answer sometimes they may have forgotten. I don't think it would be intentional. I have emailed people who have taken a long time to answer and have wondered if I said something to upset them, only to find they were just really busy. So now I just wait and if no reply I let it go. I do think the longer you are on and the more you post, the more you are included.


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## Bonnie's Mommie

I guess I was lucky when I joined SM. I knew a lot of people from another forum, and we all kind of migrated here. Does that mean I haven't made new friends? Absolutely not! But, as many have said, it does take time to cultivate friendships. In life or cyberspace, two people (or more) don't meet and instantly become buddies - if that happened I for one would be a little suspicious, lol.

It's true that people tend to join and some continue on, and some don't. Some come with a specific question or issue, and then leave. So, in that respect, it's tough to know what to expect from some people. My advice, as so many others have said, is to stick around! Post pictures, tell us about yourself, and if you want, participate in the annual events. Go to meetups if there are any in your area - that's a great way to get to know others. But give it more than a few months!


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## poochie2

CharmingDior you really need to give it more time. It's only been 2 months. IMO I find the people of SM ever so helpful and it really is a wonderful group of people who truly care for their malts. According to your posted threads you received a great number of positive responses. I would not decide to delete my account becuase a "few" have not replied to your messages. Summer is an extremely busy time for so many.
If you decide to stay you will enjoy meeting so many amazing people with a wealth of great advice and suggestions.
Jenna


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## The A Team

So, after reading all these replies, what do you think now?

When ever you get a lot of people together with so many personalities, there's bound to be some conflicts once in a while. And we do have a few members with awlfully strong convictions on certain subjects -so some new members have been scared away really fast!! :w00t: I'm not always happy when that happens.

But there are a really lot of very nice people here....really.


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## Purple-peep

There's an "anti-Korean breeder" clique, here on SM. That I know first hand:thumbsup:


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## The A Team

Purple-peep said:


> There's an "anti-Korean breeder" clique, here on SM. That I know first hand:thumbsup:


I hope not! I love every pup that has come from Korea! ....including your adorable little Effie!! I think some people don't understand why someone would go all the way or have a pup shipped all that way, but i feel it's a personal decision. I think just about everyone has been bashed at least a few times...including Ava's breeder. Everybody has an opinion....:blink: That's why I like to just post fun pictures and enjoy the dogs. We're all here for the dogs :thumbsup:


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## Purple-peep

You're so sweet! That's why you're my favorite poster here. :blush: You don't judge and you have the cutest fluffs ever.:wub:

I could care less where anyone gets their malts. I just want to see

adorable pictures and enjoy.:aktion033:


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## Deborah

This is where I find self between a rock and a hard place. I do a lot more reading than posting. My problem is that once I log on and reply to any thread in the group I feel I need to reply to every thread. To top that off I do not type and the letters on my key board have been erased due to use. I read all posts and often do not respond because I do not have time to respond to everybody.

This is a wonderful group of people with hearts of gold. Trust me if anything went wrong with your Maltese you would find yourself in the middle of the best support group ever.

I think you need to give yourself time to get to know the people by reading posts and replying to them if you have had some experience with a problem addressed in a post. Your reply could be something like that was the same thing that happened to me and this is what I did etc. Also post to picture posts you will get to know the members on here a lot better.

Best wishes for you to find the benefit in this group.


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## Bailey&Me

Hi Brooke. I'm so sorry you've felt ignored and left out here on SM - like others have said, it takes some time to feel integrated in the SM community but it really is a wonderful place so I do hope you stay! I was a member here for many months before I wrote my first post - in fact, when I first joined, I had never been a member of an online forum before and I had no intentions of posting or being an active member here at all. I just wanted to read and learn. However, a few months in to it, I realized that there were so many great, caring people on here that I had a lot in common with, and I wanted to be part of this "family". So I wrote my first post and even though I don't even have a Maltese, everyone here was very welcoming and sweet. 

I was going through a really rough time a few months ago when Bailey got really sick (and my cat was diagnosed with advanced stage cancer at the same time) - the members here were a HUGE comfort to me and were so kind and caring, I really can't imagine not having them here when I was going through all that! When that happened, I had only been here a few months, hadn't met anyone in person yet and hadn't even really had any one on one conversations with anyone here either. However, I was met with such an outpouring of love and support that I was blown away. I got emails, phone calls, gifts mailed to me...one member who lives in the same town as I do got an appointment for me to see her vet so I could get a second opinion for Bailey and had made arrangements with her vets office to actually PAY for the appointment!!! I was speechless and sooo touched!! 

Like I said, there are so many amazing, kind-hearted and loving people on SM...I'm glad I joined and stayed and I really do hope you decide to do so as well. No one means to ignore anyone...life just gets super busy and it's hard to keep up with posts and PMs sometimes. I have read all your posts and have enjoyed them - I'm not sure if I've commented on all though, since I'm often on SM on my phone while on the bus to work and not able to write comments from it easily. Work has been so hectic for me recently that I haven't been able to post much, although I do try to at least read through new threads as much as I can.


----------



## iheartbisou

The A Team said:


> I hope not! I love every pup that has come from Korea! ....including your adorable little Effie!! I think some people don't understand why someone would go all the way or have a pup shipped all that way, but i feel it's a personal decision. I think just about everyone has been bashed at least a few times...including Ava's breeder. Everybody has an opinion....:blink: That's why I like to just post fun pictures and enjoy the dogs. We're all here for the dogs :thumbsup:


So true!! Personally I love to see the photos and read about grooming/health/whatever issues....I'll leave the judgments and judging to the judgmental people. :thumbsup:

to the OP- I don't know if there are cliques here or not...I guess it depends who you're asking-from time to time this subject comes up and I never have the slightest idea of what/who the cliques are...but I wouldn't even begin to be bothered by those things- and least of all- by those groups/people- if they even exist. I do think people get busy and don't have time to respond to each and every post...why should they? Everyone has their own thing going on-offline, hopefully.

If you think about it..it's just beyond silly- random people on the internet including or excluding you- and on a cute dog forum? That's not even real or serious enough to be taken seriously. LOL!


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## bellaratamaltese

spookiesmom said:


> I wouldn't say there are cliques here like in school days. And yes, there are friends here that may go back years. That's great. Good for you. But more what I see here are stubborn, elitist, snobs. My way or the highway types. Who refuse to acknowledge somebody else just may be right. When a newbie comes with a valid question and the person is run off........
> 
> I almost left as soon as I joined too. This forum is a tough one.
> 
> If I do go over to Orlando, you can bet the rent I won't be at the meetup.


 I'm sorry to hear that you don't wish to come to the Orlando meetup. We had planned to meet at the Eukanuba dog show, where my 12 year old daughter will be showing. Sorry you aren't interested in that  It would have been nice to meet you.


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## michellerobison

Purple-peep said:


> There's an "anti-Korean breeder" clique, here on SM. That I know first hand:thumbsup:


 Wow that's sad,I wouldn't think anyone would do that. I love fluffs no matter where they come from...


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## silverhaven

The A Team said:


> I hope not! I love every pup that has come from Korea! ....including your adorable little Effie!! I think some people don't understand why someone would go all the way or have a pup shipped all that way, but i feel it's a personal decision. I think just about everyone has been bashed at least a few times...including Ava's breeder. Everybody has an opinion....:blink: That's why I like to just post fun pictures and enjoy the dogs. We're all here for the dogs :thumbsup:


:goodpost:


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## Johita

iheartbisou said:


> So true!! Personally I love to see the photos and read about grooming/health/whatever issues....I'll leave the judgments and judging to the judgmental people. :thumbsup:
> 
> to the OP- I don't know if there are cliques here or not...I guess it depends who you're asking-from time to time this subject comes up and I never have the slightest idea of what/who the cliques are...but I wouldn't even begin to be bothered by those things- and least of all- by those groups/people- if they even exist. I do think people get busy and don't have time to respond to each and every post...why should they? Everyone has their own thing going on-offline, hopefully.
> 
> If you think about it..it's just beyond silly- random people on the internet including or excluding you- and on a cute dog forum? That's not even real or serious enough to be taken seriously. LOL!


 
Same here - I still haven't figured out who is part of a clique and I mostly do come here for the pics and fun posts.


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## sophie

I'm sorry you feel like this, but can understand. I agree with what others have said about giving it some time. I don't see any cliques, just those who are fortunate enough to have made really really good friends.

For me it's hard to open myself up to establish really close friendships as I tend to pull away as a friendship starts to become more personal (isn't that awful?).  But at the same time I sometimes feel a little jealous of those who can. If that makes sense. lol 

I used to post a lot, but have been going through some turmoil in my life for a bit now and although my intentions to reply to posts are good when I come to SM, I find myself doing more reading than posting. At the same time, I know that if I need any advice or questions answered I could come to SM and the support would be here.

Hopefully, my life will settle down and I can spend more time establishing relationships on SM instead of mindlessly clicking on FB games while I evaluate my life. Sheesh, didn't mean to get that personal. lol

Anyway, stick around, I've been on many forums and I can honestly say that even with the inevitable bumps along the way as in any forum - SM is is the cream of the crop of forums.

Linda


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## Cosy

Hey Linda! Glad to see you're still on here. We want to hear more of how you and Sophie and Annie are doing! xoox


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## Cosy

Purple-peep said:


> There's an "anti-Korean breeder" clique, here on SM. That I know first hand:thumbsup:


 
Now that's a new one. I've not heard that other than there are brokers and mills associated with Korean dogs just as there are in the U.S.


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## coco&nina

Awe, sorry you feel this way. Just give it some time. Maybe it's vacation season and people aren't as active on the forum. For me, I'm always so busy that I only check in every once in awhile. When I am on, I'm usually just a reader and not a poster. Luckily for me, I have only experienced kindness from this forum. Those that I've PM'd are always extremely nice. Hugs!


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## Katkoota

iheartbisou said:


> I don't know if there are cliques here or not...I guess it depends who you're asking-from time to time this subject comes up and I never have the slightest idea of what/who the cliques are...but I wouldn't even begin to be bothered by those things- and least of all- by those groups/people- if they even exist. I do think people get busy and don't have time to respond to each and every post...why should they? Everyone has their own thing going on-offline, hopefully.


My same thoughts! 

Even when there are cliques (a couple of people in different occasions in the past did contact me and told me about them - whereas i had NO CLUE about them..I guess that some might assume that since i love SM, i would know what is going on in the full details of what this person did or what that person thinks or who is with whom or something). The truth is though, most of my focus are our malts here. I dont know beyond that. The mommies are nice. My experience was good. As far as my focus and knowledge decides to go on the mommies is wheter they are doing good and healthy and wether life has treating them well. I only wish the best for all. 
But when it comes to cliques, or a group or something among pen pals just like i was told before and or some other people see, nah uh! That is not my purpose of being here, i am sorry. I do not focus on that, so dont actually notice it.

It does get tough offline, to be honest. Life is life. The last thing I would need is making it tough online. I am simply not in SM for that. 

And honestly love it here, overall! A good cute maltese breaks i get between the busy life.

I am mainly here for malts threads :chili::wub: and their crazy about them-like me mommies. I do find all the members here to be as loving and crazy to the maltese as i am. I love t :thumbsup:

My whole purpose in SM is the malts and heck, i do know that the mommies are as loving and caring to them as i am :wub:


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## Katkoota

Cosy said:


> Hey Linda! Glad to see you're still on here. We want to hear more of how you and Sophie and Annie are doing! xoox


I agree :chili:


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## Katkoota

The A Team said:


> I hope not! I love every pup that has come from Korea! ....including your adorable little Effie!! I think some people don't understand why someone would go all the way or have a pup shipped all that way, but i feel it's a personal decision. I think just about everyone has been bashed at least a few times...including Ava's breeder. Everybody has an opinion....:blink: That's why I like to just post fun pictures and enjoy the dogs. We're all here for the dogs :thumbsup:


I agree once again lol


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## michellerobison

I wouldn't worry about cliques,I figure if someone doesn't respond to my posts because I'm not in the clique, I don't loose any sleep over it. 

I'm going through a tough time and will miss my step son's two dogs I had to rehome but I have SMer's who've given me support ... you'll find some will and some won't.

Not everyone sees or responds to all posts but if someone sees but never responds to your posts, or only does so in a confrontational way...it's not worth fretting about. 

Please take comfort in knowing there are people out here who care about what you think ,your joys and sorrows and are there when you need them.


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## edelweiss

Purple-peep said:


> There's an "anti-Korean breeder" clique, here on SM. That I know first hand:thumbsup:


Firstly, my dog is 1/2 pure Korean & I love him more than life! With all of his issue I would not trade him for any other maltese--he is a sweet soul! 
I WOULD say that I have learned a few things in this process. 

1. If people have a bias it is usually not totally unfounded---it would be a good & wise thing to try and find out what the history/bias is IF one is planning on getting a dog from an area where the history is not well known in the US.
2. People sometimes want a "korean" dog (usually has some US lines in their breed) because of what they call a "baby doll face" and large rounder eyes. Research what issues a very small face MAY--I said MAY--present that a classic face might not---for one example, eye issues? One might choose to go ahead w/getting such a dog but do it w/(excuse the pun) eyes open!
3. I know from experience that it is difficult to find out what issues are---especially long distance and when language can be a barrier, but try and talk w/other people who may have had issues and would reveal them to you BEFORE you fall in love w/a dog.
4. Ask the breeder if they keep a data base on issues of their off-spring--and ask if this is the first pairing of these particular parents. If not, is the breeder willing to give you names of people that have purchased from these same parents so you can contact them for information on potential issues?

I would carefully say here that these are also issues one should investigate before going w/ANY breeder! Things will always come up---at least go in to a situation w/as much information as you can gather no matter from where your dog comes.

Now, I will get off my soap-box!
:back2topic:


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## elly

Spoiled Maltese was a life saver to me when Ellie was sick. The advice, support and love kept me going through a very difficult time. I almost landed in Reva's backyard when we moved to Florida. Reva and I have had a great time traveling to Nationals together going to dog shows and shopping (without the girls) It takes time, this is a great place.


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## aprilb

iheartbisou said:


> So true!! Personally I love to see the photos and read about grooming/health/whatever issues....I'll leave the judgments and judging to the judgmental people. :thumbsup:
> 
> to the OP- I don't know if there are cliques here or not...I guess it depends who you're asking-from time to time this subject comes up and I never have the slightest idea of what/who the cliques are...but I wouldn't even begin to be bothered by those things- and least of all- by those groups/people- if they even exist. I do think people get busy and don't have time to respond to each and every post...why should they? Everyone has their own thing going on-offline, hopefully.
> 
> If you think about it..it's just beyond silly- random people on the internet including or excluding you- and on a cute dog forum? That's not even real or serious enough to be taken seriously. LOL!


 @ Pat and Andrea, :amen::goodpost:s


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## mom2bijou

I think we have all felt the way you do at one time. As everyone else says, it takes time to start forming "deeper" friendships on SM. I've been here for almost 5 years but trust me it took awhile. Going to meetups is a great way to get to know members better. Also, many of us joined facebook I think that really helped members get to know each other off the forum as well. Of course participating in the SM events is also a great way to get to know members (Secret Santa, Bingo, Raffles, etc.) I guess there are "cliques" but I also think some people are just better friends because of age, where they live, dogs being from the same breeder, etc. 

I have to confess that in the past I was much more active in posting. Now that I pretty much just jump on here in the morning I tend to just read the new posts and am guilty of reading member's threads that I know well or threads that could educate me on taking care of Benny and Emma. SM can get time consuming! I hope you will stick around though....give it time, be yourself and I can almost guarantee you will start to form closer bonds with members!

PS....I'm Tammy and I have Benny and Emma better known as B&E. Very nice to meet you!!


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## kodie

I've been a member for about 7 yrs now... and i am def not as active of a member as i used to be.. life has just gotten in the way. I would say that you shouldnt delete your membership. It takes a few years to get to know all the personalities on the forum. I also would like to share that i def dont regret being a member here... i have learned so much.. met wonderful people, and everyone helped me to decide on a breeder to get kelsie from! (my second maltese)


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## romeo&juliet

Oh im a newbie and i feel very welcomed i dont judge on the amount of response to my posts just the fact that i have somewhere to go that atleast one person is willing to help me whatever the situation might be is rewarding and helpful for me and my babies... I wouldnt delete the account i would give it more time. I am the one of the ones that most likely will not be able to meet anyone in person unless their would me a meeting close to south florida but i do feel that i belong in this community and soon i hope to have them as friends on fb just haven't had a chance to ask anyone if they wouldn't mind.......


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## almitra

Admin's pretty good about keeping downright cruel clique activities in check. Yes, there have been a few times (and most of us recall them) when a small group have actually ganged up to chase a member off, but they meet with suspension and/or membership revocation for it. Still, it has happened. I do find that the ones who launch personal attacks are in the minority when you look at the actual membership numbers on this forum, however. This makes your "ignore all posts by this member" button a real lifesaver--you need never subject yourself to any derogatory, judgmental, or cruel posts again. By and large, the vast majority of members here are gems---a veritable treasure trove of loving, caring, and intelligent support/info/advice, so please do not let the few uncouth with no people skills be the cause of your departure. Look how many of us adore and appreciate you and all you have to offer the forum. Your input and insights are not only welcomed, they are highly esteemed. As are _you_, as evidenced by page after page after page of well wishes and offerings of friendship. I don't personally know you, OP, but I certainly want to and hope you'll remain so we all get the chance.


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## CrystalAndZoe

When I first joined SM, not only was it the first forum I had ever joined, but I didn't have a digital camera. I found that I got very few replies to my posts but I really think it had to do with the fact that I didn't have a picture siggy or post pics. It really does help to start putting personalities and faces...even if they are furry white faces (although mine is getting a bit furrier as the years pass :blush: ). I know I had a terrible time remembering who was who, who posted what, on those that didn't have a picture siggy or avatar. Once I got a digital camera and figured out how to post pics, things really started to change for me.

As for cliques...I guess I really don't think there are. I think of cliques as mean, bully-ish groups who want to be seen as the 'it' group. I think there had been one starting up awhile back and most of that group is no longer here. I do see there are some really great friendships that have developed here over the years. Isn't it normal that some people just 'click' with each other better then others? Maybe that's where the word 'clique' came from? And yes, those who have developed those type of friendships will most likely be sure to respond to a friends thread where they may not respond to someone elses all the time. I really tried for awhile to respond to every single new thread but I couldn't keep up and found my responses were becoming the cliche 'cute' or 'awww' or something. When I reply to posts it's because I have something to really say. And believe it or not, I may not always have something to say. :w00t: :HistericalSmiley: Ok...pick yourselves up off the floor people! As most people who have been here for any length of time know, I'm pretty transparent. I share what's on my mind and I have certain things I'm pretty passionate about. I tend to speak bluntly rather then cloak my words in such a politically correct way that my point may not be clear. But I am consistent. And my heart is ALWAYS first and foremost for the fluffs. Some people like that about me and others...not so much. I'm not one who needs to agree with someone 100% of the time to really like and care about them, and will be there to give support and help to them if ever their fluff is in need. I would be there to help a fluff if at all possible to someone I really didn't care for because this forum is about Maltese and I love each and every Maltese and little fluffy creature here.

And as others have said, life has gotten extremely hectic for me lately and I find I'm not on here much at all. And I may want to respond but honestly don't have the time or energy right now. Today I have more energy and I'm caught up for a bit. So I'm writing my typical 'novela'. B) I will say as life has gotten so hectic for me, and when I get a lot of PM's close together, I am guilty of not always responding right away. And there have been times when I could have sworn I've responded and later found out I didn't. :brownbag: My theory on that one is that I've composed what my response was going to be in my head and planned to reply later and forgot. I refuse to think it has anything to do with my age. :angry:

Like others have said, keep posting! Post pics. Post fun stories that share a little window into who you are and what life is like for you. For me, it's when I can actually start putting a persona behind a username that a relationship may start. And even if you don't feel like you have made many friends here on SM yet, rest assured if ever your baby was sick or hurt and you needed help, advice, comfort...the SM family rallies like no other around a member. Even if it's a first time poster.

Oh...and if anyone has ever sent you a nasty pm, gosh I'm horribly sorry that happened. I don't think Admin. would allow that so report it to Yung.


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## CrystalAndZoe

sophie said:


> I'm sorry you feel like this, but can understand. I agree with what others have said about giving it some time. I don't see any cliques, just those who are fortunate enough to have made really really good friends.
> 
> For me it's hard to open myself up to establish really close friendships as I tend to pull away as a friendship starts to become more personal (isn't that awful?).  But at the same time I sometimes feel a little jealous of those who can. If that makes sense. lol
> 
> I used to post a lot, but have been going through some turmoil in my life for a bit now and although my intentions to reply to posts are good when I come to SM, I find myself doing more reading than posting. At the same time, I know that if I need any advice or questions answered I could come to SM and the support would be here.
> 
> Hopefully, my life will settle down and I can spend more time establishing relationships on SM instead of mindlessly clicking on FB games while I evaluate my life. Sheesh, didn't mean to get that personal. lol
> 
> Anyway, stick around, I've been on many forums and I can honestly say that even with the inevitable bumps along the way as in any forum - SM is is the cream of the crop of forums.
> 
> Linda


I totally understand where you are coming from my friend. I'm glad to know you're still here even though not posting much.

Oh...while doing those mindless games on FB, why not add Gardens of Time to your list of games? I would really love to expand my garden and need one more neighbor. Not that I'm trying to contribute to your gaming addiction on FB. :innocent:


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## romeo&juliet

:goodpost::cheer:


Crystal&Zoe said:


> When I first joined SM, not only was it the first forum I had ever joined, but I didn't have a digital camera. I found that I got very few replies to my posts but I really think it had to do with the fact that I didn't have a picture siggy or post pics. It really does help to start putting personalities and faces...even if they are furry white faces (although mine is getting a bit furrier as the years pass :blush: ). I know I had a terrible time remembering who was who, who posted what, on those that didn't have a picture siggy or avatar. Once I got a digital camera and figured out how to post pics, things really started to change for me.
> 
> As for cliques...I guess I really don't think there are. I think of cliques as mean, bully-ish groups who want to be seen as the 'it' group. I think there had been one starting up awhile back and most of that group is no longer here. I do see there are some really great friendships that have developed here over the years. Isn't it normal that some people just 'click' with each other better then others? Maybe that's where the word 'clique' came from? And yes, those who have developed those type of friendships will most likely be sure to respond to a friends thread where they may not respond to someone elses all the time. I really tried for awhile to respond to every single new thread but I couldn't keep up and found my responses were becoming the cliche 'cute' or 'awww' or something. When I reply to posts it's because I have something to really say. And believe it or not, I may not always have something to say. :w00t: :HistericalSmiley: Ok...pick yourselves up off the floor people! As most people who have been here for any length of time know, I'm pretty transparent. I share what's on my mind and I have certain things I'm pretty passionate about. I tend to speak bluntly rather then cloak my words in such a politically correct way that my point may not be clear. But I am consistent. And my heart is ALWAYS first and foremost for the fluffs. Some people like that about me and others...not so much. I'm not one who needs to agree with someone 100% of the time to really like and care about them, and will be there to give support and help to them if ever their fluff is in need. I would be there to help a fluff if at all possible to someone I really didn't care for because this forum is about Maltese and I love each and every Maltese and little fluffy creature here.
> 
> And as others have said, life has gotten extremely hectic for me lately and I find I'm not on here much at all. And I may want to respond but honestly don't have the time or energy right now. Today I have more energy and I'm caught up for a bit. So I'm writing my typical 'novela'. B) I will say as life has gotten so hectic for me, and when I get a lot of PM's close together, I am guilty of not always responding right away. And there have been times when I could have sworn I've responded and later found out I didn't. :brownbag: My theory on that one is that I've composed what my response was going to be in my head and planned to reply later and forgot. I refuse to think it has anything to do with my age. :angry:
> 
> Like others have said, keep posting! Post pics. Post fun stories that share a little window into who you are and what life is like for you. For me, it's when I can actually start putting a persona behind a username that a relationship may start. And even if you don't feel like you have made many friends here on SM yet, rest assured if ever your baby was sick or hurt and you needed help, advice, comfort...the SM family rallies like no other around a member. Even if it's a first time poster.
> 
> Oh...and if anyone has ever sent you a nasty pm, gosh I'm horribly sorry that happened. I don't think Admin. would allow that so report it to Yung.


----------



## CrystalAndZoe

Purple-peep said:


> There's an "anti-Korean breeder" clique, here on SM. That I know first hand:thumbsup:


If that is truly what you feel and the only thing you got from my response as well as some others on other threads regarding such long distances for a pet Maltese, that makes me very very sad. My response as well as others would be the same for a breeder in China, Japan, Australia, Hungary, etc....


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## Johita

Crystal&Zoe said:


> I totally understand where you are coming from my friend. I'm glad to know you're still here even though not posting much.
> 
> Oh...while doing those mindless games on FB, why not add Gardens of Time to your list of games? I would really love to expand my garden and need one more neighbor. Not that I'm trying to contribute to your gaming addiction on FB. :innocent:


LOL me too! I need more Garden of Times friends LOL!


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## elly

Orla said:


> I have to disagree with you - when a newbie comes here with a question like "should I breed my female malt with my male poodle?" etc, the members here approach this very well by starting off nicely explaining what is wrong with that - the newbie tends to be "chased off" when they don't agree with what has been said - so, actually they tend to be "it's my way or the highway" type.
> 
> Also, I think you are extremely lucky to have the opportunity to meet up with other members and their maltese - I would love to be able to do that!


:goodpost:


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## PuppyLove97

Ive had you as a friend for almost as long as I've been a member. You were my first friend her on sm. I only have 2  you're also the only member who's posted on my profile. I don't reply to very many posts because I'm only on a few times a week but I think your fluffs are adorable and I would be upset if you deleted your account so please don't. From now on I'll try and reply to all of your posts  my names jayda and I got my pennypoo a couple weeks ago. I also have 2 other dogs names Taz and Bauer. I don't currently have a purebred Maltese yet but I do want one. I got my penny from a Maltese breeder. I went planning on getting a Maltese and fell in love with a different one. You can pm me any time and I'll reply as soon as possible. Don't leave sm.


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## Sylie

My goodness Brooke, you just got a whopping 72 replies to your 







post, but you haven't added a comment. I don't get it. 72 replies to your 72 posts. Be happy and chime in.:thumbsup: (Excuse me if I overlooked a reply by Brooke...it's a long thread.)


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## poochie2

Sylie said:


> My goodness Brooke, you just got a whopping 72 replies to your
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> post, but you haven't added a comment. I don't get it. 72 replies to your 72 posts. Be happy and chime in.:thumbsup: (Excuse me if I overlooked a reply by Brooke...it's a long thread.)


I totally agree:thumbsup: So many kind people reaching out but I have yet to see a reply from CharmingDior.


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## jodublin

the reasons i return everyday to sm i'm not quiet sure ,i've learnt a good deal ,
share a lot ,laughed a lot and yes, some days i've cried .spoiled maltese is now a little part of my life and that of my dogs ,owning a maltese is just part of it..
i'm sorry you feel you've been left out ..hugs jo


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## sophie

poochie2 said:


> I totally agree:thumbsup: So many kind people reaching out but I have yet to see a reply from CharmingDior.


According to her profile, she hasn't been on SM, while signed on with that profile, since she posted this message. Hope she comes back.

Linda


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## pammy4501

spookiesmom said:


> I wouldn't say there are cliques here like in school days. And yes, there are friends here that may go back years. That's great. Good for you. But more what I see here are *stubborn, elitist, snobs.* My way or the highway types. Who refuse to acknowledge somebody else just may be right. When a newbie comes with a valid question and the person is run off........
> 
> I almost left as soon as I joined too. This forum is a tough one.
> 
> *If I do go over to Orlando, you can bet the rent I won't be at the meetup*.


 Wow. That isn't very warm and welcoming at all. I am only an occasional poster here. But I have had the privilege of meeting a number of SM members personally at meet ups etc. and have had nothing but the most fun. I have made some wonderful "friends for life" here. If you came to Orlando, you should give it a chance and meet with some SM people before you slam a judgement like that! You are the one missing out on some wonderful fun, and the potential to make some great friends!



Purple-peep said:


> There's an "anti-Korean breeder" clique, here on SM. That I know first hand:thumbsup:


 Again, another negative comment. But in the entire thread these are the only two negatives I could see. All of the rest of the comments are what my experiences here have been....warm and kind. No, we don't comment on each others threads everyday. Some post more that others. But when the chips are down, this group is there for each other. I have stated many times here...I love SM people.
But sadly, the OP started this and left. People need to give it a chance. Don't let one or two Negative Nancies be the voice for this forum!


----------



## CharmingDior

*I apologize for the long Hiatus!*

I have not been feeling well since I posted this (migraines:smstarz. Originally I was afraid to read the post until I got some other messages on MT about this thread. I guess I was afraid that I might receive hate mail or anthrax through email or something...LOL:HistericalSmiley:! I am honestly surprised at the turnout of this thread and I do understand the consensus is to give it time. I can do that! I also hope that everyone takes a moment to enjoy their summer:wine:...seems like a lot of the ladies here are quite busy during that time.

I am very excited to get to know and meet many more of the ladies here! (And any gents we may have as well!) I am in Tallahassee right now...just about to finish up school but, I have plenty of family scattered throughout Florida like weeds, haha! I travel down south quite often so Florida Turnpike is my home...so any SM meetups? (I'm there) :chili:


----------



## Lacie's Mom

Brooke -- so glad that you decided to stick around -- I think you will find it worth it (at least I hope so).

Sorry to hear about the migraines. I get them too and they're sooooooooooo miserable. Ugh.

I know that a lot of our members live in Florida, so hopefully you'll be able to join a meet up and get to know some of our members in person.


----------



## Bibu

Sorry about the migraines...I know they really suck!!!! 

I am really glad that you decided to stick around and give SM another shot! :chili:
I look forward to seeing more pictures of you and Gianni!!! :thumbsup:


----------



## almitra

Good to see you still here, girlfriend.


----------



## CharmingDior

*Just a Heads-Up...*

I have many PM's from members that believe that SM is more clique-ish than not. These members have been here for a few years (2+) and some have even admitted that they are afraid to post due to the "snobbish" attitudes of other members. (Of course this was in private so no personal info will be released) but, I feel horrible for those people who are so turned off. I do understand that some people join post a question or two and then disappear, never to be heard from again...but, I just hate to hear long standing members being so frightened by the few people who may have a "pack-mentality". 

Of course I wish I can fix the world...but, I would settle with just fixing the intimidation (whether true or just self inflicted) that some members feel.

The only reason why I am saying this is to say that perhaps there are more members that feel this way but are just very afraid to say something.:blush: 

So if there is anything you feel that you can do better or any way to be more welcoming...let's try (me included!).:wub: 

Bringing Peace to the World One Post at a Time,

Brooke & Gianni:thumbsup:


----------



## sophie

Glad to see you back and hope your migraines get better - I know they suck big time.

So sorry to hear that there are SM members who are afraid to post - I would hope they would read this thread and start to post again. I believe this thread shows that most SM members are really nice caring people. I mean, look how many members posted to make sure you knew that you were wanted here and truly cared about.

I've been a member since, I think, 2006 and have never felt intimated nor have I run across anyone who was snobbish enough to stop me from posting. Maybe I'm just naive, but I would just ignore those types of posters before I would let someone intimidate me into not posting on a forum that is open to all lovers of Maltese. 

Yes, I've seen the good, the bad, and the ugly here on SM - 99% of it good, but I would hope that the 1% wouldn't keep someone from posting. 

Honestly, I just don't understand giving that control up to someone else. Hugs,

Linda


----------



## CrystalAndZoe

CharmingDior said:


> I have many PM's from members that believe that SM is more clique-ish than not. These members have been here for a few years (2+) and some have even admitted that they are afraid to post due to the "snobbish" attitudes of other members. (Of course this was in private so no personal info will be released) but, I feel horrible for those people who are so turned off. I do understand that some people join post a question or two and then disappear, never to be heard from again...but, I just hate to hear long standing members being so frightened by the few people who may have a "pack-mentality".
> 
> Of course I wish I can fix the world...but, I would settle with just fixing the intimidation (whether true or just self inflicted) that some members feel.
> 
> The only reason why I am saying this is to say that perhaps there are more members that feel this way but are just very afraid to say something.:blush:
> 
> So if there is anything you feel that you can do better or any way to be more welcoming...let's try (me included!).:wub:
> 
> Bringing Peace to the World One Post at a Time,
> 
> Brooke & Gianni:thumbsup:


Seriously?? I don't think I even know how to begin to respond to this. Especially the 'Bringing Peace to the World One Post at a Time' line.

I had written out one of my 'novela' replies but think perhaps I shall think on it a bit more.


----------



## CharmingDior

iheartbisou said:


> So true!! Personally I love to see the photos and read about grooming/health/whatever issues....I'll leave the judgments and judging to the judgmental people. :thumbsup:
> 
> to the OP- I don't know if there are cliques here or not...I guess it depends who you're asking-from time to time this subject comes up and I never have the slightest idea of what/who the cliques are...but I wouldn't even begin to be bothered by those things- and least of all- by those groups/people- if they even exist. I do think people get busy and don't have time to respond to each and every post...why should they? Everyone has their own thing going on-offline, hopefully.
> 
> If you think about it..it's just beyond silly- random people on the internet including or excluding you- and on a cute dog forum? That's not even real or serious enough to be taken seriously. LOL!


I am sure everyone has a life outside of SM. I think it would be silly to think otherwise. But aside from having a life outside of SM, it is better to interact on a forum with members than not. I think it is silly for anyone to assume they know the detailed experiences of other members on such cute dog forum. As I briefly referenced before I have received nasty messages from popular members. So am I wrong for taking something so deliberately typed and written to me as real or serious? I think to each their own and I rather agree to disagree on that note...but anyone receiving nasty messages in this day and age has the sensible right to be personally offended and/or concerned whether it is from a random person (which IMO, is more dangerous) or someone they know.


----------



## CharmingDior

Crystal&Zoe said:


> Seriously?? I don't think I even know how to begin to respond to this. Especially the 'Bringing Peace to the World One Post at a Time' line.
> 
> I had written out one of my 'novela' replies but think perhaps I shall think on it a bit more.


Not sure how to respond to this either...the last line was sarcasm if that makes a difference. But it is just to let everyone know there are people who are intimidated by others here and therefore do not post or answer, they just read...and I understand why.


----------



## CharmingDior

mom2bijou said:


> I think we have all felt the way you do at one time. As everyone else says, it takes time to start forming "deeper" friendships on SM. I've been here for almost 5 years but trust me it took awhile. Going to meetups is a great way to get to know members better. Also, many of us joined facebook I think that really helped members get to know each other off the forum as well. Of course participating in the SM events is also a great way to get to know members (Secret Santa, Bingo, Raffles, etc.) I guess there are "cliques" but I also think some people are just better friends because of age, where they live, dogs being from the same breeder, etc.
> 
> I have to confess that in the past I was much more active in posting. Now that I pretty much just jump on here in the morning I tend to just read the new posts and am guilty of reading member's threads that I know well or threads that could educate me on taking care of Benny and Emma. SM can get time consuming! I hope you will stick around though....give it time, be yourself and I can almost guarantee you will start to form closer bonds with members!
> 
> PS....I'm Tammy and I have Benny and Emma better known as B&E. Very nice to meet you!!


:smilie_daumenpos::ThankYou:

I am working my way through the posts since I have been MIA but I would like to say thank you for such a great post. I think perhaps, getting to know people more intimately would make a world of difference. And I can start by participating in some of the things you suggested. I do want a few furneices and furnephews. Just to send gifts to outside of those scheduled events, LOL! B&E are absolutely adorable by the way and I hope that we can get to know each other better Tammy!:chili:


----------



## sophie

I may be off base here, but I think it's a conscious choice whether or not to let someone intimidate you to the point of not posting to an internet forum. I mean if someone is intimidating a member through a PM or whatever and it is so bad that someone is afraid to post then they should report that person to admin whom I'm sure would take action if it was so bad as to scare someone from posting. (You're making images of horse heads and whatnot from the Godfather pop into my head.) 

I'm sorry, but I just don't understand it! My initial gut instinct is, and it may be crass, but they need to grow a set and post away if that is what they want to do. I mean why give in to these so-called intimidators? It makes me think there is more to their own story about why they don't feel comfortable enough to post here.

Linda


----------



## iheartbisou

CharmingDior said:


> I am sure everyone has a life outside of SM. I think it would be silly to think otherwise. But aside from having a life outside of SM, it is better to interact on a forum with members than not. I think it is silly for anyone to assume they know the detailed experiences of other members on such cute dog forum. As I briefly referenced before I have received nasty messages from popular members. So am I wrong for taking something so deliberately typed and written to me as real or serious? I think to each their own and I rather agree to disagree on that note...but anyone receiving nasty messages in this day and age has the sensible right to be personally offended and/or concerned whether it is from a random person (which IMO, is more dangerous) or someone they know.


If someone has sent you PMs that were threatening or nasty, you should report this asap to the administrator (Yung). That's a very different scenario than a post asking if there are cliques on SM. Also I would not assume that whoever the "popular members" are, that sent these..represent all the other members here. That's extremely unfair as the majority here would never think about doing something like this.

In my opinion, people sending PMs about there being cliques are being very dramatic..something that I, personally, would not want to get caught up in. It's your choice to stay out of their dramas. This is very different from people sending threatening messages to you.

good luck!


----------



## CharmingDior

*Thanks so Much Ladies...*



kodie said:


> I've been a member for about 7 yrs now... and i am def not as active of a member as i used to be.. life has just gotten in the way. I would say that you shouldnt delete your membership. It takes a few years to get to know all the personalities on the forum. I also would like to share that i def dont regret being a member here... i have learned so much.. met wonderful people, and everyone helped me to decide on a breeder to get kelsie from! (my second maltese)


I think it is very sweet that you have received such helpful information. I see that the members here helped you find your little furry companion and that is enough to call SM home! That is so heartwarming!:wub: They both are quite adorable by the way!



romeo&juliet said:


> Oh im a newbie and i feel very welcomed i dont judge on the amount of response to my posts just the fact that i have somewhere to go that atleast one person is willing to help me whatever the situation might be is rewarding and helpful for me and my babies... I wouldnt delete the account i would give it more time. I am the one of the ones that most likely will not be able to meet anyone in person unless their would me a meeting close to south florida but i do feel that i belong in this community and soon i hope to have them as friends on fb just haven't had a chance to ask anyone if they wouldn't mind.......


I travel to SF all the time and would love to meet new people! I am glad you are having such a wonderful experience as well. That gives me hope since you are not too familiar with everyone as well! Thanks!:chili:



almitra said:


> Admin's pretty good about keeping downright cruel clique activities in check. Yes, there have been a few times (and most of us recall them) when a small group have actually ganged up to chase a member off, but they meet with suspension and/or membership revocation for it. Still, it has happened. I do find that the ones who launch personal attacks are in the minority when you look at the actual membership numbers on this forum, however. This makes your "ignore all posts by this member" button a real lifesaver--you need never subject yourself to any derogatory, judgmental, or cruel posts again. By and large, the vast majority of members here are gems---a veritable treasure trove of loving, caring, and intelligent support/info/advice, so please do not let the few uncouth with no people skills be the cause of your departure. Look how many of us adore and appreciate you and all you have to offer the forum. Your input and insights are not only welcomed, they are highly esteemed. As are _you_, as evidenced by page after page after page of well wishes and offerings of friendship. I don't personally know you, OP, but I certainly want to and hope you'll remain so we all get the chance.


Thank you so much. You basically hit the nail on the head. I have received some downright mean stuff. Not sure if admin monitors PMs, though. I cannot believe the turnout of this post. I personally never expect for the responses to pile up to 5 pages let alone 10+ but, I am happy to receive so many outstretched hands and open hearts....makes me feel as though you are completely right about the majority!


----------



## Orla

I don't see how people can be intimidated here - I have never felt intimidated or scared to post something.

I can't think of any times when a member or members have behaved negatively towards another member without very good reason.


----------



## Orla

CharmingDior said:


> I am sure everyone has a life outside of SM. I think it would be silly to think otherwise. But aside from having a life outside of SM, it is better to interact on a forum with members than not. I think it is silly for anyone to assume they know the detailed experiences of other members on such cute dog forum. *As I briefly referenced before I have received nasty messages from popular members. *So am I wrong for taking something so deliberately typed and written to me as real or serious? I think to each their own and I rather agree to disagree on that note...but anyone receiving nasty messages in this day and age has the sensible right to be personally offended and/or concerned whether it is from a random person (which IMO, is more dangerous) or someone they know.


Woah! Seriously!? Was it just randomly sent to you? That sounds so odd :blink:


----------



## Snowbody

Did those mean, nasty PMs come after you posted something that someone felt was controversial? I can't even imagine people who are long time members of SM doing that and I really urge you to pass this info on to Yung now so that action can be taken. Another thing that I do in the rest of my life, is never stoop to the low that someone tries to goad you into. It's better to rise above it all and ignore it. JMHO


----------



## poochie2

CharmingDior said:


> I have many PM's from members that believe that SM is more clique-ish than not. These members have been here for a few years (2+) and some have even admitted that they are afraid to post due to the "snobbish" attitudes of other members. (Of course this was in private so no personal info will be released) but, I feel horrible for those people who are so turned off. I do understand that some people join post a question or two and then disappear, never to be heard from again...but, I just hate to hear long standing members being so frightened by the few people who may have a "pack-mentality".
> 
> Of course I wish I can fix the world...but, I would settle with just fixing the intimidation (whether true or just self inflicted) that some members feel.
> 
> The only reason why I am saying this is to say that perhaps there are more members that feel this way but are just very afraid to say something.:blush:
> 
> So if there is anything you feel that you can do better or any way to be more welcoming...let's try (me included!).:wub:
> 
> Bringing Peace to the World One Post at a Time,
> 
> Brooke & Gianni:thumbsup:


Instead of being thankful for the tremendous positive advice you have received you post about"" members afraid to post cause of snobbish attitudes"" or even worse things like""members having a pack-mentality"". I was shocked to read this ! :blink: This is all nonsense.....and it goes on and on to ""bringing peace to the world one post at a time"". LOL :HistericalSmiley:
IMO SM members.... this is not right. 
The out pour of amazing friendly good natured people on Spoiled Maltese is wonderful and there are so many loving hearts that contributed good advice on this thread .Now the OP looks to me as if she just wants to stir things up.


----------



## sophie

Well, maybe I have too much time on my hands, but curiosity got the best of me and I read through all of your posts since you joined SM and I couldn't find one thing you posted that would have remotely spurred on a "popular" member of SM to send you a nasty PM. I can't say that I'm totally doubting this happened - maybe someone during the heat of the Casey Anthony trial?

I don't want to turn this thread into something it's not, but then again you are asking us on faith to believe that someone, whom by your admission is popular (i.e., someone most SM members like or are friends with), is sending nasty PMs to you. Just doesn't make sense to me. I just can't think of any longtime, beloved member of SM doing that to a newbie totally out of the blue.


----------



## Orla

sophie said:


> I don't want to turn this thread into something it's not, but then again you are asking us on faith to believe that someone, whom by your admission is popular (i.e., someone most SM members like or are friends with), is sending nasty PMs to you. Just doesn't make sense to me. I just can't think of any longtime, beloved member of SM doing that to a newbie totally out of the blue.


:goodpost:

OP, I'm sorry if a "popular" member actually did send you a nasty pm but I just find it hard to believe.


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## Sylie

Yay, Brooke you are back.:chili: Maybe you should kind of, sort of, look at that. You get busy and do not reply to comments on your own post. That happens. But you have a lot of replies and a lot of love even in your absence. Come on, girl, it is time to admit that you get loads of love here. Smile and embrace it...and post back.

Is everybody happy?:chili::chili::chili::wub:I am. Speak up and admit that we have showered you with affection.:thumbsup:


----------



## Bonnie's Mommie

Snowbody said:


> Did those mean, nasty PMs come after you posted something that someone felt was controversial? I can't even imagine people who are long time members of SM doing that and* I really urge you to pass this info on to Yung now so that action can be taken. Another thing that I do in the rest of my life, is never stoop to the low that someone tries to goad you into. It's better to rise above it all and ignore it. JMHO*


Perfectly said, Sue! I couldn't have said it better myself (which is often the case - you and I think alike!).


----------



## CharmingDior

iheartbisou said:


> If someone has sent you PMs that were threatening or nasty, you should report this asap to the administrator (Yung). That's a very different scenario than a post asking if there are cliques on SM. Also I would not assume that whoever the "popular members" are, that sent these..represent all the other members here. That's extremely unfair as the majority here would never think about doing something like this.
> 
> In my opinion, people sending PMs about there being cliques are being very dramatic..something that I, personally, would not want to get caught up in. It's your choice to stay out of their dramas. This is very different from people sending threatening messages to you.
> 
> good luck!


 I thought I would take the extra step to inform some members who have taken an interest in this thread for genuine (non-drama creating) reasons by informing them of people being intimidated for whatever reasons. I thought by also stating that whatever WE can do to be more welcoming and inviting let's do it...would be just a suggestion. (Everyone can make a daily effort to become better than what they were yesterday...personal evolution can make this world a better place whether it is virtual or reality.) There is enough issues in everyone's daily life to begin stirring up virtual drama. My life is more interesting than that (as I am sure others are), so I would never stoop that low. I never would have posted this information if I would have known it was going to have such rebuttals. It is just how someone feels. I really don't understand the difference between someone sending me a PM about how they have been bullied and the countless amount of threads written by newbies stating how hesitant and intimidated they have been about posting. Does the amount of posts make a difference. Can't new and old members feel intimidated? The point is you do not know in which way they were intimidated to cast judgement about how they should or should not feel...every person handles certain situations differently. I made the decision to post a thread and seek others who may or may not have had the same experience...not to make those who have feel bad about the way they handled it. 

I asked a question about cliques...I did not make a generalized stereotype at all. If I had I would not have "thought" about canceling my membership, I would have just done it. Maybe I wrote something that has been misunderstood...but, I even gave thanks to those members that have been welcoming and friendly.:blush: I do not know what is "unfair" but I know I have been fair and not cast judgement on anyone. I am opinionated but also openminded. I believe in my religion but I do not mind sitting down and learning about someone else's. I love to be enlightened.


----------



## CharmingDior

*Oh but you HAVE!!!*



Sylie said:


> Yay, Brooke you are back. Maybe you should kind of, sort of, look at that. You get busy and do not reply to comments on your own post. That happens. But you have a lot of replies and a lot of love even in your absence. Come on, girl, it is time to admit that you get loads of love here. Smile and embrace it...and post back.
> 
> Is everybody happy? I am. Speak up and admit that we have showered you with affection.


I cannot argue with you there...I have definitely received a TON of feedback and encouragement. More than I anticipated! Never thought this thread or any thread of mine could become so populated, LOL!

Thank you all so Very Very Very VERY much! 

(In a horrible acting voice)... You like me, You Really Like ME!
:ThankYou:arty::tender::walklikeanegyptian::clap::Happy_Dance::dothewave::sLo_grouphug3::happy dance:


----------



## bellaratamaltese

I really am saddened to hear that you've been sent bullying type pms  

I will say one thing - if not for this forum, I would not be where I am at right now in the show world. When I joined, I was a clueless, novice pet owner who wouldn't have recognized breeder red flags if they slapped me in the face. I had some bumps along the way in my 'learning process' but I have also have some amazing friends because of SM. The support this forum has given my daughter is incredible and means sooo much to both of us. 

So I could have let those bumps along the way steer me away but I'm glad I didn't! And I hope you will be able to come to Orlando, would love to meet you. I know you had expressed an interest in showing (on the other forum, I think) and I'd be happy to give you an introduction. :aktion033:


----------



## CharmingDior

sophie said:


> Well, maybe I have too much time on my hands, but curiosity got the best of me and I read through all of your posts since you joined SM and I couldn't find one thing you posted that would have remotely spurred on a "popular" member of SM to send you a nasty PM. I can't say that I'm totally doubting this happened - maybe someone during the heat of the Casey Anthony trial?
> 
> I don't want to turn this thread into something it's not, but then again you are asking us on faith to believe that someone, whom by your admission is popular (i.e., someone most SM members like or are friends with), is sending nasty PMs to you. Just doesn't make sense to me. I just can't think of any longtime, beloved member of SM doing that to a newbie totally out of the blue.





Orla said:


> :goodpost:
> 
> 
> OP, I'm sorry if a "popular" member actually did send you a nasty pm but I just find it hard to believe.


I really do not know what to tell you besides I have no reason to lie. You can reread any thread or post written by me and tell me what You may think. Perhaps, it was the trial... I really DK. I have tried to think of it myself and that is the closet I have come. Perhaps, the member is not as popular as I may have thought...they haven't responded to this thread but I have not been able to go through every page. They frequent this forum quite a bit (almost daily) and they also have thousands of posts, they also have many friends and plenty of turn out when posting a new thread. (I assume this is part of what makes one popular.) I am not going to post a name to prevent unnecessary drama...do not want to turn this into a witch hunt, LOL...but I really do not have any reason to stir any pot, esp. if I just want to make friends and not enemies.

By my definition a popular member has...are they your friend...IDK? The person is on my ignore list and I plan to keep it that way.:blush:


----------



## sophie

CharmingDior said:


> I really do not know what to tell besides I have no reason to lie. You can reread any thread or post written by me and tell me what You may think. Perhaps, it was the trial... I really DK. I have tried to think of it myself and that is the closet I have come. Perhaps, the member is not as popular as I may have thought...they haven't responded to this thread but have not been able to go through every page. They frequent this forum quite a bit (almost daily) and they also have thousands of posts, they also have many friends and plenty of turn out when posting a new thread. (I assume this is part of what makes one popular.) I am not going to post a name to prevent unnecessary drama...do not want to turn this into a witch hunt, LOL...but I really do not have any reason to stir any pot, esp. if I just want to make friends and not enemies.
> 
> By my definition a popular member has...are they your friend...IDK? *The person is on my ignore list and I plan to keep it that way.*:blush:


That's probably the best course of action - I would definitely ignore someone if they were sending me nasty PMs.


----------



## CharmingDior

bellaratamaltese said:


> I really am saddened to hear that you've been sent bullying type pms
> 
> I will say one thing - if not for this forum, I would not be where I am at right now in the show world. When I joined, I was a clueless, novice pet owner who wouldn't have recognized breeder red flags if they slapped me in the face. I had some bumps along the way in my 'learning process' but I have also have some amazing friends because of SM. The support this forum has given my daughter is incredible and means sooo much to both of us.
> 
> So I could have let those bumps along the way steer me away but I'm glad I didn't! And I hope you will be able to come to Orlando, would love to meet you. I know you had expressed an interest in showing (on the other forum, I think) and I'd be happy to give you an introduction. :aktion033:


How amazing that would be! I know you have told your story plenty of times and every time it never fails to amaze me. Just the thought of Bellarata Maltese never starting is almost unfathomable, LOL! You have achieved such great feats in so little time. :chili:

Thank you so much for your words spoken from experience. I do plan on coming to Orlando...just must make sure everything checks out!


----------



## CharmingDior

poochie2 said:


> Instead of being thankful for the tremendous positive advice you have received you post about"" members afraid to post cause of snobbish attitudes"" or even worse things like""members having a pack-mentality"". I was shocked to read this ! :blink: This is all nonsense.....and it goes on and on to ""bringing peace to the world one post at a time"". LOL :HistericalSmiley:
> IMO SM members.... this is not right.
> The out pour of amazing friendly good natured people on Spoiled Maltese is wonderful and there are so many loving hearts that contributed good advice on this thread .Now the OP looks to me as if she just wants to stir things up.


I suppose some of my posts have been overlooked but, I have not said one judgmental comment towards anyone and to me this post to me is not right. My granny always told me when pointing a finger there are three pointing back.


----------



## CharmingDior

sophie said:


> That's probably the best course of action - I would definitely ignore someone if they were sending me nasty PMs.


I think so as well!:thumbsup:


----------



## CharmingDior

*What Else Can I Say???*



MalteseJane said:


> Well take it from an old multiple forums member. All those forums are the same. When they get to big you loose the friendliness of the members. And there are cliques forming. I avoid taking part at sending post cards, Christmas gifts etc... because I don't want to be part of a clique. Lately I just keep around because of some people I really like and are not part of a clique. It is also normal that people who met in person are more connected to one another. But they should not make other ones feel ignored. If it is getting more personal they should use the PM to connect and not the open forum who it looks like they are only talking to each other. Like Deb said, you haven't been here long, give it some more time. There is no perfect forum. And SM is full of very good information even tho sometimes it's extreme. But you take the good and leave the bad.





educ8m said:


> Brooke, I’m sorry you’re not feeling welcome. That's a terrible feeling, but I too encourage you to give yourself time to cultivate friendships. I’ve been a member for a little over a year and still consider myself a newbie. When you realize there are people who have been on this forum for six years or so and have over 10,000 posts, I think it’s unrealistic to expect to have to have the same connections that have taken YEARS for others to develop.
> 
> MANY of the SM members know each other personally and are close friends. I made the decision to go to the National Specialty show this April because I knew I would have the chance to immerse myself in the Maltese world and also get to meet many of the SM members. There was even a special SM party where everyone brought their Malts. Many of the members go to Nationals every year, meet up at Pat’s annual puppy party, go to Westminster, or get together privately. If developing close friendships is one of the things you would like to get out of this forum, then I would encourage you to try to make it to one of these events. For example, I know there is a Hilton Head meet-up being planned for September, and as mentioned there is the Eukanuba show in Orlando in December. The next National Specialty is in San Diego at the end of May. However, I also believe that if you give it time, you can begin to develop friendships even if you haven’t met in person.
> 
> Think about real life. Would you feel as close to someone you just met two months ago as you do to a friend you’ve had for six years?
> I do know that no one is ignored on purpose. Like someone else mentioned, you can go to "Quick LInks" and check to see who's online. Many times there are very few members logged in. If you post at the wrong time, it does just get pushed down among all the others.





MaryH said:


> I lurked on this forum for about 2 years before I joined and in the first 3 years after joining I probably had only 100 posts and most of them were about health issues or training. And it took me a whole year after joining before I ever started a thread. I tend to post in threads about health more than anything else; in fact, I pretty much stopped answering training posts a long time ago because there are so many people on this forum who respond that same way I would. Do I goof around on this forum with a few people? Absolutely. But I've known some of these people for 12 or more years, sometimes the only time I have to communicate with these friends is via a quick post on SM. I answered a post tonight about shampoo ... a subject I usually skip right over. But that's because the person who started the thread is a good friend and owns a puppy from me. Chances are though if she started a thread tomorrow asking where to get a dress for her dog I'd skip right over that. So I guess my point is that I think some of us participate in certain threads based on the subject matter, not on who started the thread. I've probably never wished anyone on SM a happy birthday or congratulated them on their new puppy or said welcome to a new member but if someone has a health question that I can answer I'll be there for sure. My advice is to stick around. This is a great forum with great people.





LJSquishy said:


> I am very sorry you are feeling excluded on SM. Throughout the few years I have been a member, there have been several topics on this and I must say there are definitely some cliques -- but I think that is normal. Many members have met several times in real life which naturally makes them closer. I don't think any one intentionally excludes or ignores others...at least not that I have ever known of. I hope the person you are speaking of didn't intentionally ignore you.
> 
> I have been on here since getting London as a puppy, and I have felt both very included and somewhat excluded at times, it can fluctuate. The active members here on SM have hearts of gold and I truly love every single one of them. A lot of people will only respond to posts in their areas of "expertise". I try and respond to most, but even if I don't respond I certainly read every single thread (and that is a lot!!).  Hang in there, please!





Snowbody said:


> Brooke - like everyone says, give it time. I know when I first came on the forum I was petrified to post anything. I had no idea who anyone was, what many were talking about and what to do. I had never been on a forum before. Now I'm embarrassed to look at how much I've posted. :hiding:
> 
> I've gotten to know so many members on-line and they have been a godsend in helping me find my Tyler, keep him healthy, train him and groom him. And it's been a real joy to meet many of them in person and I've looked forward to each meeting for Tyler and for myself. And then there are fun threads that I enjoy, sad ones that break my heart, etc. There's a lot here and not everyone responds to every post. I try to respond a lot but to tell you the truth, we have been burnt by a lot of newbies, who weren't at all what they said they were but more or less trouble makers stirring the pot, that now I don't respond to newbies until they show that they are responsible members of SM. Maybe it's not fair but I felt that's what worked for me. I also have learned for the most part to stay away from controversial topics...can't stand when it goes in a downward spiral.
> 
> I have been extremely busy with work since the spring, often traveling, (now away on vacation - what am I doing here???) and haven't posted as much lately. It's life and it gets in the way. But all that being said I really love SM and I think you will if you give it more of a chance. And when the chips are down, there aren't many friends who will care as much as this group here does. JMHO.


All of you ladies and so many more (If I added everyone to these "quote" thingys I would have 4 pages alone, LOL) have said such excellent, sweet, and encouraging things! I am truly amazed that so many caring people were thoughtful enough to make me feel better. I am so humbled and grateful for the outpouring of support and care! You all have amazed me!

As I continue to go through the pages I will give thanks to others...but if I do not quote you your response was still read and taken to heart! Thank you again!


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## KAG

CharmingDior said:


> I have many PM's from members that believe that SM is more clique-ish than not. These members have been here for a few years (2+) and some have even admitted that they are afraid to post due to the "snobbish" attitudes of other members. (Of course this was in private so no personal info will be released) but, I feel horrible for those people who are so turned off. I do understand that some people join post a question or two and then disappear, never to be heard from again...but, I just hate to hear long standing members being so frightened by the few people who may have a "pack-mentality".
> 
> Of course I wish I can fix the world...but, I would settle with just fixing the intimidation (whether true or just self inflicted) that some members feel.
> 
> The only reason why I am saying this is to say that perhaps there are more members that feel this way but are just very afraid to say something.:blush:
> 
> So if there is anything you feel that you can do better or any way to be more welcoming...let's try (me included!).:wub:
> 
> Bringing Peace to the World One Post at a Time,
> 
> Brooke & Gianni:thumbsup:


Not sure how you expect to win friends with this post. Anything pm'd to you which you found inappropriate should have been reported to the Admin. Period. Also, for your edification:
Threads that appear to be started for the purpose of creating drama or mischief on the forum will be removed and the member starting such a thread and those whose posts fuel the drama or mischief will be subject to being warned, suspended or banned. *This includes "good-bye" posts stating you are leaving SM or are thinking about leaving SM. Also included are posts stating that another member has left or is thinking about leaving and posts asking where certain members have gone.* __________________

I think this thread is finished and should be closed. 
xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxo


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## pammy4501

KAG said:


> Not sure how you expect to win friends with this post. Anything pm'd to you which you found inappropriate should have been reported to the Admin. Period. Also, for your edification:
> Threads that appear to be started for the purpose of creating drama or mischief on the forum will be removed and the member starting such a thread and those whose posts fuel the drama or mischief will be subject to being warned, suspended or banned. *This includes "good-bye" posts stating you are leaving SM or are thinking about leaving SM. Also included are posts stating that another member has left or is thinking about leaving and posts asking where certain members have gone.* __________________
> 
> I think this thread is finished and should be closed.
> xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxo


 :amen:


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## thelordsbeauty

Ok, new to the thread. I think the last 2 posts were kinda harsh. Yes, i know i'm new to sm, but omgosh, Brooke is obviously feeling left out, hurt, and is reaching out and for some people to just ignore that and say "I don't know how you expect to make friends with this post" -sorry i don't know how to quote yet, is just dumb and sounds so high school. I hope that when you are in need of a friend, someone would reach out to you, as you failed to reach out to Brooke.

Brooke- I may be new to sm, and new to forums completely, but if i ever made you feel unwelcome or ignored, I'm sorry.


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## thelordsbeauty

And it also seems that this has happened before. http://spoiledmaltese.com/forum/49-anything-goes/106117-i-know-im-opening-can-worms.html

But anywhoo. Now we will REALLY see how clique-ish this place is, if all of a sudden I'm being ignored....lol. We'll see.


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## Katkoota

First, I am sorry that you've had migraines. I know how "no fun" an extreme nasty headache can feel like, so I am glad that you are feeling better.

Second, I agree with the bellow:


iheartbisou said:


> If someone has sent you PMs that were threatening or nasty, you should report this asap to the administrator (Yung). That's a very different scenario than a post asking if there are cliques on SM. !


if that is what you say happened, I would just contact Yung. He is admin. An Admin can see the full; two sided stories, so I don't see how any of us can help you in this. 
I first thought that you felt ignored?


CharmingDior said:


> Just wanted to know if I am the only one here who is having such a hard time finding "friends". *Recently, I was ignored by one of the well known and "friendly" members of this forum* . I really don't know why but it hurt some. (I guess because I would assume the best from her like most of us all do.) I mean we all sit at the end of a computer not really knowing what the other person is going through or who they really are; just assuming information to be true. You think the job titles and research experience even the names and pictures of their maltese aree real but, in reality your good friend Molly with 2 fluffs might be Ralph who runs a mill:blink:. I would love to be more involved with this community but find myself wondering whether or not I should just delete my account. (The experience with the members here just make me feel as though perhaps I am in over my head...it has been more than one member who has not treated me well.) *I just cannot figure out the atmosphere here on SM*...but, I wanted to know what you think? Has anyone had the experience or thought this? (I don't need names or any revealing info...but, *I wanted to know if I am alone on this world wide web*?)


then you added this question, but I assumed that it was a question where you didn't know the answer to? since you mentioned that you cannot figure out the atmosphere here on SM? 


CharmingDior said:


> EDIT:
> Are there trolls here that send nasty messages?


If you did receive it yourself, all I can say is that I am sorry, but contacting admin is the way to go with it. Admin can know the full two side story (yes, they can get access to PMs in case of trouble or someone trying to stir up trouble, so I suggest you contact Yung now. He is the one who can get the full picture - not anyone of us). I can't imagine a member doing it out of a blue / threating and all, but if that's what you say happened, contact Yung. No worries, he can see it all once you do.


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## Katkoota

KAG said:


> Threads that appear to be started for the purpose of creating drama or mischief on the forum will be removed and the member starting such a thread and those whose posts fuel the drama or mischief will be subject to being warned, suspended or banned. *This includes "good-bye" posts stating you are leaving SM or are thinking about leaving SM. Also included are posts stating that another member has left or is thinking about leaving and posts asking where certain members have gone.*





thelordsbeauty said:


> I think the last 2 posts were kinda harsh.


Last but not least, what Kerry (KAG) has posted above is one of SM's Rules created by SM admin (Yung), it was not created by Kerry or Pam, after a couple of thread incidents in the past. 

I do appreciate her bringing it up as a reminder. 

You can discuss the Rule with Yung if u like.


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## Katkoota

Snowbody said:


> never stop to the low that someone tries to goad you into. It's better to rise above it all and ignore it. JMHO


In case I forgot to mention another reason why I also love SM is because I continue learning tones of new quotes from awesome people like Sue and many others!!!  

I am done with this thread! 

hugs
Kat


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## Orla

CharmingDior said:


> I really do not know what to tell you besides I have no reason to lie. You can reread any thread or post written by me and tell me what You may think. Perhaps, it was the trial... I really DK. I have tried to think of it myself and that is the closet I have come. Perhaps, the member is not as popular as I may have thought...they haven't responded to this thread but I have not been able to go through every page. They frequent this forum quite a bit (almost daily) and they also have thousands of posts, they also have many friends and plenty of turn out when posting a new thread. (I assume this is part of what makes one popular.) I am not going to post a name to prevent unnecessary drama...do not want to turn this into a witch hunt, LOL...but I really do not have any reason to stir any pot, esp. if I just want to make friends and not enemies.
> 
> By my definition a popular member has...are they your friend...IDK? The person is on my ignore list and I plan to keep it that way.:blush:


I hope this person had very good reason to send you a nasty pm - I just can't imagine one of my friends here doing such a horrible thing 

I agree with everyone else, report the pm to Yung and he will sort it out.


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## The A Team

thelordsbeauty said:


> And it also seems that this has happened before. http://spoiledmaltese.com/forum/49-anything-goes/106117-i-know-im-opening-can-worms.html
> 
> But anywhoo. Now we will REALLY see how clique-ish this place is, if all of a sudden I'm being ignored....lol. We'll see.


 
Bringing up controversial topics wouldn't make me ignore you at all, I usually don't get involved in them. ....well unless someone I know gets unfairly (in my opinion) treated. 

Personally I'm just here for lighthearted fun. ...and to ask occassional health questions. 

To tell you the truth, if I were new and people treated me harshly, I'd probably be scared off. I hope you have more guts than me, because...that'll go away and we'll be still here for the fun stuff. 

ok, I'm done with my soap box. See ya on other threads. :thumbsup:


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## bailey02

*I think Yung should just close this thread. I feel we are all intitled to our opinions but I think this thread is just going around in circles. I think we have all expressed how we feel about Brooke and her babies. We want you to stay and be part of the SM family and give SM a chance. For other newbies please dont let this thread scare you away. Yes it takes time to get to know everyone on here. I mean I have been on Sm for over a year and a half now and I still dont know everyone.*


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## CrystalAndZoe

bellaratamaltese said:


> I really am saddened to hear that you've been sent bullying type pms
> 
> I will say one thing - if not for this forum, I would not be where I am at right now in the show world. When I joined, I was a clueless, novice pet owner who wouldn't have recognized breeder red flags if they slapped me in the face. I had some bumps along the way in my 'learning process' but I have also have some amazing friends because of SM. The support this forum has given my daughter is incredible and means sooo much to both of us.
> 
> So I could have let those bumps along the way steer me away but I'm glad I didn't! And I hope you will be able to come to Orlando, would love to meet you. I know you had expressed an interest in showing (on the other forum, I think) and I'd be happy to give you an introduction. :aktion033:


I'm really glad Stacy that you say you know her from another forum because honestly I was beginning to suspect she was truly not a genuine poster but someone to simply stir up trouble. Some of the words and phrases that were used ... and even mentioning that she only got back on because she heard about this thread from someone on another forum is what got me suspicious.

Brooke, you are VERY new to this forum and I'm suspecting forums in general. It takes time. That's it in a nutshell. However you may want to rethink how someone who has only been here for 2 months may come across to people who have been here for longer then a year in some of your last posts in this thread. Your heart and intentions may be in the right place, but you may want to rethink about how you are going about making friends and changes here or on any forum. Also, you can't possibly know who are the 'popular people' here from only being here for 2 months. I can't say there are actually certain popular people because different people like different things in other people. Some may seem popular to one group of people but not so much by another. I don't think looking to see how many 'friends' one has is an accurate way to determine a popular person either. I've yet to figure out the benefits of the 'friend' feature here. I always accept a friend request because I don't want to appear rude or cause an offense. Heck I'm always open to new friends. But I've never seen a purpose for this feature. And some threads may have more replies simply due to the subject matter. I've had some threads with tons of replies and others with only a few. Same person...me...different subject matter. But not an accurate way to base an opinion on who is and isn't popular. You simply can't know this after such a short period of time here. 

I'm also concerned that you are basing your accusations on what some people have shared with you only via PM. Perhaps it wise to look at how many people have contacted you via PM saying the negative stuff and how many people have posted openly on this thread saying positive stuff. If the #'s are overwhelmingly in favor of one opinion over another, then it might be a wise thing to look into why the smaller group feels this way. Perhaps they themselves are ones who simply like to stir up trouble. Perhaps they have a differing opinion then some others and they could not get the others to change their mind about it and that's why they feel this way. I've seen this a lot here. There are some people that feel if they can't get someone to change their mind on something, then they are being attacked. But people can have differing opinions on things and still like and care about each other.



thelordsbeauty said:


> And it also seems that this has happened before. http://spoiledmaltese.com/forum/49-anything-goes/106117-i-know-im-opening-can-worms.html
> 
> But anywhoo. Now we will REALLY see how clique-ish this place is, if all of a sudden I'm being ignored....lol. We'll see.


Ok I'm confused. You were being ignored for 17 minutes between your last 2 posts in this thread? Or are you referring to something else that has taken place over the past several days? If it was over that 17 minute time span, perhaps it had more to do with the time you were posting. That late at night, there aren't as many posters typically.



bailey02 said:


> *I think Yung should just close this thread. I feel we are all intitled to our opinions but I think this thread is just going around in circles. I think we have all expressed how we feel about Brooke and her babies. We want you to stay and be part of the SM family and give SM a chance. For other newbies please dont let this thread scare you away. Yes it takes time to get to know everyone on here. I mean I have been on Sm for over a year and a half now and I still dont know everyone.*


My point exactly. It took me well over a year to figure out who was who and who I clicked with and who were the ones that I personally would go to for advice, because time had proven they were consistently the same and consistently were correct on various issues such as health, training, etc... Just because someone posts here on a regular basis does not mean they are who they say they are.


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## aprilb

I can't think of anyone I know on SM who would PM "nasty comments." I send and receive lots of PMs, and this has never happened to me. There are a few people on SM that I avoid because our personalities "clash". Occasionally, there are some heated discussions. Some folks enjoy a lively debate, and some don't. No one has ever been nasty to me, though. :thumbsup:


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## almitra

Well, if you didn't before, I believe you have a _clear and concise_ answer to your original question now, don't you Brooke? ((shaking head cuz this post was taking such a positive upswing a couple days ago.....how disappointing to see it plummet once again)). See everyone around on other threads. Hang in there girlfriend Brooke.


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## CharmingDior

KAG said:


> Not sure how you expect to win friends with this post. Anything pm'd to you which you found inappropriate should have been reported to the Admin. Period. Also, for your edification:
> Threads that appear to be started for the purpose of creating drama or mischief on the forum will be removed and the member starting such a thread and those whose posts fuel the drama or mischief will be subject to being warned, suspended or banned. *This includes "good-bye" posts stating you are leaving SM or are thinking about leaving SM. Also included are posts stating that another member has left or is thinking about leaving and posts asking where certain members have gone.* __________________
> 
> I think this thread is finished and should be closed.
> xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxo


where is the drama? because I do not see any? they only "mentioning" of drama is those who deliberately come on the thread and post it. If I am suspended or banned for someone else's mischief so be it.


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## MaryH

If a PM is nasty take it to Yung. No one should be sending "nastigrams". I have a different opinion than lots of people about the use of Private Messages. I don't use the function as a means to express an opinion, or try to press home my point; I do that openly for all to see. I use the PM function when I want to say hello to a friend, make plans to meet, etc. If someone contacts me to inquire about puppies or to discuss a truly personal matter I give them my email address and ask that we take it off SM. I've gotten less than a handful of PMs over the years from people chastising me for a post and trying to press home "their side." I read, respond if called for, and move on. It's easier said than done, and we all have different personalities, but when participating on a public forum one needs a bit of a thick skin at times.


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## CharmingDior

thelordsbeauty said:


> Ok, new to the thread. I think the last 2 posts were kinda harsh. Yes, i know i'm new to sm, but omgosh, Brooke is obviously feeling left out, hurt, and is reaching out and for some people to just ignore that and say "I don't know how you expect to make friends with this post" -sorry i don't know how to quote yet, is just dumb and sounds so high school. I hope that when you are in need of a friend, someone would reach out to you, as you failed to reach out to Brooke.
> 
> Brooke- I may be new to sm, and new to forums completely, but if i ever made you feel unwelcome or ignored, I'm sorry.


Sweetie, you have not done anything to make me feel unwelcomed. I really appreciate you taking the time to post in this thread and I do apologize for it turning so wrong with since I have come back to answer. I appreciate the kind words of support and encouragement and I pray that your stay here at SM will be filled with the same! 
:wub::wub::wub::wub::wub::thumbsup::wub::wub::wub:


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## thelordsbeauty

I was talking about, in the future. If i would start being ignored because I sided with Brooke.


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## edelweiss

Simply for clarification: the drama here refers to your violation of the rule from Administration not to threaten to leave (cancel membership). This is explicitly forbidden. KAG was not stating her opinion---it is a standing rule. Maybe it is one you were unaware of & KAG was simply, in a nice way, making you aware. I know I did not read the rules when I came on & inadvertently broke a few---I am sure! 
I hope this helps you to understand better!


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## CharmingDior

The A Team said:


> Bringing up controversial topics wouldn't make me ignore you at all, I usually don't get involved in them. ....well unless someone I know gets unfairly (in my opinion) treated.
> 
> Personally I'm just here for lighthearted fun. ...and to ask occassional health questions.
> 
> To tell you the truth, if I were new and people treated me harshly, I'd probably be scared off. I hope you have more guts than me, because...that'll go away and we'll be still here for the fun stuff.
> 
> ok, I'm done with my soap box. See ya on other threads. :thumbsup:


I agree and thank you for standing on your soap box!


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## bailey02

thelordsbeauty said:


> I was talking about, in the future. If i would start being ignored because I sided with Brooke.


 
*There are no sides in my opinion. We should all beable to hash out our differences and just get along. We are all on this forum for one thing thats OUR LITTLE FLUFF BABIES:thumbsup:*


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## CrystalAndZoe

thelordsbeauty said:


> I was talking about, in the future. If i would start being ignored because I sided with Brooke.


Gotcha! I wasn't sure what you meant. Thanks for the clarification. :thumbsup:

And honestly...I don't see that there are sides here. I think it just takes time to truly get to know a group of people and figure out who is who.


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## CharmingDior

*ATTENTION LADIES and GENTS:*

I decided late last night (after talking to a new dear friend on SM) to close the thread but was not sure if Admin had hours or not. (We all need sleep and family time, LOL) 

This decision has nothing to do with anyone else's suggestion of doing so but my own...

I wanted to go through all the pages and give thanks to those members who took the time to post words of encouragement. I do have an energetic puppy so I would get quite sidetracked when my fluffbutt would come barking at me and the laptop. (He is a character!) Since I am asking for this thread to be closed I will *try* to write on members wall to thank them. I do not want to risk any more drama coming out in an innocent thread. I am did not threaten anyone with leaving SM by stating I find myself wondering whether or not I should cancel my membership. It is a statement (that was probably better left unsaid) not a threat.

To those who stopped by without casting judgement on myself or anyone else...I do appreciate your posts. I am sure for others who may stumble onto this thread they will be clear concise phrases of love and support that represents SM as a whole. 

Whether or not you agree with thread, the posters, or anything in between...I appreciate you taking the time and stopping by!


I agree with those members who have said this place is to have fun and chime in with helpful and encouraging words. All else I will not participate in... Let's not assume that we can figure someone out with a few posts on a thread...until you get to know all other newbies and long-standing members alike, please be slow to judge. 

I am not drama and do not intend to participate in any drama throughout my life. I have too many personal issues to waste valuable time with stuff that is not pleasing to myself and especially God. So if I have offended anyone in any shape or form...I am truly apologetic. My intentions were not to press any buttons. Forgive me for I meant no harm.

Wishing you, your family & friends, and fluffs MANY BLESSINGS your way!:chili:

Brooke:wub:


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