# Received check from dog walker



## CorkieYorkie (Apr 10, 2012)

In case anyone was still wondering, I found a check in my mailbox, no note or anything, from the dog walker that let Lisa escape and ultimately caused her death. I guess Lisa's life was only worth $500 to her.

Today marks 4 weeks since we received the call that she was found dead. It still doesn't feel real... I have accepted it, but in my heart, I still keep holding out hope that she is somehow still out there... Or that she is coming back. The realization that she isn't is the heartbreaking part.

It's been a hard day, besides Lisa, I found out that my father is having a biopsy done on his liver and my husband's grandmother had a stroke this morning. Please pray for our sanity. Thus is getting to be too much for us to bear.


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## wkomorow (Aug 26, 2011)

Oh Courtney, sorry you are being piled on with stress. How is Ozzie dealing with it now, has his stress levels come down.


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## jane and addison (Nov 1, 2012)

I have heard that God only gives you what you can handle. In your case I hope its true. Thinking about you.


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## CorkieYorkie (Apr 10, 2012)

At this point, if there is a God, I don't think he likes us very much right now...


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## Bonnie's Mommie (Mar 2, 2006)

Who knows, only she, how she feels. To me, a $500 check would be a kick in the gut. But, from her, maybe she is trying to show how bad she feels in the only way she knows how. 

Maybe sometimes I try too hard to see things from all sides. I still ache for you, Courtney.


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## The A Team (Dec 1, 2005)

I'm so sorry you are having to go through so much heartache. 

Wish there was something I could do to help.


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## mdbflorida (Feb 28, 2013)

i am so sorry for the chain of events and all of the heart aches you are going through.


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## maggieh (Dec 16, 2007)

Courtney, I'm sorry to hear about your dad and Sean's grandmother. Praying for healing for them and peace for you and Sean.


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## MalteseObsessed (Mar 7, 2010)

Courtney ~~ sending hugs and prayers. Very very sorry about your loss. Praying for all whom you love in your family right now as well. Hugs...


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

Courtney - I'm so sorry. :huh: What a terribly rough period you and Sean are going through. Bad things seem to happen this way...in multiples. And then finally you come out of that period and can start to see the light. Praying for you father and Sean's grandmother and for the two of you. :grouphug: Lisa is still there with you, in your hearts. :wub:


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## sherry (Jan 4, 2013)

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:Bless your heart Courtney. Sometimes life is so overwhelming and seems hard to put one foot in front of the other and carry on. But that is what you have to do, and one day you will walk through this hard time and the sun will be shining again. I know this because I have done it. One day at a time.


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## IzzysBellasMom (Jan 16, 2013)

Hugs to you and Sean and Ozzie. I believe there is a God and although it may not feel like it right now. He is watching over you and will only give you what you can handle.


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## sdubose (Feb 21, 2012)

Courtney, So sorry to hear this. I am praying for you.


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## CorkieYorkie (Apr 10, 2012)

Thank you everyone... sorry about the negativity... sometimes I think I should keep these negative thoughts to myself...

Sean's grandma seems to be doing okay. We are trying to hang in there...


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

Bonnie's Mommie said:


> Who knows, only she, how she feels. To me, a $500 check would be a kick in the gut. But, from her, maybe she is trying to show how bad she feels in the only way she knows how.
> 
> Maybe sometimes I try too hard to see things from all sides. I still ache for you, Courtney.


It might not have been such a kick in the gut if she put some sort of note, an apology, sympathy, anything...
My heart hurts to see this...


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## Lou's Mom (Apr 8, 2014)

I'm so sorry. I agree with Michelle, a note to tell you how sorry she was that it happened under her care would have been appropriate. She may not have had more cash to send but an apology and a sincere note of regret would have helped.


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## pammy4501 (Aug 8, 2007)

CorkieYorkie said:


> In case anyone was still wondering, I found a check in my mailbox, no note or anything, from the dog walker that let Lisa escape and ultimately caused her death. I guess Lisa's life was only worth $500 to her.
> 
> Today marks 4 weeks since we received the call that she was found dead. It still doesn't feel real... I have accepted it, but in my heart, I still keep holding out hope that she is somehow still out there... Or that she is coming back. The realization that she isn't is the heartbreaking part.
> 
> It's been a hard day, besides Lisa, I found out that my father is having a biopsy done on his liver and my husband's grandmother had a stroke this morning. Please pray for our sanity. Thus is getting to be too much for us to bear.


Oh Courtney, I can feel the pain you are still carrying. Sometimes when something terrible happens at someone elses hands, the story we build in ourselves is so horrible that it is hard to stop and be able to forgive. I know that this dog sitter was responsible for the loss of your beloved Lisa, and now Lisa is gone. 

I have worked with people on both sides of tragedy. The victims and the one who have caused the pain. Often the ones who were responsibe feel such shame and guilt it is overwhelming for them. And there is no outpouring of sympathy for these people. I know it can't excuse what happened, but please try to understand that the check is her way of trying to reach out to you and make ammends for this terrible occurance. I don't know anything about her at all. But to you $500 seems almost an insult. Lisa was worth much more then that. But what if $500 was all this person could give, and she gave it to you. That would make this offering mean so much more. I think she is struggling too. Sometimes forgiveness and acceptance are the first steps to healing.


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## Alexa (Aug 6, 2009)

Oh Courtney, I'm so sorry life treats you so hard at this moment. Sending positive thoughts and lots of health wishes to your dad and Sean's grandmother for a quick recovery.

It must hurt you so badly that the dogwalker only send a check without any note of apology or healing words for you. That's another engraving into your heart. 

And please don't excuse your negative thoughts! We all can really well understand and know the pain and grief you're going through. 
As you said it's week 4 after Lisa has passed now and dealing with the reality is so sad and hard. 

Sending hugs and healing wishes to you and your family. :hugging:

Alexandra


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## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

pammy4501 said:


> Oh Courtney, I can feel the pain you are still carrying. Sometimes when something terrible happens at someone elses hands, the story we build in ourselves is so horrible that it is hard to stop and be able to forgive. I know that this dog sitter was responsible for the loss of your beloved Lisa, and now Lisa is gone.
> 
> I have worked with people on both sides of tragedy. The victims and the one who have caused the pain. Often the ones who were responsibe feel such shame and guilt it is overwhelming for them. And there is no outpouring of sympathy for these people. I know it can't excuse what happened, but please try to understand that the check is her way of trying to reach out to you and make ammends for this terrible occurance. I don't know anything about her at all. But to you $500 seems almost an insult. Lisa was worth much more then that. But what if $500 was all this person could give, and she gave it to you. That would make this offering mean so much more. I think she is struggling too. Sometimes forgiveness and acceptance are the first steps to healing.


:thumbsup:

Pam you said the words out of my mouth, I shared before about my Annie, the person who ran over her never admitted, they sent a card. We were insulted and hurt that they couldn't admit to us what they had done. Looking back now I realize they were afraid, they didn't know how to tell us. I wish back than I would have had someone like Pam, it would have helped me to understand more. I am so happy Sean's grandma is doing better, I'll pray for your dad


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## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

Courtney -- my heart breaks for you & all the pain you're going through. Your SM friends are here for you, so please feel free to vent your feelings with us. We all love you and feel your pain.

Sending healing prayers for you and your family.


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## CloudClan (Jan 31, 2007)

pammy4501 said:


> Oh Courtney, I can feel the pain you are still carrying. Sometimes when something terrible happens at someone elses hands, the story we build in ourselves is so horrible that it is hard to stop and be able to forgive. I know that this dog sitter was responsible for the loss of your beloved Lisa, and now Lisa is gone.
> 
> I have worked with people on both sides of tragedy. The victims and the one who have caused the pain. Often the ones who were responsibe feel such shame and guilt it is overwhelming for them. And there is no outpouring of sympathy for these people. I know it can't excuse what happened, but please try to understand that the check is her way of trying to reach out to you and make ammends for this terrible occurance. I don't know anything about her at all. But to you $500 seems almost an insult. Lisa was worth much more then that. But what if $500 was all this person could give, and she gave it to you. That would make this offering mean so much more. I think she is struggling too. Sometimes forgiveness and acceptance are the first steps to healing.


:goodpost: 

I understand where a $500 check and no note feels like a slap in the face of your anger at her negligence. 

This woman's job was to take care of your beautiful girl and she failed, and your anger is natural because there is no way that could compare to the enormity of your loss. I do not know if for her this was a way to absolve her guilt or a simple gesture of trying to expose her guilt. 

I don't know if you had thought what you might wish to do with that check, though I am sure you may find it very hard to cash it, but you could put it toward a fund in Lisa's name for the rescue she came from or for the one the woman who found her works with. It might actually help save another precious life and then, no matter what the dollar amount, it would be priceless.


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## Trisha (Aug 8, 2014)

I so agree with everything *Pammy 4501* wrote to you, Courtney. I know it's a very difficult time for you with your great loss, but I do think the "dog walker person" is feeling pain too for her actions or inactions. I do agree with the comment too, that perhaps that is all she could offer you monetarily. That might have been a lot of money to her. Certainly, there is no amount of money that would bring Lisa back or suffice for what she meant to you, but at least that person made some type of gesture to offer to you. Some people wouldn't have done that.
And as another poster suggested, if the money is not something you want to accept, then perhaps you could offer it to a rescue in Lisa's name.
I am so very sorry that you are still suffering and very sorry to hear about the other issues going on in your life at this time. I wish for you better days with more peace. I know you will always miss Lisa and that's OK. She was loved very much and you were a good Mommy. She will always be in your heart!


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## pammy4501 (Aug 8, 2007)

CloudClan said:


> :goodpost:
> 
> I understand where a $500 check and no note feels like a slap in the face of your anger at her negligence.
> 
> ...


I agree with Carina here too! Take that check and turn it into something positive in Lisa's name. I lost a dog to GME, and I was actually pretty mad that this had happened to my dog, and I wanted to blame someone or something. But after a bit that feeling was very burdensome. I decided to do fund raising for GME research in Lola's name. I will tell you first hand that was the most wonderful thing I could have ever done. One little dog, and such a big impact. It gave her life new meaning for me. 

And for your own sake, I know this isn't easy, but you should consider making contact with the dog sitter. I know it's really hard to think of speaking to her about what happened. But sometimes hard conversations lead to everyone being in a better place. I would bet she is afraid to contact you directly. Think about it.

**one last thought. Please (for your own sake) try to stop swelling on the way she died. Death is rarely pretty. But it is a fact of life as great as birth. Only you can choose how to keep her memory in your heart. And keeping these thoughts present will detract from the happiness of Lisa's spirit. Let her little light burn bright for you**


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## Chardy (Oct 30, 2008)

I have read all of your heart felt posts on SM and FB and each time I read I say a prayer for you that you can heal and find forgiveness in your heart so you can heal. Both Pam and Carina's posts really were well thought out and worded perfectly. In hope you can find closure and forgive. Sometimes we have no choice but to let go and let God. Many blessings to you.


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## pippersmom (May 21, 2012)

Courtney I am so sorry for everything you've been going through.


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## MalteseJane (Nov 21, 2004)

pammy4501 said:


> Oh Courtney, I can feel the pain you are still carrying. Sometimes when something terrible happens at someone elses hands, the story we build in ourselves is so horrible that it is hard to stop and be able to forgive. I know that this dog sitter was responsible for the loss of your beloved Lisa, and now Lisa is gone.
> 
> I have worked with people on both sides of tragedy. The victims and the one who have caused the pain. Often the ones who were responsibe feel such shame and guilt it is overwhelming for them. And there is no outpouring of sympathy for these people. I know it can't excuse what happened, but please try to understand that the check is her way of trying to reach out to you and make ammends for this terrible occurance. I don't know anything about her at all. But to you $500 seems almost an insult. Lisa was worth much more then that. But what if $500 was all this person could give, and she gave it to you. That would make this offering mean so much more. I think she is struggling too. *Sometimes forgiveness and acceptance are the first steps to healing.*





pammy4501 said:


> I agree with Carina here too! Take that check and turn it into something positive in Lisa's name. I lost a dog to GME, and I was actually pretty mad that this had happened to my dog, and I wanted to blame someone or something. But after a bit that feeling was very burdensome. I decided to do fund raising for GME research in Lola's name. I will tell you first hand that was the most wonderful thing I could have ever done. One little dog, and such a big impact. It gave her life new meaning for me.
> 
> And for your own sake, I know this isn't easy, but you should consider making contact with the dog sitter. I know it's really hard to think of speaking to her about what happened. But sometimes hard conversations lead to everyone being in a better place. I would bet she is afraid to contact you directly. Think about it.
> 
> **one last thought. Please (for your own sake) try to stop swelling on the way she died. Death is rarely pretty. But it is a fact of life as great as birth. Only you can choose how to keep her memory in your heart. And keeping these thoughts present will detract from the happiness of Lisa's spirit. Let her little light burn bright for you**





Chardy said:


> I have read all of your heart felt posts on SM and FB and each time I read I say a prayer for you that you can heal and find forgiveness in your heart so you can heal. Both Pam and Carina's posts really were well thought out and worded perfectly. * In hope you can find closure and forgive.* Sometimes we have no choice but to let go and let God. Many blessings to you.


No amount of money will replace Lisa. I didn't know how to express my feelings but Pammy said very well what I wanted to tell you and did not know how. You will find peace with forgiveness. There are lessons to be learned in our lifetime and forgiveness is one of them.


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## Maglily (Feb 3, 2009)

I'm so sorry for all this heartache Courtney.


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## Kathleen (Aug 4, 2011)

Sending good thoughts Courtney. for strength and peace.
It stinks that life can be so hard sometimes.


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

CorkieYorkie said:


> Thank you everyone... sorry about the negativity... sometimes I think I should keep these negative thoughts to myself...
> 
> Sean's grandma seems to be doing okay. We are trying to hang in there...


Courtney, you do not need to be sorry for expressing your feelings. Being sad, frightened, angry is not negative, it is realistic in the situation. I know people who never want to hear about my troubles...something that they might label as "negative." With those people I am never honest, I practice the same ridiculously disingenuous pretenses of blind optimism, but I am not blind. I think that most of us can lend a shoulder to lean on, hand you a tissue if you need it, and never accuse you of being negative, for having feelings that you recognize.

I often tell myself that this is planet earth, not Heaven. It is hard. Sometimes it sucks. Quite often one (each and every one of us) is bombarded with troubles. Most of the time, we gain some modicum of wisdom through these hard times. Some wisdom which will serve us better as we get older and life gets even harder on one hand, but easier on the other hand.

I have had one or two deaths to get through every year since 2005. It has been difficult, but nothing compared to what I suffered when my mother died when I was 37....eventually loss is simply change.

You may have felt deeply insulted by the once trusted pet-sitter's check. Can you consider the fact that $500 was pretty major to her? She probably feels terribly guilty. Maybe her heart aches, not only for her responsibility for Lisa's death, but also just because Lisa is gone from her life too. I would venture to guess that $500 is a very substantial amount for a person who earns a living as a pet sitter. She is paying penance....maybe every cent she could come up with. Someday, when your heart isn't bleeding, you might think about how hard this is for her. After all, she was once someone you felt loved Lisa.

Don't push yourself. Feel free to scream and cry and curse. Let it out. Then when all the hurt is spewed out through you mouth, your pores, your breath...then healing can begin.:wub:


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## shellbeme (Mar 1, 2011)

Please do not apologize for feeling how you feel. The posts in this thread are just wonderful, we have a great group of really loving and compassionate people here.

Courtney I think of how I would feel in your shoes-if it were Tucker-and just thinking of it upsets me. I would not be ready to forgive and I would have the same thoughts you have shared with us. Please do not feel pushed-you need to go through what you're going through and if and when you are ready to forgive it will be in your own time. 

I agree with Sylvia 100% don't push yourself, let yourself be angry and hurt and have the thoughts you have. Also please don't feel put off by the responses in the thread and the talk of forgiveness-everyone here just wishes we could do or say something to take away your pain.  Unfortunately that is not possible, but we can be here as a sounding board when you need it.


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## CorkieYorkie (Apr 10, 2012)

shellbeme said:


> Please do not apologize for feeling how you feel. The posts in this thread are just wonderful, we have a great group of really loving and compassionate people here.
> 
> Courtney I think of how I would feel in your shoes-if it were Tucker-and just thinking of it upsets me. I would not be ready to forgive and I would have the same thoughts you have shared with us. Please do not feel pushed-you need to go through what you're going through and if and when you are ready to forgive it will be in your own time.
> 
> I agree with Sylvia 100% don't push yourself, let yourself be angry and hurt and have the thoughts you have. Also please don't feel put off by the responses in the thread and the talk of forgiveness-everyone here just wishes we could do or say something to take away your pain.  Unfortunately that is not possible, but we can be here as a sounding board when you need it.



Thank you for putting yourself in my shoes and being honest, Shelly.

I won't stop being angry for awhile... That's just how I am :-/

Thanks everyone, for the kind words & prayers.


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## Bailey&Me (Mar 8, 2010)

Courtney, I still don't have the right words...but just wanted to tell you that I think about you guys and Lisa often and I am so so sad and upset for you. As I have said before, if this had happened to me, I would feel the same way as you. So I can understand your pain and anger. Sending you hugs and continued prayers.


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## Fee (Oct 26, 2013)

I know how bad it can be when everything starts going downhill, I've been there a couple of years ago. The only way I knew how to deal with everything was by releasing anger and being upset and down most of the time. Eventually, time shows us what a great healer it truly is. 

I am sure little Lisa's spirit is always with you, hope your relatives feel better soon, keeping you in my thoughts :heart:


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

Courtney, I feel so bad for you and Sean ... and, Oliver, too. My prayers go out to you and Sean, your father, and Sean's grandmother. 

I still say prayers that you and Sean will find peace and comfort. Your angel Lisa knows how much you loved and cared for her. One day you will see her again ... in Heaven. In the meantime, she would want for you to be happy and remember her with only the fondest of memories.

Love and healing hugs for you and Sean.


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

CorkieYorkie said:


> At this point, if there is a God, I don't think he likes us very much right now...


I must admit that I have had my moments feeling that way. However, I know God loves me ... and, He loves you and Sean, too.


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

pammy4501 said:


> Oh Courtney, I can feel the pain you are still carrying. Sometimes when something terrible happens at someone elses hands, the story we build in ourselves is so horrible that it is hard to stop and be able to forgive. I know that this dog sitter was responsible for the loss of your beloved Lisa, and now Lisa is gone.
> 
> I have worked with people on both sides of tragedy. The victims and the one who have caused the pain. Often the ones who were responsibe feel such shame and guilt it is overwhelming for them. And there is no outpouring of sympathy for these people. I know it can't excuse what happened, but please try to understand that the check is her way of trying to reach out to you and make ammends for this terrible occurance. I don't know anything about her at all. But to you $500 seems almost an insult. Lisa was worth much more then that. But what if $500 was all this person could give, and she gave it to you. That would make this offering mean so much more. I think she is struggling too. Sometimes forgiveness and acceptance are the first steps to healing.





Matilda's mommy said:


> :thumbsup:
> 
> Pam you said the words out of my mouth, I shared before about my Annie, the person who ran over her never admitted, they sent a card. We were insulted and hurt that they couldn't admit to us what they had done. Looking back now I realize they were afraid, they didn't know how to tell us. I wish back than I would have had someone like Pam, it would have helped me to understand more. I am so happy Sean's grandma is doing better, I'll pray for your dad





CloudClan said:


> :goodpost:
> 
> I understand where a $500 check and no note feels like a slap in the face of your anger at her negligence.
> 
> ...





Trisha said:


> I so agree with everything *Pammy 4501* wrote to you, Courtney. I know it's a very difficult time for you with your great loss, but I do think the "dog walker person" is feeling pain too for her actions or inactions. I do agree with the comment too, that perhaps that is all she could offer you monetarily. That might have been a lot of money to her. Certainly, there is no amount of money that would bring Lisa back or suffice for what she meant to you, but at least that person made some type of gesture to offer to you. Some people wouldn't have done that.
> And as another poster suggested, if the money is not something you want to accept, then perhaps you could offer it to a rescue in Lisa's name.
> I am so very sorry that you are still suffering and very sorry to hear about the other issues going on in your life at this time. I wish for you better days with more peace. I know you will always miss Lisa and that's OK. She was loved very much and you were a good Mommy. She will always be in your heart!





pammy4501 said:


> I agree with Carina here too! Take that check and turn it into something positive in Lisa's name. I lost a dog to GME, and I was actually pretty mad that this had happened to my dog, and I wanted to blame someone or something. But after a bit that feeling was very burdensome. I decided to do fund raising for GME research in Lola's name. I will tell you first hand that was the most wonderful thing I could have ever done. One little dog, and such a big impact. It gave her life new meaning for me.
> 
> And for your own sake, I know this isn't easy, but you should consider making contact with the dog sitter. I know it's really hard to think of speaking to her about what happened. But sometimes hard conversations lead to everyone being in a better place. I would bet she is afraid to contact you directly. Think about it.
> 
> **one last thought. Please (for your own sake) try to stop swelling on the way she died. Death is rarely pretty. But it is a fact of life as great as birth. Only you can choose how to keep her memory in your heart. And keeping these thoughts present will detract from the happiness of Lisa's spirit. Let her little light burn bright for you**





Sylie said:


> Courtney, you do not need to be sorry for expressing your feelings. Being sad, frightened, angry is not negative, it is realistic in the situation. I know people who never want to hear about my troubles...something that they might label as "negative." With those people I am never honest, I practice the same ridiculously disingenuous pretenses of blind optimism, but I am not blind. I think that most of us can lend a shoulder to lean on, hand you a tissue if you need it, and never accuse you of being negative, for having feelings that you recognize.
> 
> I often tell myself that this is planet earth, not Heaven. It is hard. Sometimes it sucks. Quite often one (each and every one of us) is bombarded with troubles. Most of the time, we gain some modicum of wisdom through these hard times. Some wisdom which will serve us better as we get older and life gets even harder on one hand, but easier on the other hand.
> 
> ...


All of these posts are so loving and supportive ... and, have also included my same thoughts in regard to the pet sitter.

Courtney, I totally understand your pain and anger. I am sure I would have reacted in the same way.

In regard to the pet sitter ... I can't help but feel that this has been heavy on her mind ... and, that she feels terrible and sad over what has happened with your beloved Lisa.

It is a month later ... and you received a $500 check from her. Yes, Lisa was worth more than $500 ...she was priceless. I feel as others here, that $500 to a pet sitter is a substantial amount of money. I can understand why it might have been difficult for her to leave a note ... I imagine she is truly at a loss for words. 

One last thought about the pet sitter ... when you shared with us what happened to Lisa, you mentioned the pet sitter's husband. It sounds as though he was the one who left the gate open. Yes, it doesn't take away from the pet sitter taking 100% responsibility for what happened to your beloved Lisa. Let's just say that if I intrusted my husband to watch over Snowball ... or, any dog that was in his care ... and, something, God forbid happened to the dog, due to carelessness, than I would find it hard to forgive him. 

Please understand that I am only sharing my thoughts with only hoping it can help you understand at some point that the pet sitter is probably more upset, depressed, and heartbroken over the loss over your angel Lisa, more than you realize. I would rather know in the end that the sitter cared ... instead of not caring at all. I hope that after all the anger subsides that you can sit down and talk with her.


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## CorkieYorkie (Apr 10, 2012)

I am almost positive that I will never speak to her again. Really, what is there to say? "I trusted you to care for my dog and you let her escape and die and ruined our lives" ? I am serious, what am I supposed to say to this woman? What is there to say?

Yes, it was her husband was out in the yard "watching" them, which makes me even angrier about the whole thing. She is the owner of her own pet-sitting company.. she should have been watching them, not her old, senile husband. 

But like I have said before, I also blame myself for not taking Maggie's advice and INSISTING that she come to my house; I should have NEVER left them there knowing that stupid, old man would be watching them part of the time, and with a see-through fence in the backyard that we obviously did not inspect thoroughly enough. I will also never forgive myself for this. 

I understand what you all are saying, but knowing she cares enough to shell out $500 does not really make me feel much better. It doesn't change anything, my dog is still dead, despite how bad and guilty she feels. I am fully aware that $500 is probably a lot to her, but I am so sorry that I really could care less about her financial situation right now. 

In fact, my initial reaction after getting over the shock and gut-wrenching part was to sue her for everything I could to shut down her business, because I don't think she should keep her job after this. Lisa was worth substantially more to me than $500 was worth to her, believe me. 

She has a house, 2 or 3 cars, and at least 2 motorcycles plus a husband who works, I am pretty sure $500 isn't breaking the bank. If it were me, I would have given more *especially* if I couldn't afford it because of the emotional pain and suffering that I caused. The guilt would have driven me to go broke, but that is me, not her.

Maybe I am just an extremely angry and resentful person, but I have a difficult time believe all of you talking to me about "forgiveness" would be so willing to forgive if this happened to your dog, if you got a phone call saying your dog was found dead on the side of the road. I am just saying, it is really easy to say what you all are saying, but it is quite another when your dog is the one that is killed.

I don't know, I get the feeling you all are sick of listening to my anger and grief about this whole thing. That I am bringing you down and that you all are convinced that things will be better if I "forgive". I thought you of all people would understand how I am feeling, but either I am just an incredibly angry, bitter, heartless person, or none of you really understand how this feels. 

I guess everyone reacts to tragedy differently. I always need to find a purpose and explanation and someone or something to blame to make sense of it all. Logically, I explain this whole tragedy like this: I screwed up by ignoring my gut and trusting an idiot to care for my dog. That's how I feel, at least. 

I don't know, all of these responses make me feel that I am not justified to feel how I am feeling, and that I am not justified in blaming the dog walker. That is fine, but everyone's reactions here just make me wonder if I should talk about anymore. Sorry, I hope I am not offending anyone, I am not mad, just being honest...


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## bellaratamaltese (May 24, 2006)

CorkieYorkie said:


> I am almost positive that I will never speak to her again. Really, what is there to say? "I trusted you to care for my dog and you let her escape and die and ruined our lives" ? I am serious, what am I supposed to say to this woman? What is there to say?
> 
> Yes, it was her husband was out in the yard "watching" them, which makes me even angrier about the whole thing. She is the owner of her own pet-sitting company.. she should have been watching them, not her old, senile husband.
> 
> ...



Accidents happen, plain and simple. Could it have been avoided? Absolutely. You are obviously still very angry and traumatized about this but the whole tone of this response makes me sad. 

I have never lost a dog like you did but I have had a 9 week old puppy die while in my husband's care (he missed a hypoglycemic episode and I came home to find the puppy deceased) I was sooo angry about it and sad but I had to realize that it was ultimately my fault for leaving the puppy because I know a hypoglycemic episode would not have been missed by me. It's a tragic feeling, anyway it happens. A lesson was learned the hard way - I don't leave puppies home now if I am going to be gone for more than a day or two. 

I hope you can find some closure here. *hugs*


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

Courtney - I just read your last post. I don't think people are trying to diminish how you are feeling or what you are saying. I think the issue here is that so many of us just don't know what to say. I know I didn't and am not even sure if I posted here. We can't really make it better or bring back Lisa. We don't know what to do to help you feel better. We're trying to be supportive and trying to figure out some ways that our life's lessons have helped us cope. We aren't sick of hearing your grief, we aren't trying to defend the actions of the pet sitter. We are just trying to figure out how you can go on from here and maybe release some of the guilt you're feeling that will not let you get past this. 

I lost my father when I was 6, my mother when I was 47. She was my only parent nearly all my life and my best friend and role model. I left my mom in the ER 15 years ago after spending hours there at 3am because I just couldn't do anything and she was uncomfortable and I had to get away from it for a few hours. I came back at 7am and found her unresponsive and it ended up she had a heart attack and no one noticed. If I was there I would have known, would have gotten their attention to help her but instead I left her in the middle of the night. She ended up dying that day. I blamed myself for months and months and couldn't get past it. Maybe I really couldn't have done anything but I carried the guilt around like an albatross. I know my mom would have been furious at me as she always thought I was the best daughter any mother ever had. It took me time to realize that some things are out of our hands and just happen no matter what we do.

If you are angry enough that you want to sue her then you have to do what you feel may give you closure or help others whose dogs may be in danger. But I also feel that often when people get into legal disputes that it ends up causing more angst. Maybe a letter to her stating how you feel will let you get it out to her and she will make sure nothing like this could ever happen again. I just don't know.

Courtney, I hope that you will understand that we are all posting because we care about you, not that we're judging you or trying to negate what you're feeling. If it happened to any of our dogs we would be devastated and each of us has no idea what we would do. :grouphug:


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## pammy4501 (Aug 8, 2007)

CorkieYorkie said:


> I am almost positive that I will never speak to her again. Really, what is there to say? "I trusted you to care for my dog and you let her escape and die and ruined our lives" ? I am serious, what am I supposed to say to this woman? What is there to say?
> 
> Yes, it was her husband was out in the yard "watching" them, which makes me even angrier about the whole thing. She is the owner of her own pet-sitting company.. she should have been watching them, not her old, senile husband.
> 
> ...


Wow.....this just feels over the top to me. Sorry for urging forgiveness as an avenue to finding peace and acceptance. This just sounds wrathful and bitter. Bitterness happens when you feel someone has taken something that you are powerless to get back. You hold on to the hurt in an attempt to remind yourself and others of the injustice you've experienced. Unfortunately, bitterness only makes the sense of the injustice grow. It does nothing to heal the wound caused by the injustice. In fact, it makes the wound to become worse. Bitterness will poison *your* life robbing *you* of all joy. 

Forgiveness does not mean pretending everything is “OK.” It doesn’t mean forgetting the hurt either. Forgiveness is the gift we give ourselves that enables us to start making a plan for healing. If you find that there really is nothing you can do to reclaim what was lost or taken from you, focus your energy on developing a plan to regain happiness in the future.


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## eiksaa (Jun 8, 2012)

Courtney, I hear you. I wouldn't have been able to forgive this person either. But we have to come up with some sort of coping mechanism so the anger doesn't kill us slowly. 

Take solace in the fact that the dog sitter definitely knows how badly she messed up. I'm sure she's regretting it, as she should. Hopefully this will mean she will never ever ever make even the smallest mistake. 

I would also not talk to the dog sitter again. Although I think it's sound advice for most people, I'm not the kind of person who would be helped by having a conversation with them. 

That being said, try and let go of the anger. It's harming no one but you at this moment and only blocking happy memories of Lisa. Easier said than done, I agree. But I urge you to take steps in that direction. If forgiving those people and talking to them is not you, then find some other way, it's done; try and block out the memory. Or some other way to move further along in the grieving process. I also second the idea of supporting a rescue etc with that $500 if you don't want to keep the money.


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## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

Courtney you know my story, my Annie was and still is our baby girl, my husband and I can't hardly talk about what happened to her without crying and it's been since 2005, first I had to forgive myself, that took what seemed like forever, and I will ALWAYS, see her little face in my head that day, wanting to go with me, but all the deep hurt and anger I have felt never once changed that awful day, I still can't change things, I actually hated myself and the guy who ran over my Annie, for me it wasn't just that she had been ran over by a tractor but like you I wondered if she suffered, if she was scared and wondered where her mommy was, but it hurt me even more thinking that guy would lay her in a sleeping position, right in front of my RV, but yet he couldn't even leave a note, or call or even go to the house to let someone know what he had done, I hated , oh yes my hubby hated, he even took his gun out and shot it in the air many times out of anger, did all that bring my Annie back? No, 
I just couldn't stand the deep hurt and hate I felt, it was changing who I was, I would either live being so unhappy all my life or I would forgive the guy.
It wasn't easy, for me it was soul searching and prayer, that brought me peace, the hurt is to deep right now, scream if you need to, cry until you have no more tears, but honey however you chose you need to find the happiness you once had and the joy, it will come back if you decide that's what you long for.

I care about you Courtney I want to remember your little Lisa Left Eye as she was in your wedding pictures, all of you were so happy, don't let someone's ignorance ruin your memories. 
You can be mad at me if you please, that's ok, I still care about you, Sean and little Ollie and I will continue my prayers for your little family.


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## Lou's Mom (Apr 8, 2014)

Courtney - I totally understand and I would be just as angry and pissed as you. I don't think anyone is disagreeing with you. We all would be devastated - I think there are just some people who are able to forgive easier than others. I wish I was one of them, but I'm not. I have not spoken to my brother in eight years, he locked my sister and I out of our parents house when my mother died and a year later he lost the house and all the belongings in foreclosure. He never told us, he may be homeless I don't know. My sister has forgiven him but I can't and I'm sure I never will. The only thing I asked for when she died, were some photos from when we were kids. He got the house, three cars, the insurance and the bank accounts and lost it all. Everyone thinks I should let it go but I can't. 
All that to say, no one can tell you how to feel, they may suggest things that have helped them but we all have to live our lives and look ourselves in the mirror. I still think the least she could have done was write an apology, it may not have helped but it would have been a token of her admitting that she was wrong.


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## CloudClan (Jan 31, 2007)

CorkieYorkie said:


> I am almost positive that I will never speak to her again. Really, what is there to say? "I trusted you to care for my dog and you let her escape and die and ruined our lives" ? I am serious, what am I supposed to say to this woman? What is there to say?
> 
> Yes, it was her husband was out in the yard "watching" them, which makes me even angrier about the whole thing. She is the owner of her own pet-sitting company.. she should have been watching them, not her old, senile husband.
> 
> ...


I have to admit, I understand your anger with the carelessness of the dog sitter, but I don't truly understand your anger at those who have come here and urged you to consider forgiveness. You have lashed out here at those of us who have been concerned for you and your husband and dear Lisa. I think that anger is misplaced and needs to be redirected. 

You say that perhaps those of us who have urged forgiveness do not understand the type of loss you have suffered. I can tell you, I have not been in your exact position, but I know what it is like to lose someone very important in my life due to the actions of another. My father was murdered. I was angry. It took time and healing to come to terms with that anger, but I did find space in my heart for forgiveness. That doesn't mean I don't still feel anger, but it does mean I do not live every day with the bile of anger in my throat. 

Please try to recognize when people are here to comfort and offer their own wisdom and not strike at them for doing so. I see you say, you feel you may not wish to come and share your feelings here because we do not understand, I think it is important if you do share your feelings here, to also respect others feelings and expect that they may have suggestions, well-intended, that you may not be ready to hear. Perhaps one day though those words will be able to reach your heart. In the mean-time, accept that grieving takes many forms, but striking out at those who are trying to help is not going to move your forward.


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## CorkieYorkie (Apr 10, 2012)

The fact that all of you said I'm angry at people posting here, I thought I said I was not, I guess you don't believe me or didn't read what I wrote.

To whoever said I was bitter, yes, I am. I am bitter that my dog died. 

I thought you guys being dog lovers would understand my feelings, putting yourselves in my shoes, but clearly that isn't the case.

I'm not going to post here anymore. I obviously can't express myself, and if I can't do it freely on the one issue I truly thought I would get understanding with.. Then I just can't.


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## bellaratamaltese (May 24, 2006)

_Of course _we understand your pain and we all felt it with you and cried with you when you got that life-changing phone call. I have put myself in your shoes and I do not handle grief the way you do, everybody handles it differently and that is ok. There is no right or wrong answer here.


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## sherry (Jan 4, 2013)

Courtney, please don't go! We love you and grieve with you. Sometimes words get misunderstood and end up twisted in our heads. We are here for you. Big Hugs!


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## shellbeme (Mar 1, 2011)

Hugs to you Courtney, I don't think you've said anything offensive and I hope that you stick around-but by all means take a break if you need. Sometimes we all need a break. 

It is far too easy for any of us to post the first things that come in our heads and to become detached from behind this screen. I am so sorry for all your pain and I would rather not see this thread start to get heated. Unfortunately I guess this isn't the place for a sounding board-but you are welcome to message me for that!

Please remember everyone, we don't know each others life experiences 100% and we never truly fully know what it's like to walk in someone elses shoes. We never know what kind of day someone has had beyond these forums. Lets please just leave this thread with the compassion it started with and let it close that way.


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## Summergirl73 (Sep 18, 2011)

Courtney, please hear this. You are loved here and of course we know that you are free to grieve how you need to. You are free to have anger. You are free to feel whatever you need to get whole again and in your own time, you will heal. But please also try to understand this. We are just trying to love and support you. We are trying to help you heal by sharing our experiences and help you through this awful experience. Our hearts are in the right place and many are just trying to protect you from the path that holding on to too much anger can lead you. I truly wish you .... hope and patience. Hope for healing and for laughter again in your lives. Patience for the people who were human and made a terrible but human error. It is a tragic loss Courtney. A terrible and tragic loss. The truth is though, that the sitter and her husband are human and humans make terrible mistakes sometimes. So yes, as unpopular as this opinion may be. I pray you will learn to forgive them. I pray that for you, for them and for Lisa's little soul. 

Hugs to you.


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## pammy4501 (Aug 8, 2007)

Summergirl73 said:


> Courtney, please hear this. You are loved here and of course we know that you are free to grieve how you need to. You are free to have anger. You are free to feel whatever you need to get whole again and in your own time, you will heal. But please also try to understand this. We are just trying to love and support you. We are trying to help you heal by sharing our experiences and help you through this awful experience. Our hearts are in the right place and many are just trying to protect you from the path that holding on to too much anger can lead you. I truly wish you .... hope and patience. Hope for healing and for laughter again in your lives. Patience for the people who were human and made a terrible but human error. It is a tragic loss Courtney. A terrible and tragic loss. The truth is though, that the sitter and her husband are human and humans make terrible mistakes sometimes. So yes, as unpopular as this opinion may be. I pray you will learn to forgive them. I pray that for you, for them and for Lisa's little soul.
> 
> Hugs to you.


I don't think anything but compassion has been spoken here...I wish Courtney nothing but healing and peace with this.


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## Polly's mom (Apr 29, 2013)

*For Courtney*

I believe all that is required from the Spoiled Maltese family is "I am sorry". I cannot imagine the spectrum of feelings Courtney and Sean are dealing with and she needs the outlet of those people who understand the scope and intensity of her love and loss. I am sorry Courtney feels she cannot come her and be accepted for her feelings. When she feels she has reached a place where she is stuck and asks for advice on how to move on she will let us know. She should feel free to express these feelings safely here. I know there are only a few dear people in my life who would truly understand a loss such as this.

Please hold the advice and say, "I love you, support your feelings and will be there to listen for as long as it takes for you to grieve".

We listen not to hear but to prepare our response. Please let us hear her.


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## eiksaa (Jun 8, 2012)

Polly's mom said:


> I believe all that is required from the Spoiled Maltese family is "I am sorry". I cannot imagine the spectrum of feelings Courtney and Sean are dealing with and she needs the outlet of those people who understand the scope and intensity of her love and loss. I am sorry Courtney feels she cannot come her and be accepted for her feelings. When she feels she has reached a place where she is stuck and asks for advice on how to move on she will let us know. She should feel free to express these feelings safely here. I know there are only a few dear people in my life who would truly understand a loss such as this.
> 
> Please hold the advice and say, "I love you, support your feelings and will be there to listen for as long as it takes for you to grieve".
> 
> We listen not to hear but to prepare our response. Please let us hear her.


:goodpost: Courtney, please know everyone here was only trying to help coming from a place of compassion; but if that's not what you need right now, we are here to listen.


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## shellbeme (Mar 1, 2011)

Polly's mom said:


> I believe all that is required from the Spoiled Maltese family is "I am sorry". I cannot imagine the spectrum of feelings Courtney and Sean are dealing with and she needs the outlet of those people who understand the scope and intensity of her love and loss. I am sorry Courtney feels she cannot come her and be accepted for her feelings. When she feels she has reached a place where she is stuck and asks for advice on how to move on she will let us know. She should feel free to express these feelings safely here. I know there are only a few dear people in my life who would truly understand a loss such as this.
> 
> Please hold the advice and say, "I love you, support your feelings and will be there to listen for as long as it takes for you to grieve".
> 
> We listen not to hear but to prepare our response. Please let us hear her.


I love this post. :aktion033:


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## Bailey&Me (Mar 8, 2010)

Polly's mom said:


> I believe all that is required from the Spoiled Maltese family is "I am sorry". I cannot imagine the spectrum of feelings Courtney and Sean are dealing with and she needs the outlet of those people who understand the scope and intensity of her love and loss. I am sorry Courtney feels she cannot come her and be accepted for her feelings. When she feels she has reached a place where she is stuck and asks for advice on how to move on she will let us know. She should feel free to express these feelings safely here. I know there are only a few dear people in my life who would truly understand a loss such as this.
> 
> Please hold the advice and say, "I love you, support your feelings and will be there to listen for as long as it takes for you to grieve".
> 
> We listen not to hear but to prepare our response. Please let us hear her.





eiksaa said:


> :goodpost: Courtney, please know everyone here was only trying to help coming from a place of compassion; but if that's not what you need right now, we are here to listen.


:goodpost: and totally agreed!


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## Gambitsgirl (Jan 14, 2007)

so very very sorry- prayers


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## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

Courtney -- as I said in my earlier post -- I am heartbroken for you and Sean and Ozzie and just wish I could wrap my arms around you and let you cry it all out. Liza was so loved, and I know that our SM members were all very shaken and upset about what happened to her.

After losing my husband, Jerry, 2 years ago, I read many of the books on grieving. All of us grieve in our own way and time, but some of your current feelings seem to mirror the various stages of grief. Apparently (according to the books), these stages are necessary to begin a healing process, so, if the books are correct, it's probably very good that you are feeling what you are. Grief cannot and should not be rushed.

In any event, I love you and wish with all my heart that there was something I could do to help take away your pain. Wrapping you in my arms with love (virtually).


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## KAG (Jun 1, 2006)

The pain you're feeling Courtney, must be unbearable. Please know everyone here feels for you. Cry your eyes out, honey. You're in mourning, you're grieving. I promise your tears will stop someday. I still cry because I miss my Crisse so much. 

You can tell me to F off at any time, Courtney. It has occurred to me that you haven't forgiven yourself. I wish it was easier said than done. I wish you peace, sweet girl. 
Xoxoxoxoxo


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## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

CorkieYorkie said:


> The fact that all of you said I'm angry at people posting here, I thought I said I was not, I guess you don't believe me or didn't read what I wrote.
> 
> To whoever said I was bitter, yes, I am. I am bitter that my dog died.
> 
> ...


Sweetie, please don't stop posting. You lost your baby due to someone's stupidity. You have every right to be mad as heck. I would be soo angry too, because it was senseless and totally avoidable.

I hope you can find some peace maybe counceling,I don't know... I wouldn't have a clue if it would help me in that situation... It's no different than a babysitter allowing your baby to wonder into the street...Lisa was your baby..

Find a way to forgive, it doesn't mean you're letting them off the hook, nor forgetting... These people should never pet sit again, ever, period... Considering the carelessness, even if she watched Lisa at your house, if she was careless at home, she would have been at your house as well..


Right now the grief is tooo raw...and will be hard to get through.. 
We love you and want to help you heal too, all we can do is hold your heart in our hands , from afar and pray for peace in your heart...
There's no time limit for grief, whatever time is needed is different for all of us...
We're all worried about you now...


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