# Breeder Says She has 6-Yr Old Like Our Recently (Tragically) Departed Shayna



## brendaman (Mar 7, 2006)

We're seeing a dog tonight which is the same age as our recently lost Shayna (see Memoriam section). We're so broken-hearted by our lost and feeling the emptiness, that my immediate reaction is to take her without asking questions. But we should ask questions, and not sure what questions. She may be Shayna's sister or half-sister or cousin. We don't yet have other details such as did she ever produce a litter (she was defnitely kept for breeding). We're afraid that our empty hearts would rule and need help from our SM friends on things we should consider in adopting a "retired" adult female from a breeder.


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

The only hesitation I would have in adopting a retired breeder is that there is a greater chance of breast cancer. And, while I have twice bought puppies without meeting them, I think I would want to meet an adult dog first.
It is good to let your heart rule. I see that you are not just moving with emotion, you are considering carefully. Listen to your heart tonight when you meet to...not to the emptiness in your heart.


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## hoaloha (Jan 27, 2012)

brendaman said:


> We're seeing a dog tonight which is the same age as our recently lost Shayna (see Memoriam section). We're so broken-hearted by our lost and feeling the emptiness, that my immediate reaction is to take her without asking questions. But we should ask questions, and not sure what questions. She may be Shayna's sister or half-sister or cousin. We don't yet have other details such as did she ever produce a litter (she was defnitely kept for breeding). We're afraid that our empty hearts would rule and need help from our SM friends on things we should consider in adopting a "retired" adult female from a breeder.


 
Brenda, this is wonderful news  I lost my puppy at 7 months old and we adopted Obi when he was 9 months old (so they were close in age as well). I can see how getting a simlar age/gender pup can be emotionally difficult because it may be easier to compare the two dogs (even though your mind and heart know that you shouldn't). Spend some time with the pup and ask a lot of questions to the breeder regarding health issues (ie. dental, patellas, etc...) and very importantly, the dog's personailty.- affectionate, outgoing vs reserved, attitude towards strangers, any quirks, etcc.. If there are specific things you desire to do with the new pup (like traveling, outdoor activities, or specific situations), I'd ask the breeder how she thinks the dog will react to those. Keep an open heart and mind but also be brave enough to say "no" if the dog is not a right fit for you. They right dog will come along. Every dog is individual and can't ever be replaced but there is always more room in one's heart to love another. Good luck!


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## Sylie (Apr 4, 2011)

hoaloha said:


> Brenda, this is wonderful news  I lost my puppy at 7 months old and we adopted Obi when he was 9 months old (so they were close in age as well). I can see how getting a simlar age/gender pup can be emotionally difficult because it may be easier to compare the two dogs (even though your mind and heart know that you shouldn't). Spend some time with the pup and ask a lot of questions to the breeder regarding health issues (ie. dental, patellas, etc...) and very importantly, the dog's personailty.- affectionate, outgoing vs reserved, attitude towards strangers, any quirks, etcc.. If there are specific things you desire to do with the new pup (like traveling, outdoor activities, or specific situations), I'd ask the breeder how she thinks the dog will react to those. Keep an open heart and mind but also be brave enough to say "no" if the dog is not a right fit for you. They right dog will come along. Every dog is individual and can't ever be replaced but there is always more room in one's heart to love another. Good luck!


:goodpost:


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## Patsy Heck (Jun 10, 2011)

I got both my puppies without meeting them. I trusted the breeder. The breeder wants to pair up the right owners so she will know too if it's the right fluff. I say go with your heart.


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## zooeysmom (Aug 1, 2011)

Sylie said:


> :goodpost:


Yes, great post, Marisa. I'm sorry about your other puppy  But I'm so glad you have Obi. He was meant to be with you :thumbsup:



Patsy Heck said:


> I got both my puppies without meeting them. I trusted the breeder. The breeder wants to pair up the right owners so she will know too if it's the right fluff. I say go with your heart.


Yes, the breeder will know her well, so that coupled with your gut instinct should guide your decision tonight. Good luck, and of course, let us know


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## lynda (Oct 11, 2005)

Brenda, I am hoping all goes well for you tonight and anxious to hear how you make out. Will keep checking in for updates along with everyone else I'm sure.


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## babycake7 (Jan 30, 2012)

Great advice, Marisa! The right fluff is out there for you, Brenda...be it the one you are meeting tonight or another one. Trust the universe and be patient if necessary. About three years ago, we had to put down our favorite race horse. My heart was soooo empty and I felt dispair that none of the other horses that came through our barns made me feel the way that horse had. Then just about a year ago, a very unlikely candidate came our way. He was nothing like my first favorite horse but in his own special way, he flamed the fire that I had thought was dimming in my heart. You will feel it in your heart. Wishing you the best.


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## brendaman (Mar 7, 2006)

Well, Bella's here! My husband really wanted to say, "no." But her face is just so similar to our Shayna. A friend of the breeder (who lives 7 hrs away) delivered her to our door. Bella's definitely had puppies, but we don't know how many times. Because I was in an all-day meeting, I delegated my husband to speak to the breeder and her friend. And of course, he didn't quite know which questions to ask. I'll have to call the breeder another day. The breeder's friend arrived rather late (9pm), and we had to make a decision in about an hour whether to keep her or not, as the breeder's friend knew another family who were looking at her tomorrow morning. My husband and I went back and forth, and he deferred to me, but I know he's just not willing to give his heart, perhaps because Shayna had her tragic death only 10 days ago. As my husband went to bed tonight, I placed Bella on the bed with him, and he did pet her and acknowledged she was cute and pretty, but he said with tears in his eyes, "I just still miss Shayna.":smcry:

Aside from not yet knowing her history, Bella does have some issues. She doesn't seem to have all her teeth and will need immediate dental care. We live in a townhome, and she can't quite go up and down on her own, although she can go up a few stairs (As a puppy, Shayna was fearless and was bounding up stairs, eventually beating us up and down the stairs every time). Bella needs to be spayed, and I don't even know if she's up to date with her shots. I can go through a list of other concerns/issues, but I know we're being unfair to Bella, by judging her so soon. (Mind you, Shayna had her issues.) I'm going to make an appointment with our vet, but if he finds all kinds of health issues/concerns, what do I do? My husband asked me if Bella has medical costs of $1000, would I pay it. I answered that since we would have paid thousands to purchase a puppy, and since we got/adopted Bella at no cost, then $1000 or more in medical costs seems a silly point to debate.

We do have an out and said that if we don't bond with her, the breeder's friend said that she would give us the nme of to the other family who was also interested in her. But I doubt it would come to that, or maybe I'm just in denial and am thinking and acting with a broken heart. I do know that in the three hours we've had her, I'm not afraid of the flashbacks I've been having of Shayna's tragic death. 

I wish we were able to take the rest of the week off to be with Bella, but we have to leave Bella in her crate tomorrow. Our dog walker will come meet her, and take her out in the afternoon, and I plan to come home early. We used to leave classical music on for Shayna, so we'll do the same for Bella. When we welcomed Shayna into our home, I took a week off to bond with her. I just don't feel prepared this time. Am I having buyer's remorse (not that we bought her)? Am I worrying too much? Are we the best parents, if my husband is hesitant to open his heart immediately?


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## CloudClan (Jan 31, 2007)

Brenda,

Everyone grieves in different ways. I know many people who want another fluff right away because of how empty the house feels when there is no pitter-patter of little feet. Other people can't bear to open their hearts again so soon. In the end, though the grief is still there because the loss is such a dear one. 

I hope Bella is able to help you and your husband through this grieving process. For sure, focusing on her needs now may be a way to stop the replay of that nightmare in your head. 

Prayers to you. rayer:


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## Piccolina (Dec 25, 2009)

Brenda,

I think that she has a lovely adorable:tender: face, and indeed she does look like Shayna.

I think she is a keeper. She has such an innocent:innocent: face, just asking to be kept and loved.

Why does it matter how many litters she had?

Now she is a retiree and wants to enjoy life and be loved by two good loving parents such as you and your husband. 

What I would do is immediately buy a Pet insurance so that if SHE DOES have any medical problem, you will not be financially drained.

When I discovered that Dolcina had GME, I praised God for having bought Pet Insurance 
because my medical bills were into the thousands of $$$$.

She is adorable:wub:, give it some time and you will see that you will bond with her. 

Good luck with a wise decision:drinkup:


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## Summergirl73 (Sep 18, 2011)

:goodpost: I am so happy to hear that you have adopted little Bella. She is a total doll baby!!! 

I would definetly sign up for Pet Insurance online 1st thing this a.m. I just don't know which needs to come 1st, (Pet Insurance application or your visit to the Vet) in order to make sure you get the best benefits from insurance coverage (the whole pre-existing condition thing). Hopefully someone here can answer that for you. 

As far as the buyers remorse thing goes, to be honest we had it with our Bella. Our Lucky dog was 15 yrs old and declining rapidly in health (he passed about a month ago) and we weren't sure we could let our hearts (especially DH's) love Bella completely. Well since then, she has stolen our hearts and is a true part of our family. I understand your hesitation though, but I think time generally fills in the place where fear and hesitation previously existed. Hugs and congrats to you, your DH and your beautiful Bella. ♥


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## maggieh (Dec 16, 2007)

CloudClan said:


> Brenda,
> 
> For sure, focusing on her needs now may be a way to stop the replay of that nightmare in your head.
> 
> Prayers to you. rayer:


Carina has a really good thought here - Bella needs you to help her adjust to a "real" life now and that may be the best thing for you and DH. I know that when my friends lost their Springer Spaniel in January, they wanted me to bring Tessa and Sweetness over to their house just so Jim could snuggle with Tessa. They've just brought a new rescue into their home and while they had some of the same feelings as you the first day or two, it's the best thing they ever could have done.

Praying all goes well!


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## Furbabies mom (Jul 25, 2011)

Congratulations on your new Bella. I know the heartache of losing one of our sweet babies. It is so lonely without them around. Even though you can never replace Shayna, , Bella needs you as well as you need her.I hope that all goes well for you and your husband and Bella fits in nicely with your family.


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## Patsy Heck (Jun 10, 2011)

I know the emotions you are going through. When my Cassie died three years a go I decided to devote all my love to my sick aging Jack Russell Roxane. (I hadn't been a one dog home for 30 years) As she suffered from declining health I started preparing for my new love. I knew I wanted another sweet fur baby like Cassie and even purchased the two I have before Roxane was gone. I agonize over the decision I made with Roxane wondering if it was "easier" because the girls were coming. The vet was ready two months before. She wouldn't eat and at the end was unable to drink. The anticipation of the girls helped the grief. They arrived 10 days later. I was so filled with grief for Roxane and joy of the two new babies. How could I be happy and so sad. Remorse absolutely, was I filling the void of my Cassie and Roxane yes. Those ten days without Roxane gave me the opportunity to know I can't have a house without the sound of little paws. Greive for your loss but let this new love fill part of the hole you have you won't regret it in time.


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## ckanen2n (Jan 2, 2012)

Such a cute baby! :Sooo cute: I am happy for you - that you are moving forward with an open heart. Best wishes to you, hubby, and Bella!


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## lynda (Oct 11, 2005)

Brenda, she is just adorable. I truly hope things work out well for you and your husband and baby Bella too. I think you all need each other right now and in the years to come too.


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## aprilb (Jul 9, 2010)

Brenda, she is adorable!:wub: I think you and your husband are struggling with the grief..both in different ways which is okay..I say give this little girl a chance..my first Malt was my heart and he became terminally ill..I knew I would have to let him go and the thought of that devastated me..we were so close. A few months before he passed, I brought home a new Malt puppy..I am so glad I did. I ended up having to have my Noah put down. It was one of the hardest things I ever did. While I struggled with the grief, my Rose helped me through it and I did not have to come home to an empty house..


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## Madison's Mom (Dec 26, 2007)

Bella is a little doll. Congratulations to you all. I bet she'll be a part of both your hearts in no time at all.


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## Ladysmom (Oct 19, 2004)

CloudClan said:


> Brenda,
> 
> Everyone grieves in different ways. I know many people who want another fluff right away because of how empty the house feels when there is no pitter-patter of little feet. Other people can't bear to open their hearts again so soon. In the end, though the grief is still there because the loss is such a dear one.
> 
> ...


Very wise words. 

When I lost my Lady last year I couldn't even think about getting another one. When I finally felt like I could love another one, I knew it would have to be as different as Lady as possible so I decided on a little boy.

I know people like you, however, who have gone out and gotten another one within days. I even know someone who gave her puppy the same name as the one she lost.

Grief is such a personal thing. I hope your husband is able to open his heart to Bella.

Please take her to the vet immediately so you will know if she has any serious health issues. You don't need another heartbreak.


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## zooeysmom (Aug 1, 2011)

Oh, she is precious! I'm betting that, assuming she checks out at the vet, you and your husband will fall in love with her. Just give yourselves time and focus on your beautiful new girl.


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## LexiMom (Feb 7, 2012)

She is ADORABLE congrats....


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## babycake7 (Jan 30, 2012)

She's a doll! And, of course, we like the name "Bella!" I am sure that she will work her way into your hearts in her own special way. I think focusing on her may help ease some of your pain and fill some of the emptiness in your home and hearts. God Bless!


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## SammieMom (Nov 13, 2010)

[QUOTE=brendaman;
, but if he finds all kinds of health issues/concerns, what do I do? My husband asked me if Bella has medical costs of $1000, would I pay it. I answered that since we would have paid thousands to purchase a puppy, and since we got/adopted Bella at no cost, then $1000 or more in medical costs seems a silly point to debate.

Brenda,
I pray in time this horrible grief will ease for you and your DH. I would ask myself what I would have done if I were asked to adopt Bella before. Otherwise it probably would be too difficult for me to know where my true feelings are with such a heavy heart. 

As far as health issues (1,000). This is a reality that must be considered for Bella as much as you. Depending on what they are, a 1,000 may be low. If it turns out she has orthopedic issues, it can be very costly (2,600 for one leg) and there can be months of home bound aftercare involved. 
{{hugs & healing}}


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

She looks so precious. I know this is a very hard transition and I think you have to play it by ear. As far as insurance, I would sign up today since you don't want to go to a vet visit and find out there are major issues and then that they would say it was pre-exixting. Also if there's periodontal issues, the insurance might cover them. I have PetPlan and that's how my policy works. Good luck and I think you will end up falling in love with her as she gets to know you. I would think that the breeder would take her back if she's not a good match. Kind of surprised she didn't get the spay and dental done. Usually retirees are sold to people for the price of those two.


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## Ladysmom (Oct 19, 2004)

SammieMom said:


> brendaman;
> said:
> 
> 
> ...


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## pammy4501 (Aug 8, 2007)

Well she is as cute as can be. And I can see from the picture that her tail is going a mile a minute, so she must be friendly! If she didn't have stairs in her previous environment, that could account for her inabilibty to navagate them. She will learn. A vet visit is in order. I hope her teeth aren't an issue. It makes me sad that we seem to hear of so many retiree's with dental issues. Wish that weren't so. But hoping for the best and that this sweet girl can start your healing process.


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## romeo&juliet (Jun 23, 2011)

oh i hear the pain through your words.. I look at Bella she is just so adorable i know in your hearts you will do the right thing and yes you guys are wonderful parents and any fluff would be Blessed to have you guys :wub::wub::wub::wub::wub:


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## bonsmom (Feb 22, 2010)

Bella is beautiful. 
It may take you and your husband awhile for the greif to diminish enough to let the joy of a new dog in. Bella however, has already decided that you are the best thing that has ever happened to her.
I hope the vet has good news and you have years of joy.


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## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

Sending prayers your way. Grief is always so hard and so personal. You, of course, make yourself vunerable again when you open your heart to a new fluff -- but little Bella looks happy and ready to give you her heart.

If it's meant to be, it will work out and if it doesn't work out, then she wasn't meant to be yours. Praying for God to give you wisdom and guidance.


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## brendaman (Mar 7, 2006)

Bella was a sweet little girl, but we've decided she wasn't the dog for us. There was another woman interested in her, and she was a stay-at-home Mom (DH and I work and have a dog-walker who cared for our Shayna). We also lived in a 4-story townhome, and Bella could not maneuver the stairs, while Bella's "new" Mom lived in a one-story home. The "new" Mom also had other dogs (Westies), and when Bella was with us, she always went towards a mirrored wall in our house, pacing against it and seemed to think it's another dog. Our time with Bella did teach us that we want/need another puppy.

Thanks to everyone for your kind advice and wishes. I'm going to do a new post asking for advice for a new puppy. We've contacted Josymir Maltese, and she does not yet have available girl puppies, which suits us as we're still grieving for our wonder-dog, Shayna.


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## hoaloha (Jan 27, 2012)

Brenda, thanks for the update... I'm glad you were able to see if Bella was a good fit for you. I'm sure that cutie will find a great home too as you mentioned. Good luck in your search for the new puppy and don't settle for anything less than the dog you feel was meant to be with you!


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

Brenda - I applaud you for thinking of Bella's needs first. It does sound like the other home is more suitable for her in several ways and I also think you need a little more breathing room until you jump into a new member of your family. I feel quite sure that the right Maltese will find you and it will be a great match. Love Josy and her puppies and several other breeders whom SM has gotten puppies from. Just a note - I'm thrilled that I got Tyler at 8 months - much less training and sleepless nights than a very young pup but still very much a puppy. An easier transition in our household. As Lynn said, if it's meant to be, it will be. :thumbsup:


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## SammieMom (Nov 13, 2010)

I think of your beloved Shayna everyday Brenda, and say a little prayer for you. As difficult as this has been for you, thank you for sharing your story. Sending you a virtual :hugging: .


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## allheart (Oct 3, 2008)

Brenda, hugs and love to you from the bottom of my heart. 

Much love,
Christine


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## Snuggle's Mom (Jan 3, 2008)

Wow, you really did think what was best for little Bella first which was truly an unselfish act upon you and your Husband. I wish that there were more wonderful and caring people such as you in this wide world of ours. I know that when the right Puppy comes along, it will be the one that is meant for you. I know that you will keep us posted when you finally make your decision for a new Puppy.


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## Ladysmom (Oct 19, 2004)

Brenda, I think you made the right decision. Most likely Bella came from a kennel situation and needs to have other dogs around. 

My Bailey came from Josymir and I just can't say enough about how wonderful Josy was throughout the whole process. She was so understanding after I lost Lady and understood that I needed time to grieve. I started out convinced I wanted another girl, but ended up deciding that a little boy was just what I needed to fill the hole in my heart. Try to keep an open mind to both sexes. I just couldn't be happier with Bailey. He is just the happiest and most social dog I have ever met which Josy says is typical of the boys.

In the meantime, just allow yourself to grieve for Shayna. It's a process and you can't rush it. When you are ready to open your heart again, I am sure Josy will find the perfect Maltese for you.


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## maggieh (Dec 16, 2007)

Hugs to you - the right baby will be out there!


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## zooeysmom (Aug 1, 2011)

It sounds like you made the right choice for you and sweet little Bella, Brenda. I hope she'll be very happy in her new home, and I know you will find another pup that fits perfectly into your family. 

Hugs,


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## joyomom (Jan 13, 2008)

Ladysmom said:


> Brenda, I think you made the right decision. Most likely Bella came from a kennel situation and needs to have other dogs around.
> 
> My Bailey came from Josymir and I just can't say enough about how wonderful Josy was throughout the whole process. She was so understanding after I lost Lady and understood that I needed time to grieve. I started out convinced I wanted another girl, but ended up deciding that a little boy was just what I needed to fill the hole in my heart. Try to keep an open mind to both sexes. I just couldn't be happier with Bailey. He is just the happiest and most social dog I have ever met which Josy says is typical of the boys.
> 
> In the meantime, just allow yourself to grieve for Shayna. It's a process and you can't rush it. When you are ready to open your heart again, I am sure Josy will find the perfect Maltese for you.


:goodpost:

Bailey is adorable!! And I agree with Marj, the boys can be very happy and social : ) I was surprised by this as I wanted a girl also. Mateo has filled my heart with so much joy!!!

Hoping you will be sent a little angel soon to love.


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## SammieMom (Nov 13, 2010)

Ladysmom said:


> Brenda, I think you made the right decision. Most likely Bella came from a kennel situation and needs to have other dogs around.
> 
> My Bailey came from Josymir and I just can't say enough about how wonderful Josy was throughout the whole process. She was so understanding after I lost Lady and understood that I needed time to grieve. I started out convinced I wanted another girl, but ended up deciding that a little boy was just what I needed to fill the hole in my heart. Try to keep an open mind to both sexes. I just couldn't be happier with Bailey. He is just the happiest and most social dog I have ever met which Josy says is typical of the boys.
> 
> In the meantime, just allow yourself to grieve for Shayna. It's a process and you can't rush it. When you are ready to open your heart again, I am sure Josy will find the perfect Maltese for you.


:goodpost:

Brenda, Like Marj, I too wanted only a female but got a male instead. He is the sweetest soul ever. And he is so playful, it's hard to explain but there is a difference from the females You'll have the time you need to be ready for a baby that you both can open your home and hearts to. 
xoxo


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