# Am I the only one dreading Christmas?



## NONNY (May 21, 2006)

Am I the only one with that awful dread of the Christmas holidays?







I didn't even put a tree up. It seemed like too much trouble, just to have to put it away, since I'm not having any company.











I never imagined what it would be like to have NO holiday plans, but I have NO holiday plans. I have family, but they are all doing their own thing with their spouse's families. My children are still angry at me for when "I broke". I've begged for compassion and forgiveness, and tried to explain to them but....... nothing from them. I kept thinking they would "come around" before the holidays, but now I know it's not going to happen. 

My psychiatrist and psychologist requested a meeting with any or all the children and hubby (ever since August), but they refused. I've had to go alone everytime. I had appointments today, but I cancelled them. I couldn't face talking about the holidays. They have kept telling me to "reach out to the family"and I have, but I can't get a response from them, so it's just me, Izzy and Chipper for the holidays.







Maybe Santa will bring us a new puppy?










I keep counting days....7 more days and this holiday season will be over.


----------



## Cosy (Feb 9, 2006)

Nonny, don't you have a husband? 

I'm always alone on Christmas day. It's been that way since my divorce many years ago. I do see my family Christmas eve but never on Christmas day. I've learned to use this day to do for myself. I read a good book, take a long bubble bath, nap to my heart's content, eat wonderful leftovers and feel no guilt. Christmas is about love and sometimes we need to "love" ourselves when no one else is around to show it.


----------



## NYC Neighborhood Dogs (Nov 12, 2006)

I try to do a littlle bit for myself to have some Christmas joy, but, this year I don't have any spirit at all. If it would get cold and snowy my I might feel differently.

I've been celebrating Christmas alone most of my adult life. A few visits to family years ago but only one was ever truly lovely and like being home again; all the rest were just so unsettling.

Christmas is usually busy for me and that's what makes me dread it. I have a number of regular clients who just don't seem to understand that I need to know about their plans early on. I think they're not sending their dogs so I'll bring in several new dog clients, and then come the last minute calls and I can't say no to my friends, the dogs I've known for four, five, more years. This weekend I am apprehensive thinking about the number of small dogs who might end up here for the holidays. Currently, I have three here with me, four as of tomorrow, plus my three. By weekend, I think that number will increase by at least three, possibly five, for a total of eleven small mouths to feed and clean up after (all are paper trained). This is in my apartment BTW.

And I've got this little old epileptic doggie here now for the week and she's breaking my heart.

Oh poo. This isn't about me! Sorry.


----------



## Jacki (Jul 13, 2006)

> Nonny, don't you have a husband?
> 
> I'm always alone on Christmas day. It's been that way since my divorce many years ago. I do see my family Christmas eve but never on Christmas day. I've learned to use this day to do for myself. I read a good book, take a long bubble bath, nap to my heart's content, eat wonderful leftovers and feel no guilt. Christmas is about love and sometimes we need to "love" ourselves when no one else is around to show it.[/B]


I couldn't agree with you more, Brit. Sometimes we really do need to love ourselves. Nonny, I hope that you will find some joy in the coming days. Perhaps you can take some time to pamper yourself - rest, read, bubble bath - whatever makes your heart feel lighter.


----------



## MissMelanie (Feb 13, 2006)

<span style="font-family:Comic">Dear Nonny,

You may be alone in body but NOT in spirit, please believe me.

I am not looking forward to Christmas either, due to my husband dumping all the bills on me. I have not been able to shop for my children at all yet. I am not a finger nail biter, but if I were I would have NO nails at all by now.

I LOVE waking up and watching my children's face when they walk out and see what Santa has left... perhaps not this year. Also I am a Hallmark Ornament collector and December 26th is the day I LOVE the most... and darn it all, not this year. BUMMER!

Please believe you are NOT alone.

Melanie
</span>


----------



## NONNY (May 21, 2006)

> > Nonny, don't you have a husband?
> >
> > Yes....that's why I had the breakdown


----------



## Cary (Jun 11, 2006)

> Yes....that's why I had the breakdown
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Don't know whether to cry or laugh at that one.








You're not alone... If I could sleep through it all this
year I would. Maybe next year will be different.


----------



## triste (Aug 30, 2004)

Nonny..hubbies can do that can't they?


----------



## samuelette (Apr 9, 2006)

Maybe the people here at sm that are going to be alone this Christmas should plan to meet in live chat that day for some love from each other, I would love to be with you other Maltese mommies that day.


----------



## sassy's mommy (Aug 29, 2005)

I was alone for many years and I agree with Brit. Take a long bubble bath, watch a sappy chick flick, eat pizza or ice cream.....anything that would normally make you feel guilty. Call an old friend, but most of all like yourself. 

P.S. Being alone is NOT the worst thing in life.


----------



## HappyB (Feb 28, 2005)

OK folks let's get off the pity pot.
Christmas is also my birthday, and I will not be with my family either. My son, his girlfriend, my sister's family, and my parents, and I will celebrate during the day on Christmas Eve. Neither of my girls will be here by the 25th, and that means not seeing my grandchildren. I missed the special weekend with them this past weekend due to being sick. 
So, do I feel sad? NO. I could go to my sister's and have dinner with her family, I could ask my son to be here with me, or I could go to friends. I choose to go to the nursing home and be with my patients who have no family for Christmas. I will give Pocket a bath and maybe put a Santa hat on him, and off we will go. Christmas Eve was always a special time for my children and me with church and a special dinner, then presents (except for the year my son's Border Collie ate the turkey while we were at church). For the past two years. I've found that I can cuddle with the dogs, turn on various church services on TV and sing the carols off key to them. My mom will cook a feast for Christmas Eve dinner, and I'll feast on left overs. She is a much better cook than I am. 
I think I'm going to pack all the presents away I have for my grandchildren and wait until January when they are settled in their new home. I'll drive over to Texas and we will have a special celebration then. Maybe my daughter from Austin can drive over to Tyler.
Nonny, turn the tables on your family. Get in your car and reach out to someone who needs you more. I've found that by giving to them, I receive a much greater blessing.


----------



## Deanna (Jan 14, 2005)

One of my favorite holidays was when I was alone. The whole day was about ME. I made a huge dinner - my favorite mexican meal, made my favorite dessert, rented all my favorite movies, bought myself a new set of jammies, bought a new book. I spent the day eating my fav foods while curled up on the couch with a movie or a book, oh and a nice big bottle of wine! 

One year all my friends and I that weren't going to be home for Christmas loaded up sandwiches and went and handed them out to homeless people, then we went to the nursing home and visted with all the people who didn't have visitors. It was one of the best Christimas ever. 

My family lives in Texas, and I am not close to my husband's family. In fact they suck every last bit of enjoyment out of the holiday season. I start getting stressed in October about it, and don't relax until Jan 1. I TRY not to let them get to me; every year I tell myself I will suck it up, I will have my own fun and make it about us. But each year they wear me down. This year is especially bad- it is taking all my good southern upbringing not to lose control of my mouth. 

I don't have any advice to offer about your family, I am sure they have they their own issues to work through. The only thing I can say is- do what you have to do to get well, and don't dwell on them. Do what makes _you_ happy, don't depend on someone else to make you happy-- make yourself happy!


----------



## Boobookit (Dec 3, 2005)

> OK folks let's get off the pity pot.
> Christmas is also my birthday, and I will not be with my family either. My son, his girlfriend, my sister's family, and my parents, and I will celebrate during the day on Christmas Eve. Neither of my girls will be here by the 25th, and that means not seeing my grandchildren. I missed the special weekend with them this past weekend due to being sick.
> So, do I feel sad? NO. I could go to my sister's and have dinner with her family, I could ask my son to be here with me, or I could go to friends. I choose to go to the nursing home and be with my patients who have no family for Christmas. I will give Pocket a bath and maybe put a Santa hat on him, and off we will go. Christmas Eve was always a special time for my children and me with church and a special dinner, then presents (except for the year my son's Border Collie ate the turkey while we were at church). For the past two years. I've found that I can cuddle with the dogs, turn on various church services on TV and sing the carols off key to them. My mom will cook a feast for Christmas Eve dinner, and I'll feast on left overs. She is a much better cook than I am.
> I think I'm going to pack all the presents away I have for my grandchildren and wait until January when they are settled in their new home. I'll drive over to Texas and we will have a special celebration then. Maybe my daughter from Austin can drive over to Tyler.
> Nonny, turn the tables on your family. Get in your car and reach out to someone who needs you more. I've found that by giving to them, I receive a much greater blessing.[/B]


*I agree with you.....Life is what we make it...When I get down and depressed I pop into what I call my "fighting Mode" I get up and do something that will make ME feel better. I think it has been a tough year for a lot of us on here but when we are hit with those bumps and lumps in the road we have to make the best of it. Trust me, I know, sometimes it is hard. But I refuse to let anything or anyone get the best of me.*

*Nonny, I agree with everyone else, do something for yourself that you like to do, don't ever let anyone or anything make you think you are less then what and who you really are. I may not know you personally but from what I have read in your posts you are one heck of a fine person...Pat yourself on your back and do for you. Spend your time with your furbutts, look how much love they have for you.*

*So, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and have a wonderful day of doing for Nonny!*

*Merry Christmas!*

*Marie, Pacino & Ralphie*


----------



## phesty (May 30, 2006)

You know, sometimes dogs are the best family a girl (or boy) can have! 

Josie doesn't care that I have mental health issues!
She doesn't care that some days, I feel like crawling under a rock and not coming out.
She doesn't care that I've been in the psych ward at the hospital.
She doesn't care that I take anti-depressants every day.
She doesn't care that I'm divorced.
She doesn't care that we live with my parents.
She doesn't care that I dropped out of college the first time.
She doesn't care that I'm overweight.

Josie sees the sunshine inside me, even on the cloudy days.
She loves me, even when I'm annoyed with her.
She would follow me anywhere.

I know that Izzy and Chipper don't care about any of your "stuff" and they probably love you even more because of it! Izzy and Chipper can see the sunshine inside you, Nonny, and so can your friends here at SM.


----------



## Andrea&Luci (Jul 30, 2006)

Steph......That was so awsome!!!
And true!
Let's also remember, that family gatherings are not what they are all cracked up to be....at least, to me they're not. I DO NOT look forward to hanging out w/ my bf's family, who half of the time are just so not happy!!! I dont wanna deal w/ fights and arguments, and blah bla bla! If I had the choice of being alone or w/ family on the holidays, I would DEFINITELY pick to be alone, on the couch with my favorite blanket, TV and Luci!


----------



## Zoe and Bella's mom (Jan 23, 2006)

Christmas (to me) is the gift of Christ coming to earth, so graciously given by God so many years ago. That alone allows me to celebrate, and give thanks for a Blessed holiday. That alone gives me peace and a thankful heart, and a hope for the future.

Everything else is icing on the cake









Ginny


----------



## starry (Sep 4, 2006)

Oh I think this is a good thread for me too!!
Yes I dread Christmas all the way up to the 24 hours of it, then I "start" with some wine since I usually have to play referee between my dad,stepmmom and sister, smallkids,her jerk hubby.
I have it at my house bc?? we are sooo rich...what a joke. I think they just want me to clean up the mess. Really though I don't care bc I do it for my girls who wanted a big family like me but just ended up with as many dogs as kids running thru the wrapping.








Seriously, everyyear though I do say I want to be Jewish bc don't they just have to deal with 7 presents???
I think going to the nursing home is really a sweet thing to do as I feel sorry for them even though I think they are lucky to live soo long.








Also this is a very stressful time for my meal ticket as my shopping always qualdruples and then the roast beast..
So please everyone, there is no perfect Xmas, although I admire those who have the energy to get all that stuff out and then store it too.









Oh Ginny, what a beautiful saying, I don't mean to sound so harsh,, I will think of what you said.


----------



## msmagnolia (Sep 8, 2004)

When I am down, instead of a pity party I try and think of those who have it worse than me. And it isn't all that hard to find them......

Our dear, dear friend in Cape Cod who is in the final stages of lung cancer and NEVER, EVER smoked.....

The girl at my salon that does the facials was given 12months to live from a rare adrenal cancer. It is moving fast and she is only 42, divorced, single mom of a 6 year old and 3 year old. She is trying to make this wonderful because this will be her last Christmas....

I love HappyB's suggestion of spending some time on Christmas at a nursing home, children's hospital, or maybe even an animal shelter.......


----------



## NONNY (May 21, 2006)

> You know, sometimes dogs are the best family a girl (or boy) can have!
> 
> Josie doesn't care that I have mental health issues!
> She doesn't care that some days, I feel like crawling under a rock and not coming out.
> ...


----------



## NONNY (May 21, 2006)

I think I may have messed up my karma. I had a loooong reply typed....and it just disappeared!!



I actually agree with most of your comments. It's only as bad of a day that I allow it to be, but right now I've having a hard time. I don't think it's the holiday that is actually bothering me, but the fact that my children and husband ran the other way, when I needed them...and they've been gone ever since. Maybe I thought that they would stop pretending that I no longer exist, and talk to me? I've called, emailed, and begged.....not a response from any of them. I'm not surprised at my husband's indifference. My youngest daughter only allows me around "when I behave" and no issues or mental illness can be discussed. She's angry at me for melting down this weekend....that is not allowed. Maybe I should teach Izzy and Chipper how to dial 911?


----------



## Cosy (Feb 9, 2006)

There is always someone out there who has it worse than we do........always. Try to remember that and be thankful......if only for your sweet animals. That is more than many have. They teach us unconditional love.

That is what Christmas is.......the birth of unconditional love.


----------



## HappyB (Feb 28, 2005)

> I think I may have messed up my karma. I had a loooong reply typed....and it just disappeared!!
> 
> 
> 
> I actually agree with most of your comments. It's only as bad of a day that I allow it to be, but right now I've having a hard time. I don't think it's the holiday that is actually bothering me, but the fact that my children and husband ran the other way, when I needed them...and they've been gone ever since. Maybe I thought that they would stop pretending that I no longer exist, and talk to me? I've called, emailed, and begged.....not a response from any of them. I'm not surprised at my husband's indifference. My youngest daughter only allows me around "when I behave" and no issues or mental illness can be discussed. She's angry at me for melting down this weekend....that is not allowed. Maybe I should teach Izzy and Chipper how to dial 911?[/B]



Nonny, my brain is fried tonight, so I can't think of the term I'm looking for, but I can describe it. There are people who are so negative toward anyone with a "flaw" whether it is a mental disorder, physical handicap, or gender preference. Many take this extreme reaction to the situation because of their own phobias. They fear that they will become like this person, so they try to push them out of the way, punish them, or even worse do them physical harm. I'm not saying that your family would do you physical harm, but they are doing you mental harm. I'm sure your therapist has told you to seek out other healthy people to help and support you. If your family treats you like this, then it doesn't say much for their mental health. And, it doesn't seem that they can give you the emotional support you need. What about friends or people in your church community? Do you have people there you are close to? 

Now, on a tongue in cheek thought--you haven't been assuming any strange personalities during these episodes, have you? We won't find you in a strip bar or belly dancing in the streets? Hey, what behaviors did you have to scare your family so? (again just making a joke)


----------



## Carla (Aug 30, 2005)

I really like HappyB's response. I think you might feel a little better if you do something nice for someone else. Sometimes we need to check our problems at the door and spend some time helping people that are worse off than you. Then our problems don't seem so insurmountable.

Somethings you might consider doing;
1. Be a bell ringer for The Salvation Army
2. Serve Christmas dinner for the homeless
3. Read a book to a child in the hospital / elderly person in the nursing home
4.Take cookies to the fire/police department
5. Donate a gift to Toys for Tots
6. Call some non-profit agencies in your area and ask them how you can help

Carla & Shotzi


----------



## starry (Sep 4, 2006)

> I think I may have messed up my karma. I had a loooong reply typed....and it just disappeared!!
> 
> 
> 
> I actually agree with most of your comments. It's only as bad of a day that I allow it to be, but right now I've having a hard time. I don't think it's the holiday that is actually bothering me, but the fact that my children and husband ran the other way, when I needed them...and they've been gone ever since. Maybe I thought that they would stop pretending that I no longer exist, and talk to me? I've called, emailed, and begged.....not a response from any of them. I'm not surprised at my husband's indifference. My youngest daughter only allows me around "when I behave" and no issues or mental illness can be discussed. She's angry at me for melting down this weekend....that is not allowed. Maybe I should teach Izzy and Chipper how to dial 911?[/B]


Nonny,
Thats what we are here for.
Like my mother always said.. "it'll just make you stronger"!!!! She was the strongest woman I knew and more than not your children will see you that way eventually.
So yes you have your sweet little animals and there are soo many people out there that would enjoy your company for even a few moments no matter how you looked..(ie no makeup,not dressed up,smelling like doggies,etc) I know it is very hard to drag your self out but take your dogs out for a Christmas ride and maybe you can pop in on a shelter or nursing home, who knows when we may be there!!








trying the littlest thing will help, yes church can be a wonderful place, anyone who judges you there will be judged later. Now you are a pretty good person and not that bad or you wouldn't have the love and energy to care for so many of your babies..as someone told me here don't beat yourself up.


----------



## lorraine (Jun 24, 2006)

My husband died last year and this will be the first Christmas without him. I shall be spending it alone, by choice. I need to establish a new set of traditions and not rely on others to "take my mind off it". So I decided to make it my time - do whatever I want - eat and drink as much as I like and watch all the old films on the television. 

I thought about helping out at a shelter for homeless people. I thought about helping out at a local hospice. I thought about so many things and settled for something I have not done for many years. Knitting. Yep - that's me over the Christmas/New Year hols - happily knitting dog coats and blankets for Battersea Dogs Home. I'm very slow at it at the moment, but just give me a Robert Redford "oldie" and my fingers will fly.









I believe we just have to make the very best of the hand we are dealt and I have been dealt two wonderful little white dogs


----------



## Deanna (Jan 14, 2005)

> My husband died last year and this will be the first Christmas without him. I shall be spending it alone, by choice. I need to establish a new set of traditions and not rely on others to "take my mind off it". So I decided to make it my time - do whatever I want - eat and drink as much as I like and watch all the old films on the television.[/B]


Lorraine I am so sorry for your loss.







It sounds like you have a good plan for the holidays!


----------



## NONNY (May 21, 2006)

I know all of you are right, but I can't seem to pull myself out of this funky mood. HappyB......it was bad, really bad. Really bad. I know I'm sliding back into the hole....it's just that I can't seem to grab onto anything on my way down and my husband is stomping my fingers so I'll fall ALL the way down.


----------



## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

> Christmas (to me) is the gift of Christ coming to earth, so graciously given by God so many years ago. That alone allows me to celebrate, and give thanks for a Blessed holiday. That alone gives me peace and a thankful heart, and a hope for the future.
> 
> Everything else is icing on the cake
> 
> ...


well said, Christmas is about Christ, I wear a Christmas pin that says it all "JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON", I think we get caught up in everything that we forget the reason we have Christmas, I know I have many times. I won't celebrate Christmas with my kids, it's been 4 years, I get bummed out at first and shed some tears and then I brush myself off and enjoy the wonderful day. I'll be on sm Christmas day and will be hoping others will to. Nonny hugs to you




> My husband died last year and this will be the first Christmas without him. I shall be spending it alone, by choice. I need to establish a new set of traditions and not rely on others to "take my mind off it". So I decided to make it my time - do whatever I want - eat and drink as much as I like and watch all the old films on the television.
> 
> I thought about helping out at a shelter for homeless people. I thought about helping out at a local hospice. I thought about so many things and settled for something I have not done for many years. Knitting. Yep - that's me over the Christmas/New Year hols - happily knitting dog coats and blankets for Battersea Dogs Home. I'm very slow at it at the moment, but just give me a Robert Redford "oldie" and my fingers will fly.
> 
> ...


Lorraine, I am so sorry, I hope you have a blessed day.


----------



## starry (Sep 4, 2006)

> I know all of you are right, but I can't seem to pull myself out of this funky mood. HappyB......it was bad, really bad. Really bad. I know I'm sliding back into the hole....it's just that I can't seem to grab onto anything on my way down and my husband is stomping my fingers so I'll fall ALL the way down.[/B]


Nonny?
What will happen to your dogs if you slip back into the hole? Animal Shelter??!!








I am/was on the verge of driving to a mental hospital or off the road this week but you must think of those who are helpless without you. 
Maybe you need your husband for income??? My mother was poor as a church mouse when she divorced my dad but was happy. Maybe your living situation needs changing not you??


























> My husband died last year and this will be the first Christmas without him. I shall be spending it alone, by choice. I need to establish a new set of traditions and not rely on others to "take my mind off it". So I decided to make it my time - do whatever I want - eat and drink as much as I like and watch all the old films on the television.
> 
> I thought about helping out at a shelter for homeless people. I thought about helping out at a local hospice. I thought about so many things and settled for something I have not done for many years. Knitting. Yep - that's me over the Christmas/New Year hols - happily knitting dog coats and blankets for Battersea Dogs Home. I'm very slow at it at the moment, but just give me a Robert Redford "oldie" and my fingers will fly.
> 
> ...
























Iam sorry.


----------



## momtoboo (Jan 30, 2006)

Nonny, I'm sorry you're not having the Christmas you would like to have. As you can see from the many posts from all your friends here, Christmas seems to be a frame of mind. Thus far, the thing that has given me the most pleasure during this holiday season is when I & a friend collected & took 13 boxes & bags of food, clothes, toys & household items to a very needy family of 8, who landed here from Michigan because of circumstances that were horrible. I was amazed at this familys determination to make the best of their situation. I am not a fan of the material side of Christmas & all the mad shopping & wrapping,decorating & rushing around. I've been there, done that & no longer enjoy it. I suffer from seasonal depression & it seems to reach a peak during the holidays because of past sad events that happened near the holiday. I handle things much better if I makes things different for me. Last year my hubbie & I & Boo spent Christmas in Florida near the beach. We do this every other year. My advice to you is to try not to dwell on what you think Christmas is supposed to be, but create a different kind of Holiday for yourself. There are many ways to enjoy a holiday,with or without your family.


----------



## saltymalty (Sep 14, 2004)

I am sorry that you aren't feeling well Nonny. Love should be unconditional, but often it's not. Nonny, please don't cancel your appointments with those that can help. You'll only regret it in the long run. I think Faye has given you some wonderful advice...and she's a professional so you had better listen!

To everyone, I absolutely agree that the spirit of the holiday is for us to appreciate the wonderful gift that we have been given and to share that gift with others.


----------



## bek74 (Jun 26, 2006)

Nonny I am sorry you are having such a hard time this Holiday season. I thought you would have spent the Hoilday's with your daughter " Bruiser and Bunny's mum", I thought you two had a close relationship.

I hope you pick yourself up and make these Holiday's about YOU.

Really anything can happen between now and Christmas day. My husband and I haven't seen his parents for 5 1/2yrs, No Christmas ,No Birthday's,No phone calls, NOTHING. My mother goes away with her partner ( horrible man) and my brother goes to New Zealand with his wife. So My hubby, 3 boys and I spend Christmas together EVERY Year, No grandparents, No Aunty or Uncles, No cousins to play with, that used to make me sad,







because I grew up with the huge family thing on Christmas day and loved it, and I felt like my boys were missing out, But they aren't we have a wonderful Christmas and I luv it.

Then something special happened. My three boys and I were out shopping on Monday Morning( my sons 10th birthday day) and we walked right into my Hubby's parents







, I couldn't believe it, after 5 1/2 yrs







. His mother just broke down and cried she couldn't get over how the boys have grown and changed, they hugged me and them for ages, it was a beautiful moment.
They asked us to please speak to Dave ( my hubby) and let by gones be by gones and come over for Christmas day.
I spoke to my hubby and he was so happy his face just light up ( all these years of them being stubborn, what a waist), my children are now counting down the sleeps till lunch at Grandma's














. This Christmas will be spent with there Grandparents and Aunty ( Daves sister) and 3 cousins.

Dreams do come true.

MERRY CHRISTMAS


----------



## NYC Neighborhood Dogs (Nov 12, 2006)

> When I am down, instead of a pity party I try and think of those who have it worse than me. And it isn't all that hard to find them......[/B]


True enough, but, there's a major leap from fealing down to truly being injured in one's soul and feeling depressed and abandoned. To me, that's equal in pain to the suffering of others and not so easy to just push away with thoughts of less fortunate or doing voluneer work or some distraction.

It's time, I think, for professional help and even medication (forgive me if I over step my boundaries here). 

I also think there's a huge difference between choosing to spend the holidays alone and enjoying it, and feeling abandoned and alone on the holidays. That's a pain you have to experience to know.

So, Nonny, I feel for you. I hope you're getting some help, someone to talk with, to cry with, and, medication too.

Even with medication and therapy, the holidays are a time when everything that hurts is exagerated and I think it's ok to feel it, if that's what's going on. Just, write a note and paste it on the fridge and on the bathroom mirror saying this too shall pass. Soon it will be mid-January and I can re-group and move forward and prepare myself for next year so it will be better.

It is always better in time. Hugs.


----------



## phesty (May 30, 2006)

Nonny,

Please don't fall in the hole, I've been there, and it's scary! Maybe you need to contact your therapist or psychiatrist and see if they can offer some suggestions to get you through the holidays. I'm not trying to overstep my bounds, or tell you what to do, but I don't want you to get worse.

I have battled depression for years and understand how difficult it truly is to pull yourself out of it. Well meaning friends and family can offer advice that is impossible to follow. Just try to remember that they really don't understand. Everyone that loves you is trying to help you, they just don't know how. 

Try to stay in contact with the people that do know how to help you. Isolation only makes things worse. 

I don't really know you at all, but I know that you are a beautiful, kind and caring person. I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time right now, and that your family seems to all have their heads up their butts...


----------



## revakb2 (Sep 8, 2006)

Nonny,

I come at this from a different angle. My mother suffered from mental illness for many years. It started when I was a young teenager. I can relate to your children. In my sitituation, I was ignorant and embassed by my mothers condition. Because I coundn't deal with the problem, I tried to escape it. I am ashamed to say although I loved my mother dearly, I couldn't face her illness. My way of handling he situation was to stay away. After I got married, I seldom visted her. I lived 1200 miles away, but I could have done more for her. I would resent her irrational phone calls in the middle of the night. I am sharing this because I'm sure your children love you no matter what, but since they don't understand your illness, they probably try and ignore it, and you.

I am not trying to excuse their behavior. They should be more understanding, and you certainly should not be punished because they don't understand that this is an illness you cannot control. There have been many great suggestions by others on how to spend the holidays, but number one needs to be "love yourself".

You must love yourself, and others will follow. I wish you and your family the best. Remember the only person you can control is yourself.


----------



## HappyB (Feb 28, 2005)

I find it easy to stay off the pity pot when I just look around. Today, I saw three new patients. One is a gentleman who the other residents think is just in for a short stay, and has a home to go to. In reality, he is homeless, estranged from his family, and may have cancer. The second is an elderly blind gentleman in a wheelchair. He is in end stage renal failure and has dementia. The third really got to me. He is a twenty-six year old man who was diagnosed with the HIV+ virus at age fifteen (he got it from unprotected sex). He had a stroke last year. He gets around in a motorized wheelchair, but has to be lifted from the bed to his chair. I asked him about depression. He said, "oh, I did have it, but I decided I was going to be OK, so now it's gone". He has accepted living in the nursing home, has made friends, has a good attitude, and is liked by staff and the other residents. You know, if he isn't depressed, I sure have no right to be.


----------



## lonestar (Dec 21, 2004)

Nonny,
I know where your coming from about the family thing. Families can be tough and that's a fact. You have done your part in trying to get them back and now it's up to them. But instead of allowing them to break your heart even more.I think you should do something that would make you feel good. Like maybe going out and picking up some things to put a gift basket together for your local Paw's or nonprofit shelter. They always need so many things. You could deliver it yourself. The money that you would have spent on the kids that have abandon you this Holiday season could go to pet charity. After that, make it all about you and the fur kids. And you know many of us will be around here if you feel like chatting. Christmas is about love and Izzy and Chipper are full of it. Merry Christmas Nonny.


----------



## NONNY (May 21, 2006)

Thanks for all you kind comments. I'm trying very, very hard to get better. It's more than just a funky mood or ungrateful, or choosing to be unhappy. Unless you have been "there" it's very hard to understand. Can you imagine having the flu....and being told to snap out of it, go do something you enjoy, or there are people who are sicker, so you should feel better? 



revakb2....my therapist would agree with you. The more I have tried to explain to my children, hoping for some support and understanding, the farther they ran. There are so many things that I regret, and I've done everything I can to get better. I've had brain MRIs looking for something or sarcoidosis in my brain and I'll probably never know what happened to me. I am SOOOO much better now, but my mood and thoughts can plumment without cause. I've been on several different meds for the last 3 years, and I'm fighting much more than depression. The docs have been wanting me to go inpatient. I'm on 3 "brain" meds.....and several other medications for the complications of sarcoidosis. 



I always thought that mental illness should not be hidden away and shunned by our society. Never did I imagine that it could happen to me.....and it's not just me that it affects, but the whole family.



I talked to my youngest daughter tonight and we had a very good talk. She's coming on Friday and we're going to have a quiet holiday. It probably won't be too quiet.....with four doggies running around. 



Thank all of you for the words of encouragement and your kindness.


----------



## puppymom (Jun 13, 2005)

I firmly believe that every morning when we wake up we make a choice; is it going to be a good day or is it going to be a bad day. You make that choice before your feet even hit the floor. Doesn't matter whether that day is an ordinary Wednesday or Christmas. Doesn't matter if you are perfectly healthy or suffering from some terrible mental or physical illness. KNOWING you have that choice makes all the difference. 

WHen I look around me and see all the real pain and suffering in this world it makes me realize that in my "not so perfect" life I am truly blessed and I chose to have a good day. No matter whether my holiday is spent with crowds of people or totally alone (and I have had many of those) it is my choice whether I count my blessings on that day or decide to wallow in my own self pity. 

Christmas is just a day on the calender and we each have the power to decide from the moment we wake up whether that day is going to be a good day or a bad day.


----------



## NYC Neighborhood Dogs (Nov 12, 2006)

I really need to say something here: people who are experiencing major depression aren't having pity parties or sitting on a pity pot. We (yes me too) are physically ill, not just having a bad day or feeling blue, but physically experiencing a mis-firing of chemicals we cannot control. Medication keeps things even for the most part, but, even on medication every moment of every day can be a struggle on average days--so you can just imagine what emotionally packed holidays are like.

I agree, we make choices, but, if you've never been in a major depression it isn't possible to understand how difficult it is. Often, the choice to simply get out of bed and wash our faces is a huge thing to be very proud of.

I think we need hugs and support and the word pity just doesn't apply. We don't pity ourselves. We usually pity others for having to be around us.



> I talked to my youngest daughter tonight and we had a very good talk. She's coming on Friday and we're going to have a quiet holiday. It probably won't be too quiet.....with four doggies running around.[/B]


Nonny, that's really wonderful. Good for you! And bless your daughter for being there for you.


----------



## HappyB (Feb 28, 2005)

> I really need to say something here: people who are experiencing major depression aren't having pity parties or sitting on a pity pot. We (yes me too) are physically ill, not just having a bad day or feeling blue, but physically experiencing a mis-firing of chemicals we cannot control. Medication keeps things even for the most part, but, even on medication every moment of every day can be a struggle on average days--so you can just imagine what emotionally packed holidays are like.
> 
> I agree, we make choices, but, if you've never been in a major depression it isn't possible to understand how difficult it is. Often, the choice to simply get out of bed and wash our faces is a huge thing to be very proud of.
> 
> ...





> I talked to my youngest daughter tonight and we had a very good talk. She's coming on Friday and we're going to have a quiet holiday. It probably won't be too quiet.....with four doggies running around.[/B]


Nonny, that's really wonderful. Good for you! And bless your daughter for being there for you.
[/B][/QUOTE]


As someone with a PhD in psychology who has treated many depressed people through the years, perhaps I look at this differently. I also speak from personal experience, having also had more than one episode myself.
Pity Pot is a term we use to show "feeling sorry for oneself". This is different from pity, and the term was not used to imply that. It is a common term used in theraputic intervention.
Medication is a wonderful tool in treating depression, but it is only a starting point. In order for a person to recover, they must also work to get better. Just as another poster said, we need to decide how our day is going to be when we first start in the morning. True, a person who is seriously depressed doesn't see much hope, but, if they focus on the negative, then it only makes it worse. Theraputic techniques teach them to focus on the positive. It may be as simple as setting a goal to spend ten minutes sitting in the sun, or to wash their hair that day, but there has to be something positive to focus on. I often make contracts with my patients, helping them set goals for what they will do for that day or the next. I try to make it simple, and I always praise for success. When they don't make it, we talk about why, and how we can make it work. Many times, this term is used in a light hearted manner, and I've had a few who make a joke of it.


----------



## puppymom (Jun 13, 2005)

I speak from a wealth of knowledge and experience with depression. Feeling empowered and in control of your life is a very important step in dealing with and getting through depression. As long as anyone sits back and says "I can't do this" then, they can't. Encouraging the depressed person to feel sorry for themselves doesn't help. 

Helping them to recognize their own behaviors that contribute to the helplessness and worthlessness does. Recognizing our own part in perpetuating the pity party is the first step in a multi disciplinary approach (which includes medications, counseling, and the support of amily and friends) is much more helpful than all the "tea and sympathy" someone else could possibly offer.


----------



## NONNY (May 21, 2006)

Hi guys.....since I started this whole discussion......I would love to add some of my thoughts. I agree that in the case of mild depression....that you DO have a choice.....to sit on your pity pot.......or to pull yourself up, drag yourself out, and make yourself "do". You DO have a choice to seek treatment, to take medications, and seek therapy.



Some of the comments IMHO are quite cruel. Mental illness can go far beyond depression. I can't imagine anyone making the choice.......to hear repeated thoughts.....the same words.....thousands of time.....over and over...unable to make them stop. Can you imagine being suspended in a nighmare.....and not being able to wake from it......and not knowing if you are asleep or awake? Can you imagine being so drugged that you don't know whether it's AM or PM......what day it is......or even what week or month it is? Can you imagine going to bed......not knowing if you will wake with the CHOICE of facing the day or being suspended in a nightmare of horror? Can you imagine.....pondering and trying to figure out what it is real.....and what you have imagined? Can you imagine feeling yourself spiraling down, knowing you were falling, but unable to stop? Can you imagine looking at bruises all over your own body......and the horror or realizing that you have inflicted them yourself? Can you imagine the fear of missing your meds......knowing the consequences? Can you imagine not knowing if you are making good or bad decisions? Can you imagine that you know that you have secretly made all the arrangements for suicide, ready for the moment that you can't take anymore? Can you imagine knowing that, if you cannot control yourself for that one day, that you will be dead? Can you imagine remembering days you spent whimpering in a corner, begging for help.....while your family left you...."to take care of yourself"?



If you call that sitting on a pity pot.....then I guess my butt was firmly planted on one for several months.


----------



## puppymom (Jun 13, 2005)

Nonny, I am truly sorry that you are having difficult times. But this is a Maltese Forum not a mental health forum. Your problems and issues go way beyond what anyone here is equiped to handle, except perhaps Faye. 

I may get run out of town on a rail but at this point I guess I don't really care. My "opinion" and it is only my opinion is that this is not the place for you to expose all your mental health issues. You started a discussion on the Holidays and Depression and many people made generic comments on their views on the subject, certainly non intended to offend you.


----------



## NONNY (May 21, 2006)

Today I am grateful that I can make a choice.....I'm turning off my laptop, getting ready, and going to Walmart. Unfortunately, those "thoughts repeating in my head" will most likely be going with me. I sure wish I could choose to leave them at home.


----------



## NYC Neighborhood Dogs (Nov 12, 2006)

> As someone with a PhD in psychology ... Pity Pot is a term we use to show "feeling sorry for oneself". This is different from pity, and the term was not used to imply that. It is a common term used in theraputic intervention.[/B]


May I respectfully suggest that you and your colleagues reconsider the use of that term as it is really offensive.

I'm shocked. That's not the attitude I would look for in a therapist. There's a time for support and hugs and a time for tough love--this is not the time for the latter nor the place.


----------



## NONNY (May 21, 2006)

> Nonny, I am truly sorry that you are having difficult times. But this is a Maltese Forum not a mental health forum. Your problems and issues go way beyond what anyone here is equiped to handle, except perhaps Faye.
> 
> I may get run out of town on a rail but at this point I guess I don't really care. My "opinion" and it is only my opinion is that this is not the place for you to expose all your mental health issues. You started a discussion on the Holidays and Depression and many people made generic comments on their views on the subject, certainly non intended to offend you.[/B]


----------



## NONNY (May 21, 2006)

> Nonny, I am truly sorry that you are having difficult times. But this is a Maltese Forum not a mental health forum. Your problems and issues go way beyond what anyone here is equiped to handle, except perhaps Faye.
> 
> I may get run out of town on a rail but at this point I guess I don't really care. My "opinion" and it is only my opinion is that this is not the place for you to expose all your mental health issues. You started a discussion on the Holidays and Depression and many people made generic comments on their views on the subject, certainly non intended to offend you.[/B]


 

Thanks.....I love your quote from you previous post about your "WEALTH OF KNOWLEDGE" Congratulations on your wealth of knowledge. Hmmmmm is it okay to discuss other diseases? Let's see there's a post today on someone fearing blindness for their son......does that meet your approval?



I can't do this anymore.


----------



## HappyB (Feb 28, 2005)

> QUOTE





> As someone with a PhD in psychology ... Pity Pot is a term we use to show "feeling sorry for oneself". This is different from pity, and the term was not used to imply that. It is a common term used in theraputic intervention.[/B]


May I respectfully suggest that you and your colleagues reconsider the use of that term as it is really offensive.

I'm shocked. That's not the attitude I would look for in a therapist. There's a time for support and hugs and a time for tough love--this is not the time for the latter nor the place.
[/B][/QUOTE]


Have you ever heard of Reality Therapy? It's a great tool to help people with mental illness. Sometime, it is necessary to call a spade a spade if we are going to help people. This term has been used successfully by thousands of therapists. It is not used as you are trying to present it.


----------



## The A Team (Dec 1, 2005)

> Nonny I am sorry you are having such a hard time this Holiday season. I thought you would have spent the Hoilday's with your daughter " Bruiser and Bunny's mum", I thought you two had a close relationship.
> 
> I hope you pick yourself up and make these Holiday's about YOU.
> 
> ...


Wow - that one made me cry. Merry Christmas


Nonny, I wish I had the perfect answer for you. You really sound down and it always seems extra sad to feel this way around the Holidays. Just remember, it's only a day - there are soo many other days that bring you joy - like the day you first held Izzy, the day you gave birth to your kids, the day you got your other puppies (notice how I skirt around the husband - they're all pain in the- a....). Be stong, you can get through one day - then let's figure out "Plan B" for next year...


----------



## puppymom (Jun 13, 2005)

You entirely missed the point Nonny. I am withdrawing from this discussion.


----------



## Elly B. (Oct 27, 2006)

Nonny,

I'm so sorry you are going through hard times. I think many of us have been in a bad way and to everyone their personal problems seem the worst. I can't imagine my loved ones being so unreceptive to reconciliation. That's heartbreaking.

It's been my experience that one will never be happy until you are happy by yourself. Others can't *ever* make us happy. Only you can do that. Others can't even help very much. Other people come into our lives for a short time and then we are alone again, even our beloved little canine friends who are the most devoted and loyal creatures one could ever ask for.

The good news is that the one *single* constant of our lives - ourself - is 100% in our own control. Things you don't like can be changed. Thought gives birth to action, action to habit, habit to character, character to fate. No one is driving your destiny but you. The echoing thoughts of fear and doubt - I know precisely what you mean. Every time you ignore them, shout them down, prove them wrong, they lose some of their power. Others have walked this path before you and this too will pass.

Take your comfort where you can, from whomever you can, and tell your naysayers 'your loss.' Someday your children will regret mistreating their mommy. I have not always been particularly nice to my mommy, and I'll wager there's been a time or two you were mean to yours as well. I was always very sorry even if there were no 'consequences' per se. Children, even grown ones, mess up sometimes.

One final thought, and it is a somewhat painful thought but true nonetheless. Christmas is a day not really about what it has become. It is a time, at its core, to remember sacrifice for those you love. You're making a sacrifice this year. Love and companionship and giving can happen on any other day, whenever your loved ones are ready. That day doesn't have to be Dec. 25th to be special.


----------



## Deanna (Jan 14, 2005)

Nonny









I think sometimes we need to feel sorry for ourselves, sometimes we need to vent, sometimes we need to cry, sometimes all we need from others is an ear. Sometimes we aren't ready to hear advice, or to be helped, sometimes we just need to be. 

I tell me husband often- "I don't want or need for you to tell me what to do, I just want you to hold me, tell me I am pretty and smart, and that all those other people suck." He is a good husband and does just that. 

So Nonny---

You are beautiful, smart, kind, funny, a good furmommy, your as$ looks great in those jeans, and all those other people suck.


----------



## NYC Neighborhood Dogs (Nov 12, 2006)

> Have you ever heard of Reality Therapy? It's a great tool to help people with mental illness. Sometime, it is necessary to call a spade a spade if we are going to help people. This term has been used successfully by thousands of therapists. It is not used as you are trying to present it.[/B]


Different strokes for different folks. Personally, I prefer a psychiatrist to any therapist, and, I look for doctors who have compassion and respect for people, even people with depression.

As I said, there's a time and a place for everything--including being blunt--and I just think when a person is feeling down around the holidays, that isn't the time for a kick in the butt but is a time for warmth, comfort and support.


----------



## phesty (May 30, 2006)

> As I said, there's a time and a place for everything--including being blunt--and I just think when a person is feeling down around the holidays, that isn't the time for a kick in the butt but is a time for warmth, comfort and support.[/B]


Well said.






















<<<Hugs for Nonny and everyone else who has a hard time around the holidays.


----------



## I found nemo (Feb 23, 2006)

I must say I have read through this whole thread and still kept my BIG mouth shut







!!
Yes I agree sometimes life brings difficulty with it, and I have had my share. I am a private person and I don't wish to share my WHOLE life on a forum or sometimes with my Best friend, but like I said we are all different! Sometimes people need to write how they feel and get comfort from all the great people here at SM and thats fine, but when you keep on and on and on and on seeking comfort and input, it's gets boring and people may not respond as you wish them too, when the same negative outlook is expressed time and time again , it's hard to keep being nice~~ I don't want anyone to feel alone on Christmas or ever, but there comes a time when you need to look at yourself in the mirror and do something about your life.
A persons best friend is themselves and only you can make life better, I refuse to be anything but happy, I refuse to expose myself to negative people and to people who will not do anything but bring misery! Surround yourself with positive thoughts, hug someone, go to your local shelter and help feed a woman or man or child, or just sit there with the many people there and talk to them







see what their life has been like or see if they can give some advice. I have found through all of my donating that the best advice I have been given is from someone I didnt even know! SOmetimes it just best to take a walk in a quiet place and just THINK, you would be amazed how much that can do. I wish all and everyone the best holiday and I pray that nobody is ever alone!!

Best Wishes,
ANDREA & NEMO


----------



## bek74 (Jun 26, 2006)

> I must say I have read through this whole thread and still kept my BIG mouth shut
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Dear Andrea,

This is the reason I luv you so.
















Merry Christmas Mate.


----------



## I found nemo (Feb 23, 2006)

> > index.php?act=findpost&pid=305971
> 
> 
> 
> ...










There are TOO many reasons why I feel that way about you.
I think the top reason is cause your just a GREAT person, ya know that one in a million kind!!


ANDREA~


----------



## Deanna (Jan 14, 2005)

> I must say I have read through this whole thread and still kept my BIG mouth shut
> 
> 
> 
> ...


WOW. Just wow.









I have a husband, friends, and wonderful parents to lean on in my times of need, but not everyone is so lucky. 

If you have had enough of someone's "negativity" then stay away from their posts, you can set them to ignore so you don't even have to know they posted.


----------



## I found nemo (Feb 23, 2006)

> > index.php?act=findpost&pid=305971
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I just did Deanna ..Thanks for the advice!!


----------



## joe (Jan 5, 2003)

> If you have had enough of someone's "negativity" then stay away from their posts, you can set them to ignore so you don't even have to know they posted.[/B]













some of the comments in this thread just amaze me, preaching yourselves up without knowing a darn thing about walking in another persons shoes, amazing

NONNY, this thread has got out of hand so I am closing it but I wish you the best, i may not have walked in both of your shoes but i hopped along in one of them for a period in my life, take care


----------

