# Baby has passed away nothing matters to me anymore.



## LOVE_BABY (May 5, 2015)

*I haven't felt I could even talk about this. I will finally do so now. These are the words I have feared & dreaded to say ever since we brought Baby home as a puppy 9 years ago...he would have been 10 in September 2022.....

On Monday April 25th at 1:00 am. Baby passed away in my arms.... before 'the drug' could be administered... I felt his last breath... I felt his precious life leave him forever....

There is a giant hole in my heart & nothing is important to me anymore, life has no meaning. I don't really feel alive and don't think I ever will again I am only just existing. I can't sleep I can't eat I've lost 14 lbs...the silence is deafening. Our house is empty & it is only filled with death. I miss Baby, think of him constantly, everything reminds me of him our lives were so intertwined. He slept every night in the crook of my belly...or the small of my back, or right next to my head...He was my child. Our family is no longer complete...Baby's presence gone, has left a giant void. His life was cut short and he was cheated out of living his life by immune mediated bone marrow disease with a hopeless prognosis. I am incredibly sad for him, he loved his life, he loved us, he was a being of light and love a gift from heaven. We tried so hard since February when he got sick to save him... I am pouring tears as I type this.... 

I haven't posted in a long time, 'life' got in the way. Sadly, 'death' has brought me back here.... I knew Maltese mommies & daddies would understand.

Sandy

~Baby, my beautiful precious boy~*


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## pippersmom (May 21, 2012)

Sandy I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you. I can totally imagine the pain you are feeling now. Sending you hugs


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## mylittleluna (Dec 19, 2017)

I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish I knew the right words to bring you a little bit of comfort. My sincere condolences to you.


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## LOVE_BABY (May 5, 2015)

pippersmom said:


> Sandy I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you. I can totally imagine the pain you are feeling now. Sending you hugs


Thank you so much.


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## LOVE_BABY (May 5, 2015)

mylittleluna said:


> I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish I knew the right words to bring you a little bit of comfort. My sincere condolences to you.


Thank you very much.


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## mss (Mar 1, 2006)

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful little dog. {{{{}}}}


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## Snuggle's Mom (Jan 3, 2008)

Please accept my very heartfelt condolences upon the loss of your beautiful Baby!! And yes, I can certainly relate as many of us here on SM have gone through the same pain and hurt of loosing their precious Dog and or Cat.


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

Thomas Shepherd said on the death of his wife. . . 
“Now life will be a little less sweet, death a little less bitter.”

We will walk this path of grief beside you. . . your sorrow will be none-the-less, but we will be here to affirm it. Please know that we understand your pain!


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## wkomorow (Aug 26, 2011)

I am so sorry. It may be little comfort to you now, but time does heal and Baby will live in your heart for ever. Sadness will be replaced by happy memories.


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## Lilysdream (Aug 2, 2019)

I am so so sorry for you.
When I read your words, tears came to my eyes.
I went through that too a few months ago and it is so painful...
Sending you love and prayers 🧡


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## maggieh (Dec 16, 2007)

I am so terribly sorry! I know how special Baby was and will always be to you. My heart goes out to you!


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## Jbm (Sep 15, 2012)

Sandy, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I know how much you loved Baby. Sending love and hugs to you during this very sad time. R.I.P beautiful and forever in our hearts Baby ❤


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## Jbailey (9 mo ago)

Hi I'm new here but I just wanted you to know how deeply sorry I am. I lost my heart and soul almost two months ago so I can relate to the pain and emptiness you are feeling. The only thing that gets me through the day is knowing that he loved us and he knew without a doubt that we loved him. I've been keeping a journal, in it I write letters to Bailey ( my fur baby) I tell him everything that is in my heart for him, it has helped a great deal knowing that I can still talk to him maby it can help you also. Again I'm so so sorry for you lose.💙


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## LOVE_BABY (May 5, 2015)

mss said:


> I'm so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful little dog. {{{{}}}}


Thank you. He was indeed beautiful, even more beautiful on the inside, than his angelically beautiful outside.



Snuggle's Mom said:


> Please accept my very heartfelt condolences upon the loss of your beautiful Baby!! And yes, I can certainly relate as many of us here on SM have gone through the same pain and hurt of losing their precious Dog and or Cat.


Thank you for understanding. I'm sorry for the losses you and others here have gone through. Baby entered my heart, my life, and my soul...he became like part of me, the best part of me is missing now...



edelweiss said:


> Thomas Shepherd said on the death of his wife. . .
> “Now life will be a little less sweet, death a little less bitter.”
> 
> We will walk this path of grief beside you. . . your sorrow will be none-the-less, but we will be here to affirm it. Please know that we understand your pain!


Thank you Sandi, the Thomas Shepherd quote is very accurate for me. I can't find sweetness anymore at all... and death is very bitter ... it will only be less bitter if it means I will get to go be with Baby again in heaven. Thank you so much for your understanding and your support I very much appreciate them. I wonder if I can even live without him....he's the first I think of in morning, and last I think of at night....his illness and loss replay over and over throughout the night.




wkomorow said:


> I am so sorry. It may be little comfort to you now, but time does heal and Baby will live in your heart for ever. Sadness will be replaced by happy memories.



Thank you Walter, and thanks for letting me know that. Healing seems impossible but I hope time will make a difference. Baby will always be in my heart. I have so many 'happy memories' of Baby. But at this time the bad ones from the two and a half months of hell at the end of his life are blocking out the good. I can't look at Baby's photos, they remind me of suffering, and of his loss. It was painful to post the photo in this thread. I dare not go into the room where all his many things have been moved to. Our house is decorated with is photos on walls they only remind me he is gone. But the 'empty' spot where his bowls used to be bother me too, even though I put his other things away, I see the empty places where they used to be....where he used to be... I can't make peanut butter sandwiches for my husband without crying for Baby...Baby loved peanut butter euphorically licked it off my finger....




Lilysdream said:


> I am so so sorry for you.
> When I read your words, tears came to my eyes.
> I went through that too a few months ago and it is so painful...
> Sending you love and prayers 🧡


I'm so sorry for your loss of your dear little one... this pain we are feeling is indeed intense. Losing Baby is the worst pain I have ever felt in my life...that is saying a lot because I've lived a pretty rough life....loosing Baby is the absolute worst. Thank you for love and prayers, love and prayers to you too.




maggieh said:


> I am so terribly sorry! I know how special Baby was and will always be to you. My heart goes out to you!


Thank you. Baby was indeed so special, incredibly innocent, sweet, kind, loving. smart, sensitive, funny, cuddly, kissy, & good, the list goes on.... and on.... all of it good.


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## LOVE_BABY (May 5, 2015)

Jbm said:


> Sandy, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I know how much you loved Baby. Sending love and hugs to you during this very sad time. R.I.P beautiful and forever in our hearts Baby ❤


Thank you for your kind words and thoughts. I'm missing Baby terribly...


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## maddysmom (Mar 8, 2012)

LOVE_BABY said:


> Thank you for your kind words and thoughts. I'm missing Baby terribly...


Not sure why my profile on my post to you says my initials and not Maddysmom…so strange. 
Anyway, again, I’m so, so very sorry for your loss 😪


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## LOVE_BABY (May 5, 2015)

maddysmom said:


> Not sure why my profile on my post to you says my initials and not Maddysmom…so strange.
> Anyway, again, I’m so, so very sorry for your loss 😪


On my end it says Maddysmom next to your post, thank you very much again.


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## LOVE_BABY (May 5, 2015)

Jbailey said:


> Hi I'm new here but I just wanted you to know how deeply sorry I am. I lost my heart and soul almost two months ago so I can relate to the pain and emptiness you are feeling. The only thing that gets me through the day is knowing that he loved us and he knew without a doubt that we loved him. I've been keeping a journal, in it I write letters to Bailey ( my fur baby) I tell him everything that is in my heart for him, it has helped a great deal knowing that I can still talk to him maby it can help you also. Again I'm so so sorry for you lose.💙


 I'm so sorry you had to let your Bailey💙 go, I do understand your pain. I'm glad your journaling is helping you, thanks for your suggestion. I used to journal years ago, maybe I'll also try creating a journal just for Baby. I talk to Baby in heaven out loud sometimes usually during a barrage of tears. I tell him I miss him and I want him back. My husband and I will be attending a pet loss support group for the very first time this week, and we'll see how that goes, I'm concerned it might make me feel worse somehow. My husband and I are each reacting differently to Baby's loss. My husband is dealing with Baby's loss by mostly tries pushing down his feelings of sadness and grief, and he is instead feeling anger. He's had a few sobbing cries right along with me but is mostly remaining stoic. I on the other hand am in constant deep despair and sadness. We each grieve in our own way. We were told to bring Baby's photo with us when we go to the pet loss support group....😭


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## Jbailey (9 mo ago)

LOVE_BABY said:


> I'm so sorry you had to let your Bailey💙 go, I do understand your pain. I'm glad your journaling is helping you, thanks for your suggestion. I used to journal years ago, maybe I'll also try creating a journal just for Baby. I talk to Baby in heaven out loud sometimes usually during a barrage of tears. I tell him I miss him and I want him back. My husband and I will be attending a pet loss support group for the very first time this week, and we'll see how that goes, I'm concerned it might make me feel worse somehow. My husband and I are each reacting differently to Baby's loss. My husband is dealing with Baby's loss by mostly tries pushing down his feelings of sadness and grief, and he is instead feeling anger. He's had a few sobbing cries right along with me but is mostly remaining stoic. I on the other hand am in constant deep despair and sadness. We each grieve in our own way. We were told to bring Baby's photo with us when we go to the pet loss support group....😭


I wish you and your husband all the luck in the world with the support group. I tell Bailey the same thing " I want you back, it's time to come home to me now" who knows maby they will🤷🏼‍♀️. I pray that if that's the case our precious babies will find us again. I'll be praying for you and your husband💙.


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## Snowball Pie's Mommi (Oct 16, 2008)

Sandy, I am thinking about you and Baby. The support group sounds like a very good idea. It’s nice that your husband is going with you, too. I have been thinking about going to a support group, too.. I like the thoughts of journaling, too ... I do talk to Snowball a lot and, I think writing might help.


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

Sandy, you said you "are afraid it might make your pain worse" and I think that is a good insight on your part---but for the pain to get better it sometimes has to get worse first. I said to Marie recently that the "only way to get through grief is to grieve" and I want to say that to you too. Grief is my friend; we are on a first name basis so it is something I understand. I have learned over many years & tragic experiences some hard lessons about grief & not letting it overcome me (so far at least). I have learned that it cannot be ignored or redirected---one has to go right through the middle of it. It is the only way to get to "better days ahead." If that sounds unkind, please forgive me as it is not my intention to cause you any more pain. It is the prayer of my heart that you will discover some peace---I am sure that is what Baby would wish for you as well! Please know that we care.


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## Snuggle's Mom (Jan 3, 2008)

Sandi's advice was eloquently said and I truly hope that you and your Husband will be able to gain some peace even though it will take some time. I am sure that there will be other's that are suffering the pain and loss when you go to your Meeting and your will hear their stories of what you are going through. We lost our precious Chrissy at the end of October and it still hurts terribly but time does have does seem to help even though that loss will always be felt.


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## laureldg (Jul 2, 2015)

LOVE_BABY said:


> *I haven't felt I could even talk about this. I will finally do so now. These are the words I have feared & dreaded to say ever since we brought Baby home as a puppy 9 years ago...he would have been 10 in September 2022.....
> 
> On Monday April 25th at 1:00 am. Baby passed away in my arms.... before 'the drug' could be administered... I felt his last breath... I felt his precious life leave him forever....
> 
> ...





LOVE_BABY said:


> *I haven't felt I could even talk about this. I will finally do so now. These are the words I have feared & dreaded to say ever since we brought Baby home as a puppy 9 years ago...he would have been 10 in September 2022.....
> 
> On Monday April 25th at 1:00 am. Baby passed away in my arms.... before 'the drug' could be administered... I felt his last breath... I felt his precious life leave him forever....
> 
> ...


I truly understand your pain. I lost my beautiful Cosette seven and a half years ago. She passed away four days before her 19th birthday. At first I was just like you - so heartbroken that I couldn't leave the house for weeks. I cried constantly. I talked to her while driving in car when I did leave the house and saw her image in the white clouds above. She traveled with us everywhere - back and forth from Florida to New York, to countless conventions throughout the country and even to Europe. I poured my grief into making five 100 page digital photo books containing the story of our life together. I read numerous books on pet loss that explained that the loss of a pet can be worse than the loss of a person because of the incredible bond we have with them - it's a physical and emotional bond that can surpass that of another human. What I can tell you is what others have said in their posts. You must grieve and feel the pain until you can accept it and move on. You WILL eventually be able to. Just remember that you gave him the best of possible lives and that we do not have control over when we will lose them. My husband always says that Cosie is in our hearts so that she is always with us. Only time can help you with what you are experiencing. The sadness of this loss will always be with you, but you will gradually be able to get your life back. Baby would want you too. Just keep his sweet memory tucked away in your heart so that he will always be with you.


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## wolfieinthehouse (Dec 14, 2007)

I am so sorry also.

My Wolfie died a year and a half ago on his way to be euthanized. It was horrific and yet he did it his way.
Three months later, my other dog, Star died very suddenly. She must have missed him so much.

I grieved for about a year and finally realized I was ready to have another dog be my best friend.

She isn't a Maltese since I felt the need personally to not try to recreate the magic but to take a different breed and learn about it. Fiona is a rat terrier. Now, she is eleven months old and my current best friend and constant companion.

I wish you the best future and finding solace.

~Mari


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## Naomi (Nov 17, 2021)

LOVE_BABY said:


> *I haven't felt I could even talk about this. I will finally do so now. These are the words I have feared & dreaded to say ever since we brought Baby home as a puppy 9 years ago...he would have been 10 in September 2022.....
> 
> On Monday April 25th at 1:00 am. Baby passed away in my arms.... before 'the drug' could be administered... I felt his last breath... I felt his precious life leave him forever....
> 
> ...


Sandy I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even start thinking about it. I lost my baby 4 years ago. I said at the time I would never ever get another dog because the pain was unbearable, but time does heal almost everything. A little over 2 years ago, I met Teddy, a beautiful maltese puppy and I fell in love again. I felt one way to honor Memphis was to love another furry angel. Since then I've gotten Tommy and Mimi, 2 more maltese babies. I love them with all my heart and I am going to enjoy them and give them all my love for as long as we're together on this earth. I know I will see Memphis again in heaven. You will see Baby again. I know it in my heart that God will have our dogs waiting for us in heaven. Keep the faith. Sending you lots of hugs.


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## Moochie (Aug 9, 2019)

LOVE_BABY said:


> *I haven't felt I could even talk about this. I will finally do so now. These are the words I have feared & dreaded to say ever since we brought Baby home as a puppy 9 years ago...he would have been 10 in September 2022.....
> 
> On Monday April 25th at 1:00 am. Baby passed away in my arms.... before 'the drug' could be administered... I felt his last breath... I felt his precious life leave him forever....
> 
> ...


Sandy, I have been exactly where you are now. We can't pretend all the platitudes about getting over it work, because they don't. I heard a great quote yesterday. "Grief lives in the heart. When grief become too much it busts out and breaks the heart." I feel this way because, I too, have lost a beloved Maltese dying in my arms. This is the worst pain of my life. He passed 8 years ago, but a strange thing happened. For some unknown reason I decided 6 months after he passed to go to my local pet store that used local breeders. I know, I know, you are not supposed to do that, but I did. I took my husband who SWORE he would never get another dog. Withing ten minutes of being in the store we had bought a Maltese pup who had an excellent pedigree. Like I said, that was 8 years ago, and we have had pure bliss from this wonderful dog. He is healthy, happy and full of joy. When I think back to my first Maltese, the pain is just like yesterday, but then I look at my little guy and the pain is lifted, somehow removed in those wonderful moments we have now. I don't believe you ever get over the loss, but you find a way to fit it into your life, and you carry on. God Bless!!


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## Dixie's Mama (Mar 19, 2008)

Sandy I understand your pain. I’m very sorry you lost your sweet Baby. The only thing that helped me was time. The pain is still there but we learn to live with it. Then sweet memories come into our minds and hearts. Our lives are forever changed, that’s what is so heart wrenching. 
I pray the Support Group helps you and your husband. I think it’s a good idea to go. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻


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## vinhle68 (Mar 19, 2012)

We're very sadden to hear of the lost of your precious Baby. There will never be any words that would bring closure when we lost one of our precious furbaby. 

Our first baby, Biscuit, we also had to let our boy go to ease his pain and suffering from the GME disease. I will always remembered our boy last breath as I hold him in my arm.

Sending hugs from Emmie and Porky.


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## Lilysdream (Aug 2, 2019)

Sandy,
I was just thinking of you.
I hope you feel a little better.

Sending love and prayers to you 🧡


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## Snuggle's Mom (Jan 3, 2008)

I too have been thinking of you and hope that going to the Grief Counseling has been helpful for both you and your Husband.


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## elenacoul (7 mo ago)

LOVE_BABY said:


> *I haven't felt I could even talk about this. I will finally do so now. These are the words I have feared & dreaded to say ever since we brought Baby home as a puppy 9 years ago...he would have been 10 in September 2022.....
> 
> On Monday April 25th at 1:00 am. Baby passed away in my arms.... before 'the drug' could be administered... I felt his last breath... I felt his precious life leave him forever....
> 
> ...


Hi, I am from Greece. I am sorry for your loss. What I wanted to say is that remember, you didn’t lose him. He never left, he is there with you. You may not believe it because you can’t see him with your eyes in the physical world, but he’s right there.
We humans as well as animals are just a structure of bones blood and flesh moving around from place to place in order for our brains to survive. But that’s us in the physical world. What you perceive as being you does not stop where your fingertips or toes stop, your psyche, your love, your feelings and thoughts and ideas are not physical and neither are your dog’s. So you didn’t lose him. He will always be in your heart with you and appreciate the love and adoration you were giving him.


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

elenacoul said:


> Hi, I am from Greece. I am sorry for your loss. What I wanted to say is that remember, you didn’t lose him. He never left, he is there with you. You may not believe it because you can’t see him with your eyes in the physical world, but he’s right there.
> We humans as well as animals are just a structure of bones blood and flesh moving around from place to place in order for our brains to survive. But that’s us in the physical world. What you perceive as being you does not stop where your fingertips or toes stop, your psyche, your love, your feelings and thoughts and ideas are not physical and neither are your dog’s. So you didn’t lose him. He will always be in your heart with you and appreciate the love and adoration you were giving him.


I sent you a private msg. Please check.


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