# Not very affectionate



## camfan (Oct 30, 2006)

I'm so full of questions these days...

Something that's been bothering me about Ollie is that he's not very affectionate or cuddly and, it seems like the longer he's been here and the more he's adjusting, it seems to be increasing. Now, he's not agressive at all. Not a bully. But if I sit on the floor, he'll come over to me but as soon as I try to pat him he'll back away a few steps. Sometimes he'll initiate with me for a pat, but it's only for a few seconds. Sitting on my lap--forget it!! Sometimes if he's really sleepy I'll put him on my lap and he'll sit for a minute or two but then when he realizes where he is he wants down and he'll go and lay on the floor! And, mind you, I am his "favorite" person!

He's also super nippy and it's driving me crazy. I'm constantly telling him "no" and giving him a toy to bite instead. So when I DO finally get s split second to pat him, he's chomping on me! It's just getting very discouraging. He'll be 4 months old on Jan 4th. Do I just have unrealistic expectations? I know he's teething, I know he's a busy puppy. This just isn't what I was expecting...he's as cute as anything but I'd like to ENJOY him other than just playing fetch, filling his bowl and taking him out to poop!!!!

Thoughts? Will this get better?


----------



## Maltese Please (Apr 20, 2006)

*I do small dog consultation as a hobby, with pet owners... and I really think that this is just his AGE showing through. I think that if you continue with the consistency and gentle reminders to him of what really pleases YOU, he will come around. I could be totally off base, but he may be secretly rewarded for his avoidant behaviors, like when he wants to get down, he gets his way? He is still young and learning so much at once, so I would try not to worry too much about his "puppiness" now.

Does he have certain things that motivate him more than others, such as treats, happy voices, belly rubs, or anything (when he is in the mood of course!)? You could set aside a VERY quiet location with gentle lighting and music when he is tired, and do no more than 15 min per day of "bonding" when he is ultra relaxed after a playdate. I even hand-fed mine so they noticed that all good things come from humans.







Then, I would slowly introduce things that I wanted, like holding my malts like a baby, or standing still for grooming, etc. Next, I'd praise like I had just won the lottery the SECOND they would catch on to my desired behavior. 

My Snow White was very independent at first, and we would gently follow her where she went and place a hand near her, but not on her. Then we'd always have our hands close to a toy, treat, or item she liked. Soon, she thought it was HER idea to interact with us, and now she craves our time together. Mickey, on the other hand, has been velcro from day 1 haha! Good luck and please send me a private message if you want!*


----------



## jmm (Nov 23, 2004)

Sounds like a combination of his temperament and his age.

For the biting, instead of constantly correcting him, try yelping, then standing up and leaving the room. 

Don't forget to praise him when he is gentle and uses his mouth on appropriate things. 

Not all dogs are cuddly. Soda is not a cuddly dog most of the time - he's much too busy being outgoing and doing his thing. He had to be taught how to settle down. The more self control I taught him, the more cuddly he has become. The more work I've put into him, the more involved with mom he is. He is a GREAT worker and not a baby at all. 

As far as the hand shyness, I feed the dog in one hand and touch them with the other. I start just touching the chest, then the shoulders, then the back end, and eventually over the head. My hand = yummy food. I usually use a small chunk of something so they are chewing on it while I am holding it so they have to stay there. Starting on the chest is less threatening than reaching over them. I sit on the floor to do this.


----------



## k/c mom (Oct 9, 2004)

I know what you mean about the nipping... both of mine did it and it drove me crazy. My hands were totally marked up from it. I remember with Catcher, when he was younger and didn't "get it" I just avoided situations where he would bite, which mostly was when we were on the floor playing. Then as he got a little bit older (but still quite young) when he would start the biting, I would fold my arms across my chest and turn away from him and stop playing. He really did get that. 

Regarding the cuddling... Kallie is not as good a cuddler as Catcher is but they each have their times and places for it. When we take a nap on the sofa, Catcher is a really good cuddler, but Kallie pretty much will sleep on my feet or on my head! Yet in bed at night Kallie will get as close as she can to me and we usually do the spoon position for sleeping. But Catcher will sleep on the pillow next to us. 

I really think Ollie will get more cuddly. Try playing with him or getting him tired out and then take a nap with him and see if he will cuddle up to you. 

Oh, mine will sometimes back off, too. Have you ever done anything he doesn't like... for example have him come up to you and then take him in for grooming? He may think you're going to do something he won't like.

I hope things will get better for you.


----------



## camfan (Oct 30, 2006)

> I know what you mean about the nipping... both of mine did it and it drove me crazy. My hands were totally marked up from it. I remember with Catcher, when he was younger and didn't "get it" I just avoided situations where he would bite, which mostly was when we were on the floor playing. Then as he got a little bit older (but still quite young) when he would start the biting, I would fold my arms across my chest and turn away from him and stop playing. He really did get that.
> 
> Regarding the cuddling... Kallie is not as good a cuddler as Catcher is but they each have their times and places for it. When we take a nap on the sofa, Catcher is a really good cuddler, but Kallie pretty much will sleep on my feet or on my head! Yet in bed at night Kallie will get as close as she can to me and we usually do the spoon position for sleeping. But Catcher will sleep on the pillow next to us.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the REALLY great replies--I appreciate it!

You know, I wonder too if Ollie is kind of "off" because my kids are on school vacation this week and they've been home aaaaall day, which is nice but I'm looking forward to getting back to normal next week. You should see the 3 of them--my two girls and Ollie--they prance around like a little pack, it's pretty funny. The girls are very good at knowing how to act around him, etc. But anyway, my point is that I think this week being SO different may have thrown him off a bit.

And I've been doing more reading on the 7 stages of puppyhood. They say 3-4 months is a "toddler" stage and is both nippy and independant. It made me feel better to read that. I remember my kids as toddlers and one minute they need to be mommy's baby and the next they'd want nothing to do with me or would be screaming in my face, lol. It's hard not to take it personally.

A few minutes ago he kept consistantly coming up to me and putting his paws up on me, wanting attention, but if I try to pat him, he backs off! I have to figure out how to approach him to get him to recriprocate. He does respond well to verbal praise and he likes it when I scratch him under the chin (when he lets me!). 

Ooooo he won't stop playing with his potty pad--he's never done this before--and it's driving me crazy!! Gotta go. Thanks


----------



## momtoboo (Jan 30, 2006)

Your Ollie sounds just like my Boo when he was a puppy. Boo was a champion nipper & much too busy to be cuddled except when he was exhausted. He also would back off whenever I tried to pick him up. I'm not exactly sure when he began to change,it was a slow process.He was over a year old before he would even allow a belly rub. But today, at 3 yrs old, he is a champion cuddler & very into kisses. He's a mamas boy through & through & very loving & lovable & loves his belly rubs. He's so sensitive to my feelings that he can tell instantly when I'm sad or upset & he will smother me in kisses. And he now wants me to pick him up. So I think Ollie is just being a typical puppy. Keep on working with him & ever so slowly, he will be your little cuddle baby.


----------



## samuelette (Apr 9, 2006)

Ollie sounds just like my male bichon Scruffy, our big wish used to be for him to sit quiet for 5 mins and let us pat him, now three yrs later we cant get him off ours laps and he want to be petted 24-7. I think you wil find once Ollie gets a little older you will see a different dog.


----------



## JessicaMO620 (Sep 18, 2006)

Chester was like that.. he would sit in our laps for 30 seconds, then find something better on the floor, and being carried around, NO WAY! a few months ago he realized that theres nothing better than being lazy and letting someone do the walking for you is easier than doing it yourself







. Which is good, I wanted a snuggly dog. Sounds like ollie is just being a puppy, wait a few more months.


----------



## Andrea&Luci (Jul 30, 2006)

Luci was like that when she was a baby. She was NOT affectionate AT ALL! In fact, if we sat on the couch to watch a movie, and we put her on the couch w/ us, she would go TOTALLY to the opposite end of our side. Like she just wanted to be alone! Also, she was SOOOOOOOOOOO nippy...she sometimes still is but not nearly the way she was when she was 4 months old. I tell you though...i really think it is just an age thing. There is NOTHING that warms my heart more than when I come home from a long exhausting day, and I open my door and see my beautiful furchild jumping and going totally crazy because her mommy's home...and then I pick her up, and she just totally lays limp on me, like giving herself to me to cuddle! I LOVE THAT SOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!















Give it some time...Ollie will come around~!!


----------



## Harley & Dakotas Mum (Jun 11, 2005)

Dakota is exactly like this - she will sit at the other end of the sofa to me - but still, she does want to be close - just not close enough for me to actually touch her!! lol God forbid she is sitting close enough to pat - she will tolerate it for a minute, yet the split second she realises I'm actually touching her precious self, she will move away! LOL

I'm inclined to say it is just puppy-hood & it will change, they are all such loving creatures, Ollie is just being a little independent .... 'cause he can!


----------



## Cosy (Feb 9, 2006)

Sometimes, in a family situation (with kids), maltese become more independant and not as needy or cuddly all the time as much as they would be if there were no other distractions. Frankly, I think this is a good thing as we all have things to do and our pets need to be able to function without our constant attention. Just my two cents


----------



## Maidto2Maltese (Oct 19, 2004)

My Missy was much the same as a little pup. The coming to me then backing away when I reached to her seemed to be more an act of trying to engage me in play rather than 'not wanting me". Also I found when going to pet them ..it is best to approach with palm up and toward the neck/chest first... then work up toward the head.
Also she was more 'cuddly" after a good round of exercise or a good walk where she got rid of pent up energy and was ready to 'relax' and then enjoyed the snuggle time.
I do think as she matures the cuddle time will come more frequently.


----------



## Brinkley & Neyland's Mom (Jun 14, 2004)

Brinkley was like that when I first brought him home. I was sad because he would lay in the floor a lot instead of on me. It changed as he got older. He is still more independent than Neyland is-but he definetely grew more affectionate as the months went by. Give Ollie time.


----------



## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

I agree that it is both age and personality.

Lacie has always been a lot more independent than Tilly. Lacie seldom comes to be me to be loved on or cuddled. She likes it alright when I initiate it, but it's just not her thing. When I do give her cuddles, she is very "kissy" and likes to lick me, but cuddling just doens't seem to be her goal in life.









Tilly, on the other hand is all about cuddling and getting love pats.









I can sum this up by where/how they sleep with me in bed. Lacie has always stayed by my feet when in bed with me while Tilly likes to cuddle next me to me and is always touching me.

Both, however, were/are nippers, and yes, I get tired of it. It is better now that Tilly has her adult teeth, but both still like to do this from time to time. I seem to always have a chewy in my pocket to give them instead of my hand when they get into the nipping mood.









I can assure you that the nipping does improve as they get older. Tilly is now almost 7 months old and she nips a lot less than at 4 months. As I said above, getting their adult teeth seems to help a lot -- both by not making them want/need to nip as often and also by not having it hurt as much -- those little baby teeth are like needles.
















Also, remember that Lacie came to me from a reputable breeder and hasn't seemed to have any "issue" personality wise. Tilly, like your Cam, came from a Pet Store/Puppy Mill situation and is probably a lot more insecure and unsure than Lacie ever was, so she likes the special attention and love. Lacie believes it is her "due" and often acts like the Princess she knows she is.

Remember, Ollie isn't unusual -- just different than Cam. Don't try to compare them -- as I've said before, they're as different in their temperments as your children (human) are!


----------



## Boobookit (Dec 3, 2005)

*WOW, for a minute there I thought you were talking about my Pacino!! When we first got him and for months afterwards he was definitely NOT a cuddler.....He was always too busy! I remember asking my husband why was he like that (like he had an answer!!) I told my husband that I thought they were supposed to be lovers and were bred for the purpose of being a lap dog....LOL*

*Now, at 19 months old you can't peel him away from me.....It was a slow process....When he wasn't playing, or exploring, or being Pacino then and only then would he come to me for a little loving. He has been what I call my "bandaid" for months now...He always wants to be picked up, cuddled, loved and just held. He snuggles right into the nook of my neck and I swear if he could get closer he would. He actually laid in bed with me with his chest on my face last night with an arm on one side of my head and an arm on the other side of my head to the point where I couldn't breath!! I actually had to remove him off my face....Ralphie was laying in between hubby and me and Pacino on me and when I moved him he practically laid on top of Ralphie!! *

*So, my point is, it is his age and his keen sense of exploring...remember, EVRYTHING is so new to him....give him time and he will become your bandaid also! Oh, and while Ralphie is NOT a nipper, my Pacino is and has always been. When he plays, he nips, and yes, sometimes it hurts but he HATES bitter apple and all I have to do is say no bite and if that doesn't work (it usually does then he licks to a fault) all I have to do is touch the bitter apple bottle and he runs for cover!! He HATES it!! LOL*

*Give it time Ollie will be that and more of what you expect!*

*Marie, Pacino & Ralphie*


----------

