# Some strange issues.. need help



## KenM (Jul 8, 2007)

Hello all, my names Ken and I live with my girlfriend Kristen, who has a 2 year old Matle-poo named CoCo. A little backround..I have had dogs my whole life, mainly German shorthaired pointers. In all the time she had the dog she never disciplined her, EVER. When I moved in, and the dog misbehaved I would discipline the dog. We have been living together for about 8 months now and the dog is afraid of me, if we are sitting on the couch and the dog is on the couch with us, as soon as I moved a muscle to stand up, or even say reach for the remote. The dog (coco) will jump off the couch and run under it. I have had instances where when she misbehaves and knows it, as soon as I get home and she sees me and I raise my voice, or even just look at her she will pee everywhere she is standing. It comes to the point now where if my GF is not home, she will hide under the couch the entire time im home, UNTIL my gf gets home, when she gets home the dog will come out. She is literally a shadow of my GF, follows her everywhere and whenever I stand up and go near her the dog will hide between her legs and run circles around her to get away from me. She shows NO aggresive behavior towards anyone either. 

Also, im the only one who ever walks the dog, when we walk she is fine, she heels right beside me and is very well behaved. She listens to my commands and asks perfect. But again as soon as we get inside she runs from me right to my GF. Its very frustrating for me and was just looking for some advice on things we can do to maybe change this. 

It should be noted my GF treats this dog more like a child than a dog..only talks to her with a little kid voice, holds her like a child. Also shows her affection when she is bad (which since I moved in I have tried to get her to stop doing, but she really considers the dog to be a child)

Thanks in Advance
Ken


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## camfan (Oct 30, 2006)

Hi Ken & welcome. I think the answer to your situation all lies in exactly "how" you have been "disciplining" the dog and for what reasons she has needed discipline, what, exactly, do you consider misbehavior. If you can tell us these misbehaviors and exactly how you "disciplined" them, then we can help you know what to do next. We need all the pieces to help solve the puzzle


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## puppymom (Jun 13, 2005)

It sounds like this dog is very afraid of you. 

Positive reinforcement and not "discipline" is the appropriate way to train a dog. "Discipline" implies punishment and if you are yelling, hitting or in anyway physicially "disciplining" your dog then you need to quickly change your ways. 

I would suggest you look into reading some books, The Dog Listener by Jan Fennell is especially good. Or read up on the internet about a training method called "Nothing in life is Free"; a very good way to train a dog. You might also look into some obedience classes in your area. Clicker training is also a good positive training technique. 

What you don't want is a dog who obeys you out of fear of being "disciplined".

But it is also wrong to treat a dog "like a child", a dog needs consistent leadership. No matter how much we love our animals they are, animals and we send very mixed messages when we expect them to respond in a human way. 

Alos, Maltese can be one person dogs, not that they don't like other people but they are often very closely bonded to the human who has raised them. You cannot expect to come into that relationship and change it.


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## KenM (Jul 8, 2007)

Ah ok, when I say misbehaving I mean going through the garbage and making a complete mess of the apartment. Eating holes in clothes..another thing is that she is house trained, she uses her pad everyday and rarely has an accident, but when we would leave sometimes she would cry and want to come but when we would leave her, she would pee right on the floor AROUND the pad. Almost like she was doing it out of spite. 

I would make her sit and raise my voice and say No, first I would bring her to the garbage pile she made, or I would put the item of clothing in front of her before I did it. Eventually it got the the point where when I would bring her to what she had done, and made her sit, she would actually pee everywhere before I even said or did anything, she knew what she did was wrong. In all these cases if my GF was home, she would run to her, either between her legs or however and usually, not all the time..my GF would pick her up and tell her its ok in a little kids voice. Again..I think most of the problems stem from that.

Thanks


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## I found nemo (Feb 23, 2006)

Hi and welcome to SM
I have to say are all you doing when you "Discipline " her is raising your voice?
I mean I raise my voice at Nemo and in no way does he act like that. He's ears will go back but he has never showed the signs your girlfriends dog is showing. I think you need a better approach to this, some reading up on it will help. I do think though it is going to be hard to gain her trust back.
Good Luck,
ANDREA


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## KenM (Jul 8, 2007)

> Hi and welcome to SM
> I have to say are all you doing when you "Discipline " her is raising your voice?
> I mean I raise my voice at Nemo and in no way does he act like that. He's ears will go back but he has never showed the sign your girlfriends dog is showing. I think you need a better approach to this, some reading up on it will help. I do think though it is going to be hard to gain her trust back.
> Good Luck,
> ANDREA[/B]


The dog in the year and a half she had her (since she was maybe 5 weeks old) had NEVER been yelled at, NEVER had a voice raised at her. I had given up on disciplining her, I told my gf when she is bad, she is to handle it as im not doing it anymore being what it has done. So I have no yelled at the dog in anyway in quite some time. 

I figured I would try to gain her trust back by walking her everyday, which I try to do. When we are outside walking she is great, walks right along with me, listens, no problems..until my GF comes outside or we go back inside. Than it all starts again.


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## camfan (Oct 30, 2006)

> It sounds like this dog is very afraid of you.
> 
> Positive reinforcement and not "discipline" is the appropriate way to train a dog. "Discipline" implies punishment and if you are yelling, hitting or in anyway physicially "disciplining" your dog then you need to quickly change your ways.
> 
> ...


Ken, I agree with this post (above). Please go and get yourself some books on training dogs. There really is a lot to it. As far as bringing the dog back to the trash or ripped shirt and THEN scolding it for what it did wrong...dogs live only in the moment--they have to be corrected when they are IN THE ACT--if you do it after the fact, even sticking their face in it, they will have no idea what you are doing. That is why the dog is afraid of you. It has no idea what it has done wrong because the way you are going about it is not the way a dog thinks and learns. I commend you for wanting to know what you're doing wrong and I hope you'll read up on some good professional techniques. We can't possibly give you all the ins and outs of how to go about it--that's why there's entire books written on it. First off understanding how a dog thinks is a good place to start.

And yes, even with SKIN KIDS (I have two) studies show that positive reinforcement produces more positive results than "discipline." Ken, your method of discipline is old school--and I don't say that as an insult, it's how people like our parents used to "discipline" their dogs. But over the years people understand much better how a dog thinks and have, in turn, taught us all a better way to go about it. Best of luck!!


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## k/c mom (Oct 9, 2004)

I have two Malts and have never disciplined them or yelled at them. They are so good and want to please. It's not to say that they haven't destroyed a few things but yelling isn't the way to solve any problem with a dog. After they have done something it does no good to yell at them. It is up to us to keep our things out of their reach and to watch them before they do something. Everything is a chew toy to them. Yelling just makes them afraid of us, as you have seen first hand.

I believe in positive reinforcement. Malts are very sensitive animals and if I even look at mine the "wrong" way, their little ears go down. I can easily get my point across to them without yelling. If I see Catcher chewing the rug just outside the kitchen door, I just call him in to the kitchen and given him a chew toy to chew on. I wouldn't even think of yelling at him. 

Yes, a lot of us consider our Malts like a child and treat them lovingly. We can still be their leader and they can still look up to us.

A dog's short term memory is about nil. So when you take her to the area where she was destructive she has no idea what you are talking about. All she knows is that you are being harsh with her and she is scared so she pees. Frankly, I feel so very sorry for the little Maltipoo. It was hard even reading your posts as I could just picture her fear. 

I applaud you though for seeking help. I think it will take time to undo the damage you have done to your relationship with her. But thank goodness you are willing to change and I think with time and a lot of patience, gentleness, and love, she will overcome her fear of you.


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## Cosy (Feb 9, 2006)

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A man's voice is definitely more intimidating than a feminine voice. I imagine that had a little to do with it, but in the long run, it sounds as if the dog has your g/friend's number and uses it to his advantage. That's a sign of a very smart dog. lol It's just not serving the household well. You might have your g/friend take some classes and/or the both of you together go to be on the same page. It could be fun and renew the dog's love for you as well. Dogs are much happier when the boundaries are consistent.


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## Harley & Dakotas Mum (Jun 11, 2005)

Hi Ken, Kristen & CoCo, Welcome to SM









I'm sorry to hear about your little one. Mostly I just wanted to say that it is terribly frustrating when I find one of mine has piddled somewhere in the house when they are both supposed to be fully trained!! But as already suggested, these little ones have no memory, and there is no point in making any kind of issue after the fact, its done, can't be un-done.

My only suggestion is that if you catch her in the act of piddling where she is not supposed to, don't say anything to her, but pick her up & put her in the place you want her to go - if she goes, then praise her for going on her pad, and perhaps even give her a treat. Or if you catch her with the trash, or a piece of clothing, perhaps clap your hands to distract her & find her something she CAN play with. These little ones can be easily distracted! LOL

Its all about repetition, persistance, positive reinforcement, more persistance & praise. It can be difficult, but it is also very rewarding when they finally 'get' it.

Good luck!


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## 3Maltmom (May 23, 2005)

> I have two Malts and have never disciplined them or yelled at them. They are so good and want to please. It's not to say that they haven't destroyed a few things but yelling isn't the way to solve any problem with a dog. After they have done something it does no good to yell at them. It is up to us to keep our things out of their reach and to watch them before they do something. Everything is a chew toy to them. Yelling just makes them afraid of us, as you have seen first hand.
> 
> I believe in positive reinforcement. Malts are very sensitive animals and if I even look at mine the "wrong" way, their little ears go down. I can easily get my point across to them without yelling. If I see Catcher chewing the rug just outside the kitchen door, I just call him in to the kitchen and given him a chew toy to chew on. I wouldn't even think of yelling at him.
> 
> ...


Very good, Sher. I agree. I'm also thinking Coco senses your frustration when you pick her up and put her in the area she did the damage. I'm thinking you are pretty upset with her, and she will sense that. So as far as she's concerned, a Mad-Man is grabbing her out of the blue, setting her down, and yelling at her. Keep in mind, she doesn't know what you're talking about. In her eyes you are a crazy, mean man.

Positive reinforcment is the way to go. I wish you luck. Hugs to Coco.


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## ShilohsMom (Jun 25, 2007)

Welcome to SM Ken. If the dog has never been corrected and is babied by your girlfriend any correction even an acceptable low toned "NO" makes you the bad guy in the dog's eyes. Everyone has their own theories about training puppies and a dog's place in the home and what is acceptable and what is not. 

Just like I wouldn't intentionally raise a human brat and think it was ok I would not do that with a dog either. A dog and its family is much happier if all know the rules and boundaries.It sounds as if your girlfriend believes in a more permissive style of dog rearing than you do. No changes can be made in your relationship with the dog unless both of you enforce the same rules with the dog. Otherwise, you will always be the bad guy no matter if the correction is warranted and appropriate or not. Wouldn't you prefer someone who lets you do what you want and never corrects you? LOL The dog prefers the person who gives the treatment she was accustomed to before you moved in. Any changes would have to come from your girfriend first and foremost.


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## GreenFuzzer (Jun 16, 2007)

Ken I have to agree with some of the others, I think though your intentions were good you messed up. When you are outside on walks with the little maltipoo it is good times, she hasn't needed 'discipline' on these walks. Now I imagine you have provided corrections/guidance in some of your walks but a few things are different when that has happened..... You did it AT THE MOMENT IT NEEDED CORRECTING and hopefully you did it without YELLING OR ANGER which though you didn't say you did her discipline with anger in the house your descriptions sound as if that is the case. 

It sounds to me as if you have made your home into a scary, fearful place for this little maltipoo to be in when you are home. She doesn't understand being disciplined after the fact. Yes she can tell you are up set with her and don't like her very much at that moment but she doesn't know why. To me it sounds like all she was doing is acting like a normal maltipoo when 'mommy' and 'new daddy' got home or up in the morning and _"Wow I'm so happy to see them I love them soooo much! I'm giving mommy kisses because she is giving my hugs..... Why is new daddy taking me away from mommy and yelling at me I love him how come he doesn't love me?"_ Remember dogs love unconditionally until or unless they are given a reason not to. It is so sad







but it sounds like that is what happened here. 

Whether or not you have caused irreparable damage not only to your relationship with this little maltipoo but with her relationship with men only time will tell. I hope for her sake she can learn to trust again.


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## carrie (Aug 24, 2004)

welcome to SM ken. the members here will certainly take the defense of the dog, as we are all dog enthusiasts. 
this is a place where we all come for advice and to share the love of the breed....
sometimes an innocent inquiry turns into a heated discussion or may offend a newbie, such as yourself... however you should know from the get go, everything that is said here is out of love for our canine companions.
since you are new at this whole small dog phenomenon, we should be a little more lenient with you and try to help you along your way. just you coming here to obtain information on this particular situation should be commended. yay for you for trying to help your furry friend.

hopefully you'll get some sound advice to help ease your puppy woes.


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## KenM (Jul 8, 2007)

You all have to understand where im coming from, ive had dogs my entire life, from the day I was born (german shorthair pointers) This was how my family dealt with these situations, and our dogs (two have since passed on) Were all well behaved and from learned what to do, and what not to do. I did not intentially mean to harm/scare this dog, its what I have been doing my whole life to discipline dogs. 

The dog does not run from me constantly, I mean as I type this she is actually sitting on my lap. Once she comes to me shes fine, its just when I make sudden movements it scares her a bit and she runs under our couch. I was thinking of blocking the couch so she cant run under it, that way she can see when I stand or move im not going to go after her or do anything of the sort. 

Also to clear up what someone had said she is fine with all people, shes very well tempered..she loves everyone who comes over..except me it seems

thanks for the help but please, dont view me as someone who wants to emotionally harm my dog, or any animal for that matter because that is not my intention.

Thank you


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## 3Maltmom (May 23, 2005)

Oh Ken, no one is viewing you as wanting to emotionaly hurt any animal. 

I hired a personal trainer, many years ago, and the first thing she wanted to know, was what I had "already" been doing. She came to my home, and observed. Then pointed out what I was doing wrong. Then she explained why (much like Cesar Milan does). I had the right idea, with only simple changes that needed to be made. For instance, rather than say, "no, no, no, honey", then pick them up while they're peeing, I was told to give one "clap". This will stop the "stream", then put them on the pad. This makes sense to the dog, to stop the "stream". 

I really appreciate knowing what I am doing wrong, answers, opinions, etc. It helps in understanding how to do things right, or at least try different avenues. I've always figured I can't change, until I know "what" I am changing. 

Hang in there, Ken. We only want to help you, Coco, and your girlfriend.


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## Harley & Dakotas Mum (Jun 11, 2005)

Also, these little ones are super sensitive - well my Dakota is anyway - I have never raised my voice to her, nor would I ever DREAM of raising a hand to any animal, yet if my tone isn't all lovey-dovey with her, even when telling her ah-ah (our equivalant to a sharp 'no') she doesn't exactly cower, yet she stops what she is doing & gives me the most neglected puppy-face you've ever seen! She is sooooo sensitive. Maybe with all the love & and affection your g/f is giving Coco, she is also super-sensitive when you tell her 'no'.

I think you have very good intentions, and applaud you seeking out some answers - good for you! Sounds like you are off to a good start with your special little walks with just you & Coco. Could you try being the main care giver for a little while - like you be the only one to feed her meals, treats etc, and also groom her? It may help to form a bond?


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## 3Maltmom (May 23, 2005)

> Also, these little ones are super sensitive - well my Dakota is anyway - I have never raised my voice to her, nor would I ever DREAM of raising a hand to any animal[/B]


Yep, mine are also super sensitive. Joplin, Franny, and Billy, have never been yelled at, but I have raised my voice, while on a phone conversation, and noticed it really upsets them. So I take it outside now.

Henry was screamed at for years. He's the most loving of all, but a nervous wreck. Daisy and Lulu are deaf, so they don't care.


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## Harley & Dakotas Mum (Jun 11, 2005)

> Yep, mine are also super sensitive. Joplin, Franny, and Billy, have never been yelled at, but I have raised my voice, while on a phone conversation, and noticed it really upsets them. So I take it outside now.
> 
> Henry was screamed at for years. He's the most loving of all, but a nervous wreck. Daisy and Lulu are deaf, so they don't care.[/B]


LOL Deb, you've got such a super-special little bunch there, love them all!


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## Eddie's Mama (Jun 10, 2007)

Hey Ken,

I do feel for you in your situation, it must be frustrating. Seriously there is no point in shouting at her, it will only scare her, it won't exactly change her behaviour. When she does something good give her a treat and praise her. 

I know how your gf feels towards her because I think of Eddie as a little baby too. But I do teach him how to behave and I set him boundries. My mum on the other hand is so easy on him. She doesn't make him sit or anything. He gets away with anything and everything with her. So it's hard when one person is trying to maintain behaviour and the other person isn't. 

I thnk you and your gf need to sit down together and form an action plan and work out how you want to teach her to behave and what rules you like to set for her, decide on a training method that u both will stick to.

Good luck.


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## puppymom (Jun 13, 2005)

It also sounds as if Coco has too much freedom for the moment. If she is getting into the garbage and creating problems with clothing she needs to be more closely supervised. You can use an ex pen or crate you can also keep her on a leash in the house. 

When a dog gets out of control you need to go back to square one with training and start over. Freedom is earned. If she cannot roam free in your house then you need to supervise her until she can. 

I would like to point out that dogs do NOTHING out of "spite" that is a human emotion not a dog emotion. If she pees next to the pad instead of on it, it is becasue she needs additional training. Accidents do happen but she needs to learn to get entirely on the pad. 

One suggestion is for you to take oer the feeding of Coco. In the dog world, food comes from the pack leader and by being the one to feed her you will become, in her eyes, the pack leader. Walking her is also a very good thing for you to do.


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## MySugarBaby (Jun 28, 2006)

Hi Ken and Welcome to SM!!









I have had big dogs and small dogs all my life. The big difference between the two is their training. What works for a big dog doesn't exactly work for a small dog or vice versa. I have noticed that raising your voice at a small toy dog will terrify it whereas a big dog could care less. You have to be extra calm and gentle with these little ones, it doesn't take much to scare them. I think what you will have to do is stop disciplining or raising your voice and instead just use positive reinforcement. But none of this will work if you and your girlfriend aren't on the same page. I baby my dogs as well but I don't let them get away with everything, they have rules and boundaries as every dog should. I believe the reason why of the reasons the maltipoo is afraid of you is because you do one thing and your girlfriend does another. When you raise your voice your girlfriend babies her, this makes me you look like the bad person to the dog. In the dog's eyes you are the one punishing her and your girlfriend is the one praising her. And who wouldn't rather go to someone who is always praising her no matter what. You need to both have the same training techniques and use positive reinforcement. But your girlfriend also needs to realize that praising her (which would be her picking up the dog and sweet talking her) in the wrong sitituation where the dog did do something bad will only confuse the dog and make things worse. She needs to recognize the right and wrong time to praise the dog. You don't want to praise the dog for getting in the trash which is exactly what she did when she picked her up after you raised her voice at her.

I am sure you can gain her trust back but it will take time. Use positive reinforcement only, try not to raise your voice, keep it at a calm level. And as said before you and your girlfriend need to be one the same page so you are not viewed as the bad guy. And for the time being, try not to make sudden movements around her and let her come to you, don't try to go to her. You need to gain her trust back on her time. It also may help if you are the one feeding her and giving her treats.

Good luck, I hope everything works out!!


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## I found nemo (Feb 23, 2006)

But it still confuses me why she would run and hide from you.???
Maybe like someone else said she is playing on your GF's emotions, I don't know I have no advice, I just say NO in a loud voice and Nemo stops immediately , but after that I pick him up cuddle with him, kiss him and pet him. I really hope you get through this and she starts to trust you again.
Best Of Luck,
ANDREA


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## Scoobydoo (May 26, 2005)

Hi Ken















I just want to put my thoughts in here, you say your g/f has had Coco since she was 5 weeks old and babied her ever since, without discipline. I feel she was way too young to leave her litter mates and mother, many of her socializing skills would have been taught in the time spent with her mom had she stayed there longer.
Now she looks to your g/f as her mentor. I am not sure at what age in her life you came along and started to discipline her, but if you look at it from her side of it, she is so accustomed to her life being allowed to go about her days doing as she wants, then all of a sudden along comes this person with a loud voice who wants to rearrange her lifestyle in perhaps a harsh manner compared to what she is used to. Naturally she is going to be afraid because she feels threatened by a human who towers over her and is angry at her for doing what she has never been chastized for before.
I have raised large breeds and small, and I have never raised my voice to the point that it instills fear in them, but I was firm with my Rottie and Dobie, but also loving in how I raised them and they were a pleasure to me always. 
Raising German Shorthairs would be immensely different to raising a tiny toy breed, but I also feel that gentle reinforcement works for all breeds.
My feeling is you need to perhaps sit with her and just give her some time to trust you without trying to force issues but rather distract her from whatever she is doing wrong, perhaps using her favorite treat when she does good or stops what she is doing wrong. Pet her often, praise her and talk to her in a soft gentle way and gain her trust. I really think both you and your g/f need to work together with her consistantly, make her feel loved at all times. I wouldn't block the sofa, that is her safe haven, rather I would try to entice her out with kindness and perhaps a toy, play with her on the floor at her level, this may help you gain her trust and confidnece. 
I don't think her peeing off her pee pad is done out of spite because you left her home, dogs don't relate to payback or doing things because they didn't get their way. Perhaps she is afraid of being home alone resulting in different behaviour.
Peeing when being chastized is out of fear, the only way to correct that is to keep your voice calm and even at all times, I think in time all the problems will resolve once you gain her total trust again.
I wish you luck and really hope things turn around soon for you all


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## KenM (Jul 8, 2007)

Thanks for the advice everyone..My gf is actually going down to florida to visit her father for two weeks, and I cant go cuz of work







But regardless, its just going to be me and the dog for two weeks. So hopefully we can work out our differances with me feeding her everyday, just me, and all the walks. Ill keep everyone updated with our progress. I am also looking into some training, although it pains me to do it because ive always been stubborn (I like to train my own dogs, which in the past has never been a problem) But being new to the toy breeds im going to do whatever I have to do to learn what I can. 

Thanks everyone
Ken


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## LoveMyChloeGirl (Jul 8, 2007)

Hi Ken,
I have a similar situation with my Maltese. She really does not care for my boyfriend, and there is really no excuse as to why she shouldn't. He tries so hard with her, giving her praise and attention and playing with her as much as he can. But if I'm not at home, she will not come out from her crate. She will stay in there until she hears my voice. I think that she is intimidated by his voice-actually men in general. A woman can walk by her and Chloe is all smiles and kisses, with her tail wagging. But if a man comes by, she's growling and barking and really defensive. She always wants 100% of my attention, and gets a little testy if he's getting attention instead. Currently, we are trying to have him give her her food and treats and even kisses (which the boyfriend really isn't loving). We're hoping that by doing these things, she will associate him with good things. Good luck!


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## Scoobydoo (May 26, 2005)

> Hi Ken,
> I have a similar situation with my Maltese. She really does not care for my boyfriend, and there is really no excuse as to why she shouldn't. He tries so hard with her, giving her praise and attention and playing with her as much as he can. But if I'm not at home, she will not come out from her crate. She will stay in there until she hears my voice. I think that she is intimidated by his voice-actually men in general. A woman can walk by her and Chloe is all smiles and kisses, with her tail wagging. But if a man comes by, she's growling and barking and really defensive. She always wants 100% of my attention, and gets a little testy if he's getting attention instead. Currently, we are trying to have him give her her food and treats and even kisses (which the boyfriend really isn't loving). We're hoping that by doing these things, she will associate him with good things. Good luck![/B]


Our boys are the opposite really, they are ok with women but they love men, if any of hubby's mates drop by the boys go nuts till they get some fussing and attention, they are fine with me but if the neighbor drops over they could care less if she pets them or not. 
I think it all stems from Scooby being such a daddy's boy and Koko vying for first spot, they squabble over their daddy but with me it's just "oh well she feeds us and cleans up after us, daddy is our best mate"


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## angel's mom (Feb 14, 2007)

I think the x-pen could be a very positive step. The puppy would be restricted so the garbage & clothing would be safe. The only time to bring her out would be positive times, for play & exercise, etc. Might really be worth a try.


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## GreenFuzzer (Jun 16, 2007)

> You all have to understand where im coming from, ive had dogs my entire life, from the day I was born (german shorthair pointers) This was how my family dealt with these situations, and our dogs (two have since passed on) Were all well behaved and from learned what to do, and what not to do. I did not intentially mean to harm/scare this dog, its what I have been doing my whole life to discipline dogs.
> 
> The dog does not run from me constantly, I mean as I type this she is actually sitting on my lap. Once she comes to me shes fine, its just when I make sudden movements it scares her a bit and she runs under our couch. I was thinking of blocking the couch so she cant run under it, that way she can see when I stand or move im not going to go after her or do anything of the sort.
> 
> ...


Ken, I so wish those pieces of the puzzle had been in your other posts. I think with these pieces I may not have been so vocal with you in my last post. For that I would like to apologize, like with the others the fur babies come first with me. That said I hope we can start off on the other foot. 

Hi Ken I'm Tammy welcome.
When Coco misbehaves is there a pattern to it such as always when she is a lone or you are asleep? Does she also do these behaviors while you and your GF are home supervising her? I believe these small dogs benefit from crate training, many won't/don't agree with me. I don't believe Coco is to old to introduce this method, there are many variations of it. For us Gracie has a night time sleep crate that is small and is actually on our bed. She also has a huge 'play crate' that is used for those times when she cannot be supervised in this she has a sleep area, toys and her litter pan. She is not in this very often, basically now only to use her litter pan. Remember dogs like having dens, safe places for us having this spot for Gracie works out well she knows she can go there if she wants time to herself. Everyone needs alone time even animals, or if she wants to get away from the other animals she has her place. 

It might be worth thinking about and give Coco the alternative to going under the couch. If she is sitting on your lap getting snuggles part of the time I think you will be able to regain her trust. Good luck to you.


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## chloeandj (Apr 1, 2005)

She needs to build trust with you. No more raising your voice. I love Sher's advice about positive reinforcement and redirection. Dogs really are so much like children and each one will react differently to the way you discipline. I have two human children with completely different personalities and I have to discipline each one differently to be effective. So what I'm saying is, what worked for your other dogs, is not working for her. It's very important to her that she pleases you and she doesn't know that she ever does.

I think there needs to be a really special treat that she gets from only you. When you get home, give her a treat and pet her. And when you catch her doing something good, reward her. When you are sitting on the couch just watching tv and she is being good, give her a treat. She really needs to connect you with something positive and special in the home.


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## gatiger40 (Jun 7, 2007)

Hi Ken,

I typed a long response two times and both times I somehow deleted it. Anyway, this will be short.

My husband and I used Barkbuster trainers two days ago with amazing results. It's like they left us with a different dog. We could have never believed it could be so simple. It was all about learning the dogs language. It's done with a series of gutteral growls and hand claps. 

It's all completely non physical and non threating to the dog. Our dog seems so happy that we understand him now. It's like he can't wait to have us teach him now that we can communicate with him in his language.

I know it sounds crazy and if it wasn't with my dog in front of me I would have never believed it possible.

Whatever method you choose, I urge you to check them out in your process. They are located in every state and most countries. My vet recommended them and I am so glad she did. I had never heard of them before, but I feel like telling everyone I met now with any problem how great their training is. All of this and it's only been two days. It was not a fortune either even though they come to your home. I could go on and on and I did in the post I deleted, but suffice it to say we were very happy.

Stephanie

www.barkbusters.com


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## CloudClan (Jan 31, 2007)

One thing that you might want to consider, if your girlfriend is cuddling the dog and reassuring her after you have "disciplined" her or even when she runs away from you, then your girlfriend is reinforcing the behavior. Many others have offered some helpful advice for what you can do, I would suggest that your girlfriend may also have some work to do to help her dog relax around you. 

Like dogs who are afraid of thunder, if they get coddled and reassured during thunder storms then they begin to think there is good reason for them to be afraid.


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## cathynleo (Mar 13, 2007)

Before bringing my malt home I did massive research on training and settled on "clicker training" with the belief that positive training is best. This is so incredibly rewarding and provides such a bond not to mention benefits to YOU and it's sooooo fun! I'm talking 5 to 10 minutes a day of training, that's it. Your gf will love it too. Heck, train the dog together! 

Also, in my research was "alpha" behavior. When having a cute puppy, you can't help but give them your full attention (not the best idea). Well, with what I learned was that he has to adapt to ME cause I'm the boss. No attention was given to barking, leaving the house, thunder etc. (you get the idea) from day one. Feeding, training everything was the same everyday. Now that Leo is 9 mos. old, he is very well behaved, going in his crate every morning after I brush my teeth (that's the cue). We work on training when I get home every night and he loves being around other dogs ( a social butterfly)

I started training a forced fetch with the hubby's new dog (Tucker, choc lab) yesterday. While he doesn't completely accept my training methods, he was pretty impressed with the results. I'm just learning and not an expert by any means, however, the results have been great so far. You really need to check it out!

Cathy


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## Furbaby's Mommie (Jul 10, 2004)

Ken, I don't know if you are still reading this, but I have to say it is the best training thread I've read in a long time. I'm in my 60's and, yes, have had dogs all my life. Big ones and toy ones. There is such a difference! Especially Maltese. Their sensitivity is so intense. When people say "they have no memory" the are speaking of the 'why' you are yelling' part, unfortunately. They have amazing memories, especially when it comes to something they perceived as a "bad" thing. It may be a loud noise or anything that caused a fright. My Frosty was terrified of a buzzing fly! I never knew why he became afraid of that particular noise, but I'm sure he had a reason. Maybe one got stuck in his hair at some point and made that sound and he couldn't get away from it....... He wasn't afraid of thunder or fire crackers!

My point is there *is* a reason, whatever it is, and then after the fact takes a *lot* of conditioning if it is to be overcome. That's where you are now with this little dog. She is not a German Shorthair, she is something entirely different. So take the advice here and do some positively reinforced training with her and she will eventually learn to trust you. That means both you and your gf and you must both stay on the same page 24/7. Otherwise the poor little thing is living in mass confusion never knowing between the 2 of you what she is expected to do.

I hope your gf is reading this thread also. You guys have gotten some great advice and help. Please don't think we are talking down to you about this. I've had to learn about this newer style of training myself, we all do--if we've had dogs for many many years. The kids on here that get their first dog and learn from scratch are lucky.


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## KenM (Jul 8, 2007)

Hey, just wanna update everybody..its been about a week of just Coco and I and its going great! When I get home from work she actually was at the door waiting for me a couple times. Ive been walking her everyday, even take her with me when I run errands on the occasion. (she loves the car) Whenever I go to sleep she jumps up in the bed to try and get next to me even, its going to be interesting to see what happens when my GF gets home..to see if this behavior of hers goes right out the window or not. lol

Thanks!


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## 3Maltmom (May 23, 2005)

> Hey, just wanna update everybody..its been about a week of just Coco and I and its going great! When I get home from work she actually was at the door waiting for me a couple times. Ive been walking her everyday, even take her with me when I run errands on the occasion. (she loves the car) Whenever I go to sleep she jumps up in the bed to try and get next to me even, its going to be interesting to see what happens when my GF gets home..to see if this behavior of hers goes right out the window or not. lol
> 
> Thanks![/B]


Hey!! There you are. Glad you're still with us. 

Sounds like you're doing amazingly well. This is great news!!!

I'm also interested on how it goes when the GF gets back.

Keep up the positive attitude, Ken


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## CloudClan (Jan 31, 2007)

> Hey, just wanna update everybody..its been about a week of just Coco and I and its going great! When I get home from work she actually was at the door waiting for me a couple times. Ive been walking her everyday, even take her with me when I run errands on the occasion. (she loves the car) Whenever I go to sleep she jumps up in the bed to try and get next to me even, its going to be interesting to see what happens when my GF gets home..to see if this behavior of hers goes right out the window or not. lol
> 
> Thanks![/B]


I am glad to hear you are getting on so well. Let us know what happens when your GF returns.


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## paddys mom (Aug 17, 2007)

I think the peeing when you yell is a sign of over-submission/fear. I believe that you did not intend to scare the dog. And I am very much in favor of not treating dogs like baby's and having discipline. But I would try doing it in a softer tone. I think with bigger dogs it is not as big a deal for them to hear loud yells but these little guys are more sensitive. I think if you made an effort to tone things down and do some more positive reinforcement as well as gentler correction she might come around. Dogs do live in the moment so after awhile she might not remember the yelling. My fiance is a lot more permissive with our dog than I am so I can totally relate to the conflict. But eventually like us you will both have to agree on what rules you want to enforce and stick to them.


EDIT...haha woops...didn't read all the way down obviously. Congrats! I knew she'd come around!


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## KenM (Jul 8, 2007)

Hey everybody, been a while since Ive checked the site. Im glad other people learned something from my issues lol

Its become very frustrating for me, my Gf refuses to treat the dog, like a dog she considers it a child and its so hard for me. I try to teach her the right things and than my GF will run up talking in a high voice saying come to mommy come to mommy calling her a little girl. It ruins everything im trying to teach her ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

When its just me and the dog its great, she listens to me, will sit, stay, lay down. When my gf is around?! nothing works, she keeps talking in a high squeeky voice and the dog just goes nuts. 

Her constant argument is "this dog has a wonderful temperment I raised her great like this" yes, HER needs are good, shes happy with the dog, but this poor dog was NEVER walked before I moved in, NEVER she never walks her, never takes her out

Refuses to listen to reason when I try to explain how shes happy, but the dog may not be that happy. Any know any good books maybe I could try to get her to read?! Anything I could try to get through to her to make her understand.


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## 3malteseboyz (Feb 6, 2008)

> Hi Ken & welcome. I think the answer to your situation all lies in exactly "how" you have been "disciplining" the dog and for what reasons she has needed discipline, what, exactly, do you consider misbehavior. If you can tell us these misbehaviors and exactly how you "disciplined" them, then we can help you know what to do next. We need all the pieces to help solve the puzzle [/B]


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## rpcvkatherine (Mar 23, 2004)

Ken,
first of all, I want to commend you for being a good guy and accepting and trying to make it work with the furbaby. I ended a relationship once over my little Sophie as the guy I was seeing did not understand our bond and told me that she was just a dog. You on the other hand are seeking advice on a forum to make your relationship with the pup better and I think that is :smilie_daumenpos: 

Regarding your GF, was she raised with pets? It seems like maybe she wasn't. Most of us who had pets when we were younger realize it isn't just about getting a pet and that it is. there is a lot of work to take care of another little being. It disturbs me that she didn't walk the dog. dog raising 101: they need exercise. Also that she got the pup at 5 weeks, as someone mentioned that is way too young..shame on the breeder.... I have to wonder if she had the idea that the dog was cute and wanted a cute pup on her side, but didn't realize that dogs are a lot of work, even the little ones. grooming, walking, vet appointments, etc. It isn't all about looking cute in bows and sweaters. Although, the little doggie clothes are hard to resist for us females. 

with that said, the only thing I can think you might be able to do is go to a dog training class together or do some research online and talk about it or present it to her. maybe visit a animal rescue center/shelter together and talk to the staff there about the responsibilities of raising a dog. It might help if she hears it from someone else. 

just some thoughts...good luck.


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## pixxee84 (Jan 23, 2008)

I agree with that as well, you should take your girlfriend to a trainer, or a pet shelter and talk to someone together about the issues, that way she can hear it form someone else as well. It is confusing for dogs and children to get two different treatments from the people they live wiht and they really don't know how to act. I think the only way Coco will learn is to be treated the same from you and your girlfriend. I think of my dog as a baby too. Me and my boyfriend always get in little arguments because I call Beowulf a baby, and he says "He is a puppy, not a baby". However, I have children, and you HAVE to lay down some rules. I hate when I have to discipline the kids, or put Beowulf in his crate after doing something naughty, but it is better for them. They feel safer when they have someone "in charge" of them. 

Also I strongly agree with what someone said about crating. I don't think Coco should just be allowed to run freely all the time when you are not there. You should talk to your girlfriend about getting a crate for Coco. I think eventually your problem will get solved. You are obviously a VERY good boyfriend by getting on this site and trying to solve this issue. That alone is impressive, and I am sure she knows she has a great boyfriend, and will eventually come around as to how to get Coco to behave and trained. Good luck!


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