# It has been a year since Lisa died



## CorkieYorkie (Apr 10, 2012)

Today is a rough day for me… a year ago today I got the phone call that Lisa had been found deceased on the side of a busy road the day after she escaped her pet sitter’s yard. After the first few brutal months of grief, I just tried to block out the details of what happened because it was so painful and just brought back all the feelings of guilt, anger, sadness, regret, etc. Just thinking about the 95 degree heat we were looking for her in, and wondering where she was that we couldn’t find her, I just try to think about something else or do anything to distract myself. My husband and I will talk about one of her lovable quirks, her and Ozzie’s bond, etc. and then inevitably get sad and have to distract ourselves or change the conversation. 

It is so bad that whenever I look at a map and see where she was hit, it all comes back. I know that is stupid. We have even had to drive by the spot sometimes, because it is such a major road to get to some towns you don’t have much of a choice (Rt. 59 for anyone familiar with the area). It was also hard to look at pictures and videos of her, but it is getting easier. When I watch videos of her and Ozzie playing together… it is so hard because it is hard to believe she isn’t here anymore. 

I think for the rest of my life this event will plague me and fill me with regret and guilt. I just wish I had more closure with her death, or got to see her and hold her one last time. I wish if she had to die, it wouldn’t have been this way. I have read such sad stories of prolonged health issues and sickness, but I almost wish that would have happened instead so I would have had warning, that I could have held her as she went. That I knew I did the right thing. But you can’t change the past, so what’s the point of dwelling on it. 

The upside of this sad story is little Lucky. He is a funny little dog. We like to notice little similarities they have. They both love to run, run, run! We love watching him run around the yard. He does really good with the “come” command and the “chase me” command (we were told if your dog gets out to run in the opposite direction so they’ll chase you – if you chase them, they will think it’s a game and run). It’s also funny how if Lucky is in the front room and starts barking at something out the window, Ozzie will immediately run out there to bark too! 

They are still getting used to each other, however… it is taking time. Our trainer called it “sibling rivalry” when they growl and snap at each other if the other gets too close and in one’s space. But we think Ozzie is less lonely with Lucky around, and my husband Sean is happier too. Him and Lisa had a special bond, and Lucky absolutely LOVES him. Lucky follows him around the house and cries if he goes out to do yardwork. But for some reason, Lucky usually prefers cuddling with me on the couch! :blink: Who knows! I hope that someday Ozzie and Lucky will cuddle together like Ozzie and Lisa did, but I need to remember that Lucky is not Lisa and they have different personalities like all dogs do, and maybe him and Ozzie just don’t mesh. 

Anyways, bringing Lucky into our home has really brought more joy and seems to have replaced some of the sadness we had. There is something healing about dogs – they are just pure joy. Even though the sadness is still there, you can’t help but be distracted by a bouncy little dog. :heart:


----------



## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

Lisa, you said it all so well! I know you have struggled right from the beginning, feeling guilt, remorse & anger----all valid feelings. We have all felt them in our own lives although in different situations----they take a toll on our psyche. I am so glad you have Lucky to help comfort your hearts. He and Ozzie may just coexist but at least there is opportunity if they want it to grow old in a bond. Usually girls bond better w. males, I think, but that is just my own personal experience. You have come a long way in a year, and I pray with time you will accept that this isn't your fault and make peace with it. Be kind to yourself, please.


----------



## CorkieYorkie (Apr 10, 2012)

Sandi, you are such a sweet person :heart: I think you are right about girls and boys, too! But I have heard sweet stories about boy dogs being best buds and girl dogs being bonded that I hoped Ozzie and Lucky would too! We are still hoping! :relaxed:


----------



## Madison's Mom (Dec 26, 2007)

Courtney, I haven't been on SM much lately, but I do so remember your sweet Lisa and what happened last year. My heart aches for you. 

There are so many 'if onlys' in life. "If only I had done this or that and this wouldn't have happened." I've been there and I absolutely understand questioning yourself. My precious son was killed 18 years ago on his way home from a college night class. I even felt guilty for encouraging him to go to college...if only I hadn't encouraged him, he wouldn't have been going to class, and that truck would not have pulled out in front of him. I guess we all have those feelings when we are helpless to do anything about the situation.

I understand, too, about seeing the road and it upsetting you. I have never been on that road where Daniel was killed and if someone suggests it as a shortcut, I say absolutely not. I see the exit to it from the freeway and it always makes me incredibly sad.

After my son died I was talking with an acquaintance who a year earlier lost a son to leukemia. She thought my situation was harder with the suddenness of Daniel's death, and I thought hers was harder having to watch as Jeremy slowly slid away. I guess the bottom line is there is no easy way to lose someone you love.

I will keep you in my thoughts and pray that the pain will become less with time. Hug Ozzie and Lucky especially close today and maybe tomorrow will be a little brighter.


----------



## Malt Shoppe (Jul 20, 2011)

Courtney, I too think of Lisa frequently. It was a tragic thing that happened. I felt so bad for you and your husband having to go thru that sudden loss. I think all on SM suffered over the loss of Lisa and were in shock as well.

Hope the pain of that loss becomes easier to handle. Every year on the anniversary of my precious Malteses' deaths, I light a candle, somehow it helps.
Hugs,


----------



## wkomorow (Aug 26, 2011)

Courtney,

It must have been a very difficult day for you. Lisa left this world way ahead of her time. As the years pass, your memories of Lisa will remain, but your heart will no longer feel so empty. You can not continue to feel guilty about what happened. It was not your fault.

Let the antics of sweet little Lucky fill the void in your heart. Time does heal the hurt.

Take care of yourself.


----------



## Matilda's mommy (Jun 1, 2005)

Courtney, I just want you to know I'm so very sorry you and Sean had to go through losing precious Lisa the way you did. I have lost my fluffs both ways, I do think having them taken away in such a horrible way is much harder, we wonder the what if's, eventually you come to accept what happened and realize it really was out of our control, but you never forget, you just stop feeling the guilt and start to live life again
I'll always remember your Lisa, she was very special, you were so blessed to have shared your love with her and she was so blessed to have you and Sean as her mommy and daddy 
God has a way of wiping our tears and bringing joy back into our lives, your little Lucky is that joy. I think eventually Ozzie and Lucky will get closer, it just takes time. 
Today we remember a beautiful little angel named Lisa


Glenda, I'm so very sorry on your great loss, I wish I could give you a hug, Daniel must have been a wonderful son. I do think death is so hard to accept, it's so final. Your friend went through a great loss and so did you, it's a terrible thing either way, and each of us will one day go through it. Hugs to you


----------



## jane and addison (Nov 1, 2012)

We still remember her. Hugs from Belle and Petey.


----------



## Polly's mom (Apr 29, 2013)

Courtney, 
you lived through the nightmare we all fear. Sweet Lisa had such a hard life until she was blessed with the love you and Sean showered on her. She is always in my heart as are you.


----------



## Pooh's mommy (Aug 31, 2014)

Remembering Lil Lisa❤🐾❤🐾
Prayers for you, Courtney and Sean
Try to let the sweet memories fill the hole in your heart. It is still so soon and only time will help heal.
Little by little you will be able to smile more but.... you will cry also for such a senseless loss. 
Losing a loved one tragically is such a shock and forever changes things.
I'm sorry this ever happened. 
Lil Lisa will Forever be remembered by her family on SM.
Big hugs ...tears...and Pooh kisses 💋 💕


----------



## CorkieYorkie (Apr 10, 2012)

Madison's Mom said:


> Courtney, I haven't been on SM much lately, but I do so remember your sweet Lisa and what happened last year. My heart aches for you.
> 
> There are so many 'if onlys' in life. "If only I had done this or that and this wouldn't have happened." I've been there and I absolutely understand questioning yourself. My precious son was killed 18 years ago on his way home from a college night class. I even felt guilty for encouraging him to go to college...if only I hadn't encouraged him, he wouldn't have been going to class, and that truck would not have pulled out in front of him. I guess we all have those feelings when we are helpless to do anything about the situation.
> 
> ...


Glenda, I can't even imagine the pain you went through going through that, I am so, so sorry for your loss. Please don't regret encouraging him to go to college... Any good parent would do the same. An accident can happen going to the grocery store or work.. Any time. Just goes to show how precious life is. But I understand the whole "what if" aspect... When you are grieving you can't help but think that way. Thank you so much for sharing your story, and for your comforting words. :heart:

Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. We took the pups for a nice long walk tonight and took them to the park nearby that Lisa really liked, where we took our engagement pictures with her and Ozzie :heart:


----------



## maggieh (Dec 16, 2007)

Courtney, Lisa had a life of love with you and Sean. Sending you hugs!


----------



## Alexa (Aug 6, 2009)

Still keep you and your husband in my thoughts, Courtney. It's already one year ago that your sweet Lisa has passed. 

There are always so many 'if onlys' in life but unfortunately we can't change the truth even though very painful in some cases. 

Wishing you both that time will help to heal your pain and that your lovely boys Ozzie and Lucky will bring you lots of joy in the future. Lisa will always be alive in your hearts and in ours! 

So happy Lucky came into your life! He will help to lessen your pain with time. 

Sending lots of hugs your way!

Alexandra :wub:


----------



## sherry (Jan 4, 2013)

Lisa, I still think about the nightmare of that day. I'm so happy for you and Sean and Ozzie to have found Lucky. Healing is a process and it sounds like you are making good progress. Big Hugs!


----------



## Kathleen (Aug 4, 2011)

Courtney, I still think about Lisa too. She was such a special girl, and you gave her a life filled with love.
The loss of a member of our family changes us forever. I hope that you and your husband are doing okay, and that as time goes by you will be able to talk about Lisa with smiles about the good times.
Lucky sounds like lots of fun! How wonderful that you found a happy little dog!
I bet he and Ozzie will be friends eventually, especially if Lucky is still young and kind of pesky. Ozzie has been through a lot too, and with time maybe they will be best buds. When we first got Bunnie, Daisy didn't like her one bit. She was full of energy and a real trouble maker. But as Bunnie gets older, and mellows out a little, they are getting along better and can even share the same bed once in a while. No snuggling, mind you, but peaceful coexisting. So don't give up hope. Someday you may come home and find them together!


----------



## Piccolina (Dec 25, 2009)

L..........Lisa sent Lucky to you:innocent:

I..........I think she wouldn't want you to be in pain and sorrow for her:blink:

S.........She would want her life to continue with Lucky:thumbsup:'

A.........And she is alive in spirit because we all love her and remember her with so much affection.:wub:

Btw, my Little Girl's name by the breeder is Lisa, 
So Little Girl Lisa says "hi, please don't cry":blush:





.


----------



## Maglily (Feb 3, 2009)

Hi Courtney, I'm so glad that you have Lucky now and are enjoying him along with Ozzie. Everyone shared your loss of Lisa and cried along with you, she was such a doll and we loved her. Life can be so hard, my mother says we will never understand some things that happen. I hope you can find some comfort in knowing we remember her too.


----------



## Leanne (Sep 6, 2012)

:grouphug: Peace and Healing Courtney........ May Lucky bring a new type of Joy to you and Sean.....:heart:


----------



## LOVE_BABY (May 5, 2015)

I'm sorry about your tragedy. I only just joined SM in 2015 so hadn't heard about it.


----------



## LovelyLily (Mar 26, 2013)

Courtney, (((hugs))). You and sweet little Lisa have been in my thoughts since reading of her all too soon passing to the bridge last year. Wishing you healing.

Linda


----------



## NONNY (May 21, 2006)

*Boys!*

I am so sorry for your heartache.

Four years ago, when Chipper was 5 and Izzy was 7, we unexpectedly and with NO planning whatsoever, added puppy Spunky to our family. I guess in the 30 seconds of decision making I should have considered added the "wild child" into Izzy and Chipper's lives. (LOL all I did was admire the little black puppy and asked to hold him. I fell in love in 1 second and he was mine!)

Spunky, a solid black Shorkie, accepted that Izzy told him to leave her alone and NEVER get into her bed.

I didn't even know whether Spunky was a boy or girl when he was mine. Now how's that for a mature decision!! Spunky and Chipper are 100% opposites, but they play together constantly! They share the same bed. They are best buddies. They are so cute also. One is totally white and the other is totally black. Chipper watches in amazement at some of Spunky's antics. If these two can be best buddies, I'm sure your 2 boys will be buddies also.


----------



## michellerobison (Dec 17, 2009)

I still remember that sad day, all of us loved Lisa so much.. I know it had to be so hard..Lucky is one very lucky boy to be with you.


----------

