# my heart is broken, advise please



## jerricks (Dec 24, 2007)

ladies,
my heart is breaking, I dont know where to begin this long long story, but here goes maybe seeing it in type will help me make sense of it all, my son met a girl a few years ago within months fell head over heals, she had a young son, before we knew it she was pregnant again!! we accepted her as our own, we all went to Gatlingburg to their wedding, the night before they got married she threw a royal fit over not having a bed in our cabin, they were supposed to have their own, but got in to late to get the keys, so we offered couch, floor or whatever, but No she was mad. that was the first red flag. the baby arrived and we were told, we could not just come whenever we wanted, we had to make arrangements, 2nd red flag. our granddaughter is going to be 3 next month, and i have only had her where I could take her with me 2 times and have only baby sat maybe 6 times, there is also now another baby 1 1/2, I have never had her!! I feel like I have supervised supervision, she talked real bad about her sons grandmother, another red flag.
at christmas, her and i text back and forth about family gathering arrangements, i told her it was ok, i understood that we had to compromise and it was ok, she text me a few days later, I was busy and didnt text back, about she thought I was mad and we needed to talk, I actually forgot to text her, now that is an issue that I dont respect her, WTH..I have asked to see the kids and always get an excuse, sleeping, leaving, not home it goes on and on, now my son is saying that I am not being a grandmother to the kids and they are a total package, he is treating me like a stanger not returning calls, texts etc..I am trying, she is running interference, even told me I couldnt see the girls if my husband didnt respect her or my daughter didnt respect her..I had no issues until all this, now unfortunately I do!! we dont have a clue as to what has happened, then to top everything else off, my 80 year old dad, married a person that is my age, yes i had a lot of reservations about that, but he seemed happy so we accepted her, but for the holidays, he told me that they wouldnt be having Thanksgiving or Christmas with us, come to find out her kids were there for Thanksgiving, and he invited my son and family for Christmas for the grandkids, my grandkids, not my dads wifes' he forgot about my other 3 kids, my brother his wife and kids and my other sons wife and son, so i took it up with him...guess what ..its MY FAULT!! he told me I had not been a good daughter for 56 years, yep, deep cut, very hurtful, after I have been his daughter for 56 years, and she is his 4th wife, and 15 months older than me!! ANYONE HAVE ANY ADVISE FOR ME, my heart is broken in a million pieces, I dont know what to do anymore, please help me!! thank you ladies, love you all!


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

Jeryl - I'm so sorry. It's a familiar scenario to me. It totally sounds again like two women who want to totally control their men and are so insecure that they drive them from their family so the husband has to rely on them for everything. That's how they hold their power over the men and unfortunately the guys fall for it. And I can't leave the men go scot free because they put up with it. Grow a pair and do the right thing and just say no! But if they can't, they're as much to blame. I've had this happen to two members of my extended family and things never changed over a 20 year period...unless they wanted something, often money, and then they would come back saying "You can see the kids if you help pay..." Ugh!:angry:
I know it hurts and to have it happen with your son AND your dad is so horrible. i don't know how you'll be able to change the situation but I would concentrate on your other children. Your dad should know better ... a woman his daughter's age. :smpullhair: There's a saying "There's no fool,like an old fool." Well to abandon his daughter of 56 years for some new woman, puts him in that category to me.


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## jerricks (Dec 24, 2007)

thanks Susan, I have to agree with you, I think my son is miserable, but he would never admit it, she is very controling. so is my dads wife, and doesnt like me cause she cant control me, so she set out to alienate me and my brother from my dad, so sad...thanks again


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## Snowbody (Jan 3, 2009)

jerricks said:


> thanks Susan, I have to agree with you, I think my son is miserable, but he would never admit it, she is very controling. so is my dads wife, and doesnt like me cause she cant control me, so she set out to alienate me and my brother from my dad, so sad...thanks again


I'm sure your son is miserable. I know they feel like they've made a big mistake but don't want to lose face. Or else sometimes they just get so bamboozled and taken in by the women that they just see it their way. Take care of yourself, Jeryl. I know it's heartbreaking but don't let it change the person you are. Don't stoop to their level. Thinking of you.


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## pammy4501 (Aug 8, 2007)

Aww Jeryl. This is so tough. We can't choose family unfortunately. Honestly, I would lay money that your sons marriage dosen't last. I would try to keep the communication open with him, and let him know the door is open for him, and that you love him and his kids. But you can't push her or she will probably retaliate. Just wait it out, as hard as that is, and things may come around for you. As for your Dad...I don't know what to say. I can't imaging someone saying that to his child. Were you close to him before? Maybe he's is having some dementia problems. He needs a physical to check for signs of Alzheimers. (And that wife of his needs a push off the pier!)


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## jerricks (Dec 24, 2007)

i have always been close to my dad, i worshiped the ground he walks on, he is in perfect health, just had his second knee replaced in November, hope this doesnt offend anyone, but my husband says, he lets the wrong head do the thinking....
as for my son, I love him to death, he is my first born, and my granddaughters are the sweetest things, I will be there for him, I think his world is very sad except for the kids


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## pammy4501 (Aug 8, 2007)

jerricks said:


> i have always been close to my dad, i worshiped the ground he walks on, he is in perfect health, just had his second knee replaced in November, hope this doesnt offend anyone, but my husband says, he lets the wrong head do the thinking....
> as for my son, I love him to death, he is my first born, and my granddaughters are the sweetest things, I will be there for him, I think his world is very sad except for the kids


 Well....maybe we should just celebrate the fact that "that head" is still thinIking at all at 80! I swear, men! LOL!


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## MelissaGB (May 3, 2011)

I do not have any words of wisdom. I will tell you something that was said to me when I was going through some really rough times with my own family.

Just because they are family does NOT give them the right to sh*t all over you!


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## edelweiss (Apr 23, 2010)

I have a sign in my home that says:
"Visitors Welcome--relatives by appointment"
It is true that the ones we love the most can get to us the fastest, & hurt us the most.

It might help you to write letters to your son, his wife, your dad, even your grandchildren---but don't mail them. Just keep them in a notebook. It is good therapy for your rejected feelings and someday MAYBE someone else will want to read them & see what you noticed, how you felt and why you didn't come around. If not, at least you have been able to express your true feelings. 
Once we (DH & I) were greatly misunderstood by some close friends and a couple. It took eleven years before the couple came to us (all the way to Greece) to apologize & tell us that they were wrong and were sad that they had misunderstood & injured our friendship for so long. I wasn't waiting anymore when they finally came. I had made my peace w/it, but it was an immense blessing & I give them great credit for reconnecting.
Someday you WILL reconnect but it may take time & lots of prayer. Go on w/your life the best you can without shutting them out. Leave open a door. Miracles still happen.


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## aprilb (Jul 9, 2010)

Jeryl, I'm so sorry for all you are going through. I can totally relate to your situation. I agree with all said. One lesson I learned the hard way, we cannot control other people, and we cannot control what they do. We CAN control how we react. :grouphug:


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## uniquelovdolce (Mar 10, 2010)

:amen: i so agree with april , im so sorry you are going thru this but u need to know it is not ur fault and u have done nothing wrong. keep open communication for the kids sake , other than that both your son and ur dad are grown, they will realize someday. hugs hon!


aprilb said:


> Jeryl, I'm so sorry for all you are going through. I can totally relate to your situation. I agree with all said. One lesson I learned the hard way, we cannot control other people, and we cannot control what they do. We CAN control how we react. :grouphug:


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## The A Team (Dec 1, 2005)

What you are going through is something like a death in the family....you're going to grieve losing some really important people who were very close to you. I can see why you are heartbroken. Personally I wouldn't fight it though - you'll only cause yourself more saddness.

So go ahead and grieve......then I'd let your son and your father know that you love them with all your heart, that you've done nothing wrong and you won't be trying to interfere in their current lives anymore....and that they know where to find you when they're ready.

Then you need to get strong and move on. They've made their choices and they shouldn't keep punishing you for their mistakes. I say get busy, join a club, volunteer, get another dog, build a Halloween flost:blush:, take a trip or two with friends - I don't know just do things you like. I don't want to see you sad forever. Life is too short and only You can make you happy....that's for sure.

I bet one day, they'll be knocking on your door. (OMG, do I sound like a Dear Abbey??? :w00t::blush:)

I wish you the best.


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## munchkn8835 (May 23, 2010)

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I have no advice to make it better, but will keep you all in my prayers.


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## Aarianne (Jul 22, 2005)

Excellent advice from Pat and words of wisdom from April. I totally agree. :thumbsup:

I hope you'll be feeling better about it all soon.


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## Lacie's Mom (Oct 11, 2006)

Jeryl -- this is so sad. And as others have said -- it is so very common with certain types of women.

You can't change their actions. The only thing you have control over is whether or not they are allowed to hurt you. 

As others have said, continue being your sweet self. Realize that they have a problem, not you -- that it isn't your fault. Be patience -- as my mother always told me -- "this too shall pass". And most of all pray. God will hear your prayers and will help.

Hugs to you.


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